Baby in a Million
Greg had intimated Cord was deeply depressed. She was starting to realize what he’d meant.
“Not according to Greg,” she interjected. “He seems to believe you’re in real trouble.”
“He’s exaggerating.”
“I don’t think so. Let me know when you’re back in City Creek Hospital and I’ll be there.”
“No, thanks. Your sacrifice isn’t required, certainly not this close to the divorce. I should never have called you. I’ll work on my problem in my own way.”
Ashley felt a stabbing pain in her heart. He sounded like he was giving up. She couldn’t let this go, no matter the situation with Sheila.
“I—I’m afraid it’s not just your problem any more.”
Another long silence ensued. “What in the hell do you mean by that?”
At least she’d roused him out of his morose state for a moment. “All will be explained when we see each other Monday morning. I’ll be there early.”
Without giving him a chance to respond, she quietly put the receiver back on the hook. Only now was it hitting her what she’d done.
Because she had agreed to meet him at the hospital, he would find out she was practically ready to deliver their child.
Not only would he be hurt and angry that she hadn’t told him, he’d be in shock. According to the tests, their pregnancy had to have made medical history.
She had a premonition that once he found out, everything would grow more complicated and the divorce would be prolonged. But she’d taken the risk and couldn’t go back on her word now. Not if something was really wrong with Cord, and she firmly believed there was.
Without wasting another moment, she called the Bromwell family to arrange for someone else to come in to watch after their mother.
On Saturday, when Mrs. Bromwell’s oldest daughter came over to the apartment with the new person hired, Ashley went shopping for some new maternity clothes. She couldn’t spend much money, but she needed a few decent outfits to wear to the hospital. In the end, she bought several pairs of tailored cotton pants and artist’s smock tops in a flowered print, plus a couple of dresses.
At five after six Monday morning, Ashley stepped through the doors of the hospital and walked over to the main desk. “I’m Mrs. McKnight. Has my husband, Cord McKnight, checked in yet?”
The receptionist typed in something on the keyboard and scanned the screen. “Yes. He’s here. Room 521-C. Take the east elevators to the fifth floor, then turn right and report to the nursing station. They’ll direct you from there.”
“Thank you,” she murmured with a sigh of relief. All weekend she’d worried that Cord wouldn’t show up after all.
With trepidation and a heart that was hammering out of control, Ashley headed for her destination. By the time she entered the elevator with her suitcase and sewing bag, she felt jittery and uncertain.
In the last eight months she’d become a different person physically. Though more slender than ever in body and limb, she was pregnant enough to look like she could have her baby anytime now.
Many women with their first pregnancy didn’t show as much as she did, but that was probably because she was five feet four and there was no room for her baby to grow but out. No wonder Greg had commented on how much she’d blossomed when she’d visited him on Friday.
As she made her way down the hall, she wondered if Cord would even recognize her, especially with her short hair. Friends and acquaintances who’d known her when it had been long said they liked it both ways. But they thought the pixie style showed off the smooth oval of her face and brought out her slightly almond-shaped eyes which were a mixture of blue and green. Cord had always remarked on how they shimmered between her dark lashes whenever she was in the throes of deep emotion.
She’d debated over wearing her wedding rings, but at the last minute decided she’d better keep them on. She and Cord were still married in the eyes of the law, and she had an idea Cord wouldn’t like it if she didn’t show up with them. Better not upset him any more than necessary. Her appearance would be shocking enough and she needed to make the most of it.
After changing her mind several times, she finally chose to wear the new Indian madras style in a shimmery turquoise shot with gold threads. The filmy dress with sleeves to the elbow, fell straight from the shoulders to the gold embroidered hem. Gold earrings and neutral leather sandals with a low wedge for walking comfort completed her outfit.
The last thing she wanted to do was embarrass Cord whose tall, rugged good looks turned female heads wherever he went. Possessing a physically powerful, hard-muscled physique with dark hair and eyes as dark as blue as cobalt, the attention he drew was a phenomenon Ashley had been forced to accept early in their relationship or jealousy would have torn her apart.
