“I’ve been keeping an eye on them,” he murmured, reading her mind again. Of course he had. He had a handle on everything, inspiring confidence in everyone, old or young.
“I don’t want Johnny to be afraid to reach out for his dreams for fear of leaving me on my own. He’s especially aware of it since learning I lost my parents at eighteen. Sometimes he shows signs of being overly protective. A few months ago he told me he would never leave me and planned to take care of me all my life.”
“There’s a sweetness in that boy.”
“Don’t I know it, but I refuse to exploit it. That’s one of the main reasons why I decided to accept your invitation to come to the ranch. If I don’t help him to live life the way he should, then I’m failing as a mother. You and your friends have done a greater service for our family than you can possibly imagine. I know I said this before. You were inspired, and I—I’m indebted to you.” Her voice caught.
He sat back in the seat. “After so much heartache, do you have any idea how much I admire you for carrying on? Tell me something. How did you continue to function after your parents were killed? I can’t imagine losing them both at the same time.”
“We had fantastic neighbors and friends at our church. Between them and my close friends, they became my support group and helped me while I was in college. Then I met Tony and was swept into his family.”
He cast her a glance. “Swept off your feet, too?”
She nodded. “Natalie, my sister-in-law who’s married to Joe, one of the out-of-favor police officers in the family, has become my closest friend. They have an eight-year-old son, Cory, who gets along famously with Johnny. I’ve been very blessed, so I can’t complain.”
After a silence Carson said, “What’s the other reason you decided to accept our offer?”
“To be honest, I was becoming as much of a recluse as Johnny.” She told him about the Mother’s Day flower. “Your letter jerked me out of the limbo I’d been wallowing in. Once I caught sight of the Tetons in the brochure, I lost my breath. Like your stomach that flew around in the air for a week after your first flight with your grandpa, I haven’t been able to get my breath back since.”
“After a visit to the Tetons, some people remain in that state.”
“Especially you, who came home from war struggling for yours. You and your friends have paid a heavy price. I admire you more than you know.”
She’d been struggling, too, but it was from trying to keep her distance from him, which was turning out to be impossible. Tracy didn’t understand everything going on inside him, but she realized that keeping her distance from him would be the wrong thing to do at the moment. Johnny was beginning to thrive. In a strange way she recognized they were all emotionally crippled because of the war and needed each other to get stronger.
“Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”
“Go ahead.”
“Why isn’t there a Mrs. Lundgren?”
“You wouldn’t like to hear the truth.”
“Try me.”
“The psychiatrist at the hospital did an evaluation on all of us. That was his first question to me. When I told him I preferred new adventures to being tied down, he told me I was an angry man.”
“Angry—you?”
Carson laughed. “That was my response, too. He told me that was a crock. He said I’d been angry all my life because my parents died. That anger took the form of flight, whether it was sports, travel, the military. He said I was too angry to settle down. But with this illness that cramped my style, it was time I came to grips with it and let it go, or I’d self-destruct.”
“And have you let it go?”
“I’m trying, but when I think of what I did to my grandfather, I can’t forgive myself. There’s so much I’ve wanted to say to him.”
“Don’t you think he knew why you were struggling? Did he ever try to talk to you about it?”
“Thousands of times, but I always told him we’d talk later. Of course that never happened. Then the opportunity was gone.”
“As my in-laws used to tell me when I wallowed in grief over my parents’ death, ‘You’ll be together in heaven and can talk everything over then, Tracy.’ I’ve come to believe that. One day you’ll have that talk with your grandfather.”
“I’d like to believe it, but you’ve got more faith than I have.”
Tracy sat there, pained for him and unable to do anything about it. Quiet reigned inside the cab as they drove through the sage. The children, on the other hand, were whooping it up, firing their cap guns. Johnny was becoming her exuberant child again. She had to pray it wasn’t solely because of Carson.
The Harris family couldn’t have come to the ranch at a better time. Tracy would involve them in as many activities as possible, because every new distraction helped.
As they drove around to the front of the ranch house, a cowboy with an impressive physique whom she hadn’t seen before stood talking to some guests. He had to be the third ex-marine.
The moment he saw Carson, he left them and walked over to the truck. He removed his hat and peered in his friend’s open window, allowing his green eyes to take her in. He wore his curly light-brown hair longer than the other two men and was every bit as attractive.
