His By Any Means
“It really was.” She could see that now and accept J.D.’s bequest for the gift it was. She didn’t care anymore if people talked. As Sage had pointed out, either way, she couldn’t stop them, so why shouldn’t she be grateful to J.D. and enjoy what he’d tried to give her?
Sage.
Just the thought of his name sent ripples of anticipation racing through her. It had been three days since their dinner together, and the one-time-only night to talk about J.D. had turned into something more. Sage had taken her to a movie two nights ago, and last night to a country-western club for dancing. She still didn’t understand why he wanted to spend so much time with her, but she was enjoying herself more than she would have thought possible.
Dragging herself away from thoughts of Sage, Colleen focused on what she’d come to tell her mother. “There’s more, Mom.”
“More?” Laura just blinked at her. “You have financial security. You’re about to make your dream job a reality. What’s left?”
“Your dreams.”
“What?” Her mother had the wary look in her eyes that she used to get when Colleen was a child and up to something.
“You know how you’re always talking about moving to Florida to live with Aunt Donna?”
The two sisters were both widows now, and they’d discussed for years how much fun it would be if they could live together. But neither of them had been able to afford the move, so it just hadn’t been possible. Until now.
“Yessss...”
“Well, you’re going to.”
“I’m—” Her mother’s mouth snapped shut. “Don’t be silly.”
“It’s not silly.” Colleen had it all worked out in her mind. In fact, since the reading of the will three days before, she’d spent a lot of time on the phone, talking to lawyers, bankers, real estate agents and travel agencies. She had wanted every detail clear in her mind before broaching the subject to her mother. It had all been worth it, too, because as she started laying out her plans, Laura was dumbstruck.
“I’ve found a perfect house for you and Aunt Donna. It’s gorgeous and it’s in this lovely retirement community outside Orlando.”
“You can’t do that, you don’t have the money yet and—”
Colleen cut her off quickly. “It’s amazing how willing banks are to give you a line of credit based on a lawyer’s sworn affidavit that a will’s bequest is coming.”
“You didn’t.”
“Oh, yes, I did.” Walter Drake wasn’t the easiest lawyer to talk to, but he had assured Colleen that she would be able to draw on her bequest almost immediately. And he’d gone out of his way to set up the line of credit with a local bank.
Laura pushed out of the chair and walked the few steps to the narrow, galley-style kitchen. Busily, she filled a teakettle with water and set it on the stove, all the while shaking her head and muttering.
“Mom—”
“You shouldn’t have done that, Colleen,” her mother said, not even looking at her. She turned the fire on under the kettle, then grabbed two mugs from a cupboard and dropped a tea bag into each of them. “I don’t want you spending money on me. I want you to have that money to keep you safe.”
Colleen’s heart turned over. Her mom was the most unselfish person she’d ever known in her life. She always gave and never once had she done anything purely for herself. Well, that was about to change, whether she liked it or not.
Joining her mother in the kitchen, Colleen gave her a hard hug, then said, “I couldn’t spend all of that money if I tried and you know it.”
“Just the same—”
“Mom.” Colleen tried another tack. “Getting a house for you and Donna, so you can live without the snow making your arthritis worse, that makes me feel great. And, I only put a down payment on it. I would never buy you a house you haven’t even seen.”
“I don’t like this...”
“You will,” Colleen said, hugging her again. “And anyway, if you don’t like the house, we’ll find something else. I just thought it would be a good idea because this community has people to take care of your yard and watch over your house while you’re traveling—”
“Traveling?”
This was so much fun, it was like Christmas morning. Colleen grinned. “Yes. You’re going to travel. Just like you always wanted to.”
“Honey, enough. You know I can’t let you do this. Any of it.” Laura finally found her voice and naturally she was using it to try to turn down her daughter’s generosity.
“Too late, it’s already done.” Colleen hurried back into the living room, grabbed her purse and carried it back to the kitchen. She set it onto the small round table, slid one hand inside and came back up with a batch of cruise brochures. Handing them over to her mother, she tapped her index finger on the top one.
