The Secret Love of a Gentleman
“Mama,” George cried, pressing his face into Robbie’s neckcloth, probably getting blood all over it.
“Your mama is asleep,” Drew ruffled George’s hair. “Iris woke her in the night and she needed to rest. She will be down in a little while.”
Robbie’s gaze lifted to Drew then passed to Caro, and he smiled. It shone in his eyes, not simply parted his lips. He was as open in nature as his sister.
The rhythm of Caro’s heartbeat was painful. Something solid tightened in her chest. He’d smiled at her last night, across the room, and anger and discomfort had taken up their swords and begun a war inside her. That was her irrational madness. But when he’d touched her arm, his fingers had gripped her gently.
“Are you going to join us for tea, Caro? You could act as hostess…” Drew lifted an eyebrow at her. It was a challenge.
Forcing a smile, she looked from Drew to Robbie, fighting the urge to run. Yet, bizarrely, as much as she wished to run, she felt pulled towards Robbie when he smiled again. His smile tried to reassure and pleaded with her to stay.
Her skin burned as she blushed, but she nodded, then turned to lead the way towards the drawing room. A maid was already there, laying out the tea tray. Drew must have ordered it when Robbie arrived.
Caro breathed slowly, trying not to show how hard it was to draw the air past the panic in her chest.
A plate of almond biscuits stood beside the teapot, and as the men came into the room, George released a deep whimper of longing.
Caro picked up the plate and held it out for George, who was still balanced in Robbie’s arms. George took a biscuit and sucked it. Tears stained his cheeks.
Caro’s gaze lifted. Robbie had been watching her again.
“Your neckcloth is ruined,” she said to him.
Drew was watching her too.
Robbie’s hand lifted and he took a biscuit. He had long, slender fingers and beautifully proportioned hands. They looked as gentle as they’d felt.
Albert’s hands had been broad and brutal.
A spasm caught in Caro’s stomach, as though her womb ached.
It is because he’s holding the child.
Her gaze met Robbie’s again as he bit into the biscuit. She looked at Drew and held out the plate.
~
Rob watched Caroline as they ate breakfast the day after his arrival. He’d experienced a strange sense of recognition, déjà vu, when she’d offered him the plate of biscuits as George had held his neck.
Something had passed between them, her eyes had said something he did not understand. Yet after serving their tea she’d disappeared into hiding, leaving Drew to take George to see his mother and Rob to unpack.
She had not come down to dinner.
But this morning she’d risked Rob’s company again. He’d entered the morning room after her and seated himself opposite her. She’d mumbled good morning as he sat, but she had not looked at him.
Rob was unable not to look at her. The more he watched her, the more he became fascinated.
Mary spoke to Caroline about a book she’d read, probably trying to ease Caroline’s discomfort through conversation. Flashes of expressions passed across Caroline’s face, but they never fully formed. She hid her thoughts and emotions as she hid herself. Her smile was tempered and frowns fleeting, and he’d not once in all the years he’d known her, heard her laugh.
Her gaze lifted and the morning sunlight spilling through the windows caught her eyes. It turned them from the hazel with a look of amber to a remarkable gold.
He wished he could make her see he was no risk, that at least with him she might be free of fear.
She looked at Drew.
What would she look like if she were to laugh, while her eyes, cast in gold, sparkled? Rob wished to see her laughing.
I will have her laughing and dancing by the end of the summer. He smiled as a sound of humour slipped from his throat. It was his idealism speaking. He wished everything ordered as it should be, and no one should feel as restrained as Caroline did. That was why he saw himself in government, because he cared about the people who desperately needed help.
Yet while he worked out how to win himself an elected seat and change the world for them, the aim of bringing Caro out of her shell would give him a purpose he could fulfil more quickly.
Caroline had looked back at him when he’d made a sound, as had Mary. He did not explain it, but looked at Drew. “Is there any interesting news?”
“Not really,” Drew folded the paper and threw it across to Rob. “It’s all gossip and insinuation. What are we doing today? Riding out? I could show you all of the estate. You’ve never ridden the boundary.”
