Before He Covets
“Hey, Colby,” she said. “What is it?”
“Were you asleep?” Colby asked.
“Yeah.”
“Oh my God. I’m sorry. I figured you’d be up at the crack of dawn this morning, with everything that’s going on.”
“It’s just graduation,” Mackenzie said.
“Ha! I wish that’s all it was,” Colby said in a slightly hysterical voice.
“Are you all right?” Mackenzie asked, slowly sitting up in bed.
“I will be,” Colby said. “Look…do you think you could meet me at the Starbucks on Fifth Street?”
“When?”
“As soon as you can get there. I’m heading out now.”
Mackenzie did not want to go – she really didn’t even want to get out of bed. But she had never heard Colby quite like this. And on such an important day, she figured she should try to be there for her friend.
“Give me about twenty minutes,” Mackenzie said.
With a sigh, Mackenzie got out of bed and took care of only the basics in terms of getting ready. She brushed her teeth, tossed on a hooded sweatshirt and running pants, put her hair in a sloppy ponytail, and then headed out.
As she walked the six blocks down to 5th Street, the weight of the day started to sit on her. She was graduating from the FBI academy today, just before noon, nestled in the top five percent of her class. Unlike most of the graduates she had gotten to know over the last twenty weeks or so, she would not have any family in attendance to help her celebrate this accomplishment. She would be on her own, as she had been for most her life, since the age of sixteen. She was trying very hard to convince herself that it didn’t bother her, but it did. It did not create sadness within her, but a weird sort of angst that was so old its edges had become dulled.
As she reached the Starbucks, she even noticed that traffic was a little thicker than usual – probably the family and friends of other graduates. She let it slide right off her back, though. She had spent the last ten years of her life trying not to give a damn about what her mother and sister thought of her, so why start now?
When she stepped into the Starbucks, she saw that Colby was already there. She was sipping from a cup and staring contemplatively out the window. There was another cup in front of her; Mackenzie assumed it was for her. She took a seat across from Colby and made a show of how tired she was, narrowing her eyes in a grumpy fashion as she took the seat.
“This is mine?” Mackenzie asked, taking the second cup.
“Yes,” Colby said. She looked tired, sad, and all around grumpy.
“So what’s wrong?” Mackenzie asked, skipping any attempt Colby might have of beating around the bush.
“I’m not graduating,” Colby said.
“What?” Mackenzie asked, genuinely surprised. “I thought you passed everything with flying colors.”
“I did. It’s just…I don’t know. Just being in the academy burned me out.”
“Colby…you can’t be serious.”
Her tone had come with some force but she didn’t care. This was not like Colby at all. Such a decision had come with some soul-searching. This was not a fluke, not some drama-filled last gasp of a woman plagued with nerves.
How could she just quit?
“But I am serious,” Colby said. “I haven’t really been passionate about it for the last three weeks or so. I’d go home some days and cry by myself because I felt trapped. I just don’t want it anymore.”
Mackenzie was stunned; she hardly knew what to say.
“Well, the day of graduation is one hell of a time to make this decision.”
Colby shrugged and looked back out the window. She looked beaten. Defeated.
“Colby…you can’t drop out. Don’t do that.” What was on the tip of her tongue but she did not say was: If you quit now, these last twenty weeks mean nothing. It also makes you a quitter.
“Ah, but I’m not really dropping out,” Colby said. “I’ll go to graduation today. I have to, actually. My parents came up from Florida so I sort of have to. But after today, that’ll be it.”
When Mackenzie had started the academy, the instructors had warned them that the drop-out rate among potential agents during the twenty-week academy session was around twenty percent – and had been as high as thirty in the past. But to think of Colby among those numbers simply didn’t make sense.
Colby was too strong – too determined. How the hell could she be making such a decision so easily?
“What will you do?” Mackenzie asked. “If you actually leave all of this behind, what do you plan to do for a career?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “Maybe something along the lines of preventing human trafficking. Research and resources or something. I mean, I don’t have to be an agent, right? There’s plenty of other options. I just don’t want to be an agent.”