“A world cruise?” Laura dropped into one of the kitchen chairs as if she’d suddenly gone boneless.
“Yes.” Colleen really did feel like Santa. A tall, busty Santa with big feet. “It doesn’t leave for another three months, though, so you and Aunt Donna have plenty of time to get your passports and shopping done, and I thought we could talk about your moving to Florida as soon as you get back. Of course, if you’d rather move right away, I understand, but I don’t know that I’m ready to have you leave just yet and...”
She stopped talking when she saw the tears spill from her mother’s eyes and run down her cheeks. “Don’t cry. You’re supposed to be happy! Did I mention that you and Aunt Donna are going to be sharing the presidential suite on your cruise? There are pictures in the brochure. You have a full balcony. And butler service and twenty-four-hour room service and—”
Laura choked out a laugh, then lifted one hand to her mouth, shaking her head in disbelief.
“Mom, are you okay?”
“I don’t think so,” she murmured, staring down at the brightly colored brochures displaying pictures of England, Scotland, Switzerland and more. “I can’t let you do this, honey...”
“Mom.” Colleen hugged her mother tightly, then leaned back and looked into watery blue eyes much like her own. “You’ve given me everything for so long. I want to do this. I can do this now and if you fight me on it—”
Laura laughed a little again. “You’ll what?”
“I’ll hold my breath.” She smiled, hoping to coax an answering smile from her mother. Holding her breath had been her threat of choice when she was a little girl and using it now was a deliberate choice.
“You never could stop talking long enough to hold your breath for long,” her mother finally said, and Colleen knew she’d won.
“Well, I had very important things to say. Just like now.” She plucked one of the brochures from her mother’s hands and spread it open, showing the sumptuous cabin her mother and aunt would be sharing on their twelve-week cruise. “Just look at this, Mom. Can you imagine?”
“No,” she said, sliding one hand across the high-gloss paper, “I really can’t.”
“I’m going to want lots of pictures cluttering up my in-box.”
“I’ll email every day.” She frowned. “They do have computers on board, right?”
“Absolutely. Complete with Skype. We can talk face-to-face whenever you have time.” As she thought about it, she said, “Maybe we’ll get you a computer tablet, too, so you can video chat with me from Stonehenge!”
“Donna’s not going to believe this,” her mother whispered, unable to tear her gaze away from the pictures of a dream of a lifetime coming true.
Six
A few hours later, Colleen sat across from Sage in a local coffee shop. “You should have seen my mother’s face,” she said, grinning at the memory.
“She must have been shocked.” He could imagine. Hearing her talk about what she’d done for her mother had stunned Sage into silence himself.
Far from the grasping, manipulative woman he’d assumed her to be, she’d arranged for her mother and aunt to have the trip they’d always dreamed instead of spending her money on herself. Admiration flowed through him, along with the desire that had become as familiar to him as breathing over the past few days.
Since that first dinner hadn’t brought him any information, Sage had made it his business to spend as much time with Colleen as possible. Though they hadn’t been able to speak at the movies, watching her reaction to the drama playing out on the screen had fascinated him. Tears, laughter, a jolt of surprise at the happy ending—she was so easy to read and at the same time, so damn complicated he didn’t know what to make of her.
Long ago, he had decided that women weren’t to be trusted. That they turned their emotions on and off at whim, the better to acquire whatever they happened to be after at the time. Tears were a woman’s best weapon, as he’d discovered early on. But on the surface, at least, Colleen seemed...different.
And that both intrigued and worried him.
“Oh, she really was.” Shaking her head, she picked up her burger and took a bite, still smiling. “Mom and Aunt Donna have been planning fantasy trips for years. They go back and forth, deciding what hotels they’ll stay in, what countries they’ll see. They go online and look up cruise packages, just to torture themselves.” She took a breath and sighed happily. “Knowing that they’re going to actually get to go and experience everything they’ve always talked about is just...amazing.”
“You’re amazing,” he murmured, thinking his voice was so soft it would be lost in the clatter and noise from the rest of the patrons surrounding them.
He should have known she’d hear him.
“Why?”
