Say it with Sequins

At this, the audience actually hissed him. It was almost like a pantomime, thought Julia hazily, as Jan’s arm tightened its hold.

Sonya, the sole female judge and the most venomous, piped up through the audience’s booing. “I agree Kevin, it’s week three now and we should be seeing some improvement but each week you’ve come out, Julia, and trotted out the same old stuff. And it’s getting boring. You must listen to Jan; sort out your upper body and neckline and work, work, work on your feet.”

Julia was tired, she and Jan had put in over seven hours training each day that week and she was exhausted. She felt her throat thicken and tears caught at her. This was ridiculous she thought and tried to hide her reaction but it was too late; her shoulders began to shake and tears ran down her cheeks making a trail through the thick stage make up. The audience, scenting blood, quietened. Charlie the compere made an aaahing sound and said something like, “There there,” and then Jan dragged her off the dance floor. When they got to the back room he refused to wait for their scores and left Julia standing in front of Carol alone. Suni thrust a tissue into Julia’s hand.

Carol wasn’t quite sure what to say and stuttered a little until she got a prompt through her ear piece. “And now, after those shocking words from the judges, how do you feel?”

The fatuous question had what was left of Julia’s rational brain dissolving and she broke down completely. Someone tallish and solid took her in his arms and led her away from the cameras. She vaguely heard Carol flapping in the distance as she tried to fill the air time.

Strong arms held her and a soft voice whispered: “Don’t take on so, cariad bach, it’s not worth it.” As her sobs really began to take hold Harri took her through the doors, well away from any prying cameras which may have followed them and into the chilly corridor. He was now swearing quietly in Welsh – or at least that’s what Julia assumed he was doing, there was real vitriol in the tone of his voice which suggested anger.

He took her outside, to the courtyard in the middle of the television studios. There was a low wall which bordered a small garden and Harri led Julia to it. He sat with his arms tight around her until her sobs lessened and she was calmer.

Julia blew her nose into the tissue Suni had given her. “Sorry.”

“Uffern dan! What the hell for?” his accent sounded stronger and his voice was still full of anger.

“I’m such an idiot to break down like that. God, I must look like a mess.”

“You’re fine and it wasn’t idiotic. They really slammed into you back there. I could’ve punched Kevin.” Harri’s hand fisted.

Julia laughed, a little tremulously, but it was a laugh at least. “Thanks for coming to my aid. I really don’t think I could’ve coped with Carol or Jan …” she trailed off; the thought of having to face Jan was horrible. “God, I’ve really messed it up haven’t I?”

“What, by crying?”

“No, by showing I couldn’t cope with the stress.” Julia added mournfully, “I can’t see Cabaret coming my way now.”

“Don’t be so sure, cariad; in the face of what Jan’s made you do, they may see it as gritty determination. And as for the crying bit I think you’ll get the sympathy vote.”

“I don’t want the sympathy vote!”

“Do you want to stay in the competition?”

Julia thought about it. In some strange and possibly masochistic way, she did want to stay in the competition - if only to torture Jan. But she’d really like to prove to herself and the viewers that she could improve; that she could put two feet in front of one another without falling over. “Yes,” she said, in a determined voice. “Yes, I do want to stay in.”

“Well, there you go then. I think the viewers are seeing straight through Mr Moscow and can see how evil he’s being and are voting for you.”

“It’s twisted!”

Harri laughed. “It’s showbiz! Ready to go back?” He looked at her, concern in his dark eyes.

Julia took a deep breath and gave him a wobbly smile. She nodded. “Ready as I’ll ever be. Bring it on!”

“That’s my girl.” He stood up and held out a hand. As he did so, a solitary snowflake fell from the cold dark sky.

“It’s snowing. Oh, it makes me feel so Christmassy!!” Julia exclaimed, with all the wonder of a small child. “It’s not often you get to see snow in the middle of London.”

Harri looked up and followed the passage of another snowflake, making its way to the concrete. “It is indeed.” He grinned. “It’s a good omen for you!”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

Julia put out her tongue. She closed her eyes and reached her face up into the night.

