Forever

9

Rose

“What is he doing here?” I demanded of Summer, knowing full well that she was as clueless as me.

“Maybe he came by to see Sam. They are friends and all,” Summer suggested as she flopped onto my bed.

I shook my head. “No, there’s more to it than that. Hunter won’t quit. He won’t accept that I’m with Noah again.”

“How do you feel about that?” Summer asked quietly.

I took a deep breath and sighed. “It doesn’t really matter now, does it? I’m pregnant and I have to marry Noah.”

Summer sprang off the bed and grabbed my arms. “Whoa, you have options. Life isn’t over because you’re pregnant.”

I rolled my eyes and sat down on the bed.

“You never did tell me how Noah reacted,” Summer said as she joined me. She placed her arm around my shoulder.

Staring at the ugly wallpaper adorning my walls, I quickly thought about what I should say. Even though she hadn’t come right out with it, I knew Summer was already against Noah. If I told her what he’d said, she’d really get down on him.

“I took your advice. I’m going to wait a little while longer before I break the news.”

“What made you change your mind?”

“From the first moment I laid eyes on Noah, I’ve acted impulsively...and look where it got me. I’m going to take things slower from now on and really think everything through before I make a decision.”

Summer pulled me into a tight hug and said, “That’s a girl. You’re not alone, either. Sam and I will be there with you every step of the way.”

I sniffed back the tears and returned her hug. The smell of her flowery shampoo tickled my nose, and I was suddenly very grateful to have her by my side.

The soft knock at the door separated us. Summer’s face scrunched into a frown, and she said loudly, “Go away, Sam, I’m busy with Rose.”

There was a silent pause before Hunter’s voice called out.

“It’s me. Rose, can we talk for a minute? I promise if you hear me out, I’ll leave when you ask me to.” Another pause and he said, “Please, Rose.”

Summer’s frown disappeared, and she looked at me thoughtfully, shrugging her shoulders.

“Maybe you should listen. What harm can it do?” Summer leaned in and whispered.

A whole lot, I thought, but instead of trusting my instincts to keep distance between me and Hunter, I reluctantly nodded.

“If you need me, give a shout. I’ll be right downstairs.” Summer squeezed me one more time and then hopped off the bed.

When Summer opened the door, Hunter smiled thankfully at her as she held her arm out, allowing him to pass.

She quietly shut the door behind her, and I was alone with Hunter.

I couldn’t look at him. Too much guilt. Noah was the love of my life, but Hunter had touched my heart. He’d been there when I’d needed a friend...and he’d accepted me unconditionally. His willingness to change colleges to be close to me flooded my memory, and sometimes I wondered if I’d regret someday not picking him over Noah.

He moved across the room swiftly and sat where Summer had been. Touching my chin, he lifted it, forcing me to face him.

“Please, don’t ignore me. I hate this awkwardness between us. Have you forgotten how you used to talk to me—and laugh with me?”

When my eyes met his greenish-hazel ones, I was once again mesmerized by the little brown flecks in them. He flicked his head slightly when a few strands of his blond hair fell over one of them. The action reminded me of so many other times he’d done the same thing, and I relaxed a bit.

“I remember, but it can’t be like that anymore. I’m with Noah, and I’m afraid that you won’t let up and accept it.”

Hunter sighed and looked straight ahead. When he spoke, his voice held a tone of defeat that made me suddenly sad.

“I’m sorry I’ve pushed you to be with me. I just couldn’t help it. I’ve had this feeling all along that we’re meant to be together— Guess I was wrong. I won’t bother you anymore if that’s what you want.”

My heart was greedy. Even though I knew it was wrong to keep Hunter on standby, I didn’t want to lose him. When I glanced at the side of his face looking so depressed, I needed to comfort him.

Reaching out, I touched his cheek lightly with the back of my fingers and said, “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

Too quick for me to pull away, he turned and wrapped his arms around me. He did no more than hug me tightly, and the warmth and security of his hold felt good.

Letting him continue to embrace me, I pressed my face against his chest.

“I know you didn’t mean to make me fall in love with you. It was my fault that I ever thought I could rid your mind of Noah,” he said quietly.

I pulled back to look up at his frown and felt a sharp sense of loss myself.

“I do have feelings for you, Hunter. I don’t want you to think I don’t. It’s just that it’s not the same as what’s between me and Noah.”

When he sighed, I looked at him, and he said, “Are you happy to be back in Meadowview?”

