For Dad. The true king of the ‘dad joke’.
Thank you for being you and always encouraging
me to boldly go into my creative future.
Love you long and prosper! xxx
First published in Great Britain 2019
by Egmont UK Limited
The Yellow Building, 1 Nicholas Road, London W11 4AN
Text and illustrations copyright © 2019 Laura Ellen Anderson
The moral rights of the author and illustrator have been asserted
First e-book edition 2019
ISBN 978 1 4052 9209 2
Ebook ISBN 978 1 4052 9414 0
www.egmont.co.uk
A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library
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CONTENTS
Cover
Dedication and Copyright
Title Page
MAP OF THE KINGDOM OF THE LIGHT
MEET THE NOCTURNIANS AND GLITTEROPOLANS
1. SPARE KNICKERS
2. PRINCE CAPTAIN
3. THE OTHER LEFT
4. THE ISLAND IS YOUR PLATE
5. BEARDED BUGS
6. THAT GHOST PIE SANG TO THE PIGEON AT DAWN
7. SOPHISTICATED LADYBIRD WITH A BRIEFCASE
8. NO SIGN, NO HOPE
9. A CORN THAT BUMBLES
10. I AM NOT A SOFA
11. THE CURSE OF THE SUGARPLUM TREE
12. THE NECTAR CARRIAGE
13. OI, KEVIN!
14. CORAL JUICE
15. THE TIDDLYPIPS WING
16. IT’S ALL COMING BACK TO ‘IM!
17. THE TINGLE
18. BE TINY AND BRAVE
19. ONE SMALL BEACON OF LIGHT
Back series promotional page
SPARE KNICKERS
As the sun rose in the Kingdom of the Dark, the creatures of Nocturnia were all getting ready for bed; all apart from one little vampire and her pet pumpkin, Squashy.
‘Muuuum !’ Amelia Fang called up the spiral staircase of the Fang Mansion. ‘Have you seen my pumpkin backpack? I need it for the Rainbow Rangers camping trip, and I have to be in Central Nocturnia Graveyard in ten minutes to meet everyone!’
A yellow door halfway down the corridor burst open and Countess Frivoleeta, a beautiful vampiress with VERY tall hair, appeared. She was wearing a long sparkly dressing gown with HUGE shoulder pads and her hair was wrapped up in a glittery towel.
‘Darkling!’ she oozed, scooping Amelia up in her arms. ‘I can’t believe you’re going away for the whole half-moon holiday!’ She kissed Amelia three times on each cheek, leaving behind shiny black lipstick marks. ‘Now, did you remember your fang polish? How about your pale skin scrub? Oh, and some spare pairs of knickers just in case any get eaten by vultures or something . . .’
‘Mum!’ Amelia blushed. ‘None of my things will get eaten by vultures. Plus, we’re going to the Kingdom of the Light. You don’t really get any vultures over there. But I really do need to find my pumpkin backpack or I won’t be able to pack a spare pair of anything.’
The countess pondered for a moment and then disappeared into her bedroom. A few seconds later, she emerged from another room further along the corridor. The doors of the Fang Mansion were rather unusual; they moved around whenever they pleased and Amelia was lucky if her bedroom was behind the same door for more than a few weeks at a time. Some doors disappeared, new ones appeared and you never knew quite where you were going to end up!
‘You can use this bag if you like? It’s one of my favourites!’ said the countess, stroking a furry clutch bag which looked like a flattened mouse. Amelia was unsure she’d fit her hand inside it let alone a week’s worth of camping essentials. As Amelia tried to figure out a way to let her mother down gently, her dad appeared from the bathroom with a crossword puzzle tucked under one arm.
‘Ah! My favourite sausage sizzler!’ said Count Drake the Third when he saw Amelia. ‘You must be excited to escape organ practice for a whole week!’ He winked mischievously.
Countess Frivoleeta glared at her husband. ‘Drake my most dreadful flabbergaster, Amelia will be catching up with her organ practice after the half-moon holiday, won’t you, darkling?’
Amelia sighed. ‘Yeess, Mum.’
The Fang Mansion Grimfather clock chimed, causing Amelia to shriek.
‘It’s already 5am! I’m going to be late !’ she said, running along the corridor. ‘Where’s my backpack?!’
Squashy bounced around in circles, waggling his stalk and squeaking in shared panic.
‘Do you mean this backpack, young Amelia?’ came a familiar voice from the bottom of the stairs.
Wooo, the most respected ghost butler in the Kingdom of the Dark, floated up towards them holding a round orange bag.
‘Oh, Wooo!’ said Amelia, running over to him. ‘You’re the best!’
