The Virgin Mistress

And far more beautiful than he remembered.

Caught off guard by the direction of his thoughts, Austin stiffened. Oh, no, he told himself. He wasn’t going there. Rebecca was pretty—he’d give her that. Tall and willowy, with the grace and height of a dancer, she was modestly dressed in a skirt and blouse and wore her long brown hair in a French braid that fell halfway down her back. Normally, Austin doubted he would have even noticed her because she was quiet and shy and did little to call attention to herself. But for some reason, that only made her harder to ignore. She didn’t say much, but beneath her thick, dark lashes, she sneaked a peek at him, and one look at those soulful, blue-gray eyes of hers and Austin felt like he’d been kicked in the heart.

Surprised, he frowned and tried to convince himself he’d imagined his reaction to her. Since his wife, Jenny, and their baby had died years ago, he’d been the love-and-leave-’em ladies’ man. He’d wanted nothing to do with commitment, with any kind of feelings that could lead to hurt, and the fast and loose women he’d gone out with hadn’t had a problem with that.

He didn’t have to know anything at all about Rebecca to know that there was nothing fast and loose about her. She had love and marriage written all over her, and that made her the kind of woman he avoided like the plague. The investigation would keep him busy, and once he discovered who wanted Joe dead, he’d go back to Portland, where he didn’t have to worry about a quiet woman with blue-gray eyes who disturbed him far more than she should have.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t notice that Rebecca was now openly studying him until she said softly, “Joe said you needed to interview everyone at the party. Since you don’t know the city, I can help you with that if you like.”

“That’s a good idea, honey,” Joe said, pleased. “Rebecca’s a teacher at a year-round school,” he told Austin. “She’s usually home by three-thirty every afternoon, so she could help you after that.”

“But she has a heavy schedule at school,” Meredith reminded him as she shot Rebecca a worried frown. “Are you sure you want to do this, sweetheart? I thought you were going to do some extra work with the Thompson boy after school.”

“I am. We start Monday, in fact. But that’s only once in a while. The rest of the time, I’m free. And then, there’s the weekends.”

When Meredith’s frown only intensified, Austin stepped in, not wanting to be the cause of a family argument, though why Meredith would care if Rebecca helped him, he didn’t know. “I appreciate the offer,” he said quietly, “but I’m used to working alone. It’s just better that way.”

For a moment, he thought he saw disappointment darken her eyes, but then she lowered her gaze to her plate. “It was just a thought,” she said with a shrug. “If you change your mind, just let me know.”

He wouldn’t, but she didn’t have to know that. There was no use hurting her feelings any more than he already had. “Thanks,” he said. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

When he returned to his hotel room after dinner, he was sure he wouldn’t call her. It just wouldn’t be smart. Not when he was drawn to her in a way he hadn’t been to a woman in a long time. He didn’t need that kind of complication in his life.

But over the course of the next few days, he found himself thinking of her more than he should have, and it didn’t help matters that the investigation wasn’t going anywhere. Using the guest list Joe had given him, he systematically began interviewing the guests, starting with the family members and friends who’d been standing near Joe when the shot rang out. But after talking to well over twenty people—and the detectives who were handling the case—he was no further along than when he’d started. None of them claimed to have seen anything. And questioning them about possible suspects hadn’t helped, either. Trying to help, all they’d talked about was old slights and resentments that hadn’t amounted to a hill of beans.

“This is unbelievable,” Austin muttered in disgust as he left the law office of one of Joe’s oldest neighbors, who’d gone on and on about another neighbor who had never forgiven Joe for some perceived transgression or another. “I don’t care about petty grievances. A bullet grazed Joe’s cheek, for God’s sake! He’s got a serious enemy out there.”

The question was, who? Over three hundred people had been at Joe’s party, but so far, no one had admitted seeing anything. And some of them were standing right there next to him! Someone had to be lying, but there was no way for Austin to know who, not at this point. He didn’t know the dynamics of Joe’s family and friends, didn’t know who had old grudges and new, who could lie with a straight face and who would need to. And without that information, his job would only be that much more difficult.

