His Lordship's Desire
Alex looked at her. She was still very attractive but she had never been the beauty her daughter was. “We have Napoleon on the ropes, ma’am,” he replied. “He is going to have to abdicate.”
“Does that mean the king will come back?” Diana asked.
Alex turned his eyes to her. She was dressed in a simple ivory evening dress that set off the pure white of her skin. It gave him a shock of physical pleasure just to look at her. She was even more beautiful than the image he had carried in his heart for all those years. “He said Louis has been waiting patiently in England for this chance for a long time.”
“Well, I hope they set up a government more like ours, with a parliament that gives the people some power,” Diana said. “It would be a shame for France to have gone through all it has only to end up with the same old Bourbons again.”
Alex smiled at her. “Still a revolutionary, eh Dee?”
“I wouldn’t call it revolutionary to wish for a governing parliament,” Diana replied soberly.
“I don’t think France will ever be the same again,” Alex said. “The revolution has left its mark, that’s for certain.”
“Well, I think that’s a good thing,” Diana replied decidedly.
Sally said, “When do you think we can leave for London, Mama?”
“I would like to have our ball before the end of April,” Lady Standish replied. “That means we will have to be in London several weeks earlier, to make plans and to buy clothes.”
Sally smiled. She had golden curls and sky-blue eyes like Alex. She said now, “It is going to be such fun, isn’t it, Diana?”
Diana smiled back. “Yes, it is.”
“What’s all this about a ball?” Alex said.
“We must have a ball to introduce the girls to society,” his mother said. “You will be the host, of course.”
He frowned. “I don’t know about this, Mama. I’ve been away at war for the last three years. I don’t know anything about balls.”
“You won’t have to do a thing,” his mother assured him. “Louisa and I will do it all. All you need to do is be there and stand in the receiving line with us. Oh, and dance with each of the girls, of course. And with as many other ladies as you can.”
Alex’s frown remained. “I had no idea when you called me home that I was going to be thrust into the middle of London’s social whirl.”
“It is your proper place,” his mother said. “You are the head of the family now, Alex. You have responsibilities.”
I know I do, he thought a little grimly. I just didn’t think that one of them was going to be to help Dee find a husband.
The following week was a whirlwind of activity for Alex. His estate agent, John Billings, took him all over the property belonging to Standish Court and pointed out the things that needed to be taken care of. His banker came from London and spent many hours going over his assets and encumbrances.
The late Lord Standish had been a prudent man and the estate was in good financial order. His mother had a widow’s jointure and use of the dower house should she want it. His brothers and sisters were Alex’s responsibility, but there was ample money to fund the boys’ educations and the girls’ come-outs into society.
In fact, Alex was a very wealthy man.
Mr. Billings had a few pet projects—like a canal on the Derbyshire estate—that he had been trying to get the late earl to invest in, and he brought them up to Alex, who put him off, promising to think about them.
Alex drove over to Oxford and Eton to visit his two younger brothers, who each managed to cadge ten pounds off of him.
By the end of the week, the whole family was as comfortable with Alex as if he had never gone away. Everyone, that is, except Diana.
He had tried numerous times to be alone with her, but she had not cooperated. She didn’t want to take a ride with him; she didn’t want to take a walk out to the lake with him; she didn’t even want to go with him to look at a new pony for Maria.
It was very frustrating.
He even stooped to trying to stir up a little sympathy from her by remarking that the damp weather was bothering his wound. She simply gave him a brilliant, dark-eyed stare. “What a shame,” she said, and walked away.
It didn’t help that she was so beautiful, that every time he saw her he wanted to catch her in his arms and kiss her until she couldn’t breathe. It was quite clear to him, however, that such an action would only alienate her further.
“Why are you so angry at Alex?” Sally asked Diana suddenly one afternoon as the girls were sitting side by side in the Yellow Drawing Room looking at magazines of the latest styles in clothing.
Diana felt a stab of alarm. “I’m not angry at him. Whatever gave you that idea?”
“Well, you’re very short with him, that’s for certain. And he is trying to be so nice to you. It’s not like you, Diana, not to be friendly. Especially to Alex.”