‘I found it in the basement being cradled by a bogeyman. He’d adopted it as his pet.’ Wooo turned to the count and countess. ‘I’m afraid the bogeyman infestation is getting worse. We’ll need to move them on quickly otherwise they’ll start to take over the whole house. They’ll wear all your clothes, Countess, and then rip them up. For fun.’
Countess Frivoleeta looked as though she might faint, and her left eyeball was spinning around so quickly it was dangerously close to falling out.
‘It’s okay, my dearest little pus-fart. We’ll sort it.’ Count Drake nodded at Wooo and took a deep breath. ‘I’ll call the Bogey Busters tonight.’
With her pumpkin backpack filled to the brim, a few spare pairs of knickers (JUST IN CASE) and a very bouncy Squashy, Amelia kissed her mum and dad goodbye. She was so nervous, her tummy felt full of fluttering vampire moths. She’d never been away from home for this long before without her parents; not even when she ventured to Glitteropolis to find Tangine’s mum.
Countess Frivoleeta straightened Amelia’s Rainbow Rangers sash. ‘I expect this will be FULL of badges by the time you return.’ The countess smiled. ‘You’re going to have the best time.’
‘I hope so!’ said Amelia. ‘I’ll miss you and dad though.’
‘Oh, you’ll forget all about missing us when you’re having fun with your friends, my little toe-stopper,’ said Amelia’s mum. ‘You won’t want to come home!’
‘And don’t go eating anything you shouldn’t,’ said Count Drake.
Amelia giggled. ‘Don’t worry, Dad. I won’t. A Rainbow Ranger must always be prepared. Plus, our Ranger leaders, Ricky and Graham, will be looking after us the whole time.’
‘Well, you take care, my little pimple-popper.’ Her dad smiled and gave Amelia a squeeze. He opened the vine-covered door that revealed a misty Central Nocturnia Graveyard.
‘Right then,’ said Amelia. ‘My very first camping trip! This is going to be the best half-moon holiday ever!’
And with a wide-eyed Squashy tucked under one arm, she stepped into the gloomy haze.
PRINCE CAPTAIN
Amelia felt the spongy ground of the graveyard beneath her feet and breathed in the crisp night air. Squashy pa-doinged around her ankles and bounced across to where a whole mishmash of excitable creatures were gathered; from zombies and yetis to ghosts, werewolves and serpents. At the front of the crowd were two large unicorns, each wearing a rainbow-coloured scarf tied around their necks and a peaked cap with a rainbow logo sewn on to the front.
‘Galloping gaffer tape!’ said one of the unicorns. ‘You see that tree there, Ricky?’
The unicorn called Ricky looked towards a blackened spiky tree. ‘Yeah, I see it, Graham . . .’
‘Well, don’t you think it looks a bit like me?’ said Graham.
‘Nah. I was thinking it looked much more like me actually. Bit broader in the shoulders, good set of elbows . . .’ Ricky paused, then added, ‘and bigger hooves.’
‘Well, it probably reminds both of you of, well, both of you,’ said Amelia as she approached. ‘It’s the famous Petrified-Tree-That-Looks-Like-a-Unicorn.’
Ricky and Graham looked at each other then said at the same time, ‘definitely looks more like me.’
Amelia giggled at the two unicorns. She had already met Ricky and Graham, back when they were unicorn guards in Glitteropolis. Since then, Ricky and Graham had quit their guard duties, moved to Nocturnia and started the Rainbow Rangers club.
‘Good to see you this fine half-moon holiday, Amelia Fang.’ Graham gave a dramatic bow as Amelia skipped backwards out of the way of his very sharp unicorn horn.
‘The half-moon holiday is my favourite time of year. Although it is the first time I’ve spent it away from home,’ said Amelia with a slightly nervous fang-filled smile.
‘Be brave, little Creature of the Dark,’ said Ricky, wagging a reassuring hoof in Amelia’s direction. ‘Rainbow Rangers look after each other so you will be fine. And besides, me and Graham have got big plans for this trip, you won’t have hardly any time at all to feel homesick!’
‘Oh, I sure hope so . . .’ whispered a high-pitched voice from behind Amelia.
‘Hi, Grimaldi!’ Amelia hugged the little grim reaper, who had floated up beside her. ‘I’m nervous too but I am so excited to go camping together. No school for a whole week!’
‘And no scraping small dead creatures off the streets!’ Grimaldi added, waving his scythe around. ‘My grimpapa will have to take care of that while I’m away.’ Grimaldi Reaperton was a tiny reaper who dealt with the deaths of small creatures around Nocturnia. And even though Death was his middle name, he was actually scared of almost everything.
Suddenly, a CRASH was heard as the ground burst open a few feet away from Amelia and Grimaldi. The little reaper shot a mile into the air and Squashy squeaked and bounced into Amelia’s arms for comfort. A gravestone went hurtling through the air, followed by a very confused zombie’s head.
