Summer Loving

When he lowered his hand, Ava reached for it. He focused on her, his heart thumping now to a different beat, the hard pounding of want, of the selfish need to forget the last ten minutes. To go back and suspend time at the exact moment he’d woken up in Ava’s arms.

But questions flooded her eyes—questions she’d grown so tired of asking but had never diminished nonetheless. What had she asked him? What was wrong? As if he’d spoken aloud, she nodded. ‘Tell me,’ she demanded firmly.

He tried to speak but the words wouldn’t form. To speak would be to condemn him to hell for ever. But he’d known as he’d torn himself from Ava’s warmth this morning and seen the missed call from Celine that he’d run out of time.

His hand tightened around hers and he led her to the living room and urged her down onto the sofa. He paced, yearning with everything inside him not to have to shatter her peace. She watched him, her expectant gaze gradually turning into a frown.

‘For God’s sake, whatever it is, just spit it out. Please,’ she added, her plump lips trembling before she firmed them. ‘You’re scaring me with that bringer-of-the-Apocalypse look.’

Sucking in a breath, he sank down next to her. Immediately her evocative scent filled his nostrils. The urge to remain silent, to breathe it in and just drown in her heady essence almost overcame him. He suppressed a grimace.

He clasped his hands to stop their shaking. ‘Celine called this morning but I missed it. I called her back ten minutes ago.’

The fear that entered her eyes chilled his heart. ‘And?’

‘She had the results. Roberto died from Late Onset Tay-Sachs syndrome.’

A shake of her head. ‘I’ve never heard of it.’

‘It’s not a common condition. According to Celine, it is almost always misdiagnosed. Most people only know about it when it affects them.’

‘Is it...did Roberto suffer?’ she asked in a pained whisper.

His breath shuddered through his chest. ‘Sì. It’s a horrible disease.’

When she put her hand on his cheek, he nearly lost it. He greedily absorbed the touch because he knew it would be gone soon, once she knew the whole truth.

‘I’m so sorry, Cesare. For you and for what Roberto went through.’

‘Save your sympathy, cara. I don’t deserve it.’

Her fingers trembled against his cheek. ‘Why would you say that?’

‘Because the condition...it doesn’t begin and end with Roberto. It’s a genetic defect that is passed down from parent to child.’

Her eyes remained blank, then slowly widened, filling with horror as the implications of his words finally sank in. Her hand dropped like a stone and she paled, the freckles dusted along her cheeks standing out against milk-white skin.

With everything inside, he wanted to take the pain away.

Ava fought to breathe. Moments ago, she’d been harbouring hope that they were about to discuss how to find their way back to each other.

Instead, he’d dropped this...this...

‘Are you saying...that...you and Annabelle both have this gene?’ The words scoured her throat.

Pain ripped across his face. ‘Yes. I passed it to her. You called me bringer-of-the-Apocalypse. You were right.’

‘But...she’s perfectly healthy. Other than the odd cold, and what she suffered with the earthquake, she’s never been sick a day in her life. And you’re not sick either.’

‘No, I’m...not.’

Something in his response caught her attention. ‘Cesare, what aren’t you telling me?’

His glance held a wealth of pain that made her heart lurch. ‘Because both my parents carry the gene, what happened to Roberto could happen to me.’

‘Did your parents know?’

‘I’d like to think they wouldn’t deliberately keep something like this from Roberto and me. I saw what losing him did to my mother. I’m guessing they don’t know. Like I said, most people don’t know they have it until they fall ill.’

For one blazing second she was fiercely glad his parents had been ignorant because they’d not only brought Cesare into her life, they’d also given her Annabelle. Then a thought trickled through, further chilling her blood.

‘So what are the repercussions for Annabelle?’

His eyes took on a haunted look that stilled her heart. ‘It could remain dormant all her life, or...the gene could mutate and she could develop complications,’ he replied starkly.

