A Forever Family: Their Christmas Delivery

‘Crash course,’ Jane said. ‘If the baby’s crying, she either wants feeding, a nappy change or a cuddle. Sing to her, rock her, hold her, dance with her—obviously I mean more like a slow dance than break-dancing.’

That made Amy smile. ‘I don’t think I can break-dance on my own, let alone with a baby in my arms.’

Jane grinned back. ‘I guess. OK. Make the feeds in batches that’ll be enough for a day’s worth and keep them in the fridge, so all you have to do in the middle of the night is heat up the milk in a jug of hot water. Keep a note of the baby’s feed times and how much she takes, and write down when she sleeps and how long. That’ll help you see what her routine is. And obviously try to get some sleep when Hope sleeps, or you’ll be exhausted by Boxing Day.’ She scribbled down a phone number. ‘If you’re stuck, that’s my mobile.’

‘You’re on duty over Christmas?’

‘No,’ Jane admitted, ‘but without you I wouldn’t know what to do with Hope, so I’m happy for you to call me if you need me.’

‘Thanks,’ Amy said.

‘Good luck.’

And then she was on her own with the baby again. She just about had time to make up the Moses basket with the bedding, sterilise the bottles Jane had brought and make up the feeds before Hope woke, crying.

Amy could definitely tell the reason for this one: Hope needed a fresh nappy.

And then the baby was hungry.

And then she wanted a cuddle.

Time was rushing away. Amy knew that Josh would be back soon, and she hadn’t even looked at the inside of her fridge, let alone started preparing something to eat.

‘I’m supposed to be cooking dinner tonight,’ Amy told the baby. Even if the shops hadn’t closed early for Christmas Eve, she wouldn’t have been able to go out and pick up a pizza in any case because she couldn’t leave the baby alone. It was hardly fair to ask Josh to get a takeaway on the way back from his shift. ‘We’re going to have to go for something that can look after itself in the oven.’

The baby gurgled.

‘You have no idea how weird this is,’ Amy said. ‘Josh and I smile and nod at each other if we pass in the hallway, and that’s it. And now he’s having dinner with me tonight and helping me look after you.’

No comment from Hope.

‘But it’s not a date,’ Amy added. ‘OK, so we’re both single. But my past is messy and my future would be problematic for anyone who wants to date me. In fact, I’m just rubbish at picking men. Gavin was a liar and a cheat, and when it came to a crisis Michael walked away because I wasn’t enough for him. So I’m better off forgetting all about romantic relationships.’

Though maybe looking after Hope might help her finally come to terms with the fact that she wasn’t going to have a child of her own. To the point where she could reconnect with her friends—OK, she’d have a bit of grovelling to do, but she had a feeling that they’d understand when she explained why she’d gone distant on them. She could enjoy babysitting her friends’ children and reading stories to them, and hopefully the joy would outweigh the ache in her heart.

‘Besides, there’s no reason why Josh should be interested in me,’ she added. She’d felt that frisson of attraction when they’d accidentally touched while caring for the baby earlier, but she had no idea whether it was mutual. ‘We might become friends. Which would be nice. But that’s it,’ she said firmly.

Hope gurgled then, as if to say, ‘How do you know what he thinks?’

She didn’t. But she did need his help, so she had no intention of doing or saying anything that might make him back away. ‘It’s just the way it is,’ she said. ‘And you, Missy, are going to have to go in the Moses basket for a few minutes, to let me put something together for dinner.’

In the end, Amy had to wait for Hope to fall asleep again. And then she worked at speed to peel and chop the veg, then put them in a casserole dish with a couple of chicken breasts and half a bottle of red wine.

By the time she’d finished, Hope was crying again. Amy suppressed a sigh and went through her mental checklist. Was the baby hungry, wet or just wanted a cuddle? And why was it so hard to work out which cry meant which?

* * *

Josh headed back to his flat after his shift. Right now all he wanted to do was to fall onto the sofa and watch something on TV that didn’t require him to think too much. He was bone-deep tired, and wished he hadn’t offered to help with the baby; but he had a feeling that Amy had only agreed to look after the baby because he’d promised to help. It would be pretty unfair of him to bail out on her now.

And she was cooking dinner for both of them. She hadn’t said anything about dessert, but he didn’t exactly have anything in his fridge that would pass muster. A bottle of wine was the best he could offer as his contribution.