“Welcome to the ranch, Mrs. Baretta. We’ve been looking forward to your visit.” His remark ended with the usual cough. The sound of it wounded Tracy because she knew at what cost they’d served their country.
“Tracy? This is Buck Summerhays. Now you’ve met all three amigos.”
“It’s a privilege, Mr. Summerhays. Johnny and I can’t thank you enough for making us so welcome.”
“The honor of meeting Tony Baretta’s family is ours. Call me Buck.”
Carson opened the door. “Come on. I want you to meet Johnny and the other two children.”
While he got out, Tracy hurriedly opened her door and jumped down, not wanting any assistance. Everyone congregated at the rear of the truck. The men helped the children down, and Carson made the introductions.
Buck shut the tailgate before turning to everyone. “Where have you dudes been?”
“To see the cows,” Sam spoke up.
Rachel nodded. “Next time we’re going to look for calves with blue eyes. Carson’s going to give us a prize if we find one.”
His lips twitched. “Is that so.” His gaze fell on Johnny. “Now that you’ve been to the pasture, what do you want to do this afternoon after lunch?”
“I’d like to ride Goldie some more.”
“Who’s that?”
“My pony.”
“Ah.” His twinkling eyes sent Carson a silent message. “I was thinking I’d take you guys on a float trip down the river.”
“That sounds exciting,” Tracy intervened. “How about we all do that with Buck? After dinner you can have another horseback ride before bed.”
“Yeah!”
Johnny wasn’t quite as enthusiastic as the other two, but he didn’t put up an argument for which she was thankful. “Then come on. Let’s go in and wash our hands really well. After that we’ll find your parents and eat.” She herded the children inside the ranch house so the men could talk in private.
* * *
CARSON NOTICED BUCK’S eyes linger on Tracy as she disappeared inside the doors. He knew what his buddy was going to say before he said it.
“You’re a cool one.” He switched his gaze to Carson with a secretive smile. “Nice has to be the understatement of all time.”
“Her son’s nice, too.”
“I can see that.” Suddenly his expression sobered. “Tony Baretta shouldn’t have had to die.”
His throat swelled with emotion for their suffering. “Amen.” After more coughing he said, “I’ll park the truck around back.”
“I’ll come with you.”
In a minute they’d washed up and entered the kitchen to eat lunch.
“How was the pack trip?”
“It went without a hitch, but I noticed there are a lot of tourists already.”
“There’ll be a ton more as we get into summer.”
They devoured their club sandwiches. “I’m thinking that on this first float trip we’ll stay away from any rapids. If they enjoy it, then we’ll do a more adventurous one in a few days.”
“Sounds good.”
“Ross is busy fishing with another group for the afternoon. Are you going to come?” Buck eyed Carson over the rim of his coffee cup.
“No. I need to lie down for a couple of hours.”
Buck frowned. “Come to think of it, you don’t seem yourself. What’s going on?”
Carson brought him up to speed on the forest fire. “I kept the mask on as much as possible, but I still took in too much smoke.”
“You shouldn’t have gone near there.”
“That’s what Tracy said.” He could still hear the concern in her voice.
His buddy’s brows lifted in surprise. “Did you tell her about the fire?”
“I had to so she wouldn’t think I was abandoning Johnny. When I called her to explain, I was hacking almost as badly as when we were first brought into the hospital. If I ever needed proof of how bad it is for us, yesterday did it. None of us should ever get anywhere close to a fire if we can possibly help it.”
“Tell me about it. Last night I had a few coughing spasms myself and realized I needed to stay away from the campfire.”
“We need to take oxygen and inhalers with us everywhere, in case we’re caught in a bad situation.”
“Agreed.”
“Tell Johnny and the kids I have ranch business and will meet them at the corral after dinner for another lesson. Let Willy know I’m here if an emergency arises.” The part-time apprentice mechanic from Jackson alternated shifts with Susan and Patty at the front desk for the extra money.
“Will do. Take it easy.” He looked worried.
Carson got up from the table. “I’ve learned my lesson. See you tonight.”
He left the kitchen and headed for his bedroom. Though he was a little more tired than usual after yesterday’s incident, he was using it as an excuse to stay away from Tracy. Carson felt like he was on a seesaw with her.
