Child Wanted
Lindy pushed the horrid memories away and watched her son, so quiet and withdrawn, the way he’d always been when Gil was at home and he was afraid of his daddy’s temper. Even at just fourteen months, he’d known to be fearful of his father. But when it’d just been the two of them in the house, when he’d been alone with Lindy, he’d laughed, smiled, played.
Would he now be consumed by sadness forever?
She wanted to hold him, hug him. But he hadn’t recognized her, hadn’t known his mother at all.
And why should he? Not only did she look different now, but he’d been a baby when she left. Now he was a little boy. The three years apart might as well have been ten.
He didn’t know her.
The social worker cleared her throat. “Why wouldn’t you be able to adopt, Lindy?” Her tone was gentle, as though she knew the agony tormenting Lindy’s soul.
Lindy wanted to sprint the few feet to Jerry, pick him up and run. She wanted to go somewhere where she could take the time to show him that she loved him, and that she’d never, ever stopped loving him. But that would only make things worse. She needed to find a better way. A right way. A legal way.
Swallowing, she explained, “I couldn’t adopt a child now because I’ve...had a tough time over the past few years. I don’t have a family, or a job, or even a place to live.” Her stomach pitched at the truth. “I don’t have anything to offer a child.”
The couple on the other side of the fountain had started walking toward them and must have overheard her statement, because the woman moved toward Lindy’s bench and sat down. “That can’t be true,” she said softly. “Because the main thing kids need in their lives is love.”
Throughout her years at the prison, Lindy had taught herself not to cry. Crying was a weakness, and she couldn’t let the other inmates see her as the weakest. Consequently, she’d believed she no longer possessed the ability to release her tears. But they slipped free now, thick, wet drops edging down her cheeks.
Lindy wiped them away. “I don’t know what has me so upset.” The lie stung. She knew exactly what had her upset. Her son was here, right in front of her, and she had no idea what to do to get him back.
Forgive me, Lord. And help me now. Show me how to have Jerry in my life again. She was still trying to work her way back toward trusting God. Though she’d learned in the prison ministry that He’d never leave her, she still wondered where He had been the night the police had torn Jerry from her arms and charged her with her husband’s murder.
“Here.” Ethan moved toward her, a white handkerchief extended from his hand.
To ignore the offering might make the others wonder what she had against the man, so she took the soft white fabric and swiped at her cheeks. A crisp scent, earthy and masculine, filled her senses. She fought against inhaling deeper. She didn’t want to like this man, or the way he smelled, or the fact that, unlike any man she’d ever known, he still carried a handkerchief. “Thank you.”
The woman next to her, who now had an arm draped around Lindy’s shoulders, echoed her thoughts. “You carry a handkerchief?”
Ethan smiled. “I teach eighth graders. You know, the age when every girl gets her feelings hurt by another girl at some point in the school year. It never hurts to have a handkerchief handy.”
He taught school. And seemed nice. How would Lindy ever convince a court that she should have Jerry instead of this man?
Because she knew from past experience how a man could sway her opinion with his gorgeous good looks, or his swoonworthy charm. Gil had fooled the public—and Lindy—into believing he was a great catch and a good guy...and then had been the exact opposite behind closed doors.
“Here.” She attempted to return the handkerchief, but Ethan shook his head.
“You keep it. Like I said, I go through them rather quickly, and I have plenty more.” Another charming smile, showing off straight white teeth amid a tan face, threatened to knock her senses off balance. “Seriously, keep it,” he said.
Lindy didn’t have the wherewithal to argue, so she nodded. “Thanks.” Then she caught sight of Jerry, easing toward the fountain with the last bits of his bread.
“Look at that one with the bread on his back,” one of the twins said, giggling and pointing.
Jerry followed the direction of her finger and nodded. Lindy felt a sliver of hope. He was interacting with other children and, for a moment, didn’t look quite so sad.
She so wanted to see him smile.
“You said you need a job and a place to stay, right?” the lady beside her asked.
“Yes.” She’d stayed in cheap—very cheap—hotels over the past week, but after buying the little used car that she’d needed to get to Claremont and purchasing a limited supply of clothing, she’d depleted almost all of the money she’d saved when she’d been married to Gil. Lindy was glad she’d been trying to save for a vehicle back then, or she wouldn’t have had anything beyond the ten dollars of “gate money” she’d been given when she was released.