‘My heeeeeeeeeeeeead !’ the head screeched, as it rolled away into the woods.
Where the grave once stood, a huge yeti, NOT to be confused with a beast, emerged.
‘IT’S THE ’ARF MOON ’OLIDAY!’ bellowed Florence Spudwick. ‘NO SCHOOOOOOL!’
‘Hi, Florence!’ replied Grimaldi and Amelia in unison.
Florence had been practising her pit digging every night. A super-special yeti skill, Florence had now mastered the art of digging her way around the city, creating her very own nifty network of underground tunnels – the latest of which ended right where the gravestone had once stood.
Prince Tangine La Floofle the First was the last of the Rainbow Rangers to arrive, accompanied by the loud PA-DOOFS of his genetically modified pet pumpkin, Pumpy.
‘Sorry I’m late,’ Tangine said with a sigh. ‘I HAD to apply my eyelid cream and let it dry before I could leave.’
Graham tapped his unicorn hooves impatiently and raised a sceptical eyebrow.
Prince Tangine was half-fairy, half-vampire and rather fond of his nightly skin care routine. He was also one of Amelia’s best friends, along with Florence and Grimaldi.
‘WHAT THE BATS ARE YOU PUTTING EYELID CREAM ON FOR?’ said Florence.
‘To prevent them from drooping,’said Tangine with an air of superiority. ‘You’ll be sorry when your eyelids get all droopy and I still look RAVISHING.’
Florence was just about to tell Tangine exactly what she was thought of his eyelids when Ricky the unicorn interrupted the excited chitter chatter of the group with an announcement.
‘Good morning Rainbow Rangers! Now you’re all here, I can finally tell you where we’ll be camping for the half-moon holiday. We will be staying in a remote and quiet little place called Sugarplum Island. It’s surrounded by the sea and is just a few miles east of the Kingdom of the Light.’
There was a buzz of anticipation amongst the young Rainbow Rangers.
‘Prepare yourselves for some awesome activities and the chance to earn yourselves a BUNCH of Rainbow Ranger BADGES,’ Ricky continued.
‘Oooh! I LOVE badges!’ squealed Amelia. She was determined to fill up her Rainbow Ranger sash with as many badges as she could by the end of the half-moon holiday. Who didn’t love a badge ?!
‘Whoever gets the most badges by the end of the week will be awarded the position of Rainbow Ranger Captain!’ Graham added.
The Rainbow Rangers cheered and high-fived each other excitedly.
‘That will be ME, of course,’ said a loud voice. Amelia, Florence and Grimaldi sighed. Frankie Steinburg was a ghoul in the same class as Amelia at school and it was just typical that she would join the Rainbow Rangers too. She was very competitive and constantly trying to outdo everyone.
‘Okay, Rangers!’ Graham called over the commotion. ‘Before we leave, you know what to do . . . ’
Amelia and the rest of the Rainbow Rangers lined up. They straightened their sashes and saluted before earnestly reciting the Rainbow Ranger Promise:
‘In the brightest day and the gloomiest night,
Whether I’m a creature of Dark or of Light.
I will be patient and grateful and kind,
And never leave a fellow Ranger behind.
I’ll strive to keep learning. I’ll trek and explore.
And promise to keep the Rainbow Ranger Law.’
‘I think I’m gonna cry,’ said Ricky, dabbing at his eyes with his rainbow scarf.
Graham was already sobbing. ‘Okay, Rainbow Rangers,’ he said through his sniffles. ‘Let’s get this half-moon holiday adventure started!’
THE OTHER LEFT
Amelia gazed through the Rainbow Wagon window as they trundled through the Kingdom of the Light, into the Meadow of Loveliness and past the Wishing Well of Well Wishes. Graham was driving and Ricky was giving directions.
‘LEFT!’ shouted Ricky suddenly, making everyone jump. ‘No, wait . . . THE OTHER LEFT. LIGHT. I mean, RIGHT. REFT?’
‘Oh my days, Ricky !’ said Graham as he narrowly missed a bewildered looking pixiehen in an apron. ‘You’re RUBBISH at this. Next time, YOU drive, and I’ll read the map.’
‘Oh, we have a map?’ said Ricky.
‘Yes Ricky, you BIG ONION!’ said Graham. ‘Oh, NOW I’ve missed the next turning! This is all your fault.’
As the Rainbow Wagon swerved and screeched through the Vivid Valley, Amelia was excited to see places in the Kingdom of the Light she’d never seen before; the Marvellous Mountains, that glinted in their marvellousness, and the sweet-smelling Strawberry Streams. Although Amelia and Grimaldi agreed the smell of the dank, algae-covered River Styx was better.
Squashy was snoring lightly in Amelia’s lap and she also began to feel her eyes drooping.
