Elusive Lover
She studied herself in the mirror once she reached her room. She looked a mess—too thin, too pale, and worst of all, no vitality. It was hard to believe this was the same näive girl who had set out so hopefully eight weeks ago.
It had taken just two weeks of that time for her to realise her father didn’t want her around, another week to realise it was going to take forever to get the return air-fare together. So far she had a hundred dollars towards it, at this rate she might get back to England in six months or so.
She groaned, burying her face in the pillow and sobbing what few tears she had left after crying in Joshua Hawke’s arms.
Six months ago it had all seemed so easy, so very easy. She had hardly been able to believe it when Bob had offered to buy her an air ticket to see the father who had returned to Canada when Erin was only five years old. Until she saw it was a one-way ticket!
Her mother had died just over a year ago, leaving Erin to care for the man who had been her stepfather since she was eight years old. It was the age-old story of immigrants, one partner liked the new country and one didn’t. Her mother liked England and so she stayed, her father hated the little country that would fit into one corner of Canada, so he returned to his native country. They had divorced two years later, and a year after that her mother had brought Bob Walker home as her stepfather.
He wasn’t the sort of man to tolerate children, liking to go out in the evenings, taking her mother with him, and so for the most part he ignored Erin’s very existence. Her mother had claimed he needed time to adjust, and yet when her mother had died just after Erin’s eighteenth birthday Bob was still resenting her presence in his home.
She had tried to care for Bob the way her mother had, had tried to love him, and yet it was so hard to love someone who had never shown her even one gesture of affection in the whole of the ten years she had known him.
After a year of cooking and cleaning for him, with not one word of gratitude, she was prepared to admit defeat. Then out of the blue Bob had given her the air-ticket to come out here and visit her father. She hadn’t thought twice about it, writing to let her father know, and even though she had received no reply from him she had still come, sure that after all this time he would want to see her.
He hadn’t. He had remarried himself, had a new family, a son and daughter of ten and eleven respectively, and his second wife had left Erin in no doubt of her opinion of her turning up on their doorstep uninvited.
Nevertheless, her father had grudgingly allowed her to stay, putting her in with Ronnie, his other daughter. Ronnie turned out to be a precocious little brat, who took every opportunity she could to let Erin know she wasn’t wanted there.
The last straw had come after she had heard her father and stepmother arguing about her. With a few cruel words she had learnt that her father was no more pleased to see her than her stepmother was, that she had been the result of an effort on her parents’ part to try and make their marriage work.
Even now she didn’t like to think about it, to realise that she hadn’t so much been wanted by her parents but had been a final attempt to pull their marriage together. It wasn’t surprising that such parents should have destroyed her.
Oh, her mother had tried her best, had loved her in her own way, but ultimately it was Bob who always came first, even if he wasn’t always right.
She had left her father’s house after hearing that argument, and the lack of argument at her decision to leave only served to enhance the fact that she hadn’t been wanted there in the first place.
And so she had been left alone, with very little money, and no visible means of supporting herself. In a place as large as Calgary, a city growing at a rate too fast for its population, she had felt sure she would be able to get a job. She could, if she didn’t mind waiting two or three weeks to get an interview. She had been through it all before in England, and she didn’t have the funds to wait that long, so she took the first job she could start immediately, little realising that once she began work she had no time to look for a more suitable job.
She spent the evening doing her laundry, suddenly realising at bedtime that she hadn’t eaten again. Joshua Hawke had probably gone out and had a big juicy steak, forgetting all about the childish creature he had invited to join him.
Why had he done that? He didn’t seem to be the type good Samaritans were made of. And yet he had listened as she sobbed her heart out. Listened! The poor man hadn’t had much choice about it, she had cried all over him!
Well, that wouldn’t happen again. She didn’t need or want anyone worrying over her, least of all a tall arrogant stranger who mocked her most of the time.
She didn’t know whether she was relieved or disappointed when she left her room the next morning to find the brown pick-up noticeably absent. Joshua Hawke must have left very early, it was only eight-thirty now. Perhaps he worked on one of the ranches after all. But his hand, when he had touched her, hadn’t felt calloused and rough. It hadn’t felt soft and effeminate either, making his occupation a puzzle.
