Soul Betrayed
Cooper came up beside me. “But it will be fine.”
I curled my hands into fists. “How will it be fine? Did anyone think this plan over? What if I am with the Shadowed when my transformation happens? The only indicator is a birthday and now you are saying that is irrelevant?”
Sophia touched my arm tentatively. “Once you are able to access your memories, you might be more in tune with your talent than you think. It is, after all, your body.”
“One that I haven’t been inside for a hundred years!” I moved away from the group, unable to concentrate. “And speaking of my memories, I still don’t understand why I need my body when Cooper and Dylan and the rest of the souls still carry their memories in soul form?”
Sophia glanced at Cooper then back to me. “Since you were influenced, Felix wasn’t sure if keeping your memories was a great idea.”
“Keeping me in the dark was a better option?” I could feel the anger rolling inside of me and tried to swallow it back down.
“Yes,” Cooper confirmed. “He suspected you were a Rodas, you could have done a lot of damage.”
“Felix created the barrier for your memories. He was just trying to protect everyone. You included,” Sophia pointed out, sounding perfectly reasonable.
A pressure built in my chest. Did they think I would hurt the After souls?
Just like you wouldn’t hurt your family? I shoved down my conscience.
“I’m not saying you would have—” Cooper backpedaled.
“No,” I said slowly, understanding Felix’s motivation. “Felix did what he had to.” I took a deep breath and returned to Sophia’s side, turning to Cooper and the other Guard. “Now I am going to do what I have to.”
Sophia grinned and for a flash of a second I saw Leha. With her memory by my side, I wouldn’t fail to destroy the Shadowed. They had taken innocent souls and I would do everything I could to prevent that from happening again.
The five male Prognatum swept into the room, the vapor spreading over their feet. I tucked my arms close to my body, letting them pass. Thomas waggled his eyebrows at me as he went by, as if we shared an inside joke. It was nice to know that other members of my family supported me more than my father did. Wherever he was.
Together the Prognatum pressed their hands onto the clear, hard surface of the freezer and, after a few moments, a hiss like the sound of an opened can of soda burst from the container and the lid started to rise. I expected my body to come tumbling out but it remained in place. I stepped forward, bracing myself for the unknown.
Cooper nudged my arm. “You’re going to do great. I’ll be with you the whole time.”
I looked up at him. Even though I’d trained with Jackson for the last two months, Cooper had never been far from my mind. He’d been there for me all through Ally’s disappearance and, even though we’d had many differences of opinion, I knew without a shred of doubt he had my back. “But what about Ally?” I couldn’t help worrying about her.
He shrugged. “Calliope took over her training. I’m all yours.”
My eyebrows shot up.
Cooper shook his head. “For the mission. I’m your Guard for this mission.” He avoided my eyes.
I nudged him back. “Thank you.”
“You’ll do great.”
“You already said that.”
He laughed. “I know. But it’s true.”
I was grateful for his reassurance but I had no doubt in my mind. I had to succeed. For Leha. Moving in front of my body, I inspected the details of her face, details that I knew intimately, but there were subtle differences from my soul form. She appeared much younger than I felt. I wondered if that would have an effect on my transformation, when it was time?
Dylan bounded across the room, his soul bumping into mine and instinctively I reached for the True Soul as his hands tightened around it. I grinned. “Sorry. Old habits and all that.” Dropping to my knees, allowing him full access to the back of my neck, I got into position. Normally, a Collector used the True Soul to take the soul from the body and bring it to the After, but this time we were going the other way around. It was a first for me, but I knew Dylan could do it. He’d been trained by the best.
“Remember what I taught you?” I said, my voice a little shaky.
Dylan nodded. “Of course.”
He grasped my shoulder for leverage. I closed my eyes and waited until the silky essence came in contact with my soul. When it did, I gasped as a sudden sense of wholeness filled me to the brim.
“Are you okay?” Dylan asked.
“Yes.” I stood up slowly, keeping Dylan in contact with me. There wasn’t much of a height difference but I didn’t want to lose the connection, and we moved as one unit closer to the container. The light surrounding my body flickered as the edge of my vision started to shimmer. “Something’s happening.” My words sounded far away, echoing in my head. The shimmering intensified, making me dizzy. I grabbed onto the container the room starting to spin.
