And seeing that miracle, and the one on Rachel’s face as she saw it, too, the undisguised incredulity and rush of happiness, he couldn’t help but be deliriously happy with her. Or help the tear that slid from the corner of his eye. It wasn’t that he wasn’t stomach-churningly terrified still, he just realised that that fear didn’t have to be all-consuming. He could be worried to his bones about what effect this little child would have on his life, but still be absolutely, unbelievably happy that they’d made their baby.
He squeezed Rachel’s hand a little harder, and she turned her face towards him, her eyes and cheeks lit with happiness and wet with tears.
As he watched, another tear snuck from the corner of his eye, and he smudged it away with his thumb.
‘Everything looks good here,’ the radiographer announced, breaking the silence and passing Rachel a tissue to clean off the gel.
The intimacy between them suddenly lost, Leo turned away, offering her some privacy.
They strolled from the hospital into the park opposite still dazed with happiness.
‘Rachel, you know I’m sorry, don’t you, that we didn’t get to share this before? That I would have given anything to have been here.’ He reached for her hand, needing the physical contact, desperate to know that they were back to being friends. That everything was right between them again.
To his surprise, she smiled, looking up at him, her eyes still a little damp. ‘I know. I know that you tried, and I should have forgiven you a long time ago. I thought that I...that the baby...that we didn’t mean enough to you. But I know that I was wrong.’
Didn’t mean enough to him? He didn’t know how it would be possible for anyone to mean more. Somehow his whole world had shrunk and expanded until Rachel was the shape of his whole future. He stopped walking, and held onto her hand a little tighter.
‘Rachel, you have to know, you and the baby, you’re everything. There are still days where I feel like I’ve got no idea how we got here, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. Wouldn’t wish for anything but what we have.’
His free hand brushed away another tear, just sneaking out from the corner of her lashes.
‘I felt so alone—’
‘And it kills me even thinking about it.’
‘I know,’ she said. ‘I didn’t say it to make you feel worse. It just made me realise how much I wanted you there. How much I wanted us to see our baby together. How much it means to me that we get to share this. It wasn’t that I wanted someone there, Leo. I wanted you.’
He drew her close, swiping another tear as she hid her face in his chest.
‘I feel the same,’ he said into her hair. ‘And it’s frightening and exhilarating and it reminds me how much there is still to learn about this whole family thing. But we can do this, Rachel, and we can be brilliant at it. Be parents. Be more than that to each other.’
He dipped his head and pressed his lips to her mouth. It was quick and soft and sweet, and as he rested his forehead against hers he couldn’t think of a moment in his life when he’d been more content than this. With his baby’s heartbeat echoing in his ears, with Rachel’s skin warm against his and the memory of her lips smiling against his fresh in his mind. All the reasons he’d fought this romance seemed to slip away. Every objection to keeping this woman at the centre of his life—the space she’d occupied since the moment they’d met—faded. The important thing, the only important thing, was that they faced their lives together. ‘You’re right,’ she murmured, and he could hear her smile in her voice. ‘We’ll be brilliant.’
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