Why on earth did she keep thinking of the man! She wasn’t likely to see or hear from him again, he had probably forgotten all about her now that he had returned home.
Did he have a wife? She somehow didn’t think so. Why she thought that she didn’t know, he just hadn’t looked married. She was probably wrong, he probably had half a dozen children too! Maybe that was the reason he had been so patient with her display of tears, because he had children of his own.
But he hadn’t treated her like a child, despite calling her ‘little one’ and ‘baby’!
She had to stop thinking about the man; he had gone now, and she doubted he would ever be back. This motel rarely had the same visitors twice, the rooms were not exactly of a glamorous standard.
‘Daydreaming?’ Frances Johnston asked waspishly, as she sat behind the desk in the reception area, looking attractive in a tight blouse and even tighter skirt.
‘No, I—I was just—thinking.’ About Joshua Hawke! And she wouldn’t do it again. The man had shown her a little kindness, but he was gone now, for ever.
Frances’ mouth twisted. ‘A bit early in the day for that, isn’t it?’
‘Maybe,’ Erin dismissed, knowing that the other woman was spoiling for an argument. Frances didn’t like her, was aware of her husband’s interest in her, and she liked that even less. If only she knew how Erin hated Mike’s attentions, the way he took every opportunity to touch her, the way he crudely made verbal passes at her! The whole thing made her cringe, but Frances seemed to enjoy acting the jealous wife, and took delight in making digs at Erin whenever they were alone together.
Frances looked down her nose at her. ‘I have to take care of the office for a couple of hours. You start the rooms and I’ll catch you up later.’
She knew that meant she was on her own again today, and the thought of cleaning forty rooms single-handed for the second day running made her groan in dismay.
Her resentment burned all the time she was loading the clean linen on to the trolley, wheeling the huge vacuum-cleaner out on to the pathway.
She couldn’t stand much more of this, she just didn’t have the stamina for it. For about the tenth time in as many days she promised herself that tonight she would look through the newspapers for another job, knowing that when the time came she would be too tired and disheartened to bother.
Room twenty-six first; she could be sure that room was empty. Would Joshua Hawke have left any of his personality in the room, or would it just be the impersonal room it had always seemed?
Joshua Hawke again! He meant nothing to her, nothing. How could she possibly miss a person she didn’t even know, a person who had taken a few minutes out of his day to listen to her? She couldn’t. And yet his mocking kindness had stayed with her all during the night, and for once she had slept soundlessly.
The room was in darkness, the curtains having been left drawn, and the smell of alcohol was very strong. Erin’s nose wrinkled with distaste. Joshua Hawke hadn’t just left an imprint of his personality on the room, he had left it in almost as much of a mess as it had been yesterday!
She sighed heavily. So he hadn’t been so different after all, just another man out for a good time. The ‘talk’ he had wanted last night could have been a lot more than that. Thank heavens she had refused.
She moved to the window to pull back the curtains and let in some light, gasping as a hand caught her around the wrist and the rumpled mound of sheets and blankets materialised into a body—a male body.
‘Mr Hawke!’ she gasped.
‘’Morning, sweetheart,’ he smiled up at her, his eyes lazily appreciative, his black hair tousled into disorder. The sheet fell back to his waist as he sat up in the bed, and Erin didn’t need much imagination to know that the rest of him was as naked as that hard-muscled chest!
CHAPTER TWO
‘I—Good morning,’ she returned stiltedly. ‘I’m sorry if I disturbed you.’ She looked away from that naked chest and the clear outline of his thighs beneath the sheet.
Heavy lids lowered over teasing green eyes. ‘Honey, this sort of disturbance I like,’ he grinned at her.
Erin wished he wouldn’t smile at her, it gave her a fluttering sensation in her stomach and made her breath catch in her throat. ‘I thought this room was empty,’ she said awkwardly.
‘It is—except for me.’
‘I——’ She suddenly realised he was still holding her wrist, his thumb running over the delicate veins there. When she tried to pull away his grip tightened, pulling her down beside him on the bed. ‘Would you let go of me? Please,’ she added in a pleading tone.
‘In a minute,’ he dismissed, his other hand coming up to slowly trail the fingers down her cheek. He frowned as she flinched. ‘What is it?’ he asked sharply. ‘Did I hurt you?’
