The Nurse's Christmas Gift

No. Looking back now, those attempts seemed so futile. Desperate attempts by a desperate woman. Max’s childhood had been pretty awful, and she’d wanted to show him how it should be. How wonderful hers had been. And since he had no blood relatives left alive, she’d wanted to give him that physical connection—for the roots she’d had with her own extended family to take hold and spread. Only none of it had worked.

If her sister hadn’t had a devastating experience when trying to adopt a baby, Annabelle might have gone that route after her first miscarriage. But if the grief she’d felt after losing a baby she’d never met was horrific, how much worse had it been for her sister, who’d held a baby in her arms for months only to have to hand him back over to the courts weeks before the adoption was finalised? The whole family had been shattered. And so Annabelle had continued on her quest to have a biological child, only to fail time and time again.

She popped open the lid to her fruit, realising it was the only truly healthy thing on her plate. She’d just wanted to get out of that canteen line at any cost.

Her mouth twisted sideways. It looked as if the final cost would be paid by her waistline and hips. She shoved a huge blueberry into her mouth and bit down hard just as Max and Sienna joined her. Juice spurted over her teeth and drummed at the backs of her lips, seeking the nearest available exit.

Perfect. She covered her mouth with her napkin as she continued to fight with the food, finally swallowing it down with a couple of coughs afterwards.

Max frowned as he sat. ‘Okay?’

‘Yes.’ Another cough, louder this time, a few people at neighbouring tables glancing her way. Probably wondering who they were going to have to do the Heimlich on this time. She swallowed again, clearing her throat. ‘Just went down the wrong pipe.’

Sienna, who arrived with only some kind of green bottled concoction that made Annabelle horrified at what her own plate contained, twisted the lid to her liquid lunch and sat down. She nodded at the selection. ‘I’m finding smaller portions are easier to handle when I’m working. I’ll eat a proper meal when I go off duty.’

Forcing herself to cut a chunk of melon into more manageable pieces, she wished she could be just as disciplined as the surgeon. Well, today was not a good day to stand in judgement of herself. Was it any wonder she was seeking out comfort food? Her husband had just landed back in her life.

She couldn’t even pretend to have a boyfriend, because if there’d been anyone serious she obviously would have wanted to pressure Max into signing the divorce papers. But she hadn’t.

Ugh! She chewed quickly and then swallowed, thankful that at least this time she wasn’t choking.

A phone chirped and all three of them looked down at their devices, making her smile. Her screen was blank, so it wasn’t Ella, who she hadn’t heard from all day, which was unusual. Maybe she hadn’t heard that Max was back.

Or maybe she had.

Sienna frowned, setting her drink down on the table so quickly the contents sloshed, almost coming over the rim of the bottle. She stared at her phone for several seconds, not touching the screen. Either it was very good news...or very...

The other doctor stood up, her tongue flicking out to moisten her lips. ‘I’m sorry, I have to go.’ She glanced at Max. ‘Can you carry on without me?’

‘Of course. Is everything all right?’

‘It will be.’ Her hand went to her midsection. And rather than responding to whoever had sent a message, she dropped her phone into the pocket of her scrubs and picked up her drink, screwing the cap back on. ‘Page me if you have any questions or need help.’

‘I think I’m good.’ Max sent Annabelle a wry glance. ‘I’m sure Anna can answer any questions about Hope or the hospital I might have.’

Or about why he hadn’t severed those final ties that bound them together?

Somehow, though, she doubted he was any more eager to revisit their past than she was. But still, the last thing she wanted today was to play hospital adviser to a man who still made her knees quake. She had no idea why that was so. She was over him. Had been for the last couple of years. In fact, she hadn’t thought of him in...

Well, the last fifteen seconds, but that didn’t count, since he was sitting right across from her. Before today, she’d gone weeks at a time without him crossing her mind.

But since Sienna was glancing her way as if needing reassurance that it was indeed okay to leave them alone without a referee, Annabelle nodded. ‘Go. It’ll be fine.’

Looking a little doubtful, but evidently not enough to want to stick around, the cardiothoracic surgeon gave a quick wave and headed towards the entrance of the canteen. Annabelle noticed she slid her phone out of her pocket and stared at the screen again as she rounded the corner.

