Soul Betrayed
Maybe Cooper had been right and it would just take a little time for me to remember, especially if I had items from my past to remind me.
“Do we have anything less…formal?” I inquired, sifting through the seemingly never-ending supply of dresses.
Cooper smirked. “I figured you wouldn’t be happy with Sophia’s choices.” He walked toward the bed and kneeled beside it, momentarily disappearing. I walked to the bed just as he stood up holding a suitcase that he placed on the bed and unzipped, revealing a set of more modern clothes.
“Ally had a little too much fun shopping for you.”
Reaching into the case, our fingers brushed and I pulled my hand away as he stepped back, allowing me to see the clothes. As I picked through them, the touch of his fingers still lingered on my skin.
I lifted a pair of jeans from the case, sizing them up against my body. Underneath were several pairs of underwear. I threw the jeans back onto the case and spun around, my face flushing.
“I’ll give you some privacy,” Cooper muttered and disappeared.
I stared at the empty space next to me. With my new status and body I wouldn’t have access to a soul’s quick transportation method, at least not until my transformation. I was reduced to human status, which was a weakness, especially if I was to somehow infiltrate the Shadowed. Wiggling my fingers, I tested the power within me but it was silent. I assumed that was all part of the human package.
Picking through the underwear and bras that Ally had chosen for me, I piled the robe and towel onto the bed and slipped on the least lacy underwear that I could find.
“Thanks for that, Ally,” I mumbled. I’d definitely have to do my own shopping from now on. Pulling on a pair of jeans and a fitted tank top I went to the standing mirror near the bathroom and inspected my outfit.
Not bad for a new human.
For a century I’d only worn the white Soul Collecting outfit and more recently the black Guard uniform. I’d tried on Ally’s clothes only a few times on our last mission but it was different to wear something that actually fit.
With thoughts of the mission, a bubble of regret and sadness resurfaced, threatening to drown me again. I swallowed it down, bringing forth another rumble in my stomach. It was time for food. As I made my way to the door, I remembered Ally’s housekeeper, Marie, and her cooking. I hoped she and Henry were safe, wherever they were.
I opened the door and Cooper came to stand beside me. My gaze flitted to a painting on the wall behind him. It depicted a horse riding through a forest. Another sudden barrage of memories struck me and I fell against Cooper, too distracted to worry about how embarrassed I felt.
Memories of Gemma and I playing in these halls when we were kids flooded my vision. My mind filled with memories of my sister and me along with shorter memories of the staff members catching us in their sacred space.
“Are you okay?” Cooper asked.
I nodded, grinning widely. “I remembered a few more things.” I pointed. “Gemma and I knocked over that painting once and it was an intense ten minutes getting it back on the wall before someone saw.” I clasped my hands over my mouth, laughing at my memory of our clumsy fingers grappling with the frame.
Cooper chuckled. “Anything else?” I nodded, but nothing important to the mission.
As we wandered the halls, my legs regained their proper strength, but Cooper held me tight against him, mumbling something about not wanting me to fall again.
I glanced up and the corner of his mouth twitched. “Let’s just get you downstairs in one piece.”
“Okay,” I said, my heart picking up an extra beat at our proximity. The only time Cooper had ever touched me while I was human was through Ally. It seemed that all my senses had been heightened after I returned to my own body. Or maybe I just needed to get a grip! Cooper was a loyal friend and protector, I had to focus on the mission and not the way his eyes mirrored what confusing sensations I felt inside.
Each step was easier as the memories slowed down. “Gemma and I. We used to play here.” I smiled. “Away from our parents.”
I could almost see a younger Gemma skipping down the hall as if she were a superimposed memory against the backdrop of the present. Suddenly I couldn’t help but smile, until I remembered my theory on bringing my memories back.
“Jackson,” I choked on the name of my betrayer and I felt Cooper stiffen. “He gave me a small wooden owl when I was inside Ally. It had been a gift in my human life. It showed me a memory of when we first met.” Cooper didn’t know the real reason why I went to see Jackson one of the nights I was inside Ally. The night I realized I’d done something horrible in my past. “I need a trigger to recall my memories. When I saw you for the first time after waking up I remembered the After.”