“You’re actually serious about this,” Mackenzie said dryly.
“I am. I just wanted to let you know now because after graduation, my parents will be fawning all over me.”
Oh, you poor thing, Mackenzie thought, sarcastically. That must be so terrible.
“I don’t get it,” Mackenzie said.
“I don’t expect you to. You’re awesome at this. You love it. I think you were built for it, you know? Me…I don’t know. Crash and burn, I guess.”
“God, Colby…I’m sorry.”
“No need to be,” she said. “Once I send Mom and Dad back to Florida, all the pressure will be off. I’ll tell ’em I just wasn’t cut out for whatever bullshit assignment I was handed off the bat. And then it’s off to whatever I want, I guess.”
“Well…good luck, I guess,” Mackenzie said.
“None of that, please,” Colby said. “You’re graduating in the top five percent today. Don’t you dare let my drama bring you down. You’ve been a very good friend, Mac. I wanted you to hear this from me now rather than just noticing that I wasn’t around in a few weeks.”
Mackenzie made no attempt to hide her disappointment. She hated to feel like she was resorting to childish tactics, but she remained silent for a while, sipping on her coffee.
“How about you?” Colby asked. “Any family or friends coming up?”
“None,” Mackenzie said.
“Oh,” Colby said, a little embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know – ”
“No need to apologize,” Mackenzie said. It was now her turn to look blankly out the window when she added: “I sort of like it this way.”
***Mackenzie was underwhelmed by graduation. It was really nothing more than a formalized version of her high school graduation and not quite as classy and formal as her college graduation. As she waited for her name to be called, she had plenty of time to reflect back on those graduations and how her family had seemed to fade further and further into the background with each one.
She could recall nearly crying while walking to the stage at her high school graduation, saddened by the fact that her father would never see her grow up. She’d known it through her teen years but it was a fact that struck her like a rock between the eyes as she had walked up to the stage to receive her diploma. It was not something that had stirred her as much in college. When she had walked the stage during her college graduation, she had done so with no family in the crowd. It was, she realized during the academy ceremony, the pivotal moment in her life when she decided once and for all that she preferred to be alone in most things in life. If her family had no interest in her, then she had no interest in them.
The ceremony ended without much fanfare and when it was over, she spotted Colby taking pictures with her mother and father on the other side of the large lobby that the graduates and their guests all filed out into afterward. From what Mackenzie could tell, Colby was doing an excellent job of hiding her displeasure from her parents. All the while, her parents beamed proudly.
Feeling awkward and with nothing to do, Mackenzie started to wonder just how quickly she could get out of the assembly, get home and out of her graduation garb, and open the first of what would likely be several beers for the afternoon. As she started heading for the doors, she heard a familiar voice from behind her, calling her name.
“Hey, Mackenzie,” the male voice said. She knew who it was at once – not just because of the voice itself, but because there were few people who called her Mackenzie in this environment rather than just White.
It was Ellington. He was dressed in a suit and looked just about as uncomfortable as Mackenzie felt. Still, the smile he gave her was a little too comfortable. Yet in that moment, she didn’t really mind.
“Hi, Agent Ellington.”
“I think in a situation like this, it’s okay to call me Jared.”
“I prefer Ellington,” she said with a brief smile of her own.
“How do you feel?” he asked.
She shrugged, realizing just how badly she wanted to get out of there. She could tell herself all the lies she wanted, but the fact that she had no family, friends, or loved ones in attendance was starting to weigh on her.
“Just a shrug?” Ellington asked.
“Well, how should I feel?”
“Accomplished. Proud. Excited. Just to name a few.”
“I’m all of those things,” she said. “It’s just…I don’t know. The whole ceremony aspect of it seems a little much.”
“I can understand that,” Ellington said. “God, I hate wearing a suit.”
Mackenzie was about to come back with a comment – maybe about how he actually wore the suit well – when she saw McGrath approaching from behind Ellington. He also smiled at her but, unlike Ellington’s, his seemed nearly forced. He extended his hand to her and she took it, surprised at how limp his grip was.
