Practicing Parenthood

CHAPTER FOUR

MADISON FELT STUNNED as she stared at the ring. Could this really be happening? He was asking her to be his wife? She glanced up at Collin. His green eyes were serious; this was no joke.

“So?” he asked, handing her the box. A respectable diamond, she noticed. It must’ve cost a pretty penny.

He ducked down quickly, opened his backpack and pulled out a bouquet of wilted roses. “Oh, and here.” He thrust them at her. She took the flowers but ignored the box.

That was his proposal? There was nothing romantic in it. Hell, she wasn’t even sure he liked her, much less loved her, and he was proposing marriage? Why? Because one of his little guys had slipped past her goaltender? The ring was impressive; he, however, was not.

“That’s your proposal.” Madison crossed her arms, feeling a flare of anger in her chest. This was the best he could do? He couldn’t even muster up an actual question? She’d always imagined when the time came for a man to propose marriage, it would go very differently than this.

“Well, yes. I’m making an honest woman of you.”

What? She glanced at his face, so smug, so confident, so sure she’d only have one answer for him. He hadn’t even gotten down on one knee. Not that she was the kind of girl who demanded old-fashioned subservience, but...why wasn’t he trying harder?

He attempted to hand her the velvet box, and her heart thudded in her chest.

“What year is it? 1812?” Madison jabbed a fist into her hip.

“Hey, hey.” Once more, Collin held out the box, and the diamond glinted brightly in the sunlight, but Madison wasn’t about to take it.

“I’m doing the right thing,” he said.

There it was again, Madison thought, that tone of superiority. The right thing. He was so certain about what that was, and yet, he hadn’t even asked her opinion. He’d made a unilateral decision.

“What makes you think I’m keeping the baby?” she asked, and she could tell by the expression on his face that that threw him for a loop. Even though she was, she hated that he was deciding for her.

“Because...you’re always the softhearted lawyer. You’re always telling the jury about how they should have pity on this client or that client, and I assumed...” He frowned at her and stopped talking, then ran a hand through his hair. “You have to keep this baby.”

“I think it’s my decision.”

“Oh, no, no.” Collin was pacing now, a bundle of furious energy. “That’s our baby. It’s our decision.”

This just made Madison more furious. He wasn’t the one who had to carry the baby, give birth to the baby, nurse the baby. How was it half his decision?

“I came all this way, and I bought this ring, and you’re telling me you’re really considering an abortion?”

The word abortion felt like a slap. She didn’t like to think about it. She knew plenty of women who had no issue with it, but Collin was right about one thing; she had a tender heart. That also meant she’d never in a million years judge another woman who decided to get one. She understood now with perfect clarity just how your life could be sidelined in a heartbeat with too many drinks and one bad choice. She’d already made the decision to keep the baby, but now that Collin was here, that decision had just become more complicated. Collin wanted to be part of the relationship between her and the child. That was a possibility she’d never considered. Now, having the baby meant...having Collin in her life to some degree. She hadn’t planned on that.

Suddenly, the room felt airless, stuffy. Madison wanted to get away from Collin. She moved to the kitchen to get herself a glass of water. Her throat was dry and she was starting to feel light-headed. All she wanted to do was lie down.

But Collin wasn’t finished as he trailed her into the kitchen. “And you weren’t even going to tell me about it? I have a right to know. That’s our baby.”

Madison snorted. “Our. There’s no our anything,” she grumbled. After all, it was Collin who’d made it abundantly clear that he wanted nothing to do with her.

Collin followed her to the refrigerator. His shoulders seemed to take up all the space in the kitchen, and she felt trapped. “I’m doing the right thing, and you should, too,” he said.

Oh, here it was again. Collin’s obsession with right and wrong. It made him a fantastic prosecutor but also generally insufferable. Heaven forbid anybody should actually be a human being around him. Madison set down her glass of water near the sink and scowled at him.

“There he is... Mr. High-and-Mighty. I wondered when he was going to show up.” Madison crossed her arms. “Do you ever get tired of your high horse? Isn’t the air thin up there?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Collin crossed his arms and glared back at her.

