Forever
The game stopped when I reached over and felt along the top of her head to pull out the pin. Suzanna stood still for me to set the cap back on straight while I answered her.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t see them.”
“And you didn’t hear me calling you?” She gently shook my shoulder and said, “Are you sweet on someone, Sarah Miller?”
Of course, Miranda was standing in Suzanna’s shadow, and pudgy Maretta had appeared beside my elbow. All the girls stared at me, waiting for an answer.
I nodded slowly, heat rising on my face. All eyes widened and Suzanna grabbed my arm, ushering me away from the nets. She settled on a grassy spot some distance from the games and pulled me to the ground. Miranda and Maretta followed suit, and I found myself sitting in the middle of their gawking faces.
“It’s Edwin, isn’t it?” Maretta muttered.
“Oh, Lord, I hope not. He’s so boring,” Suzanna put in.
Miranda cleared her throat and said, “Hush and let Sarah tell us herself.”
All eyes looked at me expectantly, and I whispered, “Do you swear to keep it to yourselves?”
They nodded vigorously as I expected. Feeling a rush of giddiness, I said, “Micah Schwartz.”
The looks on the girls went from interest to pure shock in an instant.
Suzanna glanced around and then said, “Are you crazy? Since Noah quit Constance, Micah is off-limits to you.”
Miranda, the most thoughtful of the group, must have pitied me when she chastised Suzanna, giving me a bit of hope. “I don’t see any reason why they can’t be together. Noah, Constance and Rose have nothing to do with Micah and Sarah. They’re both of courting age and members of our church. Once Mr. Schwartz settles down about the whole business, it will be fine.” She reached over and patted my hand.
Suzanna stayed silent, but Maretta jumped and smiled. “Are you sure you don’t want Edwin, Sarah?”
“I’m sure...why?”
“I’ve always liked him. I think I’ll make eyes at him and see what he does.” She scowled at Suzanna and added, “I don’t think he’s boring at all.”
I watched her jog away toward the nets with a deep sense of rightness. Maretta was meant to go after Edwin all along. She had just been waiting for me to make a decision about him. Now, she was free to pursue her heart.
I was smiling broadly when Suzanna said, “I have to admit the two of them are perfect for each other. He’ll never have to talk with Maretta around, and that will suit him just fine.” Then her face became serious, and she said, “Have you and Micah discussed a courtship?”
“No, not exactly, but he gave me a gift. Do you think he likes me?”
“What did he give you?” Suzanna asked.
I pulled the soft leather strap from my pocket and showed the girls. They each leaned in, and Miranda ran her fingers down the engraving of my name.
“It’s very pretty,” Miranda murmured.
“If he made this himself, then he definitely likes you,” Suzanna said with sureness.
Her words made me feel lighter, but the worry was still present in my heart.
“I’m afraid to say a word to my parents about it. They’re so worked up over the matter with Noah and Constance that I don’t want to burden them further.”
Suzanna flicked her hand. “Two people falling in love shouldn’t be a burden. Old man Schwartz is overreacting if you ask me.”
After another quick search of the area and seeing that the games were over and the boys were taking down the nets, I said, “Have either of you spoken to Rose? I do miss her so.”
Suzanna and Miranda shook their heads, but even as darkness was setting in, I could see the twitch of excitement on Suzanna’s face and I was suddenly very worried.
12
Sam
I tried to kiss Summer, but she wiggled out of my arms and said, “Where’s Rose?”
“She’s upstairs, clutching her puke bucket to her chest as usual. She’s managed to hide the fact that she’s always sick from Dad—probably because he’s never around. She even convinced him to let her finish up her classes online so she doesn’t have to do the few weeks until the end of school here in Meadowview. You know, I’m close to the point of taking matters into my own hands.”
Summer’s face tightened, and she pointed her finger at me. “You wouldn’t dare. You promised to give her some time to know for sure.”
I left Summer in the foyer and went into the family room, saying, “I’m just worried about her health.”
I wasn’t surprised that when I flopped on the couch, she was right beside me.
“This is serious. Rose needs to be checked out by a doctor. Dad needs to know. Hell, Noah should know.”
“You don’t even like Noah,” Summer nearly shrieked. She was cute when she got riled up. I just wished what we were discussing wasn’t so damned important.
