Crazy, Stupid Sex

“Depends.”

“On?”

His smile widened. “If I’ll like a lie better.”

“I don’t lie well. I’m honest. Painfully so. It’s part of the awkwardness, which, I am aware of, by the way. It works for me in some settings.”

“If you say so.”

“Forbes says so, actually, but that’s beside the point.”

“Forbes has never said anything about me,” he said.

“Don’t feel bad. You’re young yet. Make something of yourself and maybe someday you’ll be as important as I am. That point aside, though,” she said, taking a deep breath, “here’s the truth. I just got out of a really long-term relationship. Like, if socks were as old as that relationship, throwing them out would have been the obvious thing to do.”

“Socks?”

“Metaphorically, it actually holds up well. It stunk and it was full of holes. Again, much like old socks. And then I lost the asshole in the wash, so to speak.”

“Okay.”

“Anyway, long-term relationship. So done with it. So done with him. And I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I know how to turn a few lines of code into a fortune, but I don’t know how to get a date. And I am…desperate for sex that’s more exciting than lukewarm oatmeal. Desperate. So…I’m sure I broke a cardinal rule by confessing my desperation, but—and this is a big but—I probably won’t be pursuing that non-bland sex with a stranger from a bar. Sorry.”

“Confessing desperation is probably a serious rule-breaker, you’re right.”

“No doubt.”

“I’m sure you’re supposed to be playing aloof. Hard to get. Like Jeff over there,” he said, gesturing to the man she’d made a pass at only a few minutes earlier.

That thought made her feel a little dizzy. She’d only been in the bar for an hour. She’d talked to four men. And she was going to go home with the fourth one if he was into it.

All in all, it was one of the more eventful hours in her life. And she’d had a few eventful hours in her lifetime.

“Well, I thought any more aloof and the bar would reach maximum aloofness capacity so I figured I’d tone it down.”

“I like honesty.”

“You just said you wanted the lie if it was better.”

He smiled. “Either I’m very honest or a good liar.”

“That shouldn’t be charming. How did you do that?”

“I’m good at flirting.”

“You have to show me. Because I think I need to understand the flirting since I’m making the app that’s supposed to help with the flirting. That is why I’m here, after all.”

“I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll help you with the flirting after you show me your sex tips.”

“Is that an offer?” she asked.

“I thought you were the one offering. I’m accepting.”

“I already told you it was more of an experimental offer. But for the sake of argument, is this a happy acceptance or a pity acceptance?”

He moved toward her, his eyes locked on hers. The glitter of humor in his eyes taking on a dark light that seemed to pull her in. He didn’t smell like sweat coated in cheap body spray. He smelled like soap, a hint of cologne and an undertone of musky man that she hadn’t realized she’d been missing from her life.

“Care to guess?” he asked, his voice soft, barely rising above the music and conversation in the bar.

She shot a quick look over to Jeff the Aloof. He was looking more interested now. Well, screw him. Or rather, not.

But maybe, just maybe, she would screw Caleb.

“Eyes on me,” he said, his tone suddenly not so teasing at all. And she obeyed.

Heat shot through her, the commanding tone of his voice pushing off the edge of aroused and straight into a pool of lust. She wanted him. Research had nothing to do with it.

And if she wanted him…well, why shouldn’t she have him? She didn’t have a deadweight boyfriend keeping her from pursuing him.

Yes. Oh yes, she was going to have him. Decision made. There and now. But she wasn’t going to tell him that yet. The app suggested she not make herself a “sure thing.” She had to make him seduce her.

Though, she felt pretty well seduced.

“Do I what?” she asked, suddenly unable to remember anything except the color of his eyes. Warm and golden like whiskey held up against the light.

“Do you think I feel sorry for you? Or do you genuinely think I want you?”

“I’m not sure. Was it all my talk of being hardup or my foot blisters that got you?”

He bent down, his lips hovering just above hers. “I think it was the combination.”

“I can see how that would get you,” she said, sounding a little bit breathless now. “After all…there could be…ointment involved which is…not sexy.”

He winked and pressed his lips against hers. Light. The pressure so faint she almost thought she’d imagined it. “Not really,” he whispered. “Luckily, you are quite sexy.”

“Even with the awkward?”

“It’s charming.”