Back home she would usually be fast asleep at this time of the morning.
But in the Kingdom of the Light, where the Rainbow Rangers were heading, things were the other way around. Amelia gave a big yawn.
After many winding roads and having scoffed too many sugary sweets, Grimaldi had managed to use every single sick bag available. He did not deal well with travelling for long periods of time. But finally, and much to everyone’s relief, the Rainbow Wagon reached its destination; the Dazzling Docks. And boy were they dazzling – the sea sparkled fiercely, making the Rainbow Rangers squint and shield their eyes, as the shining waves lapped up on to the sandy beach.
‘SO MUCH DAZZLE,’ said Florence, shielding her eyes as she stepped out on to the soft sandy ground.
‘Wow! I’ve never seen water like that before,’ said Amelia, staring at the sea. The bright shimmering waves washed away the last of her sleepiness. ‘It’s so different to the Frogleg Falls or the Putrid Pond back home.’
‘It’s definitely more sparkly,’ Grimaldi agreed, lifting a hand to cover his mouth. The brightness wasn’t helping his travel sickness. ‘I think after a week of all these bright colours, I’ll be relieved to go back home to the grey murkiness of Nocturnia.’
The Dazzling Docks were packed full of little wooden boats all painted with different colours and patterns. Amelia liked the fact that each boat seemed to have its very own personality. Ricky and Graham had gathered the Rainbow Rangers on the pier where a huge sparkly polar bear with a wooden leg and an eye patch was waiting. Amelia thought he was a bit grizzly to be working in the Kingdom of the Light amongst the glittery fairies and cute puppy-dragons.
‘Alright, you horrible lot, listen up!’ said Ricky. ‘The very nice Mr Shivery Tim Bear here, has kindly offered to lend us a bunch of his row boats to get across to Sugarplum Island.’
Mr Shivery Tim Bear grunted and nodded.
‘And, GUESS WHAT?!’ Graham added. ‘This is your first chance to earn a badge.’ He did an awkward wobbly twirl just to emphasise exactly how impressed everyone should be about this.
Grimaldi sniggered.
Mr Shivery Tim Bear stood next to Graham in silence. The polar bear didn’t look very impressed.
‘If you successfully cross the water without sinking, you could earn yourself your first badge! But . . .’ Graham paused dramatically. ‘You won’t just be rowing across to the island . . .’
‘Oof !’ exclaimed Amelia, as Frankie pushed in front of her, eager to be first to hear how to win the new badge.
‘You will be racing!’ Ricky declared, taking over from Graham. ‘The first Rainbow Ranger to reach the coast wins an I GOT THERE FIRST badge. So, in an orderly fashion, go and pick a vessel!’
Without hesitation, the Rainbow Rangers scrambled forwards, desperate to find a boat and win the race.
Florence pushed her way through the crowd and launched herself into a small polka dot boat. A huge wave of water rose in the air, soaking a shocked Ricky and Graham.
Amelia and Squashy made themselves comfortable in a black and white stripy boat, while Grimaldi found a swirly patterned one.
Tangine chose the most extravagantly decorated boat in the docks; adorned with four wrought iron posts and lavish frilly red curtains. It rather resembled a floating fourposter bed.
In the water next to Amelia was Frankie. Her narrow boat was covered in green spikes – it looked a bit like a floating cactus. ‘Don’t expect to beat me,’ Frankie said with a glare, poising herself for the race.
Amelia rolled her eyes and braced her oars.
‘Good luck Amelia,’ whispered Grimaldi from the boat next to her. ‘And make sure you don’t let Frankie win!’
‘Don’t worry, I’ll try my best!’ Amelia said, smiling. She looked out towards Sugarplum Island as it glimmered on the horizon.
‘Okay, Rangers!’ Graham shouted across the docks to the eagerly waiting racing creatures. ‘Before you set off, there is one thing to be aware of – there have been rumours of shadows beneath the waves of the Sea of Sparkles; wiggles in the tides and secrets in the sea spray . . .’
‘Graham, you’re doing your annoying explaining-things-in-weird-ways-nobody-understands thing,’ said Ricky.
Graham sighed. ‘Fine. There’s weird stuff in the sea but no one knows what it is. Okay ?’
The Rainbow Rangers muttered nervously amongst themselves and Grimaldi peered warily over the side of his swirly boat. Amelia leaned across and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. ‘Whatever it is, it can’t be as bad as what lives in the Putrid Pond or beneath the Nocturnian graveyard, right?’ Grimaldi giggled and nodded.
‘You’ll be fine!’ Ricky reassured everyone with a big grin. ‘Just stay in your boat and everything will be grand.’ The Rainbow Rangers were silent.
Ricky cleared his throat. ‘Alrighty then! Let’s get this show started. Ready, steady . . . ROW!’