Dylan’s fingers twitched. “It’s working!”
Cooper came toward me but Sophia barked at him. I found her eyes, her expression slightly alarmed. That wasn’t helping much.
Instead, I searched for Cooper’s gray steady gaze. He nodded, his expression tight, and we didn’t break eye contact until the room disappeared in a burst of colors.
CHAPTER TWO
A terrified howl startled me, waking me from my delirium. An overwhelming scent of blood filled the air. I inhaled deep breaths through my mouth, my chest tight, and blinked a few times. I was drenched in sweat. Waves of excruciating pain suddenly coursed through me and nearly split me in half. I reached down to touch my swollen stomach. I was on the floor in Gemma’s room. The heat from the gun still radiated on the skin of my palm.
“Stay back!” Father growled.
I leaned my head back to see Jackson standing by the door with his fists at his sides. If he were alive I’d be able to see his knuckles turn white. Father was holding me in his lap, his gaze hard, staring at the bed where my husband and sister’s bodies lay.
“Father?” I breathed. My mind was fuzzy. Had I passed out? I blinked several times as if the dream I’d experienced was just out of my grasp. A blond boy found his way into my mind but he disappeared. A name hovered on the tip of my tongue but I couldn’t grasp it.
My father’s steely blue eyes dropped to mine. “You ruined everything.”
The pressure in my chest uncoiled, but I avoided looking at the bed. “It had to be done.” Angry tears streaked down my cheeks. I had been embarrassed to learn of my sister and husband’s tryst. Then Jackson had left me. I had lost control of my life. With Gemma and Tristan gone, I had control again and Jackson had returned to me. We could start over.
I moaned again as another wave of pain struck my stomach. “It’s coming,” I said, my heart pounding in my chest.
“What are you—” Jackson shouted.
“She made her choice. This is something I have to do,” Father interrupted, almost as if he were convincing himself of whatever he was about to do.
“Nicholas!” Jackson hissed.
I tried to turn around to face Jackson, but Father adjusted my head in his hands.
I rubbed my belly, desperate to take the pain away.
“Jackson,” I breathed. Even though he’d left me all was forgotten when he returned. The anger I’d felt for him had disappeared and now I needed him more than ever. My Guard would soon watch my child and we could finally be together after my transformation – a family.
“You take one step and I will kill you again,” Daddy warned.
Jackson said nothing.
He would understand once the baby was born.
Mother shuffled into the room, the midwife tucked against her. The woman dropped to her knees, lifted my shift and her cold hands invaded my body.
I jerked away.
“Breathe, child,” she soothed.
I focused my thoughts just like she’d taught me and took a deep breath in, ignoring the coppery taste in my mouth. I glanced at the nearby gun, the one I had used to kill Tristan and Gemma. Their still forms were stamped into my memory even though I couldn’t see them from the floor. An unexpected rush of guilt flowed through me. But they had been wrong to have an affair. I couldn’t let them embarrass me and our family. They deserved everything that happened to them.
Something moved next to the bed. I squinted in the dim light and could make out the thin shape of a person. His—or maybe it was a her— body flickered just like the candles nearby.
“No!” Jackson cried.
I hadn’t been going crazy. He saw the form too.
“Who is that?” I asked.
“Jackson, get out of here!” Father ordered.
I blinked and the form was gone. My entire body was in pain and I closed my eyes, willing it to stop.
“It’s coming,” the midwife cried.
Cramps twisted my insides. Instead of focusing on the pain, I redirected my thoughts to the baby. We would start a new life together, one without secrets and lies. I breathed through the agony and mapped out our future. And as suddenly as the pain came, it disappeared to be replaced by numbness.
Everyone in the room held their breath. The midwife was frantically working near my feet. Something wet touched my toes just as the silence was broken by a shrill cry. It was the most precious sound in the world. I tried to sit up to see my baby, but Father held me down by my shoulders.
“Wha—” I began to protest when a pressure on my mouth cut off my words. I inhaled. A soft cloth touched my lips. I looked up at Father.
