A New Attitude

CHAPTER THREE

WHENEVER SHE WAS ANXIOUS, Marilee baked. That explained the two lemon pound cakes, the chocolate torte and the loaf of banana bread cooling on the kitchen counter. She knew it had something to do with being a minister’s wife for sixteen years. One simply did not visit the sick or bereaved without a cake in tow. And then there were the numerous bake sales and bazaars held every year to raise money for choir robes or the new van to accommodate seniors and the handicapped. Seemed cakes were the veritable frameworks of a thriving church.

Sixteen years of baking cakes.

Sixteen years living with Grady.

You got to know a man pretty well after spending that much time with him. She knew what Grady looked like when he opened his eyes in the morning, and she knew which side of the bed he preferred sleeping on. She knew he liked wearing navy blue because he thought it set off his blond hair. She knew he’d wrestled with the idea of becoming a minister, when what he’d really wanted to do was go into broadcasting. He’d dreamed of having his own radio or TV talk show. He was a born entertainer, he’d told her back in high school. Marilee had to admit he had stage presence—he’d even been selected for the leading role in every school play. But his parents had balked at the idea of him going into broadcasting. After all, he’d grown up in a family of ministers, and he was expected to carry on the tradition.

Grady had played the dutiful son and enrolled in seminary school, then convinced Marilee to elope with him. It had caused quite a stink with his family; even though they approved of Marilee, they thought the couple far too young to marry, and wanted Grady to complete his education first. In the beginning, Marilee wondered if he’d asked her to marry him just to get back at his parents for forcing him into the ministry, but Grady had seemed so much in love with her that she’d pushed the thought aside. After a while, Grady no longer complained about being in the ministry, and Marilee assumed he was as happy as she.

It was only recently that he’d begun to second-guess his vocation. Had he kept it to himself all these years? Had he merely pretended to love her? There were so many unanswered questions. Would she ever know the truth?

That was the past, she reminded herself. As difficult as it was, she had to concentrate on rebuilding her life. Part of that meant Josh. His place was with her. It would be so much easier to hate Grady, but for the life of her she couldn’t. Sure, she hated what he’d done to their family, and she was terrified at the prospect of facing the world alone. Well, she wasn’t entirely alone. There was Winnie to contend with. The girl was presently sprawled on the sofa in the living room watching Jeopardy. She called out her answers, then yelped each time she got them right, causing Marilee to start.

Her nerves were shot. She felt as if she was about to jump out of her skin. Perhaps if she tried to take it one day at a time—one hour at a time—instead of looking toward the future, which seemed pretty bleak at the moment, she would manage.

Marilee stared at the chocolate torte cake. She could not keep it in the house or she’d end up eating it. Like that time three years ago, when she thought she was pregnant and went on a chocolate binge. Even then she’d known things weren’t right between her and Grady, but she’d ignored the signs. Anyway, the church kept her so busy she didn’t have time to think about it. There was always something to do, costumes to sew for the Easter pageant or Christmas play, a wedding rehearsal, or a funeral to attend. In the midst of it all, Sunday-school teachers became ill, volunteers for vacation Bible school backed out at the last minute or extra hands were needed to see that the shut-ins received a hot meal each day. It didn’t matter that her husband’s blood pressure had sky-rocketed, that he was unhappy with his calling or that her son was rebelling. Marilee was expected to pick up the pieces when things fell apart at Chickpea Baptist.

In the meantime, her life had fallen apart.

Marilee heard movement and glanced up. Winnie stood in the doorway, shaking her head sadly. “Look at the mess in this kitchen. How many cakes are you planning on baking tonight?”

“I’m going to bake until I run out of ingredients.” That wasn’t likely. She had gone to the grocery store once Clara and Ruby left and had enough baking items on hand to start her own bakery.

Winnie continued to stare at her. “You’re having a nervous breakdown, aren’t you?”

Marilee sighed. “No, I’m not having a breakdown. I just prefer staying busy when I have things on my mind. Would you like a slice of pound cake?”

“No. I figure I’ve had enough junk food today, and I really need to start eating healthy. You know, for the baby. I hope you don’t expect me to clean up this kitchen, because I need to soak in a hot tub. My back is killing me.”

