Midwives On-Call At Christmas

But those words seemed enough for Bonnie; she gave a little smile and stood up. ‘Come on, Freya, the Christmas lights and Santa visit aren’t until three o’clock this afternoon. Let’s have a lazy morning on the sofa.’

Freya jumped up in agreement and ran out of the kitchen towards the front room, leaving Jacob at the kitchen table, eyes fixed on Bonnie’s backside in her pyjama trousers, trying to keep his thoughts in check.

* * *

‘Is everyone ready?’

They were all practically standing in a line. Winter jackets, scarfs, gloves and wellington boots in place. Freya couldn’t stand still. She had ants in her pants. She didn’t care that the temperature had plummeted again and a mixture of sleet and snow was starting to fall. She just wanted to meet Rudolph.

‘Will I get to sit on his back? Will Donner be there? And Blitzen? Is his nose really red?’

The questions had been never-ending since this morning.

Jacob smiled. ‘I have no idea. This is all new to me.’

Freya frowned. ‘Is it far? Are we going in the car?’

Bonnie shook her head. ‘No. We’re going to walk. That way, we’ll get to have plenty of time to see all the Christmas lights.’

‘Will Fraser from school be going to see Santa too?’

Jacob knelt in front of her. ‘And who might Fraser be?’

Freya tossed her red hair over her shoulder. ‘My friend,’ she said matter-of-factly.

Bonnie suppressed a laugh. ‘Welcome to my world, Jacob. Or rather the world of little girls—a new best friend every day. I just try and keep up.’

Jacob folded his arms across his chest and did his best to look severe. ‘Fraser, eh? Well, if he’s there you’ll need to point him out. I’d like to meet this Fraser.’

Freya giggled. ‘Can I get my picture with Santa?’

Bonnie nodded and bent to straighten Freya’s hat. ‘Yes, it’s all arranged. Now, are you ready?’

She jumped up and down. ‘I’ve been ready for hours, Mum. Let’s go!’

* * *

It was the perfect afternoon. Cold without being too cold. A light dusting of snow everywhere. By three o’clock it was already getting dark.

Freya’s little hand was in Jacob’s. It was surprising how comfortable it felt. How comfortable he felt doing this. Bonnie had a cream woollen hat pulled over her auburn hair and a thick green wool coat. She looked perfect. Like something from a Christmas card.

He swung Freya up into his arms. ‘Come on. Let’s go and visit Santa and the reindeers. It won’t be long until the lights get switched on.’

The prepaid tickets were the godsend. Thank goodness for one of the midwives in the special care unit. She’d mentioned buying the tickets last year and not having to wait in the freezing cold for hours with her young kids.

Freya only had to wait five minutes before she was able to jump on Santa’s knee and tell him what she wanted for Christmas. She counted off things on her finger. ‘I’d like a new baby doll, one that can eat and poop. I like to change nappies,’ she said proudly.

Santa nodded in amusement. ‘I think that can be arranged,’ he said, nodding towards Bonnie.

She was leaning against Jacob. ‘Thank goodness it isn’t Christmas Eve,’ she said. ‘Last year Freya announced she wanted some board game when we visited Santa on Christmas Eve. It was the first time she’d mentioned it at all. And, of course, it was after five o’clock on Christmas Eve.’

He wrapped his arm around her waist. It was so easy to do that. ‘What did you do?’

She shook her head. ‘What do you think I did? I panicked!’

He watched Freya. She was saying to Santa Claus, ‘We really need a house too. We’ve just moved down from Scotland and we still haven’t found somewhere else to stay.’ She looked up into the air. ‘I mean, the house we’re staying in right now is perfect. So, if we could have one just like it, that would be great.’

‘You like where you stay?’ Santa asked.

Freya sighed. ‘It’s the most beautiful house in the world.’

Something twisted inside Jacob. He’d always loved his house—even if he hadn’t really made his mark on it. But to hear someone else say those words out loud? Say that they loved his house—that was special. It almost made him feel warm inside.

And for the strangest reason, it didn’t send him into a mad panic. He wanted Bonnie and Freya to feel welcome in his home. He liked having them around.

