Finding Freedom
Epigraph
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
—RALPH WALDO EMERSON
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Epigraph
Prologue
Introduction
1. London Calling
2. When Harry Met Meghan
3. Courtship in the Wild
4. The World Gets Wind
5. A Prince’s Stand
6. Culture Shock
7. Tropical Storms
8. Voicing Disapproval
9. Boom!
10. Farewell Toronto
11. The Fab Four
12. A Problem Like Samantha
13. The Thomas Markle Situation
14. Stand by Me
15. Presenting the Sussexes
16. Mum’s the Word
17. Duchess Different
18. Brothers Divided
19. Nesting in Windsor
20. Welcoming Archie
21. @SussexRoyal
22. Half In, Half Out
23. The Family Meeting
24. Finding Freedom
Authors’ Note
Acknowledgments from Omid
Acknowledgments from Carolyn
Photo Section
About the Authors
Copyright
About the Publisher
Prologue
It was a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment. As we watched Meghan smooth the belt of her crisp white LINE the Label coat and brush a loose lock of hair out of her eyes, she looked over at a nervous Harry and put her hand on his back, rubbing the same spot several times. He was used to being in front of the press, but this time was different. He wasn’t advocating for one of his charities or urging leaders to take climate change seriously; he was sharing something personal: the news of his engagement to Meghan. Holding hands, they made their way to the throng of photographers waiting nearby.
“You’ve got this,” she whispered to the prince as they walked out of a small gate at the side of Kensington Palace and up the long, canopied path to the Sunken Garden, whose lily-covered water in the ornamental pond and colorful pansies, tulips, and begonias made it one of Princess Diana’s favorite spots on the estate she once called home.
This was the couple’s big engagement photo-call, at which I had arrived with only minutes to spare after a frantic highway dash from a long weekend break in Oxfordshire. Carolyn, ahead of me, was already in her place with the small huddle of royal correspondents who work directly with the royal households on a daily basis. As longtime members of this group, she and I receive intel as we shadow senior members of the British royal family at home and abroad.
The privilege of covering the royals so closely is that you are front and center for those landmark moments in their lives. We were on the steps of the Lindo Wing when George, Charlotte, and Louis each were born. It’s easy to take for granted these moments, which will one day be part of the history books. But as Harry grinned at Meghan, who held his hand between both of hers, and the cheers of well-wishers gathered in Kensington Gardens erupted in a “hip hip hooray!,” even the most hard-nosed reporters there smiled. The feeling of magic in that moment was undeniable.
Carolyn and I have closely followed the work of the Royal Family since long before Meghan joined what is known as the Firm. For years we have traveled with William, Kate, and Harry around the world. From Singapore to the Solomon Islands, Lesotho to India, the United States to New Zealand, we shared the same planes and dizzying itineraries as these young royals. I’ve always likened royal tours to a class field trip or camp, because you’re cramped together on big buses and clamoring to get the best rooms at the hotel. There’s also a sense of camaraderie, not just among the reporters, staff, and security guards but also with the royals themselves.
Take the time I lost my passport in São Paulo, Brazil. I was frantically searching my bag at the airport when I got a call from one of the palace aides. I could hear Harry’s distinctive laugh in the background. They had found my passport on the floor. Not wanting to leave me high and dry in Brazil, the prince sent over one of his protection officers, passport in hand, to my terminal so I could get to Chile on time. The next time I saw Harry, however, he forwent my name, instead calling me “Passport.” As we Brits say, he likes to take the mickey.
Being far from the scrutiny and pressures of home was also an opportunity for heart-to-hearts. On that same trip, Harry confessed to me at a small drinks gathering at our hotel that he really wished he were “just a normal guy” who could pack up and spend a year in Brazil pursuing his own passions. He said that he hated smartphones being constantly thrust in his face, that the thrum of professional camera shutters going off sometimes made him feel physically ill.
Carolyn and I always knew Harry dreamed of a life away from palace walls, but while traveling with the prince, particularly in the countryside, we noticed that his wish to be connected to everyday rural life was often accompanied by a sense of sadness. Although an impossibility, he wished to connect with the locals without the fuss his arrival always meant.
Then, as now, Harry deeply craves normalcy of the kind that his mother, Diana, tried to replicate for him on trips to amusement parks and McDonald’s. (How funny to know that the favorite part of a Happy Meal for this child, born of unimaginable wealth and privilege, was getting the cheap plastic toy inside.)
Harry is different from his brother, William, who takes after their orderly and pragmatic granny, the Queen. He’s emotional and clings to utopian ideals, yet in his way, admirably so. His desire to live outside of the Palace bubble—in everything from being a “hugger” at official engagements to insisting he serve on the front lines of war as a member of the armed forces—is a positive attribute, even if at times it causes problems for the rest of the royal family.