Sage shrugged, sat back in the booth and draped one arm along the back. “Most people, receiving a windfall like you did? They’d go out and buy themselves fast cars, a house that’s too big and too expensive, all kinds of things. But you didn’t. You bought your mother’s dreams.”
She smiled. “What a nice way to put it.”
Her eyes were shining and that smile lit her face up like a damn beacon. Something inside him turned over and he was pretty sure it was his heart. That was unsettling. Sage had spent most of his life carefully building a wall around his heart, keeping out anything that might touch him too deeply. His family was one thing. His brother and sister were a part of him, and he accepted the risk of loving them because there was no way he could live without them.
But to love a woman? To trust love? No. He’d nearly made that mistake years ago, and he’d steered clear of it ever since. He’d had a narrow escape and hadn’t come away unscathed even at that. So the women he allowed into his life now were nothing like Colleen. They were temporary distractions...just blips on a radar that was finely tuned for self-protection. Colleen was something different. If she was who he now believed her to be, then he had no business being around her. But for the life of him, he couldn’t stay away.
Frowning now, he said, “What about your plans? Your dreams?”
She picked up her iced tea and took a long drink. “Well, I already told you my main goal. I’m going to get my nurse practitioner’s license.”
“Because?”
“Because what I’d really like to do is have a rural practice,” she said, leaning toward him over the table.
He caught himself wishing she was wearing that red dress again so he could get another peek at her luscious breasts. Instead though, she wore an emerald-green sweater over a white T-shirt with a slightly V-shaped neckline. Her jeans were soft and faded and hugged her curves like a lover’s hands. And even the casual clothing couldn’t dispel the desire that pumped through him just sitting across from her.
For a man who prided himself on his rational thinking and ability to concentrate on the task at hand, it grated that while she talked, all he could think about was laying her down atop the table and burying himself deep inside her.
“There are a lot of people in the high country who live so remotely it’s hard to get into town to see a doctor,” she was saying and he could read the excitement on her face with every word she spoke. “Or if they can, they can’t afford it.”
She kept surprising him.
Wanting to devote herself to a rural practice would be a hard, even dangerous way to build a career. Why wasn’t she like other women? Why wasn’t she making plans for spa trips and exclusive shopping excursions? Hell, she’d bought her mother and aunt an around-the-world cruise. But for herself, she wanted to live and work in the wilderness areas?
That thought settled in his mind and his brain drew up a series of uncomfortable images. Colleen trying to dig her way out of a blizzard. Colleen’s little Jeep careening off a mountain road and sailing down into a rock-strewn canyon. Colleen freezing to death in her car because she’d gotten lost.
His stomach twisted into knots and he told himself that it was none of his business if she wanted to risk her life by working somewhere she had no knowledge of. He was only with her to find out what she knew. There was no real relationship between them. She wasn’t his to protect.
But damn it, someone had to set her straight.
“Driving up into the mountains from Cheyenne is going to make for a hell of a commute. Especially in winter,” he pointed out, with a warning note in his tone that he hoped would get past the spirit of adventure he saw so clearly in her eyes.
Colleen flashed him a smile that shone from those cornflower-blue eyes and hit him like a sledgehammer.
“That’s part two of my plan,” she said, clearly pleased with herself. “I’m not going to be commuting every day. That would be silly and time-consuming. Instead, I’m selling my condo and I’m going to buy a cabin or a small house higher up in the mountains.”
Those mental images rose up again, only this time, he saw Colleen in a remote cabin, no help for miles around. An icicle dropped down his spine.
“And live there by yourself?” He didn’t like the sound of that. Not that there were a million crazies running around the mountains or anything, but hell, you didn’t need a human enemy to worry about. Nature could kill you just for the hell of it. And nature in the wilderness had attitude.
“I’m a big girl,” she countered, airily brushing aside his concerns. “I can take care of myself.”
“No doubt,” he said, though he doubted it very much. “In the city. Where there are police to call if you need help. Neighbors right next door. Grocery stores. Not to mention that you grew up in California. What do you know about digging yourself out of ten-foot snowdrifts or how to stockpile firewood for winter? What do you know about driving on roads that haven’t been cleared by the county after a storm?”