The only reason she could handle it was because he was oblivious to the stir that always surrounded him. The opposite of a vain man, he never thought of himself. Until Sheila, he’d never given Ashley any reason to think another woman filled his eyes or his thoughts.
Because from day one he’d made Ashley believe that she was his whole world, it was like a ghastly, sickening nightmare when she saw what was happening between him and his own stepmother.
Stop it, Ashley. The past no longer matters. You’re here for Cord’s welfare. Put everything else out of your mind or you’ll go mad...
Taking several deep breaths to calm down, she approached the nursing station. “Hello—Could you tell me where 521-C is?”
“Go down the first hall you see on your right and pass through the double doors. You can’t miss it.”
Ashley muttered her thanks, picked up the suitcase and sewing bag which seemed to have grown heavier, and started off. As she rounded the corner, she saw a tall, dark-haired man coming through the doors halfway down the hall. Even from this distance he looked instantly familiar.
Cord.
All the air seemed to leave her trembling body. She could tell it was her husband by the way he carried himself, those long swift strides which were headed in her direction.
She hadn’t had any sleep for the last two nights planning what she’d say to him when they first met again after all these months. But she didn’t need to worry because he swept right past her, intent on reaching the main hallway.
Had she changed so much?
Staggered that he didn’t recognize her, she turned around to go after him, then froze in place because he suddenly swung on his heel and stared back at her in total disbelief.
They couldn’t be more than six feet apart, yet it was close enough for her to watch the blood drain out of his face. He looked so gaunt, she thought he might faint. Because he was wearing the familiar pewter-gray business suit with the paisley silk tie she liked so much, she could tell he’d lost weight.
He looked ill.
“Hello, Cord.” She managed to find her voice at last.
He drew closer, his intense gaze taking in her face and hair before inspecting every square inch of her pregnant body with eyes as frigid and dark as the Arctic. As each second ticked by, she saw the tightening of his chiseled features, the way his body went rigid and his hands formed into fists at his sides.
A shadow passed over his face. “Who’s the father?” he bit out with unconcealed fury.
CHAPTER TWO
ASHLEY shouldn’t have been surprised by the question, but somehow she had expected any response, any comment, any question but that one. Her fidelity to him was not in question here! But incredibly it seemed that her husband believed someone else had fathered their child.
She supposed he could be forgiven for coming to that conclusion. But at the same time, did he honestly believe she could sleep with another man while she was still married to him?
What an amazing irony. She could have laughed out loud if she hadn’t felt like sobbing.
“Can we talk about this in private?” she whispered because people were walking in the hallways from both directions. Right now his mood was too volatile to trust in the company of others.
Like an automaton, he picked up the bag and suitcase, then grasped her elbow in an almost painful grip. Before she knew how it had happened, he’d ushered them down another hallway to an open housekeeping storeroom.
“Cord—we can’t come in here!” she cried softly.
“We just did.”
He turned on a light and slammed the door, barring any hope of a quick exit with his unquestionably masculine frame.
She hadn’t been this close to him for so long, she forgot how susceptible she was to his potent male appeal, the scent of the soap he used in the shower, the warmth of his hard body electrifying hers.
Strong hands reached out and covered her shoulders, forcing her closer, but her swollen belly prevented a merging of their bodies.
“Look at me,” he demanded in a deceptively quiet voice.
Afraid to do otherwise, she lifted her head and met his piercing glance.
“Tell me who he is, Ashley.” His voice grated.
She tried swallowing, but it was impossible. “I’m surprised you have to ask.”
A glint of pain flashed in the depths of his eyes. “It’s Greg’s baby, isn’t it?” came the tortured utterance.
“Greg?” she blurted incredulously.
The hands on her shoulders bit in to her skin. “He’s always been crazy about you. It’s the reason he hired you to work for him after we found out I couldn’t give you a baby. It’s the reason he’s been so damn loyal to you. Good Lord—To think my wife and my best friend could get involved—” he ground out. His haunted tone devastated her.
