The Amelia Fang Series
For my marvellous, magnificent,
musical sister Marie!
The memories we’ve shared
are unforgettable and I love you
more than freshly baked cookies xxx
First published in Great Britain 2018
by Egmont UK Limited
The Yellow Building, 1 Nicholas Road, London W11 4AN
Text and illustrations copyright © 2018 Laura Ellen Anderson
The moral rights of the author and illustrator have been asserted
First e-book edition 2018
ISBN 978 1 4052 8707 4
Ebook ISBN 978 1 4052 9262 7
www.egmont.co.uk
A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library
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CONTENTS
Cover
Title Page
Dedication and Copyright
MAP OF THE KINGDOMS
MEET THE NOCTURNIANS AND GLITTEROPOLANS
1. GOBLIN-SLIME SUPERGLUE
2. MY LIFE . . . IN SONG
3. SUBLIME
4. PUMPKIN PARADISE PARK
5. I JUST WANNA PLAY GOBLIN TAG
6. BAKE FASTER
7. BAD BOGIES
8. THE PUMPKIN PATCH
9. WHAT THE BATS IS GOING ON?
10. SIT YOUR ROYAL BOTTOM DOWN
11. LOOSE LIMBS LIBRARY
12. UNICOOOOOORN! THE TERROR!
13. THE FIELD OF FORGET-ME-NOTS
14. PA-DOOF !
15. JUST LIKE ME
16. LOVE
17. THE PUMPKINS AND THE GRUMPKINS
18. TAKE ’IM AWAY!
19. PUMPKIN-SHAPED DREAMS
CHAPTER 1
GOBLIN-SLIME SUPERGLUE
On a misty Wednesday night after school, young vampire Amelia Fang sat in her bedroom with her pet pumpkin, Squashy, surrounded by complete and utter mess.
‘Darkling,’ called Amelia’s mother, Countess Frivoleeta, from downstairs. ‘It’s time for your organ practice with Wooo. Remember your exam is coming up soon.’
‘Do I have to practise tonight?’ Amelia replied, her heart sinking at the thought of more organ practice – despite how ghoulishly enthusiastic Wooo, their ghost butler, was. ‘I’m making Squashy a cute costume for my birthnight party!’
Squashy squeaked and span on the spot delightedly.
‘Isn’t it exciting, Squashy! Soon I’ll be eleven moon-years old!’ beamed Amelia, flicking through her Positively Pumpkin magazine. ‘And we get to celebrate in style at the Pumpkin Patch! Golly Ghouls, I do love pumpkins.’
Amelia wanted to be a Pumpkinologist more than anything in the whole world when she grew up – she could imagine studying and caring for pumpkins like Squashy forever!
Amelia also loved making things, and she especially loved making things for Squashy. Tonight her bedroom floor was covered in black-and-orange material, goblin-slime superglue and various cobwebbing tools.
The bedroom door creaked open, revealing Countess Frivoleeta’s huge beehive hairdo before the rest of her body. When she saw the mess in Amelia’s room, she gasped.
‘Amelia, my dreadful little wart-picker, I can’t see your bedroom floor!’
‘It’s creative mess,’ Amelia grinned. ‘Look, I’m making some sunglasses for Squashy and some tiny bow ties.’
The countess made a strange noise. ‘Amelia Fang! It’s like you’re living in a goblin cave. Wooo is waiting for you in the organ room, so tidy this mess up and then go downstairs for your practice. Quick-smart my dismal one!’
Amelia felt her cheeks flush. ‘But Mum, it’s nearly my birthnight, and I’ve so much to catch up on in Positively Pumpkin ! Can’t I skip organ practice just this week?’
‘Certainly not, darkling – you already missed last week because you were at pumpkin-patch digging. Organ practice is important – pumpkin magazines are not. ’
Amelia sighed. ‘Okay, Mum, I’ll be down in a minute,’ she said, as the countess left the room. Sometimes it felt like her mum just didn’t understand.
