The Journey

Chapter 4

THE FIRST MARY knew about the arrangement was when Elsie marched into the kitchen. ‘Right then, miss, you get off and see to your visitor while I crack on with the meal.’ She cast an experienced eye over the preparations. ‘Well now! You’ve already done the vegetables and got the meat sizzling away in the oven. There’s not all that much left for me to do, is there, bar serve it and clear it all away. I’ll make a nice drop of gravy, shall I?’

Caught unawares, Mary asked her, ‘This is Mother’s doing, isn’t it? She sent for you. Poor Elsie, I’m sorry for all the trouble you’ve been put to. Wouldn’t you rather be at home with your Charlie?’

‘No. I’d rather be here, cooking for you and earning double time, than listening to my old man snoring his head off.’

‘All right then,’ Mary conceded, ‘but only on one condition.’

‘What’s that?’

‘Put a plateful out for yourself. There’ll be more than enough, and if there’s any left over, take it home to Charlie.’

‘I will, thank you.’

Mary gave her a hug. ‘Thank you, Elsie. I won’t forget this.’ Washing her hands and patting her hair, she asked the woman shyly, ‘Do I look respectable?’

‘You look lovely.’ Elsie had always thought Lucy’s daughter had something special. Though she wasn’t beautiful, she had a spark about her … soft, shining eyes of the loveliest shade, and a kind of warmth that endeared you to her. ‘Go on, miss … go and rescue your young man. I’ll have supper on the table in twenty minutes.’

Mary found Ben in the summerhouse. All the lights were on, and he was sitting in one of the easy chairs, deep in thought. ‘Hiding from my mother, are you?’ Her smile lit up the evening.

Having been miles away, reflecting on his disastrous marriage and the years he’d wasted, Ben was mortified. ‘What must you both think of me?’ he said. ‘I’m invited to supper and here I am, lounging in the summerhouse. I only meant to be a few minutes but lost track of time.’ On his feet now, he smiled down on her. ‘It’s your fault, you know.’

‘Oh, and why’s that?’ It was strange, Mary thought, how she felt as though she’d known him all her life.

He gestured towards the garden. ‘Your mother’s right. You’ve done wonders with the garden … it’s just beautiful. So many lovely hidden places.’ It wasn’t hard to imagine what a feast of life and colour it would be in the height of summer. ‘If you wanted to, you could lose yourself forever here.’

‘And do you want to lose yourself?’ Just now when she came upon him unexpectedly, she had seen the sadness in his eyes, and it touched her deeply.

It took a few seconds for him to answer. There was so much he could have told her, but that was all gone now, water under the bridge as they say. Besides, if he didn’t let go of the past, how could he ever have a future? Turning to her, he recalled, ‘It was you who said there are times when we all need to hide from the world.’

Her blue eyes shone with mischief. ‘And here was I, thinking you were hiding from Mother!’

He chuckled heartily. For a moment he studied her upturned face, the full plumpness of her lips, the small straight nose and smiling eyes, and he felt a rush of contentment. If he let himself go, he could love this woman, he thought. But if he let himself go, he could lose his heart and be hurt, again.

He looked towards the house. ‘Have you come to fetch me?’

She nodded her head. ‘Dinner will be ready soon.’

‘Do we still have a few minutes?’

She nodded her head again.

Taking her by the hand, he asked light-heartedly, ‘Would you care to join me?’ Leading her to the bench, he sat her down. ‘Welcome to Paradise.’

For a little while they sat and talked and laughed, and when she gave a long, trembling shiver, he dared to put his arm round her shoulders, and like Ben, she was afraid, of her feelings, and of the future.

Suddenly their private idyll was shattered, when a homely figure came rushing round the corner, calling out: ‘Supper’s ready. Your mammy says you’re to come in out of the cold.’ Elsie chuckled merrily. ‘I’m to tell you, she doesn’t mind you canoodling out here, but she doesn’t want you catching pneumonia, and if I can’t persuade you back into the house, she’ll be out here and she’ll chase you both inside with her walking stick. What’s more, I’ve made a big jug of creamy custard, and I’d like Mr Morris to enjoy my apple-pie while it’s hot. It’s a deep-dish pie, stuffed with best cooking apples and covered in pastry that’ll melt in your mouth. It’s only reheated, mind, but I made it fresh yesterday.’

