Surprise! Surprise!
“Not necessary. Just please don’t barge in. This is the only place in the house I can be alone. I’m having trouble letting down.”
“Relaxing?”
“Letting down milk.”
“Oh.” He moved his gaze to a large potted palm in the corner.
She closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of the warm, sleepy baby in her arms. “Are you bothered by the breast-feeding?”
“I’m not sure what I am. Trying to give you some privacy, I think.” He stared down at his hands. “I’d like to help, though.”
“What do you want to do?”
He shrugged big shoulders, the white polo shirt he wore flexing over a broad back. “Help somehow. Hold the baby. Do something. To be honest, I’m having trouble letting down myself.”
They weren’t talking about milk now. “In what way?”
“I guess even though those are my children, I don’t feel bonded to them in any way. Connected.”
She could see the frown of concentration even with his face in profile. “You weren’t here, so you didn’t see me pregnant. And you haven’t really held them. Go ahead, Sam. Pick Henry up.”
“Where is he?” He looked around, finally spying the baby between two king-size pillows on a towel on the lace-covered bed.
The small baby lay on his stomach, sucking his fist gently, eyes blinking. “I don’t think I should pick him up. I might hurt him.”
“You won’t.” Maddie smiled. “It’s the only way to bond. You have to touch them, hold them, smell them. Change diapers.”
She stood, handing Hayden to Sam before he realized what she was doing. He was too busy trying to figure out how to settle the tiny baby in his arms to sneak a look at her breasts, and Maddie thought it an excellent sign that he was concentrating. Silently, she picked up Henry and settled him to feed.
Apparently Sam developed the knack of holding a baby with lightning speed because his gaze immediately focused on the infant latching on to her nipple. Rats. Now she was uncomfortable.
“Your breasts are so swollen. Do they hurt?”
“A little,” she admitted. “Though I think I won’t be in as much pain if you look away.”
He did, but she could see his eyes were still wide with amazement. The tingling between her legs warned her that she was still very aware of Sam as a man, not as her ex. She insisted to herself the physical sensation was only her body reacting to the baby suckling her nipple. Abby told me that breast-feeding would cause my uterus to contract. That’s all it is.
“I like holding him,” Sam said, his voice rich with pleasure.
Unexpected tears popped into Maddie’s eyes. Would miracles never cease?
“You’re kind of…sweet,” he murmured. “I mean, I think you need a diaper change, little fella, ’cause I’m pretty sure that’s not baby powder I smell, but hey, a guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta do, right?”
He held the baby to his chest, gazing down into the small, open eyes. “I think someone should clean your bottom, which is going to be a little cruel since you’ve had your nice warm mother comforting you with those big breasts, treatment to put any right-thinking male into a seriously relaxed trance. A wipe down to the backside won’t be near as nice, but then you can get right back inside your cozy little blanket. Quite the life of luxury, eh, little man?”
Maddie’s lips parted as Sam oh-so-carefully laid the baby on the bed.
“How do I do this?”
Her eyes widened. “Can you?” She’d expected him to hand the baby to her.
“Is there a huge difference for babies?” Sam asked. “Except less space to cover?”
“I guess not. The washcloths are stacked on the bathroom counter. Go in there and warm one up, and grab a diaper, too.”
“Okay.” He went into the master bath. “Whoa! Who installed the ugly woman spitting water? That’s frightening!”
Maddie grinned. “Our mothers.”
“Ugh!”
“It’s supposed to be soothing. They put it in there to give me an illusion of tranquility. Your mom read that the sound of water bubbling or gurgling was supposed to be calming, so my mom bought the fountain, and together they worked on it.”
“I’m sure they had the best of intentions.” He brought the warmed cloth out, and carefully peeled off the tiny diaper. “I didn’t hear any bubbling or gurgling. Just spitting. And I’ve got to tell you, that’s not a remarkably serene sound effect.”
Maddie couldn’t help laughing. At that moment, her milk let down. “Oh, my gosh!”
“What is it?” He stared at her, pausing in his diapering.
“I let down! I let down! It really works!” Grateful delight ran all through her. “I was so afraid I wouldn’t be able to breast-feed!”
“Why wouldn’t you? You’ve got more-than-satisfactory equipment.”
