Almost Lost

“We bought you something as well,” Cassie said, and shyly handed over the cashew nuts.

“My favorite! I have a busy day tomorrow and I’m going to take these with me and have them for lunch. What a treat. Thank you for such a thoughtful gift.”

As he said the last words, he looked directly at Cassie and his blue gaze held hers for several moments.

After the pizzas had been devoured—Cassie hadn’t had much of an appetite but the others had made up for it and finished every slice—she took the children through to the family room for their allotted TV time, and after watching a talent show they all enjoyed, she put them to bed.

Madison was still excited by the day’s adventures and by the talent show, which had featured two groups of school gymnasts.

“I think I want to be a gymnast one day,” she said.

“It takes hard work, but if it’s your dream, you must follow it,” Cassie advised.

“I feel like I can’t sleep.”

“Do you want to talk some more? Or should I read you a story?”

Cassie tried not to feel impatient at the thought of Ryan, sitting outside with his wine, waiting for her. Or perhaps he wouldn’t wait, but would have an early night instead. In which case, she’d miss the opportunity to tell him about Dylan’s shoplifting.

The memory jolted her. In her happiness over the thoughtful gift, and the chatter at the dinner table, she’d forgotten about that unpleasant incident. It was her duty to tell Ryan, even if it ended up spoiling what had been a wonderful day.

“I’d like to read for a while.”

Madison scrambled out from between the sheets, headed for the shelf, and selected a book she had obviously read many times, because its spine was creased and its pages dog-eared.

“This is the story of an ordinary girl who becomes a ballet dancer. I really enjoy it, it’s exciting. Every time I read it, it’s exciting. Don’t you think that’s strange?”

“No, not at all. The best stories always make you feel that way,” Cassie said.

“Cassie, do you think they teach gymnastics at boarding school?”

That mention of boarding again. Cassie paused.

“Yes, especially since boarding schools are usually bigger schools. They’ll have lots of sports facilities there I should think.”

Madison seemed satisfied with that answer, but then she had another thought.

“Do boarding schools let you stay there during the holidays?”

“No, you have to come home for the holidays. Why would you want to stay at school?”

Cassie hoped Madison would answer, but she pulled the duvet up to her chin and opened her book.

“I just wondered. Good night. I’ll turn my light out later.”

“I’ll check on you,” Cassie promised, before closing the door.

She sprinted to her room, grabbed her coat and pulled on the beautiful new gloves, and rushed to the balcony.

To her relief, Ryan was still there. In fact, she saw with a thrill of happiness that he’d waited for her before pouring the wine. As soon as he saw her he got to his feet, moved her chair closer to his, and plumped up the cushion before she sat down.

“Cheers. Thank you so much for today. It’s the best feeling in the world to see the kids so happy.”

“Cheers.”

As she touched her wineglass to his, she remembered that it hadn’t been a perfect day. There had been a serious incident. How was she going to tell him? What if he criticized her and said she should have handled it differently?

It would be better to ease into it, she decided, and to bring the topic up in a conversational way. She hoped Ryan might mention his divorce again, because that would provide the perfect opening for her to say, “You know, I think this divorce might have been troubling Dylan more than we’ve been realizing, because just after Madison mentioned her mother, he stole some sweets from the store.”

They spoke for a while about the weather—tomorrow was supposed to be a fine day—and the children’s schedule. Ryan explained that the school bus would pick them up at seven-thirty in the morning, by which time he would already be gone, and that the children would tell her what time school ended, and if they needed to be taken to any activities.

“There’s a timetable on the inside of my cupboard door, if you want to check,” he said. “I update it whenever there’s a change in timing.”

“Thank you so much. I’ll check it if I need to,” Cassie said.

“You know,” Ryan said, and Cassie tensed, draining the last of her wine, because the tone of his voice had changed, becoming more serious. She was sure he was going to mention his divorce, and that meant it would be time for her to bring up the difficult topic of Dylan’s shoplifting.

He refilled their glasses before continuing.

“You know, you were very much on my mind today. As soon as I saw those gloves I thought of you and I realized how much I enjoyed our chat outside yesterday The gloves were really a way of saying that I would love you to spend every evening out here with me.”

For a moment Cassie didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t believe what Ryan had just said. Then, as his words sank in, she felt happiness fill her.

“I’ll be glad to. I loved the time we spent together last night.”

She wanted to add more, but stopped herself. She must be careful of spilling out the emotions that were rising inside her, because Ryan’s comment might just have been politeness.

“Do they fit well?” He took her left hand in his cupped palm and ran his thumb gently over her fingers.

“Yes, they are a perfect fit. And I can’t feel the cold in them at all.”

Her heart was beating so fast she wondered if he’d be able to feel her pulse pounding as he gently stroked his fingers over her wrist, before releasing his grasp.

“I admire you so much, taking such a big step to travel overseas. Did you decide to do this all on your own? Or with a friend?”

“All on my own,” Cassie said, glad that he appreciated what it took.

“That’s incredible. What do your family think?”

Cassie didn’t want to lie, so she did her best to skirt the issue.

