Baby in a Million

When they went inside, Dr. Drake was speaking at the podium, using an overhead projector to put some points across. Cord shifted his arm to her shoulders and guided her down the aisle to a vacant row where they took the first two seats. He placed her suitcase and bag in the aisle next to his.

Another surprise awaited her when he reached for her left hand. She could feel him brailling her rings, no doubt to ascertain that they were still there.

When she attempted to put her arm back in her lap, he exerted the slightest pressure which served as a warning not to try to free herself.

She had been afraid of this happening. Now that he knew he was about to become a father, he was feeling proprietorial of her. He might not be in love with her any longer, but he would love their child. She had no doubts about that. Because she was going to be the mother, he would do everything in his power to help and protect her.

Once they were alone again, she’d remind him that they were getting a divorce. He couldn’t go on touching her, holding her whenever he felt like it.

Somehow she had to make him see that the only reason she was here was to provide an additional impetus to help him conquer the problem which had beset him.

“...After this general meeting, which should only take another ten minutes, we’ll assign each couple a room and ask you to go there and get settled. Breakfast will be served at seven-thirty in the conference room next door.

“At eight o’clock, a psychologist will visit each couple in their rooms to begin the treatment and therapy sessions.

“Lunch will be at twelve, followed by a getting-acquainted session for everyone back in here at twelve-thirty.

“I believe that’s as much as I need announce at this time. Right now, I’d like to introduce Mack and Barbara, a couple who were involved in our pilot program ten years ago.

“Mack was a heavy smoker who’d tried dozens of times to quit without success.

“Mack? Tell us what happened when you came in here.”

Ashley tried to listen while the man explained how City Creek’s program had turned his life around and made a new man of him. But with Cord sitting next to her, his lower thigh brushing against her nylon-clad leg, she couldn’t possibly concentrate.

While he held her hand, he absently rubbed his thumb over her palm. Every motion sent her pulse skyrocketing, rekindling old desires which had been lying dormant over the last eight months.

She could hardly breathe as she felt his gaze wander over the pregnant line of her body. He was studying her, most likely comparing what he saw to his last memory of her. It shamed her now to remember how she’d molded herself to him after a rapturous night of lovemaking. But the second she’d fallen asleep, he’d stolen from the bedroom she was using, and had gone back to his own room.

When she’d awakened and had discovered him missing, she went to find him, needing to talk about what had happened.

During the night he’d begged her to believe him, that there had been no affair with Sheila. After what they’d just shared, she’d wanted to have faith in him and thought maybe this could be a new beginning.

But the conversation she had in mind never took place because when she reached the door of his room, she heard Sheila’s voice. She was talking to Cord.

Though Ashley felt like she was going to faint from the pain, she peered inside. What she saw turned out to be the blackest moment of her life.

Within ten minutes she’d packed a suitcase and had left the house in the compact car he’d bought her. Since that hellish morning, she hadn’t stepped over the threshold of the McKnight house. She never would again.

“Ashley? It’s time to go to our room. The others have already filed out.”

Cord’s low voice brought her back to the present with a jolt. Her head jerked around. “What?”

His lancing eyes searched her features relentlessly. He let out an expletive. “You’ve gone pale.”

“I’m just feeling a little empty inside,” she lied. “It’s nothing serious.’

“What can I get you? Some juice? I saw a machine in the hall.”

“That sounds good.”

“Let’s go.”

After having been on her own for over half a year, she had to admit it felt wonderful to be taken care of again. No one was more solicitous of her needs than Cord. He’d been a giver from the first moment she’d met him. That quality in him hadn’t changed.

Within a couple of minutes he’d whisked her to their room a few doors down the halt and had forced her to sit down at the side of the bed, guarding her to make sure she drank every drop of the canned orange juice.

Though she hadn’t needed a drink, it tasted delicious. While she emptied the can, he put the bag in the closet, then lifted her suitcase onto his bed and started emptying it.

Ridiculous as it seemed, though she’d been married to him for six years, she felt shy and a little embarrassed as he unpacked her things, particularly her nightgowns and underwear.

“What are these?” He held several vials of pills in his hand.

