The Fragile Ordinary
It was sweet of her to try to reassure me, but I was over it. “It doesn’t matter. Did you see who he’s hanging out with?” I wrinkled my nose in disdain. “Stevie Macdonald and those idiots. Ugh. No thanks.”
“Stevie’s not so bad,” Vicki disagreed.
“He’s disrespectful to teachers,” I argued.
“God forbid.”
I frowned at her sarcasm. “Your dad is a teacher, Vicki. It should bug you, too.”
“It would bug me if Stevie was disrespectful to my dad or to any of the teachers that give a crap, but I’ve only seen him wind up the ones that clearly are just there to pick up a payslip.”
Realizing we disagreed entirely on the matter, I stayed silent.
She laughed. “Not all of us are afraid of authority figures, babe.”
I wasn’t afraid of authority figures. I just... I respected the adults in our lives who made time to talk to us, teach us things.
God... “I’m such a geek,” I groaned.
Vicki started to shake with laughter, setting off my own, and we giggled all the way to her house.
When we stepped inside the whitewashed bungalow, Mrs. Brown kissed her daughter on the cheek in greeting and then turned to me. “It’s lovely to see you, Comet.” She engulfed me in a hug, one that I soaked up.
I could hear sounds of cartoons coming from the living room, and I could smell something amazing cooking in the kitchen.
Mrs. Brown let me go and smiled at me, taking me in. “You get prettier every day, Comet.”
I blushed furiously, unused to such compliments, and she reminded me of Vicki as she laughed at my reaction. Vicki was a gorgeous blend of her mixed heritage. Where her mum was Caucasian with light hazel eyes and golden-brown hair, her dad was British Black Caribbean with dark umber skin, dark brown eyes and dark hair he always wore close-shaven in a fade.
“Can Comet stay for dinner, Mum?” Vicki asked, and I was surprised how tentative she sounded.
It had never been a problem before for me to stay over for dinner.
Frowning, I watched uneasiness flicker in Mrs. Brown’s eyes before she nodded. “Of course.”
“Will Dad be home?”
Again, Vicki’s tone surprised me.
“He hasn’t said otherwise.”
They shared a look I didn’t understand, and the sudden tension between them made me feel like an outsider. “I really should probably just go home.”
“Nonsense.” Mrs. Brown smiled brightly at me. Falsely. “But you girls must be hungry now. Let me make you a snack,” Mrs. Brown said, striding down the hall toward the kitchen in the new extended part of the house. As she passed the living room, she raised her voice. “Ben, volume.”
Almost immediately the noise from the television lowered.
I wouldn’t want to disobey Mrs. Brown either. Although she was always kind to me, she had that matter-of-fact, authoritative personality that seemed so prevalent in GPs.
We followed her, not having to respond to her offer because she knew from experience that we weren’t going to turn down a snack. I shot a questioning look at Vicki as we walked, but she didn’t meet my gaze. Hmm.
I waved at Ben, who looked up from the couch as we passed and waved back so enthusiastically that I paused. Vicki’s little brother was quite possibly the most adorable human being in the world, and the only child I’d met thus far in my short life to make me wish my parents had given me a sibling.
“Hey, Comet.”
“Hey. How was school?”
He made a face. “It was okay.” And I assumed my opener failed to pass muster because that was all the attention I was going to get. He returned to eating a banana and watching his cartoons.
I found Vicki and Mrs. Brown in their large, modern kitchen. Whereas our kitchen was the same ugly 1980s-looking disaster that had been in the house for decades, Mr. and Mrs. Brown had bothered to update theirs, and it was all clean lines, white and shiny.
The smell of pot roast made it the most inviting space despite its starkness.
Already in the middle of putting a banana, a sandwich and a cookie on a small plate each for us, Mrs. Brown smiled up at me. “Vicki said you had a particularly good day at school today. What happened?”
I shot a dirty look at my friend and then quickly covered it with a bland smile. “Mr. Stone is teaching us Hamlet in English. Vicki knows how much I love Shakespeare.”
Vicki snorted. “Right. Shakespeare.”
Her mother shook her head, smirking. “I know I’m missing something here, but from the look on Comet’s face she doesn’t want to talk about it so I’m going to let it go.” She slid a plate over to me and then handed the other to her daughter, leaning in to cuddle her as she did so. “Stop teasing your friend about boys.”
