A Sweet Magnolias Novel

4

Helen hadn’t been able to forget the way her evening had ended at Sullivan’s a few days earlier. Nor had she been able to forget the speculative glances Dana Sue had given her and Erik during their tense meeting with Karen the next day. She knew that kind of look. Her friend thought there was something going on between Erik and her. Or maybe she just wanted something to be going on so she could feel good about her matchmaking skills. Either way, Helen was not looking forward to her next encounter with Dana Sue and the questions that awaited.

Unfortunately, she couldn’t put off seeing her any longer. She, Dana Sue and Maddie were scheduled for one of their morning get-togethers at The Corner Spa today. Since Helen had been all for these regular meetings to discuss spa business, she could hardly skip one. Her absence would just bring Dana Sue’s curiosity to a boil.

Besides, what with Maddie’s increasingly hectic schedule— a new husband and a new baby took up most of her time—and Dana Sue’s demands at Sullivan’s and her remarriage to Ronnie, the three of them hardly had any time to themselves anymore. Helen missed their leisurely chats. She’d started to feel a little like an outsider in their busy lives, though both of them would be appalled if they knew she felt that way.

Filled with a peculiar sense of dread, she braced herself as she walked through the bustling workout room. Personal trainer Elliott Cruz waved to her, as did several of the women who were sweating through a spinning class. The instructor was really putting them through their paces on the stationary bikes.

Helen paused to stick her head into the lavender-scented spa area where Jeanette was busy giving a facial to a blissful customer. The relaxing aroma reminded Helen that she’d been promising herself a massage for weeks now, hoping it would ease the constant tension in her shoulders.

“Everything okay with you?” she asked Jeanette, whom they’d stolen from a very upscale spa in Charleston. With her very short black hair and huge dark eyes, there was something exotic about Jeanette that made most of their clientele think she’d come from Europe. At least until they heard her speak. Her accent was as slow and sugary sweet as any South Carolinian’s.

“Perfect,” Jeanette told her. “Be sure to ask Maddie about the idea I had the other day.”

“Will do,” Helen promised.

Jeanette had more ideas, most of them excellent, than everyone else combined. She’d brought a lot of experience and creativity with her when she’d come to work for them. Their day spa services had increased in revenue at an even faster clip than their gym memberships. The days of Helen thinking of her investment in The Corner Spa as a tax shelter were long past. The place filled a surprisingly large niche in the region and business was booming.

Jeanette had already justified the expense of adding another technician to help handle the ever-increasing number and range of beauty treatments and massages they offered to a clientele who wanted to be truly pampered. Even the women of Serenity, who’d never even considered the extravagance of getting a massage, were signing up to treat themselves on special occasions. And, thanks to Jeanette’s word-of-mouth promotion, they’d sold a dozen gift certificates in the past week alone before Maddie had even had a chance to make their spa package marketing plan. If this kept up, The Corner Spa was single-handedly going to turn the previously well-kept secret of Serenity’s small-town charm into a tourist destination.

When Helen couldn’t put it off a second longer, she wandered onto the patio and spotted Maddie in the shade with her eyes closed. Obviously she’d seized the opportunity for a little catnap. Helen hesitated to interrupt her.

Maddie had only recently told them that she was pregnant for the second time since her marriage to Cal, something she claimed had taken both of them by surprise. Still, her previous pregnancy had gone so smoothly and she and Cal were so delighted with their daughter that she’d taken the fact of her second pregnancy in stride, though Maddie admitted she’d kept it to herself through the first trimester just in case there were complications.

Helen was the one who’d been thrown. Why did it seem to be so easy for Maddie to have a baby while she herself continued to wrestle with the decision about whether to take measures to have a child of her own? Sometime during the past year, watching Maddie breeze through her pregnancy with a doting husband by her side, holding baby Jessica Lynn in her arms and breathing in that powdery, just-bathed baby scent, Helen had become increasingly obsessed with the idea of having her own child. The depth of the yearning had caught her completely off guard. Up until then, she thought she’d been content and fulfilled with her single lifestyle and playing doting aunt to her friends’ children.