Ben’s stomach rumbled. ‘Sounds wonderful.’

‘I’m not one for singing my own praises,’ Elsie declared self-righteously, ‘but I do make the best apple-pie in the whole of Bedfordshire, and woe betide them as says any different.’

The evening was a great success.

The pork chops were succulent, and the vegetables done to a turn, and just as she’d promised, Elsie’s apple-pie was the best Ben had ever tasted. Lucy had produced a bottle of wine and drank more than the others put together. She also did most of the talking. She told Ben about her hometown of Liverpool and got carried away with the memories – though there was one particular memory she did not divulge.

‘What did you love most about Liverpool?’ Ben asked, intrigued by her stories.

‘Oh, the docks, and the Mersey of course!’ Taking another sip of her red wine, Lucy savoured it for a moment, rolling it round her tongue and smacking her lips, like a dog after a bone.

Ben was ashamed to admit it, but he’d never seen the Mersey.

‘Maybe you’d think she was nothing out of the ordinary – just another river flowing away to the sea,’ Lucy speculated, ‘but to the ones who’ve lived and worked alongside her for most of their lives, she’s very special. She changes, y’see – from day to day she’s never the same. She has moods just like us … dark moods, quiet moods … and after a while you get to know her, and you can’t help but be affected, in a kind of magical way.’

She gave a long, nostalgic sigh. ‘If you’ve never seen the early morning Mersey when she’s covered in mist, or stood beside her when the moonlight dances on the water and brings it alive, then your life is sadly lacking.’

‘I can see I’ll have to take myself up there at the first opportunity,’ he said obediently.

‘Quite right!’ Lucy applauded. ‘Make sure you do!’

While Lucy and Ben chatted, Mary thought it amazing how well they got on together. But then, right from the start, she had felt comfortable with him. Maybe it was because he was older than her? Ben was so easy and natural, it would be hard not to feel at home in his company.

‘Do you mind if I ask you something?’ With her engaging manner and interesting tales, Lucy had commandeered him, though he hoped that he and Mary would make up for lost time together later.

‘Go ahead, young man. Ask away.’

‘Well, I was just thinking … if you were so happy in Liverpool, why would you ever want to leave?’

Suddenly the air was thick with silence, and Ben immediately wished he had never asked. But then his hostess answered and her manner was curiously sombre. ‘Life sometimes gives us problems that we aren’t equipped to deal with. So we run away … like the cowards we are.’

Ben was mortified. ‘Oh look, I’m sorry. I seem to have opened up old wounds.’ She had that same look about her that he had seen in the churchyard; a look of resignation, a sadness that was almost tangible.

Lucy, too, was mortified, for she had let them both see through her armour, and now she was afraid. ‘It’s all right,’ she assured him hurriedly. ‘I did love Liverpool. I still do, but I can’t go back.’ Her voice stiffened. ‘I could never go back.’

Mary had never heard her mother talk in that way, and it worried her. From a child, she had known there was something in her mother’s past that played strongly on her mind. Her own memories were unreliable; her early childhood often seemed tantalisingly out of reach. With Ben having opened a door to which she herself had never had access, secrets might come out and at last she would know what it was that haunted her mother so.

Turning to Ben she confessed, ‘You’re not the only one never to have seen the Mersey. I was born in Liverpool yet I can’t recall anything about it.’ She glanced at Lucy. ‘Time and again, I’ve offered to go back with Mother, but we never have, and now I’m beginning to think we never will.’

Lucy smiled. ‘Oh, you’ll see Liverpool,’ she promised. ‘Maybe not with me, but you’ll go down the Mersey and know the wonder that I knew as a young woman. Curiosity will get the better of you and one day, you will go back, I’m sure of it.’

