A Dream Christmas

CHAPTER FIVE

‘THAT WAS SUCH FUN. I haven’t skated for years.’

Riley, her face bright pink with exercise and cold, shoved her hand into the crook of James’s arm as they walked past the magnificent giant Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center, its two glorious trumpeting angels on either side. Her lips twitched from trying to keep her laugh from bubbling out. ‘Your style was … interesting.’

James looked down at her. ‘Oh, you like the way that I grip the railing? Jeez, a snail could’ve passed me.’

‘Three-year-olds did,’ Riley pointed out. ‘It’s so nice to know that you suck at something, Moreau. You always do everything so well that it’s a relief to know that you aren’t perfect.’

‘Far from it, Ri.’ James knew that her words held merit. And they should since he’d worked hard to perfect the facade he presented to the world—rich, fun, charming, unavailable, and he knew exactly how to project whatever the situation required. Very few people had ever managed to peek behind the mask and he liked it that way. Except that Riley did and always had.

There was little room for failure in his life and it felt odd to feel as relaxed, as comfortable with Riley as he did, the other party in one of his two personal failures. It was all such a long time ago and he’d been young and she’d been even younger and a part of him thought he could almost forgive the stupid kids they’d been. It didn’t mean that love was on the cards for him—until he understood the concept, he’d avoid it—but he was happy to be with her, to have her friendship again, even if he did live his life semi-erect these days since sex with Riley was pretty much all he fantasised about.

She was too good a friend and too talented an employee to lose.

‘I need to get home, Jay,’ Riley said as they stopped at a traffic light, her gloved hand now in his bare one. ‘Whistle for a taxi for me?’

James turned to face her. ‘Come home with me. I have a surprise for you.’

Riley sent him her patented what-are-you-up-to-now? look. ‘A good surprise or a bad surprise?’

‘A good surprise, oh, cynical one. And, to sweeten the pot, I’ll tell you that I’ve received a case of Bon Chance’s Merlot—’

‘My Merlot?’ Riley almost danced on the spot. ‘The 2004?’

‘Yep,’ James confirmed. ‘But you’ll have to come to my place to drink it. And you’ll have to do a bit of work.’

‘Jeez, I’ve decorated your apartment, I’ve bought your Christmas gifts and I’ve organised your Christmas party,’ she complained good-naturedly. ‘What else do you want me to do?’

‘You’ll see,’ James said cryptically. ‘You haven’t bought Morgan and Noah’s wedding present yet; is that why you’re hanging onto my credit card?’

She looked at him from under those long, long lashes. ‘Mmm. I suppose I should tell you that I used it at a number of Madison Avenue stores today. Thanks for my new winter wardrobe, by the way.’

James shook his head and grinned. ‘Liar.’

Riley sucked in her cheeks to keep herself from smiling. ‘How can you tell?’

James placed his hand on the back of her neck. ‘Firstly, you can’t lie worth a damn. Secondly, you’re not the type to allow any man to buy your clothes and thirdly, you would consider using my card for your benefit stealing. And you’re the most honest person I know. And lastly …’

‘What?’

James laughed down at her. ‘No banking alerts.’

Riley shrugged and gave him a shoulder bump as they crossed the street. ‘So, did you look at those portfolios I gave you?’

He pretended not to know what she was talking about because he hadn’t looked at anything to do with the possible candidates to replace her. He had no intention of ever looking at anyone to replace her. ‘What portfolios?’

‘Dammit, Moreau. You told me to look for someone to replace me; I found six people, all of whom would do a stupendous job as window designer.’

‘Is your portfolio in there?’

‘James …’ Riley said in warning.

‘Then not interested.’ He dropped a kiss on her nose and sent her a grin. ‘Stop fighting with me; you’re going to spoil your surprise.’

‘You are the most annoying human being alive,’ Riley muttered.

James shrugged, knowing that she wouldn’t feel like that for long.

‘A CHRISTMAS TREE? You bought me a Christmas tree?’

‘The American tradition is to decorate it on Christmas Eve but I thought that it would be fun to have one up for the Christmas party, and it’s your favourite thing to do at Christmastime.’

‘That and singing carols.’

‘Which you are amazingly bad at.’