Cooper listened, even though I noticed the clenching and unclenching of his jaw. He’d despised Jackson for a long time and had just started to trust him, as I had. “That’s something to bring up with Sophia.”
I nodded. We walked silently down the hall, our footsteps muffled by the carpet. Oil paintings adorned the walls, each sparking memories, filling in the gaps in my head. I ran my finger across a smooth table, the glass surface glistening against the light filtering through the high windows. A tall vase with a bouquet of flowers stopped me in my tracks.
“My mother insisted on fresh flowers throughout the house.” I lightly pinched the silky petals between my fingers. The thought of my mother brought forward the last night I saw her. Even though she was my step-mother, she’d been there for me since I was a child, filling in the motherly role for my father and myself. She’d been so frantic that night, witnessing both daughters’ deaths in the same night.
I swiped at my eyes and tugged Cooper along, away from the hall and my haunting memories.
CHAPTER FOUR
Cooper led me down the main stairwell and I gripped the bannister for support, flickers of memories of Gemma and me sliding down them during our childhood games.
“Are you okay?” Cooper asked.
I exhaled a breath I’d been holding. “Just taking it all in.”
We rounded the corner at the bottom of the stairs and stopped at the door to the dining room.
Cooper dropped his arm and leaned closer, our faces inches from each other. I clamped my lips together, very aware that I’d forgotten to brush my teeth.
He crooked a finger, bringing it up to my chin. His touch sent an electric pulse through me. “Maggie, you won’t go through this alone.”
“I know.”
He cocked his head slightly, as if gauging my response.
I smirked. “Thanks for being here. I know there are other more exciting missions you could have taken.”
Cooper laughed. “Any case that you are involved with is exciting enough.”
He held my gaze until the door in front of us swung open, revealing a familiar face.
Thomas scooped me into a firm hug and I felt a few of my vertebrae pop and my breath whoosh out of me, bringing with it an unladylike squeak.
The stubble on his cheek scratched against mine. “You’ve recovered nicely.”
I leaned back, taking in the grinning face of my relative. “Thank you.”
He spun us around several times.
“Thomas,” a stern female voice called from inside the room. “Please don’t make her throw up on her first day as a conscious human.”
Thomas rolled his eyes. “Yes, mother.” He called over his shoulder before kissing me on the cheek and setting me on my feet.
His heavy hand rested on my shoulder directing me into the room. I looked back at Cooper and he followed close behind, his head tucked against his chest. A hint of a grin tugged his lips upward. I guessed Thomas had to be reeled in frequently.
I knew the room before I stepped inside. Mahogany cornice outlined the space. I’d always loved this room. It was gothic and dark at night but during the day the ceiling-height windows streamed large beams of light into the room. Someone had opened them, the lace sheers billowing upward as a delicate cool breeze brushed across my skin like a whisper.
Sophia stood from her seat at the other end of an extended table that could seat twenty people comfortably. My father had hosted many parties at the house and I briefly wondered if I’d been oblivious to other Prognatum visiting our home in the past. Sophia indicated the seat next to her. Her short hair was damp, making her appear more human than she’d been in my tomb and a tight smile touched her lips before they smoothed to an impassive line. She was all business today.
So was I.
The moment I sat down, a plate was placed in front of me. I turned to see a woman dressed in a white shirt and black pants retreating to the kitchen. The scent of bacon overwhelmed my nose. Thomas sat down in the opposite chair from me and I twisted around to find that Cooper was nowhere to be seen. My stomach flip-flopped; he said he wouldn’t leave me.
Suddenly, Cooper appeared corporeal a few feet from the table. “Sorry, I forgot you can’t see us now.”
Turning in my chair to face Sophia, I asked, “What does he mean I can’t see them? He’s standing right there.”
Sophia’s eyes narrowed and she pressed her lips together before answering. “This process has no precedence, but I think that since you are back inside of a non-transformed body, your view of the After beings is unable to be interpreted.”