Harri gazed at her and at the vision of her pink tongue held out in the hope of catching a snowflake. He moved towards her, without thinking and then stopped. He longed to capture that tongue with his own, to twist it with his and make it hot. For the first time in his life, he wished he were an ordinary bloke with an ordinary job and one who could simply make the next move. And not somebody with this ridiculous clause hanging over him.

Julia opened her eyes and caught him staring.

“Oh Harri. This is amazing. You’re amazing!” She flung her arms round him, her mood obviously restored.

For a long second, he returned the embrace and then disentangled himself. “Oh, I’m bloody amazing, cariad. Now, go back in, it’s freezing out here.”

Julia blew him a kiss and ran back into the television studios.

As he watched her go, he knew he couldn’t risk making a move. Not yet. He had to be one hundred percent sure. Julia didn’t seem the kiss and tell type but he couldn’t risk his entire career for what might turn out to be a one-night stand. He just couldn’t, no matter how big the temptation. And, oh boy, was he tempted. With a heavy heart, he followed her in.

Step Six.

And now it was, unbelievably, week four. And, she was still in, by the skin of her teeth. For some reason the public kept voting for her, even though the judges held nothing back and criticised her dancing remorselessly.

As Julia stood with Jan waiting to go on and do their Quickstep, her hardest dance so far, she thought it was inevitable that she would go out this week. She’d struggled all week to master the intricate and light steps and, despite putting in over seven hours training each day, was no more confident now than she’d been on Sunday when she’d begun learning.

Lavinia and Sam the comedian had followed Ted out of the competition and, while she couldn’t pretend to feel sorry for the foul-mouthed Liverpudlian, she missed Lavinia’s cheerfully diva-ish presence. The actress had become a good friend and since leaving had attended every Saturday night performance and had even dropped in on one or two of Julia’s training sessions. Warren, somewhat bitterly, had been overheard to say she’d been in the rehearsal rooms far more since she left the show than when she was in training for it.

Julia took a deep breath and tried, unsuccessfully, to calm her nerves. Her only consolation was that the quickstep wasn’t Jan’s favourite dance either. He preferred the moodier, more sensual dances. Well he would, thought Julia.

Since surviving for the first weeks, the competition had really gripped her. She’d made great friends - with Lavinia of course but had also grown very close to Erica, one of the professional dancers who, since her partner Sam had gone out, had been doing some extra coaching with Julia and Suni.

And there was Harri of course.

Despite herself, Julia let her mind drift. They’d been out a few times, when they could find the time, mostly for a quick bite after training and once to a bar where they’d got shockingly drunk on Bellinis and had piled, insensible, into a cab to north London. He was as cheerfully friendly and encouraging as he’d always been but that had been as far as it went.

One memorable evening, Harri had waved some tickets at them all. It was an invite to a club night at a famous ice-skating rink nearby. It was his producer’s birthday party, he’d explained. Did anyone want to come along? The others cried off but Julia and Daniel found themselves clambering into a taxi and speeding towards Snetterton House after rehearsals one night.

Julia couldn’t contain her excitement. She’d longed to go skating at Snetterton ever since hearing about it but had never been able to justify the exorbitantly high price. In summer, the square in front of the Queen Anne building, housed a series of fountains but, in winter, a temporary ice-rink was set up. It was the latest must-go venue in the city. And its club nights were legendary.

She jiggled about on the edge of the pull down seat and gazed out of the cab window, willing the traffic to part before them.

“What?” she said to Daniel and Harri, who were sitting opposite and openly laughing at her.

“You’re like a big kid,” Harri said, but with affection.

Turning to him, her eyes shining, she replied, “Well, I’ve never done anything like this before and I’ve heard really good things about the club nights. The music’s supposed to be fab.” She pouted a little. “I suppose you’ve done it all before.”

“Skating, yes. Not at Snetterton House though.”

“So where did you skate, then?” Daniel asked.

“In Alaska. I did it as part of filming something for Red Pepper.”

“Alaska? Wow!” Julia was impressed.

So was Daniel. “God, you’ve done some things as part of that job, haven’t you? You’re really lucky to have it.”

Harri gave him an odd look. “I am lucky. Very. I work hard, mind.”

The taxi driver put on his brakes suddenly. As the cab came to a violent halt, Julia slid neatly off her seat and landed on Harri’s lap. She flung her arms around him. Any excuse to touch him, she thought.