“Well, I happen to know that my grandparents are looking for help at their sporting goods store.” She pointed behind Lindy. “I’m Savvy Evans, but my maiden name is Bowers, and my grandparents’ store is over there. Bowers’s Sporting Goods. I actually worked there before we started the children’s home, and let me tell you, you won’t find any better people to work for.”
“Of course, she’s a little prejudiced, but it’s the truth.” The man beside her grinned. “I’m Savvy’s husband, Brodie Evans.”
Lindy couldn’t believe this turn of events. “You think they might hire me?” She’d already considered the difficulty of finding employment. If there were any sort of application process, or even a request for references, she didn’t have a prayer.
Savvy nodded assuredly. “Of course I do.”
God, I’m trying to learn to trust You, but how are You going to pull this off?
Savvy continued to smile, and Lindy was struck by how much the offer meant to her. “We were planning to go over there and talk to my grandparents about our new fishing program after we leave the fountain. That’s what this position would involve, primarily working with the new Fishers of Men program that we’re starting for the kids at Willow’s Haven. Why don’t you come with us and talk to them about the job?”
Lindy couldn’t remember the last time anyone had offered to help her, if ever. Then she thought about the man who’d just given her a handkerchief when she cried. The same one who wanted to adopt her son—and take Jerry away from her permanently.
He looked at her now, and an instant awareness inched through her, the sensation that she’d been noticed by an extremely handsome man. Which was quickly followed by the memory of the last time an attractive man had noticed her. Then married her. And hurt her. Repeatedly.
“Why don’t you go with us?” he asked, as though he thought she might want encouragement from him.
She didn’t. In fact, she wanted him to leave, to get away from her and, more important, from her son.
“I wanted to go there anyway, to see what Jerry and I will need for the time we’re going to spend together this summer. As much as I’ll admit I have no clue about fishing, I’m still excited about learning to fish with him.” He displayed another smile that punched her in the heart. He would be spending time with Jerry this summer.
But so would she.
She turned to Savvy. “I’d like to talk to them about the job.”
“Awesome! Let’s go.” Savvy smiled broadly. So did Ethan.
But Lindy could only pray. Pray that God would give her this chance to be around her little boy on a regular basis. She needed to get to know him again and show him that she loved him while the attorney figured out the best way for her to regain custody.
And if that meant spending time with Ethan Green, so be it.
Chapter Two
Ethan walked with the group toward the sporting goods store and considered how he’d arrived in Claremont this morning with one goal: to begin the process of adopting Jerry and showing this little guy that someone would care about him, someone would love him unconditionally, never abandon him and take care of his every need.
In other words, he wanted to be the kind of father that he’d never had, to a boy who was so much like himself.
Because of Ethan’s own past, he’d always been drawn to those who’d been hurt or mistreated. That was why he couldn’t stop thinking about the woman who’d pierced his heart with her story.
She wanted to adopt a child but didn’t think she had anything to offer. She had no family. No job. No home.
What had happened to Lindy Burnett?
And how could Ethan help?
They reached the sporting goods store, and the twins darted inside to see their great-grandparents, Brodie and Savvy following. But Jerry didn’t join the group. Instead, he peered at the window display, which featured a bright green pedal boat suspended in the air and fishing gear propped on a sea of blue fabric.
Candace, Ethan and Lindy stopped near the boy as he placed his palms against the window and examined the items.
“What do you think of all that?” Ethan asked. “Pretty cool, huh?”
Jerry’s small fingers curled in as he moved his hands together to bracket his eyes and catch a better view. “Yes,” he said, then he jerked his head toward Ethan and quickly added, “sir.”
While Ethan was glad Jerry had finally spoken to him, he still glanced to the social worker and wondered if she was thinking the same thing—that the little boy had apparently gotten in trouble in the past for not addressing adults with respect.
What kind of trouble? Ethan wondered. And at whose hand? Who had caused the fear in those bright blue eyes? The last family he’d lived with had wanted to adopt him then decided against it, but Jerry had been in several short-term placements before he’d ended up with them. Undoubtedly, at least one of those homes had put this fear in the boy, because Jerry would’ve been too young to have worried about saying “sir” to Gil Flinn.