A dark sound tore from her throat. Horror built, overcoming every other emotion as her insides screamed with disbelief at what he was telling her. Her daughter, her lovely daughter who had survived an earthquake, susceptible to a potentially life-threatening disease...

‘Did you suspect something like this? Is that why you kept Roberto’s illness from me?’ The thought made her heart crack with pain. ‘How long had he been seriously sick?’

‘He’d been deteriorating for a year. It worsened in the last six months.’

Shock made her draw back, tears swiftly following as emotions tumbled through her. ‘You knew all that, knew that something was very wrong and you kept it from me?’

He tried to reach for her. ‘These were all second-hand reports. I didn’t know just how bad he was. And I wanted to protect you—’

‘Don’t you dare say you were trying to protect me! You had no right to keep such a thing from me. What if Annabelle had fallen sick and I didn’t know what was wrong?’ Terror clutched her heart. ‘Dear God, Cesare, what if she’d...’ She couldn’t voice the words. When he gripped her arms, she didn’t move because she couldn’t find the strength. Her insides felt numb and the horrific reality gripped her.

‘Don’t think like that.’

Slowly she raised her head. ‘Why not? It’s what you’ve been doing. At least now I understand the look you get when you look at Annabelle. You’ve been expecting the worst, haven’t you?’

Cesare paled even more and the lines around his mouth compressed. ‘I needed to be sure. It was why I postponed coming back to Bali. Roberto refused my attempts to see him. But six weeks ago, just before we left for Bali, he asked for me.’ He sucked in a shuddering breath. ‘He’d taken a turn for the worse. I think deep down he knew he wasn’t going to make it. When I found out the extent of his illness, I contacted Celine. She tried to make him see a specialist but he refused. It was almost as if he’d given up...which was why we suspected suicide.’

‘Oh God...’ A strangled sob emerged.

His hands tightened on her arms. ‘Cara, I’m sorry—’

She wrenched away from him. ‘You shouldn’t have kept all this from me, Cesare.’

He gave a grim nod. ‘I regret that. But I wanted to spare you the pain.’

‘You had no right to shoulder this alone. We were thousands of miles away. What if something had happened to you?’ The thought brought a fresh bolt of horror.

‘Nothing did. You had enough to deal with after the earthquake. I was not going to add to your distress.’

‘That should’ve been my choice to make.’

Regret bit into his features. ‘I told you, when it comes to you I seem to specialize in making bad situations worse.’

Her daughter—her precious baby girl—had a condition she’d never even known about. A deep shudder wracked her body. She tried to still her trembling but it got worse. A quick glance showed Cesare was caught in his own personal hell.

‘Umm...the Apocalypse thing...I didn’t mean it,’ she muttered through stiff lips.

He gave a raw, pained laugh. ‘But you were right.’ He lifted a hand as if to touch her, then dropped it back down. ‘Roberto shut himself off in Switzerland because of me. He suffered...alone for a long time because I didn’t know how to reach him.’

Ava sucked in a breath. ‘No. He shut himself off because he lost the love of his life, and decided to deal with it his way,’ she said but Cesare wasn’t listening.

‘I keep thinking if I hadn’t met Valentina in New York, hadn’t given her a job, Roberto would’ve known some happiness...had the family he wanted.’

‘Unless you have a direct dial to Fate, I think you can let go of that one. Some things you can control but sometimes things just happen.’

‘The earthquake—’

‘Just happened.’

‘Dio, Ava, our daughter shouldn’t have been there in the first place. You saw that marketplace in Bali. How could I not think she had been taken from us as payback for what I did to my brother?’

‘You can choose to live in guilt for the rest of your life or you can choose to believe that ultimately you weren’t responsible for Roberto. Even though you weren’t close, you tried to look out for him. You took the woman he loved under your wing and tried to help, even when he blamed you for what happened in New York. I think you need to give yourself a break for that.’

He digested that for a while but, even though the pain in his face abated a little, his eyes remained haunted.

‘As for Annabelle, she wasn’t taken from us. We found her,’ she added.