Riley pulled a tongue at him and then her eyes went back to the massive bare fir tree that stood in the corner of James’s apartment, dropping slivers of green onto his expensive floor. As soon as James took her coat she walked over to the tree and touched its branches.

‘As a little girl, your favourite part of Christmas was doing this—decorating the tree. I remember that you’d start sketching designs in mid-November and by the first of December you’d have the one in your house decorated and you’d start nagging us to get ours done.’ James shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and rocked on his heels. ‘When we finally gave in to you, you became a bossyboots, ordering us about and dictating where to place the ornaments and how to place them.’

Riley grinned. ‘I did. I love putting up the tree.’

James gestured to it. ‘It’s all yours; decorate away. Ornaments are in the boxes.’

Riley sank to her haunches and reached for the nearest box and opened the lid. Inside were exquisite hand-blown glass ornaments, crystal angels and perfectly wrapped miniature boxes. ‘James, these are beautiful. Where did you get them?’

He shrugged. ‘Sorry, no idea. I wish I’d had the time to track them down myself but, you know, mining company to run. I called Mum’s personal shopper and told her that I wanted the nicest, artiest, most unusual ornaments she could find.’

‘The bill is going to be enormous,’ Riley warned him, cradling a golden glass ball with a jewelled angel on it. ‘They’re exquisite.’

‘And they’re yours, by the way. For the tree now, for all your Christmas trees in the future. Your early Christmas present.’

Riley stared at him, unable to speak past the lump in her throat. What an utterly perfect gift, she thought. The tree, the ornaments, the fact that he knew her so incredibly well. How was she ever going to get on that plane just over a week from now—how would she do that? And how could he let her go when there was so much emotion shimmering between them, so much fun to be had?

James, say something to make me think that you believe in me, believe in us, she silently begged him. Something that will wipe away the confusion and tell me that there is more to the James and Riley story than massive attraction and a blossoming friendship.

James just rubbed the back of his neck and softly shook his head. ‘I’ll get you that wine.’

Riley blinked back tears as she started to unpack the boxes filled with the fragile, exquisite works of art. Decorating this tree would take the longest time, she decided, because she couldn’t help inspecting each ornament, marvelling at the craftsmanship, the artistry.

‘What about some Christmas carols later?’ James asked, putting her glass of wine on the floor next to her knee. He ran his hand over her hair. ‘I don’t have any Christmas songs on my iPod but I thought that, after supper, maybe I could play a couple on my guitar and test how rusty I actually am.’

Riley grinned at him, delighted. ‘I haven’t heard you play for … jeez … ten, twelve years! That would be amazing. And I could sing …’

‘Uh … no; you sing as well as I skate. I’ll sing, you decorate the tree. Deal?’

Riley over-exaggerated her pout. ‘Can I hum?’

‘No. Eat, drink, decorate. That’s it.’

‘Huh.’

‘THANKS FOR COMING with me today,’ Riley told James as they stood in the small meeting room of the community centre, a plastic cup of warm punch in her hand. It was the community centre’s modest Christmas party and her art students had begged her to come. James, dressed in jeans and a leather bomber jacket, had tagged along. He was looking around curiously and ignoring the appreciative looks of her female students. It didn’t matter that they weren’t out of school yet—James was hot and he was worth a second look.

And a third, and a fourth.

‘Tell me again what you do here.’ James took a sip of his punch, swallowed manfully and managed not to look horrified. It wasn’t twelve-year-old whisky or Bon Chance wine but James didn’t let that bother him. It seemed that he was only a coffee snob.

‘I teach art to the kids. Mostly at risk teenagers.’

‘Okay. How and why and when did this come about?’

Riley thought about avoiding the question and then she shrugged her shoulders and quietly answered his question. ‘I saw an advert where they were asking for volunteers … and I started teaching classes a couple of times a week. Pottery, art, drawing. Lesley, the girl in the black miniskirt and purple gilet, is hugely talented.’

‘I have no idea what a gilet is and I don’t care.’ James’s voice rumbled in her ear. ‘That explains the how—you left out the why and when.’

Of course he wouldn’t leave it alone. ‘The why is because I had a lot of time on my hands; Morgan and Noah fell in love and they were—are—inseparable. Noah and I get along really well but I always feel like a third wheel when it’s just the three of us.’