“At least when we are non-corporeal,” Cooper interjected.
“How am I supposed to infiltrate the Shadowed if I’m not able to see them?” My stomach churned and the food in front of me no longer seemed appetizing. What had I done? At least in soul form I was able to defend myself, now, in this body I was helpless.
“It’s the price you pay,” Sophia said calmly. “You will be human for a little while but the transformation will be worth it.”
“If I live that long!” I argued, starting to panic. Nothing about this plan was going the way I thought it would. Being mortal without a full set of memories wasn’t going to help me destroy Hannah.
Thomas shoveled a forkful of eggs into his mouth, grinning. “Good job, mother.”
Sophia flicked her gaze at him then back to me. “I think you should eat.” She speared a piece of egg on her fork. “Someone is here to see you.”
Who could be here to see me? Cooper was my only friend at that point. Everyone else was undoubtedly terrified of me. “I’m not hungry.”
“You should eat,” Cooper chimed in.
I picked up a piece of toast and nibbled on it, the hunger I had felt earlier completely gone. “Happy?” I murmured.
Sophia gave me a satisfied nod and turned to her son. “When are the rest coming in?”
“In a few hours,” he said between hearty bites. “I called them as soon as Cooper said Maggie was up.”
“Excellent,” Sophia murmured.
“Who are the rest?” I inquired. “More Prognatum?”
She nodded. “Yes. We are finalizing the plan for your infiltration of the Shadowed.”
The dry toast stuck in my throat. “I don’t have all of my memories back yet. They are going to see right through me.”
Especially Jackson.
“It’s not going to happen today, but that’s part of the reason I brought your visitor here.”
“Who is it?” I was beyond curious.
She glanced up at Cooper then back at her plate. “Your father.”
My fingers went numb, the toast falling onto my plate. “My father is here?” I repeated, not sure if it could be true.
Sophia nodded. “Felix had me contact him after you had reunited with your body.”
I remembered the disappointment in my father’s eyes the night I’d killed Gemma and Tristan and the fact that he hadn’t bothered to see or speak to me for the past century made my insides twist.
Sophia patted her lips with her napkin and delicately placed it back on her lap. “Cooper will take you to him when you are finished.”
I looked down at my plate. I wasn’t hungry but I picked up a slice of bacon, delaying the inevitable.
Sophia ate her breakfast quietly while Thomas and I made small talk. He lived in New York City, close to the vault where he’d been guarding me. He was currently single with a soft spot for sushi. Not that I really needed to know that, but he was a good distraction.
“What are you going to do now?” I asked, picking up another slice of toast.
He shrugged, gulping down the last of his coffee. “I’m thinking about taking a mission overseas. I’d like to see more of the world.”
Guilt surged through me. I’d been the reason he wasn’t about to work on more important missions for the Caeleste.
You were his mission. Sophia and Thomas didn’t seem put out or disappointed in spending the past hundred years guarding a frozen body. It had been important to them. Now I just had to try to not screw it up.
Finishing my meal I pushed my chair from the table and stood up, brushing off a few crumbs from my jeans.
Sophia stood as well, “I’ll see you soon,” she said, before sweeping out of the room, leaving her plate for the staff to clean up.
Thomas crumpled his napkin and placed it on the plate in front of him before lifting his and his mother’s plate and following Sophia from the room. “Good luck,” he called, his voice floating across the room as he disappeared behind the door.
I blew out a breath, “Do you think anyone would notice if I ran away?”
Cooper smiled. “Maybe he can help with your memories?”
Always the optimist.
“Let’s go then,” I said and pushed away from the table.
***
My father’s study was on the opposite wing from where I’d been acclimating to my body. I bet Father had something to do with the separation. Each step toward the room widened the pit in my stomach and I had to break the silence. “Have you ever met my father?”
“No,” Cooper admitted. “Other than immediate family, the Prognatum don’t reveal themselves to others until they are transformed. But even after Ally transformed, he hasn’t been eager to meet with her.”