She frowned a little, then took a breath and admitted, “Okay, there’s a learning curve. But I can adapt. I’ll figure it out as I go. It’ll be another adventure.”
“Learning as you go can turn it into a final adventure.”
Sighing, Colleen pushed her lunch plate to one side, apparently losing her appetite as they talked. She took another sip of her iced tea, then set the glass down. “Why are you raining on my parade, Sage? You live up on the mountain and you love it.”
“This isn’t about shooting down your dreams, Colleen,” he said tightly. “This is about being realistic. Thinking things through.”
“I have thought it through. I’ve been thinking about this for years.” She leaned even closer and Sage was caught in her eyes. “I could make a real difference in people’s lives.”
“Or end your own,” he told her, hating that the shine in her eyes dimmed a little at his words. But better she be disappointed than in danger. “I was raised up there, Colleen. I know how to survive bad weather. More than that, I know not to turn my back on the mountain. I don’t take anything for granted.”
“You weren’t born knowing all of that, though,” she said, determination clear in her voice. “You learned. So can I.”
Sage tore his gaze from hers and glanced around the coffee shop. He needed a minute to get ahold of himself. To keep from ordering her to stay off the damn mountain. Conversations rose and fell from the dozens of customers gathered in the sunlit restaurant. An occasional burst of laughter rang out, and the scent of coffee and hamburgers hung in the air. Coming here to the coffee shop had seemed like a good idea at the time. With the amount of tension he’d been living with the past few days, he’d figured that taking Colleen to a crowded place in the middle of the day was one way to help him keep a tight grip on his control. Naturally, that wasn’t working out as he’d planned. Pretty much nothing had since he’d first met Colleen.
Shaking his head grimly, Sage noticed the number of strange faces among the crowd. Tourists were streaming into Cheyenne already, clogging up the streets and making the restaurants even more crowded than usual. Soon, the summer crowds would be arriving. By the end of July, thousands would be here for Cheyenne Frontier Days, reliving the Old West and enjoying the world’s largest outdoor rodeo. There would be ten days of parades, carnivals and food fairs. For a second, he thought about the rodeo itself and remembered what it had been like to ride in front of thousands of cheering people.
Of course, it wasn’t just the rodeo that drew people to Cheyenne. Summer was filled with tourist attractions from the eight-foot-tall painted fiberglass cowboy boots situated all over the city to the carefully staged, G-rated “gunfights” acted out daily by the Cheyenne Gunslingers. There were tours, art festivals and so many other activities, people came to Cheyenne and poured hundreds of thousands of dollars into the local economy.
As for Sage, he tried to stay on the mountain to avoid all of those people. He spent summers working with the horses and trying to forget that there was a world outside his ranch. Right now, though, summer was still months away and Sage’s mind was preoccupied by the thought of Colleen, midwinter, all alone on the mountain. Cold dropped into the pit of his stomach and stayed there.
He shifted his gaze back to hers and barked, “You can’t do it.”
“Excuse me?” Her face went blank for an instant, and then her cheeks flushed with color and her eyes started firing sparks at him.
“Maybe I put that the wrong way,” he allowed, since he hadn’t been thinking at all when the words shot from his throat.
“You think?”
* * *
Colleen felt a quick spurt of irritation, then squashed it again quickly. Yes, Sage was being a little authoritarian, but he had backed off quickly, too, hadn’t he? It was in his nature to take command. She could tell that by the way he stood, so tall and alert, his gaze constantly darting around his surroundings, as if checking for any problem that might arise. He was the kind of man who would always do what he could to keep people safe—whether they appreciated it or not.
And now, he was trying to protect her. Which made her feel good enough that she was willing to overlook the fact that he was also trying to keep her from doing what she’d always dreamed of doing. Actually, she could hardly believe she was out with him. Again. And the past few times she’d been with him had absolutely been dates.