Another harsh laugh. ‘Yeah, we did. And look what I’ve delivered to her fragile life. You have to face the fact that I’m bad for you, I have been since the moment we met. But...’ He shoved a hand through his hair.

‘But...? You’re going to walk away again?’

‘No!’ He lifted his gaze, and Ava’s heart stopped at the gut-wrenching bleakness in his eyes. ‘I can’t. Annabelle is my flesh and blood, the most important thing in my life.’

Ava’s gut tightened until she couldn’t breathe. ‘And since I’ve made us a package deal you’re stuck with me too, right?’

‘I didn’t say that—’ He surged up beside her as she stood. ‘Where are you going?’

She shoved a hand through her hair, unable to stop the terror churning through her belly. ‘I can’t stay here—’

‘You can’t leave!’ He grabbed her arms. ‘We haven’t finished talking.’

‘Why? Is there another bombshell you’re going to hit me with?’

‘No, but we need to discuss what happens next and I—’

‘I...need some air. I have to think.’ His grip tightened. ‘Let me go.’

‘Ava, please. Stay.’

Her breath snagged in her lungs. ‘Why?’ Her question was soft because of the tears clogging her throat and because she didn’t dare to give life to the vain hope flaring inside. ‘Why do you want me to stay?’

Silence greeted her question. Then, ‘Because you are my wife. I made a vow to protect you and I believed I was doing the right thing by not burdening you with Roberto’s news.’

Pain ignited inside her. She barely managed to remain standing, so strong was the grief that wracked her. ‘You took other vows, too, Cesare. Or have you forgotten?’ The words scraped her throat.

‘They weren’t as important as your protection.’ An unfamiliar note altered his tone. Her heart hammered as she tried to read his expression. But his face remained inscrutable, his eyes a cool, impenetrable wall as he returned her stare.

‘No. I suppose to you they weren’t.’ Unable to withstand his gaze, she turned away. He didn’t stop her walking away.

All through her shower she felt numb. A part of her wanted to get into the first taxi, go and grab her daughter and hug her close. The other, more rational part of her knew she had to get her emotions under control before Annabelle returned. For her daughter’s sake, she knew the latter decision was best.

Dressed in white linen trousers and an aqua silk-trimmed cotton top, she caught her hair up in a bun and slipped the camera strap over her head.

When she entered the living room, Cesare stood exactly where she’d left him, but the tiny espresso cup in his hand showed he’d busied himself with other things. His face was devoid of expression as he gulped it in one smooth swallow, set the cup down and came towards her.

Ava backed away. ‘I...what time are your parents bringing Annabelle back?’

‘After lunch, but we can make it sooner or later. Just say the word.’

She shook her head. ‘After lunch is fine. I...I’ll make sure I’m back by then.’ She headed for the door, and stopped when he fell into step beside her.

‘What are you doing?’ she demanded.

‘I’m coming with you.’

‘No, you’re not. I told you, I need some air.’

‘There’s enough air out there for both of us, I’m sure.’

‘I meant alone.’

‘Out of the question. You’re reeling from the news I’ve laid at your feet. I recognize that, as the person who’s caused you pain, I’m the last person you want around you, but you’re my responsibility nonetheless.’

‘What? Suddenly your security detail isn’t up to the job?’

‘Why delegate when I’m in the position to do a better job?’

‘Now you choose to play the attentive husband?’

His jaw tightened. ‘I married you. I brought this chaos to your doorstep. And I’m damned if I’m going to abandon you now to deal with it alone. We deal with it together. And call me selfish, Ava, but I’m hoping staying with you will earn me your forgiveness quicker. And, who knows, if I manage to save you from being hit on by a mercenary local, then I may even gain some Brownie points.’

Her hand tightened around the camera. Looking at him, at the visible distress in his face, made the tightness in her chest loosen a little. ‘It’s not going to be that easy, Cesare. To be honest, I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now.’

He nodded. ‘Then we won’t talk. Just walk, sì?’ He moved past her and held the door open.