While I blushed again at her perceptiveness, Vicki huffed. “It could be about something else.”
“Not at sixteen.”
“Know-it-all.” She rolled her eyes as she moved to the fridge and grabbed us each a bottle of water. “Thanks, Mum.”
“Yeah, thanks, Mrs. Brown.” I took my water from my friend so she could take hold of her own plate and then I let her lead the way to her bedroom at the front of the house. Ben’s was just behind hers, and her parents’ bedroom was in the new extension near the kitchen.
Vicki’s room, much like my own, had barely any wall space left uncovered. Film posters, posters of her favorite rock bands and high fashion magazine spreads were pinned to every available space. She had two dresser mannequins, one wearing a half-finished corset-top, the other an almost completed steampunk-inspired dress. A bookshelf beside them held bolts of fabric, pins, scissors, papers and trays filled with beading, sequins and ribbons. Attached to the wall behind the mannequins was a corkboard and pinned to the corkboard were her designs.
My friend was wicked talented.
There were different-colored candles everywhere, and a bed with Moroccan-inspired jewel-tone, multicolored bedding with a ton of Indian silk cushions scattered over it. I kicked off my shoes and got comfy on her bed as she settled at her computer desk and immediately bit into her sandwich.
“Vicki?”
“Hmm?”
“Is everything okay?” My skin heated as I worried I was crossing a line by asking. “Between your mum and dad?”
Her gaze dropped to the floor and she swallowed. Hard. Expelling a weighted breath, she shrugged. “They argued all summer.”
Not knowing what it must be like to have parents that argued since mine rarely did, I didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry.”
Her gaze flew to mine, and I saw the anguish she’d been hiding. “A lot of it is about money. And about me.”
“About you?”
“I’m costing them a lot.” She gestured to the area of her bedroom dedicated to her design work. “None of that comes cheap. Plus, Dad doesn’t think it’s smart to just apply to London College of Fashion and the Rhode Island School of Design. And he thinks applying to Parsons is pointless.”
It was true, Parsons School of Design in New York was one of the best design schools in the world and incredibly hard to get into, but if anyone could, it would be Vicki. I told her so.
She looked saddened rather than encouraged. “Dad wants me to apply for a business degree at St. Andrews.”
I made a face, my stomach twisting with the thought. “No. No way. Vicki, you have to pursue fashion. You’re amazing at it.”
“Mum agrees.” She gave me a tired smile. “Which is why she and Dad have been arguing a lot. Dad thinks it’s all a waste of money.”
“I don’t get it. Your dad was always so supportive.”
“Well, now reality is setting in and he realizes it’s no longer a hobby.” She shook her head. “Never mind. It’ll work out. I’m sorry about Steph in English. I was hoping we’d sit together.”
I moved with the abrupt change in subject, although I was concerned Vicki had been dealing with this all summer and hadn’t told me. And probably wouldn’t have told me if I hadn’t felt the tension in the house. Did Steph know? It bothered me to think Vicki had confided in Steph and not me.
Forcing the worry away I just nodded. “You seemed cool with her at lunch.” Even though she’d made our ears bleed talking about the upcoming impromptu audition and complaining that it was unfair for the teachers to have them give unpolished, unpracticed performances. It was only the first round of auditions, however, and she’d get a chance to practice for the second round if she made it.
Neither Vicki nor I had gotten a word in edgewise, but Vicki hadn’t seemed that concerned. Not that she was really a drama-llama anyway.
“Life is too short to get annoyed at Steph when she gets like that.” She shrugged. “Still, I could have used the break from her in class. Plus, I hate that you’re sitting on your own.”
“You know that if I couldn’t sit with you or Steph, I’d prefer to be on my own anyway.”
She nodded but stared in an assessing way.
“What?”
“I just... It would be great if you’d come out of your shell this year. People have no idea how cool you are.”
I chuckled. “Because I’m not. I can barely string two words together around new people and none around boys. Once upon a time you used to be the same.”
My friend gave me a sympathetic look. “I grew up, Comet,” she replied gently.
I flinched. “And I haven’t?”
“Just...just try harder. I think you still think you’re that little kid who couldn’t speak to her parents, much less anyone else. You’re not her anymore. Try. Please. For me?”
