Finding Glory

CHAPTER FIVE

“ARE YOU READY to get married yet?” Grams said into the phone when she answered it.

“No.” She didn’t bother to tell her grandmother about the meeting at Emma’s office. She probably already knew.

“That’s not what Marie Hart said. She told me that she saw you and Reed and his lawyer at Emma’s. Were you playing pinochle or planning your wedding?” Her grandmother seemed to think pinochle figured into everything.

She sighed with only the smallest bit of exasperation. “If you already knew, why did you ask?”

“Because you didn’t call me. Why don’t you bring Amanda Jane over and we’ll watch some movies, have popcorn, and maybe I’ll even bake cookies.”

“Reed’s coming over tonight.”

“Oh! Call me later.” Her grandmother hung up before she could say anything else.

She shook her head. Maudine had her cell phone attached to her head just like any teenager. Sometimes Gina felt as if she was the old woman and Maudine the grandchild, but only in the vaguest sense.

Gina suddenly had a craving for that ribbon candy. It reminded her of being a child, when things were good. When they were easy.

It had been strange to be sitting across from Reed in a conference room in Emma Grimes’s office.

Strange wasn’t the right word. Utterly insane might be a better description.

He’d switched faces again so easily it was hard to tell which one was real. The Reed who sat in front of her was the investment genius who got everything he wanted no matter who he had to crush to get it. This suit he wore looked like it cost more than a semester of her tuition. And he wanted her to know it.

She didn’t want to look at him like this, but she knew she should be grateful for the reminder. He could never be just Reed again.

Gina thought he’d been there to crush her, to take everything from her, but instead, he’d only given. He’d agreed to everything she wanted. His shark lawyer could’ve made this so hard, but it seemed like all he wanted was exactly what he said—to be a good parent. Giving her and Amanda Jane safety and security.

That wasn’t something she’d ever felt as though she had, so she didn’t quite know what to do with it. She wondered if he felt the same way or if he’d taken to his new life without ever looking back? She imagined the latter. She had to say if she was in his shoes, she’d do the same. She knew she was lucky to have had Maudine.

God, why had she invited him out to the house?

He’d be here any minute.

What was she thinking?

Well, besides that this was going to crash and burn? She sighed. This was the right thing to do. Not just for the financial support, but so that Amanda Jane never doubted she was loved, or that there were people in the world who wanted her. Who would keep her safe.

Gina took a deep breath. This was going to be her life. She might as well start getting used to it.

“Gina, my braids are too tight.” Amanda Jane squirmed underneath her hand.

“Sorry.” She loosened the length of woven hair. “He’s going to be here soon. And I know you won’t sit still then. Your hair won’t tangle if we do it before you sleep.”

“I like his face,” she said solemnly.

That was good because she looked just like him. Gina smiled at her. “Go on now.”

“I think you like his face, too. You get this funny expression when you look at him.”

She’d have to be more careful. “I do like his face.” Gina liked a lot more than his face. “We were friends a long time ago before you were born.”

“Do you think it’s true that he just didn’t want to be a daddy?” Amanda Jane cast her eyes down at her bare feet and wiggled her toes.

Gina didn’t want to lie to her, but she didn’t know the truth. “I don’t know, honey. But I can tell you that sometimes people make mistakes and we have to forgive them when they’re really sorry.”

“Do you think he likes my face?” Amanda Jane tilted her head up.

“How could anyone not like your face?”

She smiled. “You’re supposed to say that.”

“Yes, I am. But do you remember when I promised I’d always tell you the truth?”

“Even if I was ugly like Liza McCaully?”

Gina had to put her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. “That’s not nice.”

“It’s not nice, but it’s true.” Amanda Jane nodded, her face serious.

“You can speak the truth without being mean, but yes, I would tell you the truth.”

Amanda Jane stuffed her feet into her slippers. “Okay, but now it’s time for you to get ready.”

“I am ready.”

Amanda Jane shook her head. “Your jeans have a hole.” She stuck her finger in the hole and tickled Gina’s knee.

Gina squealed and grabbed her niece, tickling her in return. Amanda Jane giggled while she struggled to free herself.

“Did you brush your teeth?”

She nodded. “Did you brush yours?”

Gina found the tension draining out of her. “It’s not my bedtime yet.”

“No, but we should be pretty. You always told me when we meet new people we should smell good.”

“I’m brushing everything. Hair. Teeth.” She puckered her lips. “Mustache.”

Amanda Jane giggled. “Eww. Girls don’t have mustaches.”

“Some do, but that’s what laser hair removal is for.”

Amanda Jane nodded sagely as if she were the one handing out the advice.

Gina was brushing her hair when the screen door rattled against the framing under a heavy knock.

Amanda Jane squealed and her blue eyes lit up. “He’s here.”