He wasn’t looking at me, instead his eyes stared at the bed. Even in the candlelight I saw his eyes glistening and I caught sight of the stranger’s form again. It was a man dressed in a strange white outfit. My hands trembled and the rhythm of my heart slowed. Something cool touched my neck and I sucked in a breath. The room began to shimmer like sunlight on the water in summer. My eyes stung so I closed them, leaving everyone behind.
***When I opened my eyes again, I was no longer on the floor in Gemma’s bedroom. Instead, I stood in a strange space. A gray hue surrounded my body as if I were inside a storm cloud.
“Where am I?” I murmured, but my voice carried across the expanse. Whirling around, I was unable to find a way through the fog. I looked down at my feet, which seemed to balance on air, but when I reached down my hand slid past my feet into nothingness. My vision tilted dangerously and I held out my hands to steady my body.
Red spots peppered my skin. I lifted my arm and touched the sticky substance. Why did I have blood on my arms? I brought my nose close and inhaled. It was definitely blood. The scent filled my nose trailing down to my mouth leaving a coppery aftertaste.
My shift was covered in blood as well. I touched my flat stomach and my legs were jelly underneath me. Where was my baby? I started in the direction I must have come from. I had to be dreaming. I pinched my skin but the space didn’t change.
I turned around and Gemma and Tristan’s dead eyes bored into mine. But Gemma and Tristan were dead. I’d killed them. I knew what I had done, but this wasn’t what I expected to come of it. As I staggered back, the vision of my sister and husband faded and I stared into the space, a chill creeping up my spine.
What was happening to me? I dropped to the ground and tucked my head in my arms. I had to be dreaming. But the taste of something sweet against my lips brought me back to this strange reality. What had Father done?
“Margaret,” a voice boomed out of the empty nothingness.
I raised my fists in the air at the unseen threat. “What do you want?” Father had taught me how to defend myself from a young age and I wasn’t afraid of whoever was here that prevented me from seeing my baby.
“You have no reason to fear me.” A hulking dark-skinned man appeared through the fog. Even though I had no idea who he was, he radiated peace and warmth and I found myself moving toward him, my arms dropping to my sides. His bright golden eyes sparkled even though there was no direct light that I could see. I looked down at his hands, which held a beautiful object. It ebbed and flowed across his palms like the spirit of a snake. The object touched something deep inside me and I couldn’t control my body from moving closer.
“My name is Felix,” he said softly. He turned his head as if someone had called him. “There isn’t much time.”
“Where am I? Where’s my baby? Where is Jackson?” Jackson’s beautiful face filled my vision. He hadn’t left my side since I was born. Well, not until just recently. But I knew he had to be looking for me. At the very least, I thought, he would keep my baby safe until I returned.
“I will take you to your baby,” Felix replied hurriedly.
“Thank you!” I gasped. It was all I wanted, to see my baby.
Suddenly, Felix wrapped his arm around my body. Something cool touched the back of my neck and the familiar sensation flowed through me. I glanced up into his golden eyes but he diverted them to his hand. My body was light and my skin was paling by the second. I tried to turn around but he grabbed my hand.
“Who are you?” I asked. My brain was whirring to life but I was confused. “What is this place?”
Felix’s lips pulled downward. “Do you know who your Guard is?”
I wrinkled my nose. The title sounded like something I should have known but I couldn’t wrap my mind around the answer. “My Guard?”
Felix nodded before saying in an efficient voice, “Margaret. I have to inform you that you have died.”
My breath caught in my throat, but the man wrapped his arm around my shoulders, radiating a peace I’d never felt before. “You are very special.”
As I looked up at him, something niggled at the back of my mind as if I should have remembered something important. But I could not grasp what was just out of reach.
“I need you to come with me,” Felix said.
“Okay,” I replied, trusting him implicitly.
Then Felix nodded and the space around us shimmered into a bright white light.
***
I sat up, burrowing my hands into a soft surface. The room was shrouded in darkness but deep inside of myself I knew I was home. What a strange dream! I inhaled deeply as if I hadn’t taken a breath in a week and let it out raggedly.