His wholeheartedness allowed him to start a new chapter in royal history when he fell in love with Meghan Markle.
Being a mixed-race Brit was one of the reasons that I, like a lot of the younger and more diverse demo the Duke and Duchess of Sussex turned into royal watchers, found the American actress marrying into the House of Windsor so fascinating. Funnily enough, I met Meghan before Harry did. Back in 2015, I chatted with her for the first time at a Fashion Week event in Toronto after she did press interviews on the carpet. No one was more amazed than me when just a year later, Meg (as her close friends and now husband call her) captured the heart of the most eligible bachelor this side of the pond.
Even in the early days of their relationship, it was clear that Harry had found a woman who awakened his sense of purpose with humanitarian passions that mirrored his own drive to support those on the margins of society. The world watched in amazement as the couple’s relationship rapidly developed. And Carolyn and I watched, too, as a number of tabloids went on to accuse Meghan of being a demanding and difficult social climber. Some of the British press did little to hide racial undertones in snarky commentary and headlines.
The narrative that emerged was most surprising to Meghan, who brought to her charitable interests and official engagements as the newest member of the royal family the same go-get-’em approach she’s taken from the time she was an eleven-year-old writing letters of protest to national leaders, including Hillary Clinton, over a sexist soap ad. It’s not unknown for her to stay up late into the night before events, doing her own research and preparing her own notes despite having a staff for just such work. “It’s the only way I know how to do it,” she confessed to me. That’s part of what made the prince declare he’d found the “teammate” he had always been looking for.
So, it was a surreal moment to be giving Meghan a big farewell hug in one of the state rooms at Buckingham Palace in March 2020 as she wrapped her last solo royal engagement. She and Harry had made the difficult decision to step back as senior working royals in a bid to protect their family. We had only been in the opulent 1844 Room for only happy occasions, such as engagements with the Queen or media receptions. Now even the malachite candelabras illuminating portrait paintings cast a gloomy light as the newest members of the royal family were saying goodbye not just to their staff but to an entire way of life.
Carolyn and I had been with Meghan for her final engagements but it was still hard to believe that this would be the last one. Staff who had been with the couple from day one were mourning the end of what was supposed to be a happy story: two people fall in love, get married, have a baby, serve the Queen, the end. Instead, they were leaving the country. As Meghan gave me a final hug goodbye, she said, “It didn’t have to be this way.”
Yes, Carolyn and I witnessed the many private and public struggles Harry and Meghan went through in the first two years of their marriage. Still, this was not the ending to the book that either of us expected to write—or that the couple expected to be living.
As a rule, no member of the British royal family is officially allowed to authorize a biography. However, Carolyn and I were able to gain extensive access to those closest to the couple: friends, trusted aides, senior courtiers, and many individuals in the Sussexes’ inner circle. We also accompanied Harry and Meghan on hundreds of their engagements, work trips, and tours, spanning from Ireland to Tonga, all in an effort to create an intimate and accurate portrait of a truly modern royal couple who, whether their decisions have won them praise or criticism, have always remained faithful to their own beliefs.
—Omid Scobie and Carolyn Durand, London, 2020
Introduction
With the last of their luggage arriving onto the four-acre Mille Fleurs estate in Victoria, Canada, where they would be staying for the next six weeks, Harry and Meghan breathed a collective sigh of relief. Most their belongings had already been placed in advance of their arrival in the grand his-and-hers walk-in closets of the 11,416-square-foot mansion they had rented from an acquaintance. They were worlds away from Frogmore Cottage, their home in Windsor—but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Though the smiles on their faces at public engagements had been consistent through their departure, the weeks leading up to their Air Canada flight from London’s Heathrow Airport in mid-November were anything but cheerful. Having recently launched lawsuits against three British tabloids for invasion of privacy and phone-hacking allegations, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex seemed more a target of the press than ever.
For Harry especially, it was all getting to be too much. “Doesn’t the Queen Deserve Better?” screamed a Daily Mail headline, which the prince read online. He couldn’t understand why the media were so hell-bent on tearing them down. “These people are just paid trolls,” he later told a friend. “Nothing but trolls . . . And it’s disgusting.”
Scrolling on his iPhone, he sometimes couldn’t stop himself from reading the comments on the article.
H&M disgust me.
They are a disgrace to the royal family.
The world would be a better place without Harry and Meghan in it.
The last comment had over 3,500 upvotes.
Harry instantly regretted opening the link. His stomach tied into the same knot every time he saw these sorts of comments. “It’s a sick part of the society we live in today, and no one is doing anything about it,” he continued. “Where’s the positivity? Why is everyone so miserable and angry?”