“I don’t expect you to clean up after me,” Marilee said a little too sharply. She softened her tone. “By the way, do you know your baby’s due date yet?”

“Christmas.”

Marilee smiled. “No kidding?”

“I wish she would come during my two-week break so I don’t have to miss as much school. I’ve had perfect attendance for three years straight.”

“Good for you. You’re a senior?”

Winnie nodded. “And I plan to graduate with my class come hell or high water. Of course, I need to line up somebody to watch my baby, but I’m sure my friends will chip in. Once I graduate, I plan to study accounting. I’ve always been good at math.” She paused. “You really ought to freeze those cakes or I’ll just end up eating them. My doctor warned me about gaining more weight. See, diabetes runs in my family so I’ve got no business eating sweets, and that chocolate cake is crying out for me.”

Marilee decided she definitely needed to get it out of the house. She suddenly thought of Sam Brewer and wondered if he would enjoy the torte. Surely she owed him something for practically saving her life. And maybe if they met under different circumstances he wouldn’t think she was a raving lunatic. She assumed he was married and had children. They would probably enjoy the cake, and in future she would avoid making such tempting desserts.

“I think I’ll take it next door,” Marilee said, “to repay my neighbor for doing me a favor this morning.”

Winnie eyed the cake ravenously. “Better hurry.”

Marilee left the house a few minutes later, cake in hand, and crossed the lawn to the Brewer house, patting her hair in place as she went. She hadn’t thought to run a brush through it or apply lipstick. Okay, maybe she had given it a passing thought, but she wasn’t going to primp for any man, married or not. Besides, she was a married woman, even if her husband had found greener pastures.

She should be mourning the loss of her marriage and trying to atone for her shortcomings as a wife. That’s what any good Christian woman would do.

Marilee rang the doorbell and waited several minutes before the door was flung open by a harried-looking Sam Brewer. He had shaved and combed his hair, and Marilee could only stare dumbly at the sight of him in snug jeans and a burgundy rugby shirt. She had not counted on him looking so good. Lord, Lord, why had she come?

“I, uh, brought you and your family a cake,” she said.

If he was surprised to see her, he didn’t show it. “Thank God you’re here.” He yanked her inside, almost causing her to drop the cake. “I need a woman.”

Marilee gaped at him. “Excuse me?”

“My mother has locked herself in the bathroom and she won’t let me in.” He noted Marilee’s blank look and went on hurriedly, “She’s taking a bath. Her eyesight isn’t good, and she’s pretty frail. I’m afraid she’ll slip. Please see if she’ll let you in.” He motioned frantically toward the bathroom door.

Marilee thrust the cake at him and hurried to the door. It was locked. “Mrs. Brewer, are you in there?” she called out. “Mrs. Brewer, I’m your neighbor, Marilee Abernathy. I was wondering if you needed any help in there.”

“I can pick the lock,” Sam whispered.

Marilee caught a whiff of his aftershave and thought she might be dizzy. She shook her head. “Let me try to get her to open the door first. Mrs. Brewer, are you okay?”

The lock clicked and Nell Brewer peered through a slit in the door. “Marilee Abernathy? You look awfully familiar. Where do I know you from?”

“Her memory is bad,” Sam said and was awarded a dark look from his mother.

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with my memory.”

“I grew up next door,” Marilee said.

“Oh, yes, Marilee.” Nell brightened. “Hester and Will Brown’s daughter. I haven’t seen you since your mother’s funeral. Oh, Hester was such a sweet woman. Both of your parents were lovely people.”

“I miss them,” Marilee said, then decided to change the subject since her emotions were running so high these days. “I just wanted to see if I could help you with your bath.”

“She’s kind of modest,” Sam said.

Nell glared at him. “How could I possibly be modest when you’ve paraded me butt-naked in front of half the town?”

“They were hired to look after you.”

“I don’t need looking after.”

“That’s not what you said six months ago.”

Marilee looked from one to the other. “Perhaps I’ve come at a bad time…”

“Now look what you’ve done,” Nell accused her son. “You’ve embarrassed our guest. Sam, what’s that in your hand?”

“It’s a chocolate torte cake,” Marilee said.

Nell looked delighted. “For me?”

