Forever and a Day

“What can I do to make it up to you, Emily Jane?” Roy said, his hands in a prayer position. “How can I even begin to heal the damage I caused?”

“Why don’t you start by filling in the blanks,” Emily replied. “Tell me what happened. Where you went. What you’ve been doing all these years.”

Roy blinked, as though surprised by Emily’s line of questioning.

“It was the wondering that killed me,” Emily explained, sadly. “If I’d just known you were safe somewhere, I could have dealt with it. You have no idea how many scenarios I cooked up in my mind, how many different lives I imagined you were living. I spent years not being able to sleep because of it. It was like my mind wouldn’t stop conjuring up options until it found the correct one, even though there was no way for it to do so. It was an impossible, futile task, but I couldn’t stop. So that’s how you can help. Start by giving me the truth, by telling me what I didn’t know for all those years. Where were you?”

Roy’s tears finally slowed. He snuffled, dabbing his eyes with his sleeve. Then he cleared his throat.

“I split my time between Greece and England. I made a home for myself in Falmouth, Cornwall, on the coast of England. It’s a beautiful place. Cliffs and wonderful scenery. There’s a fantastic artists’ scene there.”

How fitting, Emily thought, remembering his obsession with Toni’s artwork, the way in which he’d hung one of her lighthouse paintings up in the New York City home he’d shared with Patricia, and how angry Emily herself had felt when she’d realized how brazen he’d been, how disrespectful.

“How did you afford it?” Emily challenged. “The police said there’d been no activity in your bank accounts. It was one of the reasons I thought you were dead.”

Roy winced at the word. Emily could tell how bad he felt to be confronted by the pain he’d put her through. But he needed to hear this. And she needed to say it. It was the only way they could move forward.

“I didn’t sell any of my antiques, if that’s what you mean,” he began. “I left all of that for you.”

“Am I supposed to thank you?” Emily asked bitterly. “It’s not like a diamond can make up for years of neglect.”

Roy nodded sadly, taking the brunt of her angry words. Emily began to accept that he was acknowledging her, that he was no longer trying to explain his actions but to listen instead to the hurt they had caused her.

“You’re right,” he said quietly. “I didn’t mean to imply that it could.”

Emily tensed her jaw. “Well go on, then,” she said. “Tell me what happened after you left. How you supported yourself.”

“At first I lived from one day to the next,” Roy explained. “I made money doing whatever I could. Odd jobs. Car and bike repairs. Tinkering. I found my feet making and repairing clocks. I still do that now. I’m a horologist. I make ornate clocks with hidden keys and secret compartments.”

“Of course you do,” Emily said, bitterly.

The look of shame returned to Roy’s face.

“What about love?” Emily asked. “Did you ever settle down?”

“I live alone,” Roy replied sadly. “I have since I left. I didn’t want to cause anyone any more pain. I couldn’t bear to be around people.”

For the first time, Emily began to feel sympathy for her father, imagining him lonely, living like a hermit. She started to feel as though she had released as much pain as she needed to, that she had blamed him enough to finally be able to hear his story. A cathartic wave washed over her.

“It’s why I don’t really use any modern technology,” Roy continued. “There’s a phone booth in town that I use to make my calls, which are few and far between. The local post office lets me know if anyone’s responded to my horologist ad. When I’m feeling strong enough, I go to the local library and check my emails to see whether you’ve been in touch.”

Emily paused, frowned. This was surprising to her. “You do?”

Roy nodded. “I’ve been leaving clues for you, Emily Jane. Every time I came back to the house I left another crumb for you to find. The email address was the biggest step I took because I knew as soon as you found it, it would provide a direct line from you to me. But the anticipation, the waiting, it was unbearable. So I limited myself to only a few checks a year. When I got your email I flew right here.”

Emily realized then that this was the reason for those additional months of anguish he’d put her through after she’d learned he was still alive and then had contacted him. He hadn’t been ignoring her or avoiding her, he simply hadn’t seen her email.

“Is that true?” she asked, her voice straining as tears filled her eyes. “Did you really come here as soon as you saw I’d been in touch?”

“Yes,” Roy replied, his voice barely a whisper. His own tears had begun to fall again. “I’ve been hoping and wishing and dreaming for you to get in contact. I figured that one day you would come back to this place, when you were ready. But I also knew you’d be angry with me. I wanted the ball to be in your court. I wanted you to be the one to make contact with me because I didn’t want to intrude on your life. If you’d moved on without me I thought it would be best to keep it that way.”

“Oh, Dad,” Emily gasped.