“I’m glad you made it through,” McGrath said. “I know you have a bright and promising career ahead of you.”
“No pressure or anything, right?” Ellington said.
“The top five percent,” McGrath said, not allowing Mackenzie a chance to say a single word. “Damn fine work, White.”
“Thank you, sir,” was all she could find to say.
McGrath leaned in close, all business now. “I’d like for you to come to my office Monday morning at eight o’clock. I wanted to get you deep inside the inner workings as soon as possible. I already have your paperwork drafted up – I actually took care of that a long time ago, so it would all be ready when this day came. That’s how much faith I have in you. So…let’s not wait. Monday at eight. Sound good?”
“Of course,” she said, surprised at this uncharacteristic display of glowing support.
He smiled, shook her hand again, and quickly disappeared into the crowd.
When McGrath was gone, Ellington gave her a perplexed look and a wide grin.
“So, he’s in good spirits. And I can tell you that doesn’t happen very often.”
“Well, it’s a big day for him, I guess,” Mackenzie said. “A whole new talent pool for him to pick and choose from.”
“That’s true,” Ellington said. “But all jokes aside, the man is really smart with how he utilizes new agents. Keep that in mind when you meet with him on Monday.”
An awkward silence passed between them; it was a silence that they had gotten used to and that had become a staple of their friendship – or whatever it was that was going on between them.
“Well, look,” Ellington said. “I just wanted to say congrats. And I wanted to let you know that you’re always welcome to call me if things get too real. I know that sounds dumb but at some point – even for the infamous Mackenzie White – you’re going to need someone to vent to. It can catch up to you pretty quickly.”
“Thanks,” she said.
Then, suddenly, she wanted to ask him to come with her – not in any sort of romantic way, but just to have a familiar face with her. She knew him relatively well and even though she had conflicted feelings about him, she wanted him by her side. She hated to admit it, but she was starting to feel that she should do something to celebrate this day and this moment in her life. Even if it was just spending a few awkward hours with Ellington, it would be better (and likely more productive) than sitting around feeling sorry for herself and drinking alone.
But she said nothing. And even if she could have mustered the courage, it would not have mattered; Ellington quickly gave her a little nod and then, like McGrath, slipped back into the crowd.
Mackenzie stood there for a moment, doing her best to shrug off the increasing feeling of being utterly alone.
CHAPTER THREE
When Mackenzie showed up to her first day of work on Monday, she could not shake Ellington’s words, running through her head like a mantra: The man is really smart with how he utilizes new agents. Keep that in mind when you meet with him on Monday.
She tried to use that to ground herself because if she was being truthful, she was nervous. It didn’t help that her morning began when she was met by one of McGrath’s men, Walter Hasbrook, now her department supervisor, and he escorted her like a child to the elevators. Walter looked to be pushing sixty and was roughly thirty pounds overweight. He had no personality and while Mackenzie held nothing against him, she didn’t like the way he explained everything to her as if she were stupid.
This did not change as he led her to the third floor, where a maze of cubicles spread out like a zoo. Agents were posted at each cubicle, some talking on the phone while others typed into their computers.
“And this is you,” Hasbrook said, gesturing to a cubicle in the center of one of the outer rows. “This is the central for Research and Surveillance. You’ll find a few e-mails waiting for you, giving you access to the servers and a bureau-wide contact list.”
She stepped into her cubicle, feeling a little disenchanted but still nervous. No, this was not the exciting case she’d hoped to start her career on but it was still the first step on a journey toward everything she’d been working for ever since she’d gotten out of high school. She pulled her rolling chair out and plopped down in her seat.
The laptop sitting in front of her was hers now. It was one of the bullet items Hasbrook had gone over with her. The desk was hers, the cubicle, the whole space. It wasn’t exactly glamorous, but it was her space.
“In your e-mail, you’ll find the details of your first assignment,” Hasbrook said. “If I were you, I’d start on it right away. You’ll want to call the case’s supervising agent to coordinate, but you should be deep into it by the end of the day.”