It wasn’t just the press or online trolls getting to Harry. It was also the institution of the monarchy. Barely a week went by without an aspect of their internal affairs or matters of private discussions being twisted and leaked to the press. They felt as though there were very few members of the Palace staff they could trust. Harry’s relationship with his brother, William, which had been strained for a while, was only getting worse.
If there was any silver lining, it was confirmation that their decision to take some time away from the public eye and the “noise,” as Meghan called it, was exactly what they needed. The outdoors and relative remoteness of the property in Vancouver Island’s North Saanich neighborhood would do them good—particularly after what had been a whirlwind six months since welcoming their first child in May. The new parents had worked nonstop, all while under the relentless spotlight that defines what it means to be part of the British royal family.
Even though Harry and Meghan were surrounded by pristine nature, they were anything but serene. “The ‘break’ was actually far from that,” said a source close to the couple. What appeared to the outside world like an idyllic getaway was actually an angst-ridden time, with Harry and Meghan spending hours mapping out various scenarios for their future. The prince had hit his boiling point over the ongoing arguments, rumors, and annoying back-and-forth with the Palace.
The year had seen a number of personal highs for the couple, of which the most significant was the birth of their son, Archie. The September issue of British Vogue, which Meghan guest edited, had become their fastest-selling issue ever, and the capsule clothing collection she created to raise money for the women’s unemployment charity Smart Works had been an instant sellout at Marks & Spencer and other retailers. Harry recently launched Travalyst, a new global sustainable travel initiative that he hoped would change the tourism industry for good.
Harry and Meghan planned to keep working during their stay in Canada. They had a lot on their to-do list, including finishing setting up their nonprofit organization and continuing to advocate for the charities that they were royal patrons of back home. But somehow it all felt easier to do in the Canadian estate’s wood-paneled study that looked out over the manicured grounds’ white spruce and birch trees (even if in reality they usually wound up working in the kitchen, leaving their MacBooks to make cups of tea or coffee).
Their decision to go abroad—and stay abroad for Christmas rather than return for the traditional festivities at Sandringham, the Queen’s country estate in Norfolk, with other senior members of the royal family—only reinforced the negative narrative about the couple in the UK. Newspapers were calling it a “major snub” to the Queen, even though in reality Harry had okayed his plans with his grandmother—and boss—before they left the country. The Queen, who saw Harry and Meghan regularly since they all lived on the Windsor estate, actually encouraged him to take the trip. After all, they had spent the past two Christmases at her Norfolk retreat, and other family members—including the Cambridges—had skipped festive visits here and there, too.
The Christmas decorations were not going up yet. They still had Thanksgiving to think about, and Meghan’s mother, Doria, was preparing at that moment to travel from her home in LA to the estate in Victoria. Meghan and her mother, who couldn’t wait to see her Archie, had been excitedly exchanging texts before the trip. Her grandson was growing fast and had gotten much taller since she last saw him in the summer. “He’s in the ninetieth percentile for height,” Meghan boasted to friends, before she eagerly offered to pull out her phone to show some of the many photos she had of her boy.
Though their Canadian home was temporary, Harry and Meghan had done everything they could to make sure it was baby-friendly. Sharp corners were proofed with discreet rubber pads and certain items of furniture moved out of harm’s way. With the six-month-old now standing and shuffling along the edges of furniture more than crawling, they didn’t want to take any risks. They also tried to paparazzi-proof the property. Additional fencing had been installed around the perimeter to prevent the long camera lenses they knew would eventually show up from interrupting their daily walks with Archie around the wooded landscape and sandy beachfronts.
Protecting Archie and maintaining his privacy was a top priority for the couple. It started when they chose not to give their son a royal title. Harry, who learned the dark side of growing up in the royal fish bowl early on in his life by watching his mother relentlessly chased by the paparazzi, and Meghan, quickly getting the same lesson, both wanted to ensure their son chose his own destiny rather than being forced into one by virtue of the family he had been born into.
Those first days at the waterfront home delivered the peace Harry and Meghan had been longing for. It was the first time in months that the couple—who started their days with yoga and making breakfast together—had felt any sense of calm. But despite the quiet that surrounded them, Harry and Meghan were in turmoil. A heavy decision weighed on them. After almost three years of regular attacks from the British press and a family they felt had not done enough to support them, things had to change. How and what that meant still needed sorting out, but they knew that they had to follow their hearts.
1
London Calling
Her first morning after landing in London in June 2016, Meghan headed straight to Selfridges. The young American actress was on a mission: shoe shopping.