‘Know that feeling. They exchange these long looks and I just know that he’s thinking about getting her into bed. It freaks the hell out of me, especially since I prefer to think of Morgan as not having had sex, ever.’

Riley had to laugh at that and couldn’t resist the urge to tease him. ‘Well, I have it on very good authority that she is having lots and lots of lovely, creative sex …’

‘You’re a cruel woman, Taylor,’ James moaned. ‘Why does that turn me on?’

Riley blushed. ‘Anyway …’

‘Anyway, you were telling me about this place.’

Riley shrugged. ‘I was lonely and I’ve enjoyed every second of teaching these kids. I was thinking of doing something similar when I get back to Cape Town.’ She felt James stiffen and knew what was coming next.

‘I know that you love your job and I get that you might be missing Morgan’s friendship, her attention. But how is going back to Cape Town the solution? I just don’t understand what’s motivating you wanting to move, Ri.’

‘Can’t you just accept the fact that I know it’s the right thing to do?’ Riley demanded.

‘No. I can’t. Because I don’t think it is. Because I really believe in the saying that “wherever you go, you take yourself with you”. Running doesn’t make things go away; sometimes it just exacerbates the problem.’

Maybe. But she was stuck between a rock and a hard place, the devil and the deep blue sea. Either she stayed in New York in a job she loved, in the orbit of a man who seemed to enjoy her company now, but as soon as they slept with each other—because they couldn’t hold out for ever—the chase would be over and he’d get bored and break her heart. Or she could leave and not see him for very long periods of time which would—drum-roll, please—break her heart.

Sucks to be you, Taylor.

AS HE BADE the last of his guests goodbye, James couldn’t believe that the party he’d—well, mostly Riley—had prepped and planned for was over, that it was scarcely a week until Christmas and not long before Riley walked out of his life and headed back to Cape Town. How was he going to function in NYC without her?

And why did the thought of needing her feel like a punch to his heart? He didn’t need her, he told himself; he just liked having her around. When she went, he’d be fine. He always was.

Why didn’t he feel convinced?

Riley stepped out of her backless shoes and groaned. ‘Arrrgh. Gorgeous shoes but they hurt like hell.’

James pulled down his black tie and tugged at the button on the collar of his white dress shirt. ‘You looked gorgeous tonight, Ri. Did I tell you that?’

Pleasure sparked in her eyes. ‘You did but I don’t mind hearing it again.’

‘And the musicians were perfect and the food was wonderful.’

‘You’re full of compliments tonight, Moreau. You feeling all right?’

But he wasn’t in the mood for teasing. He placed a hand on her shoulder and stroked her arm from collarbone to wrist. ‘Thanks for doing this, for being here tonight. It was fun and you stayed.’

Riley licked her lips. ‘I stayed because it was fun.’ She stepped back and bit the inside of her lip. ‘I should go … or maybe go and make coffee or … something.’

Or something … like coming to bed with me, James thought. He knew he shouldn’t, but his body was tired of being denied, of listening to his super-cautious brain.

‘Or something. Could that something be a kiss?’

Riley’s eyes widened. ‘We really shouldn’t, James.’

He placed his hands on her hips and gently pulled her towards him. His heart soared when she practically fell into his arms in her eagerness to get closer to him. ‘So tired of shouldn’ts and couldn’ts and musn’ts,’ he murmured. ‘I think I should and could and must kiss you … everywhere. Tell me you want to do the same.’

‘I want you … I always want you …’

James nibbled her jaw and inhaled her perfume and immediately felt heady. ‘That’s a good start … keep going.’

Riley groaned and he sighed. ‘But I don’t think it’s a good idea, James.’

‘Don’t think, not tonight.’ Because tonight she was his and he intended to make very sure that she knew that, understood that.

He placed a hand on her heart and her nipple under his hand reacted immediately, instinctively. ‘Your heart is pounding and your skin is flushing. You do want me. Don’t deny yourself—don’t deny us. Don’t think. ‘

Her eyes drifted over his body, darkened, and he knew that she liked what she saw. Her puckering nipples were a pretty good giveaway as to how turned on she was as well. He stepped closer to her, his fingers dipping down and lifting the hem of her dress to her thighs so that he could slide his thigh between her legs, creating a little friction, a lot of heat. Passion clouded her eyes as her hands came to rest on his chest. He brushed his thumb against her lip, over the throbbing pulse point in her throat, across that pointed nipple.