Right now would be the perfect time to throw Sheila in his face and make him realize what their affair had done to her, Ashley. But she couldn’t.
“Please, Cord. Your hands—You don’t know your own strength.” In his pain, he had unconsciously gripped her too hard.
When her entreaty got through to him, he let go of her, looking like the lone survivor of a horrendous battle.
Taking a deep draft of air she began to explain. “The night before I left the house, y-you came to my room, and you know what happened. Within a few weeks, I had all the signs of flu and went to see Dr. Noble.
“He ran a lot of tests, but everything came back normal. He joked with me that my symptoms sounded like morning sickness, then asked me when was the last time that you and I had slept together.”
The whole time she was talking, Cord seemed to be looking straight through to her soul.
“One thing led to another and he decided to do a pregnancy test on me. He said stranger things had happened, that once in a while an infertile couple defied all the odds.
“When the first test came back saying I was pregnant, he did two more tests to be absolutely certain, then told me we’d made medical history.”
Her proud chin lifted a little higher. “It’s your baby, Cord. No one else’s.” Her voice throbbed.
A stillness came over him that pervaded the entire storeroom.
Like trick photography, his expression underwent a total transformation. Frame by frame she watched as if new life had just been breathed into his body. His well-defined chest heaved from the force of a dozen new emotions exploding inside him, needing expression.
Ashley could feel them because her body was undergoing a similar reaction. She’d lived with this secret knowledge too long, holding back for the moment when they were divorced and she was ready to tell him.
But circumstances had dictated that she tell him sooner, and now her husband knew the truth. With this knowledge, she realized everything was about to change...
“I presume you were going to tell me after the fact,” came the acid comment.
A fresh wave of guilt swept over her. “I—I thought it best to keep it to myself so our divorce would go through quickly. Sheila intimated that the two of you were anxious to—”
“Sheila be damned!” he interrupted cruelly. “You knew how much I’ve always wanted to have a baby, and you kept it from me. Good Lord, Ashley—”
Her heart almost failed her. “But, Cord—Sheila said—”
“I don’t ever want to hear her name mentioned again,” he bit out with barely controlled rage. “When is our child due?”
“May thirtieth, four weeks from now.”
“The day before my birthday,” he murmured in wonder, as if to himself. “Have you had an ultrasound?” he asked unexpectedly.
“Yes. As far as the doctor can tell, the baby is perfect and it’s a good size.”
She saw a little nerve throb along his forceful jaw, evidence of the emotion he was experiencing.
“Are we having a boy or a girl?”
Ashley averted her eyes. “I don’t know.”
“Why not?” he fired back.
“I—I decided I wanted to be surprised, so I asked the doctor not to tell me. All I care about is that it’s normal.”
“It appears that if I hadn’t called you, I wouldn’t have known about our child until after it was born,” he murmured, sounding far away. “What really made you come?”
It was hard to look anywhere except at him. “Greg said—” She paused, afraid to reveal too much. Talking about his best friend was like treading on sacred ground. She didn’t know exactly what she should say.
“Tell me!”
She shook her head. “He was worried about you, that’s all.”
His eyes flickered dangerously. “He always did have a lot of influence over you.”
It was on the tip of her tongue to remind him that Sheila had only to call him—ostensibly about a business problem—no matter what hour of the night, and he would leave Ashley in bed to take care of it.
But bringing up his stepmother’s name at such a precarious moment as this could only exacerbate the tension between them.
To her shock, she felt his hand run through her hair, feeling the silky strands. She had to stifle a moan. “I like it,” he whispered. “There’s a lot of natural curl. I would imagine our baby will look just like you.”
Don’t touch me. Please don’t touch me.
“Ashley—” he began, sounding more emotional than angry. But the door flew open and one of the ladies in housekeeping cried out to discover the two of them inside.
“Sorry.” He grinned at the woman while escorting Ashley from the closet with a possessive arm around the back of her waist. “I had this irresistible urge to kiss my wife who’s about to become a mother, and I didn’t want an audience.”