“Oops, sorry,” she giggled, embarrassed that Harri had had to take her full weight.

He hung onto her tightly for a second. “You alright?” he asked urgently. “Not hurt?”

Julia was content to stay where she was. “I’m fine.” For a moment, she nestled in and allowed herself to enjoy his nearness. The scratch of the rough wool of his sweater stretched over his hard muscle and the smell of soap, and his leather coat – his very Harri-scent - was intoxicating. Then she began to disentangle herself, confused, as ever, by his proximity.

“Should have worn your seat-belt, babe,” Daniel said. He bunched up nearer to the window. “Here, sit in the middle of us. It’ll be a bit of a squash but you’ll be wedged so tightly, you’ll have less of a chance to slip anywhere.”

As Julia moved reluctantly into the space he’d created, he looked out at the busy London night. “Traffic’s come to a complete stop out there, wonder why?”

A blur of two-tone and blue lights, as an ambulance squeezed past the stationary cars, answered his question.

“Hope no one’s hurt,” he added.

The cabbie turned round and slid open the privacy window. “Sorry about that,” he said, “Everyone okay back there? Bit of a hold up, accident I expect. I’ll turn round when I can and try the other way.”

Everyone assured him they were fine and, after a few minutes of silence, with the taxi still not moving, Daniel resumed the conversation.

“Yeah, I bet it is hard work,” he said to Harri. “Still, a fantastic job. Something you’d want to hang onto for a few years, I imagine. Jobs as good as that don’t come up very often in television. You wouldn’t want to lose it, I imagine.”

Julia sensed Harri shift away from her and was sorry. She’d been enjoying the warmth of the hard bulk of his thigh against hers.

“No,” she heard him say in a distant voice. “I need to hang onto the day job for a while.” Then he changed the subject as the taxi began to inch forward. “Oh good,” he said with obvious relief, “We’re finally moving.”

When they got to their destination, they pushed through the crowds to the entrance, flaunting their ‘Invite Only’ tickets. As soon as they got through security, Daniel saw someone he knew and drifted off towards the bar.

Julia stood, for a moment, taking in the atmosphere. It was beautiful and, to her mind, completely lived up to its hype. A white marquee lined three sides of the rink and, at its head, with the magnificently lit Snetterton House as a backdrop, was the most enormous Christmas tree she had ever seen. This year, it was decorated with a mass of tiny white lights and had a huge silver star at its top. It was stunning and, what’s more, she could smell the pine from here. Mingling with the aroma of mulled wine, wafting over from the bar, it spelled Christmas to her, with a capital C. Even the hard-core club anthems pounding out into the night added to the vibe.

“It’s wonderful!” she yelled to Harri, over the music, and smiled up at him.

Before he could answer, though, three or four very drunk people staggered over to them.

“Hi Trevor,” Harri said, as a tall man grabbed him in a bear hug. “Happy birthday. Sorry we’re a bit late. Traffic.”

This must be Red Pepper’s producer. Julia laughed and stood to one side as Harri disappeared into the group, who greeted him with much backslapping and raucous humour.

By the look of them all, they’d been drinking for quite some time. Harri managed eye contact with Julia and, quirking his brows, extricated himself, making the excuse that they wanted to skate while the rink wasn’t too crowded. He propelled her to one of the marquees, where they had to collect their skates.

Julia sat, trying to pull on her skating boots. “Are you sure these are the right size for me?” she complained.

“Come here.” Harri tutted in mock exasperation. He kneeled before her and helped. “How much trouble are you?” He smoothed the thin leather boot onto her ankle, his cold fingers making contact with her bare leg making her yelp.

She leaned forward so that they were nose to cold nose. “I can be as much trouble as you want,” she breathed huskily and then backtracked as she clocked his panicked expression. “On the rink, of course.”

“Of course,” Harri said, in relief. “You’ve never skated before, have you?”

“Nope.” As Julia tried to stand, she fell onto him. “Whoops. Seem to be making a habit of this tonight. I’m glad I didn’t have a drink first.” She clutched onto his sweater, enjoying the feel of his erect nipples through the wool. “You’ll have to hold me up, Harri.”

“Looks that way, bach,” Harri responded somewhat tersely. “Come on, let’s get started.”

