The Nanny's Secret Baby

“I’m sorry Suzy got a little paint on her shirt,” she said to Mrs. Li as Suzy tugged her mom’s hand, pulling her over to look at the picture she’d painted, now drying on a clothesline with the rest of the primary kids’ paintings.

“I’m just thrilled she made it through the whole class,” Mrs. Li said in between hugging Suzy and admiring her picture. “It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten to stay for a whole church service. What a big girl you were, Suzy!”

“I missed you, Mommy.” Suzy wrapped her arms around her mother. “But Miss Arianna said I was brave.”

Mrs. Li smiled at Arianna. Thank you, she mouthed.

Arianna was glad she’d helped, but she felt a pang; she couldn’t deny it. It was fun and rewarding to get her kid fix through helping with Sunday school, but in the end, those precious little ones wanted their own mommies. In the end, Arianna went home alone.

Fortunately, there was no time to dwell on what she didn’t have. Sunny and Skye, the pastor’s twins, needed their hands washed before heading out with their mom, who introduced herself as Lily. “Don’t worry about it,” Lily said as Arianna tried to scrub off the paint that had inexplicably splattered both twins’ arms. “As long as they’re happy, it’s fine.”

“That’s what I said.” Kayla, the main teacher of the primary-age kids and the mother of one of them, Leo, came over, and she and Lily hugged. “Kids are supposed to get messy and have fun.”

Yeah, they were right about kids, Arianna thought, but what about her? When was she going to grow up and stop getting messy? She wet a paper towel and used it to wipe the biggest smudge from her cheek. The green streak in her hair was probably there to stay, at least until she could get back to her temporary home and shower.

“Hey, Dr. D,” Kayla said and went to the door to greet Jack, who was leaning in with Sammy parked on his hip. Arianna sucked in a breath. He was good-looking to begin with, but when he smiled, he was breathtaking.

Finn Gallagher, Kayla’s husband, showed up and sidled past Jack into the classroom. He reached out to Kayla and gently rubbed her shoulders, his eyes crinkling. She smiled up at him, love and happiness written all over her face.

Arianna’s chest tugged. What would it be like to have someone touch you as if you were infinitely precious? Someone with whom to share your deepest thoughts, your hopes and dreams, your secrets?

But she couldn’t tell anyone her deepest secrets, not and have them look at her the way Finn looked at Kayla. An out-of-wedlock pregnancy wasn’t that uncommon, and there were plenty of people who took it in stride, raised the child and got on with their lives. Arianna wished she was that person, but she wasn’t. Not given her family and the way she was raised.

As a result, she’d given away her child...and lied about it.

Jack was still standing at the half door. “Are you coming to the church lunch?” he asked her abruptly.

She hesitated. The church had a lunch after services every Sunday, for members and anyone in the community who needed a free meal or fellowship. She should go, since she was trying to make some kind of a life here. “Um, I guess.”

“Good. I’ll see you there.” And he was off.

What did that mean? That he wanted to see her, have lunch with her, hang out, accept her offer of helping with Sammy? Or that he wanted to let her down easy?

She blew out a sigh as she wiped down the tables where the kids had been painting. Thanks to an abundance of newspapers, cleanup wasn’t that difficult, but she found herself lingering, carefully putting things away in a most uncharacteristic way.

She knew why she was stalling: she didn’t want to go to the lunch and face Jack. Not after she’d made such a ridiculous offer.

Why had she suggested—again—that she could serve as Sammy’s nanny when Jack clearly didn’t want her to? Had she turned into one of those desperate women who couldn’t take no for an answer?

Jack was kind and he would be nice about it, but rejection was rejection. She wasn’t looking forward to it.

But, oh, for the chance to take care of her son, even briefly! To get to know him, to help him, to watch him grow.

No, said the stern voice in her head. She didn’t deserve it, and it wasn’t for her.

She was tempted to just skip the lunch and go home, avoiding Jack altogether, except she didn’t have a home, not really. Aunt Justine and Uncle Steve had been kind to take her in, and hospitable, but trying to make space for another person in their crowded home was putting a strain on their relationship. She could see it. The more hours she could stay away the better.

