The Drowning Pool

‘Hmm. Pine cones. The cedar is the tree of life. Did you know that? It’s bound to be a symbolic gesture. We just have to work out what it represents,’ Marie ruminated. I took another sip of wine. She cleared her voice. ‘Do you want to know what I think?’

I wasn’t sure I did at that point but I answered her yes.

She looked up away from the screen, gathering her thoughts. ‘She’s disturbed, this being.’ She took a moment then continued. ‘I think that she’s here because of you.’

At this I balked. ‘Hey, I haven’t invited her in. I didn’t do anything to wish this on myself or my child! Don’t say that.’

Marie held a hand up. ‘Not knowingly you haven’t, but sometimes when manifestations occur it can be the slightest thing that activates them: a change in hormone levels, puberty in adolescents, arguments. Have you had any work done on the house recently? Held a séance?’

I shook my head vigorously. ‘No, no. None of those things. And I wouldn’t meddle with the occult. That’s not my bag.’

Marie finished her tea and put her mug on the desk. ‘Well, she’s after something, Sarah, and whatever it is, it’s connected to you.’

I poured myself another glass of wine and considered it. ‘Is it possible that I’m imagining this? That maybe there is something going on with my brain and you’re picking it up? Like a shared delusion? Could I be projecting this?’

Her eyes softened and despite the distance her sympathy touched me. ‘Anything is possible, honey. I think you should go back to the doc and tell him what’s been going on. Carefully, though. Even if this thing is a symptom, it’s symbolizing something. You need to find out what and understand it. You know, I have friends who come to me when they’re sick. They want me to tell them not to heed the recommendations of their doctors and to give them herbs and chants that can cure them instead. My advice to them is the same to you – do everything – mix the conventional with the unconventional. It’s all there for a reason. And whatever’s going on with you, it’s there for a reason too.’

‘OK, I’ll make an appointment. But what do you suggest I do about …’ I tried to find the right word, ‘… the manifestation?’

Marie cocked her head. ‘Well, if you want, we could try it again? See if she comes through? Then you could ask her what she wants.’

I shuddered violently and took another gulp of wine. It wasn’t what I wanted. But nor did the alternative appeal – waiting around for something else to happen.

Marie coughed. ‘I’ve got to work tomorrow and Wednesday but I could dial in on Thursday?’

That sounded far enough away for me to acquire a backbone so I agreed.

‘But email me if you need to before.’

I told her I would.

‘Oh yes, one more thing,’ she said, reaching for her mouse to terminate the session. ‘Imagine yourself and your son in brilliant and vivid spheres of blue – once in the morning and once in the evening. That’ll protect you. Not that I think she’s harmful. But it might make you feel more secure, yeah?’

I nodded then sat there for twenty minutes after she signed off doing just that. Then, when I could not concentrate any more, I took my wine and sat outside on the deck. I hadn’t been out there since Saturday night and I was jumpy. But the night was balmy and the wine was calming my pulse.

Things were happening.

I couldn’t escape that.

Although my instinct was to bury my head in Leigh sand and pretend things were OK, I knew that soon I would have to face my fears. Once you acknowledge that something is going to happen you take away much of its dreadful power. As I sat there on the hot June night I experienced something akin to relief.

I didn’t know it then but I was taking my first step of the journey.

I had no idea just how much it would change everything.

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