Finding Glory

Amanda Jane sang a little song to herself quietly and rather than distract Gina from her studies, it soothed her.

No, what distracted her was seeing Reed Hollingsworth.

Gina had always wondered what happened to Reed. If he’d taken the same path that Crystal had, he’d have been in prison or dead. Then her economics class had been assigned an article about rags-to-riches businessman Reed Hollingsworth.

And the article had pissed her off.

How dare he sit there on his velvet throne looking down on the rest of them while she struggled to feed and clothe his daughter? Crystal may have been fine with no help from Reed, but Gina wasn’t. He had a responsibility to his daughter. If he didn’t want to physically parent, fine. But he could contribute financially. It was the least he could do. The man made millions of dollars a year. Twelve grand a year plus a college education for his daughter wasn’t going to beggar him.

Gina was torn between anger, regret and betrayal. These washed over her all at once and she imagined if the emotions had colors, they’d look like a mess of spilled ink after they’d roiled around inside of her. At the end of the day, there was no discernible difference between them.

She was so tired. She’d just come off a twenty-four-hour shift and she had to study for a test the next day, but she needed to spend some time with Amanda Jane, too. The girl was just getting over the latest bout of bronchitis. Amanda Jane had a weak immune system, but they were lucky that was her only problem considering Crystal’s mistreatment of herself while she was pregnant.

Gina sighed and put her head down on the table. She wished she could learn by osmosis, then maybe banging her head against things would actually serve a purpose.

“Are you tired, Gina-bee?” Amanda Jane asked her in a small, scratchy voice.

She smiled. Crystal had called her Gina-bee when she was tiny. It reminded her of the person her sister had been and the hope she had for the person and mother she hoped she could be again. “Yes, darling.”

“Maybe it’s nap time.”

“But you don’t like naps.”

“No.” Amanda shook her head earnestly. “But you like them. So, maybe we should have one.”

“I’m fine, honey. I have to study for this test.”

“Tests are dumb.”

Tests made Gina feel dumb sometimes. She smiled again. “No, they’re good. This test means I can go to my next class and then I can be Doctor Gina.”

“And Doctor Gina means no more EMT Gina,” Amanda Jane recited with her.

“You got it, kiddo.” She stared back down at the paper, trying to make sense of the words as they danced over the page, but she didn’t see any of them. All she could see was Reed’s thin face.

Maybe because Amanda Jane looked so much like him. Or as he had as a boy, before things had gotten so bad.

He’d been so beautiful to her then, so tragic. With a face like an angel and a heart so full of hope, even after it had been crushed again and again. She’d waited for him to notice her as something other than Crystal’s sister.

It was ironic, really.

She’d ended up a parent the end of her senior year and she’d never had sex to prevent exactly that thing. Gina wanted to get an education, a career, before she started a family. And she wanted to do it the right way. She wanted to fall in love, have babies with a man who wanted to be a father and a husband. She wanted the white picket fence and the American dream.

And now, she supposed she had fallen in love, but with Amanda Jane. That girl was her heart and soul, and Gina would do anything she had to do to provide a good life for her. Anything.

Gina had a feeling that the universe was going to test her mettle with that statement, but she didn’t care. There was nothing more important to her than giving Amanda Jane the life she deserved.

She knew that meant seeing Reed again and she also knew it meant that she couldn’t let her softer feelings for the boy he’d been get in the way. He wasn’t that boy anymore. He was a grown man who’d had no problem playing hardball.

But neither would Gina.

She just couldn’t reconcile that with the boy he’d been.

Gina looked back down at Amanda Jane’s serious blue eyes and found another smile. “Hey, you want to help me study for this test?”

Amanda Jane put down her doll and her small fingers reached for the flash cards. She was probably the only six-year-old who knew the names of all the bones in the human body. She’d been tested as gifted, and Gina wasn’t sure if it was because she included Amanda Jane in her studies as a means to double task spending time with her as well as test prep, or if it was because she was wired much like Gina herself.