With a sigh, she went through it and waited while he called up the lift.

They walked for an hour without speaking, heading west instead of east where most of the popular Roman landmarks were located. Ava concentrated on documenting the local life.

But, even lost in the one thing she loved to do most aside from being a mother, she was hyper-aware of Cesare’s pain-ravaged presence beside her. The part of her that acknowledged he must be reeling wanted to offer comfort. But her own shock was too great to process.

He might have suggested they wouldn’t talk but she soon realised he had no intention of keeping his hands to himself—a hand in the small of her back to guide her across the street; around her waist to steer her clear of a group of excited tourists or a careless scooter, or a touch on her shoulder to draw her attention to a statue or a fresco he thought she might be interested in.

When the sun rose higher, he led her to a small local shop and bought her a wide straw hat, sun cream and a bottle of water.

Her breath caught as he squeezed a dollop of cream onto his fingers and applied it to her arms and face. When she lifted questioning eyes to his, his merely responded—I don’t want you to burn.

Ava could’ve told him it was too late. She was already burning in hell. His every gesture demonstrated his regret for having kept Roberto’s deterioration and death from her. Aside from that damning decision, everything else he’d done since had been to protect both her and Annabelle. Quietly, Ava had to concede that if she had been told so soon after nearly losing Annabelle in the earthquake, she wasn’t sure she would’ve withstood the blow.

Her thoughts scattered when Cesare’s arm slid around her shoulders. When she glanced at him, he nodded at a trattoria across the square overlooking the Tiber.

‘We skipped breakfast. And also I think it’s time to get out of the heat.’

Although she suspected she wouldn’t be able to hold down a single mouthful, she reluctantly nodded.

The owner broke into a smile and ushered them in the moment he recognized Cesare. After they were seated in a far corner of the cool trattoria, Cesare ordered cornetti, fruit and coffee, along with a selection of sliced Parma ham.

Once they were alone, he sat back and watched her with narrowed eyes.

‘I...haven’t forgotten that in all this you’ve also received a horrible shock,’ she said in a low voice. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Does that mean I’m not in Hades any more?’ he murmured.

She plucked the hat from her head and set it down on the spare chair along with her camera. ‘First of all, I want to know everything about this condition, and I mean everything. No protecting me from the unsavoury facts.’

‘I don’t want you to worry about—’

‘No, Cesare. I want to know everything!’

His lips firmed but he nodded. ‘Celine emailed me a report. I’ll forward it to you.’

‘Also, we have to tell Annabelle—’

‘No, she’s too young to understand.’

After a second she nodded. ‘Okay, but as soon as she’s old enough, we’ll tell her. I don’t want her kept in the dark.’

‘Sì, I agree.’ He met her surprised gaze with a mocking smile. ‘You see, I’m learning the error of my ways. Which brings me to another subject.’

‘What subject?’

‘Us,’ he stated baldly.

‘Did we not agree only a few nights ago that there was no us?’

‘I think in light of recent developments, we need to revise that view.’

‘Recent developments...you mean us having sex? That changes anything, how?’

His hands fisted until his knuckles turned white. ‘Are you saying it doesn’t?’

A dart of pain arrowed through her. ‘You said it yourself, Cesare—the sex has always been mind-blowing between us, but it doesn’t form the basis of a sound relationship, let alone marriage. I need more.’

His normally golden features paled. He opened his mouth but, before he could speak, their waiter approached, platters held high. Cesare’s gaze remained fixed on hers the whole time the owner fluttered around them in effusive Italian. After a minute, he fell into silence when he realised neither of them paid attention.

The second he left, Cesare rasped, ‘And if I’m unable to give you more?’

She shrugged. ‘I’ll do anything and everything to ensure Annabelle remains healthy and safe. Between us we can plan for one of us to always be with her. I’ll make sure that works for any future assignments. But when it comes to you and I, Cesare, unless something changes drastically between us other than the mind-blowing sex, I don’t see why we need to stay married. Do you?’

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