The streets were quiet, though some folks enjoyed a walk along the old cobblestone streets in the warming spring air. He stopped by a sidewalk bridge between two buildings that overlooked Casco Bay and stared out into the darkness. When Derek had died, he’d gone through the predictable stages of grief—anger at his brother for leaving him alone. And guilt. The horrible frustration and guilt he felt while he watched his parents suffer. No matter what he did, he couldn’t make it better.
He couldn’t make it better for Miranda, either, then or now. She’d left Portland after Derek’s death, and maybe some of those old ghosts were things she still had to work through now that she was home again, but he wasn’t going to be part of that. He had to be the one who stayed in control. When she thought things through, she would be glad he had walked away. Even though it was the last thing he’d wanted to do. It would have been so easy to give in, to sink into the willing flesh of her body, have all his fantasies become reality. But what was easy wasn’t always right.
“Dammit, Miranda.”
He pushed back from the rail and began walking to the car, his mind numb and his body still on fire. He needed a cold shower and some sleep. Maybe he’d wait a few days and then try to talk to her. He only made it a few steps when he heard a funny little squeaking sound and someone yelling. Suddenly, he saw two men on bikes barreling down on him, waving their hands frantically for Colin to get out of the way. They hit their brakes, and he watched their bikes wobble, but it was too late.
He moved to avoid them, but one biker unfortunately moved in the same direction he did. The impact was hard and sudden; he felt the sharp jab of the bike’s handles into his gut and then the heavy thud of a body as the man flew over the handles of the bike, crashing into him. Colin was pushed backward, flipping over the rail. Strangely, through the surge of pain and movement, he thought how odd it felt to be so completely out of control of his body for the second time that evening, tossed about as if he were weightless.
He grabbed desperately for the rail but only grasped darkness. The next sensation he felt was intense, bone-biting cold—and pain. He hit something hard, and it hurt. He saw Miranda’s face in his mind’s eye just as everything faded to black.
3
“I WANT TO SPEAK to Dr. Monroe, Travis Monroe. I want to see him now!” Miranda was nearly hysterical with fear, and was willing to walk directly over the emergency nurse and into the intensive care unit if she had to.
They had Colin. Travis had called her, and she had somehow made it to the hospital through her panic and tears. She had to see him, see that he was alive, before she would listen to anyone. She had to see for herself. God, it was all happening again. First with Derek, and now Colin. If they lost him how could she live with herself? Obviously he had been upset when he left. This was all her fault.
The nurse put gentle but firm hands on her shoulders, and Miranda braced herself to break way when she was distracted by footsteps running up behind her. Just at that moment, Travis turned a corner out into the hallway, his expression grave. She started to call to him but saw Colin’s mother dash past her, and over to Travis. Miranda broke away and quickly followed behind Colin’s dad and Penny.
The scene was sheer chaos. Travis put his hands up to stop the flow of questions that suddenly flooded the hall and herded them back toward the waiting room. Miranda looked at Joyce, Colin’s mom, and felt ashamed of her own lack of control. Joyce must be reliving the nightmare of losing Derek right now and that was much worse than her own panic. The older woman was drawn and pale and clearly needed to sit down. Miranda swallowed her fear and dropped back, trailing the group as they entered a small room.
Travis started to speak.
“First things first—you should all relax. Colin’s okay. We’re watching him carefully right now. He was mildly hypothermic and took a nasty bump, but his vitals are good and he didn’t sustain any serious internal injuries or broken bones, which is amazing in and of itself.”
Miranda felt relief well in her heart and tears filled her eyes. She glanced over in surprise when she felt a strong hand squeeze hers, and realized Colin’s dad, Ed, was holding her hand, his own face tense with worry. She nodded reassuringly at him, squeezing his hand back as Travis continued speaking.
“There is one thing, though. You need to know before you see him.”
“What? What is it?” Miranda spoke for the first time, and Travis’s eyes locked on hers.