How many people had already hurt this child?
Lindy’s mouth turned down at the edges, and then she slowly crouched next to Jerry at the window, her long floral skirt gathering around her as she spoke to the doleful boy. “That green thing is called a pedal boat,” she said softly. “I always thought it would be fun to try one, but I’ve never had the chance.” She pulled at the edges of her pink cardigan as she leaned against the brick building and looked directly into Jerry’s eyes. Ethan was thrown once again by the sheer beauty of the woman, particularly as she spoke so tenderly to the boy. “Do you think it’d be fun, Jerry?” she asked.
“Yes, ma’am.” He nodded, but then shook his head. “No.” He paused. “No, ma’am.”
Lindy’s lower lip trembled, and Ethan stepped closer.
“You don’t think that’d be fun, Jerry?” he asked.
Another emphatic shake, and Ethan wondered what had just transpired in the boy’s head. Why had he changed his mind so quickly? More fear?
Lindy released a heavy breath that reflected Ethan’s feelings. She looked pained, as if she felt as much agony over the child’s situation as Ethan.
Did she?
“Why don’t we go in the store, Jerry, and see what else they have, okay?” Candace prompted, placing a palm against Jerry’s back to guide him away from the window.
Ethan stepped ahead to open the door for his future son. “Want to head inside, Jerry?”
Still staring at the pedal boat, he shook his head, as though answering a silent question, then he eased away from the window and entered the store. Candace followed, while Ethan held the door.
But Lindy remained crouched near the window. Her petite features were drawn, and a heavy tear slid down her left cheek. She made no effort to wipe it away, and Ethan watched as it moved past her jaw and then trickled down the slender column of her throat.
I don’t have a family, or a job, or even a place to live.
Like Jerry, the attractive woman’s world had been upended.
But how?
She slowly stood and discreetly brushed the side of her hand along the path the tear had taken. “He wants to be strong, but he’s scared.”
Ethan thought the same thing, because he knew from experience. But how was she so sure? What had happened in her world? He released his hold on the door and allowed it to close, not wanting Jerry to overhear his words. “I have to wonder how I—or how any adult—will ever gain his trust.”
She chewed her lower lip and then swallowed. “It’ll take time, but I have to show him he can trust again.”
“You have to show him?” Ethan asked. Why would she think that was her responsibility?
“We,” she corrected herself. “We—adults—have to show him that he can trust again.”
The door opened, and Savvy peeked out. “Hey, my grandparents are eager to meet y’all.”
Daisy stuck her head out near Savvy’s hip and peered up at her. “Mom, come look at the new pink and purple life jackets they’ve got.” She tugged on the hem of Savvy’s shirt. “They’re girl colors, and one even has flowers on it.”
Savvy grinned. “I should go check those out.” She looked at Lindy and raised a finger. “Something to note, sporting goods stores aren’t just for guys anymore.” Then she smiled, and left them alone again.
“You may want to bring that up when you’re interviewing for the job,” he said, trying to lighten things and put her more at ease before she talked to the owners.
Lindy blinked, her long lashes still damp as she nodded. “Thanks, I will.”
Ethan suddenly recalled the last time he’d wanted to help a beautiful, troubled female. He’d only meant to give Jenny comfort and be a friend to her after she’d lost her parents. But he’d ended up falling for his friend. They’d grown closer, and both proclaimed love. Planned to be together forever. Gotten engaged. And then he’d lost his fiancée and his best man, when she’d left Ethan for Sean.
No doubt Lindy Burnett needed someone to care about her, someone to help her, maybe even someone to love her. But Ethan could only go so far. He could be kind. He could attempt to help. But he couldn’t let himself fall in love.
He could also pray for her and ask God to give her the job she needed, the child she wanted, the life she desired. That was what he could do, what he should do.
What he would do.
And he’d maintain the reins on his heart, the way he’d vowed to do after Jenny had left him two days before their wedding and married Sean six months later.
He opened the door again. “Ready to go get that job?”
