In The East

" I think so too and you too have been condemned by the king because you thought it was fair to say certain things ...”

" Exactly " the king went along, keeping a straight face despite the desire to smile at the solemn tone of the child " So?”

" Why, father, can't my mother and I leave the castle? Perhaps we are prisoners too for offending you?”

The king turned his face so that his son could not see his sudden blush. He wasn't angry about his question, but when he was taken by surprise. He didn't know what to say to him, being put on the spot like that.

He tried to compose himself quickly so would not think that he was angry or offended by his words.

"You are not prisoners," he replied, trying to gain some time.

" But we're not even free.”

" What does that mean? If you asked me to come to the city, for example, I would say yes.”

" It is not the same thing. I wanted to say that if my mother and I wanted to go to the sea alone we could not and if the queen wanted to come all the way here to see the river and the mountains up close you would forbid it. Why, father? Maybe we did things that upset you and now you punish us like that?”

The king was seized with panic, as if he were standing in front of an enemy army. How could he talk to a child of betrayal and wounded honor, of pride and jealousy? Where would he find the words to reassure him that his love for him and his mother was not in question?

" Do you trust me? ". he asked.

" Yes, father.”

" Then listen to me well: your mother is a good and beautiful queen and I love her. I married her for these reasons, and I haven't changed my mind. She never did anything wrong, nor did she offend me, just as you never upset your king and father. You are still too young to understand the real reason why you and she cannot leave the castle without my consent, but I swear to you on my honor as king that you are not prisoners. It is not the same thing as my imprisonment here. You have to believe me.”

"Yes, father. How could I doubt your words? I know a king never tells lies.”

The king felt something twisting wildly inside his chest, like a snake squashed by his boots.

" And then " the child continued " my mother always taught me that you are good and fair and that I should not take too much notice if you sometimes get angry, because you immediately forget ...”

" Ah! Is that what she says? I'll have to scold her then, when we get back because she should teach you to fear me and respect me.”

" Please, father "the scared child tried to remedy the situation " I did not explain myself well. She always tells me that I must be obedient and not discuss your orders, nor those of the councilors and the teacher; but also that I must love you, because you are a good king and a good father ... oh, I don't know how to say, but here ... you must not reproach her.”

" No, you're right, I'd be unfair if I did.”

" And then my mother is really good and kind, you know, and if you were mean to her, I would defend her even at the cost of offending you.”

" My child, you have guts! “ the king teased, but with affection. "In short, would you even feel like challenging me to a duel and risk being locked up in this lonely tower?”

" Yes.”

"Wouldn't you be afraid, little paladin?"

" Maybe. And were you afraid when you were imprisoned in here?”

The king stopped smiling but did not want to elude his question.

" A little, but I wasn't alone and that helped me a lot. Had I been alone, maybe I would have gone mad with anger and hatred. I would have tried to run away, and the guards would have killed me because they were ordered to shoot me if I even attempted to stick out too much from the window. Or I would have slammed my head against the wall to smash it in the days when I was overcome by the darkest sadness and loneliness. It is terrible to be locked in here and feel life passing by without you being able to grasp it. You can't run and ride in the woods and go hunting or attend court parties, you can no longer see the sea and dive into its cold waters or meet friends when and how you want ... And then you think nobody remembers you anymore, because now you are no longer the powerful prince sought and loved by all, but a dirty and hungry prisoner, in complete disgrace. Sometimes I hated everyone, while at time I just hated myself and my inability to even try something crazy to stop that useless rat life. But there was my friend with me, and everything was more bearable with him at my side ...”

" I understand. I, too, sometimes want to escape from the gate and go behind the wagons that pass on the road and maybe go as far as the sea and see if its color is really blue as the master says, or if it is colored like the sky at sunset. Then I think I'd also like to follow the deer when they come back to the woods after eating my hay in the morning and never come back.”

" Why do not you do that? asked his father, still feeling that snakelike twist in his chest.

" I can't leave my mother alone. What would she do? And maybe you would send the guards to find me and, later, you would have me whipped.”

" That's for sure.”

" You see? My mother would die of pain and I would have no peace for eternity.”

" Seriously?”

" Antonia says that if we are responsible for someone's death, hell is waiting for us and then our souls will wander forever like ghosts doomed to never rest.""

" Yes, I understand. Better to resign then.”

"In fact," the prince nodded seriously." I merely look through the bars of the gate and dream, or I climb to the top of the towers and try to see the sea above. I thought I saw it once, but the master believes I have too much imagination.”

" And your mother?”

" I cannot tell you.”

" Why not?”

" I don't want her running the risk of being scolded by you.”

" I swear I won't.”