Something, finally, was released from within Emily. Something about this last, final, heartbreaking admission from her father was what she’d been needing to know all along. That he was waiting on her to make the move. He hadn’t been avoiding her, keeping himself hidden, he’d been dropping crumbs for her, trusting that once she put all the pieces together she’d make her own decision about whether or not she could forgive him and allow him back into her life.

She stood and hurried to the opposite couch, throwing her arms around her neck. She sobbed against his shoulder, deep sobs racking through her body. Roy clung to her, shaking too from the outpouring of grief.

“I’m so sorry,” he choked, his voice muffled by her hair. “I’m so, so sorry.”

They stayed like that for a long time, holding each other, shedding every tear they needed to, squeezing out every last drop of pain. Finally the crying ceased. Everything became silent.

“Do you have any more questions?” Roy finally said quietly. “I’m not going to keep secrets from you anymore. I’m not going to hide anything.”

Emily felt exhausted, spent with emotion. Her father’s chest rose and fell with each deep breath he took. She was so tired she felt as if she could fall asleep right here in his arms. But at the same time, she still had a million questions burning in her mind, but one more than others.

“The night when Charlotte died…” she began. “Mom filled me in with some stuff but she only gave me one side of the story. What happened?”

Roy’s arms tightened around her. Emily knew it was hard for him to remember that night but she desperately wanted to know the truth, or at least his version of it. Maybe she’d be able to plaster together the three parts – Patricia’s, Roy’s, her own – and create something that made sense.

“I’d taken you for Thanksgiving and Christmas,” Roy began. “Things weren’t going well with your mom so she stayed home. But then you both came down with the flu.”

“I think I remember,” Emily said. She’d flashed back to some childhood memories of fevers. “Toni’s dog, Persephone, was there. I collapsed in the hall.”

Roy nodded, but he looked embarrassed. Emily knew why; this had been a turning point in his affair with Toni, the point when he’d been brazen enough to have his mistress’s and his children’s lives intersect.

“Do you remember your mom turning up unannounced?” Roy said.

Emily shook her head.

“She’d wanted to be there to look after you both since you were so sick.”

“That doesn’t sound like Mom,” Emily said.

Roy laughed. “No, it doesn’t. Maybe it was an excuse. She suspected the affair and it was her way of turning up unannounced and catching me in the act.”

Emily let out a subdued nod. That was more her mother’s style.

“You must have blocked out the argument because I’m sure we were shouting loud enough for them to hear at the harbor.” He shrugged. “I don’t know if it was that that woke Charlotte up. She was on medicine that made her groggy. You both were. But she woke up and I suppose she got confused looking for us, or was just generally feeling unwell and on medication. She ended up in the outhouse with the pool. I suppose you know the rest.”

Emily did. But what she didn’t realize was how little of a role she’d had to play in it all. It wasn’t her fault for not waking when Charlotte did and stopping her sister wandering away. Nor was it her fault for speaking so enthusiastically about the new pool and planting the excitement in her sister’s mind to go and see it. She’d been ill, confused, possibly even terrified by their parents’ fight. None of it had been her fault. Not a single bit.

Emily felt a sudden sense of release. Weight she hadn’t even realized she’d been carrying lifted from her shoulders. She’d been clinging onto her guilt over Charlotte’s death, even after her mom had clarified that it hadn’t been her fault. Now she felt as if her father had given her permission to let go of that guilt.

She snuggled in to him, feeling a new sense of peace settle over her.

Just then, the quietness was broken by the sound of soft knocking on the door. Daniel peered around.

“Daniel, come in,” Emily said, beckoning him. She wanted him here now that she and her dad had gotten everything out in the open. She needed his support.

He came and perched on the edge of the couch opposite them. Emily wiped the tears from her lashes, but remained clinging to her father, curled up like a child beside him on the couch.

“Does anyone need anything?” Daniel asked softly. “A tissue? A stiff drink?”

It was just what the moment needed to cut through all the heaviness. Emily hiccupped out a laugh. She felt Roy’s rumbling laugh in his belly.

“I could do with a drink,” she said.

“So could I,” Roy replied. “Is the bar stocked?”

Daniel took the lead. “It is. Come on. It’s so fantastic in there. I’ll make us drinks.”

Emily hesitated. “Dad, is that a good idea?” she said.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Roy replied, looking confused.

Emily lowered her voice. “Because of your drinking problem.”

Roy looked astounded. “What drinking problem?” Then his face paled. “Did Patricia tell you I was an alcoholic?”

“You were an alcoholic,” Emily replied. “I remember you drinking. All the time.”