He had been infinitely gentle, and he knew it. It was that she no longer trusted herself to be any sort of judge of character. Yesterday she had thought him a nice man who was genuinely interested in her, until he had shown her that his appointment, which by the odour in this room had been with a beer bottle, was more important than listening to the woeful tale of some unknown English girl, and now he had pulled her down on to his bed, in which he was obviously naked.
‘Erin?’ he prompted.
At least he remembered her name! ‘No,’ she moved away from that caressing hand, ‘you didn’t hurt me. I’ll come back when you’ve gone,’ and she stood up, trying to pull her wrist out of his grasp.
He was completely alert now, the last blanket of sleep—or hangover—pushed to the background. ‘Did you eat last night?’ he asked suddenly, refusing to let her go.
He completely threw her with the unexpectedness of the question. ‘No,’ she answered huskily.
His face darkened with anger. ‘Why?’
‘I—I forgot.’
‘You forgot!’ he repeated in disgust. ‘How can you forget to eat?’
Erin moved uncomfortably. ‘I don’t know how, I just do it all the time.’
He gave an angry sigh. ‘Because you’re too damn tired to think straight. What time did you finish here last night?’
‘About six-thirty.’
‘Plenty of time for you to have met me for dinner.’
Her nose wrinkled. ‘I’d rather have no dinner at all than one that consisted mainly of beer.’
For a moment Joshua Hawke looked incredulous, then his eyes glittered with anger. ‘You little——!’ He broke off, pulling her roughly down beside him to bend over her, his mouth coming down savagely on hers.
Erin was shocked into acquiescence, lying quietly beneath him as he plundered her mouth with ruthless insistence, holding her arms at her sides as she began to fight him. She was suffocating, unable to breathe, and her frightened groans of distress finally seemed to reach him as he lifted his head to look down at her.
She couldn’t have known the vulnerable figure she looked, with her wide frightened eyes and trembling lower lip. Joshua Hawke’s expression softened as he looked down at her. ‘Your accusations were unfounded, little one,’ he said softly. ‘But I don’t think you deserved that,’ he touched her slightly swollen lips. ‘Do you accept my apology?’
She couldn’t speak, couldn’t move. ‘I—I——’
‘You’re babbling again,’ he taunted.
Her eyes flashed. ‘Of course I’m babbling!’ She pushed against him, the warmth of his skin seeming to burn her hand, bringing her to an awareness of the fact that only a thin cotton sheet separated her from his nakedness. She sat up, scrambling hastily off the bed. ‘You shouldn’t have kissed me,’ she accused.
He leant back against the headboard. ‘I agree, I shouldn’t. But then you shouldn’t have accused me of having a drinking dinner. I had a couple of beers with some friends of mine, but I certainly wasn’t drunk.’
‘No?’ She picked a pair of crumpled denims up from the floor, giving him a pointed look before putting them on the chair.
‘Don’t do that!’ He threw back the sheet and got out of bed, wearing a pair of navy blue briefs, his legs as tanned as the rest of him. He put the denims back on the floor. ‘They happen to reek of beer.’ He unzipped the holdall and pulled out another pair of denims.
Erin looked down at the floor, never having seen a man almost naked before, especially one who was so unconcerned by the fact. She daren’t look up, her embarrassment was so acute.
‘And it wasn’t beer I intended drinking.’ He pulled on the denims and zipped them up. ‘Dave tipped a whole glassful of his beer over me—accidentally. You can look up now,’ he drawled mockingly.
She looked up and then looked hastily away again. His chest was still bare, covered with a fine mat of black hair, his stomach taut and flat, the dark hair passing over his stomach, and lower. He had a magnificent body, lean and tautly muscled, and just to look at him made her blush.
His hand came up under her chin to tilt her face up to him, forcing her to look at him. ‘Hey, no one is that shy,’ he teased.
‘I am!’ she snapped. ‘Put it down to my prissy English background,’ she added bitchily.
He laughed. ‘I’m not to be forgiven for that either, hmm?’
She sighed. ‘I just wish you wouldn’t tease me.’
His thumb slowly caressed her bottom lip. ‘Who says I was teasing?’
Her eyes flew open, deeply blue, her lashes long and thick, naturally so. ‘I—You must have been,’ she fluttered.
He raised his eyebrows. ‘Must I?’