Her heart ached for her. This was all so bittersweet.

Reed stood haloed in the yellow light as it cast bright warmth over the hard planes of his features. Her eyes were drawn to the square angles of his wide shoulders and the way the sleeves of his polo shirt stretched over his biceps.

Gina tried not to notice everything about him that turned her on because he wasn’t here for her. None of this was about her.

Even though her mouth had gone dry and the words she had died in her throat.

“Hey.”

It was such a simple word. He’d said it to her a million times, but this time it was devastating. Both because it was a reminder of times past and while it was spoken in his voice, her attention was once again drawn back to his body.

That and time had made him a stranger.

“Hey, yourself.” Also something she’d said a million times. It was strange and awkward.

“Come in? Apparently I need to change clothes. I have a hole in my jeans,” she babbled.

Ugh. She hated babbling. Men didn’t make her babble. She didn’t have time or room in her life to be a silly girl over any guy, especially not Amanda Jane’s father. Gina decided polo shirts were the devil. It was the shirt’s fault.

He nodded and stepped inside.

Amanda Jane tilted her head back to look up at him. He must seem like a giant to her.

That twisted something deep in her guts. That’s what a father should be. Every child should think that their father was some kind of invincible hero. She used to daydream about her own when she was little. Gina imagined him to be tall and strong and that her mother had somehow hidden them from him; that’s why he hadn’t come to rescue them.

But as she’d grown older, she’d realized it was just a fairy tale like any other and had no place in the realities of her life.

Inside, his presence was even more disconcerting. She hadn’t noticed it at the restaurant or in Emma’s office because it was filled with other people, but alone together, he dominated the space. He made her feel small and vulnerable without even trying.

Unfortunately, she was both intrigued and uncomfortable. It would all be so much easier to bear if she could get away from the intrigued part.

They eyed each other, both seeming to be wary, but unsure how to proceed.

“Hi.” Amanda Jane made her presence known.

Reed smiled at her, a genuine expression that completely changed his face. He wasn’t just the cute boy she’d crushed on. She was very aware that he was a man—a handsome, powerful man.

Not that it mattered. She tried to push her brain into EMT mode—where she looked at bodies clinically. Yet, there was still nothing clinical about her reaction to him.

“Gina-bee said you’re my daddy.”

Gina waited to see what he would say.

He nodded. “I am. Is that okay?”

“I think so. I like your face,” Amanda Jane confessed without the slightest bit of hesitation.

He sank down to his haunches, eye level with her. “I like your face, too.”

Gina was suddenly hyperaware of the house, the shabby state of things. She looked around the small farmhouse. She’d been happy here, but now that he was coming, Gina found it lacking. She saw every flaw in the molding, the tears in the screen on the front porch, the dilapidated fence posts, the scratches on the wood floors...

But this was also where Amanda Jane learned to crawl, the front yard was where she made mud pies, and those tears in the screens were from the feral cats she always left food and water for.

Even though it was a rental, so much of their lives were entwined in the place and if Reed didn’t like it, she didn’t care.

He came from worse than this and she wouldn’t dare let him judge her.

More important, she wouldn’t judge herself.

“Gina-bee said you would.”

“She knows me pretty well sometimes.”

Amanda Jane nodded solemnly. “She knows most everything.”

Gina blushed. “Not everything.”

Reed looked up at her. “Probably everything.”

Amanda Jane yawned. “You should have come earlier. Then you could read me a story.”

“I could read you one now,” he offered.

“Oh, no. I’ll get too excited and I won’t sleep. Story before bath. You could come tomorrow.” Amanda Jane looked down at her toes. “If you wanted to.”

Gina sighed. “I thought tomorrow was our day.”

“Please?”

“Honey, he might be busy. We’ll see, okay?” Gina didn’t want her to get her hopes up, didn’t want her to get too excited about something that might not happen.

Amanda Jane looked up at him and mouthed Frogfest.

Frogfest dated back to the first settlers in the area when masses of frogs would converge on the riverbank and low marshy areas around the river to mate and they’d sing a lively tune long into the night. If times had been lean, the frogs provided much needed sustenance during hardship. Although, the modern celebrations didn’t include as many frog dishes, but for the occasional vendors selling deep-fried frog legs.

Gina found herself inviting him along. She couldn’t resist the absolute joy on the girl’s face and they needed to get used to each other—Amanda Jane and Reed. It wouldn’t work if they were just suddenly flung into the same household.

“You could come.”

“I’d like that.”

They’d be playing happy little family. She wondered if there’d ever been a bigger lie.

“Good night,” the little girl chirped.

“Where are you going? I thought you wanted to stay up to meet him?” Gina asked, wondering if there was something wrong.

“The sooner I go to bed, the sooner it’s tomorrow. Frogfest. Funnel cake.”