Was I happy? I didn’t even know my own feelings anymore. The fear of being pregnant was even worse now that Noah wanted to wait before bringing our relationship out in the open. I could understand his reasons, even though I didn’t like them. I didn’t have room to be worrying about Constance’s feelings. I couldn’t afford to be generous at this point in my life, not with a baby to think about.

The pressure inside of me began pushing outward, and I suddenly felt as if I couldn’t keep it in any longer. Hunter had helped me get a grip on my emotions before—maybe he could do it again.

“It doesn’t really matter where I live now,” I whispered, staring straight ahead.

“I thought you’d be ecstatic to be so close to Noah.”

I hesitated and remained silent.

“Look, I’m not mad or anything. I really want you to be happy...and I hope we can remain friends.”

Hunter’s voice was sincere, and when I glanced at his face, I couldn’t keep the secret any longer.

I blurted out, “I’m pregnant.”

Hunter’s eyes widened, and his mouth dropped open. I watched him turn away and take a breath before he faced me again. Seeing that his expression was neutral gave me confidence that I hadn’t made a mistake telling him.

“What is Noah going to do about it?

Realizing that I’d just told Hunter about the baby before Noah, I felt a stab of guilt. But the slight tremor of anger toward Noah for proposing to Constance still heated my insides, and I pushed aside the troubling thought.

“He doesn’t know yet.”

“What? How come you haven’t told him? You shouldn’t have to deal with this alone,” Hunter said harshly, his voice rising.

“Shhh, my dad doesn’t know about it, either. Just Sam, Summer and Justin.” I paused, catching my breath. “Justin figured it out on his own, but Sam and Summer were with me when I took the tests.”

“You still haven’t told me why Noah doesn’t know yet.”

I fidgeted for a second, worrying what Hunter would think about my relationship with Noah when he knew the truth.

“I was going to tell him tonight, but I just couldn’t. He has our future planned out in his head, and a baby isn’t part of it right now.”

“What do you mean? I’m sure he’d be thrilled if you’re pregnant. Then he has you trapped forever.”

Fire swelled in me. I sat up straighter and said, “I’m not trapped. I can still make my own decisions.”

Hunter groaned. “That may be true to an extent, but Noah’s part of the equation, and he’ll use the situation to make sure you never leave him.” He stared at me with a deep frown and said, “How could you let this happen? Now you have no choice but to become Amish.”

I wanted to be with Noah, more than anything. Even if I had to become Amish to do it. But then why did what he’d just said make my belly do a somersault? Were my choices really gone?

Reading my mind, Hunter’s voice softened when he said, “I guess you don’t have to become Amish if you don’t want to. You don’t even have to raise the baby. There are other options.”

I looked at him questioningly, and he said, “My cousin gave her baby up for adoption.”

The subject of other options for my pregnancy hadn’t come up with Summer or Sam. I think they just assumed that I would keep the baby...and so had I. I understood why some girls would choose to go that route, but the thought of giving the child I created with Noah away made the bile rise from my already queasy stomach.

I swallowed down the hot juices and muttered, “I’m keeping my baby. How could you suggest such a thing?”

“I hate to think of you in this situation. You’re still important to me and this pregnancy changes everything.” He paused and lowered his voice. “You’re going to have to tell your dad about this. It’s too important not to.”

“That’s what Sam says.”

“He’s right. I’m sure you’re afraid to and all, but he’s a doctor. He’ll understand better than most parents.”

I shook my head. “He’ll be devastated...and he’ll probably ship me back to Cincinnati to live with Aunt Debbie. I need to get some things straightened out with Noah before I tell Dad.”

“When do you plan to let Noah in on it?”

“Sam thinks I should do it right away, but Summer wants me to wait. She thinks that I need more time to decide about the whole Amish thing...and to be honest, I’m not sure that I want to be Amish anymore.”

Hunter was quiet for a minute and so was the house. I listened for any sign that Summer and Sam might be arguing, but heard nothing. The only noise was the wind rattling the window every so often.

“If you aren’t absolutely certain about the course you want your life to take, then give it a little more time to decide.”

“You really think so?”

Hunter put his arm around me and squeezed my shoulders softly. I rested my head in the crook of his arm.

“If you decide to take care of the baby on your own, you’ll have support from your family and friends. And, from me— It doesn’t make a difference that it’s Noah’s child. I’ll be there for you one hundred percent no matter what you decide.”

As I listened to his heart beat against my cheek, I was more confused than ever.

10

Noah

Marcus Bontrager shifted on his feet uneasily as Father and I watched him. When he wouldn’t meet my gaze, instead looking down at the ground in front of the Yoders’ barn where the church service had just been held, I knew that I wasn’t going to like what he had to say.