“I’m friendly,” Diana said defensively. She couldn’t meet Sally’s honest gaze so she kept her eyes on her magazine.
“No, you’re not. Look at me, Diana. What’s wrong?”
Diana looked up, her brown eyes meeting Sally’s sky-blue gaze. The two girls were very close, and it was difficult for Diana to fib.
“Nothing is wrong,” Diana said crisply. “You’re imagining things, Sally. It’s just that my mind is on things other than Alex right now. I’m very excited about our London come-out.”
Pretty color flushed into Sally’s cheeks. She was a lovely girl, the picture of innocent girlhood poised on the brink of becoming a woman. She had been allowed this last year to attend one or two local assemblies and house parties where she had encountered young men, but her experiences had not given her any hint of sophistication.
“I’m excited about it, too,” she said. “It will be so different from our usual life here at Standish Court.”
“I know,” Diana said. She tried to focus her mind on their upcoming London visit. “Cousin Amelia says that there are places to ride. Hyde Park is evidently a popular venue. We will need horses. I wonder if Alex knows which ones he is going to bring.”
“Ask him,” Sally urged. “You will be miserable if you can’t ride.”
“I know.”
“Then ask him. You know Mama is leaving the horses up to Alex. Find out from him what he is going to do.”
Later that afternoon, Diana had an opportunity to ask Alex this important question. They were both at the stable at the same time. Diana was lunging Candy when a carriage came in with a jet-black horse tied behind it. Shortening up the lunge line, Diana went over to look at the black horse, which was standing quietly looking around him.
He was a large animal, with a beautiful arched neck, short back and long, strong-looking legs.
Henley came out of the stable and went over to the carriage. “This must be his lordship’s horse from the Peninsula,” he said to the driver.
“That’s right,” the driver answered. “This is Black Bart. I’ve brought him all the way from Bordeaux.”
“I’ll send to the house to tell his lordship you are here,” Henley said.
While they waited for Alex, Diana introduced herself to Black Bart. He took the piece of carrot she offered and pricked his ears forward when she began to talk to him. Then, once they were acquainted, she proceed to run her hands down his legs and over his nicely sloping shoulders.
“Bart!” It was Alex’s voice. “How are you, fellow? I’ve missed you!”
The horse nickered when he heard the familiar voice. Alex went over to rub his forehead and scratch under his mane in a place he clearly liked.
Diana said, “He’s a beautiful horse, Alex.”
He turned his head to grin at her. “He saved my bacon a few times, I can tell you that. Unlike many cavalry horses who simply gallop forward out of control, Bart always listened to me.” He turned back to the gelding. “You’re a good boy, aren’t you fellow?”
Bart tossed his head in reply.
Alex turned to Henley. “Is his stall ready?”
“Aye, my lord. We’ve had it ready for several days now.”
The sun glinted off the black of the horse’s coat and the black of Alex’s hair as he took the rope that had tied the horse to the carriage, turned him and began to lead him toward the barn.
Diana followed.
Once Bart had been established in his stall with a bucket of fresh water and a pile of hay, Alex turned away from the door and for the first time seemed to notice Diana’s presence.
“So you like him, Dee?” he asked.
“Very much.” She began to walk out of the barn with him. “Have you decided what horses you are bringing to London with you?”
They had left the stable yard and followed the path back to the house. “I will have the carriage horses, of course, and I will bring horses for you and Sally to ride. And I’ll bring Bart for me.”
“Do you think you could bring Monty for me?” Diana asked a little breathlessly. “Annie is basically retired. She’s lame more often than she’s not.”
He frowned. “Monty’s all right in the country, but can you trust him in the city, with all the traffic? He’s never been in a city in his life.”
“I’m sure he’ll be all right,” Diana said.
“Perhaps we would be better off buying you a horse accustomed to London. I can always go to Tattersalls and pick you up a good riding horse.”
“I’d rather have Monty,” Diana insisted. “I have grown very fond of him since you left. I ride him almost every day.”
He stopped and regarded her with lifted black brows. “So you took over my horse, eh?”
“You left him,” she said, her beautiful lips set into a grim line. “You didn’t care what happened to him.”