She stepped through the entrance, Ethan trying not to notice the way her freckles looked more copper up close, or how her strawberry waves swayed against her shoulder when she moved, or that she smelled like sweet honey.
God, help her get this job. Help her adopt a child. Help her have a family again. Help her find love. And, God, help me keep my mind on Jerry...and off her.
He entered and turned away from Lindy, who was already speaking to Savvy about the potential job, and looked for the boy who would hopefully be his son soon.
Ethan perused the immaculate store, impressed with the amount of inventory. The floor space wasn’t large, yet Savvy’s grandparents had organization down to an art, with each section identified by sport. Football, basketball, soccer and baseball composed the front left side. Supplies for outdoor activities, such as kayaks, tents and fishing gear, filled the front right. The back of the store held items for golfing, tennis, track and so on.
“Look at this, Jerry. What do you think?” He selected a tiny leather T-ball glove from one of the wire baskets hanging along the left wall. Growing up, Ethan had enjoyed baseball. In Alabama, they kept the sport going year-round, which had worked for him, since he was always moving from one foster home to another. He didn’t have to learn a new activity, and by high school, he was known for having a pretty good arm. Pretty good swing, too, truth be told.
“Want to try it on? I can show you how it fits over your hand, and maybe we could go to a field around here and learn to catch some baseballs.” Ethan’s blood pumped fiercely, excitement palpable as he imagined this summer and all the days he and Jerry would spend at the local park. “Doesn’t that sound great?”
The little boy looked glumly at the glove and said nothing.
Candace knelt beside him and offered him a smile. “Jerry, would you like to play baseball sometime with Mr. Green? You can tell us if you don’t want to, or you can tell us if you do.”
Ethan could almost see himself in the scene before him, a tiny little boy listening to his social worker trying to sort out what was going on in his mind. They’d all been so nice, but he’d never had the courage to tell them the truth. What did he want? A real home. To stop moving every year. Or every month. He’d wanted a dad who loved him and cared for him. And a mom who wouldn’t stand by while his father beat him until, at merely six years old, Ethan could no longer stand.
“I don’t want to play baseball.” Jerry’s soft words weren’t delivered to Candace, but to Ethan.
He didn’t want to play baseball. That ruined Ethan’s vision, but still...he’d answered Ethan. Not Candace, but Ethan.
“Okay, then, we’ll do something else,” he said, regrouping his plans for father/son time. No baseball, no problem. He already knew they would be fishing together, since the Fishers of Men program was planned for every child at Willow’s Haven. Ethan had hoped, though, that they might find something in common that he had some sort of experience with. But in any case, he indicated the fishing items on the opposite side of the store. “We can go look at the fishing gear with Rose and Daisy if you want.”
Jerry didn’t answer, but he nodded. Another step in the right direction.
Ethan and Candace led him toward Brodie and the girls, who were checking out kid-sized fishing rods displayed in a bright yellow bucket. Savvy had taken Lindy to the back of the store to talk to her grandparents about the potential job. He watched as Savvy made introductions, and Lindy’s hand moved back to her throat as she gave them a watery smile.
How could someone so stunning have so little confidence?
“We’re excited about the Fishers of Men program,” Brodie said. “We weren’t sure we’d be able to get enough mentors from the community, but one announcement at church and a few flyers placed at the businesses around the square led to plenty.”
Ethan turned his attention from Lindy’s interview to Brodie. “Yeah, it seems like a great way for folks to spend time with the kids.” And Jerry was looking at the fishing gear with interest, which was better than the baseball glove fail.
Brodie examined the white price tag on a fishing rod. “Learning to fish and enjoying God’s creation—a terrific way to bond with the kids. It was Savvy’s idea, of course.” He picked up the rod, weighed it in his hand and grinned. “She’s always coming up with ways to involve the community in the kids’ lives.”
“Sounds like so much fun,” Candace said, tilting her head toward Jerry and pulling a red fishing rod from the yellow bucket.
Ethan didn’t know the first thing about fishing. Nothing. He’d never had anyone take him to a lake or teach him to put one of those reels on the rod or even show him how to bait a hook.
But Jerry, holding the red fishing rod, looked at him now as though waiting for someone to offer to do something with him...the same way Ethan had always prayed for someone to spend time with him.