“I’m really sorry, Amos, but Elijah already put money down on the land. It’s sold.”

Father’s face turned red, and he tugged his beard before saying, “Its Sunday, Marcus, and I frown upon talking business, but you assured me weeks ago that Noah had the option on the acres. What changed, my friend?”

Marcus glanced up at Father and me for an instant. His voice lowered, and he said, “When it was announced last week that the wedding plans had fallen through, I reckoned you Millers wouldn’t be interested in the property. Elijah visited me some nights ago and made me a good offer.”

“Since your land joins mine, we won’t be able to find such an arrangement elsewhere.” Father paused and leaned in, placing his hand on Marcus’s shoulder. “Please, reconsider.”

Marcus shook his head, saying, “It was never my intention to breach our trust, but a man must look after his own interest. The amount Elijah offered couldn’t be ignored.” He turned to me and added, “I wish you the best of luck, Noah. It’s not personal.”

After Marcus had walked off, Father sighed heavily.

“I can hardly believe that Elijah would go so far as to spend his own money to go against us.”

Jacob, who had been holding back, exclaimed, “That isn’t the half of it, Father.”

Father lifted his eyes to the sky and took a deep breath. “What else do you know of?”

“I just heard talk that Elijah has befriended Mervin Weaver.”

Any patience had left Father’s voice when he motioned with his hand for Jacob to spit it out. “Where is this gossip coming from?”

“Katie overheard her parents discussing the matter last night. They want to call a vote to keep Rose from rejoining the church, and Elijah has asked Bishop Abram to not allow their wedding to take place within the community.”

I burst out, “He can’t do that.”

Father put his hands on each of our shoulders and hustled us farther away from the barn as people were leaving the service.

“Hush now, Noah. There are prying ears everywhere. No, I don’t believe that Elijah will be successful in the endeavor. Both you and Rose have many friends among our people. But the man’s persistence is troubling.”

“What can we do?” Jacob asked. My older brother stood straight and tall, and he appeared ready for immediate action.

Father shook his head and said, “For now, we wait. Once the sting of the wedding cancellation lessens, I’m hoping that Elijah will become preoccupied with other things.”

“And if that doesn’t happen?” I said, suddenly worried that the feud could go on for years. I wasn’t waiting that long to be with Rose.

“We’ll take that day when it comes, and not a moment sooner. It is not our way to fuss over the choices of our children. Elijah’s actions are not being dictated by scripture or law of God. His own pride is corrupting him.” He glanced between us and added, “This should be taken as a good lesson for the two of you. Our people are not our enemies and should never be treated as such.”

I couldn’t help the aggravated sigh that escaped my mouth. Father grasped my arm and warned, “Noah, be vigilant nowadays. You and Rose will be joined in due time, but this storm must settle before that happens. Please, for once in your life, take heed of what I say and control your emotions.”

Reluctantly, I said, “Yes, Father.”

He was right, and I knew it, but it was more difficult than ever to be kept from Rose. All I wanted to do was to have her by my side and begin our lives together, but everyone under the sun was working against us.

Father and Jacob left together to hitch up their horses, but I lingered at the fence line watching a newborn foal as it punched with its nose at its dam’s udder for milk. A beautiful sight, but I was thinking about Rose, wondering what she was doing on the warm, sunny morning.

I ignored the sound of the buggy’s wheels crunching on the gravel behind me until I heard my name called out. Micah Schwartz stepped out of the buggy and walked the few steps to reach me.

His hair curled out from under his hat, and I was thinking to myself that he needed a haircut when he said, “Constance wants to speak to you.” He nodded toward the buggy, darting his eyes back and forth to see if anyone was watching.

“It isn’t proper for me to be alone with her. Your father would have my hide.”

Micah nodded with understanding, and I suddenly realized that he was a likable fellow.

“Father and the rest of the family have left, but I’ll stay close to the buggy in case questions are raised.”

My heart stilled. The last thing in the world I wanted to do this morning was to talk to the girl whose heart I’d broken, but seeing the determination in Micah’s eyes to make it happen, I knew I couldn’t refuse. I owed Constance that much.

When I climbed into the buggy, I avoided her gaze at first and sat as far from her on the seat as possible. Since the space was small, we were still closer than I wanted.

Her voice was petal soft when she spoke, and I finally glanced up at her oval face. She really was doll-like with her pale skin, dark eyes and auburn hair. She’d have no problem finding a new suitor, I thought. She was too pretty a girl to be left alone for long.