Once the yearning had surfaced, though, it had taken over most of her waking moments, at least when she wasn’t drowning in a sea of court documents. Lately she’d been working hard to get her high blood pressure in check, as the two high-risk pregnancy obstetricians she’d visited had advised. She’d made a dozen lists of the pros and cons about seizing her dream by whatever means necessary. But when it came down to actually taking the next step, she’d hesitated. She didn’t know what to make of her uncharacteristic indecisiveness. Something was holding her back, but she had no idea what.

Pushing aside her own doubts and her envy of Maddie’s pregnancy, she plastered a smile on her face and went to join her friend.

“Are you sure you’re only a few months along?” Helen asked, waking Maddie from her nap. She patted the mound of her tummy. “Seems to me you weren’t showing this much this early with any of your other kids. Maybe you’re having twins this time.”

“Bite your tongue,” Maddie said. “One baby at a time is more than enough. I hate to think how exhausted I’d be if there were two of them.”

Helen regarded her with concern. “If you’re that tired, shouldn’t you be at home with your feet up?”

Maddie grinned. “I work for these tyrants,” she explained. “This place gets busier and more demanding every day. I can’t get any time off. Besides, the baby’s not due for months.”

Helen sat down and studied Maddie’s glowing face. With four children already—three from her first marriage to pediatrician Bill Townsend—forty-two-year-old Maddie hadn’t been nearly as anxious as Cal to try again, but looking at her now, Helen knew that she was as excited about the new arrival as her husband.

Maddie studied Helen with a knowing look. “You haven’t said much about it for quite a while now, but you’re still thinking about having a baby, too, aren’t you?”

Helen nodded. “I had no idea I’d ever feel such a strong maternal yearning, but every time you hand me Jessica Lynn and she looks up at me with those big blue eyes and blows those tiny little bubbles or smiles at me, it makes me realize just how much I’ve missed in my life.”

“And?” Maddie prodded. “Did you ever follow through and talk to a doctor about whether your high blood pressure presents too much of a risk? When you didn’t mention it, Dana Sue and I figured that you’d dropped the whole idea.”

“To be honest, I’m a little surprised you haven’t pestered me about it long before now,” Helen said. “You’re usually not that hesitant to poke about in my life.”

“This is one of those decisions that’s yours to make. Neither of us wanted to sway you one way or another. So, did you follow through or not?”

Helen wasn’t sure why she’d kept those doctor visits a secret, but when confronted with a direct question, she saw no reason to lie. “I’ve seen two high-risk pregnancy experts,” she admitted. “Both of them have said that if I promised to take extremely good care of myself and stay in bed at the first sign of blood pressure problems, I could go ahead with a pregnancy.”

Maddie’s brows drew together. “Then why do you look so unhappy? Isn’t that exactly the news you were hoping for?”

Helen nodded. “Then I bumped straight into reality. Getting pregnant isn’t the slam dunk I thought it would be. I mean, some women get pregnant just by going to bed with somebody once, but somehow I don’t see myself going out and having some casual fling, hoping to get a baby out of it.”

Maddie smiled. “Yes, I imagine you’d want to know the man’s entire medical history and his pedigree, which pretty much rules out the whole casual thing.”

Helen frowned at her because the remark hit a little too close to the truth. “My point is that this should mean something, you know? I can’t imagine telling my son or daughter someday that I met their dad in a bar and never saw him again.”

“Okay. What about artificial insemination?”

“I’ve thought about it,” Helen said. “Even did some research on fertility clinics that do the procedure. There are very reputable ones. I could either bring in a donor or use one of their anonymous ones.” She struggled to put her feelings into words. “It just seems so, I don’t know, artificial. To be honest,” Helen went on, “my reaction threw me. You know me. I take charge. I don’t think I need anybody for anything, but the idea of having a baby that way seemed too cold and impersonal.”

“So you’ve just given up?” Maddie asked, clearly surprised.

“No,” Helen protested. “I’ve just taken a step back. I’ve been thinking about it.”

“Making lists?” Maddie asked.

“Yes, I’ve made lists,” Helen replied. “If more people did that, they’d make fewer mistakes.”

“Whoa!” Maddie said. “On any level whatsoever, do you see having a child of your own as a mistake?”

Helen winced at the heat in Maddie’s voice. “Don’t say it like that. I told you that getting pregnant was only one of my concerns. What if I’m too selfish, too self-absorbed, too busy to be a really good mom?”