I nodded, the ham and cheese sandwich Mrs. Brown had made me suddenly tasting like dust in my mouth. The thought of trying to be more social made me uneasy. I didn’t want to be put in situations that made me sweat under my arms and flush strawberry red like a loser.
I wanted to feel safe and comfortable.
And I didn’t see what was so terrible about that.
THE FRAGILE ORDINARYSAMANTHA YOUNG
4
How do you conquer each moment,
When you have no one on your side?
Make peace with the idea that life,
Is just one continuous high tide?
—CC
Walking toward form class for daily registration that morning, I saw Steph coming toward me and braced myself. I worried for a second that she knew Vicki and I had been avoiding her last night, but the nearer she got to me the bigger her smile grew. When we met outside the classroom door she threw her arms around me and hugged me.
Used to Steph’s impromptu displays of affection I laughed and hugged her back.
“That was for yesterday.” She pulled out of the hug but huddled against me as we walked into our form room together. “I know I just went on and on about myself. I got so worked up about the audition. Anyway, everything okay with you?”
And this was why it was difficult to stay mad at Steph. I smiled at her as we sat down at a table together. “Everything is fine with me. How did the audition go?”
“Wait, wait.” Vicki suddenly appeared, sliding into a seat at the table. “I want to hear.”
“I already apologized to Vicki on Snapchat last night,” Steph said, which explained Vicki’s renewed enthusiasm for supporting her.
“The audition?” Vicki said.
Steph beamed. “It went great. All those hours spent singing ‘All That Jazz’ in the shower paid off. They asked me back for another audition next week.”
I squeezed her arm. “Steph, that’s great. Well done.”
“Thanks. Ahh! I so want to play Roxie.”
“You’d be the perfect Roxie,” Vicki insisted.
“Not if I have anything to do with it.”
In unison, we turned toward the new voice, and residual anger from long ago burned in my throat. Heather. It was hard for me not to resent her, and I wasn’t sure I cared if that made me unforgiving.
Vicki leaned back in her seat, one eyebrow raised. As cool and laid-back as my friend was, she could also emanate serious pissed-off vibes. Like now. “And what does that mean?”
Heather smirked. “I made it to the second round auditions, too.” Her gaze zeroed in on Steph, who was staring up at her with a mixture of guilt and irritation in her eyes. “And I’m going after the part of Roxie.”
This was a surprise, because Heather had been director’s assistant on the school shows for the past few years. She loved bossing people around. She had not, however, played a part before.
Why now?
Perhaps because Steph had snogged Heather’s ex-boyfriend at her party and she was evil and vindictive?
We were all thinking it.
Vicki snorted. “Good luck with that, but I wouldn’t hold your breath.”
“Why?” Heather’s gaze locked with Steph’s. “Because you’re so special? Aye, right.”
“Take a walk, McAlister,” Vicki huffed. “No one likes a drama-llama.”
My onetime nemesis gave Vicki a narrow-eyed gaze but strutted across the room, hips swaying, hair swinging, and took a seat with her friends.
“I hate the way she walks.” Steph glowered. “Where does she think she is? At a bloody runway show?”
There was a tiny, tiny part of me that was a little gleeful about all this. It was wrong. It was small. I knew that. But Steph had been disloyal once in order to play nice with Heather McAlister, and now she was getting a taste of why it was futile to suck up to a girl like Heather. She enjoyed causing problems and misery for people.
“What a cow.” Steph turned to look at us, her blue eyes round with shock. “Was she always such a cow?”
Vicki and I exchanged a look. “Yes.”
“God. You kiss someone’s ex-boyfriend and you might as well have murdered him, the way she’s acting.”
I caught sight of movement in my peripheral and turned as Andy Walsh, a video-game-and-rugby-obsessed boy in our class who somehow managed to cross social cliques with admirable proficiency, leaned his chair on its back legs toward us. He balanced it perfectly as he whispered to us, “It’s not about Lister. She’s just pissed off because King messed around with her at her party but doesn’t want to date her.”
Tobias.
“So she’s taking it out on me?” Steph whined.
Andy shrugged. “She’s taking it out on everyone. And it’s not like King made her any promises.”
I noted the hero worship in Andy’s eyes and just stopped myself from rolling mine.
