How Not To Be Starstruck
Stepping off the bus, I see Mark, Luke and Eddie smoking, and they look very amused by my outfit – probably because it’s free advertising for them.
‘Wilde, what did you do to it?’ Luke asks, astonished. ‘It actually suits you!’
‘That’s the thing with our Nicole, she can make anything look amazing, can’t you, babe?’ Eddie says, taking a final drag on his cigarette and flicking it across the car park.
‘You’re too kind, boys,’ I say, embarrassed but flattered to hear Eddie refer to me as theirs.
I look over at Mark, who is leaning on the bus. He hasn’t spoken to me today and I don’t think he’s going to either.
‘We’d better get a move on,’ Eddie says, jumping aboard the bus way too energetically for someone who drank so much last night. ‘Luke, get that lazy bastard Ben up, will you?’
‘I’m on it!’ he replies, giving Eddie a playful smack on the bum as he follows him up the stairs.
It’s just me and Mark now. Awkward. If he’s not going to say anything, then I guess I’d better try.
‘How are you today?’ I ask with a smile.
‘Fine, cheers,’ he replies without even looking up.
‘Good,’ I say undefeated. ‘Not many dates left now, I bet you’ll miss it when it’s over.’
‘Yeah, probably.’
This is impossible. I was hoping that last night he was either too drunk to remember, or at least too drunk to care, but I’m guessing he isn’t my biggest fan right now.
‘I’ll see you on the bus, yeah?’ I ask, but I don’t expect him to reply, and he doesn’t. Then, the second my foot touches the first step, he calls after me.
‘I hear you’re sharing a room with Luke tonight. There’s a shocker,’ he says with an extra helping of sarcasm, just in case I wasn’t picking up the vibes.
It’s my turn to do the ignoring. I could kick off, but where would that get me? He’s ‘the talent’ and I’d be off this bus in a flash if I got in his face. Anyway, I’m not going to let him ruin tonight for me. So what if I’m sharing a room with Luke? It’s nothing to do with him.
Back on the bus, I make my way to the living area. The guys already have a film on so I take a seat next to Eddie. Mark isn’t far behind, and he sits down opposite me. I’m so not looking forward to the drive to Birmingham, all squashed up together in this small space.
‘So, Nicole, this feature you’re writing on our tour, anything interesting to report yet?’ Eddie asks me and I wonder if Mark told him anything when they were alone together this morning.
‘Plenty,’ I tease. ‘You’re going to wish you hadn’t invited me.’
‘Don’t pull any punches,’ he replies. ‘What you looking so worried about, Boy Wonder?’ he adds, looking over at Ben. Ben is so quiet and, surprise, surprise, he’s already texting away on his phone.
‘Oi, I’m talking to you. Had fun last night, didn’t you?’ Eddie shouts at Ben – who looks embarrassed as hell right now – in a borderline aggressive manner.
That reminds me, I’m here to write a feature and not to groupie my way through the whole band.
Apart from the noise coming from the TV, and the odd text alert from Ben’s phone, the bus is so quiet. The roadies have their own transport and do their own thing, and Mick, the band’s tour manager, is also their driver so it’s just me and the boys here, and everyone is too tired or too hungover to chat.
Eddie yawns, stretching out his arms and wrapping one around me. As he does this, Mark sniggers and shoots me a filthy look. I’m finding it hard not to look at him because he’s sitting opposite me. I take my phone from my bag and I only get to tap a few buttons before it turns off. Bloody smartphones and their rubbish battery life. I’ll just close my eyes for a bit, anything that means I don’t have to look at Mark.
Awkwardness aside, I’m really looking forward to tonight. Sleeping in a nice hotel is always better than sleeping on the bus and it will be much easier to avoid Mark too. Why does drama follow me around where-ever I go? I still can’t get my head around what happened last night. We’ve never really been that close, not like I am with Ed and Luke, but he was hell-bent on getting close last night. One thing I do know for sure though, this won’t be mentioned in the magazine.
I wish I could text Emily. I’ll bet she’s sitting at my desk with her feet up. I left her in charge and under strict instructions to call me if anything eventful happened. Obviously she can’t do that now that my battery has died, but I’m sure she’ll be fine. I hope Vicky isn’t taking the piss – I still can’t believe she’s staying at Em’s house. Not only is she taking advantage of her good nature, but she’s making it impossible for us to chat like we usually do, she is always around.