" Very well, then: she thinks the master is like a nocturnal bird who knows nothing about real life, the sun, and colors; he believes that there is no light stronger than that of the moon because he has never seen the sunshine. Once he suggested me not to pay attention to him and to do my own thing, listening to my dreams.”

" I thought so. Trying to make you rebel! " the king exclaimed in a fake threatening tone.

"Father, you swore," the prince reminded him anxiously.

"…. And a king keeps his word, right?”

The prince nodded energetically.

"I'll take you to see the sea one of these days," the king promised unexpectedly.

The child jumped happily around his neck and his father held him against him for a while to feel that little heart beating against his and letting himself be pervaded, infected perhaps by that naive faith and that immeasurable love that lived in the child permanently and, certainly, happily.

No one, he told himself, could feel less than blessed to live with him.

The planned journey to the sea did not take place, in fact, until many months later because the day after the sovereign left for the city, called urgently by his advisers.

When the king left the castle, the sun had just risen, and the prince was just waking up in the big bed that he had shared with his father that night. They had been awake for a long time talking again about the stars that could be seen from the windows of the royal chambers and playing chess; the king had not even once mentioned the fact that the next day he would leave him alone for who knows how long because delicate and important business required his personal presence in the city. Once, even just a few weeks prior, he would have felt only a slight annoyance in having to abandon his favorite residence and resting in the countryside earlier than expected. Now he felt an acute annoyance, much like the pain of an emotionally important loss. He did not know what to say to the prince and continued to postpone the explanation minute by minute, until his son fell asleep, very tired, reclining his head on his shoulder and it was then no longer possible for the king to offer any explanation.

In the morning he quickly wrote a note for the child, leaving it in full view on the long chest at the foot of the bed, and got out before he woke up and asked him where he was going at that early morning hour. He was afraid he would start crying and above all he feared he would no longer be able to leave him. He would have dragged him along with him, perhaps by force, if he didn’t have to keep his word to the queen.

The prince woke up and instinctively looked for his father as he usually did since he had let him into his rooms and had made him lie down next to him, not to miss even a minute of his company.

He saw the empty bed and stood up abruptly: something told him that this was not normal. He rushed to the window and saw his father approaching the carriage that would take him back to the city.

" Father " he screamed leaning out of the window.

The king heard him and raised his head towards him, waving to him with his hand.

" Where are you going?”

" To the city.”

" Will you be back soon?”

" You can count on it. Unless you want to accept my invitation to come to court.”

The prince shook his head: he would have liked it, but not without his mother and the king had never mentioned the possibility that she, too, could leave the castle. He always said: if you come with me to the city" or" I'll take you to the sea" " you could come with me ...

" No, father. I will wait for you here and I will continue to look at the road that leads to the city from behind the bars of the gate.”

" All right. I hope to be back here very soon. Don't forget to read our books and teach your mother to play chess and keep up your practice.”

The king would have gladly continued to talk to the child, but he knew that if he did, he would never leave. Then he hastily waved good-bye and got into the carriage.

After a few minutes, the cloud of dust the coach had raised when it passed had already disappeared from the road.

The prince walked back to the bed and saw the note his father had left him. He opened it a little surprised and read it with impatience.

" My father " he confided to the queen later, showing her the note " says he is so sorry to leave us, but he will be back soon and then he will keep his promise to take me to see the sea. I must continue to study the stars and books that he left me, and above all to teach you the game of chess so that I can train and prepare properly to face him when he returns. And he also says that I can move into his apartment.”

" I don’t believe it.”

" Yes, mother, look. This is his message.”

The queen read it with a brief incredulous smile.

" Very well. I will order your clothes and games to be transferred to the king's apartment and Antonia will sleep in the yellow room for the moment. But you and I will be a little farther ... “

" Not much, mother, only a few dozen more meters.”

" If this is what the king and my prince want ...”

" Thank you, mother. Do you know what I'm going to do? Sometimes I will invite you to my rooms in the evening and we will read and play together.”

" Really? Careful: you are only a guest there. I myself have gone in the room very few times.”

"But the king gave me permission, didn't he? And he didn't say that on his return I will have to go back to my room, so it's not like I'm a temporary guest.”

" Can’t argue with your reasoning " the queen laughed.

" But now " the teacher who was entering the hall intervened at that moment upon hearing the last words spoken by the queen " I think it's really time to resume your studies. The king wanted to joke and play with the prince, but now that he's back in the city, I think it's right to start living again according to the usual way.”

The prince looked at him grimly without replying; it was not up to him to reply and he waited anxiously for his mother’s answer.