“I drank heavily,” Roy admitted. “We both did, your mom and I. It’s one of the reasons our relationship was so volatile. But I wasn’t an alcoholic.”

“What about the eggnogs for breakfast on Christmas?” she asked, remembering how testy her father had been when she’d kicked his drink over.

“That was just Christmas!” Roy exclaimed.

Another piece of Emily’s past realigned itself. She’d fallen for Patricia’s bitter, skewed version of events, had allowed them to replace her own memories of her father. She felt a surge of fury at her mother for making Roy into the villain of their most traumatic experience.

They went into the speakeasy and took seats at the bar. Daniel got to work on the cocktails.

“We have a bartender in the evenings to do this,” he explained to Roy. “Alec. He’s fantastic. Better than me anyhow.”

He poured them each a margarita. Roy took a sip.

“That tastes fantastic,” he said. Then, a little coyly, he added, “I must say what a fine young gentleman you’ve turned out to be.”

Emily felt her heart soar. She smiled, elated finally, feeling like everything was how it ought to be.

“I have you to thank for that,” Daniel replied, shyly, not quite looking Roy in the eye. “For introducing me to things I cared about. Fishing. Sailing.”

“You still sailing?” Roy asked.

“I have a boat at the harbor. Restored thanks to Emily. We take it out as a family. Chantelle loves it too. She’s great at fishing.”

“I still sail a lot as well,” Roy said. “When I’m not working on a clock I spend my time out on the boat. Or in the garden.”

“Do you remember that day you taught me how to grow vegetables?” Daniel asked.

“Of course,” Roy replied. He smiled, reminiscing. “I’d never seen such a scruffy punk of a kid work so hard with a trowel.”

Daniel laughed. “I was eager to learn,” he said. “To take the opportunity. Even if on the outside it looked like I hated the world.”

Emily found it strange to see them joking and laughing. There was so much less hurt between them. It was more like a camaraderie. Daniel had been forever thankful for the man who’d given him a chance when he needed it, even if that same man had disappeared on him as well. Maybe it was just a surprise to Emily to realize how close they had been once, knowing, also, that the summer they’d spent together had been a summer she and her father had spent apart.

Her phone buzzed then and she saw a text from Amy about their scheduled arrival that afternoon. She and Jayne had some urgent business stuff to attend to and were making a stop so would be arriving later than planned. Emily realized, guiltily, that she’d completely forgotten they were on their way. She’d been so caught up with her father everything else had gone out of her mind.

She quickly texted back and then returned her attention to her father and Daniel. They were laughing breezily again.

“I’m so glad that the boat managed to hold,” Daniel was exclaiming. “Who’d have thought the weather would turn like that? A storm in the middle of summer.”

“It was unfortunate timing,” Roy replied. “Considering it was your first ever boat ride.”

“Well, I had the best teacher so I wasn’t that scared.” He smiled, his eyes far away in reminiscence. “Thank you for introducing me to boats, to the water and sailing. I can’t imagine my life without them now.”

Emily watched on as Roy smiled along with Daniel. Now that she had released her anger she felt an overwhelming sense of peace, of rightness. This should always have been how it was. Her dad hanging out with her fiancé, enjoying one another’s company, looking forward to soon becoming part of the same family.

It may have come a little late, but she was going to do everything she possibly could now to enjoy it.

As the evening wore on, Daniel made another batch of cocktails. He set a glass down in front of Emily just as her phone buzzed with an incoming call.

“It’s Amy,” she explained. “I’d better take it.”

“Amy? From high school?” Roy asked, raising an eyebrow.

Emily nodded. “We’re still friends,” she informed him. “She’s a bridesmaid. She’s helping with a lot of the wedding preparations.”

Emily dashed out of the speakeasy and took the call.

“Em, we’re so sorry,” Amy began. “The call took ages and now we’re both too exhausted to drive. We’re going to have to stop here over night. Don’t hate us.”

“I won’t,” Emily told her, secretly relieved that her friends weren’t going to interrupt the reunion with her father.

“We’ll leave first thing in the morning,” Amy added.

“Honestly, Amy, it’s fine,” Emily said. “Some stuff’s come up here anyway.”

“What stuff? Wedding stuff? Daniel? Sheila?” She sounded concerned.

“It’s nothing like that,” Emily explained. Then she took a deep breath. “Amy, my dad is here.”

There was a long silence. “What? How? Are you okay?”

Emily didn’t know how to answer that, and she really didn’t want to go into it too much now. She hadn’t fully absorbed it yet. She needed time to untangle her emotions and make sense of it all.

“I’m fine. Let’s talk about it when you get here.”

