Falling For His Best Friend

The live feed widened to show the emergency vehicles, the ambulances and fire engines, their red and blue lights absorbed by the thick cloud of black smoke as they weaved their way through the stationary cars on the bridge.

The images from the helicopter cut out and were replaced by a reporter standing on the bridge, a microphone held up to her mouth and the burning bus behind her. How the hell had she got through the traffic and the chaos? Sitting on the ground around her were several people who looked dazed and shocked. Some were coughing and Kitty wondered if they were passengers from the bus.

Lisa grabbed the remote and pressed a button, increasing the volume until they could hear the reporter’s commentary.

‘...on the Harbour Bridge, where a city-bound commuter bus has gone up in flames near the northern end. Witnesses say twenty to thirty passengers have been evacuated but there may still be people trapped inside the bus...’

Kitty didn’t want to see the reporter. She wanted the camera to go back to the accident—she was looking for Joe. But the reporter continued to talk.

‘There is no word yet on what caused the fire. Commuters say there was a loud explosion, and you can see behind me that the windows of the bus have all been blown out.’

The camera panned to the bus, zooming in on the accident, and Kitty searched the scene.

‘The heat is intense, the sky is thick with black smoke and there is a terrible odour in the air. Paramedics are treating victims for smoke inhalation as firefighters try to get the blaze under control.’

Kitty’s eyes flicked from one paramedic to another, from one blue uniform to the next, but she couldn’t see Joe. She knew he was working this morning and that crews from the station at the North Sydney Hospital would be some of the closest to the scene. Maybe he was on another call-out? As long as he was safe, she thought—just as she saw a familiar shape at the side of the screen. Smoke was obscuring the image, but she recognised the way he moved.

Joe.

He was running straight at the bus. Her eyes followed his path as he came further into view in the centre of the television screen. There was a man standing in the doorway of the bus, his back to Joe. He was bent over, and he looked like he was struggling with something. Kitty realised he was dragging someone from the bus. And then Joe was there, followed by two other paramedics.

The standing man stepped out of the way as the paramedics threw a blanket over the man who lay in the doorway before lifting him from the bus and putting him on a stretcher.

Kitty could see the other man swaying as he stood next to the bus. Just when he looked as if he was about to collapse Joe caught him and laid him on the ground.

The camera panned out again and the reporter was in the foreground of the shot, blocking Kitty’s view. She could see the man lying on the ground but she couldn’t see Joe. He wouldn’t have gone into the bus, would he? Surely not? That would be the firefighters’ job. But was he far enough away? What if there was another explosion?

‘Firefighters are struggling to douse the flames engulfing a city-bound bus on the Harbour Bridge,’ the reporter repeated. ‘All lanes on the bridge are closed until the danger is contained. It appears that the bus has now been evacuated with reports that two men, the driver and a passenger, are being treated for burns, but there are no reports of any fatalities at this stage and still no information as to the cause of the fire.’

There was an increase in activity in the background and finally the camera cut away from the reporter and back to the bus. Kitty could see ambulances, their doors open and lights flashing as the picture showed someone being loaded in through the back doors of one of them.

And there was Joe. Back in view. She couldn’t see his face but she didn’t need to. He was instantly recognisable. It was more than the width of his shoulders and the shape of his head. It was the way he moved. Purposeful, composed. Unflappable, measured. Despite the chaos of his surroundings he projected calmness. He always seemed to know what he was doing. Not like her. So often she felt completely lost unless he was there to anchor her. Joe had been there for her in the toughest of times, but he’d never seemed to need her in the same way.

He was leaning over one of the victims, but he looked awfully close to the burning bus. Too close. Kitty’s heart was still racing. She was trapped in a terrible feeling of helplessness. What if something happened to him?

She tried to push that thought aside as she saw him loading his patient onto the stretcher. She couldn’t bear to think of something happening to Joe. He was a constant, solid, reassuring presence, the calm through so many of her storms, and she couldn’t imagine her life without him in it. She turned away from the television as Joe disappeared from the screen, willing him to hurry before anything else could go wrong.