He’d told her he’d be back for half-past eight—and it was twenty-five past now, so he didn’t have time for a shower. He was pretty sure he wasn’t sweaty and vile, and his hair had a mind of its own anyway, so it would be sticking out at odd angles within five minutes of him putting a comb through it. No point in wasting time.

Besides, this wasn’t a date. It wasn’t as if he had to dress up, or was trying to impress her by being smooth, suave and charming. Amy was his neighbour and he was simply helping with the baby who’d been abandoned on their doorstep.

At Christmas.

Not that you’d know it was Christmas, looking at his flat. It was even less Christmassy than Amy’s was, because he hadn’t even bothered putting any cards on the mantelpiece. He wondered if she loathed Christmas as much as he did. For him, Christmas Eve would always be the anniversary of the day his life imploded. When Kelly—who had been so adamant that she wanted to concentrate on her career rather than starting a family—had told him that she was pregnant. That the baby wasn’t his. And that she was leaving him for the baby’s father.

Josh had been too numb to believe it at first. But while he’d been saving lives and patching up wounds, Kelly had been packing her stuff, ready to leave him. Though in some ways she’d been fair. She’d been scrupulous only to pack things that were hers and to give him first dibs on anything they’d bought together; and she’d actually asked him to divorce her on the grounds of adultery rather than trying to make out that it was his fault or from joint ‘irreconcilable differences’. She’d done as much as she could to make it easy on him.

Happy Christmas. Indeed. Every single radio station had been playing Christmas heartbreak songs, and when the third station in a row had been playing a song about a man pleading with his beloved to come home for Christmas, Josh had given up and switched off the radio—because he knew that Kelly wasn’t coming home to him. Not for Christmas or at any other time.

He shook himself. It wasn’t Amy’s fault that his ex had changed her mind about wanting a baby and then decided that she didn’t want to have said baby with him.

And it definitely wasn’t Amy’s fault that his family had reacted in typical Farnham fashion. Josh, the baby of the family, was a big fat failure. He was the only one who hadn’t managed to combine a high-flying career with a perfect marriage and family. Obviously they hadn’t actually said the words to his face, but Josh was aware of it with every look, every raised eyebrow, every whispered aside that was cut short the second he walked into the room.

This year, Kelly would be spending her first Christmas with her new family. Including the new baby.

And Josh genuinely wanted her to be happy. Now he’d got most of the hurt and anger out of his system, he could see that he hadn’t been what Kelly had needed. If she’d stayed with him out of a sense of duty, she would’ve grown to hate him and it would all have grown miserable and messy. As it was, their divorce had been as amicable as possible. They’d sold the house and split the proceeds, and he’d bought the flat here six months ago.

But part of him was still in limbo.

And he really wanted to blot out Christmas Eve.

Except he couldn’t. He’d made a promise, and he needed to keep it. He took a deep breath and went down the corridor to Amy’s flat, then knocked on the door.

She opened it, looking slightly harassed, with Hope propped up against her shoulder. Clearly looking after the baby on her own had been hard going.

He suppressed the flush of guilt—he’d spent the last nine hours working his shift at the Emergency Department, not down at the pub taking part in several Christmas parties—and handed her the bottle of wine. ‘I didn’t know if you preferred red or white, so I played it safe.’

‘Thank you. It’s very nice of you, but you didn’t need to.’

‘You cooked dinner, so this is my contribution,’ he pointed out. ‘Something smells nice.’

‘It’s not very exciting, I’m afraid. Just a casserole and jacket potatoes, and all the veg are mixed in with the casserole.’

But it meant that he hadn’t had to cook. ‘It sounds lovely.’

‘It was the lowest-maintenance thing I could think of,’ she admitted wryly. ‘Looking after Hope took an awful lot more time and energy than I expected.’

Yes, and if things had been different he would’ve been celebrating his first Christmas with his daughter—except his ex-wife’s baby wasn’t actually his daughter. He pushed the thought away. ‘So I hear from my colleagues.’ And this was his cue to play nice. Amy’s brown eyes were so anxious, despite the calm she appeared to radiate. ‘Here. My turn to cuddle Hope and keep her happy for a bit.’

And that was definitely gratitude in her eyes as she handed the baby over.

Though her hands brushed against his as they transferred the baby between them, and a frisson of desire flickered down his spine.