‘Yes…’
Josh Hawke shook his head. ‘I never tease when I make love to a woman. But you’re such a baby, I probably scared the hell out of you, hmm?’
She licked her lips nervously. ‘A—a bit.’
He nodded. ‘I thought so. Well, this time I’m forewarning you. You have two seconds to move away, otherwise I’m going to kiss you again.’
She couldn’t move; she tried, but something held her back. Maybe it was the warmth of his breath against her cheek, or the mesmerism of his deep green eyes, whatever the reason she hadn’t moved when his head lowered to claim her lips for the second time.
His shoulders felt firm beneath her touch as he curved her slender body against the hardness of his, almost lifting her off the ground as he held her to him. His mouth moved druggingly against her, his hands moving down her back, his fingertips running lightly up and down her spine.
Erin was starving for affection, crying out for someone to love her. It had been so long since anyone had held her, kissed her, and she fell a victim of her own weakness for affection, her arms entwining about his neck as she stood on tiptoe to increase the pressure of his mouth on hers.
He pulled back with a gasp. ‘Erin——’
‘Yes—Erin,’ drawled a sarcastic voice from the doorway.
She turned a guilt-stricken face to Frances Johnston as she stood in the doorway, pulling out of Josh Hawke’s arms to run to the door, brushing past Frances and out of the room.
‘Erin——’
‘Don’t worry about her,’ Frances softly interrupted Josh as he came after Erin, and her hand glided up his chest, her long nails painted a deep dark red, ‘Erin tends to be a little—emotional,’ she added huskily. ‘Youth has a way of looking at these things differently.’
Erin turned just in time to see Frances moving insinuatingly against Josh as she slowly pushed him back inside the room.
She couldn’t stay here another moment longer, she just couldn’t. She might be left out on a limb, with no job and nowhere to sleep, but after what Frances had just witnessed her life wouldn’t be worth living around here anyway.
Once she reached the privacy of her room she threw all her belongings into her battered suitcase, tears streaming down her face. Josh was probably reaping the benefit of Frances’ experience at this moment. He would certainly find she had a lot more to offer than Erin had.
God, she hated him, hated them both. How could she have let Josh kiss her like that, have actually kissed him back! It wouldn’t have happened normally, not if she weren’t feeling so miserably alone. She wasn’t usually susceptible to the lazy charm Josh had seduced her with, she was just homesick, needed to get back to England, to——
Who was she kidding? The man had enough charm and sexual attraction to make her fall for the same thing all over again. He had probably recognised her need for some kind of human warmth, and had decided to take advantage of it.
She was such a fool, such a complete and utter idiot. A man like that wouldn’t seriously be interested in someone like her. He was in town looking for fun—and she was supposed to be it. Frances would be a willing stand-in, and Joshua Hawke would probably enjoy it more with her.
The door to her room was suddenly flung open, and Mike Johnston came inside and closed the door. ‘Well, well, well,’ he taunted, his gaze insolently undressing her. ‘And just where do you think you’re going?’ he looked pointedly at her half packed suitcase.
She threw some more clothes inside, not caring that they would all be creased and unwearable when next she opened it. ‘I’m leaving,’ she threw some more things in the case. ‘Right now.’
‘Oh yeah?’ he sneered, his arms folded challengingly across his chest.
‘Yes,’ she nodded, going into the bathroom to collect her few cosmetics.
Mike followed her, swinging her round to face him. ‘You can’t just walk out on me.’
‘I’m going!’ She tried to pry his fingers from her arm, but they refused to be dislodged. ‘Let me go, Mike.’
‘Not until you’ve given me what I want, what you gave that guy in room twenty-six last night.’ His wet lips came down on hers, forcing her head back, her arms twisted painfully behind her back.
‘No!’ She wrenched her mouth away, struggling to be free.
‘Yes!’ he hissed, pulling her so hard against him that he knocked the breath from her body, momentarily dazing her. He pushed her over to the bed and forced her down, his weight pressing down on her.
After Josh this man was grotesque, everything about him nauseating her, so much so that she couldn’t even fight him as he pulled her shirt out of her denims and roughly undid the buttons.
‘I told you I was the first in line when you started coming across,’ he breathed heavily as he looked down at her nakedness. ‘Frances told me you stayed with that guy Hawke last night,’ he snarled.