“Ah, so that’s it,” Maddie said. “Self-doubts plague just about everyone contemplating having a baby for the first time. You’re not unique.”

“I’m trying to be responsible,” Helen said defensively. “I’m older. I’m alone. Is that going to be the best thing for a child? By the time my child’s in kindergarten, the other kids will have grandmas my age.”

“You’re exaggerating,” Maddie said.

“Only a little bit.”

“Do you want to know what I think?” Maddie asked, then went on without waiting for Helen’s reply. “I think you’re just plain scared. This would be a huge step, a big change in your life and for all of your claims to being a modern, totally independent woman, you’re terrified that you’ll finally find something in life at which you can’t excel.”

Miffed at Maddie’s perceptiveness, Helen said, “Well, you have to admit it would be a really bad thing to mess up.”

“Okay, let’s go back to basics,” Maddie suggested, studying Helen intently. “Are you really sure you want a baby? Or do you just like the idea of having a baby?”

Helen regarded her miserably. “I wish I knew.”

“Have you ever known yourself not to go after something you really, really wanted?” Maddie pressed.

“Are you saying you don’t believe I want a child at all?” Helen asked, startled by the thought.

“I’m only suggesting that your biological clock started ticking loudly when I got pregnant with Jessica Lynn and you realized it was now or never.” She reached for Helen’s hand. “Maybe it’s never, sweetie. Not every woman has to have a child to be fulfilled. Maybe what you’re really longing for is a powerful connection to another person.”

“A man?” Helen asked incredulously. “You’re suggesting I forget about a baby and just find myself a man? Now there’s an enlightened point of view. Come on, Maddie. I think I know myself a little better than that. Besides, of all people, I know that relationships don’t always last. Why would I want to set myself up for heartache?”

“I’m just telling you that maybe what you’re feeling is an emptiness in your life that could be filled in some other way. If you haven’t taken steps by now to have a baby, then perhaps on some subconscious level, you know that’s not really what you want.”

“Or maybe I just want one the old-fashioned way,” Helen retorted, annoyed that Maddie was questioning her determination, even if she was asking questions Helen had asked herself a million times. “Did you ever think of that? Maybe I want a man and a baby and the whole family thing that you and Dana Sue have.”

“But you just said…” Maddie began, obviously confused.

Helen could hardly blame her. She was confused herself. To her dismay, tears welled up in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. “Excuse me. I need to get out of here.”

“Helen?” Maddie called after her. “Come back here. Let’s talk about this.”

But Helen made a clean getaway—which she’d hear about later. In fact, she’d probably find Maddie and Dana Sue on her doorstep before the sun set. Although, maybe by then she’d somehow figure out what the hell was really going on with her and why this decision about a baby was the only one she’d ever been incapable of making.

Erik had come to work early, hoping to get enough done to cut out the second Dana Sue arrived and thereby avoid another conversation about his love life, or lack thereof.

He was surprised when the back door inched open and Annie Sullivan, Dana Sue’s daughter, stuck her head in. “Is it okay to come in?” the seventeen-year-old inquired. “Are you really busy?”

“Just getting a head start on my day,” he said, gesturing for her to come in. “Shouldn’t you be in school?”

“Not for another hour,” Annie told him, dropping her books by the door and climbing onto the stool beside his prep area. “My mom’s not around, is she?”

“No. Why?” he asked. “Were you hoping she would be?”

“No. Actually I wanted to talk to you.”

Erik regarded her suspiciously. “Why?”

“Because you’re a guy and you’re not my dad.”

“An unbiased male point of view is what you’re after,” he concluded. “Are you sure I’m the right person? I’m not exactly a relationship expert. I assume this is about Ty.”

She grinned. “Of course.”

Ever since Annie’s hospitalization with severe complications from anorexia, she and Maddie’s son Tyler had gotten closer. They’d always been family friends, but Annie had wanted more, and Ty seemed to be showing some interest at long last. They’d been on half a dozen “real” dates, as Annie liked to call them, before Ty left for college, though both of them stopped short of saying they were actually a couple.

