“I still wasn’t sure how he’d feel after he got here. In retrospect, even if he’d wanted to turn right around, that airplane trip from Salt Lake would have put him off flying for a while.”
Carson’s smile widened, giving her heart another workout.
“My sister-in-law Natalie thought it was a fantastic opportunity and urged me to accept the invitation, but I don’t know how my in-laws really felt about my taking their grandson to another part of the continent.”
The tension grew. “Now that you’ve ruled out all of that, we’re back to my original question, the one you still haven’t answered.”
Naturally he hadn’t forgotten where this conversation had been headed and wouldn’t leave the cabin while he waited for the truth. “As you’ve probably divined, I’m the problem.”
“Why?”
He had a side to him that could be blunt and direct when the occasion demanded. It caught her off guard. “I guess there was one thing I hadn’t thought about before we left. After we arrived here, it took me by surprise.”
“Explain what you mean.” He wasn’t going to let this go.
She took a fortifying breath. “I assumed we’d be coming to a vacation spot with all the activities mentioned, but it has turned out to be...more.”
“In what regard?”
“I—I didn’t expect the one-on-one treatment,” her voice faltered.
“From me and my buddies?”
“Yes.”
He got to his feet. “But that was the whole point.”
Tracy nodded. “I realize that now. But for some reason, I didn’t think your business enterprise meant it would be a hands-on experience involving you so personally.”
His brows met in a frown. “A dude ranch is meant to cater to the individual. If the three of us weren’t here, there’d be others giving you the same attention. After losing your husband, does it bother you to be around other males again? Is that what this is about? I’ve half suspected as much.”
She felt her face growing red as an apple.
“Have you even been out with a man since he died?”
“I’ve been to faculty functions with men, but they’ve always been in groups.”
“In other words, no, you haven’t.”
“No,” she whispered.
“And now you’re suddenly thrown together with three bachelors practically 24/7.” He put his hands on his hips in a totally male stance. “I get it. And I’ll tell you something.”
At this juncture, she felt like too much of a fool to know what to say, so she let him talk.
“I haven’t been out with a woman since I was transported from the Middle East to Walter Reed Medical Center. When we were discharged, I felt like I was going home to die. The only thing that kept me going was this plan I dreamed up with Ross and Buck to bring a little happiness to the families who were suffering the loss of a husband and father.
“Lady—when I saw you walk through the airport terminal, I was as unprepared as you were. It was one thing to visualize Anthony Baretta’s widow and his son in my mind, but quite another to be confronted with the sight of you in the flesh.”
Tracy lowered her head. “After thinking of you in the abstract, the sight of you was pretty overwhelming, too,” she confessed. “I guess we’d been picturing three marines in uniform whom we’d get to meet at some point during our stay so we could thank you. Instead, we were greeted by the king of the cowboys, as Johnny refers to you in private. He wasn’t prepared, either, and clung to me for a long moment.”
“I remember,” he said in a husky-sounding voice before another cough came on. “From a distance, he was your husband’s replica. That is, until I saw both your faces close up.”
She eyed him covertly. Close up or at a distance, Carson Lundgren was no man’s replica. He was an original with a stature to match the mountains outside the cabin door. “I’m glad we had this conversation. I feel much better about everything.”
“So do I. From now on we each understand where the other is coming from. It’ll make everything easier.”
Not necessarily. Not while her pulse was racing too hard.
“Pardon the expression, but you and Johnny are our guinea pigs in this venture. The next family we’ve invited will be arriving next month. Because of you, we’ll be much better prepared for the emotional upheaval created by war, whatever it is. Thank you for being honest with me. It means more than you know.”
“Thank you for a wonderful day.”
His eyes deepened in color. “There’s more to come tomorrow, if you’re up for it. But after Johnny’s experience flying into Jackson, maybe not.”
She took an extra breath. “You’re talking about a hot-air-balloon ride? The kind mentioned in your brochure?”
“It’s an unprecedented way to experience the Teton Valley. Buck will be taking some groups up.”
