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Emotions rule
Emotions rule
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Emotions rule

Yulya tossed in her bed drowning in her overemotional state. She jumped out of bed. In semi-darkness, she fished out a ciggie and a lighter from her purse and landed on the windowsill. Lit a ciggie, puffed at it twice and for the first time, she was feeling a real relief smoking. She was really enjoying it. She took a long drag feeling the smoke in her lungs and with it her worries. She became aware of the tension knot inside her, she imagined it untie and exhaled it together with the smoke. As Red-haired finished her smoke, she felt serene and sleepy. Now she had no problems falling asleep.

Meanwhile, Mr. Curly Hair and the two Russian girlies decided to turn in. Three of them perfectly fit in Filip’s Mum’s bed yawning and telling night-night to each other. Filip in the middle of the two Russians. What a lucky man he was, wasn’t he? A dilemma for him? He was magnetized to Katya, but he couldn’t make out her real feelings towards him. There was some invisible obstacle between them. At the same time, like any man, he was attracted to Tanya’s curves. While Filip brooded on his dilemma, Tanya was already asleep as her quiet snoring was filling the room.

Some other thoughts whirled in Katya’s head, ‘Damn, I can’t bring myself to embrace him or just take his hand. Stupid, stupid me…’ She struggled for a moment, and miraculously simultaneously their sweaty hands magnetized to each other with great tension. Fingers between fingers. The heat was rising up between their hands, but stupidly enough they never dared go further than that. What unhealthy suppression of emotions, wasn’t it?


In the morning the newly-made trio was awakened by some noise from the kitchen.

‘Is your Mum back?’ whispered Tanya to Filip as she saw him open his eyes.

‘No, can’t be,’ reassured her Fil and got out of bed to see what was going on.

‘Morning!’ said Yulya joyfully, ‘I brought some sandwiches and coffee. Where are the girls? I hope you’re not a maniac and they are alive.’

‘Mhm, looks great,’ said Filip ignoring the question about the girls and sat to table, ‘No need to wake up the girls. I might want another helping of this yumminess.’

‘Heeeeeeey, you,’ came the loud protest from behind. Tanya rubbed her eyes and joined in munching, ‘I’m hungry too, no helpings for you today, man!’

Overhearing the kitchen talk Katya had the resilience to get up as she didn’t want to face Filip. She didn’t understand him and herself as well. Why wasn’t any of them making the first step? But she made herself get up, head to the washroom first, and finally join in in the breakfast.

Filip hardly dared to look at Katya either. And both put on the I-am-so-important mask. And when their eyes occasionally met, the wooden look covered their eyes and the WhatevEERR glance was on.

Chapter 6

Did Sven feel a little sad about having missed the terrace dinner? He was on holiday while all his other friends were working, only Filip and the Russian trio were not. So why be bored? He invited everyone to his place to try his Eintopf. The ladies were to learn that Eintopf was a German dish that combined the first and second courses, basically, a soup with lots of different vegetables and meat, but thicker. It could be called a stew as well.

Just before the Eintopf party, the trio was getting themselves ready to the sounds of the TV music. Tanya was feeling energized from inside. Was it positive or negative energy? In a little more than a week, she would have her periods. She was in a hyper mood but in the mood of a sex-hungry lassie. She knew the feeling but she couldn’t do anything about it at the moment so she nudged Blondie instead, ‘Hey, Katushka, when on earth will you or Fil make the first step? You know the time is racing, we’re leaving soon.’

‘Whenever I feel like doing it… Another half of the question I guess wasn’t addressed to me,’ Katya snapped back.

‘We know why you are waiting, but what’s holding him, I’m in doubt,’ commented Yulya exhaling a cloud of smoke through her nose. She was sitting on the windowsill, being first to have dressed.

‘Maybe he is gay,’ suspected Tanya putting on her huge earrings.

‘He is not gay,’ retorted Katya again putting on her red tank top.

‘Who knows…Men normally take what they want right away and don’t hesitate so long,’ kept on Tanya.