So call Rebecca. She’s like family, but she’s not. She’ll be objective, and she already offered to help you.

Irritated with the needling voice that was quick to whisper the suggestion in his ear, he scowled as he slipped behind the wheel of his rental car and told himself to forget it. He wasn’t calling her. He’d spent all of an hour with her the other night and he could still see that shy, hesitant smile of hers. It was far too memorable for his peace of mind.

Knowing that, he should have never reached for his cell phone. He did it, anyway.

“Rebecca? This is Austin McGrath.”

Her heart suddenly skipping in her breast, Rebecca sank down onto a stool at her kitchen counter. “Austin! H-hi. How are you?”

“Actually, I’m in a bit of a bind,” he admitted. “Are you busy? I was hoping I could drop by your place and run a few things by you.”

“Now?”

“If that’s okay with you. I could use your help.”

“Oh…yes, of course. You have the address, don’t you? I just live a few miles down the road from the estate at the Ocean Bluff Apartments. I’m in 323.”

“I’ll be right there,” he assured her, and hung up.

Rebecca knew it was foolish, but for a moment, she’d thought he was calling to tell her he wanted to see her again. Not that a man like Austin would look twice at her, she admitted wryly. She’d been in the family long enough to hear the stories about him. She knew about his wife and baby’s tragic deaths in childbirth, how he hadn’t let a woman get close to him since. Instead, he’d found comfort in the arms of a bevy of beauties who weren’t anymore interested in a commitment than he was.

That wasn’t who she was, and she supposed Austin only had to look at her to know that. And that, she acknowledged sadly, was for the best. Because the only thing he wanted from a woman was the one thing she couldn’t give him.

Pain squeezed her heart, and for a moment, she couldn’t stop herself from hoping that maybe someday soon, things would be different. But even as she clung to the thought, she knew better than to let herself fall into that trap. She hadn’t been able to let a man touch her since she was a teenager, and that was never going to change.

And that hurt. Why couldn’t she be normal like other women? Why couldn’t she feel comfort in the arms of a man she liked and cared about instead of fear?

But even as she asked, she knew the answer to that. Her childhood hadn’t been an easy one. She’d never known her real father, and her mother was an alcoholic who was always bringing home all sorts of men. Then when she was fourteen, one of those men—Frank—nearly assaulted her. Frightened and feeling like she had no one to turn to for help, she ran away from home. But she’d only jumped from the frying pan into the fire. She’d lived on the streets for six months and was in constant danger. One night while she was staying in a homeless shelter, she was almost raped. That forever traumatized her, and after years of therapy, she still couldn’t allow herself to share physical intimacy with a man.

And that hurt. She couldn’t be normal like other women, and she’d learned to deal with that by focusing all her emotions on children. A caring policewoman had gotten her to the Hopechest Ranch after the near rape, and it was there that she’d met Meredith. After she came to live with her and Joe, Rebecca began to help her with the younger children and found great comfort in that. When she later started college, she naturally gravitated to teaching and helping children with learning disabilities.

But she still shrank away from a man’s touch.

That didn’t mean she hadn’t tried. She had. But regardless of how much she liked a man, she could never get past her own fears from the past. After years of disappointment and dashed expectations, she’d finally accepted the fact that she was never going to be able to have a relationship with a man. So she’d stopped dating. It was just too painful.

But, oh, how Austin tempted her. There was something about him that pulled at her, an attraction she was afraid she couldn’t hide, and that horrified her. He would be there any moment, and she was terribly afraid she was going to make a fool of herself.

“He just wants help with the case,” she muttered to herself as she hurriedly straightened the pillows on the couch and checked the rest of the living room to make sure that it was neat and presentable. “He’s not interested in you as a woman.”

To make sure she remembered that, she tried to picture him with a bevy of gorgeous blondes doing things with him she could never do. It didn’t help. When the doorbell rang, she was suddenly breathless.

Later, she never knew how she faced him with any degree of composure. Her heart was racing, her palms slightly damp, and she felt as giddy as a schoolgirl. But when she opened the door to him, she greeted him with a smile that was calm and serene. If her heart was thundering like a locomotive on a downhill run, no one had to know that but her. “Hi.”

