The Journey
Over the past few years, there had been several young chaps who had shown an interest in her; to her dismay, Lucy had systematically sent them all packing. Yet there were good reasons for this: not one of them was good enough for her, Lucy said grimly, and had been proved right when each one had eventually shown his true colours.
‘Nonsense! I mean no harm. I’m just being my usual, nosy self,’ Lucy replied with a stay of her hand. ‘Besides, I should be old enough now to speak my mind without offending anyone. I’m quite sure our Mr Morris won’t mind. After all, we need to know the calibre of the man who’s crossed our path twice today.’
Addressing Ben she asked pointedly, ‘Are you offended by my questions?’
Ben shook his head. ‘I was married and now I’m divorced,’ he said quietly. ‘Not the most pleasant experience of my life, I have to admit.’
‘And have you children?’
‘A daughter … Abbie.’
‘And where is she?’
‘Abbie lives in London, where she shares a flat with other young working people. I miss her, but she is due to come down to Far Crest Farm next week to spend a few days with me.’
‘That’s enough, Mother!’ Stepping forward as though to protect Ben, Mary told him, ‘You’re welcome to stay to supper, but you can leave right now if you want to, and I wouldn’t blame you. You see, Mother won’t stop asking questions until she knows everything about you.’ Mary so much wanted him to stay, but it had to be his choice.
‘That’s OK. I might even ask a few questions of my own, later,’ he said.
Lucy laughed out loud. ‘Now then, young man. Will you stay or will you run?’
‘I’ll stay.’ His mind was already made up. ‘Thank you very much. Should I go home and change for the occasion?’ He had an idea that Lucy Davidson might be a stickler for protocol.
He was wrong. ‘You look decent enough to me, so you can put that silly idea out of your head,’ she said. ‘It won’t take Mary long to rustle up a meal for the three of us. Meanwhile, just make yourself at home.’
‘If you say so.’ It was a strange thing, but her brisk, authoritative manner was not off-putting to him. His instincts told him it was all an act on her part. ‘I’m grateful to you both.’ When he and Mary exchanged smiles, Lucy was thrilled. The more she saw of Ben, the more she liked and trusted him. He was the one for her daughter; she was sure of it.
So it was settled.
Ben considered himself fortunate to be sharing an evening with Mary and her mother. He liked Lucy, she was a rare character. Though it was Mary at the forefront of his thoughts. For some inexplicable reason, the young woman had captured his imagination – and possibly his heart, though it was much too early to tell, he thought warily.
He had been in love before, and it had turned out to be a heartache.
After that crippling experience with Pauline, he was not ready to throw himself in at the deep end with anyone.
Chapter 3
MARY PEERED OUT into the garden from the big bay window. Its light spilled out onto the lawn, where Ben was carefully picking his way along the path, looking at her handiwork.
‘You don’t need to send for Elsie,’ she told her mother. ‘I’m a poor thing if I can’t organise a simple dinner for three.’
‘I know that,’ Lucy retorted. ‘It’s just that I want you and Ben to get to know each other, and you can’t do that if you’re in the kitchen cooking, can you?’
‘Oh Mam, you’re a devil, you are!’ Mary couldn’t help but smile. ‘I know what you’re up to, and I think you’ve embarrassed him enough, without trying to throw us together. If he likes me and I like him, then things might happen naturally, and if they don’t, they don’t.’ Though she hoped they would, for she had not met a man like Ben before. He seemed so mature beside her former boyfriends.
‘And do you?’
‘Do I what?’
Lucy groaned. ‘BEN! Do you like him?’
‘I’d be a fool to tell you if I did.’ Mary shook her head. ‘Think whatever you want,’ she said casually. ‘You will anyway.’ Her mother was the rarest and most wonderful of characters. She never missed a trick. When Lucy Davidson was around, there was no use trying to keep secrets.
‘Where is he now?’ Curious, Lucy stretched her neck to see out of the window. ‘He’s not escaped, has he? You’ve not frightened him off, I hope.’
Mary laughed at that. ‘No! He wanted to see what I’d been doing to the garden, that’s all.’
Lucy tutted. ‘Silly girl! Don’t you know anything?’ Sometimes she despaired of her, and at other times she was proud of Mary – and proud of herself – because it meant that she had raised an intelligent, trusting girl who saw the good in everyone.
‘What are you getting at, Mother?’