“Jackson?” I called softly, but he didn’t come to me. I leaned against my pillows. He must be with the baby. I didn’t know the precedence on how Jackson would still be my Guard and my child’s. But I assumed he was with him or her in the meantime while I had slept.
Pulling my fingers through the matted mess of tangles on my head I shoved the heavy quilts from my body, sliding off the bed and toward a sliver of light coming in from behind the curtains.
What time was it? I normally didn’t sleep much, but childbirth had been more taxing on my body than I realized. Poking a finger through the hole between the curtains I moved it to the side and allowed my eyes to adjust before pushing the curtain wider.
My hand lifted to my mouth extinguishing the involuntary gasp that rose to my lips.
Outside the window, the plush green lawn reached out into the distance, leading up to a forest surrounding the grounds. The sun was high in the cloudless blue sky. I touched the cool glass with my fingers, realizing my body temperature was higher than I expected and pressed my forehead against the glass, closing my eyes briefly.
This wasn’t right. Why was I in the servants’ wing? Dizziness swept over me and I leaned heavily against the window. Something was wrong. My room overlooked the gardens.
I felt a presence behind me and immediately it calmed each of my taut muscles. Jackson would be able to explain this.
I turned around, but I didn’t see him.
“Hello?” I called. I listened for the sound again, but all I heard was the thudding of my heart in my chest. Had I been mistaken that it was Jackson? Maybe he had been assigned to my child and I was assigned to a new Guard? One that surely wouldn’t reveal him or herself to me like Jackson did.
A blond boy manifested next to the bed and I jumped back against the window. I tilted my head, inspecting him. He was dressed like Jackson but instead of the face of the man I loved, this one was friendly and warm. A sudden pressure in my head pulsed until I had to close my eyes from the pain. Images flitted across my eyelids in quick succession and I reached my hands up, pressing them against my temples, willing the images to stop. Cooper, Ally, Leha, Jamie, Calliope, Robert. The memories of the After downloaded into my head. Being inside of Ally’s body. Training with Jackson. The feelings of love I had for him in my previous life mixed with his betrayal. The agony of losing Leha struck me over and over. I cried out as I came to the realization of what I was. A Rodas. My revenge on Hannah and Jackson boiled under the surface of my skin.
As my heart slowed down to a steady thrumming, I opened my eyes, recognizing the boy in the room. Cooper was in front of me in seconds, his eyebrows knitted together.
I looked down at my hands, wiggling them in front of me. I was back in my human body. Taking in another breath of air, slow and deep, a grin spread across my lips. “It worked.”
CHAPTER THREE
Cooper stepped closer to me, his hands opened expectantly at his sides. “You remember everything?”
I nodded, recalling the two memories I’d just experienced, of my death and meeting Felix for the first time. I couldn’t believe I thought they were dreams. Even though I’d experienced my death a few times through memories, this time was different. I had seen my Collector. Seen my father kill me. Maybe that was the plan all along?
The strange space I had occupied must have been Gate Seven. But it wasn’t as beautiful as I’d always seen through other souls. Why had mine been different? And why was Felix there instead of the Collector?
I strained to recall other memories from my past but they weren’t easily grasped. I knew my house like the back of my hand, but I couldn’t remember much before my death. Shaking my head I looked at Cooper. “Not everything.”
“Sophia said it might take time,” he reminded me.
But only two memories? I unfurled my fists, releasing the now wrinkled silk fabric of my nightgown.
I lifted my eyes to Cooper, aware of how his eyes strained to keep fixed with mine. I wasn’t wearing more than a thin nightgown. My heart fluttered in my chest, until an uncomfortable popping sensation and a low growl from my stomach broke the trance.
Cooper grinned, the corners of his eyes lifting with his smile. “You should change. If you feel up to it you could join Sophia downstairs for breakfast. She’d love to see you.”
I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest. My skin was a bit greasy and my breath was hot. “I’m going to shower first.”
He averted his eyes and pointed to the door behind me. “The bathroom is through there.”
“I know. I remember this house, but just not the memories in it.” I shook my head. “Does that even make sense?”
Cooper nodded. “I’ll be waiting in the hallway.”