Mary asked her outright. ‘And if I really wanted you to come with me, would you?’

Lucy shook her head. ‘No.’

‘Why not?’ In spite of her mother’s emphatic answer, Mary felt she might yet uncover the truth; until her hopes were dashed with Lucy’s firm reply.

‘Because I’m too old now. Travelling tires me, as you well know.’ She laughed as she told Ben, ‘We went to London on the train. Dear me! What a trial. All that climbing in and out, up and down. You wouldn’t believe the traffic in the streets there, and folks rushing about as though it was the end of the world … It was all too much for me.’ Sighing, she finished, ‘No, my travelling days are well and truly at an end.’

With dinner over, they retired to the cosy sitting room. Here, although the hour was growing late, they chatted on; among other things they talked of the introduction in America of the first colour television. ‘The mind boggles!’ Lucy declared. ‘Colour television, indeed! Whatever next?’ She herself thought the wireless was sufficient – why would you need one of those big, ugly television sets?

Mostly they talked about the grave illness of King George. ‘He has been a good King,’ Ben said. ‘He’ll be sadly missed.’

Mary had her say and it was this. ‘You’re right. He will be missed, but his daughter Elizabeth will make a wonderful Queen.’ And without hesitation, the other two readily agreed.

‘Right!’ After tapping on the door, Elsie showed her face. ‘I’ll be off now. I’ve washed the dinner things and cleared them away. I’ll see you in the morning.’

‘Thank you, Elsie.’ Lucy was fond of that dear woman. ‘Off you go and put your feet up.’

Elsie chuckled. ‘Hmh! Chance would be a fine thing.’

Mary excused herself and saw Elsie out. When she returned to the sitting room, she saw how tired her mother seemed. ‘I think it’s time you went to bed,’ she said affectionately.

‘Nonsense!’ Lucy was bone-tired, though she would never admit it. ‘I’m getting to know our new friend,’ she said. ‘The more I learn about him, the more I like him.’

Ben laughed. ‘I’m flattered,’ he told her, ‘but I have to agree with your daughter, and then there’s that business of you falling and hurting yourself in the churchyard. It’s been a long, heavy day and no one would blame you if you wanted to rest now.’

He had noticed how every now and then she would close her eyes and relax into the chair, and occasionally she would fitfully rub her hands together, as though fighting some inner demon.

‘I see!’ Looking from one to the other, Lucy smiled wickedly. ‘Trying to get rid of the old biddy so the two of you can be alone – is that it?’ Mary smiled, but in fact, she had been concerned about her mother these past months. She seemed to have grown frail, and less mobile, though she would not hear of seeing a specialist.

Changing the subject completely, Lucy told Mary, ‘I think I’m ready for a nice cup of tea. What about you, Ben?’

‘Sounds good to me, thank you,’ he said, swallowing a yawn. It was high time he was in bed, too. The animals would be waiting to be fed at dawn.

‘Go on, then! Get the kettle on, Mary, before we all die of thirst, and don’t bring the teapot, there’s a good girl … too much fuss and ceremony. Just pour three cups, that’ll do.’

Frustrated at her mother’s insistence on referring to her as ‘child’ or ‘girl’, Mary groaned. ‘All right, Mother, I’m on my way.’ Turning to Ben she confirmed, ‘One sugar and a little milk, isn’t it?’ She had remembered when Elsie brought him tea earlier.

‘That’s it, yes. Thank you.’ He was surprised and pleased that she’d remembered.

‘There you are!’ Lucy chipped in. ‘Already she knows how you like your tea. That’s the sign of a good wife, wouldn’t you say, Ben?’

‘I’d say your daughter has a good memory,’ he answered, and that was as far as he would go.

No sooner had Mary departed for the kitchen than Lucy was quizzing him again. ‘You do like her, don’t you?’

He had got used to her directness and thought it refreshing, but now and then she would ask a question that took him off guard. ‘I do like her, yes.’ What else could he say, when he had been drawn to Mary as to no other woman since his divorce.