“Prenatal vitamins and calcium tablets.”

He put them on the top of the dresser. “How often do you take them?”

“The vitamins once a day. The calcium, twice.”

Any normal man who’d just. found out he was going to be a father would show some curiosity. But this was Cord who’d been told by specialists that he would probably never be able to father a child.

Yet the miracle had happened. He was about to become a new dad. She could see the excitement in his eyes every time they rested on her. More, she could feel it in the huskiness of his deep voice. He couldn’t seem to keep his hands off her.

This was his baby she was carrying. His natural curiosity had been magnified a dozen times by the wondrous news. Ashley had to resign herself to the fact that he’d already taken over his role as prospective father with a seriousness that bordered on overprotectiveness.

In her heart she couldn’t blame him. Right now she didn’t think that even Sheila could wield enough power to win him away from Ashley’s side, no matter the urgency. Once she’d delivered, it would be a different story. In the meantime, it was evident Cord would be preoccupied with thoughts of the son or daughter almost ready to be born.

If Sheila already hated Ashley now, how much more would that emotion escalate when she found out Ashley was carrying Cord’s baby?

Instead of his stepmother somehow finding out first and running to Cord with the information—no doubt twisting it in some strange way to make Ashley look bad in his eyes, Ashley derived a certain satisfaction in knowing that Cord would have to inform Sheila he was about to be a new father. That would definitely come as a shock!

She bit her lip. How long would Cord wait before he excused himself to use the clinic phone and make that important call?

Following the thought, she wondered how much the baby would put a crimp in his future plans with Sheila, whatever they were.

If Cord married her, that would mean she’d be the other woman in their child’s life. Ashley couldn’t fathom such an untenable possibility.

“Come on, Ashley. You’re still looking wan. Let’s get you to the dining room for some solid food.”

“I’m really not hungry, but I’m sure you are. Why don’t you go without me? I ate something before I came and the juice filled me up. Besides, my back is aching a little, and I would like to lie down till the psychologist arrives.”

He pondered her remarks with a single-minded intensity reminiscent of the old Cord she’d first met and fallen in love with. “Then let me help you relax.”

Faster than she could think to lift her legs from the floor, he leaned down and gathered her in his arms to help her stretch out properly on top of the bed.

His gentle solicitation, the close proximity of their bodies produced a bittersweet ache. She turned her head toward the wall, afraid to look at him. “It’s a little cool in here for you, I think.” In the next instant he’d found a light blanket to cover her.

“Th-thank you,” she whispered. The words came out haltingly because as he tucked it around her, his hands seemed to have a mind of their own. She squeezed her eyelids tightly together as she felt him shape his palms to the large mound containing their baby and begin a slow exploration.

You don’t have the right, Cord! Not when you’ve been intimate with Sheila, her heart sobbed in silence.

But Ashley felt powerless to stop him.

Because you’re still in love with him and crave any contact with him. Admit it!

His sure touch was light as a feather, but she felt it in every atom of her trembling body. It had been eight months since she’d known such exquisite pleasure. Eight lonely, interminably long, desolate months. She never wanted him to stop.

“It’s a miracle, darling—” she heard him murmur in a thick-toned voice.

Suddenly the blanket disappeared and the weight on her stomach felt a little heavier. She opened her eyes and turned her head back around to discover his face buried against her belly. A slight gasp escaped her throat as he started to kiss her through the filmy material of her dress.

Unshed tears sprang to her eyes. From almost the very first moment they’d met, he’d kissed her under every conceivable circumstance and manner, but she’d never been as moved, never felt as worshiped and adored as she did at this moment.

Cord would never have the experience of carrying a child nine months inside his own body. Yet it was his child. She realized this was the closest he could come to sharing the experience with her. But she hadn’t counted on the indescribable swell of emotion that made her want to forget every painful thing that had gone on in the past and just feast on this incredible feeling of oneness with him.

A little being was growing inside her, getting bigger every day. A little life which was half her, half Cord. But while she’d had over eight months to ponder the wonder of it all, he’d only just learned that his life was already immortalized by the son or daughter waiting to make an appearance shortly.