Which pointed to her other problem: she needed to make new living arrangements. It was just that she didn’t know whether to make them here or somewhere else.

Meanwhile, she’d get her aunt and uncle take-out meals from the church lunch, she decided. It was so hard to cook anything in their kitchen, piled high with appliance boxes and recycling and newspapers. It wasn’t much, but a good meal from the church would be a small token of her gratitude to them.

Penny caught up with her and walked alongside. “You doing okay? You look a little blue.”

She couldn’t tell Penny the big reason, of course. “Just thinking about my living situation,” she said as they walked into the fellowship hall, where the meal was already being served. “I’m wearing out my welcome at my aunt and uncle’s place, but I’m on a tight budget until I find more work.”

“Hmm, that’s tough.” And then Penny snapped her fingers and stared at her. “You know what? The pastor was right. With God all things are possible.”

“Oh, I know that’s true—”

Penny interrupted her. “No, seriously. I just got a brainstorm.”

“What’s that?”

“I’ve got a mother-in-law apartment upstairs at my house on the ranch, and I’ve been meaning to clean it out and fix it up forever. You’re energetic and artsy. How would you like to stay there for the next few weeks? Rent-free, if you’ll clean it and fix it up nice, so I can rent it out at the end of the summer.”

Arianna’s jaw dropped. “That would be so perfect!”

And then the other ramifications of Penny’s offer rushed into her mind.

She could live so close to Sammy. Across the lawn, basically.

But how would Jack feel about that? Would she appear to be stalking him?

Penny was studying her face and no doubt saw her mixed feelings. “You think about it,” she said. “There’s no need to decide today.”

“Thank you.” Arianna gripped Penny’s hand, her eyes filling with tears. “That’s such a kind, kind offer. I just...have to figure a few things out, but I’m incredibly grateful to you for suggesting it.”

“I’d be getting as much out of it as you are,” Penny said. “Now, you’d better go grab a bite to eat while they’re still serving.”

Arianna did just that, accepting a generous portion of enchiladas, rice and beans. She sat down next to an older woman who introduced herself as Florence, and they chatted a little while Arianna ate.

The fellowship hall was just a big tile-floored room with a stage at one end and a kitchen at the other. Long tables covered with cheerful red-checked tablecloths and lined by metal folding chairs filled one half of the room. Only about half the seats were full now; Arianna had lingered in the kids’ room long enough that people were finishing up and heading home.

All of a sudden, Florence’s eyes sharpened. “Would you look at that,” she said, nodding toward a woman who was settling her two children at the other end of the table. “Pregnant with kid number three and not a husband in sight.”

Arianna registered the disapproval and was aware that she would have faced the same if she’d kept Sammy. But she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the woman, smiling and tickling her toddler while a slightly older child clung to her leg.

It would have been so wonderful to keep Sammy. And while she knew there had been many blessings in his adoption placement—not least his responsible, loving father, who was seated with Sammy at the far end of the room, where it was quieter—she couldn’t help but wish she’d found a way to keep her baby, to raise him herself.

Then she wouldn’t be caught in this web of lies, trying to decide whether it would be possible to live next door to her son without revealing her true relationship to him.

She barely realized she was staring dreamily into space until Florence waved a hand in front of her face. “I think Dr. Jack is trying to get your attention,” she said, her eyes alight with curiosity. “You’d better go talk to him.”

Arianna snapped to awareness, looked in Jack’s direction and saw that he was indeed beckoning to her.

Quickly, she finished her last bites of rice and beans. “It was nice talking to you,” she said to her extremely observant neighbor. She took both their dishes to the washing area and then headed over to Jack, mixed gladness and dread in her heart.

Any day she could see Sammy was a good day. But she was pretty sure Jack was about to turn down her nanny offer. And then she’d have to tell Penny she couldn’t take the apartment, and leave.

The thought of being away from her son after spending precious time with him made her chest ache, and she blinked away unexpected tears as she approached Jack and Sammy.

Sammy didn’t look up at her. He was holding up one finger near his own face, moving it back and forth.

Jack caught his hand. “Say hi, Sammy! Here’s Aunt Arianna.”