At least I wasn’t the only one. Although after the situation that David put his daughter in, I was sure that Father wouldn’t want to meet her. Just like he didn’t want to see me after what I’d done. “You didn’t see him in the After?”
Cooper hesitated, his eyes not meeting mine. “He took the majority of his cases out of the area. To keep his distance from Ally.”
And me.
Cooper opened his mouth to say something but I put up a hand. “I killed his daughter. Both of them actually. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why he was avoiding me.”
We arrived at the door to my father’s study before Cooper could give me any more excuses for my father’s absence. It wasn’t Cooper’s responsibility to defend him, Father could do that on his own. Although he rarely apologized for anything. That was a fact I knew without needing my memories.
“It will be fine.” Cooper said, touching my shoulder in support.
His serious expression mixed with my anxiety had created an unexpected sensation inside of me. I laughed uncomfortably and pushed the door to the study open. I barely got a chance to take in the richly decorated room before I saw him. My father stood in front of the fireplace, his proper posture marred by one of his legs kicked out to the side. He wore a tailored black suit, his hands tucked into the pants pockets. A thick brown beard covered his mouth, but I knew he wasn’t smiling. I felt as if I were six years old again being scolded for getting my dress dirty before dinner, but this time the reason was much worse.
“You still don’t take anything seriously do you?” His voice was gruff, hard and sparked something inside of me.
Before I could open my mouth to answer, my body temperature spiked and I lurched forward, the floor rising up to meet me.
***
I waded through the darkness as the memories of our relationship slowly filled the gaps in my mind. Snippets of my birth mother’s funeral broke through the barrier of my locked memories. A red-headed girl clung to her mother’s leg as the woman spoke in hushed tones to my father. My father had touched the lady’s arm in a way that made me want to turn away. Instead I’d focused on the girl. She was terribly shy. The disdain I felt for the woman turned to something light and airy in my stomach as I assessed her daughter. The girl locked eyes with me and I reached out a hand to her. Her eyes widened and her mouth popped open and she ran to me as if she needed another body touching hers to survive. Taking her hand I had pulled her from the room.
The memory swirled around me in a mist of colors. The rest filled in around it. I saw my father’s wedding to Gemma’s mother. Even though she was the lady of the house, I took more responsibility over Gemma than she ever did. And the estate for that matter. I recounted how close my father and I had been as if we shared a secret that I had not yet learned. I watched myself grow up as if it were all being shown on a movie screen; every moment my father and I had shared. As I grew up the arguments between us became more frequent as my personality shaped, but there was always that deeper connection between us, as much as we fought, we became closer. We had similar personalities and ideas, which made it unbearable to be around him at times, but I loved him dearly. Those images scattered before my eyes as they moved past to blurry memories of the day-to-day. I knew my purpose was to find a husband and raise a family but even from an early age it wasn’t something I had passion for. I always wanted more. An idea that he never squashed, instead he encouraged me to gain knowledge of the world around me, as if he, too, were waiting for something. As each birthday passed, father allowed me more and more freedom, unlike Gemma who he kept under a stricter hand. With each passing year, the gaps in my memory widened. Father had become distracted and cold toward me, focusing instead on Gemma. Just as I peered deeper into my memories, I hit a mental block, quickly moving onto the next somewhat clear memory. Nearing my sixteenth year, a dark cloud started to take shape around the periphery of my vision. I tried to push it away but it thickened significantly, once again obscuring almost all of my memories.
I pushed further into my mind, reaching for whatever information I could. I needed to understand why my father had pulled away from me when I’d needed him most.
Jackson. The thought of him broke through the barrier and I fell into a memory, almost as vivid as the night of my death.
CHAPTER FIVE
“Margaret! Open the door.” Father’s muffled voice carried through the solid wood that separated us. The fire in the hearth crackled, startling me. I blinked, my skin taut from the dried tears that caked my cheeks.
I forced myself to roll over. Everything had become more difficult as my pregnancy had progressed. Even simple tasks like rolling over in bed had me nearly sweating with the effort. I scanned the room. I knew Jackson was there, but he hadn’t become corporeal since Father told him to break it off with me.