Being pregnant with Cord’s baby bonded them in a way that went far beyond the physical world and touched on the eternal. She couldn’t begrudge him the God-given right to fatherhood by denying him this miraculous moment of discovery.

It was something she would treasure in her heart, long after they’d separated and gone their own way. Which they would, a nagging inner voice cried out in despair once more.

“I’ll be right back,” he whispered, pressing a hard, swift kiss to her astonished mouth. After covering her again with the blanket, he left the room in a few swift strides.

CHAPTER THREE

“HELLO, you two. I’m Vincent Warren, but since we’re going to be getting to know each other very, very well—” He grinned. “Why don’t you just call me Vince.”

“That sounds good to us,” Cord spoke for both of them in a deep, even voice. He sat down in a chair next to her bed, drinking a cup of coffee he’d carried from the dining room. Out of thoughtfulness, he’d brought her back a roll and some grapefruit, in case she got hungry later.

Seated on the edge of the bed, Ashley tried to put the memory of those moments before Cord had gone for breakfast out of her mind. It had been a transcendent experience, one which had shaken her and affected her ability to concentrate.

She did note that the middle-aged psychologist emanated a professional mien in his pale blue lab coat and clipboard. He was clean-shaven, unlike so many in his profession.

“Ashley? Is that what you want me to call you?”

She nodded.

“And you, sir? You wish to be called Cord?”

“All right.” He put everything on the bedside table, then reached in his pocket. “I’m going to adhere this patch to your neck, Cord. As you know, this is one of the methods used to help you lose your desire for a cigarette.”

“Are there any side effects associated with it?” Ashley blurted anxiously, causing Cord to flash her a questioning glance.

She turned to Vince. “H-he had a bad reaction once to some pain medication following a brush with a grizzly bear.”

“That’s right,” Cord muttered. “I’d forgotten.”

“Oh, honestly, Cord. How could you possibly forget an experience that almost cost you your life?” she cried out in remembered pain.

“Really!” Vince made a notation on his legal pad. “That’s a story I’d like to hear about later. What was prescribed?”

“Percodan,” she supplied instantly.

“Then you’re probably allergic to codeine. The patch doesn’t have the same ingredients, so I’m not worried, but we’ll watch you carefully all the same. Most people respond favorably to this form of treatment. We’ll just have to wait and see.”

It took him about one minute for the procedure, then Vince reached for a chair and sat down facing them.

“I’m sure Dr. Drake has already explained this, but the aim of our clinic is to put together a profile on both of you so we can get as in-depth a picture of your life as possible. At the same time, we’ll teach you some strategies to end your compulsion to smoke.

“As you know, human nature is such that we all operate under the selective memory process. Interviewing both of you at the same time helps get two points of view on the same happening, and supplies the missing pieces to help us make the most correct assessment possible.

“What happened just now when your wife remembered an incident in your life that you didn’t deem very important, is a case in point.

“I’ve read the summary of your work profile and understand you lived a lot of your life in the out-of-doors before moving back to Salt Lake. Obviously the accident such as she described was routine to you, but to your wife, it constituted much more of a threat, thus her reaction and instant recall.

“You see how beneficial interviewing both of you simultaneously will work to our advantage?”

Ashley was very much afraid that she did. When she darted a covert glance at Cord, his closed expression told her nothing about his inner thoughts.

“Willpower and self-mastery are always the keys to living a temperate life,” Vince expounded, “but many other factors get in the way. When two people live together, for good or bad, those factors increase, thus the reason for both of you agreeing to go through the program. By the end of the week, we hope to have accomplished a great deal.

“Cord—we’d like to see you walk out of here feeling physically fit and having less of an urge to light up because number one, it’s unhealthy. Number two, because through counseling here, you will have zeroed in on the stumbling blocks in your life that trigger your need for nicotine, and will have taken positive steps to remove them.”

Ashley stirred restlessly on the bed. Once they got into the past, it would be like opening Pandora’s box. She dreaded what was about to come out and wondered if she had the temerity to last the course.

Vince’s gaze centered on her. “If you get uncomfortable sitting there while I’m interviewing, please move around or lie down, or do whatever makes you the most comfortable.”