Sometimes she seemed to invite more intimate conversation, particularly when she talked about not wanting to manipulate her son’s feelings. Despite the blow that had changed her life, she had a healthy desire to be the best mom possible. He felt her love for Johnny, and it humbled him.
But other times, she’d keep her distance. He didn’t know how to penetrate that invisible wall she threw up, no doubt to protect herself.
She’d married into a family that kept her and Johnny close. If she’d done any dating since her husband’s death, it couldn’t have made much of an impact. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have left Ohio to come here for a week.
He stretched out on the bed. The more he thought about it, the more he was convinced this was her first experience being around a man again in such an isolated environment. A few more days together and he’d find out if she saw him in any other light than her host while she was on vacation.
This was new territory for him, too. He needed to take it slow and easy. Like the stallion he’d broken in at nineteen, you had to become friends first. The trick was to watch and key in to all the signals before you made any kind of move. One wrong step and the opportunity could be lost for a long time. Maybe forever.
And there was Johnny.
It was one thing to be the man who taught him how to horseback ride. But it was something else again if he sensed someone was trying to get close to his mother. She’d said Johnny showed signs of being overly protective.
No man would ever be able to replace his father. It would take her son’s approval and tremendous courage on Carson’s part before he could begin to establish a personal relationship with her, even if she were willing.
Last but not least would be the great obstacle of the Baretta family, who would resent another man infiltrating their ranks. Worse would be their fear of Carson influencing Tony’s son. He was their beloved flesh and blood.
Frustrated, he turned on his side. His thoughts went back to a certain conversation his grandfather had initiated.
“What are you looking for in a woman?”
“That’s the whole point. I’m not.”
“You don’t want children some day?”
“I don’t know.”
“One of the things I love most about you is your honesty, Carson. Wherever the military takes you, don’t ever lose that quality no matter what.”
“Grandpa, are you really okay about my becoming a marine?”
“The only thing I can imagine being worse than your staying home for me when you want to be elsewhere, would be for me to have to leave the ranch when it’s the only place I want to be. Does that answer your question?”
Oh yes, it answered it, all right. Carson had gone to do his tour of duty until it was cut short because he could no longer perform. Then he’d come home to the birthright his grandfather had bequeathed him without asking anything in return.
What tragic irony to be back for good, wanting to tell his grandfather that, at last, he could answer those questions. He wanted that talk so badly, tears stung his eyes. But it was too late to tell him what this woman and her son already meant to him.
When he couldn’t stand it any longer, he got up to shower and change clothes. There was always ranch business that required his attention. Work had proved to be the panacea to keep most of his demons at bay. But when he left his room, instead of heading for the den, he turned in the other direction and kept on walking right out the back door to his truck.
After reaching the barn, he saddled Blueberry. On his way out he saw Bert and told him he’d be back at seven to give the children another riding lesson. The other man said he’d have the ponies ready.
Carson thanked him and rode off. His horse needed the exercise, and needing the release, Carson rode hard to a rise overlooking the Snake River. In his opinion, this spot on the property captured the view of the granddaddy Teton at its most magnificent angle. He’d often wondered why his ancestor, Silas Lundgren, hadn’t chosen to build the original ranch house here.
While he sat astride Blueberry, his mind’s eye could imagine a house of glass, bringing the elements inside every room. Not a large house. Just the right size for a family to grow. Maybe a loft a little boy and his dog would love. From their perch they could watch a storm settle in over the Tetons, or follow the dive of an eagle intent on its prey.
The master bedroom would have the same view, with the added splendor of a grassy meadow filled with wildflowers coming right up to the windows. While she marveled over the sight, he would marvel over her, morning, noon and night.
A cough eventually forced him to let go of his vision. When he checked his watch, he saw it was almost seven o’clock. He had to give his horse another workout in order not to be too late.
As he came galloping up to the corral, he saw Tracy’s hair gleaming in the evening rays of the sun. She was surrounded by both families, mounted and ready for another lesson. He brought Blueberry to a sliding stop.
“Wow—” Johnny exclaimed from the top of Goldie. “Will you teach me how to do that? It was awesome!”
Chapter Five
The man and horse truly were one.
Talk about rugged elegance personified in its purest form!