“Your son has a prior claim on me. I promised to teach him how to bat alone, and you will need to help me with that.”
Drew smiled. “Then I’ll defer to my son. We can ride out tomorrow and I’ll take George with us on my saddle. He’ll—”
“Not be going,” Mary interrupted, “That is too much for him.”
“Nonsense, he loves riding up with me, he likes watching everything and he loves the horses.” Drew gave Mary a smile that said do not challenge me. “He is my son, he has backbone.”
“He is a two-year-old child—”
“Who has a healthy interest in the world.”
Rob looked from Drew to Mary. “I did not come here to cause a rift between you, but I’m sure George will cope. He will have the two of us to entertain him, and he will be unhappy if we leave him behind.”
Mary glared at Rob and rose from the table. “We will see. I am going to the nursery.” She turned, her skirt swaying with the movement, speaking her annoyance without words. Then she walked away.
Drew laughed for an instant, but then he rose. “Mary…”
She did not look back.
Drew’s hand touched Rob’s shoulder and he leaned down. “Do me a favour, in future do not side with me. You are her brother. She’ll hold it against me.” Laughing again, then, he walked on, while Mary made a disgruntled noise as she left the room.
Drew’s lack of respect for her irritation would rile her further and she’d be angry for a while. Poor George would have to wait for his lesson until Drew had finished patching things up.
Rob looked back at Caroline, expecting her to rise immediately and leave. Instead her gaze met his.
“I’m sorry,” she breathed in a quiet, blunt voice. “If I have made you feel uncomfortable. I will try to accept your presence here. But it is not easy for me, Mr Marlow, and I wish you would not stare at me as you have been.”
“Caroline…”
She rose, leaving her napkin on the table and her meal half-eaten.
But Rob carried on quickly, before she could walk away. “…I will be no threat to you. I am staying here only because I love my sister and I love the children. I have no desire to discompose you. I hope you will come to feel at ease in my company as you do in Mary’s.”
She nodded, slightly, but then she turned.
“Good day!” he called in her wake, feeling as though he’d taken a step towards dancing with her. It was the first time she’d voluntarily spoken to anyone in his family beyond his mother and Mary, as far as Rob knew.
~
Love. The word echoed in Caro’s thoughts like a bell that kept tolling, as she crossed the hall, then climbed the stairs. Because I love my sister and I love the children.
Love. The word had seemed odd on Robbie’s lips. Yet she heard Drew say it often, and she saw love everywhere in Mary’s extended family. But for a young man like Robbie to use the word so freely about his sister and his niece and nephew.
Even in the first year of their marriage, when she’d thought herself loved, Albert had never used that word. But nor had she spoken it to him. It was a word that had never been spoken in her childhood. She had never dared to risk the mention of it to Albert in case it had broken some spell—the spell had broken anyway.
She walked past the stairs to the nursery. Drew and Mary would be up there, either continuing their disagreement or ending it.
Caro went to her rooms and collected her bonnet, so she might walk outside. The sunshine and the sounds of nature would calm the turmoil inside her.
When she came down she used the servants’ stairs to avoid the possibility of another encounter with Robbie.
The servants’ hall brought her out into the walled garden. It was full of vegetables waiting to be harvested for the table, and rows of flowers to be cut to fill the vases in the house. The scent of herbs caught on the breeze as her skirt brushed the leaves of the thyme, mint and rosemary.
A flock of sparrows chirped riotously, chasing each other through tall beanstalks, seeking insects.
Caro walked on, smiling at the gardeners, who lifted their caps, as she had smiled at the servants who’d curtsied and bowed within the house.
She felt no unease with them.
But they bore no comparison to the life she’d left—she had no need to feel judged by them.
She walked from the walled garden through the narrow wooden door onto the lawn, which fronted the house and followed the path that would lead her about the hedge into the parterre gardens. New scents greeted her: lavender, roses and the sharp smell of the pelargoniums that grew in pots positioned along the path.
~
Rob watched Caroline from the library window as she walked the path at the edge of the lawn, heading towards the parterre gardens.