“Yes.”

“That’s awfully nice of you, dear. We’ll have a slice after my bath. Just let me grab my towel and you can come in.” She closed the door.

“It’ll be okay,” Marilee whispered to Sam. “I’ve done this sort of thing before.”

The door opened, and Marilee stepped inside the steamy bathroom, coming face-to-face with Sam’s mother. “It’s so nice to see you again, Mrs. Brewer,” she said, closing the door behind her and locking it securely. She studied the woman closely, noting the cropped white hair and parchment skin. She had aged, but she looked as healthy as a horse.

“Why are you staring?” Nell asked. “Do I have spaghetti sauce on my face?”

Marilee shook her head. “Sam said you were frail. You don’t look the least bit frail to me.”

Nell gave a grunt. “Oh, he’s full of baloney. I’ve never been sick a day in my life. To hear my son talk, you’d think I was about to draw my last breath.” She dropped the towel and stepped inside the tub, then carefully lowered herself into the water. “Have a seat.” She pointed to the toilet.

“Thank you.” Marilee put the lid down and sat. If the woman was modest, she certainly didn’t show it.

“This is heavenly,” Nell said. “I haven’t bathed in three days except to wash up at the sink.”

“Why is that?”

The woman sighed as she reached for her soap and sponge. “Oh, I accidentally slipped and bruised my hip a few months ago. Sam made a big deal out of it and called 911. Here I was, without a stitch of clothing, and I had two handsome paramedics looking at my sagging behind.” She grunted. “That boy is driving me crazy. Some days I feel like running away from home. But then I have to remind myself it’s my own fault.”

“I don’t understand.”

Nell lowered her voice. “Well, it’s like this. I lied to get him here.”

“Come again?”

“My best friend had just died, and I was so lonely and depressed I couldn’t stand it. So I sort of let Sam think I was on my last legs. You know, not long for this world. Told him I was going blind and couldn’t remember anything. I was just hoping for a visit, you see. Next thing I know, he moved in with me.”

“With his wife and children?” Marilee couldn’t help asking.

“Oh, no, he’s divorced. Never had children.” She paused in washing and regarded Marilee. “I suppose you think I’m a selfish old woman, only thinking of myself.”

“I think you’re human, Mrs. Brewer. We all get lonely.” She thought of Josh, and the ache that never left.

“Sam and I have been knocking heads ever since he moved in. This place is too small for the both of us.” She frowned. “Listen to me complain. I should be thankful to have him here. And I would be, if he didn’t stand over me like a mother hen all the time. He keeps hiring these crazy women to take care of me. The last one stole the pearl earrings I wore on my wedding day, a gift from my dear grandmother. I couldn’t convince Sam of it, he said I forgot where I put them. My memory is as sharp as a tack, and I specifically remember that woman admiring them the day before they turned up missing.”

“Why don’t you tell Sam the truth?” Marilee asked.

“That I faked my illness?” Nell shook her head. “He’d never forgive me. Especially after he sold his company. All I can do is pretend to get a little better each day. Not that he listens. He’s already set up an interview with another woman who’s supposed to look after me.”

“I wish I could help, Mrs. Brewer,” Marilee said.

“Call me Nell.” She smiled. “And you have helped, just by listening. Now, tell me what brings you back to the neighborhood?”

Marilee sighed. “It’s a long story.”

“That’s okay. If the bathwater gets cold, I’ll just add more hot. Now, start at the beginning.”

SAM WAS DOZING ON THE SOFA when the women exited the bathroom some time later, Nell powdered and wearing a clean gown. He rose quickly. “All finished?”

“I almost drowned,” Nell said, “but Marilee performed CPR and brought me back from my grave.”

Sam just looked at her.

Marilee chuckled at the woman’s spunk. “Your mother is perfectly capable of bathing herself, but I enjoyed keeping her company.”

Nell rubbed her hands together. “Now, how about a slice of that cake?”

“None for me,” Marilee said. “I still have more cleaning to do.” She thought Sam looked disappointed. Maybe she was just being hopeful, and that was downright sinful, considering her circumstances. “It was nice seeing you again, Nell, after all this time,” she said and turned for the door. “You too, Sam.”