“Thanks for seeing me like this, with no notice,” he said gruffly as he stepped into her living room. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“No, not at all,” she assured him. Dropping down into her favorite chair in front of the fireplace, she motioned for him to take a seat on the couch. “Now what’s this you wanted to run past me? Have you tracked down a suspect?”

“Not exactly,” he said in disgust. “According to everyone I’ve talked to, Joe doesn’t have any major enemies, but he’s ticked off more than a few people over the years. And he invited them all to his party. I was hoping you could help me eliminate some of the names on the list.”

“I’ll try,” she promised. “What do you want to know?”

“Start with the immediate family and tell me everything you can about each person’s relationship with Joe. Who’s close to him, who’s not, who argues with him or owes him money or doesn’t like his business practices. And don’t worry about this going anywhere beyond this room. Whatever you tell me is privileged information.”

He was strictly business and somber as a judge, and Rebecca felt like a fool for thinking he might have stopped by for any other reason than to talk about the case. Thankful he couldn’t read her mind, she deliberately focused her thoughts on the family. If he could be all business, so could she.

“I guess I should start with Meredith,” she said quietly. “They argue sometimes, but it’s usually over minor things—like having dinner with just the family. She likes to entertain a lot and it drives him nuts.”

Surprised, Austin frowned. “When I was a kid, I got the impression she didn’t care much for the social scene. When did that change?”

“I don’t know,” she replied, trying to remember. “I guess it was after Joe, Jr. and Teddy were born. Once they were in school, she had more time on her hands and really enjoyed having people over. It just seemed to mushroom after that.”

“And their marriage? It’s okay?”

“Oh, I think so,” she replied, surprised that he asked. “It’s not all lovey-dovey like it was when they were younger, but that’s pretty normal, isn’t it, when people have been married as long as they have? And Meredith changed after the accident.”

The entire family knew about the car accident nine years ago when Meredith was driven off the road by a drunk driver when she was taking Emily for a visit with her natural grandmother. Shaken by the near tragedy, Meredith hadn’t been quite the same since.

“She never recovered from that, did she?” Austin asked quietly.

“She’s harsher,” Rebecca said. “More on edge. I guess that’s what happens when you come so close to death.”

Noncommittal, Austin only shrugged. “Then what about the kids? Do all of them get along with him? I’m not just talking about now,” he said quickly, before she could answer. “Were there any fights or disagreements in the past? Any resentments that might have festered over the years into rage?”

Frowning, Rebecca didn’t even have to think about that. “Oh, no. Joe’s always been supportive of the kids. He never missed one of Rand’s football games if he could help it, and he’s crazy about the girls. Drake …” Searching for words to describe Drake, she smiled sadly. “I don’t think Drake ever got over Michael’s death. I never had a brother and can’t imagine what it would be like to lose one, especially a twin. He doesn’t let anyone get close to him, but I don’t think he harbors any resentment against Joe. He just stays to himself.”

Unable to think of anything else, she grimaced. “This isn’t what you wanted to hear, is it? Obviously, Joe’s infuriated someone but I don’t see how it could be anyone in the family. They’re too close-knit for that. It’s got to be someone he works with. Have you talked to Graham or Emmett yet? They’d be able to help you with that more than I would. You have their numbers, don’t you?”

Austin nodded. Joe’s brother, Graham, and his old army buddy, Emmett Fallon, both worked closely with him at Colton Enterprises and would know better than most any enemies Joe had made in the corporate world. “I have appointments with both of them tomorrow.”

Considering that, there was little left to say, and they both knew it. “I guess I wasn’t much help, was I?” she said with a rueful smile. “Sorry.”

She was no sorrier than Austin. Damn, he enjoyed talking to her! And watching her. She was so unpretentious and natural. He liked her smile, her shyness, the sincerity in her eyes. But he’d gotten what he’d come for, and there was no other reason to linger.