He kept looking at her, then he turned and began to walk again. “I left him in my father’s stable, where no horse has ever been neglected. I had no worry that he would be mistreated. Moreover, I knew from Sally that you were riding him.”
It was stupid to alienate him, she thought. Not when she wanted this favor from him. “He’s like my own horse,” she said in a softer voice. “Please, Alex, if you’re not going to bring him for yourself, bring him for me. I’m looking forward to going to London, but if I can’t ride I shall be miserable.”
“Very well,” he said abruptly. “I’ll take Monty.”
She drew in her breath audibly. “Thank you,” she said.
He nodded and they continued their walk. After a minute of silence, he said, “You don’t have to go to London to find a husband, you know. You can marry me.”
She had spent her whole girlhood thinking she would marry Alex. But that was all changed now. “That’s good of you,” she said expressionlessly, “but it’s too late, Alex.”
“You’re only twenty and I’m twenty-two! How can it be too late?”
All of the anger and pain and feelings of abandonment bubbled up inside her and this time she couldn’t push them back down. She turned on him passionately. “It was too late the day you made your decision to go into the army,” she said angrily. “That was the day you killed whatever it was that I felt for you.”
He caught her arm and held her facing him. “I can’t believe that’s true.”
She stared down at his hand and slowly he opened his fingers and let her go.
“Believe it,” she said, as she turned and walked away. “Because it’s the truth.”
Three
It was several days since the shock of seeing Alex again had caused Diana to jump and her breath to accelerate. When he had called her Dee…no one else in this world had ever called her Dee. It was a symbol of the bond between them, that name.
But as the time passed, and the unexpectedness of seeing him began to wear off, she found herself more able to steel herself when she was in his presence. He was busy about the estate and she often didn’t see him until dinnertime. There, surrounded by the rest of the family, it was easier to be cool and composed, to let herself pretend that she was indifferent to him.
She wanted to be indifferent to him. Whatever had been between them had been irrevocably severed three years ago, when he had chosen to leave her. She believed that firmly. What she had felt then, and what had happened to her after his departure, was a chasm between them that could never be bridged.
He showed me how unimportant I was to him, she told herself. Now that he is home he thinks he can pick up right where he left off. Well, he can’t. I don’t need him. I don’t need to marry a wealthy earl. I need to marry a steady sort of man with a comfortable income, someone who I can rely on, someone who will be a good father to my children. Someone who will be there when I need him. Not like Alex.
Diana was very aware that she and her mother lived on the edge of poverty. If it had not been for Lady Standish providing them with a home and some social standing, she would have grown up in rented rooms in a city like Bath. Her father had been the younger son of a squire and the only money he had was his army pay. After he died, the Sherwoods had lived on a tiny pension, supplemented by the piano lessons that Mrs. Sherwood gave to local children. It was only because of Louisa Sherwood’s connection to Lady Standish that Diana had had the opportunity to ride horses and go to parties.
This opportunity to make a come-out in London was a godsend to her. She knew she had to marry. The thought of spending the rest of her life hanging on Alex’s generosity made her shudder. She knew a good marriage wasn’t going to be easy for a penniless girl like her. But she was aware of her beauty and she thought that in all of London there must be at least one good man who would find her beautiful enough, and personable enough, to want to marry her.
Sally would attract earls and viscounts; Diana was not foolish enough to expect that kind of attention. What she wanted was a nice, solid man, a house in the country, with dogs and horses and children. Surely that was not too much to hope for.
She only wished that Alex was not coming with them.
A few weeks after Alex’s return, an invitation arrived from Viscountess Alston asking the Devizes and the Sherwoods to a small party she was having at Reeve House. The Alstons lived some seven miles away from Standish Court and were the nearest neighbors of their own social standing. Alex’s father had been friends with Viscount Alston and when the earl was alive the two families had often socialized. Lady Standish accepted the invitation for herself and the Sherwoods.
“I’m sure they want to see you, Alex,” Lady Standish said as they discussed the invitation over dinner that night. Instead of eating in the huge formal dining room, the family usually dined in the smaller family eating room that was much cozier than the elegant perfection that Adam had created in the main room.