“Even for all the embarrassment this meeting causes me, I still needed to talk to you about it. I don’t understand and wish that you could make me see your side of things.”

Her mouth frowned slightly, but her face did not look at me with the hatred I would have expected. Constance really was a good girl, and I regretted even more that I’d hurt her at all.

“I want you to know that when we were together I was absolutely sincere in my feelings for you. I cared deeply for you, and I still do. But my love for Rose consumes me. She is the woman I’m supposed to be with, and I realize that now.”

“You told me that you were over her, that she wasn’t right for you. Why change your mind?”

I glanced at her but couldn’t look into her staring eyes for long.

“It wasn’t our fault. Her father and brother wrote a letter basically saying that she was moving on in her English world. I was heartbroken, but let her go, thinking that it might be best for both of us. After I learned the truth and saw her again, I realized that she was the only woman for me. I’m sorry that I got you involved in our troubles.”

Her voice changed, and there was a hint of coolness in it that I’d never heard before.

“You asked me to marry you, Noah. That’s a very serious thing. Now I see that you never loved me at all but, instead, were trying to erase your hurt feelings about the English girl by using me. As a Christian woman, I will forgive you, but I’ll never forget what you’ve done to me. You deserve to suffer a little before you find your happiness in life...just as I will do.”

I was shocked at her words. I would have expected Ella, the crazy Amish girl who’d been obsessed with me since we were children, to make such a proclamation, but not the timid Constance who’d thawed my heart after I’d thought Rose had left me. Knowing more about her father, I really shouldn’t have been so surprised, but I still was.

I sighed heavily. “I’m sorry, Constance...truly I am.”

Micah peeked in the doorway and said, “Noah, you need to leave now. It’s been long enough to raise suspicions.”

I stepped out of the buggy without another word to Constance.

After the buggy pulled away, Sarah appeared beside me and asked, “What did Micah say to you?”

Her question pulled me from my own heavy thoughts.

My sister’s eyes were wide and bright, and her face shone. She looked different, and after a second of concentration, all my own problems disappeared for an instant.

“Are you interested in Micah?”

When Sarah blushed and looked down at her feet, I had my answer. Good God, the girl didn’t have a clue what she was getting herself into.

Lowering my voice, I told her, “Don’t even go there, Sarah. That family is nothing but trouble. Elijah Schwartz will never allow his son to court you after what I did to his daughter.”

Her voice prickled when she said, “It’s none of your concern or Jacob’s which boy I show favor to.” With a kick at the gravel, she added, “At least he’s one of us. Surely, things will be easier for us than they will be for you and Rose.”

The words slapped me, and I stepped back. Her face suddenly became remorseful, and she followed me and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. I’m just upset that you echoed Jacob’s own sentiment.” She mumbled, “Now I understand how you felt when you couldn’t be with Rose. Why is the world so unfair?”

I stopped, suddenly feeling closer to my younger sister than I ever had. We really did have something in common.

“God willing, in the end I’ll be with Rose and you’ll be with Micah, if you choose him.”

Sarah smiled and nodded. As we walked back to the barn to get the horse hitched, I worried that God might have other plans for my sister and me.

A feeling of uneasiness pinched my soul as I watched Sarah carefully back Oscar from the tie stall. She was such a sweet girl, and the thought that my actions were causing her grief darkened my mood even further.

Out of all of us, Sarah deserved happiness the most. I was bound and determined to make sure that she had it—even if it meant putting my own life on hold for a while longer.

11

Sarah

A million butterflies fluttered in my belly as I played volleyball. Each time I glanced toward the net where Micah was, he’d be looking straight at me and I’d turn away quickly.

His brazenness awakened my spirit, and I’d found myself thinking about him constantly. It was difficult to get my chores done properly when visions of his bright green eyes and lightly tanned face would pop up unexpectedly. It had become more difficult over the past couple of days to concentrate, and my mind had been filled with remembering each and every word he’d ever said to me. I’d replay all of our meetings, analyzing his comments to the point of exhaustion.

Mother thought I was sick and had offered to allow me to return to bed. My younger sister, Rachel, had mocked me for being an old woman with hearing problems when I’d ignored her while we’d hung the laundry together.

My thoughts drifted back to this morning when I’d talked to Noah. I really did understand how he felt. The longing to be with someone could cause a person to do silly things. I’d already been thinking of opportunities to speak with Micah again, but hadn’t come up with anything even remotely promising.

“Sarah, snap out of it. You’re missing every ball that comes your way,” Suzanna scolded.

Wisps of her pale blond hair fluttered around her face in the evening breeze, and her cap was slightly crooked.