Bonnie shifted a little as if she were uncomfortable.

‘But it could be more perfect.’

Jacob turned at the sound of Freya’s voice. She had his full attention.

‘What would make it perfect, then?’ asked Santa.

‘A dog,’ Freya said quickly.

Jacob burst out laughing. ‘She doesn’t seem to be letting this one go, does she?’

Bonnie laughed too. ‘I’ll have to buy her a stuffed one for Christmas. Or maybe one of those ones that bark? There’s no way we could deal with a real dog. Not with me working full-time. It just wouldn’t be fair.’

Jacob nodded. ‘You’re right. I’ve always considered getting a dog, but even with all the dog-walking companies, it just didn’t seem fair to leave a dog by itself all day.’

She looked surprised. ‘You’ve thought about getting a dog?’

‘Of course.’ He winked. ‘I’ve heard they’re not as complicated as women, or...’ he looked over at Freya ‘...five-year-olds!’

Bonnie laughed as Freya jumped down from Santa’s lap and held out her hand towards him. ‘Thanks, Santa, I’ll let you know if I get what I asked for.’

Santa looked a little surprised and shot Bonnie and Jacob a smile as he shook Freya’s outstretched hand. ‘This is a very astute little girl. Merry Christmas to you all.’

They walked outside towards the reindeer pen and Bonnie pulled the bag of food they’d been given from her bag. One of the staff showed Freya how to hold the food in her hand and she screamed as a reindeer named Vixen slobbered all over her hand.

Without even thinking about it, Jacob stuck his hand in Bonnie’s bag and pulled out the wipes that were sticking out, grabbing one out and wiping Freya’s hand.

‘Jacob?’ He knelt down in front of her. ‘Why don’t the reindeers have red noses? Aren’t they supposed to?’

He smiled. He loved the way Freya’s mind worked. Her endless questions. Her five-year-old’s logic. And her complete and utter belief in all things Christmas. This morning she’d shown him a website they’d been shown at school that would plot Santa’s journey all the way around the world on Christmas Eve. They’d even been able to input the house address to let Santa know where they were.

He whispered in her ear. ‘You’ve got to remember. It’s not Christmas Eve yet. They don’t fly until Christmas Eve, so they don’t need their red noses until then.’

He could almost hear her thinking out loud. Finally she gave a little nod. ‘Now I understand.’

His phone rang and he stood up and pulled it from his back pocket, looking to see who was calling. He glanced towards Bonnie and Freya and walked off to the side.

* * *

Bonnie looked up. It must be a work call. Jacob obviously didn’t want to discuss a patient around them and that was fine.

Freya was still excited. In a few minutes’ time it would be time for the countdown and switch-on of the Christmas lights. Bonnie held out her hand. ‘Come on. The lights will be on in a few minutes. Let’s find somewhere good to stand.’

The smells from the street vendors were wafting all around them. Roasting chestnuts, hot chocolate and mulled wine. The rich pine scents from the wreaths outside the nearby florist were mixing in with other aromas. Holly was intertwined amongst them and mistletoe hung from the door of the shop. Should she buy some?

Jacob was still talking. He looked worried; there were deep furrows across his brow. She crossed her fingers that there were no problems on the labour ward.

He caught her eye and turned away. Something twisted inside.

Now she was being stupid.

This was simple. This was just a nice day out between work colleagues—housemates. Because if she took that kiss out of the equation, there really wasn’t anything else between them—was there?

In theory, no. But that wasn’t the way she was feeling inside. And everything about that made her uncomfortable. After the nightmare of her ex-husband she’d vowed not to expose herself or Freya to anything like that again. She didn’t need the hassle of the conflict.

Bonnie Reid fully intended to be a man-free zone. So what had gone wrong?

She hadn’t even lasted a day. They’d moved in with Jacob their first day. How ridiculous was that?

From the initial grumpy meeting, Jacob had seemed to chill. She’d been nervous about staying there with Freya; the first few days she’d scoured the Internet for somewhere else.

But it was almost as if, after the first few days, he wasn’t really in a hurry for them to move out. Anywhere she showed him he always had a reason for them not to move there. Too far out. Too rough. Not near a good school. And while it was helpful and informative, it wasn’t actually inspiring her to move elsewhere.