“Is it to be just us and the Alstons?” he asked.
“I gather from Phoebe’s note that she has asked a few other people from the neighborhood. You know we have never stood on ceremony in the country, Alex. I’m sure Dr. Lawrence will be there, and probably the squire. And Sir Burton Nable, as well.”
“I hope Ned comes,” Alex said. “I’ve been meaning to go and see him.”
Sir Burton’s son Ned had been a good friend of Alex’s when the boys were young. Ned had also gone to the Peninsula, but he had not been as lucky as Alex. He had been in an infantry regiment and had lost the lower part of his left leg at Salamanca.
“I would be surprised if Ned were not there,” Mrs. Sherwood said. “He is engaged to be married, Alex. Do you remember Lizzie Carruthers?”
“Yes. Good heavens, is Lizzie old enough to be married?”
“She’s eighteen, the same age as I am,” Sally said.
“It’s strange, but when you’re away you picture people staying the way they were when last you saw them,” Alex said, his eyes on Diana. “You don’t picture them as changing at all.”
“Everybody changes,” Diana replied. “And three years is a long time. I’m certainly not the same person at twenty that I was at seventeen, when you went away.”
“I’ve noticed that,” he said.
When dinner was ended they all retired upstairs to the music room, where Sally entertained them on the piano. She was very good and the others sat quietly and listened with pleasure to the strains of Mozart. Alex watched Diana, who was seated on a sofa next to her mother.
The curve of her cheekbones held great sweetness and the large, dark eyes in that fair-skinned face were marvelously arresting. Her mouth was perfect. Not too thin, not too full—just perfect.
She had a right to be angry with him. He knew that. He had had to choose between staying home for her or fulfilling his lifelong dream of being a soldier. He had chosen the latter. At nineteen, the dream had exerted a more powerful fascination than she had.
If he had known then what he knew now about war, he wondered if he would have made the same choice.
As if she had felt his gaze, she turned her head to look at him. For the briefest of moments something powerful flared between them. Then she frowned, looked down to smooth her skirt and returned her gaze to Sally.
She’s not indifferent to me, Alex thought over his thudding heart. No matter what she might say, something’s still left of what was once between us. I’m sure of it. Perhaps I haven’t lost her after all. If I’m just patient enough…
The music stopped and Lady Standish said to her daughter, “That was lovely, dear.”
Sally turned around on the piano seat and smiled at her audience. Everyone clapped.
Lady Standish said, “Let’s move into the Yellow Drawing Room for tea.”
On the night of the Alston’s party, Lady Standish decreed that they should all ride in the Standish coach.
“There is no reason for you to have to freeze driving an open carriage, Alex,” she said to her son. “You can squeeze in with Sally and Diana. After all, we aren’t going far.”
Alex, who liked the idea of squeezing in with Diana, did not argue with his mother’s pronouncement.
So it was that the five people assembled on the drive in front of the house to get into the elegant, well-sprung Standish carriage. Lady Standish and Mrs. Sherwood got in first, sitting on one side of the carriage, then Lady Standish beckoned to her son to follow her.
Alex climbed in and seated himself by the far window opposite to his mother and Mrs. Sherwood. Outside he heard Sally say, “Would you mind if I had the window seat, Diana? You know I am prone to motion sickness.”
There was a distinct pause, then Diana said, “Of course, Sally.”
Alex watched as Diana climbed into the carriage and sat beside him. She left a good amount of space between the two of them, but when Sally joined them she was forced to move closer.
Alex put his arm along the back of the seat, as if to make more room. It was dark inside the carriage, but he could feel the closeness of her body with every cell in his own. His body stirred. He hadn’t been this close to her since he had been home.
“There now, that’s not too bad, is it?” Lady Standish said cheerfully.
“It’s fine, Mama,” Sally said.
Diana was silent.
After a moment, the carriage started forward.
“I’m glad it’s a nice clear night,” Lady Standish said. “I dislike driving at night in the rain. I’m always afraid William will drive us off the road. He’s getting old and I don’t think he sees that well in the dark.”