“I’d love to go, but I’ll have to feel out Johnny in the morning before breakfast. If it’s mentioned at the table and the other children want to g—”
“I hear you,” he broke in. “Johnny might be afraid, but will be too scared to admit it. I don’t want to put him under any pressure. When you know how he feels, call the front desk. They’ll put you through to me. If necessary, I’ll give Buck a heads-up.”
“Thank you. You have unusual understanding of children.”
“I was a child once and had my share of fears to deal with. Peer pressure was a killer. I’m thinking that if he doesn’t like the balloon idea, then we’ll take a longer horseback ride tomorrow and enjoy an overnight campout on the property.” He put his hat back on, ready to leave. For once she wasn’t ready to let him go, but she had to.
“I can tell you right now he’ll be in ecstasy over that option.”
“Good. If it turns out to be successful, then he’ll probably be ready to do another one in Teton Park. We’ll take the horses up to String Lake. It’s a great place to swim and hike around.”
“Sounds heavenly.”
She had to remember that he was working out the rest of their vacation agenda rather than making a date with her. Yet that’s what it felt like. Her reaction was ridiculous considering she was a mother of twenty-seven instead of some vulnerable nineteen-year-old.
The only time she’d ever felt like this before was when she’d driven to Cleveland with some of her girlfriends from college. They were having a picnic at Lakefront State Park when a crew of firefighters had pulled up to eat their lunch and toss a football around. The cutest guy in the group started flirting with her. Mr. Personality. He could talk his way in or out of anything. Tony was a mover who told her after one date that he was going to marry her.
When she thought of Carson, there was no point of comparison because he wasn’t pursuing her. That was why she was a fool trying to make one.
“All we’ve talked about is Johnny’s pleasure. Since this vacation is for you, too, why don’t you tell me something you’d like to do while you’re here?”
She laughed gently. “If he’s happy, then that’s what makes me happy, but I have to admit I enjoy riding. I had no idea I’d like it this much. You’re a great teacher.”
“That’s nice to hear.”
“It’s true.” After a brief pause because she suddenly felt tongue-tied, she wished him goodnight. He tipped his hat and left.
Tracy closed the door behind him and locked it. Though he’d walked away as if he was glad the air had been cleared, she was afraid she’d offended him. It was humiliating to realize he’d figured out her lame hang-up about being around a man again before she’d articulated it.
To make certain she didn’t get the wrong idea about him, Carson had revealed his own surprise at meeting her. Then, in the nicest way possible, he’d let her have it by spelling it out she wasn’t the only one suffering emotional fallout from the war.
When she finally got into bed, she felt worse than a fool.
* * *
WHEN TRACY STEPPED out of the shower, she could hear Johnny talking to someone. Throwing on a robe, she walked into the bedroom just as he put her cell phone on the bedside table.
“Who was that, honey?”
“Grandma and Grandpa.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because you were in the bathroom. They said they’d call back tomorrow morning ’cos they were in a hurry.”
“How are they?”
“Fine. They want to see me ride Goldie. I told them Carson’s been teaching me and took us to get my cowboy outfit and cap gun.” He ran over and gave her an exuberant hug. “I’m having the best time of my whole life!”
“I’m so glad.”
“When are we going home?”
Uh-oh. “Next Saturday morning. Why? Are you missing them too much?”
“No. What’s today?”
“Monday.” Time was flying.
She could hear him counting in his head. “So we have five more days?”
“Yes.”
“Goody! I don’t want to go home. I can’t leave Goldie.”
Tracy knew he’d said it in the heat of the moment, and she was happy about it, but the implication for what it might portend for the future stole some of her happiness.
Though home would be wonderfully familiar to her son after they got back, he would suffer his first attack of culture shock, because nothing in Sandusky or Cleveland compared remotely to Wyoming’s Teton Valley.
“Mom? Do you like it here?”
That was one of his trick questions. He needed to find out what she really thought before he expressed exactly what he thought. No doubt her in-laws had asked him the same question.
She ruffled his hair. “What do you think? I got on a horse, didn’t I?”
“Yes,” he answered in a quiet tone.
Something else was definitely on his mind, but she didn’t know if he was ready to broach it yet, so she asked him a question. “How would you like to go up in a hot-air balloon today and see the whole area?”