“He’s still the father, and he needs to step up and help Rose out.” It made perfect sense to me, but whenever I broached the subject with Summer, she always went into hysterics.
Summer’s eyes narrowed, and she lightly punched my arm. “You better not say a word to Noah about this, Sam, or...”
I cut her off. “Or what? It will be over between us? Please, don’t throw that one at me. You’re stuck with me and you know it. Besides, you’re way off base on this one.”
Surprising me, Justin, who I thought was in a video game haze in front of the TV, spoke up quite clearly, “You’re both wrong.”
“Spit it out, kid. What do you mean?” Summer asked, focusing her anger on the back of Justin’s head.
“It’s Aunt Debbie who should be told. She’d know what to do to help Rose, and she can keep a secret, so none of us would be breaking our oath to not tell Dad or Noah.”
I looked at Summer, whose face was scrunched in thought. When her gaze met mine, she shrugged and said, “What do you think?”
Never a day went by that I didn’t think about Mom and wish that she was still alive, but this was one of those moments when I really wanted her to walk through the door and take charge of the hysteria that our lives had become. But that was impossible, and the next best option was her sister, Aunt Debbie. She was more of a free spirit than Mom, but she still had a commanding way about her. I trusted her to handle a family crisis like this one.
“As usual, you surprise me, little bro. We’ll give Rose a few more days and then make the call.”
The knock at the door brought me and Summer quickly back into the foyer. It wasn’t very often that we had company after dark, living in the boondocks.
I hadn’t gotten the door open more than twelve inches when Summer squealed and pushed me aside to open it more quickly.
There was a flurry of drab-colored dresses and white caps bouncing around for a minute before things calmed down.
I recognized the blonde girl who’d flirted with me the night on the road, but not the slender girl with the black eyes and pale skin. The healthier-looking girl with the brown hair and lighter eyes of the same color seemed familiar.
“I didn’t think you ladies were allowed to go visiting your non-Amish neighbors after dark.” I couldn’t help smirking, even though Summer shot me a look that would have killed most men.
The blonde answered with a tilt to her head, “We’re sorry to come by unannounced. We’d like to visit your sister, if we may.”
For a second I was without words. All that could be heard was the tapping of Summer’s foot while the girls looked expectantly at me. I wasn’t used to girls asking me before they did something. At that moment, I could almost understand Noah’s insistence on staying Amish.
I was careful not to look at Summer’s face, but I had the feeling she was glaring when I said, “Sure thing. Stay as long as you want. She’s upstairs. You know the way.”
The girls brushed past me, following closely behind Summer.
It was an odd sight, and Justin obviously agreed when he finally roused from his gamer chair and peeked around me to watch the girls heading up the stairs.
“Ever since we moved here I’ve felt like I’m caught in the middle of an insane reality show version of Little House on the Prairie,” Justin said before he turned and disappeared back into the family room.
I mumbled to myself, “I couldn’t have said it better myself.”
13
Rose
I was expecting to see Summer walk through the door, but when Suzanna, Miranda and Sarah followed her in I leaped from the bed right into Suzanna’s arms. In turn, I hugged Miranda and then clutched Sarah even more tightly than the others. A couple of minutes later, the five of us were all cross-legged on the bed.
“I still can’t believe you shot Levi,” Suzanna exclaimed.
“And jabbed his eye out,” Miranda added with a look of awe on her face.
The mention of Levi brought a flash of images through my mind that I didn’t want to see or think about. I shrugged and gazed out the window into the dark.
Sarah must have sensed my reluctance to speak of it. She coughed lightly and said, “We’re relieved that you’re all right, Rose. I envy your strength. If I’d been in the same situation, I wouldn’t have been so brave.”
Turning to Sarah, I had to admire her subtle beauty. Her brown hair with its golden highlights was similar to the rest of the Miller kids, but her wide-spaced eyes were a lighter brown than those of her siblings. Those eyes were deep pools that seemed sad most of the time. Noah’s sister always spoke kind words in a soft voice. I wished I was so naturally nice.
“I’m sure if you were faced with a life-or-death situation, you’d be able do the right thing, too,” I said quietly.
Sarah nodded and then reached over to squeeze my hand.