Lucy seemed to be reading his thoughts. ‘I know I can be impertinent, and I know what you must think of me, but I do worry for my daughter, and when I see how well the two of you get on, I can’t help but wonder if she’s found her man at last …’ Her voice trailed away and her eyes slowly closed.

For a moment Ben thought she had fallen asleep, but then she suddenly straightened herself up in the chair and asked him another question. ‘Do you think you’ll ever get back with your ex-wife?’

Ben shook his head. ‘It was a long and messy business, and now it’s over, and so is our relationship.’

‘And the girl?’

‘You mean Abbie, my daughter?’

‘Yes. How does she feel about you and her mother splitting up?’

To Ben, the question was like a stab below the belt, but he answered it all the same. ‘It was hard for her – hard for all of us. In the end it was all for the best.’

‘And is she an only child?’

‘She is, yes.’

‘Would you like more children?’

Ben smiled, a long, lazy smile. ‘You mean, if I ever got married again?’

Lucy nodded. ‘Of course! When you and Mary get married, I want a whole horde of grandchildren.’ She grew wistful. ‘A boy, especially. It would be wonderful to cuddle a little boy.’

At that moment, Mary returned with the tray. ‘Here we are!’ Setting it on the coffee-table, she handed each of them a mug and pointed to the plate of chocolate slices. ‘Help yourselves,’ she told them.

Over the next half-hour, the conversation centred on Ben and his farming.

‘So you’ve found a new way of life, is that it?’ Lucy was ever inquisitive.

‘It’s certainly a very different world from the one I knew,’ Ben answered. ‘As you said yourself, London is busy and demanding. I used to get up at seven, struggle into the office …’ He had expected her to interrupt, and she did.

‘What work did you do?’

‘I’m an architect by trade.’

Lucy was impressed. ‘And were you good at it?’

‘Yes – or so I’m told.’

‘And was it your own business?’

‘It was, but I eventually went back to work for the local council in my home town.’

‘Mmm.’ She glanced at Mary, who was trying desperately to bring that particular conversation to a halt. ‘So you’re not short of a bob or two then?’

‘Mother, please! No more questions, or I’m sure Ben will never want to set foot in this house ever again.’

Lucy addressed Ben. ‘Have you had enough of my questions?’

He gave her a half-smile. ‘Look, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll tell you all I think you should know, and then there’ll be no more need of questions.’

Lucy agreed. ‘So, you were saying … you got up at seven and struggled into work.’

‘That’s right. Then I worked until eight or nine at night and struggled home again.’

‘Hmh! It’s no wonder your marriage broke up.’

‘MOTHER!’ Mary gave her a warning glance.

Lucy closed her mouth and listened.

Curiously relieved that he was finding it easier to talk about his troubles, Ben went on, ‘One night I got home and found my wife in bed with my ex-partner, Peter. Apparently they’d been having an affair for almost a year.’ He gave a sad little smile. ‘So, you could be right. Working all those hours probably was the reason for my marriage break-up.’

Lucy couldn’t help but make a comment. ‘I hope you leathered him good and proper?’

‘Oh, I was tempted, but it would have solved nothing. My wife wanted out, and I said yes.’ Dropping his gaze to the floor he said in a small voice, ‘I think the love had long gone, on both sides. By the way, you were right, Lucy. I am worth a bob or two. But that means little when your whole life has been turned upside down. I didn’t want to stay in London, so I packed a few things and set off. I looked far and wide before I found this lovely part of the world, and now I’m settled and content.’

He laughed. ‘I’m a farmer and proud of it. These days I’m up in the fields checking my sheep at five in the morning, and often fall into bed just before midnight, but I’ve never been happier in my whole life.’

He paused to reflect before ending light-heartedly, ‘So there you are!’ He smiled. ‘I hope that’s told you enough to be going on with?’

