A Long Way from Home

‘We’ll be back soon,’ Elaine said through the window. But the image on Anastasia’s little face imploring them not to go would haunt them in the months to come.

It was Danny who took them to the airport the next day and he seemed to appreciate that they didn’t want to talk much. He had the radio on low, tuned to a local station, and wasn’t his usual chatty self, only occasionally making a remark – about the weather or traffic. As they neared the airport he said, ‘I’m sorry you have to go home without your child.’

‘It’s not your fault, Danny,’ Ian said.

‘But I have got to know you during our trips to the orphanage so I am sorry. Perhaps if I have time I can visit Anastasia and tell her you will be back soon.’

‘That’s very kind of you,’ Ian said. Elaine kept quiet, struggling to hold back fresh tears.

At the airport Danny parked in the passenger drop-off area and took their cases from the boot. ‘I see you here in three months’ time,’ he said more cheerfully. ‘When you book the cab ask for Danny and I come to meet you.’

‘We will. Thank you for everything,’ Ian said, and they shook hands warmly. They felt they had at least one friend in the country who understood.

Elaine and Ian were emotionally exhausted from all they’d been through and slept for most of the flight, even though it was daytime. In England they had to take a train from the airport to their home town and then a cab to their house. It was late evening when they arrived at their modest three-bedroom house, but its neatly tended front garden seemed very bright and upmarket after the drabness of the orphanage. Their neighbour had been cutting their lawn, watering the plants and generally keeping an eye on the place while they’d been away. They’d messaged her with the date they’d be back, adding that the adoption had been postponed. They’d see her tomorrow to thank her and give her the gift they’d bought, but for now they just wanted to get inside.

As they set their cases down in the hall the comfortable, welcoming familiarity they usually felt on returning home was now tainted with the knowledge that they should have been returning as a family. Upstairs was the nursery, decorated and ready with a cot, changing station and first-year clothes and toys, all of which would need sorting out at some point, and the room would remain empty for now. They’d also have to telephone their friends and family and explain what was happening, as they’d told them only the minimum while they’d been away.

Elaine made them a cup of tea using the milk their neighbour had put in the fridge while Ian took their cases up to their room. Then, to try to relax ready for bed, they put the television on so they didn’t have to talk and have yet another worrying conversation about Anastasia. They’d said it all. Ian was planning to return to work the following day, when he would talk to his boss about the two weeks’ leave he’d need in November. He wasn’t looking forward to the well-meant questions and comments from his boss and colleagues who knew the reason he’d been away but not the result. Elaine wasn’t sure what she was going to do for the next three months, but thought she should find some temporary work. It would help pay the bills and would also stop her from sitting at home worrying. They opened their mail, of which there was a lot. It included an adoption congratulations card from Ian’s brother and family – sent early and assuming all would go to plan. Ian said he’d phone him and deal with the mail tomorrow.

Over the next week, as Ian submerged himself in his work, Elaine grew more and more down. She telephoned her sister and told her what had happened, but didn’t contact any of her friends or log into the online support group for international adoption. Her thoughts were permanently with Anastasia and the image of her little face at the gate as they’d said goodbye. What was the poor child thinking and feeling now? How was she coping? Had Dr Ciobanu and the care workers reassured her they would be back? Elaine doubted it – not in any depth, they were all too busy. Anastasia was one of many children, most of whom had multiple needs.

Elaine kept returning to the nursery even though it made her cry. She couldn’t face sorting out Lana’s possessions. She just sat on the pink velvet child’s chair and looked around as her thoughts grew increasingly gloomy and morose. Not usually one to suffer from depression, she now found herself sliding down a long, dark tunnel with no way out and no light at the end. The walls closed in and she tormented herself with speculation that when they returned for Anastasia they would be told that she, too, was dead. The thought plagued her during the day and kept her awake at night, while Ian, tired from work, slept soundly beside her.

At the end of the second week, while Ian was at work, Elaine telephoned the orphanage and the phone was answered after many rings by a care worker.

‘Is Dr Ciobanu there?’ she asked, her voice faltering.

‘He not here,’ came the heavily accented reply.

‘This is Mrs Hudson. Is Anastasia well?’ She hoped the care worker understood enough to be able to reassure her.

‘Yes. She’s well. I tell Dr Ciobanu you phone.’

‘Thank you. Will you tell Anastasia I phoned too?’

‘Yes. I tell her. Goodbye.’

So at least Anastasia was alive.

Two days later Dr Ciobanu emailed to say Anastasia was doing well and looking forward to seeing them again, although Elaine doubted she had expressly said she was looking forward to seeing them again. She couldn’t picture it and thought it was Dr Ciobanu again telling them what they wanted to hear, and it didn’t really help. Ian, whose life had returned to some normality with work, was worried about Elaine, but also losing patience with her growing gloom and despondency. He suggested she made an appointment to see their doctor, or at least have a chat with Maggie, the founder of the support group for international adoption who Ian had messaged while away. Elaine did neither until the following week, after she and Ian had a blazing argument.

‘You’ve got to snap out of it!’ Ian cried, tired at the end of the day. ‘Anastasia is going to need a lot of care when we bring her back and you’re in no fit state to help her. Get yourself sorted out now or we won’t be going back!’ He stormed out of the room and went upstairs.

He apologized later and said he hadn’t meant the threat of not going back – he was as attached to Anastasia as Elaine was. But it was the wake-up call Elaine needed. She telephoned Maggie and cried as she confessed all her worries and told her in detail what they’d been through. They were on the phone for over an hour and Maggie was able to reassure her so that when they finished Elaine felt far more positive. Taking Maggie’s advice, she sorted out the nursery, bagging up what they didn’t need and making a list of what she had to buy for Anastasia. It would be winter when they went back so she’d need warm clothes. While Elaine was in town she registered with an employment agency that specialized in temporary work and by the next morning had a position in a local firm to cover staff sickness. It gave her a new focus, and although she still thought of Anastasia and missed her, she was in the real world again and far more positive. What started off as one week’s work stretched to five, so that by the time the contract ended there were only three weeks before they had to fly out for the adoption.

Dr Ciobanu emailed confirming all would be going ahead for 11 a.m. on 23 November and they should arrive in the country no later than twenty-four hours before. He added that Anastasia was looking forward to seeing them and he hoped they were both well. Ian emailed back saying they’d arrive on 18 November so they could spend time with Anastasia in the days before the hearing. Then he booked the flight tickets: two seats confirmed going out and three reserved coming back. Aged two and a half, Anastasia would need a seat of her own, but they couldn’t confirm it until they had her passport number after the court hearing. They were very excited but also anxious that all would go to plan.

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