Tracy had to wait a long time for the answer she knew was coming. “Do you?” That lackluster question told her everything.
“I don’t know. There are so many things to do here, it’s hard to pick. We could fish or swim, or go on a hike.”
No response.
“Maybe we ought to have a break and drive into town to do some sightseeing. I’ll buy you some more caps.”
“I don’t want to do that,” he muttered.
“Or...we could go horseback riding. I like it.”
He shot up in her bed. His dark brown eyes had ignited. “I love it.”
His reaction was no surprise, but the intensity of it had come from some part deep inside of him. “Then it’s settled. Hurry and have your bath. After we’re dressed we’ll have breakfast and walk over to the corral.”
Johnny pressed a big kiss right on her mouth. That told her everything she needed to know before he scrambled out of her bed to the bathroom. When he was out of earshot, she called the front desk and was quickly put through to Carson.
“Good morning, Tracy.” His voice sounded an octave lower, sending vibrations through her. Maybe it was due to his coughing, or maybe he sounded like that when he first awakened. “What’s the verdict for today?”
She smiled. “Surely you don’t need to ask.”
“Well that answer suits me just fine, since there’s nothing I’d rather do than be on the back of a horse. I’ll tell Buck to go on without you. After you’ve eaten breakfast, I’ll come by the cabin. You’ll need saddlebags to pack your things to stay overnight and go swimming.”
“Swimming?”
“Yes. We’ll be camping next to a small lake on the property. If Johnny has a camera, tell him to bring it. He’ll have a field day taking pictures of the wildlife I was talking to you about.”
An unbidden thrill of excitement ran through her. “We’ll hurry.”
* * *
FORTY-FIVE MINUTES later Carson swung by the cabin in the Jeep, having sent some of the hands to the lake to make preparations for everyone. Johnny was outside shooting off caps.
“Carson!” Like a heat-seeking missile, Tracy’s boy came running in his cowboy hat. “Mom said we’re going on a campout!” He clasped him around the waist, hugging him with such surprising strength, his hat fell off. Johnny had never been this demonstrative before.
Without hesitation, Carson hugged him back. “We sure are, partner,” he answered in an unsteady voice, loving the feel of those young arms clinging to him. Nothing had ever felt so good.
As he started coughing, he looked up and saw Tracy on the porch step, but was unable to read her expression. She’d told him Johnny was protective of her. Without saying more than that, Carson got the point. Her son had a tendency to guard her.
But she couldn’t have missed witnessing his exuberance with Carson just now. It had probably shocked her as much as it had him. Needing to return the situation to normal as fast as possible, he reached in the back of the Jeep and handed Johnny some gear.
“These saddlebags are for your stuff. The bigger one is for your mom. Will you take them into the cabin so she can pack what you need?”
“Sure.”
“Remember to bring a jacket.”
He flashed him a huge smile. “I will. I’ll be right back.”
Carson kept his distance and lounged against the side of the Jeep to wait. Pretty soon they came out. Johnny carried both bags and handed them to Carson to put in the back. It warmed his heart to see the boy was a quick learner.
“Can I ride in front, Mom?”
“If it’s all right with Carson.”
“Anything goes around here. Come on.” He opened both passenger doors for them, avoiding eye contact with her. So much for the talk they’d had last night. Considering he was more aware of her than ever, it had accomplished absolutely nothing. “We’ll drive to the barn and mount up.”
“How come Rachel and Sam didn’t come to breakfast?”
In the rearview mirror he noticed a pair of hazel eyes fastened on him.
“They ate early and went on an activity with Buck. He’ll bring them to the camp later, but they won’t be riding up with us.”
“Hooray!”
“Johnny—” his mother scolded. “That wasn’t nice to say.”
“I’m sorry, but their ponies always come right up to mine.”
Carson glanced at him in surprise. “So you noticed.” He had natural horse sense. Everything the boy said and did pleased him.
“Yeah. They get in the way.”
“I know what you mean. When it happens again, I’ll teach you a simple trick so they’ll leave Goldie alone.”
“Thanks! How come they do that?”
“Have you ever heard of the three blind mice who hung around together?”
Johnny giggled. “Yes.”