She and Freya were getting a little too comfortable in Jacob’s lovely house. It was almost starting to feel like home.

Jacob put the phone back in his pocket and spun around to face them. He walked over, picked up Freya and put her on his shoulders. ‘This is where you’ll get the best view,’ he said, and she squealed with happiness as he swung her up.

But Bonnie’s stomach was still churning. It was almost as if the phone call hadn’t happened. It was almost as if he hadn’t deliberately walked away from them and excluded them from his conversation.

A horrible chill crept down her spine. Jacob wasn’t on call any more. His on-call duties finished at midday. Whoever had phoned him—it hadn’t been about work. There were no patient confidentiality issues. So what didn’t he want her to hear?

She didn’t have time to think any further, because his arm was around her shoulders and he moved them forwards a little as Santa positioned himself on stage to make the announcement and turn on the lights.

Crowds had gathered all around them. They were lucky Jacob had thought to buy them tickets. The area in front of the stage was crushed full of people. At the side, they could see the view all along the street. A perfect position to see the lights switched on.

Santa started cheering the crowd on. Some of the handlers had brought the reindeers out from the pen and positioned them behind him. The animals seemed completely unperturbed by the noise or the crowds. Freya, in the meantime, was clapping her hands with excitement.

‘Ten, nine, eight, seven, six.’ Bonnie joined in the countdown with the rest of the crowd. This was what she wanted for her little girl. To be full of the joys of Christmas and to enter into the spirit of things.

Moving down here had been hard. Emotionally hard. The separation in miles was the final nail in her divorce coffin, and one that she so badly needed. Everything down here was new. Everything down here was fresh.

Living in a town where Freya could have seen her father at any point, and been ignored by him, was too much for her. His lack of involvement hurt. It wasn’t the issue of being both mum and dad to her little girl—that was without question. It was the carefully chosen words she had to find to explain why he didn’t call—why he didn’t visit.

And it didn’t matter that moving to Cambridge gave Robert a perfect excuse for not visiting Freya. He hadn’t needed one in Scotland. It just lessened the impact of him not being around. Freya was so caught up in her new home, her new school and her new friends that she hadn’t even had a chance to miss him and that was a welcome relief.

Jacob looked over at her and squeezed her shoulder. ‘Okay?’

‘Yes.’ She nodded, pushing away all the other little doubts that had started to creep into her mind. It was one phone call. One. Nothing else.

Jacob wasn’t Robert. And even if he was, it was none of her business. They were work colleagues—friends.

Santa finished the countdown, ‘Three, two, one,’ and flicked the switch.

It was magical. Like something from a movie. The Christmas lights started at the bottom of the street. Red, green and gold garlands strung across the road flickered to life.

It was like a Mexican wave. At points along the way there were bigger illuminations. A North Pole house, a multicoloured sleigh, a large pile of presents. The church halfway along the street had joined in. Multicoloured lights wrapped around the stained-glass windows and steeple lit up the dark night sky. A nativity scene in the churchyard, complete with shepherds and magi, was brought to life.

Freya loved every part of it. Every time another part lit she gasped with excitement. The lights were getting closer, finishing with the large Christmas tree in the middle of the square. The colours lit up one at a time, as if someone were stringing tinsel around the tree while they watched. First green, then red, then gold. Finally a large white twinkling star lit at the top of the tree as fireworks started to go off behind them. Cambridge really knew how to do Christmas.

One of the brass bands from the local schools started to play Christmas carols and Bonnie, Freya and Jacob joined in. By the time Jacob slid Freya off his shoulders an hour later her eyelids were heavy. Bonnie held out her arms to take her but Jacob shook his head. ‘It’s fine. We’ve still got quite a way to walk back.’ She saw the tiniest flash of hesitation across his eyes, then he bent down and dropped a kiss on her lips.

Just when she thought she had things sorted in her head. Just when she’d convinced herself that what Jacob did was none of her business and she should forget their last kiss.

The kiss zapped everything back into his place. The taste of his lips and the feel of his hands sliding under her jumper and up her back.