“Got it,” she said, turning on the computer. Part of her was still angry with being saddled with a desk job. She’d wanted something in the field. After all McGrath had told her, that’s what she’d been expecting.
No matter how great of a history you have, she told herself, you can’t expect to start out an all-star. Maybe this is your way of having to pay your dues – or McGrath’s way of showing you who’s boss and putting you in your place.
Before Mackenzie could respond any more to his dry and monotone instructions, Hasbrook had already turned away. He was headed back to the elevators quickly, as if he were happy to be done with the day’s minuscule chore.
When he was gone and she was alone in her cubicle she logged in to her computer and wondered why she was so damned nervous.
It’s because this is it, she thought. I worked hard to get here and it’s finally mine. All eyes are on me now so I can’t mess up – even if it’s some random desk job.
She checked her e-mail and fired off the necessary responses to get started on her assignment. Within an hour, she had all of the necessary documents and resources. She was determined to do her best, to give McGrath every reason to see that he was wasting her talent by having her ride a desk.
She pored over maps, cell phone records, and GPS data, working to pinpoint the location of two potential suspects involved in a sex trafficking ring. Within an hour or so of getting deeply involved, she found herself committed to it. The fact that she was not out on the street actively working to bring men like this down did not bother her in that moment. She was focused and she had a goal in mind; that’s all she needed.
Yes, it was menial and borderline boring, but she would not let that hinder her work. She broke for lunch and came back to it, working with fervor and getting results. When the day came to a close, she e-mailed the department supervisor her results and headed out. She had never had an office job before but that’s very much what this felt like. The only thing missing was the time clock to punch her card.
By the time she got to her car, she allowed herself to wallow in the disappointment again. A desk job. Stuck behind a computer and trapped between cubicle walls. This was not what she had envisioned.
Despite this, she was proud to be where she was. She wouldn’t let ego or high expectations derail the fact that she was now an FBI agent. She couldn’t help but think of Colby, though. She wondered where Colby was right now and what she’d have to say if she discovered that Mackenzie had been assigned a desk job to start off her career.
And a small part of Mackenzie couldn’t help but wonder if Colby, having made her own decision to leave, had been the smarter of the two.
Would she ride this desk for years?
***Mackenzie showed up the next morning determined to have a good day. She’d made some great progress on her case the day before and felt that if she could provide prompt and efficient results, McGrath would take notice.
Right away, she found that she had been bounced to another case. This one involved green card fraud. The attachments to the e-mails provided her with more than three hundred pages of testimonies, government files and documents, and legal jargon to use as resources. It looked incredibly tedious.
Fuming, Mackenzie looked to the phone. She had access to the servers, which meant she could get McGrath’s number. She wondered how he’d respond if she called him and asked why she was being punished in such a way.
She talked herself out of it, though. Instead, she printed off every single document and created different stacks and piles on her desk.
Twenty minutes into this mind-numbing task, she heard a small knock at the entrance to her cubicle. When she turned around and saw McGrath standing there, she froze for a moment.
McGrath smiled at her in the same way he had approached her following graduation. Something in that smile told her that he honestly had no idea that she might feel demeaned by being stuck in a cubicle.
“Sorry it’s taken me so long to get to you,” McGrath said. “But I just wanted to come by and see how you’re getting along.”
She bit back the first several responses that came to mind. She gave a half-hearted shrug and said: “I’m doing fine. Just…well, I’m just a little confused.”
“How so?”
“Well, on a few separate occasions, you told me that you couldn’t wait to have me as an active agent. I guess I just didn’t think that would involve sitting behind a desk and printing green card documents.”
“Ah, I know, I know. But trust me. There’s a rhyme and a reason to it all. Just stick your head down and forge head. Your time will come, White.”
In her head, she heard Ellington’s voice again. The man is really smart with how he utilizes new agents.
If you say so, she thought.
“We’ll touch base soon,” McGrath said. “Until then, take care.”