“That’s what the ponies do, because they’re friends. When you’re on Goldie, you have to show them who’s the boss.”
“But how?”
“Have you ever heard the expression giddyup?”
“Yup.”
“Well, you’re going to practice saying that to Goldie today. And when you say it, you’re going to nudge her sides with your heels. That’ll make her go faster. Pretty soon she’ll start to go faster every time you say the word and you won’t need to use your heels. When she understands, then you wait until you’re riding with the other kids. If their ponies start to crowd in on you, just call out ‘giddyup’ and see what happens.”
“But what if that makes the other ponies go faster, too?”
Carson threw his head back and laughed, producing another cough. When it subsided, he could still hear Tracy’s laughter. “That’s a very astute question, partner. In all probability it will, so you’ll have to ride even harder and make a lot of noise. But you’ll also need to be prepared to pull on the reins so you don’t lose control.”
“That’s going to be fun!”
Johnny bounced up and down on the seat all the way to the barn where their horses and pony were saddled. Carson parked the Jeep outside before grabbing the bags, including his own. He fastened a set behind each saddle while Bert helped Tracy and Johnny to mount.
Bert waved them off. “Have a good ride!”
“Thanks. We will!” Johnny called back. “See ya tomorrow, Bert.”
“Okay, young fella.”
Add another fan to Johnny Baretta’s list. To charm old Bert wasn’t an easy feat. So far the waitresses and desk staff, not to mention Carson’s buddies, found him delightful.
Carson hadn’t personally known Anthony Baretta, but he had a reputation in their division for being well liked and easy to get along with. Like father, like son.
Carson led them along a track through the sage in a northeastly direction. Johnny followed, and Tracy brought up the rear. When they’d been going for a while, he fell back alongside Johnny and told him to start working on Goldie.
The first few times the boy said giddyup, he didn’t use his heels fast enough and nothing happened. Johnny’s frustration started to build.
“You have to be patient and listen to Carson, honey.”
“But I am listening, Mom.”
“Sure you are,” Carson encouraged him. “The trick is to use your heels at exactly the same time you call out. Try a louder voice the next time.”
“What if it doesn’t work?”
“Then you keep trying until it does. Did I ever tell you about the first time I learned to ride a bull?”
“No. What happened?”
“I was training for the junior bull-riding competition. It was awful. I got unseated so fast every time, I was ready to cry.”
“Did you?” came the solemn question.
“Almost. But then I looked at my grandpa. He was just standing there by the gate with a smile, telling me to try it again.”
“What did you do?”
“I got so mad, I walked back behind the barrier and climbed on another bull. When the gate opened, I concentrated on what I’d learned, and guess what? I stayed on long enough for the other cowboys watching to clap.”
“I bet your grandpa was happy.”
“Yup, but not as happy as I was.”
“I think I’ll wait a little while before I try again,” he announced.
Carson understood Johnny’s sentiments well enough. He’d been there and done that many times before. “That’s fine. We’re in no hurry.”
Tracy drew up along the other side of her son. “I hope you don’t wait too long. We’re coming to the forest.”
Carson could sense her desire for Johnny to conquer this moment. It managed to fire her son who got a determined look on his cute face. All of a sudden they heard a loud giddyup rend the air and Goldie took off trotting. Johnny let out a yelp.
“Pull on the reins and she’ll stop.”
To Carson’s delight, Johnny had the presence of mind to follow through and ended up doing everything right. He turned his pony toward them. “She minded me.”
“Yup.” Carson couldn’t be more proud if Johnny were his own son. “Now she knows who’s boss.”
“You were amazing, honey!”
“Thanks.”
When Tracy beamed like that, her beauty took Carson’s breath. She stared at him through glistening eyes. “You’ve worked magic with him.”
“He’s your son, don’t forget.”
“I can’t take any credit for this. His confidence level is through the roof. How do I thank you?”
“With that smile, you already have.”
“Hey, you guys—aren’t you coming?”
Johnny’s question broke the odd stillness that had suddenly enveloped them. Both their shoulders shook with laughter at the same time. “What’s the hurry?” Carson called out when he could find his voice.
“I want to keep riding.”
“You mean you’re not tired yet?”