‘Come on.’ He smiled at her. ‘Let’s get sleepyhead back home. It’s getting cold out here.’

A few gentle flakes of snow started to fall around them. Freya had automatically snuggled into Jacob’s neck and was already half asleep. Jacob kept his other arm around Bonnie and steered them both through the crowd and along the street.

Bonnie looked around. To everyone else, they must look like a regular family. Mum, Dad and little girl. Part of that terrified her. The other part pined for it.

She wanted Freya to be loved, to be part of a family. She wanted her little girl to have the relationship that she’d missed out on with her own father.

And Bonnie didn’t want to grow old alone. She’d been stung by her cheating ex and it had made her wary. But it didn’t stop her hoping that somewhere out there would be a man who would love and respect her the way she did him.

Would make her skin tingle and send pulses through her body from a mere look, a touch.

Trouble was, the only person who fitted the bill right now was Jacob Layton.

Could she really trust him with her heart? And with Freya’s too?

CHAPTER NINE

JACOB STARED AT the letter in his hand.

This was it. The appointment he’d been waiting for. The one that could be the end of the big black cloud that had been hanging over his head for the last fifteen months.

His scheduled appointment was fourteen days away but he’d phoned and asked for a cancellation. He couldn’t wait any longer to find out his results—good or bad.

Professional courtesy in the NHS went a long way. CT scan and blood tests tomorrow. Appointment with the specialist the day after.

His stomach twisted. Over the last few days he’d reverted to form and he knew it. He was snapping at people again, being grumpy at work.

All because of what was happening inside.

Something had hit him. Ever since he’d had that conversation with Bonnie and kissed her he couldn’t think straight. His house was now full of Christmas decorations and happy, smiley people. And for the first time in his life he actually wanted to be a happy, smiley person too.

But he just couldn’t be. Not with this hanging over his head.

The possibility of a real relationship—a real connection with someone—was there. But he felt as if it were slipping through his fingers like shifting sands.

Talking about his mother had been an enormous help. Sharing with Bonnie had given him a connection he hadn’t felt since he was a young child. Bonnie was a woman he could trust. A woman he could love with his whole heart.

His grip tightened on the letter in his hand. So why hadn’t he told her about this?

The truth was he wasn’t ready. Cancer was a burden. Cancer was a relationship deal breaker. He was still at that uncertain stage with Bonnie. He didn’t want to be a burden to her and Freya—particularly if the news he was about to receive was bad.

If it was, he would step back and fade into the background of their lives. He would probably stop making up reasons she shouldn’t move to any of the properties that she’d shown him and help her and Freya take the next steps in their lives.

Above everything he didn’t want Bonnie to feel sorry for him. To form a relationship with him out of sympathy or pity. He didn’t want that kind of relationship.

He wanted the kind that had started to burn inside him already. The kind where she was his first thought in the morning and his last thought at night. The kind where he could walk into the labour suite and sense she was there without even seeing her.

The kind where her scent would drift across the room towards him and wrap itself around him like a magic spell. So the first face he would see would be hers and her smile would send him a thousand unspoken promises.

Bonnie and Freya had been badly let down before. He didn’t want that for them again. And until he found out about his test results, he couldn’t even begin to have the kind of conversations with Bonnie that he should be having.

Would she even consider their relationship progressing? How would she feel knowing that he’d had cancer? How would she feel about his position on children? She already had Freya, but Bonnie struck him as the kind of woman who’d want to expand her family. Could she be in a relationship with a man who didn’t want to pass the risk of cancer—no matter how small—on to his kids?

So many unanswered questions. So many dangerous assumptions. Crabbit. That was how she’d good-naturedly described him the other day. It was a good Scottish word for him—because that was exactly how he felt.

Unsure. That was another word that described him right now.

He’d always spent his life knowing exactly who he was and what he wanted.

Bonnie—and Freya—had literally turned his world upside down.

‘Jacob?’

He crumpled the paper in his hand and thrust it into his pocket. ‘Yes?’ Bonnie was standing at his office door. A furrow ran across her brow.

‘Sean just phoned. Someone else phoned in sick for tomorrow. He wondered if you could cover the theatre list?’