“Well, this isn’t unusual with a serious fall, and it will likely clear itself up quickly, but—”
“Just spit it out, Travis!” Penny interrupted impatiently, and Travis slid her a look that made Miranda wince.
“He isn’t remembering everything at the moment. He knows he was in the water, but he doesn’t remember how he got there, how he was rescued, or the events leading up to the fall.” He surveyed their faces, gauging their reactions before he continued. “There could be other random memory loss, but we have to wait and see. Sometimes people will permanently lose their recollections of the events immediately prior to a traumatic experience and other times it comes back in stages. It’s confusing for him right now, so just go with it.”
Joyce’s voice quavered. “Will he know us?”
Travis squeezed her shoulder kindly. “I’m pretty sure he will. At least from what we could tell, it seems he’s lost a chunk of time, but not his memories of people. Especially those he’s closest to. Besides, who could forget your cooking?”
Miranda admired Travis’s professionalism, as well as his kindness. She had never seen him in his doctor role before and was very impressed. He was like an entirely different person. It was hard to believe this was the same carrot-topped, practical-joke-loving Travis they had all grown up with.
“We have to wait until he is fully awake and aware until we know the extent of his memory loss. And he may have some short-term memory problems in the coming days or weeks. That’s not unusual with amnesia, so don’t worry if he can’t remember a phone number, or something like that.”
They nodded. Ed guided Joyce over to a couch to sit down, leaving Travis, Penny and Miranda together.
Penny spoke, her wry voice cutting through the tension. “Travis, are you sure? Remember you told me my toe needed to be cut off when I stubbed it?” She reached over and flipped the end of Travis’s tie.
Travis’s expression was pained as he closed his eyes and shook his head. Leave it to Penny.
“I was twelve then, Pen.”
“Yeah, but still, you were way wrong.”
Miranda had to smile and wink at Penny. A little humor never hurt.
“When can we see him, Travis?”
“You can all go in to see him, one at a time, to put your minds at rest…but just for a minute. He needs to sleep this off. He’s pretty heavily sedated, too, so don’t expect much. Tomorrow he will be better.”
They nodded and proceeded to walk single file down the hallway behind Travis. Miranda caught up with Travis, relieved she could finally speak to him alone.
“You said he was in a bicycle accident. Was anyone else hurt?”
Travis stood by the emergency-room door, stepping to the side while Joyce went in to see Colin.
“The other guy was pretty banged up, has a decent concussion, but his friend managed to avoid the whole thing, which was a blessing. He had an emergency flare and a flashlight on his bike and managed to signal a nearby boat coming in for the night. If Colin had been in the water much longer, his chances would not have been good at all. Hypothermia sets in fast.”
Miranda sank against the wall, swallowing hard.
“I can’t even imagine how bad this must be for Ed and Joyce. They were supposed to leave on an anniversary cruise in two days. They are probably wrecks.”
Travis rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “I’ll talk to them when they come out. I can understand their panic, but it’s probably not necessary to cancel their trip. Col will feel banged up for a few days, and we’ll have to wait and see on the memory issues, but he’ll be up and around by tomorrow, and we’ll probably release him if he shows no other symptoms.”
Miranda considered telling Travis about their evening, wondering if it might help to trigger Colin’s memory, then she shut up. Everyone was going to think she was a bad-luck charm for the Jacobs brothers.
Joyce and Ed came back into the hallway appearing much more relaxed, and Travis smiled.
“He was awake? He knew you?”
“Oh, yes. Right away. Though he couldn’t say much. When will you be releasing him? He can come home and we’ll take care of him.”
“You know, Randi here tells me you two had a trip planned. As long as nothing else happens tonight or tomorrow—which it likely won’t—” he added at the sight of Joyce’s suddenly worried expression “—he’ll be fine to get up and go home after a day of observation. The best thing for him to do, and for his memory, is to get back to his normal life as soon as he feels up to it. With no major injuries, he’ll probably want to return to work and a normal routine.”