“Good heavens, Mama,” Alex said. “Why on earth are you employing a coachman who can’t see in the dark?”
“Your father was going to retire him, but I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him. He’s been with us for so many years…”
“Well, he can’t keep his job if he can’t see,” Alex said reasonably. “There’s an empty cottage next to where Nanny lives. I’ll give him a nice pension. They can be retired together.”
Lady Standish sighed. “You’re right, of course. I suppose I just didn’t want any more changes after your father died.”
“Poor William,” Diana said mournfully. “What will he do with himself if he can’t drive the coach?”
“He can fish,” Alex said. “He always went fishing on his day off. He taught me a thing or two about catching fish when I was small.”
“I didn’t know William fished,” Sally said.
“Fancy that,” Lady Standish said.
“We’ll find someone younger to replace him, Mama,” Alex said. “You’ll be more comfortable with a man you’re not afraid is going to put you in a ditch.”
“Thank you, Alex,” Lady Standish said.
“Poor William,” Diana repeated softly.
“William will be fine,” Alex said firmly, “and his job can be filled by one of the men who are coming home from the war. There are many ex-soldiers in need of a job and there will be many more once Napoleon is deposed. There are not nearly enough jobs to accommodate the numbers that will be thrown on the economy. I foresee hard times for many good men and their families.”
Silence fell on the coach until they drew up at the front door of Reeve House. All the windows were lit and a footman was there to assist the occupants out of the carriage.
Alex followed the ladies into the front hall where their wraps and coats were taken by another footman. Then they were escorted upstairs to the large formal drawing room where a group of people had already gathered.
A woman dressed in a green evening gown and a man wearing the same formal clothes as Alex—a black tail coat, buff pantaloons, silk stockings and black pumps—came to greet them. “Amelia, my dear. How lovely to see you,” Lady Alston said. “And Louisa, too. And your girls.”
The ladies responded appropriately, then Lady Standish said to Lord and Lady Alston, “And here is Alex, newly returned from the Peninsula.”
“We have prayed for your safety,” Lady Alston said, taking Alex’s hand and holding it tightly.
“Thank you, ma’am. I appreciate that,” Alex said.
Lord Alston took Alex’s hand from his wife and shook it hard. “Good to see you, my boy,” he said. “Your father was very proud of you.”
“Thank you, sir,” Alex said. “I am only sorry that I didn’t have a chance to see him before he died.”
“He understood. He followed the campaign closely, you know. We both did. And he appreciated your letters.”
“Well, come along in, and meet our other guests,” Lady Alston said gaily. “It is something to celebrate, having you home again.”
Alex knew most of the people at the party. He was particularly pleased to see his friend Ned Nable there and the two young men went into a corner to talk. Their sober expressions were in contrast to the gaiety of the rest of the room.
Alex came back to awareness of the party when he heard the piano. For the first time he noticed that the rug had been rolled back. Evidently there was going to be dancing.
It was immediately obvious to Alex that every man in the room wanted to dance with Diana. The doctor moved the fastest and the two of them held hands to join in the circle for a Scottish reel.
“Dance with Lizzie, would you?” Ned said. “The poor girl doesn’t get many dances with an amputee for a fiancé.”
“I would be delighted to dance with Lizzie,” Alex said, and took the hand of Ned’s future wife.
In the course of the dance he managed to touch hands with Diana once or twice, which was as close as he got to her for most of the evening. He danced with his mother, with his hostess, even with Sally, but every time he tried to approach Diana she was giving her hand to another man.
He finally grabbed her when she was coming out of the ladies’ retiring room. “It will look strange if you don’t dance with me,” he said. “Everyone here knows we used to be good friends. Do you want to start gossip?”
She glared up at him, her dark eyes stormy. Tonight she was wearing her hair high on the back of her head, with little tendrils falling down her neck. “Oh, all right,” she huffed. “Let’s get it over with.”
She marched into the drawing room and gave him her hand without looking at him. He closed his hand around hers, feeling the long elegant fingers that were so gentle on the mouth of a horse. He held her hand more tightly than was necessary and she shot him a look but didn’t say anything. The music started and the circle they were part of began to move.