" I don't think the king just wanted to joke while he was here, he never takes things lightly, much less, I imagine, if it's his son he is dealing with. But I also believe that what you say is right, preceptor, and I agree with you that it is better, despite everything, for the prince to resume his studies and his usual life.”

" Mother! The king recommended to continue ... " protested the boy.

" I know, but you can do it during your free time from studying. After all, the winter season is not far away, and you will be home more. You will have time to keep the promises made to the king.”

" My father assured me that he will be back soon," the prince again tried.

" Maybe he will; but state affairs are never so brief, and probably several months will pass before he is here again.”

" I don't believe it," the child murmured, his voice almost trembling with disappointment and spite.

The queen stroked his hair and kissed him on the forehead: " I would like for him to come back soon, but I learned to be realistic and to wait patiently. Now, if you love me, you will listen to your good teacher and learn the useful things he wants to teach you. I will wait to be instructed by you in the game of chess as soon as you have some time to dedicate to me and in the evening, I will come to see you. Do you agree?”

" As you want.”

" Shall we go then, your highness? " urged the master with a certain impatience,barely disguised by his flattering voice tone.

" I'm ready. Good-bye, mother.”

" See you later. And remember that later, immediately after lunch, you will have to help Antonia to tidy up your things in the new room.”

" Can I ask which room? " asked the teacher.

"The little room in the king's apartment," answered the queen.

The teacher raised his eyebrows, disapproving, but did not dare to criticize openly.

For the moment at least.

He intended to take up the subject again later and hoped to be able to make her understand his belief: he did not think it was a good thing for the child to believe the king had shown him interest and affection; it wouldn't last, everyone knew that the sovereign was fickle and inclined to anger. Before that he had never even bothered to look at his son and all that sweetness and submissiveness shown in the past few days would most likely not continue. He was sure of it and would convince the queen. And then the prince was now grown up and had to be kept in check; he had to lead a severe, orderly life, without giving too much weight to his whims and to his natural, bizarre inclinations. All that freedom to come and go from and to the castle and the park, those stories about wild animals to look after and dreams and stars and ... all the rest. The king had enjoyed his son as if it were an unusual pastime, but it had not been an educational experience, and something had to be done to remedy the situation. He believed he was the right person to do just that and, after all, the king himself had explicitly recognized this fact.

He would have induced the prince to limit games and forays and to commit himself with more order and stability to study matters more useful to his rank.

And indeed, the prince, from then onward, had not much time to look out the bars of the gate at the road that led to the city and to observe the night sky from the windows. His day was filled to the minute by the hours that the master had set up for him and the queen had only partially succeeded in mitigating to give her and her son the possibility of enjoying each other's company for a few hours.

Early in the morning the child was still able to find his way into the park, but he had to return almost immediately for the first lessons, and he could no longer jump over the hedges and discover the secrets of the garden.

The tutor always waited for him with his severe demeanor on the study door and reproached him pedantically whenever he was even a few minutes late.

“ If your Highness does not respect what we agreed on, I will have to insist with the queen to take away your permission to visit the park in the morning ” he repeated obsessively.

The boy knew that his mother would defend him, but he feared that in the end the master would appeal to the king and, on that front, he was no longer so sure.

He had trusted his father and believed him when he had made promises, but apparently the master had been right in saying that the king had just wanted to amuse himself and his mother stating he should not believe the king would return soon.

And, although in fact they were not exactly the same, the prince always combined the two concepts, arriving at the desolate conclusion that he was not at all important to his father and that he would therefore not see him again for a long time. Meanwhile, he had to obey the preceptor, because his mother wanted him to, and bow his head to his every-day more despotic and senseless pretensions, at least in his opinion.

When the king, after a couple of months, finally wrote to reassure the queen, who had complained about the excessive severity of the master, and to point out that he would have supervised personally and checked, on his return, that his excessive involvement was not an issue, the Prince felt extremely disappointed that the sovereign made no mention of a set return date and even more because he rarely heard from him, except for the usual generic recommendations that every parent has for one’s children.

Did the king no longer think of him? Had he abandoned him?

He thought about this for whole nights and during distracting gloomy days, which gave him insomnia and made him incredibly careless in his tasks, which caused him to be punished. But he no longer seemed to notice the humiliations inflicted on him or the severe threats of the tutor. His mother herself could not get anything out of him.

Sometimes in the morning he stood in the deer grove, motionless, for a very long time, even after his friends had left, staring at the fallen fence as if trying to understand what message was hidden for him. But he could not make sense of the thoughts that crowded his mind, garbled, and confused, and ended up getting lost behind timeless shadows without logic.

One day he even forgot to come back for classes. They looked for him everywhere, but nobody could see him, crouched as he was behind a bush of laurel, deaf and blind.