‘Don’t worry Squashy, we’ll have your costume ready, even if I have to stay up all day to finish it.’
Squashy pa-doinged in excitement, but landed on the tube of goblin-slime superglue and a giant purple glob spurted all over Amelia’s dress.
‘Oh no, be careful Squashy!’ shrieked Amelia, looking down at the slimy patch.
But the little pumpkin leapt forward and landed on Amelia’s lap – slap-bang in the pile of goblin slime.
‘Uh-oh!’ cried Amelia. ‘You just sat in the glue . . .’
Squashy tried to pa-doing out of her lap, but he was firmly stuck.
Amelia looked around her bedroom in search of some glitter – the only thing that could dissolve goblin slime – but she couldn’t see any.
‘We have to hurry, Squashy,’ urged Amelia. ‘Wooo is waiting for me and you’re stuck to my lap . . . Argh!’
She tried her best to pull her dress off, but it was rather difficult with a pumpkin stuck to the front of it. Amelia found herself caught half in and half out of the dress. Squashy had begun to squeak in a panic and was swinging from side to side, trying to free himself.
‘Whoa! Squashy, what are you doing?’ said Amelia, trying to wriggle out of the tangled garment. ‘Stop it, you’re making me lose balance!’
But, determined to free himself, the little pumpkin carried on swinging – causing Amelia to stumble around the room like a frenzied zombie.
‘OUCH!’ she cried out as she stomped on a small box full of buttons and lost her footing.
CRASH!
Amelia and Squashy went tumbling into the pumpkin-themed creations, sending the whole lot flying across the room.
A few seconds later, her mum burst through the door.
‘What the gravestones is going on?’ she exclaimed, surveying the carnage.
‘Um . . . I can explain . . .’ said Amelia sheepishly.
‘And what’s happened to your dress?’ her mother said sternly.
Amelia looked down. Where Squashy had been swinging, there was a massive rip.
‘It was an accident, Mum, honest!’ said Amelia, scrambling to her feet. ‘I was just about to leave, and the glue spilt out and Squashy got stuck and . . .’
‘I have had enough, Amelia!’ said the countess, holding up a hand. She picked up a copy of Positively Pumpkin. ‘You’ve always got your head stuck in this silly magazine! You’ve been neglecting your vampiress etiquette studies and organ practice for too long now.’
‘It’s not a silly magazine!’ cried Amelia, snatching it away from her mum.
‘Do NOT take that tone with me,’ said the countess. ‘One more outburst like that and I’m cancelling your Positively Pumpkin subscription!’
‘But, Mum, that’s not fair! It was an accident, and you know how important pumpkins and Squashy are to me!’ said Amelia.
Countess Frivoleeta’s left eyeball twitched. But she composed herself.
‘Wooo is waiting,’ the countess said through gritted fangs. ‘Change your dress and then you had better be downstairs in two minutes.’ She swiftly left the room.
Amelia sighed and slumped on to the floor. ‘Oh, Squashy,’ she said sadly. ‘I don’t think Mum knows me at all.’
CHAPTER 2
MY LIFE . . . IN SONG
‘So, are you excited about your birthnight party, Amelia?’ said Grimaldi Reaperton the next night before school. ‘I heard your mum and dad hired out the Pumpkin Patch for a whole night!’
Amelia sat quietly, tickling Squashy’s tummy. ‘I guess so,’ she said without feeling.
Amelia and her best friends Grimaldi, Florence Spudwick and Prince Tangine La Floofle the First sat under the Petrified-Tree-That-Looked-Like-a-Unicorn . Florence was a huge hairy yeti, an extremely loyal friend and a great pit-digger who did NOT like being called a beast by anybody. Tangine, on the other hand, was half-vampire, half-fairy and partial to a good face scrub.
‘A Pumpkin Patch birthnight party sounds super fun!’ said Tangine. ‘I know Pumpy will love it!’