Nell shot her son a dark look. “Sam, show some manners and walk the girl home.”

“I was planning to,” he said defensively.

“I’ll be fine,” Marilee told them.

Sam was already beside her. “I insist. Besides, my mother would never forgive me for not seeing you home.” He opened the door and motioned her through first. He waited until he’d closed the door to say anything.

“Thanks for the help. And the cake.”

Marilee looked at him. “I dropped by so I could apologize. For what happened this morning. I don’t know what came over me. I was just so…low.”

Their gazes locked beneath the streetlight. He looked worried. “You haven’t thought of hurting yourself again, have you?”

“That’s the last thing on my mind,” she replied, which was the truth. Distractedly, she noted the pickup truck sitting in Sam’s driveway, then looked at it more closely. “You’re driving Bobby Benson’s truck,” she said, almost an accusation.

Sam glanced in that direction. “We’re business partners. We just haven’t gotten around to changing the name of the company.”

“I don’t believe this,” she exclaimed.

“It’s true. Why?”

“Our committee hired Benson Contractors to renovate Grace Blessing Home. Bobby walked off the job and went fishing.”

“You’re involved in that?”

“Yes. Why haven’t I seen you?”

“I’ve been finishing up the new hardware store on the other side of town. Haven’t been near Blessing Home. From what I hear, Benson wasn’t getting paid.”

“He’s going to get his money,” Marilee said tightly. “All we need is a little more time.”

“The subcontractors have to be paid, Marilee. You can’t expect men with families to work without pay.”

“Well, the whole thing has been a disappointment. We expected a little more support from the community. You wouldn’t believe how many people I’ve called, only to have the phone slammed in my ear.”

“Everybody has problems.” He sounded weary.

“You’re right. Nobody has time to worry about these girls, not even their own families. I suppose they’re just expected to live on the streets and have their babies on the side of the road.” Obviously, Sam was no different from the rest. She turned to go.

He captured her arm. “Now, don’t go running off in a huff. Surely we can work out something.” He was not surprised when she pulled her arm free. “How about I run by and look at the place tomorrow. See how much more work is needed.”

Marilee was surprised by his answer. “Well, okay,” she said after a moment. “You don’t know how much that would mean to the committee.”

“I’m not doing it for the committee. I’m doing it because you were kind enough to assist my mother with her bath.”

“I appreciate it regardless.”

“And I’d like to make repairs at your place. That ceiling beam is going to cave in if we don’t get some support up there. Won’t take me long to fix it and the front door.”

Marilee wondered why he was offering his help when all she’d done was sit with his mother for a few minutes while the woman had bathed. Was he trying to come on to her? She had no idea—she’d been married so long, she didn’t know how men operated these days. As far as Sam was concerned, all she had to go on was his reputation, and that alone was enough reason to keep her distance. “Why don’t you let me think about it?”

“I don’t expect anything in return, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Even as he spoke, Sam knew it was a lie. He’d had his eyes on Marilee for years, and the thought of spending time with her, even if he was perched on a ladder, was appealing. But first, he needed to find out what was going on between Grady and her.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to imply you had ulterior motives,” she said quickly, although that wasn’t altogether true. This conversation was making her uncomfortable. “Well, I’d better go inside.”

“You’re right. You don’t want Mrs. Bodine from across the street finding you in the dark with a man of my reputation.”

He sounded amused, and Marilee wondered if he was making fun of her. She hitched her chin higher. “I don’t much care what anyone thinks.”

“Good for you.” He cupped her elbow in the palm of his hand and led her toward her house. “I don’t know what problems you’re going through, Marilee, and the last thing I want to do is butt in. But I’m a good listener if you ever need a sounding board.”

“I’m fine. Thank you, though, for your concern.”

Sam suspected he would be the last one she would take her problems to. She was keeping him at arm’s length, and that made him even more determined to learn more about her. “Thanks again for helping my mother. You probably think I’m overprotective, but she was in a bad way when I first moved here.”

“I understand she lost her best friend.”

“I meant healthwise.”

“Sometimes depression can bring on physical problems,” Marilee said gently. “I’ve spent a lot of time working with the elderly, and no matter how old a person gets they want to feel productive.”