Either way, it both warmed and broke her heart at the same time. She never wanted Amanda Jane to feel the way that she did growing up. She never wanted her to be the dirty kid who had to eat free lunch, who was the hope in teachers’ eyes. That someday, they knew she’d be the story they told to their class about how if Gina Townsend could do it, they could do it, too.

Reed’s financial support could change all of that.

She wouldn’t care what he thought of her, as long as Amanda Jane was taken care of.

But there was a secret part of her that wanted him to come back to Glory and realize that he’d always been in love with her and they’d get married, raise Amanda Jane together and live happily ever after.

Silly as it was.

Crystal was her mother, not Gina. And if Reed had ever had any feelings for her, he would’ve told her somehow. Acted on them in some way. She didn’t even know him anymore.

She had Amanda Jane. She was going to be a doctor. Nothing could stop her. Not her past, not her sister and definitely not Reed Hollingsworth.

Her cell rang and she saw that it was Emma.

A knot tightened in on itself in her gut. It had to be the meeting to discuss this whole insane idea of marriage.

“Hit me with it,” she said by way of greeting.

“What, no hello?”

“Come on, Emma.” Gina was sure if she had to wait another second, the anticipation might kill her. Whatever the answer here was, it would change her life.

“Reed and his lawyer want to meet today to talk about the judge’s suggestion. He’s offering so much more than we asked for and if we can hash this out together, you’ll be more likely to get what you want.”

“What do you mean?” That was when the knot tightened so hard she thought she was going to be sick. She knew somehow he was going to get his way or she was going to lose custody or something else awful. But she needed Emma to lay it out on the table for her.

“He’s agreed to the marriage. Coparenting, cohabitation... Because he’s being so generous, the judge will look more favorably on his requests. He’s got his lawyer setting up a trust for Amanda Jane and one for you—”

“I didn’t want a trust. I don’t want his money for myself. I can make my own.” She was horrified at the thought. Because she didn’t want his money for herself. She just wanted Amanda Jane to get what was hers. She just wanted her to be safe and secure. She didn’t need his money.

“You can. But he thinks that time would be better spent with Amanda Jane.”

“Excuse me, what?” She blinked.

“He wants you to quit both jobs and focus only on school and being a caregiver.”

Her first instinct was to rail against this. How dare he demand that of her? How dare he make the decision for her? He wasn’t a king on a golden throne. He didn’t get to dictate. But her reasons for fighting it would be simple pride. Deep down, she knew it would be better for her niece. But she couldn’t get past how much control that would give him. “And that leaves him holding the purse strings and us his puppets. He wants us totally dependent on him.”

That idea terrified her. She didn’t want anyone to have control over her. She had worked too long and too hard to pull herself up to suddenly throw herself on his mercy. To be legally and financially bound...

“I think that’s part of it, but you can’t deny it would be good for Amanda Jane.”

“I know that. But it won’t be good for me.”

“Won’t it?” Emma asked gently. “But he doesn’t need to know that. Just think about what it will mean to have an address on Knob Hill and his connections. How much faster you’ll get to medical school and the internships... Imagine what it will do for Amanda Jane. She’ll never be the kid no one wants to sit by, who gets picked last for teams, who has to rely on what she can scrape together for her lunch.”

Tears stung her eyes because that’s exactly what she feared it would be like for Amanda Jane, but she didn’t want to be dependent on Reed, either. What if he slipped back into old behaviors? What if he— She was afraid, not just of the possibility of him, but of herself.

What if she couldn’t handle raising Amanda Jane with him without falling for him? She was setting herself up for misery.

“Why don’t you think about it for a few hours? But we don’t have much time. Judge Gunderson wanted the prenup on her desk by next week.”

She thought about Reed again. The clash between them, but the pain underneath. “Let’s get it over with. Putting it off won’t make it any easier and frankly, with Crys gone and my lack of income, I’m afraid that he’ll take her away from me if we go to court.” She sighed. “At least this way, maybe I can get him to agree to some safeguards for my piece of mind.”

“I’ll tell Gray to come by my office at five. You be here now. Bring Amanda Jane with you and I’ll have Missy watch her.”