I looked at Miranda with reservation. She was Levi’s sister, although she certainly had no reason to love him after the sick things he’d done to her when she was younger. But still, I’d nearly killed Levi when he’d come to Cincinnati to attack me. Could she really forgive me for doing such a thing?
“Miranda, I’m sorry about what happened with Levi, but he left me no choice.”
Miranda scooted closer and hugged me. “Don’t you dare apologize—he would’ve killed you for sure.” She whispered into my ear, “I’ve been taught the way of grace, and I forgive Levi...but I’ll never forget what he did to me. He deserved the punishment you served on him.”
When she pulled back, her eyes were moist, and she hurriedly wiped them with the back of her hand.
In an attempt to lighten the dark mood that had descended on the room, Suzanna giggled. “Have you heard, Rose—we all have suitors now.”
“Hush now, that’s not true!” Sarah exclaimed with wide eyes.
Summer finally woke from her silence and said, “Whoa now, did Sarah finally tell that Edwin dude how it was going to be?”
I was surprised when I saw the clear distress on Sarah’s face. Her voice rose to a level I’d never heard from her when she nearly shouted, “It’s not Edwin—it’s Micah!”
Summer and I exchanged a confused glance. I said, “Who’s Micah?”
The amused smirk on Suzanna’s face contrasted greatly with Sarah’s worried frown.
Sarah murmured, “Oh, just a new boy in the community.”
“Not just any boy, either.” Miranda paused and looked to Suzanna for approval of what she was about to say. When Suzanna nodded, Miranda added, “He’s Constance’s brother.”
Hearing Noah’s ex-fiancée’s name spoken sent a ripple of instant anger coursing through me.
“When did you begin dating him?” I asked, trying to keep the level of my voice calm.
“Oh, we aren’t official...and we probably never will be, anyway.”
Sarah shrugged. I saw the glint of moisture in her eyes before she turned away.
My heart suddenly went out to her, fearing that I might be the cause of her problems.
“Why would you say such a thing?” When Sarah wouldn’t meet my gaze, I looked at the others. Suzanna and Miranda both shook their heads sadly, and Summer gave me a knowing look.
After a long, uncomfortable silence, Sarah finally said, “Elijah Schwartz doesn’t want his children mingling with the Miller family in the future.”
Suzanna and Miranda exchanged unsure glances when Sarah looked straight at them.
“I guess you girls already know about Rose and Noah being together again, right?”
My heart stopped, and I held my breath. I didn’t think anyone besides Noah’s parents knew.
Suzanna breathed a sigh of relief. “We learned about it by accident.” She looked at me and smiled. “Your guy is kind of dumb about being secretive. We overheard the news. I couldn’t be happier for you.”
“I came down to the kitchen late one night to get a drink when I noticed the lamp on. I wasn’t being sneaky or anything, but I didn’t want to intrude, either. When Mother spoke of it to Father, I heard. Looks like we’ll be sisters, after all,” Sarah said as she patted my leg.
A roll of nausea passed over me, and I swallowed. I wondered at Sarah’s words—would we really be sisters one day? Then I thought of the baby inside of me, Sarah’s own niece or nephew. What would Sarah think if she knew about my pregnancy?
“Reckon, it’s better we get it out in the open, so we can move on to other drama,” Summer said. She turned to Sarah and asked, “So you can’t date this Micah guy you have the hots for, because Noah broke it off with Constance?”
Sarah nodded.
“That is a sticky situation. I’m sure in time, it’ll all sort itself out and his family will be fine with it,” Summer said.
Sarah muttered, “I hope so.”
Hearing the depression in Sarah’s voice, I realized that this was yet another reason for Noah and me to delay being together. If we hooked back up right away, it would make it even worse for Sarah and Micah. Maybe this was another aspect of the situation that Noah was considering when he’d told me that we needed to take our time.
My heart felt lighter, and the angst I’d been carrying toward Noah disappeared. There were more people being affected by our decisions than I’d known. Glancing at Sarah’s worried face, I was determined to do whatever I could to make sure that Noah and I didn’t ruin her chances at being with the guy she loved. Of all people, I could never do that to a friend. I understood too well how awful it was to be kept away from the person you wanted to be with.