“What’s your question?” Erik asked, studying her closely for signs that she’d fallen back into her old harmful eating patterns. It didn’t matter how frequently he saw her, he couldn’t seem to stop himself from checking. Fortunately her complexion had a healthy glow, her hair was shining, and even more telling, she was wearing clothes that fit and showed off a figure that was still a little on the thin side, but far from the skeletal form it had been a year ago.

“You know Ty’s at Duke,” she began.

Erik bit back a grin. “You’ve mentioned it a time or two since he left for school last fall.”

Annie frowned at his teasing. “I mention it so much because it’s amazing that I actually know a guy who’s at Duke and who’s the star of their baseball team, even though he’s only a freshman. What’s even more amazing is that we go out once in a while to movies and parties. He’s even…” She blushed furiously.

Erik’s gaze narrowed. “He’s even what?”

“Kissed me,” she confessed shyly. “It was totally awesome.”

Although he wasn’t her father, Erik felt like it sometimes, so close was he to the family. And like a father he did not want to hear about any guy, even a responsible young man like Tyler, kissing Annie. For sure Ronnie wouldn’t be thrilled about it, either, even if kids their age often did a whole lot more than kiss. Still, maybe it was a good sign that Annie was talking about it. If things had gone beyond the kissing stage, he suspected she’d keep it to herself. He was so out of his depth with this stuff!

“You know there’s nothing amazing about Ty liking you,” he told her, opting for a lesson in self-esteem. “You’re a terrific young woman. You could have a dozen boyfriends at a dozen different colleges if you wanted them.”

“You’re just biased, like my dad,” she scoffed. “Anyway, my question is whether I should ask Ty to come home to take me to my senior prom or whether that would be totally lame.”

“Isn’t prom coming up soon?” Erik asked. “I think your mom mentioned something about taking you to Charleston to shop for a dress.”

“It’s three weeks away,” she said. “So it’s practically last-minute if I ask him now.”

“Why have you put off asking him?”

“It feels weird. It’s not like we’re exclusive or anything. Don’t guys like to do the asking?”

“As a general rule, yes,” Erik told her. “But this is your event, not his. My guess is that Ty’s probably wondering why you haven’t already asked. You said yourself you’re not dating each other exclusively. What if he thinks you’re going with some other guy?”

“But I would never do that,” Annie said, her expression dismayed. “I don’t even want to see other boys.”

“Then, if you want him to go, ask him. A man appreciates a woman who’s direct with him.” He winked at her. “Unlike women, we’re pretty simple creatures. Be straightforward and honest with us and we’ll go along with the program. Women are the mysterious, complicated ones.”

“I wonder if Ty thinks I’m mysterious and complicated,” Annie asked, looking intrigued with the idea.

“I can just about guarantee it. He’s nineteen. I doubt he gets anything about women yet. I’m still working it out and I’m twice that age.”

Annie hopped down off the stool and hugged him. “Thanks.”

“Why didn’t you just ask your dad or your mom about this?” he asked.

She shrugged. “They’re parents. They get all worked up thinking I might wind up disappointed and I get a half-hour lecture on not counting on too much where Ty’s concerned. That usually turns into a conversation about disappointment leading to depression and bad decisions and eating disorders, yada-yada-yada.”

“You mean I just blew this entire conversation by not including a lecture?” Erik demanded, mostly in jest, of course, though he did find these little tests of his untried parenting skills to be disconcerting.

“For which I am very, very grateful,” she assured him. She grabbed a brownie off the tray he’d just taken from the oven and took a bite as if to prove a point. “Have a good day.”

“You, too, sweet pea. Let me know how it goes when you talk to Ty.”

She smiled, looking more carefree than she had when she’d arrived. “I’ll call you tonight right after I talk to him.”

No sooner had Annie exited through the back door than Dana Sue pushed open the door from the dining room. “Was that my daughter I saw sneaking out the back?”

Erik regarded her with his most innocent expression. “Was it?”

Dana Sue rolled her eyes at his pitiful attempt at evasion. “What did she want?”

“To talk to me.”

“About?”

“Sorry, confidential.”

Her gaze narrowed. “You and my daughter are having confidential conversations? I’m not sure how I feel about that. It was bad enough when she was having them with Maddie.”

“I don’t think this was something she felt she could ask Maddie,” Erik said.