‘Dammit, Jay. That feels so good.’

‘You feel so good. You are the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. I can feel your heat on my leg and I bet that if I put my hand between your legs, Ri, I’d feel that you’re wet.’

Riley let out a breathy whimper.

‘You are, aren’t you?’ he demanded.

‘Mmm.’

‘Look at me, honey.’

Heavy lids lifted and … those eyes—God, they killed him. Deep, dark, passionate. ‘Wet for me?’

‘Mmm.’

His erection jumped against the fabric of his black suit trousers. ‘Let’s go to my room, Riley. Let me love you.’

He thought he heard Riley say, ‘One last time,’ but then he heard nothing as all his blood headed south as Riley walked over to the bigger of the two couches, dropping her dress as she walked away. She clapped her hands and the overhead lights went off and the fairy lights on the Christmas tree provided the only light in the room. He just stood and looked at her as she stood in front of that tree, naked except the tiniest silver-grey thong. His eyes crossed and he wondered who was seducing whom. As long as he lived he’d never forget what she looked like, perfect skin bathed in the flashing lights of the decorated tree. Almost naked, waiting for him.

Not wanting to get left behind, he yanked his clothes off and went to stand in front of her. When he was close enough, he slipped his hand between her thighs, tested her and sighed at her wet, glorious warmth. Her fingers followed his, burrowing under his to capture her own moisture and then she took her fingers away to draw patterns on his thick, hard-as-steel erection which jumped in response.

‘No regrets in the morning, James?’

‘No regrets, ever, Ri,’ James answered before lowering her to the couch and making her his.

CHAPTER SIX

WHEN RILEY WOKE up the next morning she quickly realised that she was still naked and lying in James’s enormous bed. His empty bed. She patted the space next to her and moved her leg to make sure that he wasn’t lying there, out of her reach.

Dammit … how was she going to deal with this? She’d said that she’d never put herself in this position again and yet here she was, about to do the walk of shame again. Except that there was nothing shameful about sleeping with James, not this time. She had been completely sober, totally aware of what she was doing, aware of her actions, prepared to take the consequences.

She had wanted one last night with him, one last experience of loving him, touching him, tasting him. She’d taken every opportunity to do just that and the memories of last night would fuel her fantasies for a long time to come.

‘You’re going to set the sheets on fire because you’re thinking so hard.’

Riley whipped over, shoved the curtain of red hair out of her eyes and saw James sitting on the edge of the chair, his forearms on his knees, looking intently at her.

‘How long have you been watching me?’ she demanded.

‘A while.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I can.’ James sat back and placed his ankle on his knee. ‘We need to talk.’

Riley flopped back on her pillow and groaned loudly. ‘Oh God, here we go again. Let’s just pretend that we’ve had this conversation already. You only do one-night stands, don’t read anything into it, blah, blah, blah.’

‘I want you to stay in New York,’ James quietly stated.

Oh, really?

‘Why?’ Riley demanded.

James rubbed the back of his neck, a sure sign that he was uncomfortable. ‘Riley, you are fabulous at your job; I don’t want to lose you!’

Could he possibly have found a more pansy-assed excuse? Riley thought and sent a pillow sailing in his direction. He ducked and it flew past his head and bounced off the wall.

‘Try again,’ she said between gritted teeth.

‘I like being friends again.’

‘That’s a marginally better excuse but still crap,’ Riley stated, shaking her head. ‘Neither statement is good enough to get me to stay.’

‘Then what the hell do you want?’

‘I want morel’ Riley shouted. ‘Just give me a valid reason not to go!’

James cursed, stood up and paced the room. ‘I don’t know what you need to hear! We have phenomenal sex together; isn’t that enough? Obviously, by that scornful look on your face, it’s not! ‘

Well read, Sherlock.

James rubbed his hand across his forehead. ‘Okay, well, then, what about going back to what you asked me six months ago? If I have to, I’ll do the dating thing …’

‘You want to date me?’ Riley repeated, not sure if she’d heard him right. ‘If you have to?’