How long does it take to get to Birmingham, seriously? This is the longest journey of my life. My head is resting on Eddie’s chest and I realise I must have dozed off for a bit. I have no idea for how long but we’re still not there yet. Mark and Luke are playing a video game, Ben is still texting and Eddie is asleep. The living area looks a little tidier, which means someone must have been really bored.
Mess aside, I adore tour buses. Try to imagine a really glamorous caravan. This isn’t the biggest one I’ve been on, but it has bunks for eight people so it’s still pretty massive. The living area is amazing, you can’t really tell that you’re on a bus. There’s a big table surrounded by sofas and blacked-out windows and a massive flat-screen TV on the wall with a DVD player and a PS3. The kitchen has everything you could need – I imagine, you know I’m not a very kitchen-y person. There’s a kettle, fridge, microwave and even an ice-maker. Just down the aisle is where the bunks are, four on each side. They’re not the comfiest beds in the world, but they’re certainly not the worst. I could so easily live on one of these buses – as long as I had more clothes with me, of course.
I’m still feeling tired and Eddie is so comfy to cuddle up to – despite the rock-hard muscles in his chest – maybe I’ll just fall back asleep until we get there.
Chapter Eleven
The Slut
The sun is shining brightly in Birmingham today, it’s a shame it is so damn cold. As a result of waking up on the sofa yet again today, my back is killing me.
I don’t know where everyone is. Eddie is asleep next to me, although with me leaning on him I doubt he could move even if he wanted to, and Mark is still sat in the same place, glaring at me again. I wonder if he’s moved at all.
Thank God, we are finally here. I don’t know my way around Birmingham (don’t act like you’re surprised) but I’d really like to get to a decent clothes shop and get something to wear. The novelty is starting to wear off my bright orange tent-dress.
‘All right, Mark?’ I ask brightly, giving him another chance to put what happened behind us.
‘Yeah, fine. Worming your way in with Eddie now, are you?’
‘She’s been in with me for a long time, you grumpy fucker,’ Eddie says sounding half asleep, his eyes still closed.
‘I’m going for a shower,’ Mark informs us, storming off.
‘What’s his problem?’ Eddie asks me as soon as Mark has gone. ‘You knock him back last night or something?’
‘Not exactly,’ I reply, hoping that will be the end of it.
‘No way!’ he shouts, sitting up straight and suddenly wide awake. ‘You knocked him back? Tell me everything!’
‘It’s nothing really.’
‘I’m going to get you so drunk tonight, you’re going to tell me everything,’ he laughs.
‘Yeah right, you’re going to be less drunk than me? Remind me, who had to be carried to the taxi last night?’
‘Don’t put that in your magazine,’ he laughs. ‘The chicks won’t go for that.’
‘It was only today you told me that I could write about anything,’ I remind him.
‘Yeah, anything but that. Write about how you knocked Mark back though.’
He’s clearly finding this hilarious and I have to admit he’s cheering me up.
‘Oi, stop saying that!’ I nudge him in the ribs. As funny as it is, I don’t want anyone to hear – especially Luke.
‘Anyway, I’m beginning to think it’s the other guys who can’t handle their drink,’ Eddie tells me.
‘And why is that?’ I ask. This should be good.
‘Because when Luke and Ben carried me to the taxi last night, they dropped me twice,’ he jokes. ‘And as for Mark, he had to be smashed if he thought he had a chance with you.’
The minute the tour bus pulled up outside the venue, the plan was for me to go and pick up something to wear tonight. I’d hoped we’d be in the city centre but I’ve been told that we’re nowhere near a clothes shop of any description. I had a little wander down the road but, not wanting to get lost, I had to admit defeat. Tonight, Matthew, I’m going to be...an orange. I am just going to have to come to terms with the fact that this is the outfit I will be wearing to the show tonight. I’m either going to look like a crazy fan or a skanky groupie and I’m not sure which is worse. This is also the outfit I am going to be wearing when I try to seduce Luke – a hideous orange T-shirt, branded with the name of his band. If he’s vain enough, that will probably do the trick. Eddie keeps making dirty comments about how he’s always wanted to get it on with a girl wearing his band’s merchandise. I think he’s joking but you never know with Eddie. Some poor cow will probably be dressing up in the works for him tonight.