Inappropriate. Amy was his neighbour, and he was helping out with a tricky situation. That was it, he reminded himself. He wasn’t going to hit on her and he wasn’t going to let himself wonder how soft her hair was, or how her skin would feel against his.

‘Can I get you a drink?’ she asked.

‘A glass of wine would be lovely right now,’ he admitted. And it might distract him from all the ridiculous thoughts flickering through his head. Thoughts about how Amy’s mouth was a perfect Cupid’s bow, and wondering what it would feel like if he kissed her.

‘Hard shift?’

He shrugged. ‘It’s always busy this time of year. Ignoring all the viruses and the elderly coming in with breathing problems, there are the falls—especially when it’s icy like it has been tonight. And tonight the department will be full of people who drank too much at Christmas Eve parties and either ended up in a fight or fell and hurt themselves.’ He gave her a wry smile. ‘Tomorrow will be the people who had an accident carving the turkey, and a few more punch-ups because people who really shouldn’t be in the same room together for more than ten minutes are forced to play nice for the whole day and it’s too much for them, and the day after that will be the people who didn’t store the leftover turkey properly and gave themselves food poisoning.’

‘That,’ she said, ‘sounds a tiny bit cynical.’

‘Experience,’ he said, and grimaced. ‘Sorry. I guess I’m a bit tired and not the best company.’

‘It’s fine.’ She handed him a glass of wine. ‘Come and sit down. Dinner will be five minutes.’

He went into the living room and blinked in surprise. ‘You have a tree.’

She smiled. ‘Yes—and you wouldn’t believe how long it took me to put it up.’

‘But you didn’t have a tree this morning.’

‘That’s because I wasn’t intending to be here for Christmas,’ she said. ‘I was meant to be spending this week in Edinburgh with some of my oldest friends, but they rang yesterday to call it off because they’ve gone down with the flu.’ Amy shrugged. ‘There didn’t seem much point in putting up a tree when I wasn’t going to be here. But now I am, and it’s Hope’s first Christmas.’ Her fair skin flushed. ‘It might sound a bit daft, but I wanted to put up a tree for her.’

‘No, it’s not daft. I get what you mean.’ Josh paused. ‘So the lack of a tree earlier wasn’t because you don’t like Christmas?’

‘No.’ She frowned. ‘I take it you don’t like Christmas, then?’

‘It’s not my favourite time of the year,’ he admitted, and was relieved when she didn’t push it and ask why. Though his mouth didn’t seem to want to pay her the same courtesy, because he found himself asking questions. ‘So you’re not spending Christmas with your family?’

Amy shook her head. ‘My brother lives in Canada, so my parents spend alternate Christmases here and over in Canada.’

‘And this year is Canada’s turn, right?’

‘Right,’ she agreed.

‘So luckily for Hope that means you’re here.’

‘Yes.’ Her expression was sombre when she looked at him. ‘Things could have been very different.’

‘But you found her in time.’ He paused. ‘Is there anything I can do to help?’

‘I’m about to serve dinner, so if you want to settle Hope in her Moses basket, that’d be good.’

While Amy went to the kitchen, Josh put the baby in the Moses basket. Hope grizzled for a moment and then yawned and fell asleep.

Having dinner with Amy felt weirdly intimate. Like a date—though Josh couldn’t even remember the last time he’d dated. He’d had a couple of offers that he’d turned down, and some well-meaning friends had tried to match-make, but he’d taken them to one side and explained that he appreciated their effort but he wasn’t ready to date again.

Was he ready now?

And why on earth was he thinking about that?

‘The food’s very nice,’ he said, to cover his awkwardness.

‘Thank you.’

He didn’t have a clue what to talk about, and it made him feel slightly flustered. He was used to making polite conversation to distract his patients or get more information out of them, or being out with colleagues that he’d known for so long that he didn’t have to make small talk. This was definitely outside his comfort zone. Especially as he was becoming more and more aware of how attractive Amy was: not just those huge brown eyes, but the curve of her mouth, her pretty heart-shaped face and the slight curl to her bobbed hair. It made him itch to draw her, and he hadn’t felt that urge for a long time either.

‘So how long have you lived here?’ he asked, trying to get his thoughts back to something much more anodyne and much, much safer.

‘Eighteen months. You moved here last summer, didn’t you?’ she replied.