‘Why don’t you mind your own business!?’ retorted Blondie, her voice gathering up notes of malice, ‘Besides, if you hadn’t been much flirting with him, it could’ve been easier for me to figure out his inclinations towards me.’

‘Beg your pardon?’ asked Fringe with an air of bewilderment turning around to face Blondie. Katya turned around to face her opponent in response.

‘Yes, you heard it. I said to mind your own business. You know I fancy Filip. And I know you don’t. So leave him alone. You just have this stupid habit of flirting around, basically, with anyone who stares at your breasts, well, even with those who don’t. You just fucking marvel why a guy doesn’t stare at your ‘big blue eyes’, so you instinctively begin to flirt intensely,’ finished Blondie and turned to the mirror.

‘You’re just being jealous!’ Fringe defended herself but was obliged to recollect her behavior with Mr. Curly Hair. Perhaps the latter was right a bit and Tanya had been behaving herself with a flirty air, but she couldn’t help it, she was a woman. How else was she supposed to be around men?

‘Mhm, maybe I was flirting a bit. But that’s me. I do flirt with men. I’ll try to hold myself back a little. Deal, Virgin?’ Tanya uttered in her slightly raucous voice willing to make up and stretched out a hand like a businessman. With men, she behaved like a flirting little birdie while with her like she was rather unpretentious and business-like.

Katya stared at Tanya’s hand and took it, ‘Deal, Boobie Witch!’

Fringe instantly pulled Blondie into her embrace, ‘Witch yourself! Boobie? Boobster sounds better!’ They both burst out laughing, their hug dissolving the remaining hints of offense in their bodies.

‘Sounds like new food for your tongue-twister inspiration,’ Red-haired commented on the hug scene and put out her ciggie adding, ‘Baby Boobie Boobster boosted boobs to become a blockbuster bosom.’

Katya and Tanya turned to Red-haired uttering simultaneously, ‘Not bad!’


The gang of Yulya, Tanya, Katya and Filip arrived at Neukölln district. They popped into a supermarket to buy some wine. Done.

Here they were. Two-room apartment. Also vinyl records but not as many as Mr. Curly Hair had. Very hot outside. Windows wide-open. Bon appétit to everyone. Yummy-yummy. Wine bottles got empty pretty fast. Nice music on. Silly pics were taken. Music videos were watched. Already dark. Yulya and Katya got out to buy some chocolate. Brought it home. So hot outside that the chocolate was more like a Nutella paste. The girls asked for spoons. Did anyone want some melted chocolate? No, thanks. What perversity it was to eat melted chocolate on a hot eve. Everyone was chilling.

Having munched the chocolate Katya went to another room to stare out of the window. She sat down on a sill.  Mr. Curly Hair approached from behind observing a picture A Girl on a Windowsill.

‘Bored?’ he asked sitting down near Katya.

‘Nope, just taking some fresh air…like smokers would have a smoke,’ chuckled Katya thoughtfully.

‘I see. How come you don’t smoke while your besties do?’ he wondered, even though he was not really interested.

‘Donno, why should I? I guess smoking didn’t have that positive effect on me… you know, like using smoking to make friends-smokers and have a chat outside over a drag, or have a break after some stress, or smoke instead of eating… never thought of it… I might smoke though for fun when drunk or something… but I don’t do it properly anyway and a ciggie always falls down through my soft drunk fingers half-way burnt,’ summarized Katya with a vague smile.

‘What do you do in Moscow?’ asked Fil all of a sudden.

‘Study English and German, why? What’s that sudden interrogation about?’ Katya asked smiling and frowning at the same time.

‘Yes, I know that. Anything else? Work? Hobby?’ insisted Filip ignoring her slight indignation.

‘No, not really. Whenever I think of earning some money my parents stop me saying that I will have enough time to work after the uni, so that I’ll get sick of it… Sounds weird, doesn’t it? Girls and I are going to be English teachers. German is just a second language we learn. But we all want to learn as many languages as we can. That’s why we try to pick a language from native speakers,’ Katya tried to make herself clear.