Joyce was doubtful. “Oh, I don’t know. I think he should…”
“Hey, now, you may be the best cookie-baker this side of the planet, but I’m the doctor, right? Just go home now, and relax. He’s fine. He’s lucky.”
Ed nodded and shook Travis’s hand before leaving. Miranda watched them, then turned to Travis.
“Do you mind if I go in for a moment? Alone?” She slid an apologetic look at Penny, who, with her hands, motioned her to go along.
“You go on in. I’m fine. I’ll see him tomorrow when I can talk with him more. There’s no point in tiring him out now.”
Miranda nodded and, with her heart in her throat, walked into the room, unsure of what she would face there.
THE HALL, WHICH HAD BEEN crowded and noisy, was suddenly extremely quiet. Penny peeked up at Travis as she kicked at the corner of the wall.
“So he really is okay? You weren’t just trying to make them all feel better?”
“Penny, doctors really aren’t allowed to be less than completely honest. Unfortunately, even when the news is bad, we have to tell it like it is. So yes, unless something wildly unusual happens, he really is going to be fine. We’re keeping a close eye on him so don’t worry.”
She smiled, relieved, and suddenly felt awkward standing so close to Trav. He’d always been skinny and gawky, freckled and redheaded. She’d called him “Opie” and “chicken legs” and a bunch of other names for as long as she could remember. The teasing was an equalizer between them. It helped erase the fact that Travis’s life had been so different from her own.
Travis had been the last of their little group to appear, his parents moving to Portland from New York City when he was seven. His father was a well-known attorney and, though the group lived within blocks of each other, Travis’s home was much more luxurious than the rest of theirs. He’d traveled all over the world, spoke two other languages and could discuss topics she had no idea about.
Getting stuck in public school for a year because his parents had missed registration when they moved, Travis was out of his element, away from the posh private schools he had attended in New York. He’d been small, skinny and smart—a prime target for bullying—until Penny, Colin and Miranda had rallied around and taken him into the fold. Travis had completed the group. Colin was the intellectual, Miranda was the adventurer, Penny was the no-nonsense one, and Travis was the clown.
She still recalled how when his parents had tried to register him for private school, he’d pitched a fit to stay where he was, and they’d let him. The Monroes were great. Penny had to admit they had never made her feel out of place or like they were rich and she was poor, though that was the truth of it.
When the four of them played, had parties, or otherwise got together, it was always at one of the others’ homes or some other location. The small apartment her mother had just didn’t have room for visitors, and besides Penny hadn’t really wanted anyone to come over anyhow. She’d slept on the sofa bed in the living room, and her mom in the too-small bedroom. There had been barely room for a desk and a secondhand computer for Penny out in the living room. Miranda had been the only one who ever had visited.
Penny had never wanted Travis to see where she had grown up, though now her mom lived in a modest but pretty home that Penny had helped her buy. It was the least she could do for all the sacrifices her mother had made for her.
She nudged her toe against the wall again and looked at Travis from beneath her long lashes. He was still skinny, but now it was in that lithe I-want-to-start-at-your-ankles-and-crawl-my-way-up-to-your-lips kind of way. His hair fell adorably over his forehead and he was always batting it away from his friendly blue eyes. She loved the color of his hair. Penny was also a redhead, but hers was more strawberry blond, where his was a deep copper. She tried not to notice—honestly she put forth her best effort—but he was just so hot.
She also had to put forth her best effort to hide her feelings when other women noticed him—every time they were out in a public place. Travis hadn’t been a monk, she knew, but most of his relationships hadn’t been under her nose, occurring when he was away at school. He always said residents didn’t have time for romance, which must be true, because she hadn’t seen him with anyone in a while.
She came back into the moment, grinding her teeth when she saw him grinning at her in that “Ha! You think I’m gorgeous” way that burned her butt. She put her hands on her hips, and faced him squarely.
“What?”
“You know you want me. Why don’t you just give in to your desires. Pen? Treat yourself. You deserve it.”
She barked out a laugh and rolled her eyes.