Missy was Emma’s secretary/assistant/friend who’d recently come through a horrible divorce from an even worse man and was trying to get back on her feet. She never felt as though she was doing enough to repay Emma for helping her, so she was always looking for extra duties and frequently offered to watch Amanda Jane. They were friends, and Missy never tried to correct Amanda Jane when she wanted her dolls to be firemen rather than beauty queens.

Gina agreed and hung up.

Then it hit her. This was happening. This was real.

That sounded so stupid when she stopped to think about it, but when she’d signed the paperwork to set all of this in motion, it had seemed like some diaphanous thing that wouldn’t have any more impact on her life than a changing breeze.

But it would.

It had.

She thought about him at that corner table in the Bullhorn. The restaurant she’d worked at since she was fourteen.

Gina remembered him coming in for scraps, hungry and tired. She’d snuck him the leftovers as best she could. Until the Old Man had caught her. Then she’d washed his car to pay for them. But that hadn’t mattered back then.

She smiled, thinking about how horrified Reed had been when he found out she’d had to pay for what he’d eaten and how he’d asked the Old Man for a job himself. And he’d done really well for about two years.

Until the drugs.

Her smile melted into a frown.

Gina wasn’t ready for this.

Amanda Jane looked up at her. “Gina-bee?”

She inhaled carefully, filling her lungs slowly, feeling them expand, and when she exhaled she tried to push all of her fear out with her breath. “You want to go visit Miss Emma?”

“Okay.” The girl cocked her head to the side. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m nervous.”

“About what?”

She didn’t want to tell her, but Gina didn’t really have a choice. Reed would want to see her. “About you meeting your daddy.”

Her eyes widened. “He wants to meet me?”

“I’m sure he will.”

“What if he doesn’t like me?” Her voice was suddenly as small as she was.

“Of course he’ll like you. What if you don’t like him?” Gina tapped her nose with the tip of her finger and Amanda Jane giggled. “Actually, I’m sure you’ll like each other fine.”

“What if we don’t?”

“What if you do?” She grinned. “Get ready. Bring your travel bag.”

Amanda Jane scurried off to do as Gina had told her. Sometimes Gina wished she could bottle that excess energy and borrow a little now and then. She yawned.

Soon, she wouldn’t have to work two jobs and go to school. She could just be with Amanda Jane and study.

The idea was so foreign...

And it wouldn’t just be with Amanda Jane, either.

It would be with Reed, as well.

She’d be his wife.

They’d been friends once, but she imagined this would be a cold marriage. One of separate rooms, separate lives.

This wasn’t at all what she’d imagined for herself. She thought someday, she’d find someone to love. Someone who’d love her.

She supposed she had that, only in a different way. She had Amanda Jane. This was about her, not Gina. She could do this for her.

CHAPTER FOUR

REED PANICKED.

Amanda Jane was his daughter.

What did he know about being a father? Nothing.

Reed had been so sure that when the paternity results came back before the hearing, it would solidify the foundations of his world, but instead, it had shattered them.

Not because he didn’t want Amanda Jane, but because he did. This was his secret hope and desire—part of it, anyway. Before things had gotten bad, he’d dreamed of a world where he had a family, a real family. Not just someone who got a check every month because she’d managed to bring him squalling into the world. Someone who loved him, wanted him for who he was.

But Gina wasn’t it. Maybe Amanda Jane was. Gina only wanted his money, and while he couldn’t blame her, it cut him. Because in his pretty fantasy world, Gina had been by his side.

His fingers curled into fists and he took a deep breath.

Why had he said he wanted to meet with Gina and her lawyer tonight?

Probably because he knew that he’d do this to himself. The sooner everything was set in stone, the harder it would be for him to screw it up.

He could do this.

He had to do this.

Reed changed into another suit and tie, the raiment almost like an armor. The expensive clothes shielded him from so many things, kept the boy who still feared he wasn’t good enough safe inside that money-green shell.

He met Gray in front of Emma’s office. A few kids sat on a park bench outside of the theater waiting for a ride, and the Corner Pharmacy’s light had just flickered off. Several couples filed out carrying to-go cups with their signature Green River—a soft drink much like a lime soda.