The woman tittered, obviously amused and charmed by him. “You can stay in there all day for all I care. Just let me put this waxer away.”
Anyone else might have made the woman suspicious enough to call security, but Cord had a way with people that was fascinating to watch.
He brushed Ashley’s flushed cheek with the back of his hand, sending a shiver of forgotten delight through her body. Eyeing her face through narrowed eyes he said, “I think maybe it was time we came out for air.”
The custodian chuckled and waved them on, then went about her work. Ashley, still dizzy from the sensations his touch had aroused, walked unsteadily at his side, her wedges making a clicking sound on the linoleum as he opened the door for her so they could enter the floor where he’d been admitted.
As they neared the nursing station, a sixtyish-looking man in a lab coat looked up, then smiled at Cord. “It looks like you found your wife.”
“I did. Ashley, this is Dr. Drake, the head of the clinic.”
She said something appropriate and shook the doctor’s hand, but the word “clinic” sent a shudder through her body. “W-what kind of clinic are you referring to?” she stammered. Cancer? Or something equally serious?
The doctor frowned in puzzlement. “Our couples program.”
Couples?
“She just got here so we haven’t had a chance to discuss anything yet,” Cord explained, but Ashley could scarcely concentrate because she was still reacting to the doctor’s comment.
She shook her head in bewilderment. “What program?”
Dr. Drake’s attention switched to Cord. “I thought you explained things to her when you were in here on Friday.”
Ashley swallowed hard. “I—I’m afraid I didn’t give him an opportunity. We’re getting a divorce and there’s been virtually no contact.”
“Yes. Your husband confided as much to me. Mrs. McKnight? Can I assume you’re here because you want to help your husband?”
After a moment’s pause she murmured, “Yes.”
“All right then. As you’re aware, every year in our country we declare a day of no smoking.”
Smoking?
She couldn’t imagine what he was getting at.
“Those trying to quit the habit abstain from cigarettes for twenty-four hours. In conjunction with that effort, we piloted a special program at City Creek ten years ago called the Great Salt Lake Smokeout.”
Ashley had heard of it.
“It was so successful, we’ve done it every year since. Six couples, where one or both have a smoking problem, voluntarily sign up on a first-come, first-serve basis, and stay together in a special clinic for a week free of charge. We provide intensive counseling and therapy to help them break the habit.”
Her mind was spinning. “Dr. Drake? Neither of us smokes!”
“Your husband had the habit in college, but he got off it when he went to work as a park ranger.”
Ashley was dumbfounded. Cord had never told her that...
“Since your separation, he’s taken it up again and wants desperately to quit, thus the reason he came to us. His case is one of several kinds we’re looking for because he wasn’t a smoker all his life.
“We believe this latest addiction is an outward sign of emotional stress and deep-seated problems possibly relating as far back as childhood. Problems he hasn’t yet come to terms with.
“We’ve learned it’s easier if the partner in the marriage goes through the counseling, as well, in order to help their spouse and/or themselves. Through a team effort, the prognosis for quitting altogether is excellent because many problems and side issues are aired with positive results.
“In your particular situation, facing a traumatic divorce has obviously triggered his need to begin smoking again, so you’re the one he would require to be on hand to help him learn more about himself and dig deep for answers.
“You certainly don’t have to agree to this. It would take an exceptionally strong person to revisit the scene of the crime so to speak and place yourself in a vulner able position once more.”
Ashley moaned because his comments pierced the very core of her turmoil.
“In fact in ten years, I only know of one other couple on the verge of divorce who entered together, and they left the program early. For them, it didn’t work. But Mr. McKnight seems anxious to try.
“Today is our kickoff. I’m giving a lecture in the auditorium in five minutes. If you’re interested in helping your husband, talk to him and let me know what you decide by the end of the hour. If you decide not to go through with the program, I’ll need to give your place to the next couple on the list.”
While her thoughts reeled, he patted Cord’s shoulder, then walked down the corridor.