He would be on his way to her now. She knew he would be coming to her hospital. She needed to see him, to reassure herself he was OK.

Lisa muted the television as Kitty brought her focus back to the task at hand. The ambulances would be arriving soon. They needed to be ready. The paramedics would be turning around and bringing the injured to the North Sydney Hospital. They might not be the closest but they were on the right side of the bridge, on the same side of the harbour. They would be the most easily accessible emergency department, and they had a burns unit. Time was of the essence, especially for burns victims.

Kitty grabbed aprons and left Lisa to deal with the patients waiting for attention. She would have to explain to them that there was a bigger emergency that had to be dealt with before they could be seen.

Davina, the charge nurse, was assembling her troops and assigning them to teams. Kitty saw Mike arrive, tying his apron over his scrubs. She hadn’t seen him since she’d walked out three days ago. Hadn’t worked with him, hadn’t taken his calls. She’d replied to his messages but that had been all she’d been capable of. She hadn’t felt ready for another discussion that would more than likely end in another argument. She needed to have her argument prepared.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she wasn’t assigned to Mike’s team. She had no idea if that had been deliberate on Davina’s part, she didn’t think anyone knew about what was going on, but she was grateful. She needed to focus and she didn’t need the distraction of worrying about what Mike may or may not be thinking.

‘The information I’ve got is that we have two burns victims coming in. Priority One. Mike, you take the first one, his injuries are more extensive and you’ve got the most experience. Anna,’ she said, nodding at the other doctor, ‘your team can take the other. We’ll triage any other patients on arrival,’ Davina finished as the first ambulance pulled in to the emergency bay.

Kitty pulled on a pair of disposable gloves and craned her neck as the ambulance doors opened, trying to see which paramedics were in attendance.

She couldn’t see Joe.

‘Young adult male. Unresponsive. Burns to his legs and arms.’ She heard the information being disseminated as the patient was wheeled past her but she was already turning away, turning back to the road, on the lookout for the next ambulance.

She waited nervously, hoping the next unit would bring Joe. When her parents had been killed in a car accident, and again when Jess had been diagnosed with cancer and throughout her treatment, Kitty had always been able to rely on him and she couldn’t imagine how she would cope if anything happened to him.

She shook her head, clearing her mind as another ambulance pulled in. Anna had her hand on the rear door and she swung it open. Kitty exhaled as Joe emerged from the back. Broad shoulders, long legs, spiky hair. Strong and solid. He reached for the stretcher, pulling it from the ambulance. He bent his head and she could see him talking to his patient. His voice would be calm, reassuring.

Kitty stepped closer as Joe’s partner slammed the driver’s door and came to help manoeuvre the stretcher.

Joe was filthy. His uniform was covered in black soot and Kitty could smell smoke, diesel fuel and burning rubber. The smell seemed to have permeated the clothes of the paramedics and the victim, but at least Joe appeared to be in one piece.

‘Hey! I thought I might find you here,’ he said as she fell into step alongside him.

‘You’re OK?’ she asked. When he nodded she glanced over his shoulder. ‘How many more are there?’

‘Only two seriously injured. The rest are smoke inhalation victims and assorted, non-life-threatening orthopaedic injuries.’

Kitty knew it could have been worse. Joe didn’t say anything in front of their patient but Kitty could hear in his voice and she’d seen the scene for herself. Two burns victims, no fatalities and some people suffering from smoke inhalation and a few fractures was a pretty good outcome. It could have been much worse. But their patient didn’t need to hear that.

‘This is Carlos, the bus driver, fifty-three years old, second-degree burns to his hands and arms. Smoke inhalation but airway not compromised.’

Kitty looked down at Carlos. He had a sheet pulled halfway up his chest covering his arms but she could see an ID badge on his shirt pocket and she could just make out the bus company logo. His shirt, like Joe’s, was blackened with soot, and he had an oxygen mask covering his nose and mouth but Kitty took that to be a precautionary measure given Joe’s summary.