In the Oxford Street department store, she roamed the thirty-five-thousand-square-foot shoe hall—the largest in the world—looking at her favorite designers, including Stella McCartney, Chloé, and Marc Jacobs, to see if she could find a pair worth the obscene price tags. Even though the hit cable drama Suits she starred in was now in its sixth season, Meghan was still a careful shopper. Having spent part of her childhood in a cramped converted-garage apartment in the heart of Los Angeles, the only child of divorced parents who had financial struggles, she didn’t like to waste money on trends that quickly went out of style. If she was going to invest in something, she wanted it to last, like her Sergio Rossi heels. A worrier as a kid, Meghan still harbored the feeling at times that when good things came her way, they could disappear in an instant.
But if Meghan was feeling a little expansive surrounded by the high-priced stilettos and sandals on that late June morning, she could be forgiven.
She was fresh off a luxurious girls’ weekend to the Greek island of Hydra—a trip she had organized to celebrate the upcoming wedding of Lindsay Roth, one of her best friends from college. As maid of honor, Meghan took her duties seriously, having arranged days filled with hiking, swimming, napping, and enjoying the local cuisine of the island, which, located two hours by boat from Athens, can be traveled only by bicycle or donkey.
The weekend was a far cry from the typical Vegas-style bachelorette party of climbing into limos and getting wasted in clubs, all while wearing what Meghan called “headbands of the phallic persuasion.” Instead, the group of women found more sophisticated pleasures in the Mediterranean sun and sea, fresh Greek salads and fish, lots of wine, and one another’s company.
The entire event was classic Meghan: simple yet indulgent, fun in a quiet and intimate way—and all meticulously planned. From the time she was a student, juggling school and jobs, through her years grinding out auditions for bit parts, to her becoming a successful TV star who continued to push the boundaries of her career by launching a popular lifestyle website, Meghan always had a plan. She worked hard not only crafting those plans but also seeing them through.
Her trip to London was no exception. Shoes were just the start of the itinerary she had filled completely before arriving in London. Meghan had a list of restaurants she wanted to eat in, bars that she wanted to go to, and people she wanted to meet.
It was an exciting time for the thirty-four-year-old. Her success in the competitive world of show business, which had started to open doors to opportunities of all kinds, was a product of the confidence, perseverance, and willingness to work harder than her peers that she had displayed since she was a little girl.
Meghan’s self-assurance was partly due to her parents’ devotion to their daughter. Her mother, Doria Ragland, and dad, Thomas—who met on the set of General Hospital, where he was a lighting director and she a temp in the makeup department—split up after two years of marriage. But they remained unified in the one child they shared—co-parenting Meghan without much friction, sharing custody, and celebrating holidays together.
There was no greater sign of Thomas and Doria’s dedication, however, than their commitment to Meghan’s education. Neither of Meghan’s parents went to college immediately following high school, even though Doria was in a club for gifted students at Fairfax High School in LA. After graduation, she went to work at the antiques store owned by her father, Alvin Ragland, and as a travel agent in the start of what would become a long string of jobs. Doria didn’t go to college until much later in her life because her family couldn’t afford for her to attend. And because of her own experience of struggling financially due to her lack of higher education, she always stressed to Meghan how important that was.
When it came to Meghan’s schooling, both Thomas and Doria wanted the best of the best—starting with the Little Red Schoolhouse, a small, prestigious private elementary school that had been educating Hollywood’s elite (including Johnny Depp and Scarlett Johansson) since the forties. From there, Meghan attended Immaculate Heart, an all-girls Catholic middle and high school in Los Feliz.
Keenly aware of how much her parents had sacrificed for her to attend such institutions, Meghan felt personal responsibility attached to her privilege. “Both my parents came from little, so they made a choice to give a lot . . . performing quiet acts of grace—be it a hug, a smile, or a pat on the back to show ones in need that they would be all right,” she wrote in 2016 on her lifestyle blog The Tig. “This is what I grew up seeing, so that is what I grew up being.”
Meghan was driven. Always first to raise her hand when the teacher wanted an answer or a volunteer to read out loud, she had stellar grades and attendance. Her sense of accountability extended beyond the school grounds. As a young girl coming face-to-face with a homeless man on the streets, she begged her mother, “Can we help him?” It’s not unusual for children who have come across people in need to want to help, but the difference with Meghan was that she didn’t forget once they had moved on. The rest of the day, and long after, she was left with a nagging question: “What can I do?”
At ten, Meghan first went abroad to Jamaica with her mother, who took her past the resorts that most visitors stick to and into the slums so she could get an education on how those less fortunate lived. At thirteen, Meghan volunteered in a soup kitchen on LA’s Skid Row. “The first day I felt really scared,” Meghan said. “I was young, and it was rough and raw down there, and though I was with a great volunteer group, I just felt overwhelmed.”
Wrestling with whether she should return to the soup kitchen, she turned to her theology teacher at Immaculate Heart, Maria Pollia. A Catholic Worker volunteer, Maria had a lot of experience in working with people living in the margins of society—and she wanted to inspire the young, earnest student before her to do the same.