Like Hasbrook the day before, McGrath seemed to be in a huge hurry to get away from the cubicles. She watched him go, wondering what sort of lesson or skills she was supposed to be picking up. She hated to feel entitled, but God…
What Ellington had said about McGrath…was she really supposed to believe that? Thinking of Ellington, she wondered if he knew what sort of detail she was on. She then thought of Harry and felt guilty for not calling him over the last few days. Harry had stayed quiet because he knew that she hated to feel pressured. It was one of the reasons she continued to see him. No man had ever really been this patient with her. Even Zack had his breaking point and the only reason they had lasted as long as they had was because they had gotten comfortable with one another and didn’t want to be bothered with the inconvenience of change.
Mackenzie made the final stack of papers just as noon came around. Before diving into the madness waiting for her in the forms and notes, she figured she’d go out to grab lunch and a very large coffee.
She made her way down the hall and to the elevators. When the elevator arrived and the doors slid open, she was surprised to find Bryers on the other side. He seemed surprised to see her but smiled widely.
“What are you up to?” she asked.
“I was actually coming to see you. I thought you might want to grab lunch.”
“That’s where I was headed. Sounds great.”
They took the elevator down together and grabbed a table at a little delicatessen a block down the street. When they were sitting down with their sandwiches, Bryers asked a very loaded question.
“How’s it going?” he asked.
“It’s…well, it’s going. Stuck behind a desk, trapped in a cubicle, and reading over endless reams of paper isn’t exactly what I had in mind.”
“Coming from any other brand new agent, that might come off as sounding spoiled,” Bryers said. “But, as it just so happens, I agree. You’re being wasted. That’s why I’m here: I’ve come to rescue you.”
She looked up at him, wondering.
“What sort of rescue?”
“Another case,” Bryers answered. “I mean, now, if you want to stay on your current workload and keep studying up on immigration fraud, I understand. But I think I’ve got something that is more within your interests.”
She felt her heart start to beat faster.
“You can just pull me off of this?” she asked, suspicious.
“Indeed I can. Unlike last time, you have everyone’s full support. I got the call from McGrath half an hour ago. He’s not a huge fan of you jumping right into the action, but I twisted his arm a bit.”
“Really?” she asked, feeling relieved and, as Bryers had indicated, just a little spoiled.
“I can show you my call history if you want. He was going to call and tell you himself but I asked for the favor of being the one to tell you. I think he knew ever since yesterday that you’d end up on this but we wanted to make sure we had a solid case.”
“And you do?” she asked. A small ball of excitement started to grow in the pit of her stomach.
“Yes, we do. We found a body in a park in Strasburg, Virginia. It very closely resembles a body we found around the same area close to two years ago.”
“You think they’re linked?”
He waved off her question and took a mouthful of sandwich.
“I’ll tell you about it on the way. For now, let’s just eat. Enjoy the silence while you can.”
She nodded and nibbled at her sandwich, although she was suddenly not very hungry at all.
She felt excitement, but also dread, and sadness. Someone had been murdered.
And it was going to be up to her to make things right.
CHAPTER FOUR
They left Quantico immediately after lunch. As Bryers drove, headed southwest, Mackenzie felt like she was being rescued from boredom, only to be brought to certain danger.
“So what can you tell me about this case?” she finally asked.
“A body has been discovered in Strasburg, Virginia. The body was found in a state park, in a condition that resembled a body that was discovered very close to the same area about two years ago.”
“You think they’re linked?”
“Has to be, if you want my opinion. Same location, same brutal style of murder. The files are in my bag in the back seat if you want to have a look.”
She reached into the back seat and grabbed the portfolio-style case Bryers usually carried with him when there was going to be research involved. She slid a single folder out of it, continuing to ask questions as she did.
“When was this second body discovered?” she asked.
“Sunday. So far we haven’t a trace of anything to point us in any direction. This is not a trail, like last time. We need you.”
“Why me?” she asked, curious.
He looked back, curious himself.
“You’re an agent now – and a damned good one at that,” he said. “People are already whispering about you, people that didn’t quite know who you were when you first came to Quantico. While it’s atypical for a new agent to land a case like this, well, you aren’t exactly a typical agent, now are you?”