As it happened, Harri had to hold onto Julia through most of their skating time. She proved to be as much a natural on the ice as she was in the dance studio.

“I just don’t seem to have any balance for this sort of thing,” she gasped and clung onto his arm on one side and the rail on the other. Past flirting now, Julia simply wanted to stay upright.

Harri was in mid-chuckle when the music abruptly stopped, to be replaced by the strains of ‘Happy Birthday’.

Relishing a reprieve, Julia leaned on the rail, while everyone sang to Trevor who, judging from the racket coming from one of the marquees, was still ensconced in the bar.

When it was over, Harri looked her in the eye. “I think you’re ready to try the middle of the rink out now.”

“No way!”

“Way,” he laughed. “Come on, you can still hang onto me. You can’t stay by the rails all night.”

“I rather think I can.”

“Chicken.”

Julia brought herself up to her full height. “No one calls me ‘chicken’ and gets away with it!” She glared at him and then slipped a little. “You will hold me up though, Harri, won’t you? Don’t let me go, will you?”

Harri laughed and put his arm round her waist. “Put your arm round my neck and you’ll be fine. Oh, the music’s changed again.”

And so it had. The lighting changed too. To accompany the moody notes of Elvis’ Blue Christmas the ice rink transformed from white to a greeny-blue. Dry ice shifted across its surface.

Harri and Julia made their unsteady way across the ice. It was as if they were moving underwater; it felt dreamy and romantic. Their limbs slowed to match the seductive rhythm of the old song.

Julia was only too aware of the man next to her. Although she knew she’d fall if he let go of her, she was certain he wouldn’t. She felt safe.

She also felt as horny as hell.

She stopped and slid round to face him. With her sudden movement, he staggered a little. It brought his face next to hers, within kissing distance. She felt his breath, hot on her cold face.

He put both arms around her, to hold her steady. Feeling brave, in return, Julia slipped her arms round his waist, bringing him tight into her. She gazed up at him, willing him to kiss her. Where their bodies met, a heat burned, even through their thick winter clothes.

“Far enough, I think,” whispered Harri but Julia knew he wasn’t only referring to the distance they’d come on the ice.

“Better go back now, bach. Join the others.”

Julia was shocked at how disappointed she felt. Not to mention the blow to her ego. “Okay,” she said slowly. “If we must.”

They’d joined Trevor and his gang in the bar, where she and Harri had spent the rest of the evening determinedly catching up on the alcohol intake.

Did Harri really like her, Julia wondered, as the Quickstep being announced brought her back to the present. She sensed a reserve in him, something holding him back. On occasion, she was sure he reciprocated her feelings. She vibrated with desire every time he came near her and his continued neutrality made her dry-mouthed with frustration. Maybe, it was that he simply didn’t like her that way? The group were all very hands on; forever hugging and kissing one another. Callum, still in the competition and giving Harri a run for his money as the favourite, made the most of every opportunity to squeeze and stroke in nauseating fashion. Julia gave a shudder as she remembered how he’d pinched her bottom that very morning. If anything, Harri was more restrained than everyone else was and it was still causing problems in the infernal rumba that they were planning for the Christmas special.

“You. Alright?” Jan asked in his customary aggressive manner.

Julia sucked in a deep breath. If she were to stay in the competition and maybe, just maybe, find out what Harri’s true feelings were, she needed to concentrate. Being able to see Harri most days in the training gym was a powerful incentive. She looked up at Jan. “Fine. I’m fine. Let’s just get on with it.”

Julia found herself backstage in what seemed like a matter of minutes, unable to believe what had happened. She had missed the dance off yet again and the judges had been forced to choose between Casey and Suni. Julia held her breath, hardly noticing that Harri had grabbed her hand and was holding on tight. A shout of relief echoed round when the judges voted for Suni. The whole gang, even po-faced Jan, leapt to their feet and cheered. Casey hadn’t been popular and everyone recognised Suni’s talent.

“Thank God for that. Come here, lovely girl and give me a cwtch!” Julia found herself wrapped up in Harri’s powerful arms in a rugby scrum of a hug – the ‘cwtch,’ she assumed.

“Ooh,” she managed as the air was squeezed out of her.

Harri dropped her immediately. “Sorry, got a bit carried away.” His face was flushed Julia noticed and he seemed embarrassed.