She let that go in her joy. “I don’t know. I just was afraid I couldn’t.” Staring at the baby suckling earnestly now that he was being rewarded for his trouble, Maddie smiled in dizzy relief. “I got nervous when I couldn’t let down. And there are all these people in the house, which I love, but it’s…”
“Hard to relax.”
“Yes! And then there’s the formula cans.”
Sam finished diapering the baby and cradled him to his chest as he sat on the edge of the bed. “Formula cans?”
“Well, there’s so much pressure, Sam! I know this will sound neurotic, but it says right on the can that ‘breast milk is best. But if you choose not to feed your baby breast milk,’ etc. etc. I mean, how is that supposed to make a woman feel?”
“Pressured?”
“Exactly! I couldn’t get pregnant the normal way. What if my other equipment failed me?”
“I don’t think that’s possible.”
She missed him staring at her breast, which was free of the towel she’d draped over her shoulder. “It all just made me tense, I guess. I’m so happy I can breast-feed my babies!”
He shook his head. “I think you should kick everyone out of the house, except me. This is time you should spend relaxing.”
“I have privacy in my room, and our moms have decorated it beautifully. I’m supposed to feel like I’m in a jungle, far away from everything, among the natural elements of life.”
“It’s certainly got that primitive feel.”
She shook her head at him. “I must have relaxed when you made me laugh, enough to let down.”
“Glad I’m good for something.”
“Precisely. Because if anyone had told me you’d be the instrument of my relaxation, I would have been very concerned.”
“Stranger things have happened, I guess. Why don’t I diaper that greedy little guy if he’s through, and you three can take a nap?”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Why are you being so caring?”
“I was always caring, Maddie. I simply want us to go back to what we had before.” He helped her up and toward the bed, taking the baby from her. “You know, our natural element.”
Tucking Henry next to her body, she said, “Our primitive instincts.”
“Well, yeah. I mean, we’d gotten so calendar-happy. It’s tough to get passionate when you feel like you’re playing beat-the-clock. Not that I’m complaining about having sex. Just the performance thing started to weigh on me.” He glanced at her. “I knew I was letting you down. And when the doctor mentioned my potency, I knew I was holding you back from what you wanted most. That’s not what marriage should be.”
“Oh, Sam.” She stared up at him, feeling regret for everything. “I am sorry about all that.”
“Well.” He finished wiping and diapering Hayden and tucked the infant next to his mother. “Good to see that I wrung out some powerful babies, after all.”
“You did.” A slight smile curved her lips. “Dr. Maitland told me there was a major explosion in the old petri dish.”
Sam nodded at her, not believing a word but enjoying having his vanity soothed. “You know, this is the first time I think I’ve related to you how insecure I’d been.”
“Oh, Sam, I never thought you were the problem. I thought it was me! It’s terrible not to be able to give your husband a child.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “You with your breast milk hang-up and me with performance anxiety. We should do something about our neuroses.”
“We did. It’s called separation.” She closed her eyes sleepily, lulled by Sam’s deep, comforting voice.
Sam looked at his wife and the two content infants hogging the king-size bed, a threesome he wasn’t invited to join. He sighed and went to sit on one of the striped chairs. “So, Sam,” he thought to himself. “Everything’s in good working order now. What next? What’s the opposite of neurotics who separate?” He laid his head back against the chair back, pondering the ceiling. “Secure people who stayed married to each other.”
Maybe. Trouble was, Maddie had already given him a definite no to that suggestion. She was probably right. She was happy now, as she’d said, and more than anything he wanted her to be happy. “Hey, Jane,” he murmured softly, “any room in your jungle for this Tarzan?”
The phone rang, startling him into an upright position. He snatched the china floral phone, answering it so Maddie wouldn’t waken. “Hello?”
“This is Dr. Abby Maitland. May I speak to Maddie Brady, please?”
He resisted the urge to growl Maddie Winston. “She’s asleep.”
“Is this Sam?”
Well, at least Dr. Abby knew the origin of the sperm. “Yes, it is.”
“How’s my patient?”
“Doing fine.”
“How are you doing?”
He frowned at the physician’s interest. “I didn’t just give birth, so I’m not the one you should be concerned about. Maddie is. So if there’s anything you can tell me about how to make this easier on her, that would be appreciated. Any special dos or don’ts?”