He’d not gone up to the nursery for fear he’d be intruding on Mary and Drew. He’d go up later, but that meant he was currently at a loose end.
He freed the latch and opened the French door, then stepped out as Caroline disappeared behind the same tall hedge he’d seen her go behind the other day.
When he walked across the lawn he realised he’d come outside hatless and gloveless, but his stay was informal.
He turned the corner and saw her on the other side of the hedge.
She stood at the edge of a flower border, reaching down and leaning forward, pulling a flower to her nose.
His heart made an odd little stutter. If he could draw as well as John, it would have been a perfect pose to capture—the serenity of a summer morning.
He walked closer, the grass silencing his footsteps. “Caroline.”
She jumped half out of her skin, turning and stumbling.
He was close enough to catch her arm and stop her falling. Her bosom lifted with a sharp breath, and her hazel eyes, in the shadow of her bonnet, burned like soft amber.
“You frightened me.” When he let go of her, she stepped away.
“I’m sorry. I did not intend to. I saw you come out, and I had nothing to do…”
She looked into Rob’s eyes as though she saw a puzzle that confused her.
It made him unsure what to say. I wish she would be braver, Drew had said the other day. We have male servants, after all. “Do you think it possible that by the end of the summer we may be friends?”
Her bosom lifted with a breath. “That would b-be nice. But you will have to f-forgive me. I-I am not b-brave. I’m sorry.”
She turned away and she would have left him again, but he gripped her arm. It would discompose her and yet, when the woman kept running, how else was he to keep her there long enough to speak?
The muscles in her arm stiffened within his hold. “We may progress at your pace. But I do not see why it is not possible. That is what I hope for.”
She nodded.
When he let her go she turned away and walked further into the garden; he presumed to find solitude and security.
She must have endured much in her past. He knew Drew had helped her leave her violent husband, but her husband must have been very violent for her to still be affected by it after so many years.
Pity clasped in his stomach. Perhaps it was that which had caught him in the gut the other day. She might suffer with fear, but he also thought she suffered with wounded pride, because she was embarrassed, by her husband perhaps…
Chapter 7
When Rob walked into the drawing room, in time for the dinner gong, he hoped Caroline would be there.
She was not.
He’d not seen her since they’d spoken in the garden and it would be hard to make a friend of her, to the point that he might make her laugh and dance, if she was never about.
“You are late, Robbie. Did my son exhaust you?” Drew walked forward and grasped Rob’s arm, turning him around so they could go to the dining room, leaving Mary to walk behind them for a moment.
Rob glanced back at Mary, wondering what Caroline did in the evening when she did not come down to dinner. “Did Drew tell you, your son is a natural with a bat. He quite surprised me. By the end of the afternoon I had him hitting nearly every ball Drew threw.”
“When I am sure they were very carefully thrown to hit his bat.” Mary smiled at Drew.
He let go of Rob’s arm, turned back and took her hand. “Perhaps.”
The two of them walked beside Rob as they continued.
Rob longed to ask Drew more about Caroline. He wished to understand her.
“Caro. I did not think you were coming down.”
Rob looked forward when Drew spoke. Caroline stood at the foot of the stairs to the second floor. Her fingers were clasped together at her waist. She had not been there when he’d come from his rooms a moment ago.
She wore a shimmering amber silk dress. It drew out the variety of colours in her hazel eyes, and in her blonde hair too. Nothing about her was one shade. One lock of gold hair fell to her throat and a necklace with a single amber cross pendant lay in the cleft between her breasts.
A moment ago, as he’d made his way to the drawing room, a dozen topics to encourage her into talking had been spinning in his head. There were no words there at all now. He swallowed against the dryness in his mouth. He was thirsty tonight.
“I changed my mind,” she answered Drew, only looking at Drew.
“Caroline,” Rob stated, as she walked nearer.
She looked at him and dropped a very slight curtsy, then turned to walk beside her brother. There was not room for them to walk four astride, so Rob held back and Mary let go of Drew’s hand, then dropped back to walk beside Rob.