As they pushed the stretcher through the hospital doors and into an exam room, Joe drew back the sheet that had been tented over Carlos’s forearms in an attempt to protect him from exposure to bacteria. His hands were bright pink, the skin blistered and hairless, and the burns extended halfway up his forearms. Someone had inserted an IV cannula into his elbow but no fluids had been connected. His transfer had been less than thirty minutes so there had been no urgency.

Kitty grabbed a slide board and prepared to transfer Carlos from the stretcher. She stood next to Joe and waited while Anna and the other paramedic carefully rolled Carlos. She and Joe slid the board under their patient.

‘On three.’ The transfer went smoothly and Joe and his partner stepped out of the way, removing their stretcher and leaving Kitty and Anna to get to work. With a wink in her direction, Joe was gone.

Kitty didn’t waste time. Anna was cutting Carlos’s shirt away as Kitty replaced his oxygen mask and attached monitors. She and Anna worked together well. She was an experienced ED doctor and Kitty liked working with her. She was methodical and didn’t miss much.

‘Carlos, I’m Dr Lewis. Kitty and I will look after you. Do you have any medical issues we need to be aware of? Any heart problems, diabetes? Anything like that?’

Carlos shook his head.

‘I’m just going to take your oxygen mask off to check your airway,’ Anna explained softly.

Kitty recorded Carlos’s heart rate, blood pressure and respiration rate while Anna did her examination. She replaced the oxygen mask with tubing once Anna was finished, looping it over his ears and sliding the pegs into his nose. She recorded his oxygen levels as Anna kept talking.

‘We need to replace your lost fluid and get these burns cleaned up. I’m going to give you something for the pain, OK?’

They worked quickly through their initial assessment, needing to get a handle on the extent of Carlos’s injuries. Some, like his burned skin, were obvious but damage to his lungs was less easy to spot and more likely to cause problems, although often not for a day or two. They had to prioritise.

Anna attached a bag of saline to the cannula in Carlos’s elbow to replace the fluids he’d lost while Kitty distracted him, asking questions about his family. ‘Is there anyone you want us to call?’

‘The paramedics called my wife. Someone is bringing her to the hospital, but can you tell me how the boy is?’ His voice was raspy and breathless. It sounded painful to talk and Kitty was sure she’d heard correctly. Boy?

She frowned. Was Carlos delirious? Her gaze flicked to the monitors. His temperature was raised but not excessively. ‘What boy?’

‘The one I pulled from the bus. Did he make it?’

Kitty realised he was talking about the other victim. Their first patient. ‘You pulled him out?’ The vision she’d watched on the television flashed back in her mind. The man dragging the other body from the bus. The standing man. The one who’d looked as if he’d been about to collapse only Joe had caught him just in time. That had been Carlos. ‘Is that when you got burnt?’

Carlos nodded and struggled to talk. To explain. ‘When the fire started it was just a bit of smoke. I stopped and told everyone to get off but the boy only got as far as me and said something about his bag. He ran back down the aisle before I could stop him. Then something exploded. The windows of the bus blew out and he got caught in the flames. I couldn’t leave him.’

Kitty glanced at Anna, communicating mutely. Carlos would be hailed a hero, which meant the hospital would be swarming with media. They would all want a piece of him.

In silent consultation they agreed to take their time treating him, giving him a chance to catch his breath, and then they’d see if he wanted to make a statement. There were lots of variables and it wasn’t Kitty’s place to comment on what he should do.

‘He was in a bad way. Do you know how he is?’ Carlos asked, oblivious to the silent exchange going on between Kitty and Anna. He appeared to be more concerned about the boy than himself.

‘He’s here,’ Kitty told him. ‘He was brought in just before you. He’s being looked after.’

‘So he’s alive?’

‘As far as I know,’ she said. She didn’t know what else she could tell Carlos. She didn’t have any more information and she wouldn’t be able to disclose anything she did know. She was sure that if the boy survived he’d want to thank Carlos personally. She hoped so.

Anna and Kitty worked slowly and meticulously. They washed the burnt skin on Carlos’s arms and hands and debrided the blisters, applying antibiotic cream before carefully separating his fingers and wrapping them individually.