“She needs lots of rest and TLC,” Abby said. “A healthy diet, lots of fluids. No lifting except for the babies, of course, and no sexual intercourse for six weeks.”
“Ah.” Six weeks! “I’m so happy I asked.”
“I’ll just bet you are.” Abby laughed. “Don’t hesitate to call me if you have any other questions. Please mention to Maddie when she wakes up that I’d like to speak with her.”
“I’ll do that. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
He heard the laughter not concealed by her professional tone, and hung up the phone, highly disgruntled. Maddie turned over on the bed, her legs smooth and gleaming in the afternoon sunshine lighting the room. He bit his lips and drummed on the sides of the chair.
Six weeks! Thank goodness he’d already warned himself that until he and Maddie worked things out, she was hands-off to him. But oh boy. There was no question he was still desperately attracted to her.
Sam was an old-fashioned guy. If any more of his children were destined to be born, they weren’t going to be stirred in a petri dish or shaken in a tube!
The only way future babies were going to be whipped up would be by him and Maddie finally getting together—naked, skin-to-skin and primally synchronized.
Made the old-fashioned way.
Hide in your jungle, Jane, because Tarzan has no intention of being left out again!
Chapter Four
“You’re taking care of yourself, Maddie?” Abby asked.
Sam had given Maddie a message to call her doctor after she’d awakened from her nap. He’d been pretty careful not to so much as touch Maddie’s fingers when he handed her the portable phone. She sighed, remembering days when Sam had never avoided her. “Even if I weren’t, there’s an army here to make certain I take care of myself.”
“How is Sam coping?”
“Sam is Sam,” Maddie said, her voice even. “Always the gentleman.”
“Hmm. Annoying, is it?”
Maddie laughed. “Maybe a little. Him being a gentleman makes me feel like a witch. I’ve brought all of this turmoil on myself and him, too, but he’s so nice about it that I’ve got guilt growing like a weed.”
“As your doctor, I must advise you to stop thinking like that, Maddie. It’s not healthy. You can’t relax if you’re letting yourself have it all the time. Sam is trying to help.”
“I know. But I can’t help thinking that if he were just a bit less of a prince, I wouldn’t feel quite so witchy.”
“It’s not normal,” Abby said with a sigh, “for a man to be so much more prince than frog, is it?”
“No! It’s not!” Maddie laughed, thankful for Abby’s insight. “And I don’t like feeling as if I’m the frog in the story. But that’s it. I’m an overweight, warty frog.”
“I suspect that’s very contrary to Sam’s way of thinking. If a man gives a woman all the love and kindness and consideration he can, shouldn’t she be happy? Shouldn’t she feel like a princess?” Laughter colored Abby’s tone. “Mix that with after-pregnancy hormones, and you’ve got a real emotional cocktail for Sam.”
Maddie smiled. “Do you know any man who offers to change diapers? Go grocery shopping?”
“Not many. But maybe—maybe, Maddie—you deserve this handsome prince.”
“We weren’t happy before.”
“Then don’t think about getting back together just yet. Play it by ear. You’ll have no expectations to meet. Goodbye, guilt. Pfft! Just like that.”
“That won’t make Sam happy. He wants a traditional family. And he doesn’t want me hitting the test tubes again,” Maddie said slowly. “He wants to try to have children the, um, coital way.”
“Sometimes the floodgates open after a pregnancy, Maddie.”
Her heart lifted at that piece of good news. “Do they really?”
“Oddly enough, yes. In fact, many women get pregnant after giving birth much more quickly than they would like.”
“Oh, my.” Maddie’s heart started pounding at the thought of her big, handsome husband inside her again. Lovemaking with Sam was wonderfully addicting. Pleasurable memories gave her skin goose pimples. “Sam has princely tendencies in that area, too,” she said, her tone wistful.
“Doesn’t feel so bad when you think about those good old days, does it?” Abby asked with a laugh. “Six weeks, please. And I’ll need to see you in two.”
“But what if it doesn’t take?” Maddie asked. “What if my floodgates don’t open?”
“I can’t assure you that they will,” Abby said, “but two babies are enough if it means you and Sam are happy together. Everybody’s got to compromise a little. I’ll see you in two weeks, and in the meantime, let that gorgeous husband of yours pamper you. The nurses here have talked about nothing else since they laid eyes on him the day the twins were born. Just like that Mason Blackstone. My goodness, he’s certainly turned the place upside down. I believe he could get raffled off among the nurses.”