‘Do you really wanna be a teacher?’ he looked at her with suspicion.

‘Not really. It was my Mum’s idea. After school, I didn’t know what to study. My Mum thought I was good at languages, so she suggested that I should apply to the Foreign languages department,’ Blondie explained.

‘But what do you really wanna be?’ Filip kept on asking as if it was an interview.

‘An actress,’ Katya said calmly, ‘What did YOU want to be?’ she redrew the attention to him.

‘I wanted to be an actor as well… But I never applied… I just didn’t bring myself to… now I’m too old for that,’ Filip pronounced it with some bitter notes in his voice.

‘Ridiculous, the age of twenty-eight is already too late to become an actor? Those stupid rules,’ Katya grumbled to herself. ‘How far can you spit?’ she slipped into the role of an interrogator.

‘What?’ he seemed surprised as if he didn’t catch what she’d just said.

‘How far can you spit, I said…I can spit far enough,’ she confessed with a smile.

‘I think I can spit far enough too,’ he responded also with a smile.

‘Ok, one-two-three and we spit, alright?’ Blondie commanded.

‘Outside the window?’ he asked.

‘No, on the floor,’ Katya responded with a sarcastic smile, ‘Yes, out there, of course.’

‘Ok,’ he agreed.

One- two- three – they spat. A common thought crawled to their heads, ‘Is it déjà-vu or the movie Titanic?’ Oops, there were some people walking by, just as they spat. They kneeled down on the floor and started to giggle.

‘No more spitting from the window,’ he whispered.

‘Agreed,’ Katya whispered back with a nod.

Just then Tanya entered the room asking, ‘Are you looking for something, kids?’

‘Yes, we lost an elephant,’ Tanya heard Katya’s response as the latter couldn’t stop her sarcastic flow.

‘How funny,’ said Tanya with a corresponding sarcasm tune and went on normally, ‘Well, we’re going to play Truth or Dare, are you in?’ wondered Tanya opening her palm to get a reply.

‘Why not?’ replied Katya in agreement and glanced at Filip.

‘Sure, I wonder whose idea it was… I’ll just watch you play,’ answered he concerned.

‘Ha, foxy, you can’t watch others get embarrassed without embarrassing yourself!’ stated Tanya, ‘Come on.’

‘Alright, let the show begin,’ said Filip and headed to another room.

‘Good boy!’ commented Tanya and followed him smiling.

Everyone sat down on the floor in a circle. Tanya volunteered to be the first one. She chose dare and the rest of the crew made her drink half a cup of Jägermeister, the only booze they’d found in Sven’s kitchen. The next turn belonged to Yulya. Having chosen truth, she just had to answer if she had ever eaten boogers.

‘Of course, I’ve eaten boogers. Everyone eats their boogers as a kid!’ was Yulya’s answer with no hint of embarrassment. At the beginning of the answer, everyone started giggling but in the end, they sat remembering their childhood poking their noses.

Valuing his privacy, Filip undoubtedly chose dare and had to photograph his naked butt in another room and then show the picture to everyone and only after that, he was allowed to delete it. At the sight of the naked ass, Tanya began laughing loudly as a horse, resting on Yulya’s shoulder. No doubt Jägermeister had gotten to her alright.

Sven chose truth and was naming all the drugs he’d tried. Katya was dared to dance a sexy dance with a chair, which she managed to do quite well as the guys started to howl like wolves.

The second round began and Tanya chose truth this time.

‘You will not get me this time, sweeties,’ said Tanya laughing like a mad woman.

The cruel Sven wanted to know if she had a secret she had never told to a soul, and everyone agreed to this one.

Tanya stopped laughing, everyone saw her eyes go up reminiscing something, she shivered in disgust and sat silent, then she looked Sven in the eye and said, ‘I was raped by my Dad’s friend when I was twelve,’ tears began to roll down her cheeks. Her distorted lips managed to voice in a long sob, ‘THIS I’ve never told to anyone.’

Silence. Everyone froze. Yulya moved towards Tanya with her arms stretched out. Now that she was holding Tanya tight, she said, ‘You should have told it to your Dad. He would just cut his penis off right away.’