‘Will your wife be able to manage at home with you?’ Kitty asked as she finished wrapping the last finger. ‘We will need to keep you here for a few hours, just to keep an eye on you, but then if your readings are all within normal limits you’ll be able to go home. You’ll need to have some follow-up appointments for your lungs, though, and we will also make you an appointment with the burns unit in a few days. It’s here in the hospital. Will someone be able to drive you here?’

‘My wife doesn’t drive.’

‘That’s OK,’ Kitty replied. ‘I’ll speak to your employer. They will have to arrange transport for you seeing as this was a workplace accident. Is that OK with you?’

Carlos nodded.

‘All right, let’s get you comfortable and then I’ll pop out and see if your wife is here yet.’

Kitty ducked into the staff kitchen for a break while Carlos had a few minutes with his wife. As all the other accident victims were being taken care of she decided she’d take the chance to top up her caffeine level. As she’d expected, the waiting room was now crowded with reporters all wanting to get an interview with Carlos, but she’d leave that decision to him. She skirted the waiting room and was just adding sugar to her coffee when Mike walked in.

He looked tired and Kitty was worried that things hadn’t gone smoothly. He had been treating the boy from the bus, the one Carlos had saved. Kitty hoped it hadn’t been in vain. She forgot that she’d barely spoken to him since their argument. At work things were different. She could put her personal issues aside. She’d learnt to compartmentalise her life and, in fact, the hospital often provided an escape. For the most part, no matter how bad things were in her own life, work was a constant reminder that she wasn’t the only one suffering. On a couple of occasions she had felt that her life sucked more than her patients’, but she always found work to be a good distraction. Right now, her disagreement with Mike was minor compared to their day so far. Things weren’t so bad that she couldn’t reach out to him.

‘How did it go?’

‘He’s alive but he has burns to about thirty per cent of his body and to his airway. He’s been transferred to the burns unit.’ He ran his hands through his hair. ‘All because he left his laptop behind.’ He shook his head. It sounded ridiculous but Kitty guessed the boy hadn’t stopped to think about the consequences. Hadn’t thought about the risks. And now it was too late. What’s done was done. She knew better than most that there was no going back. The past couldn’t be changed no matter how much you might wish it.

Mike filled a glass from the water cooler. ‘When are you coming home?’ he asked over his shoulder.

‘That depends,’ she said, knowing she wasn’t telling the truth. She didn’t think she would be going back. ‘Have you changed your mind about my plans?’

‘No.’

Which meant he assumed she’d changed her mind.

‘Well, I haven’t either,’ she said.

His voice was quiet, his tone not malicious, but he sounded very definite as he said, ‘I’m not going to be a cuckold in my own house.’

That was part of the problem. Even though she’d moved in with him after six months and had now been living with him for five, it was still his house. Not theirs. He still held all the cards, still had all the control.

‘It’s hardly the same thing,’ she argued.

‘It is to me,’ he said as he drained his glass. ‘You will be pregnant with another man’s baby.’

‘But surely you can understand my reasons?’

He was shaking his head. ‘I can’t imagine what could possibly make you want to do this. Jess has other options.’

‘But she’s my sister!’ That was another part of the problem. He really didn’t get her need for family. He didn’t get her desperate desire to hold onto what was left of it.

‘IVF isn’t an option,’ Kitty said, even though Mike knew that. Jess had been diagnosed with uterine cancer three years ago and after harvesting and storing her eggs she’d had a total hysterectomy, meaning that the simplest option was not an option. ‘That leaves adoption or surrogacy. They’re not likely to be approved for adoption given Jess’s medical history, and finding someone else to offer to be a surrogate could take months—years even.’

Surrogacy in Australia was heavily legislated. Each state had its own laws and although New South Wales was a bit more lenient than other parts of the country, surrogate mothers couldn’t be paid. They could be reimbursed for their medical costs but couldn’t benefit financially, which meant that would-be parents needed to find someone who would do it out of the kindness of their hearts. It wasn’t like asking someone to mind your pets while you went on a holiday—you were asking someone to lend you their body for forty weeks or more. Asking someone to subject themselves to tests and procedures to fulfil your own dreams. It wasn’t easy.