“You’re full of yourself, that’s what.” Madison poked Collin in the chest, her finger bouncing off his muscles. “You never returned any of my calls. Or texts. You wanted nothing to do with me, but now you hear I’m pregnant, and suddenly you show up thinking I’m going to what...be grateful?”

The stunned look on Collin’s face told her that was exactly what he’d thought.

“But...why wouldn’t you be...happy or grateful or whatever?” Collin asked. “I’m offering to marry you. I never even date defense attorneys. But I’m willing to put all that aside and make up for my mistake, because now there’s a baby on the way and... I’m offering you my support and my name and—”

“Don’t talk about me and my profession like we’re somehow less than human. Defense attorneys are people, too,” Madison snapped. “And, for your information, I don’t need your support.” Madison was growing fed up with this kind of thinking. It wasn’t the 1800s. Or, hell, even the 1900s. “I don’t need your name, either. You may not know this, counselor, but I probably make more money than you. Those defense attorneys you hate so much often make more than you prosecutors.”

“Not always.”

“Pretty much always.” Madison glared at him again.

Collin looked uncertain. The prosecutor who almost never lost a closing argument seemed adrift. “You have to keep the baby. You have to marry me,” Collin said, still looking dumbfounded. Apparently, he hadn’t considered the possibility that she’d say no, which irked her even more.

“I don’t have to do anything,” Madison said. But as the words left her mouth, she knew that was partly a lie. She was compelled to look at Collin’s full lips, his perfect squared-off chin. Even in this moment of annoyance, she found herself attracted to the man, a feeling completely and utterly out of her control.

“I don’t get it. You don’t want to marry me?” The disappointment in his eyes caught her by surprise. Her rejection hurt him, something she hadn’t thought possible. Madison’s head pounded; she was tired and strangely sad. Why did she feel like she was going to cry? She hated the look of hope on his face—and the feeling of hopelessness in her own chest.

“I think you should go.” Madison pointed to the patio door. “I have a headache. And I need to rest.” Fatigue hit her, and suddenly all the energy left her body. And then there was the feeling of sadness that threatened to crush her.

She ushered Collin to the door.

“But...”

“You need to go. I am not making any decisions until the end of the week, okay? Right now, I need to lie down before I fall down.” She opened the front door and he went, almost in a daze.

“You don’t want to marry me,” he reiterated.

“No, Collin, I don’t,” she said. Then, she shut the glass door in his face.

* * *

“THAT DID NOT go well,” Collin said aloud, but the only one who heard him was the little green gecko darting by his feet on the porch. He stared at the closed door. Madison had closed the blinds, so he couldn’t even look in. Still, Collin stood on the porch, swatting away mosquitoes.

What the hell do I do now? A nagging mosquito bit his neck and Collin slapped it hard. Damn bloodsuckers. Sometimes he hated Florida. He’d been raised in the Bronx and there, mosquitoes never got this big. But he’d gone to law school in Florida, since they’d offered him the biggest scholarship, and after graduation he’d gotten an internship and then a job in the state attorney’s office. And he’d stayed, but he sometimes wished he was back in New York.

“If only I could put the entire mosquito population in jail,” he mused as he adjusted his backpack on his shoulders and headed back to the main office on foot, the ring feeling heavy and suddenly way too expensive in his pocket. He was still reeling from her rejection. He hadn’t been one hundred percent sure she’d say yes, but he realized he’d never really entertained the notion that she’d say no.

Where had he gone wrong? He knew Madison wasn’t like other women he’d dated. She was fiercely independent, and she hadn’t bothered chasing after him when he hadn’t returned her texts, but still... Why hadn’t she accepted his help? Then again, maybe she didn’t need his help.

He shook his head as he wondered whether or not he ought to see if he could get a refund on the ring. He also had no idea what to do if Madison terminated her pregnancy.

Part of him felt strongly that she wouldn’t do that, though. She was one of the biggest-hearted defense attorneys he knew. She couldn’t spin those sob stories to the jury if she didn’t believe them, and Collin’s gut told her she’d be even more protective of her own baby.

Then it’s my job to convince her we ought to get married. He didn’t see it as a sexist thing at all. Madison might be convinced she didn’t need him, but he was convinced the baby did.