‘Yes. It’s convenient for the hospital, just a fifteen-minute walk.’

‘It’s about that to school, too,’ she said. ‘Just in the other direction.’

He remembered that she taught maths. ‘Did you always want to teach?’

‘I didn’t want to be an accountant, an engineer or an actuary, so teaching was my best bet for working with maths—and actually it’s really rewarding when the kids have been struggling with something and it suddenly clicks for them.’ She smiled. ‘Did you always want to be a doctor?’

‘It was pretty much expected of me—Dad’s a surgeon, Mum’s a lawyer, my brother Stuart’s an astrophysicist and my sisters are both lecturers.’ He shrugged. ‘One teaches history at Oxford and the other’s in London at the LSE.’

‘A family of high achievers, then.’

Yes. And he hadn’t quite lived up to their expectations. He’d suggested becoming a graphic designer and going to art college instead of studying for his A levels, and the resulting row had left him very aware that he’d been expected to follow in his parents’ and siblings’ footsteps. In the end he’d settled on medicine; at least there’d been a little bit of drawing involved. And he liked his job. He liked being able to make a difference to people’s lives. And he could still sketch if he wanted to.

When he had the time.

Which wasn’t often.

Pushing the thought away, he asked, ‘Have you heard anything from the police?’

‘Not yet. Though Jane the social worker came round with supplies this afternoon.’

‘So I notice. That Moses basket looks a little more comfy than a bunch of newspaper and a cardboard box.’ His smile faded. ‘That poor girl. I hope she’s all right.’

‘Me, too. And looking after a baby is a lot harder than I expected,’ Amy admitted. ‘Now I know what they mean about being careful what you wish for.’

He stared at her in surprise. ‘You wanted a baby?’

She looked shocked, as if she hadn’t meant to admit that, then glanced away. ‘It didn’t work out.’

That explained some of her wariness this morning. And it was pretty obvious to him that the baby situation not working out was connected with her being single. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.’

‘I know. It’s OK.’ She shrugged. ‘There’s nothing anyone can do to change it, so you make the best of the situation, don’t you?’

‘I guess.’ It was what he’d been doing since Kelly had left him. They’d sold their house and he’d bought this flat; it was nearer to work and had no memories to haunt him with their might-have-beens. ‘In the circumstances, looking after Hope must be pretty tough for you.’

‘It’s probably been good for me,’ she said. ‘And it’s kind of helping me to move on.’ She bit her lip. ‘I’ve been a bit of a cow and neglected my friends who were pregnant at the time or had small children.’

He liked the fact that she wasn’t blaming anyone else for her actions. ‘That’s understandable if you’d only just found out that option was closed to you. You’re human.’

‘I guess.’

More than human. What he’d seen so far of Amy Howes told him that she was genuinely nice. ‘And you’re not a cow. If you were, you would’ve just told the police and the social worker to sort out the baby between them and pushed everyone out of your flat,’ he pointed out. ‘So did you ring any of your friends with small children to get some advice?’

‘No. I don’t want them to think I’m just using them. But I’m going to call them all in the first week of the New Year,’ she said, ‘and apologise to them properly. Then maybe I can be the honorary auntie they all wanted me to be in the first place and I was too—well, hurting too much to do it back then.’

‘That’s good,’ Josh said. He wondered if helping to look after Hope would help him move on, too. Right now, it didn’t feel like it; and if Amy had moved here eighteen months ago, that suggested she’d had a year longer to get used to her new circumstances than he had. Maybe his head would be sorted out by this time next year, then.

He almost told Amy about Kelly and the baby; but, then again, he didn’t want her to pity him, so he knew it would be safer to change the subject. ‘What did the social worker have to say?’

‘She gave me a very quick crash course in looking after a baby. She said if they cry it means they’re hungry, they need a fresh nappy or they just want a cuddle, though I can’t actually tell the difference between any of the different cries, yet,’ Amy said dryly. ‘Jane also told me to write down whenever Hope has milk and how much she takes, and her nap times, so I can work out what her routine is.’

‘Sounds good. How’s Hope doing so far?’

‘She likes a lot of cuddles and she definitely likes you talking to her. Hang on.’ She went over to the sideboard and took a notebook from the top, then handed it to him. ‘Here. You can see for yourself.’

He looked through the neat columns of handwriting. ‘I have to admit, it doesn’t mean that much to me,’ he said.