Amy didn’t sound convinced. “Okay. But if you need someone to talk to, call me right away. See you tomorrow.”

Emily ended the call and went back to the speakeasy, to the joyful laughter of Roy and Daniel. Old bosom buddies back together again.

“Well,” Roy said, draining the last of the liquor from his glass. “I think it’s probably time for me to make myself scarce. Looks like you have guests to attend to.”

Emily felt panicked at the thought of Roy leaving. “I have staff, they’re covering everything. It’s fine for us to spend time together. You don’t have to go.”

Roy noticed her panic-stricken appearance. “I just meant that it might be time to retire. To sleep.”

“You mean you’re staying?” Emily said, surprised. “Here?”

“If you have space?” Roy said meekly. “I didn’t mean to be presumptuous.”

“Of course you can stay!” Emily exclaimed. “How long are you planning to be here?”

“Until the wedding if it’s not a problem. I could help out a bit with preparations if needed.”

Emily was stunned. Not only was her father here, but he was planning on being here for over a week! It really was a dream come true.

“That would be wonderful,” she said.

They went upstairs and checked Roy into the room beside his study. Emily knew he’d want to go in there at some point, probably alone.

“Will this room be okay?” she asked.

“Oh yes. It’s quite lovely,” Roy replied. “And right beside my secret staircase.”

Emily frowned. “Your what?”

“Don’t tell me you never found it,” Roy said. There was a glint of mischief in his eye, one that revealed the brush with madness he’d once had, the spiraling downward that had turned his playful nature for treasure maps into secrecy and locked vaults with hidden combinations.

“Do you mean the staircase to the widow’s walk?” Emily asked. “I found that. But it’s on the third floor.”

Roy clapped loudly then, as though suddenly delighted. “You never found it! The servants’ staircase.”

Emily shook her head. “But I’ve seen the schematics of the whole house. Your speakeasy was the last hidden place on there.”

“Something’s not hidden if it’s on schematics!” Roy exclaimed.

“Show us,” Daniel said. He seemed excited, like he had been when the bar had been discovered.

Roy led them into his study. “Didn’t you wonder why there was a chimney breast against this wall?” He knocked it, and it let out a hollow sound. “All the other chimney breasts are on external walls. This one is internal.”

“It didn’t even cross my mind,” Emily said.

“Well, it’s behind here,” Roy said. “If you wouldn’t mind giving me a hand, Daniel.”

Daniel readily obliged. They removed what Emily saw now was a fake wall, papered to be the same as the rest of the room. And there it was. A staircase. Plain, nothing particularly beautiful to look at, but it was its very existence that excited them.

“I can’t believe it,” Emily said, stepping inside. “Is this why you chose this room as your study?”

“Of course,” Roy replied. “The stairs were a shortcut for the servants to get to the sleeping quarters without being seen by the people in the house. It just goes from here down into the basement, which is where the servants would have slept back in the day.”

“And this is the only way in,” Emily stated, realizing now why she hadn’t found it. The basement still contained rooms unexplored to her, and her father’s study was the room she’d messed with the least.

Roy nodded. “Surprise.”

Emily laughed and shook her head. “So many secrets.”

They headed out of the study and Roy went into his bedroom. Emily went to close the door behind him, but he reached out for her and gave her a kiss goodnight.

Emily stopped, stunned. Her father hadn’t kissed her for so many years, even well before he’d walked out of her life.

“Good night, Dad,” she said hurriedly.

She shut the door and scurried to her room. Once safely inside, Daniel immediately wrapped her up in a much needed hug.

“How are you holding up?” he asked softly, gently rocking her in his arms.

“I can’t believe he’s really here,” she stammered. “I keep thinking this is a dream.”

“What did you guys talk about?”

“Everything. I mean I know I’m still processing everything but it was cathartic. I feel like we can put all the hurt behind us now and start afresh.”

“So those are happy tears making my shoulder wet?” Daniel joked.

Emily drew back and laughed at the dark patch on Daniel’s shirt. “Oops, sorry,” she said. She hadn’t even realized she’d been crying.

Daniel kissed her lightly. “There’s nothing to apologize about. I get that this is going to be tough. If you need to cry or laugh or shout or anything, I’m here. Okay?”

Emily nodded, so grateful to have such a beautiful human in her life. And now with her dad here, she felt like everything was really slotting into place. At last, after so many years living an unfulfilling life, she felt like she was now finally going to get to live the life she deserved.

Her wedding was only a week away. And now, for the first time, with everyone around her whom she loved, she felt truly ready for it.

Now it was time to get married.