“Tired? No way! Come on! Goldie wants to keep going.”
“We’re coming. Since you’re in the lead, we’ll continue to follow you.”
“What if I get lost?”
“Hey, partner—we can’t get lost. This is my back yard.”
“Back yard!” Johnny laughed hysterically. “You’re so funny, Carson.”
He blinked. “No one in the world has ever said that to me before.”
“Sometimes you really are,” Tracy concurred. “As my son has found out, it’s a very appealing side of you.”
Carson felt an adrenalin rush. Is that what you think too, Tracy?
“Mom? How come you guys keep talking?”
He heard her clear her throat. “Because we’re waiting for you to get going.” She darted Carson an amused glance.
“Oh.”
With less trouble than he’d demonstrated earlier, Johnny turned the palomino around and headed into the forest. The three of them were on the move once more, this time with Tracy at Carson’s side. But after they got into the thick of the pines, the trail became less discernible in spots. Carson pulled alongside Johnny. His mother stayed right behind them.
“Seen any bad guys yet?”
“No, but I’m keeping a lookout.”
“Got your mustang handy?”
“It’s in my pocket. How far is the lake?”
“We wind up the slope for two more miles.”
“What’s it called?”
“I call it Secret Lake.”
“Who else knows about it?”
“Only my best friends.”
“You mean Ross and Buck?”
“That’s right. And a few others. It’s my favorite place. I can’t let just anybody come up here. Otherwise it wouldn’t be a secret.”
Johnny looked over at him with those serious dark eyes. “Thanks for bringing me. I’m having the funnest time of my whole life.”
Chapter Six
It was the second time Tracy’s son had expressed the very sentiment she felt. She had to admit she was enjoying this trip a lot more than she’d anticipated. But along with this newfound excitement, her guilt was increasing.
Strictly speaking, it wasn’t the guilt some war widows experienced, making them cling to the memory of their husbands. The love she and Tony shared would always be in her heart. They’d talked about the possibility of his dying, and she’d promised him she would move on if—heaven forbid—something happened to him. Since that horrible day, she’d been doing her best to make a full life for herself and Johnny.
This was a different kind of guilt, because she didn’t feel guilty about enjoying Carson’s company. To be honest, she was attracted to him. Very attracted.
Her biggest fear was that he’d already sensed it. Last night he’d sounded relieved after they’d had their talk. As he’d explained, when he and his friends had put their plan into action, they’d done it purely to brighten up the lives of a few families affected by the war.
Neither Carson nor his friends wanted or expected some love-starved woman with a child to come on to them because she’d lost her husband. The thought had to have crossed his mind when they’d first met at the airport.
According to Carson, the three men had been bachelors when they’d joined the Marines. And they were still living that lifestyle outside of this special project that was bringing so much joy to Johnny’s life. Since Tracy couldn’t help what they were thinking, there was no point in being embarrassed. What she needed to do was be friends with all of them, the way she was with Tony’s brothers. That was going to be especially hard when she was around Carson, but she could do it. And she would!
“Mom—there’s the lake!”
Johnny’s exultant cry jolted her back to the moment. They’d moved on ahead of her. “Good for you for finding it! Does it look like Lake Erie with lots of barges and a lighthouse?” she teased.
“Heck, no. It’s little, with pine trees all around it.”
She smiled. “Can you see any fish?”
“Can you?” she heard him ask Carson. Oh, Johnny. Her son was so predictable.
“See all those dark things moving around?”
“Yeah.”
“The lake is full of rainbow trout.”
“I don’t see their rainbows.”
“You will when you catch one.” Carson was ever the patient teacher. “We’ll cook it for your dinner tonight.”
“Won’t there be anything else to eat?” was her son’s forlorn reply.
Carson’s laughter warmed new places inside her. “We’ve got lots of stuff.”
“That’s good.”
Tracy drew closer to them.
“Hey—I can see some tents and a table! Someone else is camping here.” He didn’t sound happy about that.
Carson laughed again. “Yup. That someone is you, partner. Those tents have already been set up for us.”
“Whoa!”
“Maybe you’d like to sleep in that three-man tent with Sam and Rachel.”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot they were coming. Where will you sleep?”