‘It’s fairly obvious, isn’t it? He wanted you to go with him. Oh, dearie me!’
Mary would not admit it to her mother, but she had been sorely tempted to join Ben in the garden. However, there wasn’t enough time. If the women had been on their own, a bowl of soup and slice of cold apple-pie would have done them proud for supper, but having invited Ben to join them, they had to do better than that. Mary was planning to cook some pork chops, and serve them with mashed potatoes and homemade pickle.
‘You forget, I’ve a dinner to cook,’ she answered. ‘There’ll be time enough later for us all to get to know each other.’
A familiar tap on the living-room door curtailed their conversation. Hurrying to the door, Mary drew it open. ‘Hello, Adam,’ she said, and hugged him. These past years, the small man had been like a father to her although, like the gent he was, Adam had always kept his distance.
Lucy’s face lit up. ‘Adam, come in. Come in!’ Dismissing Mary with a wave of her hand, she reminded her, ‘I thought you were away to start supper?’
‘I was … I am.’ Looking from Adam to her mother, the girl couldn’t help but wonder what was going on. Whenever her mother wanted her out of the way like this, there was usually something brewing. But then she was always involved in some scheme or another, bless her heart. It was what kept her going.
‘Go on then,’ Lucy reprimanded her. ‘Adam and I have business to discuss, so be off with you.’ She had been unable to speak to him privately earlier, when he’d driven her and Mary to the churchyard, and now she wanted a quiet word with him.
‘She doesn’t change, does she, Adam?’ Mary groaned light-heartedly. ‘Same old bully as ever.
Adam’s fond gaze bathed the older woman. ‘She’ll never change,’ he said softly. ‘Thank God.’ The same age as Lucy, he had stayed with her through thick and thin, and every inch of the way he had loved and adored her from afar. Lucy knew it, yet she never said. She felt a lot of affection for him too. But it was not the same deep, driving passion she’d had for Barney. That kind of love happened only once in a lifetime.
And yet in her deepest heart, though he had taken good care of her and showed her nothing but kindness, she knew that Barney had not loved her back in the same way. How could he, when his own dearest love was thousands of miles away, probably still yearning for her darling Barney and suffering bitter-sweet thoughts of this wonderful man, whom she had adored more than any other, and who for reasons she might never know, had broken her heart and her life.
It had been a tragedy; a cruel and sorry business that only the gods could have prevented – at least, that was what Barney always claimed.
‘I’m sorry I had to use the key to let myself in,’ Adam explained. ‘I did knock a few times, but no one answered. You obviously didn’t hear me.’
‘No need to apologise,’ Lucy chided. ‘The key was given so you could use it whenever necessary. It was necessary on this occasion, so we’ll hear no more about it.’
‘It’s no wonder we didn’t hear you at the door,’ Mary remarked good-naturedly. ‘Mother was too busy having a go at me, laying down the law and trying to fit me up with a man who was kind enough to return her handbag.’
‘Dear, dear!’ With an aside wink, Adam tutted loudly. ‘Interfering again, is she? Mind you, I can’t say I blame her.’
With her sound and wary experience of men, Lucy could tell the wheat from the chaff. Mary, on the other hand, was more trusting and less worldly-wise. The lass was not what you might call beautiful, but she was a good-looking young woman all the same, with a heart of gold and a great deal to offer. Adam had no doubt but that she would make some man a loving and loyal wife one of these days.
With Mary gone, Lucy bade Adam sit in the chair opposite her. ‘Have you done what I asked?’ she said in a low voice.
He nodded. ‘I have. I drove straight up to Liverpool early yesterday and went to see him at his house.’
Lucy gave a long, deep sigh. ‘Thank you. I knew I could rely on you.’ Her eyes clouded with tears, she asked next, ‘What did he say?’
Adam was reluctant to disappoint her. ‘He was surprised to hear from me. I mean, it’s been a good few years, hasn’t it?’
She nodded. ‘Nigh on twenty, plus there’s been the war and all. And is he well?’
‘None too bad, yes.’
‘What was his answer?’
The man had no choice but to relay the truth. ‘Sorry, Lucy. Much as he would love to see you again, he can’t visit. At least not yet.’
Lucy was dismayed at the news. ‘Oh Adam, why not?’ Disappointment shook her voice. ‘Why can’t he come down here?’
Adam explained: ‘He’s been ill for some time, see – bronchitis and some sort of complication, like pleurisy. He’s only now beginning to come through it. He’s not as young as he used to be, think on. None of us are.’