His mother became alarmed and left the park in person to track him down. When, finally, he emerged from his hiding place, as if from a dream, unaware of the time and of the commotion caused, the master was beside himself with anger and the queen herself, already quite worried, was beginning to question if the king and the preceptor were right to ask her to be firmer with the prince. Was it possible that he did not understand that his whims did not make it easier for her to help him?

The result was that she agreed to an exemplary punishment and forbade the prince, to the master's immense satisfaction, to go out in the park from then on, until he would show greater commitment and sense of responsibility.

The prince wept and begged his mother in vain: he got absolutely nothing in return. And that was really the first time.

In the evening, opening himself up to Antonia, the child tried to explain his reasons to the nurse, but obviously even he could not fully understand what had prompted him act that way. The nurse rocked him in her arms, calming his sorrowful sobs and promised to talk to the queen.

But when she whispered: "But, my darling, you should also be more obedient with your mother and the teacher," he shouted: "Everyone here is betraying me!"

And those had been his real feelings for months, feelings he had never dared to confess even to himself.

”Who betrayed you? “ asked the governess.

” My father first, today my mother and now ... now you too.”

"No, Your Highness, not me," she said firmly.

“ Yes, you too. I am obedient, I do what I can to please everyone and nobody, no one believes me.”

“ I believe you.”

“ It's not true.”

“ I believe you “ repeated Antonia “ I know you're right, but why did you behave like that with your mother today?”

“ I didn't hear you, I told you. I swear. I didn't notice anything. Maybe I was asleep. I haven't been sleeping for many nights now.”

"Why, Your Highness? This is not good."

“ I was hoping the king would come back soon; he had promised me, and I believed him, but they were just lies. Everyone tells me lies and nobody loves me.”

“ Your mother loves you.”

“ No. Why doesn’t she send away that master who hates me?”

“ What are you saying? These are big accusations.”

“ But it's true. You don't see the look in his eyes when he looks at me and how happy he is if he can humiliate me in front of everyone, including my mother. And if I rebel, he tells my mother that I am irreverent and rude to him. And she believes him!”

His words ended in a scream broken by pain and burning indignation. Antonia was unable to answer him, but he did not need an answer (his day was filled with questions and answers) and Antonia's affection, even if it was not enough, was still excellent medicine.

Spring returned and the prince, who had not yet regained permission to run around the park before his lessons in the morning, suddenly realized that he did not care anymore that year to find the first flowery violets and to go and tell his mother triumphantly. And although he was still too young to be frightened by this unnatural disinterest, he instinctively felt that he didn't like it.

It was then that he decided to run away from the castle.

What about his mother? He was sorry to leave her, but for months now he had no longer spoken to her with the sincerity of the past.

And his father? He wouldn't even notice.

The only ones who would really feel bad would have been Antonia and the old gardener, but, after all, they too would soon get over it and would not miss him that much.

One morning he awoke before dawn as the sky was just beginning to turn its black cloak to a pearly grey, which in the east faded to a very light yellow; he cautiously went by the bed of the housekeeper who slept soundly after having long watched over him the night before; he opened the door quietly and hurried down the stairs. He was barefoot not to be heard by the early morning servants and he held in his hand, besides the shoes, only a blanket and the travel book his father had read to him many times at the time of their friendship.

He entered the stables. No one was there yet. Fortunately, the animals did not neigh when he arrived. He untied his horse, a young chestnut with a gentle face and a quick gait, he got it ready, arranged two travel bags on the sides of the saddle, filling them with provisions, which he had stolen from the pantry the night before and hidden under the hay. Touching it with his forefinger in front of its mouth to tell it to be silent and not to betray him, he led it outside. The alleys of the park were empty, no one around, but he had to hurry if he wanted to have some distance over his potential followers.

As soon as morning came, Antonia would open the windows of his room to call him to his daily duties and give him time to calmly prepare for the first lessons. She would immediately notice his absence, and, in her simple mindedness, she likely would not wait to sound the alarm to help him out. She would likely scream, waking everyone up.

The prince smiled at the thought, but he could not scorn the nurse for this. With her, he was always very indulgent, because he loved her deeply.

He entered the woods through the fallen fence and jumped into the saddle. He walked quickly along the path that ran behind the castle and arrived on the road that led to the passes in less than half an hour. He slowed down his horse a little and began to look to the eastern horizon. The pale yellow was getting warmer and there were some touches of bright pink near the cradle of the sun. In a few minutes, perhaps ten, fifteen at the most, the sun would appear from behind the pass between the two highest peaks, illuminating the tips of the great towers of the palace and waking Antonia, the servants, and then, increasingly dangerous for him, the butler, his mother, and his teacher.