Kitty closed her eyes and pictured Jess holding a baby. Her baby.

She opened her eyes and looked at Mike.

Those was her choices. Mike or her sister’s baby.

‘You can’t be their only solution,’ he said.

‘Maybe not,’ she replied. ‘But I am their best one.’

Mike’s pager beeped and he pulled it from his waistband to read the message. He glanced up and Kitty knew he was about to leave, but she also knew he’d want the last word. True to form he said, ‘If you want to do this you’ll have to do it without any help from me.’

He didn’t wait for a reply before he turned and left the room.

Kitty stood still for a moment, trying to figure out what had just happened. She thought about what she was doing. What she was giving up. Why was her sister’s happiness more important than her own?

Jess’s happiness would be shared by Kitty. If she could give her sister an opportunity to have a family then, by association, she would benefit too—she’d be giving herself more family. She did want a family of her own one day but she knew Mike wasn’t the man she would do that with. She had to believe her time would come, and meanwhile she’d do what she could. So she would grant Jess’s wish. That would bring her happiness too. Being a surrogate meant giving up Mike but it was a sacrifice Kitty was willing to make.

She was still standing in the centre of the room when Joe walked in.

‘Is everything OK?’ he asked. He’d changed into a clean uniform and washed his face. He looked good in his uniform. The blue suited him, brought out the colour of his eyes, but it was more than that. It was the air of responsibility it gave him. He wore it well. He looked strong, capable and dependable. All the things she knew him to be were accentuated by the uniform. ‘Rough day?’

She shook her head. ‘No worse than usual. I was just thinking...’

Joe grinned. ‘Should I be worried?’

She laughed. She hadn’t realised she’d felt like laughing but Joe could always lift her spirits. ‘Maybe,’ she replied.

‘What’s going on?’

‘You just missed Mike.’

‘And?’ He hesitated before asking, ‘You’re not thinking of moving back in?’

Kitty shook her head. ‘No. But we had another discussion about the surrogacy. I wasn’t prepared for it and I know I didn’t handle it all that well, but he’s still making it all about him.’ Like always, she nearly added but she stopped herself, realising that was unfair. At work Mike was single-minded, putting his patients’ needs first. He was focussed and dedicated—maybe all that effort at work made him think he deserved to be at the top of his own list of priorities away from work too, but sometimes she wished she felt as important to him as he felt to himself. ‘This isn’t about him,’ she continued. ‘It’s not even about me. It’s about Jess and Cam. Why can’t he see that?’

Joe raised an eyebrow. ‘You really want to hear my answer to that question?’

‘No, I guess not.’ Kitty managed a half-smile. ‘But I’m tired of feeling like my opinions don’t matter.’

‘So what next?’

‘I need to talk to Jess and Cam.’

‘You’re doing this?’

‘I am.’ She smiled. She’d made a decision and it felt good. She knew it was the right one. She hated being alone but she was willing to sacrifice her relationship with Mike in order to give her sister a baby. Family was more important to her than anything. She’d lost so many members of her family already. First her baby sister had died when Kitty had been just five years old and then, fourteen years later, both her parents had gone too. To offer Jess and Cam the baby they longed for would help to compensate for everything and everyone they’d already lost. ‘Provided Jess and Cam agree.’

‘I can’t imagine they won’t.’

‘No.’ Her smile widened. ‘It’s perfect. My family needs something good to look forward to, something positive, after everything that has happened.’ She needed it too. ‘I’ll go and see them after work today and then I need to find a new place to live.’

‘You know you’re welcome to stay with me for as long as you need to.’

‘Thanks, but I can’t put you out of your bed.’ Joe had already spent the past couple of nights on his couch, giving up his bed for Kitty, but that wasn’t a long-term solution. ‘You said yourself I needed a more permanent plan. I’ll figure something out.’

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