It was such a pretty veneer, this small town with its quaint bed-and-breakfasts, brick sidewalks and cheery Americana. He remembered how much he used to hate it. It had taken on some goliath proportions in his mind. He’d blamed the town itself for his predicament, as if it had been the town that had pushed him and his mother to the outside.

Not her own actions.

Or his.

Standing there, he realized that Gina had it just as bad as he had, but instead of letting that push her to the margins, she’d dug in her heels and made a place for herself.

A home.

He wanted that for himself and for Amanda Jane.

Reed exhaled heavily. He knew he’d do anything to have that, and to make sure Amanda Jane kept it.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, man.” Gray shook his head. “It’s like you were standing there lost in it.”

“I think maybe I was.”

“I can’t believe you grew up here.”

“Not in this part of town.” Reed managed a half smile.

“It must be cathartic to come back here and be able to buy the whole town if you chose.”

Reed considered. “I thought it would be, but it’s not. There’s something about Glory that can’t be bought. The people here, the town itself, has to give it to you.”

Gray arched a brow. “Yeah, I think I’ll stick with the big city, thanks.”

“Wait until you have some of the apple pie. You might change your mind,” Reed teased.

“Apple pie. That’s exactly what this place is like. Everywhere I look, it’s all wholesome sweetness. It doesn’t seem real.”

“It is and it isn’t.” Reed shrugged. “People here still have their problems. Everyone does. But they choose to insulate themselves with community.”

And that was what he’d hated most as a kid, that he was part of what they’d insulated themselves against. He took a deep breath, determined to get his head straight. He wasn’t that kid anymore and he wanted everyone to see it. Especially himself.

“You ready to go in or change your mind, Daddy-o?”

Reed shot him a dirty look, and Gray flashed him a smirk. He found comfort in that. While everything changed around him, Gray was still Gray. He still had Reed’s back. “I’m ready.”

He walked into the office and whatever he was expecting from Emma Grimes, this wasn’t it. The walls were all a dark, heavy blue, the furniture antique and cherry. The baseboards had been refinished to match. The tin tiles that had once been on the ceiling in this building had been replaced by a painted fresco, in the same dark colors. A night scene by the river and a woman in a ball gown. The ball gown seemed to meld into the river.

“Lovely, isn’t it?” Emma asked. “My assistant, Missy, painted it for me. If you’ll come this way.”

He noticed that while Emma was as pretty as she’d ever been, there was something delicate about her now. Something breakable. Maybe it was the way her short, pixie blond hair framed her face, or maybe it was the clothes she wore. Reed would bet it was all an act to lull her prey into submission.

He knew Emma would be a fierce opponent and from the way Gray watched her, it was obvious he knew it, too.

His gaze was drawn to Gina as soon as the door opened. She sat at a long table, her fingers clasped together, her knuckles white. She was as nervous as he was.

There was part of him that wanted to go to her, to embrace her and tell her that they’d figure this all out. That he didn’t want to hurt her and most of all, that she could trust him.

But he didn’t know if she could because he didn’t know if he could trust himself.

“Hi,” she said softly.

“Hi.”

Christ, it was as if they were in middle school and he was trying to hold her hand or something. But he guessed neither of them knew what to say.

Gray stepped in. “Thank you for agreeing to meet with us on such short notice. My client and I felt it would be best for everyone involved if we moved quickly.”

Reed sat down across from Gina and he was filled with so many questions, waves of different emotions.

“We did, as well.” Emma nodded. “We’ve considered your requests and we have some caveats of our own.”

“Being?” Gray raised a brow.

“My client is willing to marry, granted that she and the child each have their own room and—”

He didn’t hear the rest of what she said. Only that Gina was willing to marry him. It was a bittersweet feeling, until he heard “separate quarters and separate lives.” And then it was all pain. A sharp reminder that he’d never be anything more to her.

“There’s no way my client will or should have to agree to that. He’s an upstanding member of the business community and has a certain reputation to maintain.”

“Reputation? Everyone knows his backstory. It was in Finance Today. You can’t hide that now.”