“Hey, maybe you can get one of your doctor friends to check out your ego, it seems to be a little swollen.”
He simply smiled wider and took a step closer. God, the one thing that hadn’t changed was what an annoying smart-ass he could be.
“That’s not exactly where I’m feeling some swelling at the moment.” His eyes were wicked, and she had to fight a smile.
“You’re disgusting.”
“C’mon, Penster. Go out with me. How many times are you going to shoot me down?”
Nervously jamming her hands into her pockets, she scowled. “Give it up. I’m never going out with you, Travis. You’re not my type.”
Those friendly blue eyes took on a little edge, and she tipped her face up, facing off with him boldly as he stepped even closer until he almost had her pinned against the tile wall.
“And what type would that be?” he asked, his voice low so only she could hear.
She craned her neck to look past his shoulder. “Randi will be back out any second. I wonder how she’s doing.”
Travis only extended one arm, planting his hand on the wall aside of her, leaning in.
“I’m sure they’re fine. What type of man do you want, Penny? I’m sure we could work something out.”
Penny inhaled sharply, which was a totally stupid thing to do because even in the antiseptic atmosphere of the hospital ward, Travis’s fresh, clean scent was heavenly.
“Back off, will ya?” She pushed forward, planting her hands on his shoulder, only to have him pull her up close, sliding a look from side to side to make sure they were alone. Then, before she could wrestle free, he swooped in and covered her mouth with his, one fast, hot kiss that shot heat straight to all the places that counted. Places that hadn’t received much attention lately.
He let his mouth linger on hers for a minute, then he backed away slowly, satisfied as he took in her flushed cheeks and dazed eyes. The night-duty nurse clattered down the hall with the medicine tray, rolling along in between them, but even that didn’t break the spell.
“Just something for you to think about, in case you decide I might be your type after all.”
Travis winked and turned to walk down the hall. Penny ground her teeth, berating herself mentally for melting from one hot kiss. She would just have to make sure that that never happened again.
FOR A MOMENT Miranda stood by the door watching Colin sleep. He looked so different from the vibrant man whom she had tried to seduce a few hours earlier. Embarrassment flowed though her as she recalled the disaster that had been. Well, Travis said Colin had lost his memory, so she could only hope and pray he didn’t remember.
She took another step forward, and then another, swallowing visibly as she saw how pale he was. Her heart constricted as she surveyed the purple bruises on his face and arms. Tears threatened again. Biting her lip hard, she reminded herself that he was fine. Travis said he was fine.
She didn’t want to wake him though she wanted to know what his response to her would be. Free to stare, to observe the angles of his face, the texture of his skin, she watched him, thankful that he was still here with her. What had happened between them almost didn’t matter, compared to this. Nothing mattered as long as he was all right.
Sighing, she figured she should leave. Tomorrow would come soon enough, and she would help in whatever ways she could. There was no reason for Ed and Joyce to miss their anniversary trip. Her work schedule was flexible, and she could reschedule appointments if need be to help out Colin.
Reaching forward, she smiled slightly and ran the back of her finger over Colin’s cheek.
“I’ll be back to see you tomorrow, big guy.”
When she turned to go, she heard a grunt and a croaking noise. Glancing back, she saw Colin’s eyes flutter open and her heart leaped. He focused in on her, his eyes heavy from the sedation, and she returned to the bedside.
“Hey there.”
“Randi?” His voice was a grating whisper, but it was enough to make her heart pound with relief.
“You remember me.”
His chuckle came out as a rasp. She smiled and touched his forehead but drew her hand back almost as quickly as she had extended it.
“Let me get you some water.” She poured water from the pitcher on the stand and leaned forward, cradling his head while tipping the cup slightly forward with the other.
“Better?”
He nodded and winced as she removed her hand.
“Listen, I’ll come by tomorrow morning. You rest now.”
Bleary hazel eyes blinked again and watched her closely.
“I can’t remember…what happened. The last thing I remember was getting an e-mail from you earlier today…do you know what I was doing out there tonight? Was I with you?”