They had reached her door. Sam gazed down at her, thinking no woman had a right to look that good in sweats. She had been pretty as a young girl and still was, though the years had softened her features. “I remember how lovely you looked in the Christmas parade the year you were crowned homecoming queen,” he blurted without thinking.

Marilee couldn’t hide her surprise. “That was a long time ago.”

“You wore a red velvet dress and tiny flowers in your hair.”

“Baby’s breath. I can’t believe you remember.”

“How could I forget? You stole the show.”

Marilee had been avoiding direct eye contact until then, but when she looked up she found him studying her curiously. A light breeze ruffled his dark hair. She remembered how Grady sprayed his hair each morning with something he bought at a beauty supply house that promised extra hold. It would have taken hurricane-force winds to muss the blond mane that he was so proud of. She wondered if she would spend the rest of her life comparing men to Grady. But how could she not, after all the years she was married to him? He might be out of her life, but one did not forget sixteen years that easily. Marilee had absolutely no business staring at Sam’s hair or the dark lock that had fallen onto his forehead. Or feeling flattered that he’d remembered how she’d looked in the Christmas parade all those years ago.

“Did you and Grady have children?”

“A son. He’s fifteen.”

“I remember being fifteen and thinking I had all the answers and everybody else was stupid.” He surprised her with a sheepish grin. “I wasn’t any better at sixteen and seventeen. I suppose that’s why I stayed in so much trouble.”

Marilee chuckled. “Yes, I remember they voted you the boy most likely to spend his life in San Quentin.” He smiled at that, and she tilted her head back slightly. “Are you still bad to the bone, Sam Brewer?” She couldn’t resist teasing and hoped he didn’t think she was flirting.

“I must not be too bad if you’re standing out here in the dark with me.”

He stepped closer, and Marilee froze. She felt her breath catch in the back of her throat. His face was only inches from hers. He was too handsome for his own good, and for one wild and insane moment she thought he was going to kiss her. Instead, he reached around and opened her door.

“Good night, Marilee,” he asked. “Don’t forget to use the chain on your door until I can fix it.”

She realized she was holding her breath, and when she let it out, hot air gushed from her lungs with such force it made her light-headed. She swayed slightly.

Sam caught her, a look of concern crossing his face. “Are you okay?”

“F-fine,” she said, annoyed that she had been so taken in by his good looks that she’d almost swooned. Swooned, for heaven’s sake! Nobody did that sort of thing anymore.

“You looked mighty nervous there for a moment. You didn’t think I was going to kiss you, did you?” An easy smile played at the corners of his mouth.

Charm and sensuality oozed from him. Yes, he was as bad as they came, at least where women were concerned. “You’re still a scoundrel, Sam Brewer.”

Without another word, Marilee hurried inside and closed the door, securing the chain with trembling hands. On the other side, she heard Sam laugh softly. His morals were still lower than a gopher hole. And wasn’t it just like him to assume he was going to make the repairs to her house? Well, he had another think coming because she wasn’t about to let that…that hellion inside her house, much less in her life.

She came to a halt. Wait a minute. Why was she so upset? The answer came quickly. Because he’d made her feel pretty and breathless and dizzy and she didn’t want to feel those things. She just wanted to feel numb, because it took the sharp edges off her emotions and made life bearable right now.

Marilee suddenly felt bone tired. She dreaded the mess that waited for her in the kitchen and longed for sleep, an escape from worrying about what she was going to do with her life. She dragged herself into the kitchen to set up the automatic coffeemaker and her mouth formed an O of surprise. The room was sparkling from top to bottom. Winnie.

SAM RETURNED HOME AND STOOD inside the living room, gazing about as though seeing it for the first time. Everything appeared the same, but he felt different somehow, and he knew it had everything to do with Marilee. He wondered if she knew just how close he had come to kissing her. Kissing her! He could only imagine how she would have responded. In fact, she probably would have punched him in the face. He grinned. He liked his women feisty; it was more challenging that way.

Where was her damn husband? And what about the kid?

Nell looked up from her recliner. “You’ve been up to no good, Samuel Brewer. I can see it in your eyes. I hope you weren’t fresh with that young woman. She has enough on her hands, what with losing her husband to the town floozy.”