Disappointed, he pushed to his feet. “Don’t apologize,” he said gruffly as she, too, stood. “I’ve been out of the family so long that I really don’t know anyone anymore. Your insight helped. Thanks.”

He wisely didn’t make an excuse to see her again, but walking away from her wasn’t nearly as easy as he’d hoped. As he thanked her again and let himself out, he found himself fighting the need to turn back and ask her out to dinner. If she’d given him the slightest encouragement, he would have been in trouble. She didn’t.

Two

He wouldn’t call her again.

Lying in her lonely bed that night, Rebecca stared at the ceiling in the dark and faced the fact that Austin would, in all likelihood, never call her again. She’d told him everything she could about the family and done all that she could to help him. There was little reason for him to contact her again.

She should have been relieved. By his very presence, he stirred feelings in her that had no chance of ever developing into anything but hurt and frustration, and she knew she should have been thankful to see the last of him. Instead, she’d never felt lonelier in her life.

Why, she wondered, couldn’t she be like other women? Why couldn’t she have a husband and children? Why couldn’t she know what it was like to have a man turn to her in the middle of the night and reach for her? Make love to her?

Because you can’t bear to have a man touch you, a voice in her head said flatly. Until you find a way to come to grips with that, you’ll never have anyone.

Slow tears seeped from the corners of her eyes. She’d tried, she thought, swallowing a sob. When she’d first come to live with Joe and Meredith, she’d been shy and afraid and had just wanted to hide away from the world and be left alone. She hadn’t even been able to sit at the table with the family at mealtime and eat. With time and patience and the best therapists, however, she’d started to trust again, to let people back into her life…not only Meredith and Joe, but the children, then her extended foster family and friends. Amazingly, she’d even gotten past the fear of dating. But she still hit a brick wall whenever it came to intimacy.

She’d thought she’d accepted that, but for the first time in a long time, she wanted something she couldn’t have. And it hurt. Turning over, she buried her face in her pillow and gave in to the sobs she could no longer hold back.

When she woke the next morning with a thick head and swollen eyes, she would have liked nothing better than to call in sick. But she knew she’d only brood if she stayed at home, and at work, at least, her students would keep her too busy to think of anything but them. With a groan, she rolled out of bed.

From there, everything seemed to go wrong. She couldn’t find the belt that went with her dress, the new shoes she wore hurt her feet, she misplaced her keys, and to make matters worse, she had to stop on the way to work and fill up her car with gas. By the time she walked through the front door of Coker Elementary, she was late, and Richard Foster, her boss, was waiting for her in the hallway outside the principal’s office.

“You’re late.”

Taken aback by the harshness of his tone—after all, she was only five minutes tardy and school wouldn’t start for another twenty minutes—she said breathlessly, “I know. I’m sorry. Nothing seemed to go right this morning.”

“You’re supposed to set an example for the students,” he retorted, his blue eyes diamond-hard behind the lenses of his glasses. “If you can’t be disciplined enough to be on time, how can you expect them to be?”

Technically, he had a point, and if they’d been running a boot camp, Rebecca might have agreed with him. But it was an elementary school, for heaven’s sakes, and most of the students were only just now beginning to show up for school. He wasn’t usually a clock watcher as long as his teachers were in their classrooms at least fifteen minutes before the first bell rang, and she still had five minutes to spare.

Surprised that he would nitpick over such a minor thing, she frowned. Something had to be wrong—this wasn’t like him. Then, before she could open her mouth and put her foot in it by asking if everything was okay, she remembered that he and Sylvia, his wife, were filing for divorce later that afternoon. And she’d forgotten all about it. No wonder he was in a bear of a mood, she thought sympathetically. She was friends with both of them and hated to see their marriage break up. They were one of those couples who had seemed perfect for each other.

“I’ll be more punctual next time,” she said quietly. “It won’t happen again.”

She was trying to be understanding, but she might as well have saved her breath. He only nodded curtly, satisfied. “Good. See that it doesn’t.”

And it was that, more than anything, that hurt. She knew he was going through a rough time, but she hadn’t done anything to him. Dismissed, her cheeks stinging, she hurried to her classroom without a backward glance.