Pumpy, Tangine’s own genetically modified pet pumpkin, tried to roll over, but fell asleep halfway through the roll.
‘Although, I’ve recently discovered Pumpy suffers from Chronic-Upside-Down-Sleep-Syndrome . . .’ said Tangine, giving Pumpy a nudge so that he was upright once again.
The huge pumpkin flexed his six-pack and PA-DOOFED once into Tangine’s arms, causing the prince to fall backwards.
‘PRINCE DOWN !’ yelled Florence as Tangine groaned.
Amelia tried to smile but couldn’t quite manage it.
‘You seem sad, Amelia,’ said Grimaldi. ‘What’s up?’
‘Me and Mum had a bit of an argument,’ sighed Amelia. ‘I told her I didn’t want to play the organ this week so that I could finish Squashy’s costume – and read more Positively Pumpkin. And she got really cross. I just don’t think I can be the perfect vampiress she wants me to be.’
‘THAT’S TOO BAD,’ said Florence, putting a big hairy arm around Amelia’s shoulders. ‘YOU’LL BE ’APPY YOU STUCK WIV THE ORGAN THOUGH. I WISH I COULD PLAY.’ She yawned.
Amelia and her friends were all feeling a little tired after the big Petrifying Palace Parade a few nights before, where everyone had celebrated the Kingdom of the Dark and the Kingdom of the Light becoming friends.
After many years of being completely terrified of the other, Creatures of the Light and the Dark could now live alongside each other in peace, since the evil Alpha Unicorn had been defeated by Amelia and her friends. Along with a group of mighty unicorn lords, Alpha Unicorn had been spreading false and scary rumours about the creatures from each kingdom to keep them divided. But thanks to Amelia and the gang, everyone was now free to roam wherever they pleased. Things were better than ever, and the Creatures of the Dark now accepted the wonders of glitter; once the stuff of utter DAYMARES!
The parade had been a LOT of fun, but after much dancing, singing and pumpkin juggling, Amelia and her friends could have done with a little bit more sleep.
From across the graveyard came the rattling sound of the Catacomb Academy welcome bones.
‘C’MON, FANG,’ said Florence to Amelia affectionately. ‘I’M SURE A BIT OF BORING OL’ SCHOOL WILL ’ELP CHEER YOU UP!’
Amelia couldn’t help but chuckle. ‘Squashy, you can stay out here in the graveyard and play with Pumpy while we’re at school.’ She gave the little pumpkin a pat on the stalk.
Squashy pa-doinged once and blew a raspberry at Pumpy. Pumpy responded by puffing his six-pack chest out at Squashy.
‘You two need to learn to be friends,’ Amelia said kindly. ‘I hope you are by the time school finishes.’
Amelia would usually sneak Squashy into class with her, but she felt having a pumpkin buddy would be good for him. It didn’t stop her from missing Squashy every second they were apart, though. Luckily, Amelia had lots of new school subjects to focus on and keep her mind occupied.
Since the Kingdom of the Dark and the Kingdom of the Light had become friends, Catacomb Academy had introduced a variety of new Kingdom of the Light themed lessons, to educate the Creatures of the Dark. Alongside Pumpkinology and Slime Skills, Amelia and her friends now also studied Angel-Kitten Singing, Cloud Crafts, Glitterology and History of the Bug Blossoms.
‘Good evening, class,’ said the headmistress, Miss Inspine, as the students settled on to their plinths. ‘Firstly, I’d like to welcome the fairy exchange students from the Kingdom of the Light. I appreciate you may be a little sleepy while you get used to the time difference,’ said Miss Inspine, addressing the fairies.
Five fairies of varying sizes waved shyly from the back of the classroom, not looking remotely alarmed that their new headmistress was a skeleton. One teeny weeny fairy with a puffy dress had fallen asleep inside a test tube and was snoring loudly.