Even Jenna agreed that this had moved way beyond him wanting closure after his father’s death. There was something else going on here. They rarely talked about J.D. anymore, instead sharing stories about their lives and talking about everyday things. So if it wasn’t about his dad, what else could it be? She wasn’t sure, but she had decided to simply enjoy this time with Sage for as long as it lasted. Because she knew, at the heart of it, she just wasn’t the kind of woman to capture and hold the interest of a man like him.
“I didn’t mean that you can’t,” he was saying and Colleen came up out of her thoughts to focus her attention on him. “What I meant was that you can’t just decide to live in what could be dangerous terrain while knowing nothing about survival.” Colleen couldn’t help it—she laughed. He looked so serious. So...growly. A small, tiny part of her thrilled to hear him trying protect her. But the reality was, she took care of herself very well.
“You make it sound as though I’m talking about moving to the middle of nowhere. This isn’t the frontier, Sage. I’ll be perfectly safe.”
“Probably,” he agreed, “but the country—especially the high country—can be dangerous.”
She shook her head, then pushed her hair back from her face and gave him a patient smile. “How dangerous can it be, really?”
“Bears?” he fired back.
Before she could react to that disturbing thought, he continued.
“Mountain lions? Snakes? Blizzards?” He picked up his coffee and took a drink. “You’re not in any way prepared for that kind of life, Colleen. You’re asking for trouble if you do this.”
He was right. She hadn’t really considered any of that, and she could admit, at least to herself, that the thought of facing any one of those dangers on her own was...intimidating. All right, terrifying. But there had to be a way to make this work. “Fine, I admit you have a point.”
He nodded.
“But if I knew how to handle myself in those situations, I’d be okay, right?”
“Sure,” he said, one corner of his mouth curving up. “If. And that’s a big if.”
“You could teach me.”
“What?” He paused, coffee cup halfway to his mouth.
The idea had just leaped into her mind, but now that it was there, she ran with it. J.D. had told her so much about Sage—there was no one she would trust more to show her what she needed to know. “I promise, I’m a quick study. And you said yourself that you grew up in the mountains. No one knows them better than you do, right?”
“I suppose...” He set his still-steaming mug of coffee down onto the table and stared at her. And that penetrating stare was so...disconcerting, it was hard to draw an easy breath. His eyes were just hypnotic. At least to Colleen. Honestly, she was proud of herself just for being able to speak coherently while looking into those deep blue eyes of his. His jaw was tight, his dark brown brows drawn into a scowl, and still she thought he was the most gorgeous man she’d ever seen.
Every time he looked at her, she felt that swirl of batwings in the pit of her stomach—not to mention heat that burned just a bit lower. She’d never been so aware of herself as a woman as she was when she was with Sage Lassiter. He made her feel things she’d never experienced before and want things she knew she shouldn’t.
Being with him was a kind of pleasurable torture, which had to be an oxymoron or something, but she really couldn’t think of another way to put it. She enjoyed his company, but her body was constantly buzzing out of control around him, too. Which left her breathless, on edge and in a constant state of excitement. It was the most alive she’d felt in years.
“What do you think, Sage?” She kept her gaze fixed on his. “Will you show me what I need to know?”
His features froze and she watched a muscle in his jaw twitch spasmodically. His fingers drummed against the tabletop and he shifted in his seat. He was thinking about it, and Colleen anxiously waited to see what he would say.
Finally, her patience was rewarded.
“You want to learn to survive on the mountain.”
“Yes.” She bit her bottom lip.
“Fine,” he said. “I’ll teach you.”
A wash of relief and something that felt like eager anticipation swept through her. “That’s great, thank you.”
He laughed shortly. “Save your thanks. By the time we’re finished, you’ll probably be cursing me.”
“No, I won’t.” She shook her head and reached across the table to cover one of his hands with hers. “J.D. always told me how kind you were and I’ve really seen that for myself in the past few days.”
He just stared at her through eyes that had been carefully shuttered. “J.D. was wrong. I’m not kind, Colleen.”
His features were hard, his body language cold. He was pulling back from her even while he was within reach. She didn’t know why. “If it’s not kindness,” she asked quietly, “what is it?”
He just looked at her for a long moment and she had the feeling he was trying to decide whether to answer her or not. Then she got her answer.