After two wrong turns, he ended up back at the office. The door opened with a telltale ding of the bell, and Yvana glanced at him with pity.

“She said no, huh?”

“Why aren’t you surprised?” Collin asked, leaning against the counter, wondering if Yvana knew more than she let on. He swiped at his sweaty brow and tried to enjoy the air-conditioning in the office.

“Oh, I’ve known Maddie a long time,” Yvana said. “Babysat her when she was little. She’s as stubborn a girl as I ever met. You couldn’t get her to do anything unless she thought it was her idea.”

Collin chuckled ruefully. “I learned that the hard way.”

Yvana shook her head slowly, her golden hoop earrings catching the sunlight. “What’re you gonna do? Pack it in? Ferry comes about half an hour from now.”

“No,” Collin said, suddenly feeling a new wave of determination. He hadn’t given up on law school when things had gotten difficult. He wasn’t about to throw in the towel now. That was something his no-good father would have done. Quit when the going got tough. Not him.

Madison wasn’t the only one who had a stubborn streak. “Do you have a house to rent? Preferably close to Madison?”

“Well, well, well.” Yvana raised her eyebrows in surprise. “You’re determined. I’m starting to like you,” Yvana said as she clacked away on her keyboard. “You’re in luck. The Petersons’ house next door is available for rent. You want the whole week?”

“How about just one night?”

Yvana laughed. “Oh, honey, you’re gonna need longer than that,” she said. “I’ll put you down for the week. Maybe two. You can always change the reservation if you convince her earlier—but, honey, let me warn you. She ain’t an easy one.”

CHAPTER FIVE

COLLIN WOKE THE next morning inside the little two-bedroom cottage on stilts, wondering for a second where he was. Then he saw the black velvet box on his nightstand, and all the events from the day before came rushing back. He sat up and yawned, still remembering the steely look on Madison’s face when she’d refused to marry him. Clearly, Madison had been angry with him, and he guessed, if he really thought about it, he understood. He hadn’t exactly been nice after they’d...done the deed. Worrying about office protocol and breaking office rules was probably something he should’ve done before they got naked. But Madison was just irresistible. He supposed he should’ve told her that after they’d slept together instead of ignoring her texts.

He’d messed up. He got that, but a baby changed things, didn’t it?

And why wasn’t he getting any points for standing up and taking responsibility? That was what he didn’t get. Then again, since when did anyone ever give him points for that? His childhood on the poor side of the Bronx should’ve taught him that much. Guys who cut corners—like his father, like the hoods on the street—they got the instant payoff. Good guys had to work harder for theirs. He knew that, had always known it.

The sunlight beamed in through Collin’s open bedroom window; the blinds were permanently stuck in the “up” position. He was normally an early riser, but dawn was earlier than even he normally got up. He glanced around the small room. Everything about this house was smaller and less impressive than Madison’s. Or, rather, her uncle’s. His, too, was on stilts, and stood three stories high, though only two were enclosed, the first being open to the elements, with an outside shower and a small shed for garden tools. The two properties faced one another, and all that separated their properties was a small green space of a shared yard, and a few trees. Their porches and balconies faced one another, though as he glanced at her home now, he couldn’t see her. She must be inside. The yard was surprisingly manicured, most of the island was brush and trees where it wasn’t beach—like a series of crisscrossing sandy trails through bits of tropical jungle. This house badly needed a new coat of paint—and a kitchen and bathroom remodel. However, it was close to Madison’s, which was all that mattered.

He wondered what he ought to do. Call Madison? Go over and offer to get her breakfast? Neither of those things seemed likely to impress a woman who was totally pissed at him. He looked again at Madison’s deck and checked for signs of life. He didn’t see any. Collin sighed. He had no idea what his next move should be. If he was prosecuting a defendant, he would have been able to call his next witness or file a motion before the judge, but now, he felt at a total loss. Madison had told him flat-out no, and it wasn’t as if he could appeal her decision to a higher authority. He rubbed his face and dragged himself to the bathroom where a brown gecko darted across the tile floor. Collin swished mouthwash around to rid himself of stale morning breath and glanced at his bare chest in the mirror. He worked out. He took care of himself. He was a good-looking guy—if he did say so himself—with a promising career. None of that seemed to matter to Madison, though.

