Dreaming Of... Brazil

‘To make what worse?’ he demanded. Raking his hair, he shook his head impatiently. ‘I’m in the dark, here. Can you help me?’

Danny didn’t know if she could. ‘I owe you an apology.’

‘What are you talking about?’ Tiago flared.

‘I read your email. I know I shouldn’t have, but I came to get us both some water and I nudged your laptop by mistake. The screen flashed on and I read it. I read your exchanges with Lizzie.’

A shiver gripped her as Tiago swore softly under his breath.

‘Can you explain them?’ she asked quietly. ‘Can you tell me why you didn’t think to tell me that a baby was part of our deal?’

‘You must have known—’

‘That there was a possibility I could have a child? Of course I knew. I tried to discuss it with you, but you brushed it off.’

‘I didn’t brush it off,’ he defended.

‘Well, let me tell you this, so there can be no misunderstanding. If I’m lucky enough to have a child, no one on this earth is going to rip that child from my arms.’

‘Let me explain—’

‘You’re going to explain now?’ She shook her head. ‘It’s too late. Don’t you see that? I don’t think you were ever going to tell me, Tiago. I think you hoped nature would take its course and that it wouldn’t be necessary to tell me that a baby was part of the deal. And then—and I can’t imagine how you came to this conclusion—you must have thought I’d be content to leave with my money and without my baby at the end of our allotted year. How could you think that, Tiago? Why didn’t you say something? Didn’t you think I was strong enough to hear the truth?’

‘That rubbish in my grandfather’s will means nothing. It would never stand up in law.’

‘But it must have crossed your mind at some point that it might be a good idea, or why would Chico have mentioned it to Lizzie? Come on, Tiago—say something to make me believe I’ve misread this, that I’ve misunderstood your intentions. Please!’

‘It was a talking point and nothing more.’

‘A talking point?’

‘It was careless talk with Chico about a ridiculous demand by my grandfather that I had no intention of pursuing.’

‘Really? Careless talk?’ Firming her lips angrily, she shook her head. ‘Would that be “careless talk” back in the days when you were a playboy? Let me see—how many days ago would that be? And I’m supposed to believe you’ve changed?’ She made a contemptuous sound.

‘Danny, I have changed.’

‘Have you, Tiago?’

‘You’ve changed me.’

‘I’m supposed to believe that, am I?’

‘I would have told you everything—but not today. I didn’t want to spoil our wedding day.’

‘But you have spoiled it. You might as well tell me everything now.’

She twirled the fabulous engagement ring and the jewelled wedding band next to it round and round her finger, until the rings threatened to cut into her skin.

‘Shall I summarise for you?’ she suggested, when Tiago said nothing. ‘You bought me, and you think you’ve bought any baby I might have too. That’s why you gave me so much money. I understand now. It all makes sense. They do it in supermarkets—buy one, get one free.’

‘Danny—’

‘Well, how would you put it?’ she flared, her shoulders braced, ready to confront him. ‘To add insult to injury, you not only transferred an obscene amount of money into my bank account, you tried to pretend our relationship was close to normal with gifts—these rings and that fabulous horse. And to make things even worse I gave you gifts—chief amongst which was my heart.’

Almost crying from all the furious emotion inside her, she snatched off the rings and threw them across the counter at him.

‘And when I get home I’ll be transferring your money back too.’

Tiago snapped alert. ‘What are you talking about? When you get home?’

‘You can’t expect me to stay now?’

‘I do expect you to stay. Of course I do.’ His expression grew fierce. ‘You’re my wife. Where else would you be but with me?’ When she laughed incredulously he insisted, ‘Come with me, Danny. Come with me now and let me explain.’

‘Explain?’ She snatched her arm from his grasp. ‘I always knew this was wrong. Anything you have to say to me can be said right here, right now.’

‘This wasn’t meant to happen.’

‘I’m sure it wasn’t,’ she agreed.

With an impatient sound, Tiago raked his hair. ‘Not tonight—’

‘Not ever, I’m guessing.’

‘You’re wrong, Danny. I know this sounds bad—’

‘Bad?’ she said over him. ‘It doesn’t just sound bad—it is bad. I’m an adult, Tiago, quite capable of making my own decisions, but it would have helped if I’d known all the facts before I agreed to this marriage deal. Now let’s be clear. I will not involve an innocent child in this. I can’t get past that. Any arrangement we might have had is over. I’m going home.’

She held his blazing stare unflinching, certain that neither of them had expected their marriage to end on their wedding night. She was equally sure that Tiago had never seen her like this before—so cold, so determined, the equal of him. But her childhood hadn’t been so very different from his, and she could switch off her feelings too.

‘If you won’t allow me to explain, at least let me get you a robe.’

‘Oh, please,’ she exploded. ‘Don’t pretend you’re concerned about my appearance now.’

‘But I am concerned about you,’ Tiago insisted, in a much more collected tone.

He had realised she was serious about leaving him, Danny guessed as she gazed down at her flimsy outfit. It was so inappropriate for what was happening, and it upset her to think that it had been so carefully chosen for her by a young girl who had wanted nothing but the best for Tiago’s bride.