Sammy tugged his hands away and continued to move his finger in front of his face.

“Sammy, come on.”

Sammy turned slightly away from his father and refocused on his fingers.

“It’s okay,” Arianna said, because she could see the beginnings of a meltdown. “He doesn’t need to greet me. What’s up?”

“Look,” he said, “I’ve been thinking about what you said.” He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable.

Sammy’s hands moved faster, and he started humming a wordless tune. It was almost as if he could sense the tension between Arianna and Jack.

“It’s okay, Jack,” she said. “I get it. My being your nanny was a crazy idea.” Crazy, but oh, so appealing. She ached to pick Sammy up and hold him, to know that she could spend more time with him, help him learn, get him support for his special needs.

But it wasn’t her right.

“Actually,” he said, “that’s what I wanted to talk about. It does seem sort of crazy, but...I think I’d like to offer you the job.”

She stared at him, her eyes filling. “Oh, Jack,” she said, her voice coming out in a whisper. Had he really just said she could have the job?

Behind her, the rumble and snap of tables being folded and chairs being stacked, the cheerful conversation of parishioners and community people, faded to an indistinguishable murmur.

She was going to be able to be with her son. Every day. She reached out and stroked Sammy’s soft hair, and even though he ignored her touch, her heart nearly melted with the joy of being close to him.

Jack’s brow wrinkled. “On a trial basis,” he said. “Just for the rest of the summer, say.”

Of course. She pulled her hand away from Sammy and drew in a deep breath. She needed to calm down and take things one step at a time. Yes, leaving him at the end of the summer would break her heart ten times more. But even a few weeks with her son was more time than she deserved.

“Would you like to go get a cup of coffee?” he asked. “Nail down the details? I think Penny would be willing to take Sammy for an hour or two.”

Arianna found her voice. “That’s okay,” she said, trying not to sound as breathless as she felt. “We can just talk it over at your house. Or here. Wherever.”

He frowned and cleared his throat. “I’d like to be a little more formal and organized about it,” he said as he started to collect Sammy’s things into his utilitarian gray diaper bag. “Draw up a contract, that sort of thing. We need to hammer out the terms.”

Hammer out the terms. What were the right terms for an aunt to become nanny to her secret son? “Okay, sure, I guess.”

“Meet you at the coffee shop in half an hour?”

“Sure.” Dazed, she turned and headed out to her car.

With God all things are possible. The pastor had said it, and she’d just witnessed its truth. She was being given a job, taking care of her son and had a place to live.

It was a blessing, a huge one. But it came at a cost: she was going to need to conceal the truth from Jack on a daily basis. And given the way her heart was jumping around in her chest, she wondered if she was going to be able to survive this much of God’s blessing.

Chapter Four

Jack walked into the coffee shop half an hour later, still in his business-casual church clothes, briefcase in hand. He had a sample contract on a clipboard, a tablet to take notes, his calendar on his phone.

Having all his supplies made him feel slightly more in charge of a situation that seemed to be spiraling out of control.

He felt uneasy and uncomfortable and wrong every time he thought about hiring Arianna as a nanny, even temporarily. Partly, it was what he knew about her being disorganized and messy. More than that was the fact that Chloe had had real issues with her sister and would never have approved of her taking care of Sammy.

And even more than all that, he just felt strangely uncomfortable with his former sister-in-law.

When he thought about Sammy, though, he knew what he had to do, what was right. Sammy liked Arianna, and she was good with him. And they needed to start his treatment now, not when the perfect nanny showed up in six months or a year.

Inside the shop, the deep, rich fragrance of good coffee soothed him. He waved to a few patrons and headed for the counter. He’d order before Arianna got here, get her some coffee, too.

“Jack!” came a sunny voice from the other side of the shop.

He looked up and saw a mass of coppery curls, then Arianna’s wide smile. His muscles tightened, and he felt a strong urge to back out the door. Stronger was the urge to go toward her, even though it felt like he just might be headed for disaster.

She gestured him over, holding up a drink. “I already got you something!” she called over the buzz of the small crowd.

As Jack turned and walked toward her, he was aware of several people watching. Arianna wasn’t quiet.