“Thanks. I’m fine for the moment.” Physically, she’d had a very easy pregnancy. Except for occasional back pain, she didn’t swell that much and the morning sickness left after the third month. It’s my emotional state that is in turmoil. Being with Cord like this is killing me.

The psychologist nodded. “According to the notes Dr. Drake left with me, I see that you were the one who filed for divorce. Is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“How long have you been separated?”

“Eight months.”

“When was the last time you saw each other since the separation?”

She bowed her head to avoid Cord’s searching gaze. “This morning.”

“So there’s been no communication until now?”

“Not until last Friday when Cord phoned me.”

“Yet you cared enough to help him, and he cared enough to ask for your help. That’s a good beginning if we’re to accomplish anything positive in the next seven days.” He cleared his throat. “All right. Cord? Let’s start with you. What’s your age?”

“Thirty-six.”

“From what I understand, you didn’t start smoking until you went away to college.”

“That’s right,” he answered quietly. Ashley kept her eyes on Vince, but she was listening to Cord with every part of her being.

“Had you ever been tempted by cigarettes before that time?”

“No.”

“Most kids start in junior high or high school. What do you think made you take the first one so late in life?”

“I don’t know. I was at a loose end, and the fellows who roomed in the same apartment I did all smoked. One night at a party someone offered me a cigarette and I thought, ‘why not?’ That’s how it started.”

“We’ll assume for the moment that you’ve been at a loose end many times long before then and since. So what was different about that time?”

Ashley heard the draft of air Cord took in before he answered.

“I’d just left home after a bitter scene with my father.”

“Your mother didn’t figure in it?”

“No.”

One of Ashley’s deepest disappointments was not ever meeting or knowing Cord’s mother, a woman he’d adored. As for Cord’s father, he was a cold man, aloof.

“You were what? Eighteen?” Cord nodded. “Tell me more about your family. How many brothers and/or sisters?”

“I’m an only child.”

Vince wrote more notations. “Since you went away to school in the East, am I assuming correctly that you generally made several visits home a year?”

“No,” came the abrupt reply.

This was news to Ashley. Her gaze fastened compulsively on him, her heart thudding.

“Why not?”

At this point Cord leaned forward, his hands clasped between his knees in an attitude of solemnity. “My father and I became estranged before I graduated from high school.”

“Why?”

Cord’s face darkened with lines. “From the time I was fourteen, I always had to work for my father at the office doing odd jobs, anything he wanted me to do. It was always intended that I would head the family business after he retired, so he expected me to know it all.” His voice grated.

“I take it the idea of filling his shoes didn’t appeal to you.”

“No. I had interests which ran in another direction entirely, but being the only son, I felt trapped.”

“You never told me that—” Ashley blurted.

Cord absently brushed his lower lip with his thumb. “I never said anything because my mother urged me to do what my father wanted. Above all, I hated disappointing her.”

“Surely she wanted your welfare above all else!”

Sadness lurked in Cord’s eyes. “I’m positive of it. But because Dad didn’t seem capable of making her happy, I thought I could. Anyway, in May of my senior year, about three weeks before graduation, Dad hired a new girl to replace the receptionist who was leaving to get married.”

Suddenly Cord’s dark glance swerved to Ashley. “Her name was Sheila Wright.”

A gasp came out of Ashley. “You really did know her clear back then?” she cried in fresh agony. “Then that means Sheila was telling the truth.” For the second time in one morning, she watched Cord’s face pale.

Vince got to his feet before she did. “All right. The mention of this Sheila has touched on an issue of extreme sensitivity, one that has obviously not been resolved.” He eyed Ashley compassionately. “Is Sheila the person you feel is partially responsible for the breakup of your marriage?”

“Among other reasons.” Ashley’s voice shook. She felt ill. “I’ve got to get out of here.”

“Ashley—”

She heard the tormented plea in Cord’s tone, but she couldn’t handle the gut-wrenching revelation that Sheila had been his lover as far in the past as high school! Sheila had intimated that she’d been the other woman in the background of Cord’s life, but Cord had always denied it.

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