Jacob hesitated. He’d never refused to cover for a fellow doctor before. His automatic default position was always to say yes.

But this was different. If he missed the tests tomorrow, he’d have to wait another two weeks before his routine appointment came up. There were another four obstetricians at CRMU. Sean had probably just asked him first as a matter of routine. He took a deep breath. ‘No. Sorry, tell him I have obligations that I can’t break. He’ll need to ask someone else.’

Bonnie hesitated and took a little step towards him. ‘Jacob?’

He shook his head. He couldn’t have this conversation with her—not right now. He swept past her, before her light perfume started to invade his senses. ‘Tell him to ask Isabel. I’m sure she’ll oblige.’

He carried on down the corridor. One look from Bonnie’s confused blue eyes was enough for him. He had to be so careful. She’d been hurt badly by her husband. He’d already done damage when he’d torn down the Christmas decorations. For the next two days it would be best if he could avoid her. He’d find a reason to work late tonight. And another reason to stay out of her way tomorrow. His tests were in the afternoon. Then he’d just have to wait twenty-four hours to find out his results.

He glanced at his watch. He needed to have a conversation with Dean Edwards about a baby in Special Care. He could go there. Bonnie would be tied up in the labour suite for the rest of the day.

He sucked in a breath as he pushed open the swing doors. Forty-eight hours. Forty-eight hours, then he’d know if his life was about to begin, or could be about to end.

CHAPTER TEN

SOMETHING WAS WRONG. She could feel it in her bones.

Jacob was avoiding her—and avoiding Freya. Last night he’d come home when they’d both been in bed. When she’d got up and gone downstairs to make a cup of tea and talk to him, it had been obvious he had other things on his mind.

It was painful. It was embarrassing to be around someone that had kissed her so passionately a few days before and now acted as though he didn’t want her around.

Maybe it stung so much because she actually cared. She cared what Jacob thought about her.

And caring was the one thing she shouldn’t be doing.

Jacob had told her about his mother. But there was something else he was keeping from her. And it made her uncomfortable.

She deserved better than that—Freya deserved better than that.

Worse than anything, she didn’t even feel as if she could call him on it. They weren’t even in a proper relationship. She had no right to ask where he was going, or what he was doing. She just had that horrible sensation of being taken for a fool.

It didn’t help that she was staying in his house. In fact, it made things ten times worse. If she’d met him through work and they’d maybe just shared a kiss, or gone on a date, she would be able to take a step back and distance herself.

Living under one roof made things a whole lot more complicated.

She tapped at the computer screen. It was only a few weeks until Christmas and the choices seemed even more limited than the last time she’d looked. Seven flats—all within her price range. All white, bland, soulless rooms in a range of buildings she wasn’t sure she wanted to stay in.

Two in tower blocks. Three in areas that were less than salubrious. And that hadn’t come from Jacob—a few of the other members of staff in the labour suite had recounted tales of staying in some of the surrounding areas. One looked in the same state as the motel she and Freya had stayed in, and another was nearer Freya’s school but was a tiny one-bedroom flat.

She clicked on another that flashed by on the top of her screen. This time it was a beautiful two-bedroom flat well out of her price range. A large, spacious flat with original polished floorboards like Jacob’s and the same bay-style windows dressed with the kind of curtains she’d imagined for his house.

She pressed the delete button quickly. She was being stupid. Even her house search reminded her of him.

She scribbled down the details of the tiny one-bedroom flat. She’d phone the agent later. How much space did she really need anyway? As long as the place was heated and didn’t suffer from damp it would be fine. It had the essential ingredients. It was near Freya’s school and it would be a place to call their own.

A tiny shiver crept down her spine. It had always been her intention to find somewhere for her and Freya to stay. She’d allowed herself to be distracted by Jacob. She’d let herself be influenced by him when he’d told her everything she’d looked at was unsuitable. In a few short weeks, she and Freya had become comfortable in his home.

The sharp man she’d met on her first day had all but vanished. Once you scratched beneath the surface with Jacob Layton there was so much more. He was just good at hiding all the stuff that was really important. His sense of humour, his warmth, his vulnerability and his strength.