‘Do I need to be more suitably dressed when you explain your way out of this?’ she suggested bitterly.

‘For God’s sake, Danny— If you’d just listen to me.’

‘I have been listening to you. I’ve heard everything you’ve said. It’s what you haven’t said that’s upset me. You’ve upset Lizzie—and on her honeymoon too. I shouldn’t have had to read those things, Tiago. I believed you. I trusted you.’

Moving past him, she snatched his riding jacket down from the hook on the back of the door and pulled it on. It drowned her, but the jacket served its purpose in that it covered her completely.

‘You’ve always been my number one concern, Danny.’

‘Save it,’ she said coldly. ‘I suppose it was only a matter of you choosing the right time to explain?’

‘As a matter of fact, it was,’ he agreed. ‘Husbands and wives talk. I did say those things to Chico, but that was when I was still formulating a plan. Of course I was going to tell you. I knew there was a risk Lizzie might say something, and I knew it was up to me to reassure you that my grandfather’s demands were, and are, completely unacceptable.’

‘And when would you have done that, Tiago? In the delivery ward? Or one year from today when our contract was at an end?’ She shook her head in despair. ‘What type of woman do you think I am?’

‘It’s precisely because of the type of woman you are that I married you. Yes, this started out as a business deal, but you mean so much more to me than that.’

‘Lucky me,’ she scoffed. ‘And now I suppose you love me?’ She raised a brow. ‘Is that what you’re saying?’

‘Yes, I do,’ Tiago admitted quietly.

‘How convenient. Let me tell you something, Tiago. There can be no love without trust. And you’ve destroyed my trust completely. I don’t think you have a clue what love is. I think you’ve shut yourself off from feelings for so long you’ll never understand.’

‘I didn’t want to hurt you.’

‘So you were going to sit me down like a little girl to explain? How patronising. And I thought we entered this marriage as equals.’

‘We are equals.’

‘But some are more equal than others, it seems to me,’ she said coldly. ‘I was a convenient bride. I get that. But don’t think any child of mine is going to be a convenient baby.’

‘I’ve never thought that and I never will.’ He blocked her way out of the kitchen. ‘There is no small print in our contract that you don’t know about. There was talk in my grandfather’s will of a child, but that was all part of his delusion and cannot be upheld in law.’

‘How disappointing for you.’

‘Don’t,’ he said. ‘Please don’t be bitter and angry. You never used to be like this—’

‘You mean I used to be a mug?’

‘No!’ Tiago exclaimed.

‘Just unlucky, then?’ she said. ‘Maybe I could have swallowed this too, if you hadn’t stirred my maternal instincts—but you have. I fell in love with you, Tiago. That was my mistake. I thought this was going to be the best night of my life—not the worst. And, worst of all, I thought I could change you.’

‘You have changed me.’

‘Have I, Tiago?’ Drawing in a shaking breath, she lifted her head to look at him. ‘Why can’t polo players ever be straight with a woman? Are you all too busy and important to consider the feelings of your fellow human beings? Do we exist only for your convenience?’

‘If you’re referring to Pintos, I’ll take that—because I should have been straight with you from the start. But I was trying to protect you, Danny, and I got it wrong. I would have done anything to protect you. Nothing you’ve read on that screen suggests that I agree with my grandfather. It’s old talk. And he can’t enforce his demands from the grave. Nor would I allow him to if he were alive today. And in spite of what you must think of him he wasn’t a bad man. He’d just fought so hard for what he had, and he’d lost it once. He couldn’t bear to lose it again.’

With an exhausted gesture, he shook his head.

‘All I can say is that I wish those emails had never been sent, because then I could reassure you. But, whatever you think of me now, I will always protect you. Maybe I went too far this time, but that’s only because I love you.’

‘You love me? You don’t even know the meaning of the word.’

‘Stop it, Danny—this is your insecurity. You’re not so different from me. We can work this out.’

‘Can we? Why drag it out for a year, Tiago? You have the ranch. My job is done. Why keep up the pretence any longer?’

‘Because I love you. Because I’m happier than I’ve ever been.’

‘I don’t know what to think any more,’ Danny admitted. ‘I feel as if every time I put down foundations something comes along to shake them loose.’

‘Not this time—I promise you,’ Tiago insisted fiercely. ‘That’s your past talking. Just because your mother’s never been there for you. That’s not me—that’s not now.’

Drawing his jacket tightly around her shoulders, she shook her head. ‘I can’t give you the answer you want. I’m sorry, Tiago. Maybe it is my past getting in the way, but I need time to think this through.’

‘Danny—’

‘Please...’ She backed away. ‘I need space to think, and I can’t think when I’m close to you.’

* * *

He slept the rest of the night in the guest bedroom, while Danny slept in his room. He couldn’t say he blamed her for doubting him. A lifetime of blanking out his feelings hadn’t helped him to handle the situation better. He could have dealt with Danny angry and hot-tempered more easily, but when she’d turned cold, had spoken to him so bleakly, he had known she was right. The past had a lot to answer for, and she did need time.

But he wasn’t ready to give up. Swinging out of bed, he showered and dressed, and then knocked on her door.