“Those twins are fine, then?”
“Yes, thriving, I’m happy to say. Mason’s a lot like Sam, just as devoted. There’re a lot of disappointed ladies around here. Too bad Sam only had eyes for his wife,” she said. “We should all be so plagued. Ta-ta, dear.”
The line went dead as Abby’s cheery voice faded. “Goodbye,” Maddie said slowly, turning off the portable phone. Maybe Abby was right. “Maybe I’m really not a frog,” she murmured. Perhaps just overly cautious. Neither she nor Sam had been happy at the end. But her soul had twisted when Sam said he’d expected her to choose him.
She hadn’t expected him to actually walk out of their marriage. And then leave the country.
For nine months.
It had hurt so much. He didn’t have to go so far away. She had thought their marriage was finished. And now he wanted to walk back into her life. She understood he was motivated by the babies, but it hit an off note in her heart that he’d had no intention of coming back for her.
She thought about Mason Blackstone, and his vigilant care of the twins he’d found himself unexpectedly fathering. They’d been born a scant two hours after Maddie’s, so she’d followed their progress with interest. Mason had been with those babies every second upon discovering he was their sole guardian. Sam was reacting the same way Mason Blackstone had upon finding himself in a paternal role. He was being protective. Caring. Sheltering.
It was an instinct she appreciated but selfishly, she wanted more. She wanted Sam to have returned to her without knowing about the children. She wanted Sam to have never walked out that door. She wanted him to have stayed in America.
She wanted all the doubt to go away. She wanted forgiveness to rush into her soul, instead of guilt.
No matter how hard she tried to keep him at arm’s length, he was determined to sneak back into her heart. Yet the equation was lopsided.
Secretly, she was hurt that he’d talked to Martin about keeping her from using his DNA. She wouldn’t have hit the sperm bank again without discussing it with Sam, and she felt he should have known that. Or talked to her about it. They were running on different tracks, or maybe she expected his trust when she didn’t deserve it.
But a real fear underlay the hurt she was hiding behind. Walking into the bathroom, she stared at the water fountain their mothers had tried so hard to build. Despite their best intentions, it hadn’t quite worked out right.
“Okay,” she said to the curvaceous metal woman that adorned the fountain. “Say that Sam and I put the past behind us. But then we can’t get pregnant again. I don’t think that would be good for Sam’s ego, especially since I’ve conceived without him.”
She dabbled her finger in the water that pooled at the bottom of the statue’s skirt. “I could compromise. I could say that two babies are all I want, although Sam probably wouldn’t believe me at this point. And he’s already ruled out any further lab experiments, as he puts it.” She sighed, wondering if she could trim the picture of the large family she’d always dreamed of down to two. “Maybe my skin is green and warty,” she said to the spitting woman.
The water fitz-fitzed unabated.
“Suck it up, sister,” Maddie told her. “You’re not exactly perfect yourself.”
THE PHONE RANG as Maddie stepped from the shower. She picked up the portable she’d left on the bathroom counter. “Hello?”
“May I speak to Mrs. Sam Winston, please?”
Puzzled, Maddie frowned at the foreign accent. “This is Maddie Winston.”
“Maddie, my name is Vivi Jardin. I hope you will not mind my phone call.”
Her stomach dropped; her heart began an uncomfortable pounding in her throat. “I hope I don’t, either.”
“I would not have called, except you are the only person who can possibly help me with my problem,” Vivi said.
Maddie pulled her towel more closely to her. “What problem would that be?”
“I do not know if you are aware of this, but your husband has canceled his plan to buy our company, Jardin Wineries. Did he mention that to you?”
“Briefly.” Maddie wasn’t going to discuss Sam’s business dealings—but she wasn’t going to correct Vivi’s use of the term “husband,” either.
“It puts my brother, Jean-Luc, and me in a terrible position, to be honest. We can’t find another buyer on such short notice, and as much as I hate to say this, we find ourselves financially embarrassed. We were counting on Sam to buy our company so we could pay off creditors, you see.”
“I think you should speak to Sam about this.”
“Well, that’s the problem. According to his lawyer, Sam wants to concentrate on matters at home, specifically his two children.” Vivi’s voice lowered silkily. “We understand that. We wonder if perhaps we could lure you into having a honeymoon vacation in our country, where you could see our wonderful vineyards, and perhaps get an idea of everything Sam is giving up?”