“Is it?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been staring at your breasts this whole time. I can tell you without a doubt that they’re charming.”

Her heart jumped, a little shiver of pleasure skating over her skin. “How do you do that?”

“What?”

“Say the most douchey things and make them sound hot?”

“It’s a gift. I wasn’t good in school. I’ve been fired from almost every job I’ve ever had. But I can pick up a woman in a bar without even trying. In fact, I can actively attempt to push a woman away and still wind up in bed with her.”

“That’s douchey, too, and it’s still making me feel fluttery. Which was probably also detrimentally honest of me.”

He cupped her cheek and kissed her again, deeper this time, his tongue sliding along the seam of her lips. It was so strange, to kiss another man for the first time in a decade. For the first time ever. His lips felt so different. His technique made it like another activity entirely. She opened for him and the hot slide of his tongue against hers nearly buckled her knees.

He cupped her cheeks, his hands hot, rough on her skin, his mouth insistent on hers. If she hadn’t been certain about going home with him before, she was now.

She was making out with a stranger in a bar. And it was amazing.

When they parted, they were both breathing hard.

“Ready to go?” he asked.

“Did I agree to go with you?”

“I’m sure you did. Anyway, doesn’t your list say you need to go with me?”

It did, in fact, say that leaving the bar and securing a hotel room or returning to a residence was the next step. “Yes, it does.”

“Do you have a car?”

“No, I got a cab so I could drink. Which…not drunk but a little bit dizzy, so probably a good thing I’m not driving.”

“I’ll have my driver bring the car around.” He pulled out his phone and pushed a couple of buttons. “Ready.” He hung up again.

“A driver?”

“Yes.”

“I thought you said you got fired from all your jobs.” Granted, his clothes spoke of money, and she’d noticed that from the first moment she’d seen him.

“I’m surprised you didn’t notice the silver spoon in my mouth,” he said.

“You’d think I would have noticed when we kissed.”

“You would think.”

A sleek black town car pulled up to the curb and Caleb opened the door for her, waiting. “So I just get into the car with you?”

“Yes.”

“Are you going to hurt me?”

He arched a brow. “Only if you’re into that sort of thing.”

Heat flooded her cheeks. “I’m not.”

For some reason, just then, she pictured him wrapping her hair around his hand and giving it a hard tug. That was tip number twelve. She remembered it well because reading it had made her feel warm all over.

Made her think that it was something she might really, really like.

“Then no. I won’t.”

“Good to know.”

“Getting in the car with me, going home with me…I don’t take it for granted that means you’ll sleep with me. But you want me. So I don’t think you should say no.”

“You’re so sure of yourself?”

“Sure of this,” he said, tracing her lips with the tip of his finger. “Don’t tell me you don’t feel it.”

“Okay,” she said, feeling a little fuzzy.

“Are you going to make me beg?” he asked. “Because I just might. I could get down on my knees if you want. Though, I’d rather have you on yours.”

Heat coursed through her veins. Yet another line that shouldn’t have turned her on, but did. But who the hell even cared what should turn her on? The fact was that he did.

“I won’t do anything you don’t want,” he continued. “But if you ask…there isn’t a lot I won’t do.”

She looked around and took a deep breath. “That might actually be nice for a change of pace,” she said, getting into the car and leaning back against the seat.

“Will it?” he asked, his tone cautious, his movements slow as he got into the car. Like he was taking special care not to frighten her off.

“Well, you know, battery-operated devices can only do so much.”

“And they can’t talk dirty to you.”

“No. But then, neither did my ex. The buzzing sound is actually an improvement over listening to him mouth breathe during the main event.”

“Ouch,” Caleb said, chuckling. “My place, right?”

Evie pictured her apartment. It was clean, and it was nice. Redecorated since Jason had moved out. But she still had the same mattress. Which she’d never really thought of. But now it bothered her and she wasn’t quite sure why.

“Your place,” she said.

She’d rather contend with the ghosts of Caleb’s hookups past than her own.

“Take us home,” he said to his driver. “So, do you think you’ll be able to use this for your app?”

She almost said what app? but stopped the words from spilling out just in time. “Oh…yeah. The app. This will be very helpful. The ten man-catching tips are verified…”

“Sort of.”

“Yeah, sort of.”