As one, the remaining contestants milled onto the studio floor and gathered round Suni, Casey and even Charlie and Carol.

Julia found herself hugging Daniel Cunningham, Casey’s professional partner. He was a lovely man she thought, tall and lean with floppy blond hair. “I’m so sorry,” she yelled at him over the hubbub.

He hugged her back. “We’d gone about as far as we could,” he said into her ear, his breath hot on her cheek. “Casey’s got a modelling contract in the States coming up. She wanted out anyway.”

Julia drew back aghast. “You mean it was fixed? The result was fixed?”

Daniel tapped his nose and grinned. “Can’t say, but she didn’t exactly have much time for training this week. Too busy on the phone – and it showed.”

“But that’s so unfair on you!” Julia said in a shocked voice. She knew how much the competition meant to the professional dancers, it was the source of Jan’s eternal frustration with her.

“It’s the way it goes,” Daniel shrugged with a sanguine smile and Julia couldn’t help but compare his reaction to that of Jan’s in the same situation. Her admiration for this calm man increased.

He twisted his arms round her and held onto her more firmly. “I’ll come and give you and Jan a hand if you like,” he said smiling down at her, his green eyes glowing. “Apart from one or two show dances, I’ll have plenty of free time. Maybe I can help you and Harri with your rumba, too?”

Julia thought of his presence in the training room, calming Jan and encouraging her. “Oh, yes please!” she said with more warmth than she meant to. “That’s just want I need!”

Harri watched them over Casey’s shoulder, as the girl hung limpet-like onto him. He scowled. So, that was the way it was. A shaft of jealousy speared his middle causing actual physical pain.

“Larry! We practise tomorrow. Nine on the spot!” Eva’s voice irritated his ear.

“It’s Harri,” he muttered yet again, “and it’s on the dot, not on the spot.” He shrugged Casey off and went to congratulate Suni, keeping one eye on Julia and Daniel, still standing with their arms entwined.

Fuck these impossible restrictions imposed on his career. He’d have to make a move soon, or lose Julia. He’d just have to chance it. He just hoped it wasn’t too late.

Step Seven.

The rehearsal wasn’t going well.

Daniel had kept his promise and had come in to help practise the rumba with Julia and Harri. Jan and Eva were in the studio next door and, at first, Julia thought this would mean a more relaxed session – she was even looking forward to it. But she was wrong. Harri was tense and wasn’t taking kindly to Daniel’s suggestions. He seemed more reluctant to let go than ever and it was making the dance seem stiff. Even Julia could see it.

“Let me show you,” Daniel said finally, after the third run through. He took Julia into the beginning hold and backed her gently down until she was almost touching the floor with her head.

“See, you have to make love to her, caress her.” At this, Daniel held her with one arm and rubbed his hand electrifyingly down over Julia’s breastbone.

Julia let out a startled yelp – Daniel’s hand was hot and perilously near her breasts.

He lifted her up slightly and pulled her to him until they were nose to nose. His green eyes were mesmerising. “You never break contact, do you see Harri? You’re always connected physically or, most importantly, emotionally. You’ve got to make the audience believe you’re in love with this woman. And don’t rush through it, take your time, linger over her.”

Daniel pulled a disorientated Julia back to her feet and left her side. “You have a go.” He placed Harri and Julia close together, far closer than they’d ever been.

Julia stared into Harri’s dark eyes and willed her sympathy over to him; he must be finding this excruciatingly embarrassing. She was so close to him that she could feel his breath hot on her face; it smelled of toothpaste. She felt his strong arm come round her back and it seemed to burn right through her ballet top.

“Right, good, that’s better.” Daniel’s calm and encouraging voice broke into the moment. “Now, back her down. Julia, you have to trust him like you trusted me, he’s just as strong, he’s not going to drop you. Release her hand now Harri and take yours down her body, that’s it.”

Julia could feel the muscles in Harri’s arm tense against her back.

“Look at him Julia, don’t let him break that contact.”

Julia did as she was told and was held in a spell cast by the warmth in Harri’s brown eyes, he’d never ever looked at her in quite that way before.

“Now take your hand Harri and stroke it slowly down her. No use your whole hand, flatten the palm out.”