‘Now class, you may remember I asked you all to put together a presentation on a subject of your choosing, to introduce our visitors to the Kingdom of the Dark,’ Miss Inspine continued. ‘Tangine, I believe you’re up first – what is the title of your presentation?’
Tangine stood up and strutted to the front of the classroom.
‘May I present to you, MY LIFE . . . IN SONG,’ said Tangine straightening his bow tie.
Amelia, Florence and Grimaldi looked at each other wide-eyed, trying not to laugh.
‘Um . . .’ began Miss Inspine. But before she could continue, Tangine bellowed:
‘FELLOW CLASSMATES AND FAIRIES FROM AFAR!’
‘Oh, he’s actually doing this . . .’ said Amelia, a little surprised. She’d never heard Tangine attempt to sing before.
‘Thiiiiiis story of sadness, this tale of delight . . .
Is one of the Creatures of Dark and of Liiiiiight.
For both lived in fear of the other for years,
Led by stories of beasts—’
‘I AM NOT A BEAST!’ Florence blurted out, causing the snoring fairy in the test tube to wake with a start.
Tangine glared.
‘UH, SORRY . . . NEVER MIND,’ said Florence sheepishly.
Clearing his throat, Tangine continued theatrically.
‘. . . led by stories of beasts and unicorn tears!
Two Kingdoms divided by terror and lies,
But soon they’d be in for a pleasant surpriiiiise!
One twilight, the King of Nocturnia met,
A fairy?!
Oh dear!
But she was not a threat . . .
She was kind, a true beauty, the love of his life,
And this fairy became King Vladimir’s wiiiiiife!’
‘Wow,’ Amelia whispered to her friends. ‘He’s actually really good!’
‘And soon baby Tangine was born . . .
Yes, that’s MEEEEE!
The most handsome baby you ever did see.
With the fangs of a vampire, but fairy wings too?!
Nobody could find out – who knows what they’d do?
Then suddenly, one dusk, my mother was gone,
The king wondered if he’d done something wrong.
He searched every night, every day, all year through,
And the older I got, the more distant he grew . . .’
Tangine then got down on one knee and cast his hand across his forehead dramatically.
‘I was spoilt, I was lonely, and then I started school,
But I acted a bit like a silly young fool!
I stole a pet pumpkin and took someone’s chair,
But a special friend showed me how that wasn’t fair.’
Tangine looked over to Amelia and blushed.
Amelia beamed back, happy that she and Tangine were now such good friends.
‘She found out my secret, but she wasn’t scared,
And that’s how I knew that my friend really cared.
We went on a journey to find my lost mum,
To the Kingdom of the Light in the dazzling sun!
But little did we know that the unicorn lords;
Those mighty horned horses their citizens adored . . .
Had kidnapped my mother! Oh yes, you heard right!
So, we grabbed our baguettes and we put up a fight!’
‘HEH HEH.’ Florence chuckled at the memory of brandishing bread baguettes and baked goods as weapons against Alpha Unicorn and his unicorn lords.
‘The truth was revealed – and my mother was freeeeeeed!
The Creatures of the Light and the Dark all agreed,
We’ve no need to fear one another anymore,
Together we’ve so much to learn and explore!
So, the King of Nocturnia is now full of glee!
(Even though he was briefly turned into a bee. Yes really.)
And that’s the tale of how two
kingdoms made amends,
And how the Creatures of the Light and the Dark
became frieeeeeeeends!’
Tangine threw both arms in the air, and sent glitter flying across the whole classroom. Once upon a time this would have terrified his Creature of the Dark classmates, but now everyone cheered and clapped and twirled round in the glittery rainstorm.
Amelia stood up, chanting Tangine’s name, followed by Grimaldi, and then Florence. The fairies appeared to be crying sparkly tears of joy.
‘Tangine La Floofle,’ said Miss Inspine with a look of shock on her skull. ‘That was quite possibly the best presentation any student has ever given in my class. TOP MARKS!’