From there, the rest of the day went downhill. She didn’t know if the moon was out of alignment or if her students had been possessed by aliens from outer space, but each class was more disruptive than the last. By the time lunch rolled around, Rebecca was exhausted.

She told herself things couldn’t get much worse. She was wrong. At the beginning of her first class after lunch, she’d hardly turned to write the homework assignment on the blackboard when Tabitha Long let out a bloodcurdling scream that Rebecca was sure could be heard halfway down the hall. “Hughie’s got a gun!”

Startled, her heart in her throat, Rebecca whirled just in time to see the redheaded troublemaker of the class teasingly brandishing something black at Tabitha. “Hughie Bishop, you bring that here right this minute!” she ordered sternly. “Now, Hughie!”

“Awh, Miss Powell, it’s just a toy,” he grumbled, holding it up to show her that it was just a homemade slingshot carved in the shape of a gun. “I was just playing.”

Her frown fierce and disapproving, Rebecca didn’t say a word. She just held out her hand.

His shoulders slumped in dejection, Hughie dragged his feet as he slowly made his way to the front of the classroom. “I wasn’t going to hurt anybody,” he said, pouting as he dropped the slingshot into her hand. “She was making faces at me.”

Rebecca didn’t doubt that Tabitha was guilty of instigating a scene—she had an irritating habit of sticking her tongue out at the other students—but that didn’t excuse Hughie’s behavior. He knew the rules: no weapons could be brought to school for any reason. “You can’t threaten someone just because you don’t like what they’re doing,” she lectured him. “Especially with a weapon. Yes,” she said quickly when he started to object, “this is a weapon and you leave me no choice but to report this to Mr. Foster after class. In the meantime, you and Tabitha will both move to the back of the room and spend the rest of the class writing a letter for your behavior.”

“But I didn’t do anything!” Tabitha cried.

Not surprised that she would paint herself totally innocent, Rebecca merely arched a brow at her. “Didn’t you? Think about it.”

Caught in the trap of her disapproving gaze, Tabitha knew better than to argue further. Hanging her head, she collected her books and moved to the back of the room. Hughie did the same, and with a sigh of relief, Rebecca placed the slingshot in the top drawer of her desk and returned her attention to the class and the homework assignment.

School policy required that any weapons brought to school be turned in to the principal’s office, and she fully intended to do that. But there was a fire drill during the next class, and halfway through the last class of the day, one of the students got sick and Rebecca had to rush her to the nurse. By the time she returned to class, she barely had time to remind the students to do their homework before the dismissal bell rang.

Finally, the day was over! Harried and exhausted after too little sleep the previous night, Rebecca completely forgot about the slingshot in the top drawer of her desk. All she wanted to do was go for a nice long ride at the ranch on her favorite horse. Then she wouldn’t have to think about anything. Grabbing her purse and briefcase, she hurried outside to her car.

Taking Rebecca’s suggestion, Austin spent the morning and early afternoon talking to Joe’s brother, Graham, and Emmett Fallon, his friend and old army buddy who had helped Joe set up his first oil well. They were both involved in Colton Enterprises and in a position to know who Joe had had business clashes with over the years. Unfortunately, the list was longer than Austin would have liked, and he couldn’t take much comfort from the fact that Graham and Emmett had included people who had only minor conflicts with Joe. The shooter had tried to commit murder in front of 300 hundred witnesses. As far as Austin was concerned, that made him a loose cannon. Anyone with the slightest grudge against Joe had to be checked out.

Frustrated, trying to imagine who would have picked such a public forum to try to commit murder, Austin headed back to the ranch. He needed to get another look at the scene of the crime, but this time in private.

Armed with the key Joe had given him, he didn’t bother to knock, but quietly let himself in and shut the front door behind him. Silence immediately engulfed him. It was the middle of the afternoon, and the place seemed deserted. Inez was there somewhere, no doubt, but Meredith was probably out shopping or playing the overprotective mom with the boys. If he was lucky, he had the entire house to himself. Pleased, he stepped through the formal, too-perfect living room and headed for the courtyard at the back of the house.