And she’d gotten him one of those expensive whipped-cream-topped iced coffee drinks he didn’t even like.

“Thanks,” he said as he reached the table and sat down. “You didn’t have to do that. How much was it?” He got out his wallet.

“It’s on me,” she said. “You’ve got to try this. I had one the other day and it’s so good! It’s a mocha java supreme. Of course, I shouldn’t have it, it’s full of calories, but you certainly don’t need to worry about calories.”

“Thanks.” He sat down, feeling concerned, and studied her. She was talking fast, even for Arianna. She was stressed out, too, he realized, as much as or more than he was.

Compassion washed over him then. Arianna was living in that hoarder house with her aunt and uncle and probably very low on cash. She needed this job, and his own worries paled.

He got out his clipboard and notes. “Before we start going through this,” he said, “are you sure you’re interested in the job? It’ll be more responsibility than most nanny jobs, because you’d be supervising some of his therapists and doing the exercises they suggest. You’d have days off, of course, but you wouldn’t be able to pursue a full-time art therapy position.”

“I’m sure,” she said, her eyes shining.

He got tangled up in that gaze for a few seconds, then looked away and cleared his throat. “Okay, then. Most of the sample contracts I looked at—” he pulled out the one he’d printed to show her “—have clauses about what will happen if either party decides to back out early. And we need to nail down an equitable schedule so you don’t get burned-out.” He drew a breath to continue.

She put a hand over his. “Jack. I trust you. Whatever you think is best.”

Her hand on his felt soft and delicate and warm.

He straightened and pulled his hand away. “I can draft a schedule if that would work for you. Then we can go over it and finalize the details. Now, let’s talk about pay.”

“I’d do it for free,” she said promptly.

“Arianna!” Jack shook his head, frowning at her. “You should never say that to a potential employer.”

“You’re not just that, you’re my former brother-in-law. And Sammy is my nephew. Jack, we don’t have to hash out every single detail, nor get everything down in writing. We can make it happen with a handshake.”

He pointed his mechanical pencil at her. “You’re way too trusting. People will take advantage of you.”

To his surprise, she nodded. “It’s happened before,” she said. “But should I let that change me into a suspicious person?”

He really wanted to know who’d taken advantage of her, because he wanted to strangle that person. Some guy, most likely. “Not a suspicious person,” he said, “but maybe a cautious one.”

“You’re probably right,” she said with a shrug. “But for now...I’m super excited to be working with Sammy. I know I can help him.”

Jack had to admit that her attitude was enormously appealing. If a stranger he was interviewing had acted so enthusiastically, he’d have hired her immediately. Well, after checking her résumé and background, of course. Unlike Arianna, he wasn’t impulsive.

And there were a lot of details to straighten out. “Now, as far as where you’ll stay,” he said. “I have plenty of room in the house, but I’m afraid that would raise a few eyebrows. I wouldn’t want your reputation to suffer.”

“Or yours,” she said, sipping her drink. “But actually, I’ve got it covered. Penny offered me the use of her upstairs apartment if I’ll clean it out and decorate it so she can rent it in the fall.”

“That’s perfect.” Another thing that was working out better than he expected. Not what he was used to. He often expected the worst.

He plowed on through his list of things to discuss. “How do you feel about organizing the TSS schedule? Is that something you can handle?”

A smile quirked the corner of her mouth. “I can be organized, Jack,” she said with exaggerated patience. “I’m just not when it doesn’t matter.”

It’s important to sweat the small stuff, he heard in his mind. Chloe’s voice. The same as his mother’s and father’s. Chloe had gotten along so well with them, partly because she’d tried so hard to do everything right.

Guilt suffused him. Chloe hadn’t trusted Arianna and wouldn’t think that hiring her was doing things right. She’d never sanction this arrangement.

Arianna fumbled in her oversize bag and brought out a tablet computer. “I can print this out for you later, if you want,” she said. “It’s my résumé.” She enlarged it so he could see. “I’ve taken two classes focused on kids with special needs. They were a little older than Sammy, but the principles are the same.” She scrolled to another section. “And I did an internship in an early-childhood program. I love babies.” For just a moment, her eyes went wistful.