Stunned by the news that Cord was a smoker, she stood there in a daze. “When I married you, I thought I knew everything about you, but it’s evident I only scratched the surface. All weekend I assumed that you must be dying of a terminal illness and Greg was afraid to tell me.
“Instead—I discover you’re here because of a smoking problem! It’s too absurd.” An angry laugh escaped.
“It’s serious to me,” Cord said in a quiet voice. “Even more so now that I’ve found out you’re pregnant.”
Ashley didn’t have a comeback for that. During the last six months of their broken marriage she had no idea what he did apart from her because they spent so little time together. He and Sheila, along with several subordinates, ran the administrative end of the lucrative McKnight potato chip company. The various plants located in northern Utah and Idaho had produced a phenomenal business for three generations and it was still growing to meet the demand.
Sheila smoked a lot. Ashley could always tell when Cord had been with her because he came home from the office with telltale signs of tobacco clinging to his clothes. Under those circumstances it would be easy enough for Cord to fall back into an old habit.
Naturally she wanted him to stop, if only for his own health’s sake. She supposed that knowing he was about to become a father would provide the extra incentive.
But one week without Sheila? Ashley mused waspishly. She couldn’t imagine how either Cord or his stepmother would survive that long without each other.
Yet he obviously felt he needed help or he wouldn’t have checked in to the hospital. But a couples program?
She’d heard smoking was a very difficult habit to break, and she admired anyone who was successful. Certainly a program like the one run at the hospital sounded as if it might work because it was attempting to deal with a person’s whole psyche.
She moistened her dry lips. “It would never have occurred to me that you were a smoker.”
“I put it behind me when I went to work for the forest service and thought I’d licked it.” There was a distant pause. “Evidently I haven’t. Now that you know the truth, I wouldn’t blame you if you walked away.”
She took a shaky breath. “If I do that, then you won’t be able to participate.”
“It doesn’t matter, Ashley. I can afford to get the help I need through individual therapy. But when I heard about the clinic, the idea of couples working on the problem together made a lot of sense.”
She hated to admit that she agreed, but she had serious reservations. “I don’t feel comfortable about taking the place of another couple who wouldn’t otherwise have the funds to get this kind of help.”
Cord’s jaw tautened. “That was one of my concerns, too. I’ve already told Dr. Drake that if you did join me, I would insist on paying for our stay and the therapy involved.
His admission didn’t surprise her. In all areas but one, Cord was the most honest, decent human being she’d ever known.
“It was a mistake to have called you,” he muttered darkly. “If you’re ready, I’ll walk you out to your car.”
He cupped her elbow to usher her toward the elevator, but she pulled back. His dark brows furrowed in question.
“Cord—since you’ve gone to this much trouble, I have to assume you’re intent on quitting smoking. I’ll stay through your first meeting with the therapist, but beyond that, I can’t promise anything.”
His body stilled. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I—I came this morning, Cord, and I’ll see it through that far at least.”
“But your job?”
“The person who was going to replace me when I went into labor is with Mrs. Bromwell now. Early this morning I made the decision that no matter what happened between you and me, I wouldn’t be going back there. It’s not going to be a problem since we all agreed that anything could have happened during these last four weeks.”
“You’re right. Our baby might decide to come early.”
“It’s possible,” she admitted, “but the doctor says there’s no sign of that yet.”
“Frankly, I’m glad you’re quitting work.”
Ashley looked away, nervous and apprehensive over what she’d done, but she’d made a commitment and couldn’t back out on it. “Excuse me while I make that call.”
She turned to the desk clerk who allowed Ashley the use of the phone. All the time she talked to Mrs. Bromwell’s daughter, she felt Cord’s presence and it prevented her from concentrating. After promising to keep in touch with the family, Ashley hung up the receiver. “Shall we go to the auditorium?”
His gaze swept over her, concerned and reminiscently possessive. “Are you all right? Do you need anything first?”
“No, thank you. I’m fine.”
“If you should feel any discomfort, I want to know about it.” The one thing she knew about Cord was that he would take perfect care of her.
“I promise,” she said in an effort to reassure him.