How Not To Be Starstruck

He starts kissing me but it doesn’t feel like it did earlier. Earlier was great, this is awful. I feel uncomfortable and his constant sniffling is making me feel kind of sick so I pull away.

‘Everything OK?’ asks the snotty-nosed man of my dreams.

‘Are you OK?’ I ask.

‘I’m fine, let’s just get on with it,’ he insists, sounding slightly annoyed that I stopped him.

‘Get on with it? You smooth-talker.’

He ignores my sarcasm and starts kissing me again, pushing me onto the bed. After five minutes of awkward – and to be honest, slightly snotty – kisses, he rolls off me and sits on the edge of the bed, facing away from me. He seems frustrated and he’s swearing under his breath, banging his hands on the bed like some kind of mad man.

‘For fuck’s sake!’ he shouts to himself. To be honest, I’m a little bit scared.

‘I’ll be right back, just going to the bathroom,’ I tell him. I don’t wait for a reply before heading into the huge bathroom and locking the door behind me. I close the lid on the toilet and sit down. The bath looks so inviting, I’d love to have a long soak with lots of bubbles, pull on one of the fluffy bath robes, eat room service, watch TV and then fall asleep in the big, comfy bed – rock and roll. With a wasted Luke waiting for me in the big, comfy bed, I can forget about relaxing tonight though, and even though I would rather sit here until morning, I know that I have to go back out there. I’m not sure what has happened to the man I was pretty much in love with, but that isn’t him sitting in there waiting for me and that definitely wasn’t him throwing me around the room before. It’s only a matter of hours since we kissed in the dressing room, but now it’s like that perfect kiss never happened. His mood is all over the place, one minute he is the life of the party, the next he’s losing his temper.

I check the time and realise I have been sitting in here for twenty minutes now. It’s time to face the music or, in this case, the musician.

It turns out I have nothing to worry about. Luke is fast asleep, the wrong way across the bed, with his jeans and his boxers around his ankles. His mouth is wide open and even though his eyes are closed, they still look so sore. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look so unattractive. A lesser woman than me would take a photograph – who am I kidding? If my phone battery wasn’t flat I’d probably snap a quick one, if only to remind myself that I never slept with a coke-head. That has to be the reason he’s acting like this, it makes too much sense not to be.

I can see his chest moving so at least I know he’s breathing, but I still don’t fancy sleeping in here with him. I grab the spare keycard for the room next door. I might as well head to the party, drink this out of my mind and try and get some sleep in there.

Opening the door to Eddie and Mark’s room (with ease, because I’m not high), I realise there isn’t a party going on because all is quiet. This room is much bigger than ours, and thinking I hear someone in the bedroom I walk though, only to be greeted by Ben’s bare arse and a rather embarrassed-looking girl underneath him. From the way he described his girlfriend to me earlier, I can safely say this isn’t her.

With no idea where anyone else is, I head back to the bar, plonk myself on a sofa and gaze at the fish. Maybe Eddie and Mark will appear, maybe Ben’s female friend will leave and I can go back up, or maybe Luke will come looking for me.

The past couple of days have been so weird. I thought these guys were my friends – I’ve know them for years, I’ve got drunk with them a million times before, I’ve crashed on the bus and in hotels with them countless times – but these past few days I’ve seen another side to them, their true colours or the side effects of fame? I just don’t know. Eddie, the one who I expect the least of based on past experiences, is the only one who has pleasantly surprised me, or at the least remained consistent.

I thought this was going to be the best tour ever and I thought things were going to work out great between me and Luke, but after several bad experiences with boys in bands you’d think I’d know better by now. I guess I just thought things were going to be different this time.

I don’t know how I’m going to face them all tomorrow. After this business with Luke, my argument with Mark and catching Ben in the act, I’ll be avoiding everyone apart from Eddie tomorrow. To be honest, all I care about right now is finding someone I know, getting to bed and getting some sleep. I’ll just wait here and hopefully someone will come looking for me.

Chapter Fourteen

The Accident

Another day, another night sleeping on another uncomfortable sofa – Nicole Wilde, this is your life.

This morning I woke up on the sofa in the hotel bar. I slept there all night. I’m lucky a member of staff didn’t wake me up and ask me to move because I really don’t know where I would have gone.

It’s 9 a.m. now. I’ve just been in the toilets freshening up and before I have chance to worry about what to do next, I spot Mick at the reception desk – he looks stressed-out.

‘Everything OK, Mick?’ I ask.

‘Nicole, I wondered where you’d got to. Everything is not OK – one minute.’

He’s on the phone, saying something about a hospital and cancelling the rest of the tour. All kinds of thoughts are running through my head. Was Luke definitely OK when I left him last night? I was sure he was breathing when I left him, but I’ll never forgive myself if something happened to him after I left. I wait patiently for Mick to finish on the phone and tell me what’s going on.

‘Right,’ he composes himself, exhaling heavily and running a hand over his bald head. ‘There was a bit of an accident last night.’ He stops again, this time to punch something into his phone. ‘At some point, while I was fast asleep might I add, a couple of the boys took the party to the hotel pool.’

I feel momentarily relieved because Luke hasn’t choked to death on his vomit, but someone has had an accident…

‘Eddie was pissing around on the diving board, he tried to jump in and hit his leg on the side of the pool. He’s at the hospital now, they say his leg is broken. We might have to cancel the rest of the tour. They’re giving him some pain relief and putting a temporary cast on, and then we’re heading back to London so he can see his own doctor. Are you coming back with us?’

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