‘Come on. Get up—we’re going riding.’

He wasn’t even sure she’d heard him, let alone that she would join him. But she did. He should have known Danny was a survivor, and that she would be every bit as tough this morning as she had been last night, when she had told him what he could do with his gifts and his money.

They saddled up in silence and rode out together. They didn’t speak until they reached the river, where he dismounted.

Danny joined him. ‘So?’ she said.

‘So,’ he echoed, staring out across the river. ‘When are you leaving?’

‘Soon.’

He ground his jaw, but acknowledged this. ‘This is not how I expected to spend the first day of my married life—but then I didn’t expect to get married at all,’ he admitted. ‘My parents put me off marriage when I was a child, with their shouting and squabbling over what was left of my grandfather’s money.’

‘You were put off marriage until you were forced to marry. Isn’t that it, Tiago?’

‘Yes,’ he admitted bluntly.

‘Were you hunting for a bride at Lizzie’s wedding, when I practically ran into you?’

‘You were so angry and shocked—I seem to remember you almost knocked me over. You would probably have liked to, anyway. As for hunting for a bride... Yes, I did scan the pool for likely candidates, and you were close to the top of my list.’

‘Only close?’ Danny said dryly, staring out across the river.

‘I judged you too vulnerable to be drawn into my plan.’

‘And now, Tiago?’ She swung around to face him, but there was no warmth in her eyes.

‘I was wrong about you,’ he admitted. ‘I should have known you were strong enough to take up any challenge.’

‘And more than willing,’ she remembered, smiling faintly.

He made no comment.

‘And then I made the mistake of falling in love with you. We got close so fast that even our crazy wedding made sense.’

‘It wasn’t so fast,’ he argued, frowning. ‘We were close in Brazil.’

‘Friends,’ she conceded. ‘You liked teasing me.’

‘Yes, I did. And, as I remember it, you liked it too.’

She shrugged, slanting him a smile, but refused to comment.

‘My grandfather was delusional, Danny. Don’t you think after the childhood I experienced I would want to do something better for my children? I certainly wouldn’t risk any child of mine growing up thinking I’d bought it. And you...’ He paused and looked at her steadily. ‘You’re a very special woman, and someone I’m proud to call my wife.’

‘If you could pull out of our deal, though, would you?’

He frowned. ‘This is no longer a deal, Danny.’

‘But it still feels like one to me.’

‘So what can I do to change that?’

‘I don’t know,’ she said honestly. ‘I’ve never wanted anything from you in the material sense, but it was part of the deal. Maybe I can’t live with that. Maybe my problem is with me and my judgement, not you. My only thought was to secure my mother’s future and buy my own establishment. I couldn’t see further than that. I didn’t once think about the true cost...’

‘You wanted to spread your wings,’ he argued hotly. ‘There’s nothing wrong with that, and you still can. You want to taste adventure? It’s right here.’

He had thought he was getting through to her, but instead of moving towards him she moved back towards her horse and mounted up.

‘I need more,’ she said softly. ‘I need to prove myself before I have anything to offer you.’

He opened his arms in a gesture of surrender. ‘You’re so wrong. You don’t have to prove anything to me. But, please, keep the money. You’re going to need it if you go. Take it for your mother—make her secure. Give yourself a future, Danny.’

‘I wanted you,’ she said. ‘I wanted your love. I wanted a life together.’

‘And you can have it.’

‘But how can I be sure that there won’t be another time when you hide something from me in the mistaken belief that you’re protecting me?’

‘You can’t,’ he said bluntly, resting his hand on the neck of her horse. ‘I won’t commit to a promise I’m not certain I can keep. If you need protecting I’m going to do that, whatever you have to say about it.’

He tensed as she turned her horse for home.

‘So you’re just going to give up? You’re not even going to fight for us?’

‘For us?’ she said, gathering up her reins. ‘There is no “us”, Tiago. There never has been. And, as you say, I have a life to lead and so do you.’

‘But I love you.’

* * *

Tiago loved her. But her own feelings were in turmoil. She owed it to both of them to sort herself out... Would this ever work out?

‘At least think it through,’ Tiago insisted. ‘You don’t have to go right away. You’ve been just as cut off from emotion as I have, but if the last half-hour is anything to go by we’ve unlocked something in each other. Don’t throw that away, Danny.’

She’d hurt him and she didn’t know how to make it right, Danny thought as Tiago brought his horse alongside hers. She blamed herself. She should never have agreed to such a cold-blooded agreement. It had never been going to turn out well. She should have been content to stay where she was, with her heart in one piece.

‘Where will you go? What will you do?’ he said.

‘I’ll go back to Scotland and get a job.’

‘Your qualifications are excellent,’ Tiago agreed, as if he thought it was a good idea—or was that her insecurity talking again? ‘With your experience it shouldn’t be hard to find work. But don’t settle for just anything.’

‘Stop worrying about me, Tiago. My decisions aren’t all flawed. I’ll rebuild my life and move forward.’

‘I have no doubt you will, but I can’t see how going back to Rottingdean is moving forward.’

‘Maybe you’re right. But I’m never going backwards again.’

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