Maddie stiffened. Giving up. During their separation, Sam had told his parents this winery was the chance of a lifetime. Now he’d given up his dream, when she had selfishly coerced him into hers. She hadn’t meant for that to happen.
If Joey had waited one more day to call, Sam would have what he’d worked so hard for. His dream.
No, that was all wrong, too. Sam had the right to know about his children.
“It is not uncommon for companies to woo the family of the prospective buyer,” Vivi continued. “We are aware that Sam has a family with needs that must be considered, and we are prepared to work with you, if there is any chance at all you believe Sam might still be interested in purchasing us.”
Oh, there was no question he’d be interested. Sara had said that Sam was like a kid in a candy store over the possibility.
“This deal is important to us because Sam is an interested foreign buyer, you see. And he has the financial resources, as well as an international reputation for his business acumen and knowledge of the industry. Jean-Luc and I were only too happy to have an American buyer who would help us with our cash flow problem, and yet allow us to maintain our name and company position.”
“I see,” Maddie said slowly.
“Is this something you might consider? We would be more than happy to arrange a vacation here in lovely France for you and Sam, and a tour of our vineyards.”
“I could mention your idea to Sam,” she said reluctantly. “I don’t know that I have any sway with him.”
“Thank you,” Vivi said. “You would like France.”
“Oh, I couldn’t come, though I appreciate the invitation,” Maddie replied, distracted. Her nipples started to tingle and burn, surprising her. She was letting down on her own! It was time to nurse her babies. “I’m afraid that’s too far for me to travel right now.”
“What a shame,” Vivi said softly. “France is such a wonderful country. So romantic.”
“Yes, I’ve heard. Goodbye.” She switched off the phone and hurried to the audio baby monitor, which she snapped on. The sound of crying reached her ears. “Mom?”
“No, it’s Sam. Are you all right?”
“I’m fine, but I think the babies need to…need me.”
“I think you’re right. I’ll bring in the troops.”
By the time Sam entered with two wailing babies, Maddie was seated in a striped chair. She took one from Sam, cooing to it as she put it to her breast. The baby latched on with no problem, sucking hungrily. Maddie beamed with joy. “Did you see that?”
“Uh, yes I did.” Sam shifted, keeping his finger tucked into Hayden’s mouth so the baby would be pacified long enough for his brother to feed. “Pretty amazing.”
“Yes, it is.” Maddie felt like she sparkled all over with pride. “What good boys they are!”
“Their mom’s pretty amazing herself.”
Amazing? Not really, when she had so many doubts about almost everything these days! But she could push herself, for Sam’s sake. “I just received a very surprising phone call.”
“Oh?” He looked at her, and Maddie thought he was so handsome. The truth was, she wanted him all to herself, but that wasn’t right.
“Vivi Jardin called.”
“Vivi!”
He didn’t look pleased. Maddie pushed away the jealousy and reminded herself to be amazing. “She is upset that you rescinded your offer.”
“Then she needs to discuss it with me.”
“I told her that.” She swallowed, brushing her baby’s cheek with a light finger. “She said that she and her brother wanted to bring me over there to see the vineyards. Apparently, the Jardins are in some financial difficulty, and want to hang on to you as a buyer. She made no bones about wanting to romance me as part of the package.”
“If I want you romanced, I’ll take you to France myself.” His frown deepened.
“I don’t want to poke my nose into your business, Sam. But wasn’t this something you wanted?”
“Past tense.”
“The only reason you changed your mind was the babies, right?”
“Not exactly.”
His eyes shifted, and she knew he wasn’t telling the truth. Her heart felt as if it were turning inside out. “I’d like to see you achieve something you want,” she said softly. “I know how much it means to finally have what I always hoped for.” She stared down at the pretty baby, her soft, plump dream come true. “I’d like that for you, too.”
“Maddie, I’m focusing on you and the children right now. Everything else is peripheral.”
I cost him that. Selfishly. He’d had no choice in fatherhood. “Sam, it’s too uneven.”
“I’m happy, Maddie.” He stared at her. “I don’t know what else to tell you.”
She closed her eyes. Sure you are. You’re just thrilled that I stole your dream.