“And now you can see how those sex tips work,” he said. “If you really want to.”

“Some of them are pretty wild,” she said.

He laughed. “I’m sure they aren’t going to shock me.”

Well, that made one of them. She had a feeling she would be shocked a few times. She was shocked now. Or maybe in shock. She was numb everywhere except for her lips, which were burning from that kiss, and between her thighs.

There was wet and aching. She wanted him so much it hurt. Wanted in a way she hadn’t since before she’d discovered how sex really was. Since before her body had become conditioned to expect the buildup to be better than the finale.

“I might like it if you shocked me a little,” she said. She wasn’t sure if she’d said the words loud enough. It was hard to hear over the traffic. Even harder over the pounding of her heart.

“How shocked do you want to be?” he asked, his voice husky, low.

“Well, this would be one of those one night things, right?” she asked.

“That’s all I do.”

“Okay then. So if it’s one night—” she looked up, met his eyes in the darkened car, and playing hard to get was completely forgotten “—then you’d better make sure I never forget it.”

He nodded slowly, his eyes darkening, a muscle ticking in his jaw. “I think I can handle that.”

Chapter Three

Of course he had a mansion on the beach. He was that kind of guy. A sleek, modern mansion that looked like a cubist work of art.

Windows faced the ocean, the moon glinting off the waves. Palm trees and oleander surrounded the property, making it feel secluded. An oasis on the crowded strip of Malibu coast.

“Wow. How laid do you get?” she asked, standing on the front step, waiting for him to key in the code that would unlock the door.

“What?”

“I mean, if your ridiculous lines at the bar hadn’t worked…this place…”

“It’s not bad.”

“I’ve been thinking of buying a house, but for now I’m in a loft downtown because…well, I don’t need a yard or anything. But you’re making me rethink.”

“I think a loft downtown is an excellent seduction location,” he said.

“You do?”

“I do. If you’d taken me there I would have given it up in five seconds flat. Any man would be powerless to resist your city views.”

“And now that we’re here, how long will it take for you to give it up?” she asked.

“Five seconds flat,” he said. “I’m impatient.” He pushed the door open and she walked inside, her hands shaking big time now. She was turned on, and nervous as hell, and for some reason the nerves element was only making her more turned on, which…which was making her teeth chatter.

It was a whole lot of adrenaline running through her just then. She needed to run a marathon real quick or something.

“Could you kiss me again?” she asked, as soon as he closed the door behind them.

“I was about to get to that. But I thought you might want a drink. I’m not taking anything for granted with you.”

“That’s…flattering. But I don’t want to drink. I want a kiss. Because when you kiss me, I can’t think.”

“And that’s a good thing?”

She nodded. “If I start thinking I might run out the door. I’ve only just wrapped my mind around this one-night stand thing. I’m a little shaky.”

“You flatter me.”

“Well, I don’t do this kind of thing.”

“I do. A lot.”

She laughed. “That makes me feel better. I don’t think it should.”

“Why not?”

“I should be offended that I’m just one in a long line of women you take back to your place for sex and good views.”

“You’re the only one tonight.”

“Screw you. That should not be hot.”

“It is, though,” he said, putting his thumb on her cheek and tracing a line from there to her temple. “You like it. And as it happens, I like your response. Because I would very much like you to fuck me.”

Her chest tightened, her heart rate speeding up. No man had ever, ever said anything like that to her. Ever. And she’d never thought she would like it. But she did. She really did.

“I’d like that, too.”

“So polite.”

“Too polite?”

“For a discussion about getting screwed? Maybe.”

“This is why we should just kiss,” she said, moving toward him.

“I won’t argue.”

Caleb wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close, brushing her hair back from her face before he leaned in and captured her mouth with his. It was deep, intense, not like any kiss she’d ever experienced before. Hotter than any sex she’d ever had and he wasn’t even touching her body.

It was just his lips, his tongue, his teeth.

The little zip of pain that shot from her lip straight down to her core when he bit her gently rocked her. Shocked her.

And it made her think of him pulling her hair again. Bending her over the back of the couch. It made her think of hard, rough sex. The kind she’d never experienced.

The kind she’d always secretly craved but never asked for. Because Jason didn’t even want to go down on her, so what the hell would he have thought if she’d started begging him to bite her?

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