“Funnel cake with frogs?” Reed teased her.

“That doesn’t sound good.”

“I don’t think so, either.” He shook his head.

“You should have tea on the porch. It’s my favorite thing to do at night.”

“You could come outside with us.”

“No. Frogfest,” she reiterated, as if he and Gina didn’t understand the importance of the word. “Can I have your phone to play a game before sleep?”

“Sure, honey.”

She ran off, taking Gina’s phone with her, presumably to bed.

“She doesn’t hesitate to ask for what she wants, does she?” Reed said as he watched after her.

“Emotionally, she doesn’t.” Having gone without as a child and been afraid to ask for anything, she didn’t want Amanda Jane to ever feel that way. She thought about her earlier observations, but she decided she didn’t need to drive the financial point home any harder. He got it. He understood. And he’d given her everything she asked for.

“That’s good.” Reed’s voice was brittle.

She swallowed hard. “Do you want a sweet tea? We can drink it on the porch.”

“Sure,” he agreed.

Gina poured him a glass of tea and they stepped back out into the night. She lit a citronella candle, happy to have something to do with her hands.

He seemed so out of place sitting there in her secondhand rocking chair in his khakis, his polo shirt and his expensive haircut.

She looked back out into the yard, the symphony song of frogs down by the pond serenading them and the flickering dance of fireflies in the dark space.

“You remember when we’d climb up on the roof of my mom’s trailer and hide?” he said, finally.

“Like they couldn’t hear us stomping around up there.”

“Or didn’t care.” Reed shrugged. “Still, those were the only moments of peace I knew then.”

“Do remember that trip to the Lake of the Ozarks?” Gina blurted.

Reed gave a self-deprecating laugh. “Yeah. That guy who had that houseboat...he was one guy my mother hooked up with who wasn’t a total scumbag. Too bad she was so far gone when she met him. Things might have been different. It’s kind of strange to know that she’s that woman for him, you know?”

“Like how all the guys besides him were that guy for you? The ones you thought were trash?”

She watched his face pale.

“I didn’t mean—”

He held up his hand. “No, it’s okay. I loved my mother, but that’s what we were.” He shrugged. “She managed to hold it together long enough to reel him in, but then when he saw what was underneath, he didn’t want any part of it. But who in their right mind would?”

“Still, it was a good trip, wasn’t it?”

“One of the best times in my life. One of the only good times I can remember.”

“I know it was for Crystal, too.” She hadn’t meant to bring up her sister. Gina wasn’t ready to talk about her, even though she knew at some point, they’d have to.

“What about you? Was it a good time for you, too?”

“I thought it was kind of a trick when we were invited along. It was one of the last good times my mother had, too. Even though I know we were just invited to keep you out of her hair, I’ll always be grateful for that trip.”

“You’re talking about everyone else but you, Gina. Is that what it’s like for you still? Always thinking of everyone else?”

His question was so pointed that it was sharp. She didn’t want to think about that; she didn’t want to be any more vulnerable than she already was. But either choice here left her open to his blades. She remembered the last night out on the water.

“It was one of the best for me, too. That’s why I brought it up.” She exhaled heavily and took a sip of her tea, the sweet tang of it on her tongue making the memory even more vivid.

“The sweet tea,” he said as soon as she thought it. Like he knew what she was thinking. “You made a jar of it. That last night, when we were lying on the deck listening to the loons.”

“Trying to see the stars but it was too cloudy.” She remembered thinking that maybe that night was the one. The one where he’d realize she was alive. That she was a woman.

That he wanted her.

“Talking about how it would be to stay there forever?”

She sighed at the memory. “Yeah. We thought that was some kind of huge dream to have a houseboat there. Or even a little cabin. It was our own nirvana, you and me.”

“Crystal always wanted the big city. She wanted lights and people. She wanted the rush, and all we could talk about was sweet tea and fireflies.”

“That made her so mad.”

“So mad she spent the night with one of the local boys. Your mother was so mad at her that we left an hour late because she wasn’t home yet.”

“I was okay with it. I wanted to stay as long as was humanly possible.” Gina laughed at herself.

“I thought my world was going to change that night. I thought we were finally through the dark,” he confessed, looking out into the darkness rather than at her.

She thought that for herself as well, but it hadn’t happened. “I’m sorry it didn’t.”

“I used to be sorry. But if it had, I don’t know where I’d be. I like who I am now.”

She exhaled. “Can I be honest?”

“That’s preferred,” he said drily.

Walking down memory lane with him was bittersweet, but it wasn’t the past she was worried about. It was their future together. Gina decided to be honest. “I’m glad you like who you are now, but that’s someone I don’t think I know. I’m not sure what to do here.”