We are ushered from the bus, into the venue and straight to backstage room, and what a dump it is. The dressing room is small, with no windows, bare walls and a bare floor. Walking over to the table where the food is laid out, I grab a can of Coke and a bag of salt and vinegar crisps and plonk myself down on one of the battered old sofas, trying to ignore the suspicious stains on the cushions.
The boys are fussing around and getting changed, apart from Eddie who is studying the food carefully. He’s upset because apparently there are things that were on the rider that are not on the table, and he’s shouting at Mick to do something about it. It doesn’t matter that the table is covered with food and drink, what Eddie wants Eddie gets. Some poor venue worker is sent out to get the missing items. Maybe things would change if I were famous, but I can’t imagine kicking off because someone forgot to buy me some ketchup.
When it is finally my turn to have a shower, I make it snappy before slipping my T-shirt back on. Now that I’m hanging around the backstage area, I have to have my Access All Areas pass on show which leaves me no choice but to wear it around my neck. There’s no doubt about it, I look like a total nerd.
All alone backstage, I examine the table of food again. I didn’t eat much yesterday and I’ve decided that was the reason I got so drunk last night (although it probably had more to do with the fact that I just drank way too much). I make myself a sandwich and, suddenly starving, I take an over-enthusiastic bite. Just my luck, Luke walks back into the room as I’m struggling to chew a huge mouthful of food. I have managed to make myself look like an even bigger loser, but at least I’m making him smile.
‘Bitten off more than you can chew?’ he asks.
He doesn’t know the half of it. He waits patiently for a reply.
‘Done,’ I say victoriously, putting the rest of the sandwich to one side because suddenly I’m not that hungry any more.
‘Well check out that super-cool laminated pass hanging around your neck. Are you with the band?’ he asks. He’s obviously not done teasing me just yet.
Now is my chance. Toying with my lanyard, I give him my sexiest look, but as I take a step towards him I catch my foot on a guitar lead and fall into him, face first. Luckily, he catches me and doesn’t let go.
‘Easy, tiger,’ he says with a laugh, before leaning in closer and whispering into my ear. ‘At least wait until I’ve got you in my room.’
With his face still just inches from mine, Luke starts gently kissing my neck and it’s fortunate that he is still holding me because my legs instantly turn to jelly. Next thing I know, we’re kissing on the lips. I don’t want to sound all lame and high school again, but this is our first proper kiss and all that’s missing is the firework display. As he pushes me back onto the tatty old sofa, I wrap my legs around his waist. I can’t believe this is actually happening. Just as our kisses get heavier, I faintly hear the door open and things come to a sudden stop. I smile and try to look innocent, something that I have perfected over the years to get myself out of tricky situations. With that said, even the most innocent of innocent looks couldn’t make this situation look like anything other than what it is because my legs are still wrapped tightly around Luke’s waist and locked at the ankle. If it’s anyone other than Mark then I might be able to live this one down. I dare myself to look towards the door and, of course, it’s Mark. He glares at me before wandering over to fridge.
‘Not interrupting anything, I hope,’ he says, grabbing a can of something and plonking himself down next to us.
‘Actually, mate...’ Luke begins, but Mark doesn’t let him finish.
‘Good, because I need something to eat and Eddie needs you on the stage. Now.’
Luke looks at me and gives me that cheeky smile I love so much. He plants a peck on my lips and manages to free himself from my grasp, pulling up and fastening his jeans as he leaves the room – I didn’t even realise he’d undone them, what moves he has! It’s just me and Mark now, and as long as he doesn’t speak to me then I’ll happily keep out of his way.
‘I knew you were a groupie, but fucking hell. You could at least wait twenty-four hours between shagging each band member. Bloody slapper.’ he snaps at me.
I like to think I’m a pretty chilled lady, a lover not a fighter and all that, but I can’t keep my temper under control any longer and I snap back.
‘Excuse me?’ I ask, standing up and trying to subtly pull my dress back down over my lower half. ‘First of all, I haven’t shagged anyone,’ I yell. ‘And second of all, I was very drunk last night, and you knew that, and I didn’t want to kiss you, and you knew that too. OK, I might have kissed you back for a second but, as drunk as I was, I still came to my senses. Get the fuck over it!’
It’s amazing how a little bit of anger brings out my inner northern monkey.
Mark looks gobsmacked. Friend or not, I probably shouldn’t upset the celebrities, but how dare he call me a slapper? If I had shagged him down that alley, he probably wouldn’t be calling me any names.