Lucy nodded her understanding. ‘He can’t help being ill, I suppose,’ she said.
‘But he sends his regards and says you’re to take care of yourself, and he promises to come and visit at the first opportunity.’ Fishing in his pocket, Adam handed her an envelope. ‘He asked me to give you this.’
Taking the envelope, Lucy tore it open and took out the letter, which she read aloud:
My dearest Lucy,
How wonderful to hear from you, after all these long years. I hope you are well, and that you’re being your usual self … living life to the full, the brave young woman I remember from my days as a doctor.
I don’t need to tell you how sorry I was to hear about Barney’s death. Like you, I will never forget him, or what he did. When he begged me to keep his secret, I wrestled with my conscience but God help me, I could not refuse him.
Over the years, I have often thought of Barney, and his impossible situation, but I have never regretted doing what I did; nor I imagine did he.
Take care of yourself, Lucy my dear, and when I’m well enough, I promise I will come and visit. It will be just the tonic I need, I’m sure.
May I say, I was most pleased and surprised to see Adam Chives; your dear friend who, as I understand it, is never far from your side … as ever.
Best wishes. May God bless you both,
Raymond Lucas
Lying back in the chair, Lucy closed her eyes. For a long moment she remained silent.
‘Lucy!’ Adam knew she was bitterly disappointed. ‘He will visit – he said so, and as I recall, he was always a man of his word.’
‘I know.’ She opened her eyes, which were bright with tears. ‘Poor Raymond. I don’t doubt he’s had his own fair share of problems, but oh, it would have been so good to see him.’ She paused, suddenly exhausted. ‘Jamie …’ she whispered.
Concerned, Adam touched her on the hand. ‘Are you all right, lass?’
‘It’s brought everything back, that’s all.’ Needing to reassure him, she gave her brightest smile, and for the briefest moment he saw her as she had been all those years ago – young and vibrant; hardworking and so generous of heart.
‘So tell me, Lucy, what was the real reason behind your need to see him?’
‘What d’you mean?’ Lucy demanded.
Adam knew she could be wily. ‘What I mean is this: are you ill and not telling?’
‘If I was ill, you’d soon know about it,’ she lied. Carefully choosing her words, she went on, ‘You remember how it was all those years ago, don’t you?’
‘Of course I remember.’ Looking away, he saw it all in his mind’s eye. He had often wondered whether, if he had been put through the same test as Barney, he could have been as strong. ‘I remember it all,’ he whispered. ‘How could I forget?’
‘And you recall what a valued friend Dr Lucas was?’ Her voice shook. Oh, the memories! She swallowed hard and went on: ‘I just thought it might be nice to renew an old friendship.’
The truth was, Lucy had other reasons for wanting him here, but she didn’t want to worry anyone. Not yet. Although the doctors hereabouts were fine, experienced men, she could not bring herself to trust them for something this serious. If there was one man who would tell her the truth, it was Raymond Lucas.
‘I’m getting older, Adam. As each day passes, the memories become more vivid.’ She drew herself up. ‘I need to thank Dr Lucas for what he did. I want to see him, that’s all … before it’s too late.’
Alarmed, the little man looked her in the eye. ‘Are you sure there’s something you’re not telling me?’
‘Such as what?’
Dismissing her question he asked, ‘What exactly did Dr Nolan say to you when he saw you at the surgery last week?’
She tutted. ‘I’ve already told you. He said I needed to slow down. That I was exhausted.’
‘And that’s all? Nothing else?’
Tutting again, Lucy snapped, ‘Stop fretting! I’ve already told you, I’m fit as a fiddle – for an old ’un anyway.’ She chuckled, ‘If they want rid of me, they’ll have to shoot me first.’
There was a lengthy silence, charged with things unsaid. The bond between them was deep.
Even though the passage of their lives was already well run, there was nothing Adam Chives wanted more than to make Lucy Davidson his wife. He longed to take care of her, spoil her, hold her tight when she was sad and laugh with her when she was happy. To be there when she went to sleep and waiting beside her when she awoke; to share every precious moment of her life. That was all he had wanted for a long, long time.
Lucy knew it had been on the tip of his tongue to propose to her. She recognised the signs, the twinkle in his eye and the ache in his voice, and she had to disappoint him yet again. ‘I don’t want you worrying about me, old friend. You just need to remember, I’m no longer a spring chicken – and the same goes for you.’ Sometimes her bones ached until she thought they would seize up altogether, and on occasions, when she had walked with her stick too far, her fingers curled round the handle and would not let go.