No one produced a sound. Instantly upset and deeply thinking pairs of eyes were observing the embracing ladies. Filip moved to join the union atop. Sven came up above to touch Tanya with his pitying arms. Katya managed to squeeze in and put her face against Tanya’s ear. Everyone went still. The song Losing my religion filled up the room.

‘I was afraid then and now it’s no point. The man was killed in a motorbike accident,’ Tanya responded quietly, she calmed herself down, brushed off her tears, and produced in a louder voice, ‘I think it’s time to go home. Fil, can you check the timetable, when is the next tram coming?’

Filip began checking the timetable. Sven thought out loud, ‘Males can be creepy creatures sometimes. I’m sorry you had to experience that.’

‘That’s the past. I’m fine now. No need to pity me,’ reassured Tanya everyone, regaining her composure.

‘The last tram has already left. I guess we’re destined to stay here,’ informed Filip.

Sven got up, poured a cup of water, placed it in Tanya’s hands inviting her for a dance. The latter drank some and put it on the floor. As Fringe got up, the floor seemed to whirl under her feet, but still, she offered herself to dance the dark memory away and feel the music and her partner.

‘Fil, you’ve come by bike, right? Can you take me with you? Though it would be a bit peinlich, but I’ll manage,’ ventured Katya.

Peinlich? why would it be peinlich?’ wondered Filip raising his eyebrows.

‘You know, sitting on an iron thingy behind you may be hurting, may it not? Peinlich same as painful in English,’ Katya was finding the right words.

Filip chuckled and explained that peinlich actually meant embarrassing.

Meanwhile, Yulya lay herself down on the bed to watch the dancing pair thinking how creepy it must be to be raped and what one needed to forget it and carry on living normally. If the recollection of the past made Fringe so emotional, she was not all fine and it was not just past. She was crying a few minutes ago. The memory still tortured her. Yulya wanted to help but she did not know how, perhaps she should study psychology instead of languages.

Katya joined Red-haired to tell she was leaving with Filip by bike. They cheek kissed. Then Blondie approached the couple and embraced Tanya from behind and kept dancing with the two whispering into her ear that she loved her. She let them know she was leaving with Fil and thanked Sven for the lovely Eintopf. They rode off.



In the morning the curious girls had to ask whether there was anything between her and Filip.

‘Sure, the most intimate moment was embracing him from behind on his bike. He just brought me home and we parted. It was neither painful nor embarrassing, girls,’ reassured Katya.

In their turn, they informed Blondie that Sven fell asleep on the floor listening to Depeche Mode. So Yulya was obliged to take drunk Fringe to bed, clean the table, wash up and finally turn in. When in the morning they left for their German classes, Sven was still asleep.



Their three weeks of freedom flew by sexlessly but full of interesting events to remember – the game Bottle, Amsterdam trip, once being caught in dodging a bus fare, sightseeing, hanging out with internationals. There approached the time to leave. Katya planned to stay in Germany. Yulya had to go to Paris to learn French. Tanya, in her turn, was to visit her beloved cousin, Anya, whom she hadn’t seen for a long time as the latter had moved to London when Anya’s mother married an Englishman. The three girls parted stating that it was damn fun traveling together.

Chapter 7

Girls Meet on the 1st of September

September the 1st. Knowledge Day in Russia. Kids go to school. Students go to university.

‘Hel-lo, my lovely beauties! How come you aren’t running to hug me too, little bitches?’ yelled Yulya when she saw Katya and Tanya hugging each other and had to try and hug them both with her miniature body.

‘Hi, sweetheart. Can’t wait to tell ya about London. I bet you have something interesting to share with me too,’ sang Tanya happily as an opera singer.

‘Oh my, is that you, Tanya? You-Singing? Looks like someone is head over heels here,’ Katya commented on Fringe’s singing.

‘Right. First, we have to sit through four classes, then we can have lunch together and talk, talk, talk our brains out,’ Yulya made a forecast rounding her smiling eyes.