He sighed again. Maybe he was a little egocentric, but he was proud of his accomplishments and of his career. He’d put in a lot of effort and defied all the odds to get where he was. He thought about the two jobs his mother had done, her late nights and early mornings, all by herself, working to support him and his sister. She’d passed away of a heart attack the year after he graduated from law school, but at least she’d gotten to see him land a job at the state attorney’s office. She was so proud of him, and he had every right to be proud of himself. Was that ego or just fact?

Collin headed to the kitchen, where he found a refrigerator empty of everything except a bottle of ketchup and a cabinet that had coffee filters but zero coffee. He hadn’t expected to be staying alone or in this house. He’d imagined being wrapped up in Madison’s arms...or at the very least, sharing a meal with her. He hadn’t brought groceries, and now he realized he’d probably have to go to the small convenience store near the pool for supplies, or simply eat out every meal. He groaned.

Peering up at the line of windows, he looked out on the treetops below and Madison’s backyard. When he opened the sliding glass door, he could see all of Madison’s yard from the porch on, since the first floor of the house was raised a story and a half above the ground. He went out onto the wooden deck barefoot and shirtless, wearing only his sleep shorts. Just then, he saw Madison emerge from a path near the shrubs carrying a watering can. She walked leisurely to a couple of potted plants nearby, where she watered some blooming bright pink flowers.

Collin watched for a second, risking the chance that she might look up and see him. Madison’s dark hair hung loose past her shoulders, her eyes focused on the task. Usually, she wore her hair up in a tight bun in the courtroom. He remembered that on the night they’d shared he’d run his hands through it, and it had been thicker than he’d imagined. He could tell that she wore no makeup and just a pair of gym shorts and a tank top, but the sun hit her glowing skin in a manner that made her seem younger than thirty. He wanted to touch that smooth skin again, almost forgetting what it had felt like. Damn those drinks that fogged my memory, he thought. She moved gently, easily. Was she a little thicker around the middle? He wasn’t sure, although, she did seem softer somehow, her curves curvier. He tried to see where a baby bump might be forming, but saw nothing except a perfect figure. The woman was breathtaking. That was why she was so impossible to reject that night, he thought. He remembered the way she’d reached up on her tiptoes to kiss him, the energy flowing between them, the attraction neither one could resist.

This woman is carrying my baby. The very idea still shook him.

Then a yellow blur dashed across his peripheral vision. He turned, glanced around the low-lying green leafy trees. What was that? He saw another blur of light colored fur. Yellow? Gray? He couldn’t be sure. Too big to be a cat. A dog? It was close to Madison’s backyard—and she didn’t have a fence. What if it was a rabid dog? A dangerous one? Did they have coyotes on this island? Suddenly, he felt fearful. For Madison. For his baby.

“Madison!” Collin shouted, but she kept her back to him. That was when he saw the white earbuds, their wires trailing from her ears. Dammit! He watched, frozen, as the blur he’d seen in the trees broke free and headed at top speed toward Madison’s turned back. Collin was already on the move, skidding down the wooden steps that led to their shared drive, nearly falling over himself as his bare feet hit the rocky path. He didn’t feel the pricks of the tiny shells and pebbles on the soles of his feet as he sprinted over shrubs and through thorny bushes to Madison’s yard. He heard a loud screech and went faster, breaking through the cover of thick branches in time to see a shaggy yellow dog licking Madison’s face. She was flat on her back, and he had a single paw on her chest. He looked tame, but the adrenaline rushing through Collin’s veins told him she’d been knocked to the ground by this...animal, no matter how adorable he seemed.

“Get off her!” Collin roared and rushed forward to push the dog away.

“Collin!” Madison chastised. “It’s fine... He’s just a puppy.”

“That thing? That’s no puppy!”

“He is,” Madison insisted. “Look at the size of his paws. He’s all clumsy... He’s just a big puppy.”

Collin glanced down at the dog’s enormous paws, oversized for its body. Though, now that he was closer, he saw that the dog was smaller than he’d first thought. He was mostly fur. The dog probably weighed only thirty pounds.