She wondered what that was all about. But it was really none of her business.

But Baby Hope was, and since that was why Sienna had wanted to sit with her...

‘Is there some news about the baby?’ Maybe that was what the message was about. Could it be that...? ‘Could a heart have become available?’

Hope sparked in her chest, flaring to life with a jolt that had her leaning forward and sent her plastic fork dropping back onto her tray.

Max must have seen something in her face because he shook his head. ‘No. Not yet. I think she would have told us if that message had anything to do with a donor heart.’

She sagged back into her chair. ‘I was hoping...’

‘I know. Why don’t we work on things we can control until one is available? Tell me anything else you can think of about her. The events surrounding her birth, et cetera.’

‘Are you looking for something in particular?’ She’d told him pretty much everything she knew back in the special care baby unit.

Max pulled a small notebook out of one of the pockets of his jacket. ‘I can look at her chart and get the mechanics. But tell me about her. Anything out of the ordinary that you’ve noticed that you think might help.’

She picked up her fork and pushed around a few more blueberries, not trying to really stab any of them but using the empty gesture as a way to sort through her thoughts about Hope.

‘She’s a fighter. She came into this world crying as hard as her tiny lungs would let her.’ She sucked down a quick breath. ‘Her mother didn’t even touch her. Hope was very sick and might not have survived the night, but she never asked to hold her or tried to keep us from taking her away. Maybe she already knew she was going to leave her behind and was afraid to let herself get attached.’

‘You were there when she was born.’

‘Yes. When the mum came in—already in labour—the doctor examined her. He didn’t like the way the baby’s heartbeat sounded so they did an ultrasound. They immediately saw there was a problem, so they called Sienna down.’ Annabelle gripped her fork tighter. ‘She knew as soon as she looked at the monitor that it was serious. So when she delivered there was a roomful of staff, just in case Hope coded on the table. They did a Caesarean section, trying to save the baby any undue stress during delivery.’

‘It worked. She’s still alive.’

‘Yes. But she’s all alone. Her mum has never even called to check on her. Not once.’

‘And say what?’ Max’s jaw tightened. ‘Maybe she didn’t want to have to deal with the fallout of what might happen if it all went wrong.’

‘It was her child. How could she not want to be there for her?’

‘She could have felt the baby was better off without her.’

Something about the tight way he said those words made her wonder if Max was still talking about Baby Hope and her mum, or something a little closer to home.

Had he felt she was better off without him?

Rubbish. It hadn’t been his idea to leave. It had been hers. If he’d truly loved her, he would have fought for her.

But Max had always had a hard time forming attachments, thanks to parents who did their utmost to avoid any show of affection. And those long trips they’d taken without him—leaving Max to wonder if they were ever coming back. If they missed him at all. Annabelle had cried when he’d told her in halting words the way things had been in his home. Her own family’s open affection and need to be with each other had seemed to fascinate him.

Maybe he really could understand how a mum could abandon her own child. In many ways, Max had felt abandoned. Maybe even by her, when she’d told him to leave.

She should have just given up when he’d given her that last ultimatum. But she hadn’t—she’d wanted Max to have what his parents had denied him. And when he’d found her journal... God, he’d been so furious that night. To forestall any more arguments, she’d told him to get out. The memories created a sour taste in her mouth.

‘I guess I’ll never know what her true motivation was for leaving. If I had, maybe I could have changed her mind, or at least talked her into coming back to check on Hope.’

‘She probably wouldn’t have. Come back, that is. Maybe she felt that once she walked out, there was no going back.’

This time when his eyes came up to meet hers there was no denying that he was talking about something other than their patient.

Unable to come up with anything that wouldn’t inflame the situation further, she settled for a shrug. ‘Maybe not. I guess people just have to learn to live with the consequences of their choices.’

As Annabelle had had to do.

And with that statement, she made the choice to stab her fork into the slab of chocolate cake on her plate and did her best to steer the conversation back to neutral territory. Where there was no chance of loaded statements or examining past regrets too closely.

But even as they spoke of the hospital and its patients and advances in treatment, she was very aware that nothing could ever be completely neutral as far as Max went.

So she would try to do as she’d stated and make the very best choices she could while he was here. And then learn to live with the consequences.

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