“Everyone was supportive. Friends, family, and my previous employers. I did have a few friends tell me I would be homesick and would come back soon, but that hasn’t happened.”

“And did you leave anyone special behind? A boyfriend, perhaps?”

Cassie could hardly breathe as she realized what this question might imply. Was Ryan hinting at something? Or was it just a conversational question, finding out more about her? She needed to be cautious because she was so star-struck by him that she could easily babble out something inappropriate.

“I don’t have a boyfriend. I dated a guy earlier this year, back in the States, but we broke up a while before I left.”

That wasn’t true. She’d broken up with her abusive ex only a couple of weeks before leaving, and one of her main reasons for traveling overseas had been to get so far away that he couldn’t follow and she couldn’t change her mind.

Cassie couldn’t give Ryan the correct version. Right here and now, watching the white crests of the distant waves roll to shore, she wanted him to think that her last relationship was far in her past. That she was serene and unscarred and ready for a new one.

“I’m glad you shared that with me. It would be wrong of me not to make sure,” Ryan said softly. “And I assume you must have ended things, because I can’t see it being the other way round.”

Cassie stared at him, hypnotized by his pale blue eyes, feeling as if she were in a dream.

“Yes, I did. It wasn’t working out and I had to make a hard decision.”

He nodded.

“That’s what I sensed about you from the first time we spoke. Your inner strength. That ability to know what you want, and to strive for it, and yet you have this amazing empathy and gentleness and wisdom.”

“Well, I don’t know about wise. I don’t feel very wise most of the time.”

Ryan laughed. “That’s because you’re too busy living life to be overly introspective. Another great quality.”

“Hey, I feel that while I’m here, I might learn from an expert in that regard,” she countered.

“Isn’t life the most fun when you spend it with somebody who makes it worth living?”

His words were teasing, but his face was serious, and she found she couldn’t look away.

“Yes, definitely,” she whispered.

This didn’t feel like a normal conversation. It meant something more. It must.

Ryan put his glass down and took her hand, helping her out of the deep cushion. His arm slid round her waist, casually, for a few moments as she turned to go back inside.

“I hope you sleep well,” he said, when they reached her bedroom door.

His hand brushed the small of her back as he leaned toward her and for a moment her amazed eyes took in the shape of his mouth, sensual and firm, framed by a soft outline of stubble.

Then his lips touched hers for just a moment before he drew away and said, softly, “Good night.”

Cassie watched until he’d closed his bedroom door and then, feeling as if she were floating on air, she checked that Madison’s light was out and returned to her room.

With a jolt, she realized she’d forgotten to tell Ryan about the shoplifting.

There hadn’t been the opportunity. The evening had not turned out that way. It had gone in a completely different direction, an unexpected one that had left her feeling amazed and hopeful and expectant. With that kiss, she felt as if a door had opened, and beyond it she’d glimpsed something that might change her entire world.

Had he meant it in a friendly way? Or had he meant something more by it? She wasn’t sure, but thought it had. The uncertainty made her feel nervous and excited, but in a good way.

Back in her room, she checked her messages again and found Renee had texted her back.

“The woman said she was calling from a pay phone. So no number. If she calls again I’ll ask her name.”

As she read the message, Cassie had a sudden idea.

This mystery woman had called from a pay phone, fearful to leave her details, and had contacted a school friend who was one of Cassie’s only friends who still lived in her old hometown.

Cassie’s father had moved away from where they’d grown up. He’d moved several times, changing jobs, changing girlfriends, and losing his phone just about every time he went on a drunken rampage. She hadn’t been in touch with him for ages and never wanted to see him again. He was aging, his health was broken, and he’d created the life he deserved for himself. However, this meant he was no longer contactable by family looking to get in touch. Even she wouldn’t know how to get hold of her dad now.

There was a chance—a chance that seemed stronger the more she thought about it—that this caller was her sister, Jacqui, doing her best to trace Cassie again. An old school friend would be the only connection if you weren’t on social media, and Jacqui wasn’t. Cassie looked for her often, searching whenever she had the time, hopeful that her detective work might uncover a clue to her sister’s whereabouts.

Goosebumps prickled Cassie’s spine as she considered the possibility that it had been Jacqui who’d called.

It didn’t mean Jacqui was in a good situation, but then, she’d never thought she was. If Jacqui had been settled down, with a stable job and an apartment, she would have been in touch long ago.

When Cassie thought of Jacqui she always imagined uncertainty, precariousness. She visualized a life teetering on a fragile balance—between money and poverty, drugs and rehab, boyfriends and abusers, who knew the details? The more uncertain Jacqui’s life was, the harder it would be for her to make contact with family she’d left long ago. Perhaps her circumstances didn’t allow it, or she was ashamed of the situation she was in. She might be spending weeks and months on the road or off the grid, high out of her mind, or begging for food, or who knew what?

Cassie decided she was going to have faith, and take the chance this was Jacqui reaching out.

Quickly, knowing that Ryan might turn off the Wi-Fi at any moment, she messaged Renee back.

“It could be my sister. If she calls again, please give her my number.”

Hoping that her hunch was right, Cassie closed her eyes, feeling she’d done what she could to reestablish contact with the only family she still cared about.