Unsure of what to say, she smiled brightly and patted his hand, anxious to leave.
“Don’t worry about it. We can talk tomorrow.”
“But—”
She cut him off in a playfully stern voice. “You need to sleep, or Travis will have both our heads. See you tomorrow.”
She walked away from the bed and sighed in relief, but it was only momentary. Who knew what the morning would bring?
TWO BOTTLES OF WINE and several hours later, Penny and Miranda were sprawled across Miranda’s couch, exhausted and depressed from the events of the day. Miranda told the story of her failed seduction, and Penny squirmed as she told the tale of Travis’s kiss—both were at their wit’s end about how to handle their respective situations.
Miranda lolled her head over against a pillow and sighed. Penny’s problems were solved for the moment, and she was snoring like a lumberjack. No wonder. They had finished the champagne she had put out for Colin and then opened a good merlot and drunk that.
She looked at her watch. Two in the morning. Great. Definitely time for bed, or she would not make it to the hospital at all in the morning. Standing on wobbly knees, she leaned over and grabbed Penny’s ankles, stretching her out on the sofa and ignoring the nonsensical mumblings Penny was making. Then Miranda grabbed a blanket and threw it over her, face and all.
Satisfied that Penny was well tucked in, she glanced at the two empty bottles on the table and shrugged. Staring harder, she cocked her head sideways, noticing that the bottles were on top of the magazine that had given her the idea for that stupid seduction in the first place. While picking it up, one of the empty bottles rolled to the floor. She stuck her tongue out at the magazine and then winged it clear across the room with a few choice words flung after it.
Stumbling forward, she hit her toe on the edge of the coffee table. Damn, this just wasn’t her night. Hobbling, she headed toward the stairs and her room. She would have to set her alarm to wake up Penny in time for work. Only five hours from now. That sucked.
Everything sucked. She was crazy about Colin, and he wasn’t in the least interested in her. How the heck had he ended up falling into the harbor after he left her? Now he had amnesia and, with her luck, he would remember everything by morning, and she would resume her full-fledged-idiot status. And her toe hurt, which probably was going to match what her head would feel like in the morning. Just great. She wished she could forget all this. Colin was lucky.
She walked to the back door and whistled. Lucy and Chuck came bounding around the corner and ran outside for their nightly business. Lucy was a medium sized pit bull/Lab mix she had rescued from the shelter when she moved here. Miranda had found Chuck, an indolent basset hound with irresistible ears and woeful brown eyes, in Denver. Miranda loved them both, and would get more pets if she had the room. Calling them back in, she pointed up the stairs, and they ran to their beds in the corner of her room.
Turning on the landing and following the dogs upstairs, she yawned and wondered if Colin really would remember. As much as she wanted him to be okay, it would be nice if her little snafu never made it to the light of his consciousness again. Really, in the scope of things, what was a few lost hours?
What if he didn’t ever remember? Travis said sometimes it was permanent, right?
A bad plan started forming at the edges of her thoughts. She knew it was bad because, well, she just had that feeling, the same feeling she’d had when she tried the old I’m-gonna-seduce-Colin routine. Peeling off her clothes, she didn’t even bother putting on pajamas. She just crawled under the covers, forgetting the alarm clock altogether.
Instead of passing out as Penny had been so fortunate to do, her mind kept spinning, trying to work out that vague idea forming on the alcohol-fuzzed horizon.
If Colin never remembered what had happened last night, could she tell him whatever she wished had happened? Could she rewrite history a little—well, okay, a lot—just for those few hours? Then she could finally make him see that they belonged together as more than friends.
It would be wrong…but only a little, right?
After all, it was clear that he had wanted her as much as she wanted him. He was held back by some misguided idea that she was replacing Derek with him. What if this little amnesia thing was her opportunity to remove that roadblock? Practically humming with possibility, and in spite of her better judgment, her mind continued to spin out a plan until the wine finally took its toll and she fell asleep.
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