‘Good plan, let’s get a move on, ladies,’ cried out Katya joyfully and gestured to go.

The first lecture was Theoretical Phonetics. As the lecturer recited loudly and slowly her material she’d memorized from year to year, the ladies gradually became weary of scribbling down the never-ending flow of words.

Stretching her neck and sighing Katya heard, ‘To convey information nowadays we use seven percent of vocabulary (as grammar is ignored altogether), thirty-eight percent of vocal means. And nonverbal means (posture, facial expression, gestures and so on) account for fifty-five percent of the message.’

The ladies raised their heads to look at each other and smiled. Tanya brought her lips into a foxy smile. Katya raised her index finger. Yulya whispered, ‘Oh, that’s why we love Phonetics.’

‘Gosh, I need a smoke,’ whispered Tanya back and grabbed a lighter from her pencil box to play with. ‘Hey, do you remember our first class of phonetics?’ Tanya pressed the button on the lighter to let gas flow into her mouth.

In about five seconds she pulled out the lighter, lit it and blew out the gas right onto the flame. A faint but distinguishable bang could be made out from the third row, left wing. The lecturer turned to the giggling trio and uttered in a superior tone, ‘The ladies disturbing, if you are not interested in my lecture, you may well leave and NOT disturb the ones who ARE interested.’ No one got up to leave. The silence was restored.

Their final lecture was about to begin. The girls sat all prepared. As Katya opened her bottle to have a quick gulp of water she could tell Yulya was daydreaming. The eyes of the Red-haired weren’t staring anywhere in particular but at some invisible screen, nobody saw. Katya couldn’t help but put some more water into her mouth and spray it all over Yulya’s face.

‘What the hell?’ Yulya barked startled, looked around, at Katya and joined her laughter whisking the water off her face.

‘Sorry about that but I couldn’t help it. I’m glad you didn’t hit me back,’ Katya squeezed her apology through her fit of laughter, ‘Here is the tissue.’

Yulya’s next daydreaming happened during the lecture. This time she was awakened by her own burp. She looked around and realized that she was surrounded by about a hundred students looking at her. Some were giggling including her besties, others looking in bewilderment. Yulya blushed and whispered, ‘Oops, sorry.’

‘You’re not in your kitchen, silly,’ commented Tanya suppressing her laughter.

‘Oh, shut up,’ hissed Yulya.

After the lectures, the ladies went to one of the canteens. Picked a bunch of food. Salad, soup, cabbage pies, coffee with a chocolate bar. Instead of prayer before meals, they promised each other not to take so much ever again. Their habitual promise. And finally, they sat down to the girls’ talking ritual. Katya was the first to begin.

Chapter 8

Katya’s Story: her Stay in Germany for Three More Weeks

I

‘So where do I begin? Our German course was finished. You went to Paris and London. And I went to Leipzig to see Sarah, a friend of mine.

Being there already a week I was missing Berlin and was constantly texting to Mr. Curly Hair. One evening I wished him sweet erotic dreams, just for fun of course. I got a reply with ‘ja, feuchte Träume. Schlaf gut, Mädchen’. I had no idea what feuchte Träume were supposed to mean.

The next morning, while having breakfast with Sarah’s family, with an innocent face, not suspecting anything, I asked the whole table what that German word-combination meant. You should’ve seen their face expressions when I uttered those magic words. The big brother started giggling. Sarah’s Dad almost spat out the coffee he was drinking.

Sarah’s mother wondered, ‘I’m sorry, what again?’

‘Feuchte Träume,’ I repeated naïvely though already suspecting something shady.

Then she managed to say with her pitying eyes, ‘Who told you this?’

‘Some guy from Berlin texted me this yesterday,’ I confessed. The mother wondered what message I wrote so as to get such a reply. I made an even more naïve look and pronounced, ‘I simply wished him Goodnight. Somehow my head treated equally Good night and Sweet erotic dreams. But I swear, I did NOT mean anything by that. I just was in my silly mood, I guess.

‘Well, wet dreams mean,’ the mother started finding her words to explain properly.

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