“Hide it? We’re not trying to hide it. But it’s where he came from, not who he is now. That’s a hard no. We won’t negotiate on that.”

Emma smiled. “That’s fine. We’ve shown that we were willing to cooperate and now it’s you who won’t compromise. I expect a judge would hand down a ruling in our favor on this particular point.”

Gina had gone pale and her eyes were heavy and hooded. As if she knew this was going to be the sticking point.

“It’s fine,” he blurted.

“What?” Gray snapped.

“It’s fine. I’ll do it.”

“There is no way—”

“I said I’d do it, Gray. Move along.” He didn’t want to quantify his decision in front of everyone; it would be the same as admitting everything to them that he’d just admitted to himself.

“It seems my client is in a giving mood. What else do you want?”

“If you want Gina to quit her jobs, she needs a stipend that will cover her school and living expenses.”

“We already—”

“An account in only her name. Reed doesn’t get to control the purse strings.” Emma lifted her chin, daring him to argue that one.

Argue he did. “Why not? It’s his money.” Gray squared his jaw.

“And this is my client’s life,” Emma reminded them all.

“Fine. Whatever she wants,” Reed said, even though he hadn’t looked away from Gina and she had yet to look at him again.

“Reed!” Gray sounded like a scandalized maiden aunt. “I really have to advise against—” Gray sighed. “You do know you just wasted my retainer, right?”

“I don’t care. Give her whatever she wants.” His eyes raked over her as intense as any touch, though his fingers itched for a physical connection.

“Good. I have a revised version of the paperwork right here.” Emma rustled some papers.

“But I want you to look at me, Gina.” Reed had to see her eyes. She could never hide her feelings. They were always so obvious in her expression.

Gina swallowed hard and raised her head as if all the weight of the world bore down on her.

He could see her fear, her hesitation, the almost cruel hope that lurked there, so he knew she was feeling much the same as he was.

“Yes.” He nodded. “Whatever she needs to feel safe, for both her and Amanda Jane.” Reed knew it was a weakness, but he’d do anything to get that look off her face. To know that he didn’t cause the fear in her heart.

“Me?” A small face peered around the corner of the door. “Is it my turn to come in, Gina-bee?”

Reed almost choked on the strange knot in his throat. “You brought her?”

“What else was I going to do with her?” Gina said quietly. “I thought you’d be anxious to meet her.”

It was his turn to look away, to be unable to meet Gina’s eyes, or Amanda Jane’s. He’d seen his daughter from a distance at the Bullhorn, but the prospect hadn’t been expressly real.

Nothing had ever made him feel as unworthy as he did in that very moment—and that was really saying something. Reed was reminded every day with a certain clarity that he didn’t deserve all the things he had, and that he didn’t belong.

But there was such a purity in a child’s eyes...specifically her eyes, that he couldn’t stand to be the one to break it.

Gina took pity on him. “No, Amanda Jane. It’s not your turn.”

“But I’ll be good.” Her little voice was full of hope.

“Yes, you’re always very good. So you can stay up very late tonight and then it will be your turn.”

The door clicked shut softly.

“Even if you’re not ready to meet her, she’s ready to meet you. You can meet us at the house tonight. Seven Sisters Road off Highway 5. Only house on the block.”

The part of him that was still a child himself wanted to run. He could just write her a check and he’d never have to face the scorching hope in that child’s face again. That was all she wanted from him, anyway.

For one horrible moment, he wondered what it would be like to have one moment of relief from this pain. Numbing this terror. He knew just what would do that for him, but he pushed it out of his head. He was afraid, but he didn’t want the numbness, not really. He just didn’t want to feel unworthy and he wouldn’t give those feelings validation by making them true, by making himself unworthy.

He wasn’t a boy. He wasn’t a child. He was a man. He’d reached for what he wanted with both hands and he’d gotten it. Now it was his job to protect it.

He nodded. “Thank you, Gina.”

She picked up the pen and with a heavy exhale, she scrawled her name and walked out of the room.

When he picked up the pen, it was still warm from her touch. He signed his name next to hers and with every stroke of ink on the page, he felt more confident about his decision.