How many times had Mary given up her husband for the comfort of his sister? It seemed an odd scenario. Surely Caroline could not enjoy such a life.
When they reached the dining room, Drew pulled out a chair for Caroline. “Caro.”
A footman pulled Mary’s chair out and Rob walked about the table to sit opposite Caroline, while Mary sat at the other end of the table to Drew. It was not like dining at John’s. Drew’s manor was small, and their dining table arranged for a small family, not a stately affair.
Once seated, Rob leaned back to allow the footman to pour him a glass of white wine, and across the table, although he kept his gaze lowered, he could see Caroline’s slender fingers reaching for a small fork and spoon as she was served muscles in a cream sauce. Her hands shook.
Rob lifted his glass of wine and took a sip as Mary and then Drew were served, and then he leant back as he was too, the glass still in his hand, his eyes turning to the footman.
It was hard to avoid looking at Caroline, especially when he was so pleased she had come downstairs. Yet he did not wish to do anything that might upset her and dissuade her from coming down again.
When the footman finished dishing up the mussels, Rob looked up. He caught Caroline watching him. She looked down at her meal, her cheeks colouring a little.
Friends. He hoped they could achieve it. He thought it would be good for her, and it was a good foundation on which to build the hope of making her laugh and dance with him.
His gaze followed her hand as she freed a mussel from its shell and lifted it to her mouth. Then his gaze ran from her wrist up to the hem of the short sleeve of her gown. She was so very slender, frail and vulnerable in appearance. Yet she’d borne beatings. Had she suffered broken bones? He would probably never know the answer.
He looked at Drew. How much did Drew know?
Drew spoke about where they would go tomorrow and who he would take Rob to meet.
Rob looked at Mary. Did Caro confide in her?
Caro looked up and met his gaze. He swallowed against the dryness in his throat once more, then took a sip of wine to clear it and smiled, trying to make his smile as warm and unthreatening as he could. Her lips lifted at the edges, and they seemed to lift a little more than they’d done yesterday.
He looked at Drew and asked some questions about Drew’s tenants, suspecting that Drew was keener on showing off his son than he was on entertaining Rob. But Rob would not fault him for it. George was a sweet bundle of boyish energy whom Drew should be proud of.
When Rob finished his mussels he left his cutlery resting on the rim of the bowl and looked over the table once more. Caroline had finished eating too.
He tried to think of questions he might ask to draw her into the conversation, but his mind remained blank.
She leaned back to let a footman clear her place. Then on the next plate she was served fish terrine, chicken in aspic and sliced venison.
He lifted his glass and took a sip of wine, as she did, and their gazes collided. He smiled. In the candlelight her eyes were more matt than they were in daylight, but there was still a warm glow in the colour about the wide onyx circles at their centre.
She looked at Mary, her skin turning a deep red. “What will you do tomorrow, Mary?”
“We could drive to Maidstone if you’d like, Caro, and visit some of the shops?”
“That would be pleasant.”
~
As Caro listened to Mary speak of the things she would buy tomorrow, she took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to slow the beat of her heart and loosen the vice tightening about her chest. She was too aware of Robbie, of the way his dark-blue eyes studied her. Yet he was sitting opposite, it was only natural for him to look at her, and she had watched him too. It had been mean to ask him not to stare.
Friends. He had proposed this morning. Friends! And she had said that would be nice. But she’d never had a friend. Mary, perhaps, was the closest person to such a thing, but Mary was Drew’s confidante and Caro had deliberately avoided interfering too deeply in their closeness.
Caro thought of Albert and heard Robbie’s words. Do you think it might be possible that by the end of the summer we will be friends, Caroline?
Even from the beginning, when Albert may have adored her and admired her, he’d never treated her as an equal. He would never have considered a woman his friend.
She looked at Robbie and he smiled as he leant back to let a footman serve him. His smiles were swift, open and warm. There was no malice or artifice in him. He was a kind man. Thoughtful.
Friends. The idea appealed to her, and terrified her. She could not have seen it as a possibility if he’d asked in the company of his extended family. But here… She could imagine they might achieve it when it was the four of them. He was likeable.