I picked up Sarah’s hand and said, “Noah and I are doing things differently this time. I promise we’ll be discreet and keep our relationship hidden until you work things out with your Micah.”
Summer cleared her throat and said, “Ah, do you think you can do that?”
I shot her a warning look that would have wilted most girls. Not Summer, though. She sat up more confidently. “Because I’m not so sure.”
“Yes, I can.” Staring into Summer’s green gaze, I knew she was talking about the baby. I said, “Especially with the help of my friends.”
Summer shook her head and looked away.
But her aggravation was worth the wide smile that Sarah’s face now held.
“Oh, Rose, I don’t know if it will work or not, but it’s worth hoping for,” Sarah breathed with renewed life.
“And, since we are your good friends, we’ll make sure you and Noah get some alone time, in secret,” Suzanna promised.
Not being able to see Noah would be hard, but until I told him about the baby, being around him might be even more difficult.
“It won’t be easy to get us together. Everyone will be watching extra closely now,” I said.
“Don’t underestimate me. I’ve got a plan for everything.” Suzanna grinned. “Like right now, I’ve already got your next meeting arranged.”
I raised my eyebrows, suddenly weary.
“Friday night at the benefit dinner and auction,” Suzanna said.
The prospect of seeing Noah again so soon made my heart race. I was beginning to feel the tingle of excitement about Friday when I caught Summer’s deep frown. Suddenly, I was fearful all over again. I’d be seeing the Amish people I’d left behind months ago when my father had kidnapped me and relocated me to Cincinnati. I wondered if Ruth and James, my foster family, would be happy to see me and what I would do when I faced Ella—or, worse yet, Constance.
With a fresh surge of bile in my throat, I rushed out of the room to the bathroom. Maybe going to the Amish event was a bad idea, after all.
14
Noah
The line of buggies down the fence row was the most I’d ever seen. There were a lot of families from neighboring communities in attendance at the benefit, and I smiled thinking about the money our church would be pulling in for the schoolhouse.
The day was overcast but warm, and I undid my top button now that Mother was too busy with the other ladies in the kitchen to notice. As I watched three English teenage boys walk up the hill together wearing their comfortable jeans and T-shirts, I felt a bit of envy seep in. I loved my way of life, but I wasn’t fond of wearing the clothing, restricted to button-up shirts, sturdy trousers, and suspenders.
Seeing the curious stares of the boys as they passed by me, I turned away angrily. I hated being gawked at, and lately I’d noticed it more than usual.
“Why the sour face?”
Timothy looked worried. With all the craziness in my life nowadays, I understood his hesitation.
“Ah, it’s nothing—just the usual staring eyes of the outsiders.”
“Yeah, I hate that.” With a sudden burst of energy, Timothy exclaimed, “Did you see the black Saddlebred buggy horse that the Yoders donated to the sale? She’s a beautiful mare and Joshua says completely road trained.”
I smiled, picturing the horse. Throughout the day, I’d found myself back in front of her tie stall several times to admire her.
“I’m planning to bid on her. I need a new buggy horse more than anyone in the community at the moment. I hope the others will keep the price down for me to get her.”
“Will your father help out if she goes higher?”
“He said he would—but not a large amount.” Seeing Suzanna and Miranda approach, I teased, “Here comes trouble.”
Timothy’s smile made me think about my feelings for Rose and how I’d love to see her walking up to me. Unfortunately, we’d have to wait awhile longer for such a display. I purposely hadn’t mentioned the dinner and auction to her. It would be difficult to deal with my emotions in front of everyone in the community if she was nearby—especially the Schwartzes. I shivered at the thought of Rose and Constance coming face-to-face.
“Hello there. What are you boys up to?” Suzanna said as she stopped a couple of feet away from us. She was careful not to touch her boyfriend or say anything that could be overheard as being inappropriate. As usual, Miranda stood quietly staring at the ground. Even when Matthew, her own boyfriend, was beside her, she rarely spoke.
“We’re just talking. Judging by your wicked smile, I’m almost afraid to ask what you’re thinking,” Timothy said with a tight face.
Suzanna’s grin turned into a full-blown smile as she looked at me. “You don’t have to worry about a thing, Timmy. It’s Noah we came to talk to.”
“What now?” I asked with a sense of dread.