Vicki grinned at him. “Seriously? That would make him the first guy to not run around panting at Heather’s arse.”
Andy grinned back. “The guy is a god among men.”
I groaned but Vicki chuckled. “I don’t know about that, but I’m definitely starting to like him more.”
Once Andy had turned his attention from us, Steph leaned toward me. “I know why she’s being a bitch to me, but now I also know why she was a bitch to you, Comet. At the party I asked her friend Liza why Heather has such a problem with you.”
Not really sure I wanted to know why Heather had a problem with me, I stiffened.
Vicki, however, demanded, “Tell us, then.”
“Well...” Steph’s eyes lit with the power of knowing gossip we didn’t. “Apparently, Heather’s life isn’t as perfect as she wants people to think. Her parents are on her constantly to be the best. At everything. And she was. She was top of her class at her primary school. Then first year hits and you, Comet, scored top marks in our English and history projects in the first term. Liza said her parents gave her such a hard time about it, and that’s why she came after you. That’s why she can’t stand you. Because you showed her up to her parents.”
Despite Heather’s cruelty, I felt more than a flicker of compassion. While my parents didn’t show me enough attention, Heather’s sounded overbearing. It didn’t soothe the humiliation I’d felt when she was bullying me, but at least now I understood that her lashing out had nothing to do with me personally.
It would appear to be a pattern of Heather McAlister: taking her crap out on the wrong people.
After registration, we dispersed for our classes, Heather throwing Steph another sneering, challenging look before she left. I shook my head, patting my friend’s shoulder in comfort. “Ignore her. She can’t even play the part of the villain originally.”
“Eh?”
“Well...” I gestured to where Heather had disappeared down the corridor. “It’s like she’s watched every American mean-girl movie and combined and adopted the roles as her own.”
“It doesn’t matter. She’s still trying to mess with me.” Steph worried her lip.
Vicki threw an arm around Steph’s neck. “Like we’d ever let that happen.”
Our friend gave us a grateful but still tremulous smile, and we parted ways for our different classes.
* * *
Every day in English Mr. Stone told us he would assign a part from Hamlet to a student and we’d read through a scene. The thought made me nervous, because I was soft-spoken and hated having to try to project my voice to be heard in the room. As I waited for everyone to filter in to class at seventh period, the nervousness I felt dissipated as Tobias walked into the room with Andy. Andy murmured something to him, and they both looked at Heather. Andy punched Tobias playfully on the arm, almost in a good luck, man kind of way, and Tobias walked toward Heather wearing a blank expression on his face.
Mr. Stone had told us yesterday that the seats we had chosen were now our assigned seats for the rest of the year. Tobias was stuck.
I tried to appear inconspicuous as I followed his movement, peeking at him from behind strands of my hair. Heather glared at him as he approached, and then shifted her seat and her stuff away from him like he had a disease.
He didn’t acknowledge her, instead taking his seat and leaning back in his chair with his hands behind his head like he hadn’t a care in the world.
Soon class was in full progress and I was happy to escape unscathed as Mr. Stone asked Steph to read the queen’s part.
There was a moment of awkwardness when he asked Tobias King to read for Hamlet.
“No thanks,” Tobias replied, creating a hush of shock in the room.
Mr. Stone crossed his arms and stared impassively at the newcomer. “No thanks?”
“Yeah.”
I looked over my shoulder, because everyone was looking at him and it was nice to be able to stare without anyone watching me. Tobias had his chair tipped on its hind legs with his arms over the back of it, all casual insolence.
“I wasn’t really giving you an option, Mr. King. Participation is a part of the grade in this class.”
Tobias shrugged, staring at my favorite teacher. “Then I guess you’ll need to mark me down because I’m not reading the part of some pansy-assed Danish dude that wants to screw his mom and can’t get over the fact dear old daddy is dead.”
There was sniggering around the room but not from me. I turned away from the boy I’d thought was beautiful when I’d first seen him. Funny how the more I heard from him, the less attractive he became to me.
Mr. Stone scowled at Tobias. “You don’t have to read, Tobias, but you do have to show me some respect. Watch your language and get your chair on the ground. Now.”
Mr. Stone’s authority rang around the room, and I peeked back over my shoulder to see Tobias do as he was bid. However, he didn’t wipe that annoyingly bored look off his face.