Reaching out, she took hold of his hand. ‘I’m a lucky woman to have such a friend – the very best friend any woman could ever have.’ Except for Barney, she thought. But then he had been more than a friend. He had been everything to her: friend, hero, lover, soulmate and confidant. All the men in the world rolled into one could never replace her beloved Barney.
Yet she owed this dear man so much. ‘I could never have got through these past years without you.’ She squeezed his hand fondly. ‘You have to believe that.’
Gazing at her, his heart flooding with all kinds of emotions, he said gruffly, ‘You know I’ll always be here for you, whenever you need me.’
His heartfelt promise touched her deeply. ‘Oh, Adam! So many secrets,’ she murmured regretfully, ‘so much pain. Whatever I do, I can’t bring him back. I can’t make it all better. Sometimes, when I’m in my bed with the sleep lying heavy on me, the awful memories come flooding back, and I think about Barney’s loved ones.’ She lowered her gaze. ‘I should tell them, shouldn’t I?’
Adam sighed deeply. ‘You must follow your heart on that one, Lucy, my lass. I can’t advise. No one can.’
‘If only I knew whether it would make matters better or worse.’ Her voice broke. ‘God help me, old friend, I don’t know what to do.’
‘You should ask yourself: if you were to tell them, would it be to ease their burden … or your own?’
Lucy had already asked herself that same question many times. ‘I don’t think anything could ease my burden,’ she answered thoughtfully, ‘but it pains me badly, to think they may never know what sort of man he really was.’
Sometimes the weight of it all was unbearable. ‘For the rest of their lives, they’ll remember what happened; they’ll think of it and the bitterness will rise. They can never see the truth. They’ll see it the way Barney wanted them to see it.’ She gulped back the threatening tears. ‘That’s a terrible thing, you know, Adam. It isn’t fair to them, and it isn’t fair to Barney.’
Weighing it up in his mind, Adam slowly nodded his head. ‘You must do what your heart tells you, my darling,’ he reiterated kindly. ‘Like I say, no one can advise you on that, though once the truth is out, there’ll be no going back. You do realise that, don’t you?’
‘Only too well.’ The words sailed out on a long, quiet sigh. ‘What would it do to them? Would they blame themselves? Would they blame me … or Barney? And could they ever find it in their hearts to forgive?’
With both her hands she grabbed him by the arm, as though clinging to him for support. ‘God help me, Adam, if I make the wrong decision, they could be hurt beyond belief. And that wouldn’t be right, because none of it was their doing.’
‘What about Mary?’ Having seen her grow up, he had great affection for Lucy’s daughter. ‘Will you tell her?’
‘She will have to know at some stage.’ Lucy had been giving it some thought for a long time now. ‘I’ve agonised about what it would do to her if she learned the real truth about her daddy, but I’ve always known there would come a day when I would have to tell her the whole story.’
A look of pride flashed in her eyes. ‘Mary is strong. What she learns will come as a shock to her, yes, but I truly believe that in the end, she might just be the one to hold it all together.’
For a moment, the two of them sat and held hands, united. Then, breaking the moment, Lucy let go and looked mischievously at Adam.
‘Before I let you go, will you do me another favour?’
‘Of course!’
‘Knock on Elsie Langton’s door and ask her if she wouldn’t mind coming back to prepare a meal for three.’
He chuckled. ‘You old fox! You’ve got it all planned, haven’t you?’
‘Well, the two of them will never get together with him in the garden freezing half to death and her in the kitchen getting all hot and bothered. It’s up to us old ones to show them the way.’ She gave him a little push. ‘Go on then! Fetch yon Elsie back and tell her she’ll be paid double time for the pleasure.’
Standing up, he looked down on her with admiration. ‘Consider it done,’ he said.
She waved her hand impatiently. ‘Get a move on, then! Don’t stand there until Mary’s up to her neck in potato peelings and cabbage. A whiff of that and our Prince Charming will be gone for good!’
Adam laughed out loud. ‘Mary’s right. You really are all kinds of a bully.’ With that he went away at a smart pace, chuckling and jingling the keys to the big car.
Then he wondered once more about the real reason she had wanted to see Dr Lucas, and his heart sank. God forbid that anything should happen to her, for the world would be a darker place without his Lucy.