“What if he’s rabid?”

“I’m sure he’s not,” Madison said. He saw that she took notice of his shirtless chest, her eyes momentarily on his torso. Was it his imagination or did her eyes linger there a bit longer than they ought to? Well, let her look. He hadn’t had time to throw on a shirt. He’d thought she was being mauled by a rabid dog.

“He knocked you down.” Collin still felt his heart thudding as he reached out and helped her to her feet. “Are you okay? Is...” He couldn’t even get out the word baby. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” Madison said as she shook a leaf out of her hair, then batted his hands away. “He didn’t knock me down. He surprised me, and I slipped.”

“Same difference.” He shifted, the sandy soil filled with shells poking at his bare feet. “You all right?” he asked once more.

“Fine,” she snapped. “I told you. And what are you even doing here? I thought you went home.”

“You thought wrong. I rented the house next door.”

“Why?”

He heard a note of annoyance in her voice. He was worried about her—was that a crime? For a second, she reminded him of his mother: stoic, stubborn, refusing to admit she ever needed help. The woman would work until she collapsed, never complaining.

“Because we need to talk.”

Before Madison could answer, the shaggy yellow dog barked. He looked like some dog experiment gone wrong. His poofy, curly yellow fur hung in his eyes, and his shaggy coat made him look, at a guess, part poodle and part sheepdog. Or maybe part golden retriever. The little guy had big floppy ears and a long fluffy tail that curled up like the feather on a musketeer’s hat. He wore no collar, and bits of leaves and brush were poking out of his thick fur. Collin had never been much of an animal person—living with a single mom in the Bronx meant he’d never had a dog growing up. His mother barely had enough money to buy them food, much less food for a pet. Collin had spent most of his childhood convincing himself he’d never wanted one, anyway. He studied the dog with suspicion.

Madison, however, leaned down and ran her hands through the dog’s furry head, scratching him behind the ears.

“Who’s a good boy?” she said. “You look just like a teddy bear.”

“If a wolf can look like a teddy bear,” Collin grumbled.

She continued to rub the dog and his back foot instantly began bobbing, as if he was trying to scratch an invisible itch.

“Aw, you’re adorable, yes, you are.” Madison’s voice went high and baby-like, and Collin felt a stab of jealousy. Why did she like this strange little stray mutt more than him?

“He probably has fleas,” he said, noticing how much the dog seemed to appreciate being pet nearly anywhere, as Madison continued massaging his back and he kept moving gleefully to divert her attention to a new spot.

Madison ignored Collin’s remark. “You don’t have a collar,” she said. “Who’s your owner, boy?” She waited patiently as if the dog might answer her.

“You know he can’t speak, right?” Collin pointed out, but Madison just frowned.

“You’re thirsty, aren’t you? And hungry. When was the last time you had a drink?” She shook her head. Why was that her problem? Collin wondered. “Wait with him. Don’t let him leave,” Madison ordered, as she ran up the wooden staircase to her front door.

“But...” Collin didn’t like dogs. Or cats. Or anything with fur and teeth. He stared down at the dog, who had a big pink tongue hanging out its mouth as it panted, and he had no idea what he was supposed to do. The dog pushed his nose up against his crotch to sniff.

“Hey, back off,” he said, squirming in the opposite direction. Then, as he was trying to maneuver farther back, the dog gave his hand a big sticky lick. Ew. Probably all kinds of germs in that drool, he thought with disgust, as he wiped his hand on his shorts. The dog leaned forward again and licked his toes. Collin nearly leaped a mile straight in the air. “That’s it... You...” He jumped away from the dog and nearly fell. He had half a mind to scare the dog off. A stray wasn’t their problem, no matter how much Madison wanted to make it hers.

She emerged with a bowl of water, a small belt and a white nylon rope. She put the bowl down in front of the mangy mutt, and he began lapping up the water as if he hadn’t had any in days.

“Thought you looked thirsty, boy,” she said as she bent down and wrapped her belt around the dog’s neck, using it as a makeshift collar. She attached the nylon rope and tied it to one of the posts of her front steps. “Now you won’t run off before we can find your owner.”