Oh, this was bad. This was so, so bad, Riley thought … and I’m naked. Her heart was being diced and spliced and she was naked.

‘Toss me a shirt, will you?’ Riley demanded, holding the sheet to her bare chest. She caught the T-shirt James threw and quickly pulled it over her head. When she was adequately covered, she pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.

‘I don’t want you to date me because you have to—I want you to want to be with me.’ Riley bit her bottom lip. ‘Why is us being together always so damn hard?’

James sent her a hard look. ‘It wasn’t once and you were the one who walked!’

‘And you’ve never forgiven me for it!’ Riley shouted. ‘I was nineteen, James, and so scared!’

‘Of what?’ he demanded.

‘I was so young and naive with it. You were sophisticated and educated—how long would it have taken for you to become bored of me? Six weeks; six months? I would’ve given up everything, all my dreams for you and been left with nothing!’

‘You never gave us—me—a chance!’

‘And you never gave me a chance to grow up, to change my mind. You never contacted me once when I was overseas, not by e-mail, social media, not a phone call—nothing! I thought that maybe when I came home—nine months later—we might have a second chance but, when I did, you had already moved on to Liz, moved in with Liz! So forgive me for doubting how much you wanted me, how much you’ve ever wanted me!’ Riley told him, her chest heaving. ‘God, James, I have loved you since I was eight years old … Why don’t you just kick me in the teeth while you’re at it?’

‘You don’t love me …’

‘Aaargh!’ Riley shouted at full volume. ‘James! Really?’

‘You walked away from me. You walked away, Ri.’

Okay, she’d explain it one last time. ‘I was young and scared and I wasn’t ready. And you ran from me to that witch and that hurt me. I loved you enough to be happy that you were happy and then you dumped Liz and then you dumped every single woman you dated after her. And boy, there were a lot, James. All gorgeous, all tall, all stacked, all from your snobby social circle. And you never, not once, seriously looked at me again.’

James frowned, utterly confused. ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’

‘If they couldn’t hold your attention then I didn’t stand a chance, being short and a redhead and from a middle-class background.’

‘That is such a load of crap! I dated those women because I could never fall in love with them. Because they weren’t you! Because there’s only been one woman for me since I was twenty-four and you are it!’

‘Yet all you want to do is date me,’ Riley said quietly.

James sat on the side of the bed, his thigh next to her knee. He looked at his hands and Riley watched the emotions play across his face. Confusion, sadness, a lot of despair. ‘I don’t understand love, Riley. I can’t get a handle on it and it has too much power over me to play around with it. I was falling in love with you and you left. I came to love Liz and she lied and cheated on me, stole over a hundred thousand dollars from me,’ James stated in a flat voice. ‘And, when I found out, I broke it off and she decided to sell the whole sordid story to the press. It was such an ugly letdown, such a public failure. And she didn’t have half the power over me that you do.’

Riley hauled in a deep breath, sadness sucking her lungs against her ribcage because she knew that they were finally over. She couldn’t fight this—it was too big. ‘I always thought that we couldn’t be together because it was the wrong time, but it’s not. It’s because you’re too scared to take a chance. And I understand that—I do. I did the same thing. But I was young and naive and I’ve regretted it every day since. You want to know why I’m going? I’m leaving because I was lonely and because I wanted a new start, because I couldn’t live in the city knowing that you were in it but not in my life. Now I have to leave because I am so in love with you, but you aren’t prepared to risk your heart on me.’

‘Can’t we just take it slow, see where this goes?’ James begged.

‘That’s not going to happen. Essentially, you wanting to “date” me is a flowery way of you saying that you want to keep sleeping with me without risking your heart. Well, stuff that—my heart has always been on the line and if you want me then it’s time you put yours on there too!’ Riley told him, eyes flashing.

His head jerked back as if her words slapped him in the face. ‘You want me? Well, I’m not going to make this easy for you!’ Riley twisted her lips. ‘You, the big badass diamond CEO, scared of love, scared of what you don’t understand! Just happy to have a fling with the one woman who has always understood you just because you’re petrified of feeling anything, of life and of living … of loving me! Of failing at love! ‘