CHAPTER 3
SUBLIME
After lunch, Amelia and her friends made their way to the Coughing Classroom, in the deepest recesses of Catacomb Academy, for a brand-new lesson.
‘I WONDER WHAT OUR NEW LESSON IS?’ said Florence.
‘I hope it’s more fun than Zombie Social Studies,’ said Grimaldi.
Amelia giggled. ‘I’m excited to meet our new teacher,’ she said. ‘I heard it might be someone from Glitteropolis!’
Amelia and her friends approached the classroom, where a plump and wrinkly man with thick-rimmed glasses, a big curly moustache and huge fairy wings was waiting by the door.
‘STUDENTS!’ he smiled, his teeth shining blindingly white. ‘Come in, come in! Welcome, welcome!’
Amelia, Florence, Grimaldi and Tangine took seats at the back of the classroom, carefully avoiding any snot that the Coughing Classroom spluttered in their direction.
As Amelia looked around the Coughing Classroom, she noticed it had been adorned from top to bottom with glossy print-outs of Ravishing Recipes and pictures of the new teacher posing with various cooking instruments.
Once the class had settled down, the teacher half-skipped to the front of the classroom and threw his arms out as if he were about to invite everyone over for a great big hug.
‘Hellooooo, students of Catacomb Academy!’ he sang. ‘I am terribly delighted to be joining you all in your wonderfully dark and dismal city of Nocturnia. I’m your new cookery teacher, Mr Sublime!’
‘Oooh, cookery class!’ said Amelia and Tangine in unison.
‘HEH, SOUNDS LIKE MR SLIME,’ Florence guffawed.
‘Florence !’ Amelia whispered, half-smiling.
‘I can’t wait to share some of my favourite Glitteropolan recipes with you. We’re going to have a lot of fun making a LOT of food!’ said Mr Sublime.
Tangine’s eyes lit up and a string of dribble slipped its way down his chin. ‘Hmmmm fooooood !’ he gurgled happily.
AHEM!
‘Yes?’ said the teacher, looking round at the students expectantly for more sentiments of appreciation.
‘IT WEREN’T ANY OF US THAT MADE THAT NOISE, MR SLIME. THAT WAS THE ROOM. THAT’S WHY IT’S CALLED THE COUGHING CLASSROOM,’ explained Florence.
‘Oh, I see,’ said Mr Sublime, looking a little ill as he watched a trickle of snot slide down the back wall, between two particularly dramatically posed pictures of himself with a frying pan.
Grimaldi was trying not to laugh.
Amelia elbowed Florence in the belly. ‘You can’t call him Mr Slime!’ she whispered. ‘It’s Mr Sublime !’
Grimaldi and Florence smirked.
Recovering himself, the teacher flung his arms out wide with a flourish. ‘Well, let’s get started with your first cookery class like no other! And do you know WHY it’s like no other?’ Mr Sublime didn’t wait for anyone to answer. ‘Because it has been said by many – not myself, you understand – that I am the BEST cook you’ve ever met or are likely to meet.’
‘That’s quite a statement,’ whispered Grimaldi. ‘I always thought my Grimpapa was the best cook around . . .’
‘I think you’ll find Wooo is definitely the best!’ Amelia replied.
‘Tonight, class, we will be making my favourite recipe!’ continued Mr Sublime.
‘I wonder if it’s Boasting Buns !’ Grimaldi giggled.
‘Oh no . . . we’ll be making those next week,’ said the teacher looking straight at Grimaldi, whose deathly pale cheeks flushed with embarrassment. ‘This week, we’ll be making Sublime Cookies!’
‘HEH, SLIME,’ said Florence.
Tangine rolled his eyes. ‘Are you going to do that every time?’
‘YEH AND WHAT’S IT TO YOU?’ said Florence, nudging Tangine off his plinth.