‘Do what you want, write what you want, shag who you want!’ he shouts, leaving the room and slamming the door behind him.
There are hundreds of girls queuing up outside the venue right now and, despite being a podgy arsehole in need of a good wash and a shave, he could probably have his pick of any of them. Why waste his time getting angry at me?
My eyes start to feel heavy and a huge tear falls from my right eye, rolling down my face and stripping my skin of every ounce of make-up that dares to stand in its path. I wipe it quickly and grab my foundation from my bag. I can’t let anyone see me crying.
I should be buzzing after kissing Luke. Instead, I am sitting in a backstage room, all on my own, sobbing because some C-list bassist just called me a slapper.
As I smarten myself up and retouch my make-up, I take yet another long, hard look in the mirror. Tonight is going to be a long night.
Chapter Twelve
The Skanky Groupies
After an awesome performance (including an encore), I am clapping and screaming just as much as any other fan in the room – maybe more so.
‘Are you their mascot?’ a handsome older man asks me, nodding in the direction of the hideous orange dress I forgot I was wearing.
‘Not exactly,’ I tell him with a giggle. ‘It’s a funny story really.’
‘I hope you’re going to tell me it.’
‘To summarise...’ I take a deep breath. ‘I am touring with the band, to write a magazine feature, but I forgot my bag and I spilt a drink on my pretty dress, so Luke, the drummer, was kind enough to give me this to wear.’
‘Wow, he must hate you!’ the stranger says, insulting my dress.
‘I know, right? What a bastard!’
He laughs.
‘You said you’re writing a feature on the band? I’m here to write a review for the local paper,’ he informs me.
‘Oops! Did I say he was a bastard? Because what I mean to say is what a wonderful band this is, and how you should definitely give them a good review!’
‘Don’t worry, I’m impressed. My name is Kenny by the way.’
‘Nice to meet you, Kenny.’ I shake his hand, ‘I’m Nicole.’
‘It’s nice to meet you too. Can I buy you a drink? We can swap notes.’
The band have only just finished and I know I’m going to be on my own while they do promo and meet fans, so I agree and we take a seat at the bar. Kenny seems like a nice guy and he’s a music reviewer for the local press so I’m sure I can learn a thing or two from him.
‘I think your friend is worried about you,’ Kenny tells me, gesturing towards Luke with a swift movement of his eyes.
I glance over and he’s right, Luke is giving us a filthy look.
‘He needn’t be worried, I’m more interested in him than I am in you, darling,’ he says with a wink.
Poor Luke, if only he knew.
‘I’ll put in a good word for you,’ I tell Kenny, winking right back at him.
‘Don’t worry about it, I think he’s got his eye on someone else in this room and I think we both know who that is.’
I smile, but then something catches my eye.
‘Excuse me for a moment,’ I say, making my way over to the band.
The guys are surrounded by fans, but there’s this one girl who caught my eye because she is wearing the same orange T-shirt as me.
I tap her on the shoulder. ‘Don’t you just hate it when someone wears the same outfit as you?’
‘It looks better on you,’ she replies with an unconvincing smile.
‘Are you trying to meet the band?’ I ask.
‘Trying.’ She holds up a poster. ‘I wanted them to sign this but it’s like I’m invisible.’
‘I’m a friend of theirs, I’ll get them to sign it.’
Taking the poster and marker pen, I start with Luke.
‘Can you sign this for that lovely girl over there?’ I ask him.
‘Sure. Who’s that guy you’re with?’
‘A journalist, so be nice,’ I warn him.
Ben signs the poster next, and thankfully he gets Mark to sign it too. If I’d asked, he probably would have told me to piss off. Now all I need is Eddie, and skanky groupies are his favourite thing so it’s going to be tough getting his attention. I push my way through a girl gang and hook my arm around Eddie’s. You’ve got to get territorial and show them who is boss, it’s the only way a girl can survive in this environment.
‘Eddie, baby, could you sign this for my friend please?’
‘Anything for you, Miss Wilde,’ he says, taking the pen and signing over his face on the poster. ‘Give me a kiss,’ he says before puckering up, and I’m not sure who he’s showing off for but I’m happy to help.
‘No way, I know where that mouth has been,’ I tease as I reach for the poster, but he holds it out of my reach and makes kissy noises at me.