That brought her out of her daze. ‘Frances told you…?’
‘Just now,’ he nodded, his mouth plundering the hollow between her breasts.
Just now? That meant Frances must have left Josh almost immediately, and from the way she had made a play for him Erin didn’t think the other woman had been the one to call a halt. Josh must have rejected her, he must have done!
She began to struggle now, to fight back, although she didn’t give herself time to wonder why Josh’s lack of interest in Frances should cause this reaction. ‘Let me go, Mike,’ she ordered firmly. ‘Let me go!’ she panicked as he refused to be pushed off, his weight heavy on top of her.
Suddenly he was pulled off her and slammed against the wall. ‘You heard the lady,’ Josh told him, dangerously soft, his eyes glittering like green pebbles as he held the other man pinned to the wall. ‘She doesn’t like you touching her.’
Erin was too busy rebuttoning her shirt to care about the damage Josh might do to Mike; the former was obviously the stronger and fitter of the two.
Mike gave a taunting smile, holding up his hands defensively. ‘She’s all yours, if you want her badly enough to fight over her. Personally I’ve never found her that good.’
She gasped. ‘Why, you——’
‘Keep your dirty comments to yourself,’ Josh rasped, his grasp tightening about the other man’s throat. ‘Or would you like me to make you?’
‘Josh——’
‘You can get out,’ Mike turned on her savagely. ‘Just take your things and get out.’
‘Don’t worry,’ Josh’s mouth twisted, ‘I don’t intend leaving her here with you.’ He thrust the other man away from him, wiping his hands down his denim-clad thighs, as if the touch of the other man had contaminated him.
‘Why, you——!’ Mike raised a fist and swung it at Josh, missing by inches as the latter ducked, his own fist landing painfully in Mike’s flabby stomach. ‘Hell!’ Mike groaned, bent over double.
‘Get out,’ Josh ordered coldly.
Mike looked up with jaundiced eyes. ‘You can’t tell me to get out of my own property!’
‘I just did.’
‘But——’
‘Out!’ Josh snapped tautly.
Mike staggered to the door. ‘I meant it about your going,’ he snarled at Erin’s bent head.
‘Neither of us will be staying,’ Josh answered for her. ‘As soon as Erin has her things together we’ll both be leaving.’
‘That will save me the trouble of throwing you out!’ Even Mike must have realised that was a purely defensive threat, because he made a hasty exit.
Erin slumped back down on to the rumpled bed. ‘Oh, God!’ she shuddered, burying her face in her hands.
Josh’s arm came about her shoulders as he sat down next to her. ‘It’s all over now, sweetheart,’ he comforted gently.
She stiffened, moving away from him. ‘Until the next time,’ she mumbled, standing up to fasten her packed suitcase.
His eyes narrowed to steely green slits. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
She shrugged, feeling cold inside, numb. ‘Men are all the same—they take, they don’t give.’
Amusement lightened his expression. ‘And where did you learn that little gem?’
Her eyes sparkled as she glared at him. ‘From men like you, like Mike, like—like——’
‘Like?’ he suddenly towered over her.
‘Like my father, like Bob,’ she told him vehemently. ‘My father only had me in the first place to try and keep his marriage together, and when it didn’t he couldn’t give a damn about me. And as for Bob, he never wanted me in the first place. He couldn’t wait to throw me out either.’
‘What did you do to him?’ Josh drawled.
‘Nothing! I tried to do everything for him. I took care of him, I even tried to love him, and in the end he threw me out. He has a woman called Mary living with him now,’ she added bitterly.
She had written to Bob to let him know she was leaving her father’s house, and he had written back telling her that there was no place for her at his home, that he had a girl-friend, a girl-friend who had moved in with him. She hadn’t been in touch with him since.
‘Are you ready to leave?’ Josh asked abruptly.
‘Yes. But I don’t really expect you to leave with me.’ She shrugged. ‘Why should you?’
‘Maybe I don’t like the idea of the barracuda being able to enter my room any time she chooses. Or maybe I just don’t like the idea of that guy trying to get into bed with the girls who work for him.’
‘Girl,’ Erin corrected, pulling on her jacket. ‘I’m the only girl who works for him,’ she explained at his questioning look.