His hostess gave a long, contented sigh. ‘Even I am satisfied with that,’ she said. ‘Thank you, lad. It’s been a lovely day today, all due to our having met you. And now, I really must go up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire!’

Chapter 5

IT WAS STRIKING eleven when Lucy announced she was ready for her bed. As she got out of her chair, Mary handed her the walking stick and Ben hurried to open the drawing-room door for her. ‘I’ll take you up, Mother,’ Mary offered.

‘No, you won’t!’ Waving her stick at Mary, she ordered, ‘You stay here with Ben. I’m perfectly capable of taking myself up the stairs to bed without your help.’

Knowing how stubborn her mother could be, Mary did not argue, but walked on with her to the bottom of the stairs. ‘Leave me be, lass!’ Lucy was growing agitated. ‘Don’t make me out to be a useless old biddy who can’t even climb a few stairs.’

In fact, if truth be told, Lucy was beginning to feel the worse for wear. The wine, and the long evening, and her fall in the churchyard, had all caught up with her. Halfway up the stairs, she suddenly took a dizzy spell; aware that the two of them were watching from the foot of the stairs, she clung onto the banister and braved it out. ‘Go on, be off with you!’ she complained impatiently. ‘You’re making me nervous.’

Regaining her composure, she set off again, but when the dizziness returned with a vengeance, it seemed as though the treads were moving beneath her feet and the whole flight of stairs was spinning round. As she felt herself falling, she could only think of Barney … and them.

Mary’s voice lifted her senses. ‘It’s all right, Mother, I’m here.’ She had run up the stairs to catch Lucy’s crumpling figure. For a moment, she staggered; her mother a dead weight in her arms.

Mary was glad to let Ben take over. Sweeping Lucy into his arms, he followed Mary’s directions and took Lucy straight into her bedroom, where he laid her on the bed.

‘Please, Ben, run and tell Adam what’s happened, will you? He lives in the cottage at the side of the house – you can’t miss it.’ Mary wondered how she could sound so calm, when her insides were in turmoil.

By this time Lucy was shifting in and out of consciousness.

‘Tell him what’s happened,’ the girl said. ‘He’ll know what to do.’ Lately, she and Adam had been so worried about Lucy that they were ready for any event.

Startling them both, Lucy took hold of Mary’s cuff. ‘No ambulance … no doctor,’ she pleaded. ‘Promise me!’ And she was so agitated, Mary could do no other than promise.

In a quiet voice so her mother would not hear, Mary spoke to Ben. ‘Tell Adam … no ambulance, but he’s to fetch Dr Nolan as quick as he can.’

Ben was already across the room. ‘Don’t worry.’ Though from the pallor of Lucy’s skin and the laboured breathing, he knew Mary had cause to be anxious.

Although it was midnight now, and the whole village was asleep, Adam was still up and dressed. On hearing the news, the little man was beside himself with worry. ‘I knew something like this would happen,’ he said as he bolted out of the door. ‘I could see it coming, but like the stubborn devil she is, she would never admit she was ill.’

Climbing into the big black car, he asked of Ben, ‘Go back to Mary. Tell her I’ll be as quick as I can.’

He was as good as his word. No sooner had Ben returned to the house where Mary had got Lucy into bed and was now bathing her face with cool water than Adam came rushing in with the doctor in tow.

Somewhat revived, Lucy was determined to fight him off. ‘I told you, I don’t need a doctor. GET AWAY FROM ME!’

Dr Nolan was equally adamant. ‘You won’t get rid of me so easily this time, Lucy.’ Having suffered her temper once or twice before, he had finally learned how to handle her.

Turning to Adam and Mary, he told them, ‘She might co-operate more readily if you were to wait downstairs.’

Reluctantly they did as he asked, and as they went they could hear Lucy ordering him out of the house. ‘Just leave me be! I’m not ill!’

The pair lingered on the stairs. ‘Sounds like she’s getting her second wind,’ Adam joked, then glanced at Mary, his eyes swimming with tears. ‘Do you think she’ll be all right?’ he asked the dear girl beside him, his voice choked.