Reaching the smithy, Adam parked the big black car and walked up the footpath to the front door. Knowing how Charlie Langton was a bit deaf, he made a fist and knocked soundly on the door.
‘Gawd Almighty!’ Having rushed to see who was at his door, Elsie Langton’s husband was none too pleased to learn the reason for this late visit.
‘Can’t you buggers look after yerselves for five minutes!’ An old Lancastrian who had moved down south many years back, Charlie had lost none of his accent, and even less of his attitude. But he was harmless enough and there had never been such a dedicated blacksmith; besides which he always gave sweets to the children and was straightforward to deal with. You always knew where you were with Charlie, and after a while, folks had come to respect and like him.
Calling him inside he told Adam, ‘The poor lass never stops! She’s rushed in from the big ’ouse, got the dinner on the table, gulped hers down, and now she’s upstairs changing the bedclothes.’
An ordinary man with ordinary needs, Charlie suffered from a nervous twitch in his left eye whenever things got too much for him. The more agitated he grew, the more his eye twitched, and it was twitching now like never before. ‘Bloody folks wi’ money … think yer can do what yer like wi’ such as us!’
Being used to his ways, Adam took no offence. ‘I haven’t got any money,’ he said loudly, ‘and you know as well as I do that the Davidsons always do their best by this village.’
Charlie snorted and turning round, he informed Adam, ‘Aye well, that’s as mebbe, but I might like to ’ave the wife to mesel’ now an’ then. You buggers up at the ’ouse want to think o’ that.’ He gave the smaller man a shrivelling glance. ‘Besides, I might be a bit deaf, but I’ve still got one good ear, so there’s no need to shout like a damned fishwife.’
To Adam’s amusement, Charlie grumbled all the way down the passage. ‘She’ll not want to come back, and I wouldn’t blame ’er neither! If it were up to me, she’d be in the chair warming her feet by the fireside, but she’ll not listen to me, so I’ll not waste me time.’
Arriving at the bottom of the stairs, he raised his voice. ‘ELSIE! It’s the man from the big ’ouse to see yer!’ Giving Adam a scathing glance with the steady eye, he bawled again, ‘WANT BLOOD, THEY DO! YOU’D BEST COME AN’ SEE TO ’IM, ’CAUSE I’VE OTHER THINGS TO BE DOING.’
Within minutes there was a flurry of activity from the upper level, swiftly followed by the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. ‘What’s to do?’ Round and homely, and looking flummoxed, it was Elsie. ‘Oh, Adam!’ Her first thought was for Lucy. ‘She’s not fallen over again, has she?’
‘No,’ he reassured her, ‘it’s nothing like that. She just wondered if you might be able to come back with me and help cook a meal and clear it up afterwards.’ Raising his eyebrows in intimate fashion, he explained, ‘She’s got a visitor – yon chappie from Far Crest Farm – and he seems to have taken a real shine to Mary, and—’
Before he could finish, she gave a knowing wink. ‘I see. And she wants me in the kitchen, so’s the two of them can spend some time together, is that it?’
He smiled with relief. ‘You know her almost as well as I do, Elsie, and yes, that’s the general idea.’
‘And does Mary know what her mother’s up to?’
‘Well, she doesn’t know I’ve been to fetch you, if that’s what you mean. She’s in the kitchen as we speak, preparing the evening meal. I tell you what though, Elsie, she does seem to get on very well with the fellow in question.’
Elsie was delighted. ‘In that case, how can I say no? Mary is a lovely young woman and deserves a good man to take care of her. Is this man a decent sort? Only I’ve not met him to speak to. We exchanged pleasantries as we passed in the lane once, but he didn’t linger, ’cause he was off on one of his long walks. Every morning come rain or shine, he’s away across the fields with that dog of his.’
From his chair by the fireside, Charlie had seen their lips moving but heard not a single word. ‘What’s he saying?’ he asked irritably. ‘What’s going on now?’
‘Nothing for you to worry about,’ his wife told him sharply. ‘I’m off to do an extra shift for Mrs Davidson, that’s all.’
‘Oh aye, I gathered that much. An’ how long will yer be?’
‘A couple of hours at the most, I reckon.’
He sat bolt upright in the chair. ‘Don’t forget to tell the buggers yer want double time!’
‘Lucy will give me that without asking,’ Elsie replied. ‘She’s a good woman.’