“Me, either.” The air between them hung heavy and strange. He took the plunge first. “So today didn’t go as I’d imagined it.”

“And how did you imagine it?” She wondered if he’d ever had the same thoughts about her as she did about him, but then she dismissed the idea before it could take root. Before it could make this any more awkward than it already was.

“I don’t know. But not as it went.” A genuine grin curled at the edge of his mouth.

It’d be hard to deny him anything with him flashing that grin around. That was a glimpse of the boy she’d known and it was even more endearing on the man he’d become.

“I wasn’t trying to keep you from her.” That was as close to a peace offering as she could manage.

“Deep down, I know that.” He didn’t speak for a long moment and the creaking of the rocking chair against the floorboards echoed with all the force of a gunshot. “But you still have to meet me halfway.”

She was torn between being glad he was willing to do that and angry that he could just decide to buy a house because he felt like it and she was working two jobs and going to school trying to raise his daughter.

Worse, if she lived in the same house with him, married to him, how would she hide her attraction to him?

Gina had to remind herself that this wasn’t about her. It was about what was best for Amanda Jane. It had never been hard to do things for her. There had never been any question that she’d take her discharge from the army when her two years was up, knowing that Amanda Jane needed her. She knew that would make it harder to go to medical school. Harder to do everything, but it had been no sacrifice.

Living under the same roof with Reed Hollingsworth? Torture.

“I don’t know. We may not have the best life, but I like this house. I love that she can run and play here. I like that I can point to a place in the backyard and say that’s where she smelled her first flower.”

“But this isn’t yours. Not really. Wouldn’t you rather live somewhere that will one day belong to her? Where she can look at a chair in the corner and say that’s where Gina-bee used to read me stories. This is where my dad taught me to ride a bike. God, Gina. If we do this right, we can give her everything that we never had.”

All of her protestations died on her tongue. She’d been about to defend herself, the home she’d provided for Amanda Jane, but she realized he wasn’t saying it wasn’t good enough. He was saying they could do even better together. He didn’t say “I can give her...” he’d said we.

He had this way of speaking that made her imagine picket fences, family picnics and happily-ever-after. She had to keep herself grounded. There was no relationship between them. He just wanted a chance to raise his daughter.

She hurried to add, “I just don’t see how this will work.”

“I’m not under any illusion that this will be easy. There will be a lot of compromise for both of us.”

“I’ll be honest, I’m terrified of moving in with you. I’m terrified that you’ll try to control us with the money. I’m terrified...” She didn’t say the rest of what she was feeling. It was too much.

“I’m terrified, too,” he confessed.

That was when his warm, strong fingers closed around hers.

“But everything is going to be okay, Gina.”

This wasn’t exactly what she’d pictured when she imagined one day holding hands with Reed Hollingsworth, but it wasn’t bad. Maybe it was better than what she thought she wanted.

The gesture was meant to comfort her, reassure her.

And strangely, it did. She’d felt so alone while going through this, and realizing that he had doubts and fears didn’t make her position less secure, but more. To her, it meant that he’d thought about the realities of their situation, but he still wanted to try.

He believed he knew what he was in for.

She held his hand in silence for a long time into the quiet night.

CHAPTER SIX

“AMANDA JANE TEXTED to tell me that Operation Frogfest is a go.” Maudine Townsend put her phone down next to her stack of poker chips.

“Frankly, Maudy, I’m surprised.” Helga pushed her chips around. “You know, if this little plot of yours doesn’t work, we’re going to have to give up our Friday nights. At least until after the case.”

“You know, I’m actually surprised that Reed’s lawyer didn’t ask for another judge.”

Helga shrugged. “He probably figures that you know everyone.”

“Or he’s plotting something.” Maudine’s eyes narrowed further.

“Not everyone’s brain works like yours, Maudy.”

“Yes, it does. Don’t tell me you’re not curious.”

“Actually, I think since we’re here, we could work on Marie. She’s too young to be a Glory Grandmother.”

“She’s very good at what she does. Her tiramisu is to die for. And that cute little bed-and-breakfast for romantic hideaways? It’s perfect. She has a sense about people who belong together.”

“She does,” Helga agreed. “But her husband has been dead a long time. Her son, Johnny, is grown and Marie is too young to spend the rest of her life alone.”

“Maybe she doesn’t want to be with anyone else. After mine died, well...I’m done with that.”

“Marie is only forty-five. It’s too young to dry up and be the cranky old Italian grandmother. All of her friends are...us.”

“There’s nothing wrong with us.”

“Except that we’re sitting in my basement, drinking Herb’s beer and playing poker. But we lie and tell everyone we’re playing pinochle and sipping tea like the old broads we are.”

Maudine sniffed. “I am not an old broad.”

“You most certainly are. But it’s okay. We play cupid rather well.” Helga shifted her cards.