Jack studied those eyes as questions he’d never thought to ask before pressed into his awareness. Had Arianna wanted to have kids? Did she ever think about it? Was there a boyfriend in the picture?

Around them, the buzz of conversation indicated that the coffee shop was getting crowded. But Jack couldn’t seem to look away from Arianna.

She didn’t seem nearly so affected. “This section is my coursework,” she continued on, scrolling down the tablet’s screen and highlighting a section to show him. “We did a lot of psychology, life-span development, counseling work. Here, take a look.” She handed him the tablet.

He scanned it quickly, then read more closely, impressed. “You have so much coursework in special education.”

She laughed, a sunny, lilting sound. “Don’t look so shocked, Jack. It’s part of most art and music therapy programs.”

He met her eyes over the tablet and couldn’t avoid smiling, almost as big as she did. “There’s a lot more to you than meets the eye, isn’t there?”

“You haven’t scratched the surface.” Was there a tiny bit of flirtation in her tone, in her expression as she looked at him over the rim of her cup?

He took a long pull on his own drink, sucking up frothy sweetness. “You know,” he said, “these are actually good.”

Again, their gazes tangled.

“Son!” The deep voice penetrated his awareness at the same time a familiar, beefy hand gripped his shoulder.

He glanced up as the usual tension squeezed his chest. He knew exactly what his father was thinking. “Hi, Dad. Do you remember—”

“Arianna Shrader. How could I forget.” His father didn’t extend his hand for shaking and neither did she, instead inclining her head slightly, as if she were a queen and he, a lowly peasant.

The attitude wasn’t lost on Dad, Jack could see. But looking at Arianna, he could tell his father’s attitude wasn’t lost on her, either.

“What brings about this meeting?” Disapproval dripped from his father’s voice.

“I’m going to be working for Jack,” Arianna said. “Taking care of Sammy for a while.”

“You’re what?” Dad’s voice squeaked, and his face reddened. He looked at Jack as if he’d just committed a federal crime. “Was this your idea?”

“It was my idea,” Arianna interjected before Jack could open his mouth. “It made sense, given my background and Jack’s needs. Is there a problem?”

“Sure seems like a problem to me, you moving in with your sister’s husband.”

Arianna gasped.

At the same moment, Jack stood and stepped forward so that he was in between his father and Arianna. “Arianna is Sammy’s aunt,” he said, “and there’s nothing inappropriate about her caring for him.”

“Perceptions mean a lot,” Dad said, but his voice was quieter. He stepped sideways to look at Arianna. “It’s your reputation that would suffer the most. This is a small town.”

“I won’t be living in.” Arianna’s normally expressive eyes were cool and flat. “Your son’s virtue is safe with me.”

His father’s face went almost purple, his mouth opening and closing like a dying fish.

“It’s under control, Dad.” Jack put a hand on his father’s arm. “Nothing to worry about.”

Dad looked at their half-empty cups, pursed his lips and shook his head. “I hope so,” he said abruptly and walked away, weaving through the coffee shop’s small tables.

“I’m sorry for that,” Jack said. “Dad can be a little...”

“Judgmental? I’m familiar,” Arianna said, and suddenly, Jack wondered what kinds of things his father had said to her on the few occasions they’d all gotten together.

Certainly, the buoyancy had gone out of her face and voice, and he continued to think about that as they agreed on a few last details and a start date—tomorrow.

But as he walked her to her car, Jack couldn’t forget what his father had said. Perceptions were important. At least a few people in their small town might start to link their names together.

Chloe would have felt that as the ultimate disrespect. If that wretched blood clot hadn’t already killed her, this would have.

Was he making a huge mistake hiring Arianna?

* * *

“The place is kind of a mess,” Penny warned Arianna that evening as they climbed the outside steps to Arianna’s new apartment. “It’s been a rough year.”

Arianna had heard bits and pieces of Penny’s story: how she and her husband had bought the ranch with high hopes. How they’d worked together—she with enthusiasm for the mission, he with enthusiasm for their pretty young office assistant. How he’d left Penny high and dry, and absconded with the funds and the assistant.

Penny was so kind and so beautiful, Arianna couldn’t imagine how anyone could do that to her.