My face flushed. I pressed my hands against my hot cheeks as Cooper exited the room. I dug my toes into the ornate area rug and scanned the room, trying to piece my memories, or any memory for that matter, together, but instead I hit a brick mental wall. My patience was quickly waning. Closing my eyes, I remembered when I had been inside of Ally. Why had I experienced those memories within her but not now in my own body? What was different?
Each time I had seen Jackson, shortly afterward I had experienced a memory. The wooden owl flashed before my eyes. When I’d touched the owl I had seen the memory of looking for it with Jackson.
My eyes opened and I stared at the space Cooper had just occupied. When I saw him again memories of my after-life had flooded back to me. Maybe I needed some sort of trigger to bring my memories back?
Cooper’s shadow appeared under the door breaking me from my trance and I headed quickly to the bathroom.
The tile was cool against my bare feet, so I sprinted across the floor stepping onto a rug near the vanity. As my feet warmed up, I glanced around the bathroom. Even without memories, I knew I had never been inside this room. The servants’ quarters had been strictly off limits, but I was more than surprised by the size of the room. I’d thought Ally’s bathroom was excessive, but this one made it seem miniature in comparison. The high ceilings magnified the size of both rooms and the adornments were simple, yet elegant. Paintings clung to the walls and each piece of furniture was intricately carved, making them decorative pieces themselves. To one side of the bathroom was a claw-foot tub enclosed by a curtain.
Looking into the large mirror over the vanity I noticed that my soul form had mirrored my body exactly with one minor difference. The Prognatum favored the looks and otherworldliness of the Caeleste, something I never found in myself even after finding out I was one of them, but the reuniting of body and soul had brought back those similarities. Even though my brunette hair was disheveled from sleeping, it shone against the sunlight streaming in through the windows. I leaned on the chair in front of the vanity, bringing my face closer to the glass. My blue eyes were brighter and full of life, reminding me of Leha.
My chest tightened and pinpricks touched the corners of my eyes. Before I knew it, the girl in the mirror was blurry and hot tears ran down my cheeks. In soul form I didn’t have all the functions that a human did, crying included. I had been devastated over Leha’s death but now that I was human again, with it came the rush of emotions. My shoulders shook as sobs caught in my throat, making it hard to breathe. I sank to the floor, my tears dropping onto the tiles in tiny puddles.
Strong arms appeared under my arms and lifted me to my feet. Cooper’s gray eyes searched mine as he tightened his grip, pressing me against him. I buried my face into his shirt, feeling the vibration of the soothing sounds in his chest and felt his fingers comb through my hair while I cried. Each stroke unraveled the tight knot in my chest.
Cooper murmured something against my hair and I was transported to the warehouse once more. The sadness that had crippled me slowly turned to burning hatred as I replayed Hannah taking Leha from me. My chest ached. I pushed away from Cooper, slightly embarrassed and swiped my hands over my cheeks, before mustering up a brave smile. “I should, um—” I pointed to the shower.
His eyes narrowed as if judging my ability to make it there in one piece.
In response, I went to the shower, leaned over the tub and turned the nozzle. When the water was warm against my hand, I glanced over my shoulder to find Cooper was gone.
***
I took special care to wrap a towel and robe around me after I exited the shower in case Cooper surprised me again. Pressing a hand into the crook of my neck, I stretched. The pressure of the water had pounded the remaining tension out of my body. My limbs were light and the contrasting cool air outside the shower sent a shiver across my skin. I plucked a comb from the vanity and tilted my head to the side, sliding the teeth through the strands, pulling the roots of now luminous and shiny hair.
A soul really did do a body good. Especially a Prognatum one. I remembered how lifeless this body looked in the freezer and now I was living in it. And I would for a long time. A lightness in my stomach sent waves of satisfaction through me. I never would have dreamed that I would have been human again, at least, not a human with all of my memories.
Well, some of them.
I ventured out into the bedroom. Cooper stood by the window, looking lost in thought. He lifted his head as the door knob lightly bumped the wall, but his gaze was still far away. Shaking his head, he ushered me to a closet. I opened the two doors revealing an extensive collection of dresses. I reached out to touch the soft fabric, one or two hazy memories surfacing as I picked through them. These were my clothes.