The most important men in my life had broken my heart into a thousand pieces and replaced it with a hole as black as the night sky. Sliding a hand over my belly I closed my eyes. Even though this baby was half Tristan’s, it would be more than half of me. It would grow to become a special part of the After.
“Margaret,” Father called again.
“It’s open,” I snapped.
The door swung open and I glanced over at Father, his mouth turned downward. He crossed his arms over his chest.
“I suppose you want me to come down for dinner?”
“It would be nice for you to share a meal with your family at least once this week.”
I had ordered all of my meals to be taken in my room for the past few days. I couldn’t face Tristan or Gemma. Even though Tristan and I did share a bed at night, he only came to me in the late hours of the night; presumably after seeing my sister. The sight of either of them made me sick to my stomach.
“Why bother? I’ll be transformed soon enough and leave all of them behind.”
“Your child needs a father,” Father said.
“Jackson can be the father.”
Father narrowed his eyes. “That’s not how this works.”
I sat up as quickly as I could. “If you would have just stayed out of this I would know more about how this works. But you destroyed it.”
Father raised his voice. “You will not speak to me like this—”
“Why does it matter?” I matched his tone. I swept my hand across the bed, encompassing the room. “None of this will matter.”
Father leaned over the bed, inches from me. “This. This is what is supposed to matter. If Jackson had told you everything he should have explained that humans are who we protect. We are not above them.”
I snorted. What did he know? He chose to stay on the Living Realm after his wife had passed instead of moving on. I would have never done that. Once this baby was born and I was transformed I was out of here, with Jackson. We would go somewhere and start a new life together.
Father’s eyes flicked up toward the fireplace and my head snapped in that direction before his gaze slid back to mine. The flames in the hearth made his eyes gleam, but his expression was anything but happy.
“I see that I have to resort to other methods to get you to understand.”
I sat up, still staring at the space near the fireplace. Even if I couldn’t see him, I knew he was there. “Understand what?”
“Your infatuation with your Guard is unnatural. He was meant to stay with the family while you move on. But it appears that you are unable to look past this.” His eyes flicked back toward the roaring fire. “This is not the way of our world. You will understand that someday, but I will do what I have to. You will end this, or you will never see him again, in this life or the next.”
My chest ached. “Never.” I shoved off the bed and glared up at my father. “When I transform—”
“It will be done long before you transform.”
I narrowed my gaze. “If that happens I will live the rest of my life making you regret that decision.”
“What happened to you?” His voice was low and I knew I hovered on dangerous ground with him.
My eyebrows furrowed. “I am the same person I’ve always been. You just keep trying to change me.”
Father shook his head slowly. “No.” He lunged forward, his eyes sparkling manically as I scrambled away from him, but he grabbed my arms and yanked me until I was inches from him. My skin crawled and I attempted to lift my arms but he held them in place.
“Let go of me,” I growled, needing to get away from this crazed man.
“You aren’t even a shadow of my daughter anymore.”
“Let me go!” I shouted, shoving away from him.
He let me go and I dashed for the fireplace and balanced myself with one hand gripping the mantle. I wasn’t sure exactly where Jackson was but I knew he was close by. Just the thought of him near me made my heart race.
“What did he do to you?” Father asked.
I inhaled and let go of my breath slowly. It was something the midwife taught me in preparation for labor, a calming mechanism. The last thing I needed now was stress. Not when I was this close to getting everything I wanted.
My own family.
“You’re prepared to leave everyone behind?”
I turned to him, my hand sliding across the smooth wood. “I am prepared to do what it takes to get what I want.”
“What of Tristan?”
“What of him?” I yelled, not caring who heard. “Do you even know what goes on under your own roof? The deceit, the lies.” I shook my head, not willing to touch on that part of my life that I had let go.
“You will deprive your child of a father? Its actual father?”
I absently rubbed my belly. “Like I said, I will do what it takes.”
“Jackson has failed you,” Father murmured.