Seriously, God? Peter, Andrew, James and John were fishermen. But me? I haven’t got a clue. You know that. Why not baseball?
Yet Ethan found himself asking, “You want to be my fishing buddy for the summer, Jerry?”
Jerry looked at the rod, and then at Ethan. “Yes, sir.”
No, it wasn’t his sport of choice, but Jerry actually wanted to fish...with Ethan. Ethan wanted to pick the kid up, swing him around and cheer, but they weren’t anywhere near that point. Yet. Instead, he took a deep breath and prayed that he wouldn’t stink too badly at fishing. Okay, Lord. Here we go. “Well, all right, then.”
Candace smiled. “A perfect opportunity to bond, don’t you think?”
“I do.” Ethan couldn’t disagree, even if he wondered how many other adults would be watching him. He’d have to pray no one caught the process on video. He could just imagine his students having a field day with Mr. Green’s botched fishing experience.
“Some of my best memories growing up are from fishing with my friends.” Brodie grinned. “I remember one time John Cutter hooked my ear on a cast that went wrong.” He touched his right ear. “Still got the scar from that one.”
Ethan winced and instinctively cupped a hand over one ear. “I hope we don’t make those kind of memories, Jerry, don’t you?”
Jerry squinted up at him, and gave him something that resembled a grin.
Ethan’s pulse tripped, and his heart soared. Fishing. If that was what it took to make Jerry happy and able to trust him, then that’s what Ethan would do. “So I guess I’ll need to start purchasing some of this fishing gear?”
“You can, or you can just rent the equipment for the summer, whatever works best. Savvy’s grandparents do provide a fifty percent discount to folks participating in the program, so if you think you may want to keep fishing after it’s done, that’d be a great deal.”
Ethan didn’t want Jerry seeing anything they did together as short-term, so he quickly answered, “That’s what we’ll want.”
“I thought you might.” Brodie leaned down to help Rose and Daisy, who’d managed to get two fishing rods locked together. “Savvy’s grandparents have a list of recommended supplies. Why don’t you go get a copy and find out when all of the gear we’ve requested for the program will be available in the store? They were supposed to hear from the supplier this morning.”
“Sounds good.” Ethan left the group and worked his way through circular racks of life jackets and hip waders to find Savvy and an older gentleman filling a square purple bin with small tackle boxes.
“These will be great for the kids,” she said, then noticed him approaching. “Hey, Ethan, this is my grandfather, James Bowers. Granddaddy, this is Ethan Green. He’s the man I told y’all about, the one who wants to adopt the little boy who came to Willow’s Haven a few days ago.”
“That’s wonderful, son.” Mr. Bowers extended a hand. “Pleasure to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you.” Ethan could get used to the friendliness of this town. Birmingham was a friendly place, too, but with a population of 200,000 compared to Claremont’s roughly 4,500, it lacked the everyone-knows-everyone feeling of Claremont. And Ethan found that he liked it, a lot.
“Everything going okay up front with the kids?” Savvy asked.
“Yes, but I wanted to see about getting a list of supplies for the Fishers of Men program.” He spotted a small blue lifejacket and thought it’d probably be Jerry’s size. He’d need to add that to the list. They wouldn’t need it for fishing on the bank, but if they ventured out on a boat, he’d need one. He thought about the pedal boat and Jerry’s apparent fear. And the fact that Lindy had picked up on it, too.
Maybe she had that kind of intuition—a mother’s intuition.
But she didn’t have children. She’d said she had no family.
“Ah, right. The list for the Fishers of Men program,” Mr. Bowers said. “The printouts are in the office. Ask Jolaine to give you a copy. She’s in there talking to our newest employee.” He grinned, and Ethan did, too. Lindy had apparently gotten the job she needed.
“The office is back there, far right corner,” Savvy said, gesturing with her thumb over her shoulder.
“Thanks.” Ethan headed for the office, but slowed when he got close and heard Savvy’s grandmother and Lindy talking.
* * *
Lindy already adored the woman sitting across from her. Jolaine Bowers reminded her of her own grandmother, the one who’d raised Lindy and shown her the true meaning of unconditional love.