It was almost comical how quickly Michael Gates, a guy in the year above us, agreed to read the part of Hamlet after that.
Mr. Stone relaxed, clearly refusing to allow one kid to ruin the class, and we continued.
“‘Good Hamlet, cast thy nighted color off, and let thine eye...’” I wanted to look over my shoulder and grin at Steph as she read, because she was reading the queen’s part in a fake English accent that was causing a buildup of giggles in the back of my throat.
Michael read as Hamlet with absolutely no inflection or enthusiasm. Poor William must have been rolling in his grave to hear it.
“Stop there, Michael, thank you,” Mr. Stone said. “What do you think is being said here between the queen and Hamlet? Comet?”
I raised my head from the words on the page, feeling everyone stare at me.
Mr. Stone gazed at me encouragingly. “What do you think, Comet?”
It wasn’t that I wasn’t used to answering questions in class. We’d had to do class talks, where we either did a presentation to a group of peers or to the entire class. I’d hated every minute of those, but I’d gotten through them. I guess I was nervous because there was a person in our class who had never heard me talk, and I was passionate about this stuff, while he seemed to think it was all a joke.
Come on, Comet. Like you should care what that Neanderthal thinks of you?
“I think,” I started, “the queen is questioning Hamlet’s continued grief over losing his father. When she says, ‘cast thy nighted color off’ she means his mourning clothes and his mood. And then she asks why, when everyone knows of the inevitability of death, should Hamlet’s father’s death be so unique. It’s almost like she’s questioning whether Hamlet’s grief is real or for show, and Hamlet replies that yes, from his outward behavior it might be easy to think he’s just acting a part, but he insists that his grief is deeper than mere appearance.”
Mr. Stone stared at me a moment and the class seemed to wait with bated breath along with me. A slow smile curled his mouth and he nodded. “Excellent, Comet.”
I flushed, relaxing in my chair, as he asked Michael, who was reading the king’s part, to continue.
Pleased with myself, relieved I really did understand the flowery, beautifully overcomplicated prose of Shakespeare, I settled back in my seat to follow the rest of the scene. But that burning sensation I had on my neck when the class was staring at me, waiting for me to answer, hadn’t gone away. In fact, it felt like my neck was burning hotter.
Giving in to temptation, I glanced over my shoulder, searching for the cause, and froze, breath and all, when I did.
Tobias King was looking at me.
Really looking at me.
Our gazes held for a moment, and my cheeks grew warm as my heart picked up pace.
Tobias frowned and jerked his gaze away.
Flushing harder, I turned back fully in my seat and willed my heart rate to slow.
So what if Tobias King had finally noticed me. He was a bad boy. He was arrogant, cocky, hanging out with guys who were going nowhere in life, and he definitely shouldn’t be in my Higher classes with me. I was not attracted to this boy, and I should not feel a thrill of anticipation, a flutter of butterflies, just because we’d made eye contact.
No.
Nope.
Definitely NOT.
I was Comet Caldwell. I might be many things, and not many other things, but I was above having a crush on a boy who disdained Shakespeare.
* * *
“Uh, Comet.” Mr. Stone approached me after the bell rang.
I looked up from putting my books and jotter away. “Yes?”
My teacher leaned a hand on the desk and lowered his voice as the rest of the class filtered out for their last class of the day. “I was wondering if perhaps your dad might be interested in coming in next term to talk with the class about writing skills.”
An instant flush of irritation rushed through me and then worse...
Self-doubt.
Had Mr. Stone paid attention to me only because of who my dad was?
“I just found out.” He smiled, looking sheepish. “I never put K. L. Caldwell and your dad together. It was Mrs. Bennett that told me yesterday.”
Mrs. Bennett was my third-year English teacher. She’d also tried to get me to ask dad to come speak with the class.
“Um...” I stood up, pulling the strap of my heavy bag onto my shoulder. “Did Mrs. Bennett tell you my dad doesn’t do school talks?”
The light of anticipation died in his eyes as he straightened. “She mentioned it. I was just hoping he might have changed his mind.”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Mr. Stone. I really am. But it’s not his thing. He asked me not to ask him again. He doesn’t like being put in the position of having to say no to me,” I lied.