“Rose is here.”
My heart skipped, and I caught my breath. I was both elated and terrified at the same time.
“Where is she?”
“She’s eating dinner with her younger brother at the tables. She’ll meet you in her truck when darkness falls.” She pointed to the area where the cars were. “It’s parked in the back.”
I didn’t want to be rude, given her obvious excitement at having helped arrange a meeting between me and Rose, and I smiled back and said, “That’s wonderful news. Thank you.”
But inside I was reeling.
15
Rose
My eyes darted around nervously. I couldn’t eat any of the food on my plate for fear I’d throw it up in front of the entire community. Instead, I nibbled a bite here and there and pushed the mashed potatoes around with my fork.
“You really should eat something. The chicken is excellent,” Justin said as he shoved a forkful into his mouth.
I whispered, “You know why I can’t, so stop bugging me about it.”
In a very matter-of-fact way, he said, “You’ll die if you don’t eat.” He lowered his voice and added, “You need to for the baby’s sake, you know.”
“Shhh.” Frustration pricked my insides, and I took a deep breath before I whispered, “I do eat, just not very much at a time and certainly not around a bunch of snoopy people.”
“How long is this going to take? I have friends coming over tonight.”
I looked at my little brother sternly. His eyes were puffy from lack of sleep, and his skin was pale. Normally, when he got out of the house into the fresh air, he was a good-looking fifteen-year-old, but today he was suffering from some serious Xbox fatigue.
All of our lives had changed so dramatically since Mom’s death. She’d never allowed Justin to sit around in front of a TV all day gaming, and she’d never have put up with Sam’s arrogant, bossy ways, either. Most importantly, if Mom were here, I wouldn’t be pregnant—my life would be completely different right now.
But she was gone, and our lives were upside down.
“You promised if I bought you those pizzas for later, you’d come with me tonight.”
“Yeah, I did and I’m here, but we didn’t negotiate how late we’d stay,” he said with a sly grin.
I rolled my eyes. “I already told you, until after dark.” Glancing up at the pale sky, I figured the sun would set in a half hour or so, and suddenly my heart began pounding like crazy that I was about to see Noah.
A soft squeeze on my shoulder brought me around. Ruth Hershberger stood above me with a huge smile on her chubby face. The swell of emotions was too great, and even though I’d rehearsed this moment in my mind several times already, tears began streaking down my cheeks.
When I rose, she pulled me tightly into her cushy body and stroked my hair, which was loose and free. I was suddenly self-conscious that my hair wasn’t beneath a cap, and I smoothed it down when she released me.
Ruth’s eyes were shiny with moisture, but she smiled. James, Ruth’s husband, stood a few feet behind her. He was in quiet conversation with another Amish man, but he paused to look my way and nod at me. My chest tightened at the quick acknowledgment.
Ruth took my hands into her warm ones and said, “How are you, Rose? Have you settled back into your old ways?”
The questioning look in her eyes couldn’t be mistaken. There was hidden meaning in her words.
I glanced around, noticing several pairs of eyes dart away when my gaze passed over them. Everyone in the community was aware that I was here—and they were all waiting to see what happened next.
Nervous energy filled me when I said, “I’m planning to come back. I have to wait until I turn eighteen in the fall, but that’s what I want to do.”
I was partially aware of Justin’s eyes narrowing, but I ignored him to watch the look of shock pass over Ruth’s face. I understood Justin’s feelings, but I couldn’t worry about him right now. I had too much going on in my life.
“My dear girl, I wasn’t expecting you to say such a thing. I thought that being in your old life would have changed your mind.” She paused and searched around, before lowering her voice and leaning in. “Especially now that you aren’t courting Noah Miller...unless there’s something else you’d like to tell me.”
Her probing eyes brought me to my senses. Ruth was too sharp for her own good. I wanted to do this Noah’s way and help his sister out in the process. The last thing we needed was for the older women to be gossiping about our business. As much as I respected and cared for Ruth, she was still one of authority.
Thinking quickly, I said, “Oh, no, there are no secrets these days. I’m going to do as my dad wants and give my world another chance before I make a definite decision.”
She nodded and brought me back into a quick hug. She whispered in my ear, “You’re always welcome to come back. If you need anything at all, you can trust me.”