He lifted his wine glass. She could see how gently his fingers gripped the stem, as they’d touched her twice. She could not see his hands about a woman’s throat. They were hands designed for creativity, writing, art or music, or honest labour.
He was different from his cousins and his younger brother, not brash and assertive, simply confident. Drew at his age had been an inferno of aggressive, defensive anger, fighting against the world. But Robbie seemed to sit back and watch it.
She tried to imagine Albert at Robbie’s age. Albert had been handsome, but not in the way Robbie was. Robbie had a masculine beauty, not simply a handsome face. The women in his family had a beauty that was breathtaking, and in Robbie it was striking, he had elements of his father’s angled features, marked with the Pembrokes’ large eyes and full lips.
He spoke to her brother, joining in a conversation Drew and Mary were having about George.
Robbie laughed as Drew admitted that he intended to pamper George in everything. It was a deep, low sound.
He glanced at her, as if he knew she’d been watching him, and smiled again, even more warmly.
His dark-blue eyes glittered in the candlelight.
She smiled again too, weakly, then looked at Mary and tried to join the conversation, her heart thumping steadily. She was not wholly comfortable, yet she did not feel the onset of panic.
Chapter 8
The day had indeed been pleasurable, using the word Caroline had applied to her anticipated trip into town. Rob liked Drew’s company, and he was actually impressed with the way Drew handled himself among his tenants. He’d earned their respect in the years since he’d taken over this property. People looked up to him because they liked him, not simply because he was the landowner, and they sought his opinion on subjects that four years ago Rob doubted Drew could have even discussed.
Then, of course, everyone they’d met on their circuit had enthused over George, and the boy had lapped up all the attention with his usual gusto.
But as Mary had predicted, George had become tired. He’d been complaining for the last hour and asking to go home, and now he was stretched sideways across Drew’s saddle, one of his arms draped about Drew’s hip, where he’d been holding his father before he’d fallen asleep with Drew’s forearm as his pillow.
George’s other hand was at his mouth, and his thumb hung at the corner of his lips, where he’d been sucking on it.
It meant their return ride was restricted to the pace of a walk as Drew cradled George on one arm and tried not to dislodge him with the rock of the horse.
They were still about twenty minutes away from the house when Rob heard the sound of a single horse cantering along the dry mud track and the creak of a vehicle. Gripping the pommel of his saddle, Rob turned to look back, steering his animal off the track and out of its path. He recognised the trap, even though it was a distance away. It was the vehicle Drew had bought for Mary to drive when she wished to go out alone. He saw the two women.
Mary wore a wide-brimmed straw bonnet and she was clothed in pink, while Caroline was wearing pale-lemon yellow, with an ivory shawl and parasol. The pair of them made a tableau from a ladies’ magazine.
“Mary.” Rob stated, looking back at Drew, knowing that Drew would not have been able to look with George sprawled across his thighs. “You’re in for it now. She said you’d wear George out.”
Drew laughed, but he pulled his horse to a halt as the trap approached.
“Whoa,” Mary called to slow her horse. Obviously she’d recognised them from a distance too. She stared at Drew as she slowed the trap to a halt.
Drew looked downward and gave Mary a devil-may-care smile, which dared her to challenge him if she wished to.
“He is exhausted,” she said, her gaze shifting to George.
“He is asleep,” Drew answered. “Because he had a wonderful time and needed to rest.”
Mary clucked her tongue and made a face at Drew. She knew her husband well. There was no point challenging Drew, she would not win the argument.
“He did have a wonderful time,” Rob assured her, “Everyone made a fuss over him and he spent his first hour laughing his head off with glee at the opportunity of such a long ride, and he has been given a dozen biscuits.”
Mary frowned at him, reprimanding him for siding with Drew.
“Don’t turn your wrath on me,” Rob stated jokingly, “I am not to blame. But George did enjoy it.”
“Will you hand George to me, Drew? At least then we can get him home sooner, and securely.” Caroline stood. Of course she must know Drew best of all.