‘Tsk, and you an uncle of three,’ she teased.

‘One’s in Scotland and two are in Oxford,’ he explained. ‘I don’t see them as much as I should.’ It was another failing to chalk up to his list; and he felt guilty about it.

‘Hey, you’re a doctor. You don’t get a lot of spare time,’ she reminded him.

‘I know, but I ought to make more of an effort.’

‘It’s not always easy. I don’t see much of my brother.’

‘He’s in Canada, thousands of miles away,’ Josh pointed out. ‘And I bet you video-call him.’

She nodded.

‘Well, then.’ Amy was clearly a good sister. Just as Josh wasn’t a particularly good brother. When was the last time he’d talked to Stuart, Miranda or Rosemary? He’d used his shifts as an excuse to avoid them.

‘I guess,’ she said, looking awkward. ‘Can I offer you some pudding? It’s nothing exciting, just ice cream.’

‘Ice cream is the best pudding in the universe,’ he said. ‘Provided it’s chocolate.’

‘Oh, please,’ she said, looking pained. ‘Coffee. Every single time.’

He wasn’t a fan of coffee ice cream. But he wasn’t going to argue with someone who’d been kind enough to make him dinner. ‘Coffee’s fine,’ he fibbed. ‘And I’ll wash up.’

‘That’s not fair.’

‘You cooked.’

‘But you were at work all day.’

He coughed. ‘And you’ve spent hours on your own looking after a baby—that’s hard work, even if you’re used to it.’ Then he flinched, realising what he’d said and how it sounded. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean it to come out like that.’

‘It’s OK,’ she said softly. ‘I know you didn’t mean it like that.’

But the sadness was back in her eyes. Part of him really wanted to give her a hug.

Though that might not be such a good idea. Not when he still felt that pull towards her. He needed to start thinking of her as an extra sister or something. A sister-in-law. Someone off limits. ‘Let’s share the washing up,’ he said instead.

Though being in a small space with her felt even more intimate than eating at her bistro table.

‘So what do you usually do on Christmas Eve?’ he asked, trying to make small talk.

‘Last year, I had my parents staying—and I guess I was busy convincing them that I was absolutely fine and settled here.’

‘Were you really absolutely fine?’ he asked quietly. Back then she’d been here for six months—exactly the same position that he was in now.

‘Not really,’ she admitted, ‘but I am now.’ She paused. ‘I heard a couple of months back that my ex got married and he’s expecting a baby.’

‘The hardest bit is trying to be happy for them when you’re feeling miserable yourself.’

Her eyes widened. ‘That sounds like experience talking.’

He nodded. And funny how easy it was to talk to her, now he’d started. ‘I split up with my wife last Christmas Eve.’

She winced. ‘There’s never a good time to break up with someone, but Christmas has to be one of the roughest. And the first anniversary’s always a difficult one.’ She squeezed his hand briefly, but it didn’t feel like pity—more like sympathy and as if she’d been there herself, which he knew she had. ‘If it helps to know, it does get easier. I know everyone says that time heals. I’m not sure it does that exactly, but it does help you deal with things a bit better.’

‘I’m not still in love with Kelly,’ he said. ‘I want her to be happy. And I’m OK now about the fact it isn’t going to be with me.’

‘That’s good. It’s the same way I feel about Michael.’

It felt as if there was some subtext going on, but Josh didn’t trust his emotional intelligence enough to try to work it out.

She shook coffee grounds into a cafetière. ‘Milk? Sugar?’

‘Black, no sugar, please,’ he said.

‘Because you’re a medic and you’re used to grabbing coffee as quickly as you can?’ she asked.

‘No. It’s a hangover from my student days,’ he said with a smile. ‘I shared a flat with some guys who weren’t that good with checking that the milk was in date. The third time you make your coffee with milk that’s off, you learn it’s safer to drink your coffee black.’

She smiled back. ‘I knew a few people like that in my student days, too.’

It was so easy to be with Amy, Josh thought. And it felt natural to curl up on the other end of her sofa, nursing a mug of coffee and listening to music while the baby was napping in the Moses basket.

‘So what do you usually do at Christmas?’ she asked.

‘Work,’ he said. ‘It feels fairer to let my colleagues who have kids spend Christmas morning with their family.’

‘That’s nice of you.’