I peck him on the lips and give the girls a friendly smile before taking the poster and making my way back towards my new friend.
‘Ta-da,’ I say, handing her the poster along with a plectrum, a wristband and some stickers. ‘And here’s a few bits from the merch stand too.’
Bless her, she looks so happy. It really bugs me that Eddie only gives attention to the girls he fancies. It’s girls like this who pay his wages, not the ones who are only here to try and sleep with him.
I head back over to the bar where Kenny is sitting.
‘I saw what you did. You’re a real sweetheart, aren’t you, Nicole?’
‘Oh, I do try,’ I say with a laugh, just as Luke appears.
I introduce them and Luke shakes Kenny’s hand. I’m surprised he isn’t doing more to soften up the guy who will be reviewing him for the entire city of Birmingham to read.
Luke tells me that they’ve got to head back to the hotel for an interview, which I’m guessing is my cue to say goodbye to my new best friend and go with them.
‘Kenny, do you want to come and have a drink in the hotel bar?’ I ask. ‘I want to hear more of your stories, and if these guys are doing an interview I’ll only have to sit and watch.’
‘I’d love to,’ Kenny replies, clearly annoying Luke by doing so.
‘Right, well we’re going now so if you’re coming get a move on,’ Luke tells us, so we knock back the remainder of our drinks and follow his lead.
Chapter Thirteen
The Crack
The hotel we are staying in is absolutely gorgeous. I couldn’t ever afford to stay in a place like this on my own, but that’s the beauty of being a hanger-on; someone else always foots the bill. I know that I’m lucky to stay in such beautiful places, which is probably why I don’t take any of it for granted, unlike most of the bands I know.
Tonight we’re staying at the Hotel Regale. I’ve only just stepped through the door and I’m already in love with the place. Inside the lobby they have replaced one of the walls with a huge fish tank, which is absolutely mesmerising – even to an entirely sober person, I’d imagine. On the other side of the tank is the bar, which is where Kenny and I are heading. There’s no point in me going up to the room and hanging around in the background while they do their interview, I may as well be down here sucking Dutch courage through a sparkly straw.
As soon as they’re done, Luke is going to call Reception and have someone let me know I can go up. I’m suddenly really nervous again, but trying to keep it out of my mind while I’m chatting to Kenny. We’re swapping stories about interviews and gigs. I know I have some great tales to tell (not that I ever would outside of the loop), but I am so jealous of some of his stories. Yes, we’ve only just met, but we’re already sharing a little too much information – this must be how rumours start, with journalists getting tipsy and exchanging stories.
It isn’t long before a nice lady lets me know that ‘Mr Fox’ is waiting for me. It sounds so weird to hear Luke being referred to as Mr Fox, like he’s a proper adult.
I say goodbye to my new friend and we swap details before I make my way to the lift. I hang back for a few minutes, spotting Mick the tour manager getting in the lift with a gang of giggly girls. No prizes what, or should I say who Eddie is doing tonight. I’m so glad I’m in with Luke because I am so not in the mood for a party with giggly fan-girls – and I’m allowed to say that because I used to be one, I know how annoying we are.
The nerves finally hit me as I step out of the lift. Luke is standing outside the door waiting for me, and he must have had quite a bit to drink while they were doing their interview because he is wasted.
‘Shall we go in?’ he asks, fiddling with the keycard for the room. For some reason he can’t get the door to open.
‘Do you want me to do that?’ I ask.
‘I can do it,’ he snaps.
I thought maybe he was just nervous too, but he looks terrible. His eyes are red and watery, and between attempts to get the door open he is rubbing his nose. If we were in the ‘real world’, I’d probably think he was coming down with a cold, but we’re not in the ‘real world’, are we?
In a way, I am proud of myself, I’ve always been very anti-illegal drugs and there’s a huge amount of temptation in the biz. Well, I’ve never been tempted. Sadly, it looks like Luke has. I know a lot of bands are close friends of Mary Joanna (say it quickly), but I’m guessing Luke is on something much harder. So the rumours are true.
Finally he gets the door open, laughing as he falls through the doorway, only just managing to stay upright. Kicking the door shut, Luke puts his hands on the wall either side of me. I can’t move and I’m being forced to look into his eyes. I’d imagined this moment being intense, but this just feels all wrong. Not only that, but he looks a mess – sexy doesn’t spring to mind at all.