Except for Johnny, everyone else sitting on their mounts was speechless. Tracy realized she was staring and looked away, but she’d never get that picture of him out of her mind. The quintessential cowboy had been indelibly inscribed there.
“If you’ll follow me,” came his deep voice, “we’ll take a short ride past the cabins. On the way back, I have a surprise for you.”
“Won’t you tell us?” Sam called to him.
“No,” his sister chided him. “Then it won’t be a surprise.”
Tracy exchanged an amused glance with the Harrises. The three of them rode behind the children. Johnny caught up to Carson. Two cowboys—one short, one tall—both wearing black Stetsons. She would love to hear their conversation, but the only sound drifting back was the occasional cough.
To see her son riding so proudly on his pony next to his mentor brought tears to her eyes. They’d been here such a short time, yet already he was loving this and showed no fear. Coming to the Tetons had been the right thing to do!
In the last twelve hours she hadn’t heard him talk once about his father. In truth, Tony hadn’t been actively in her thoughts, either. Neither she nor Johnny had memories here. The new setting and experiences had pushed the past to the background for a little while. As Natalie had reminded her, this was what the right kind of vacation was supposed to do for you.
Tracy hadn’t believed it was possible, but this evening she was confronted with living proof that Johnny was enjoying life again. So was she. The old adage about a mother being as happy as her saddest child could have been coined with her and her son in mind. But not tonight. Not tonight.
At one point, Carson turned his horse around. Flashing everyone a glance he said, “We’re going to head back now. The first person to figure out my surprise gets to choose the video for us to watch in the game room afterward.”
The children cried out with excitement and urged their horses around, which took a little doing. Carson gave them some pointers. Tracy listened to his instructions so she wouldn’t be the only one who had trouble handling her horse.
Pretty soon they were all facing west. Sam’s hand went up like he was in school. Johnny’s hand followed too late.
“Tell us what you think, Sam.”
“The mountains have turned into giants!”
“That’s what I was going to say,” Johnny muttered. Tracy hoped he wouldn’t pout.
Carson’s horse danced in place. “They do look pretty imposing, but I’m still waiting for the special answer.”
“I know.”
“Go ahead, Rachel.”
“The sun has gone down behind them, lighting up the whole sky with colors.”
“Congratulations! It’s the greatest sight this side of the Continental Divide.” Carson lifted his hat in a sweeping gesture, delighting her. “The lovely young cowgirl on Mitzi wins the prize.”
After the grownups clapped, Monica let out a sigh. “It’s probably the most beautiful sunset I’ve ever seen, and we’ve watched thousands of them over the ocean in Florida, haven’t we, Ralph.”
“You can say that again.”
Tracy agreed with them, especially the way the orangey-pink tones painted Carson’s face before his hat went back on.
A sly smile broke the corner of his mouth. “First person to reach the corral wins a new currycomb.”
Sam’s brows wrinkled. “A curry what?”
“A kind of comb to clean your ponies after a ride. They love it.”
“Come on!” Johnny shouted and made some clicking sounds with his tongue the way Carson had shown him. Goldie obeyed and started walking. In her heart of hearts, Tracy wanted her son to win.
In the end, the ponies hurried after Goldie. They kept up with each other and rode in together. Carson smiled at them. “You all win.”
“Yay!”
While Bert helped the children down and unsaddled their ponies, Carson went into the barn and brought them each their prizes. Once he’d dismounted, he removed the tack from his horse and showed them how to move the round metal combs in circles. They got to work with a diligence any parents could be proud of. Then they watered the horses and gave them oats.
He was a master teacher. Tonight they’d learned lessons they’d never forget—how to appreciate a beautiful sunset, how to care for an animal, how to handle competition. The list went on and on, increasing her admiration for him.
“Who wants a ride back to the house?”
“We do!”
“Then come on.” He punctuated it with a cough. “There’s room for everyone in the back.”
The men lifted the children. While Ralph helped Monica, Carson picked up Tracy. This time the contact of their thighs brushing against each other flowed through her like a current of electricity. She tried to suppress her gasp but feared he’d heard it.
On the short trip through the sage, the kids sang. They sounded happy, and Tracy started singing with them. It took her back to her youth. She’d had a pretty idyllic childhood. When Carson pulled the truck up in front of the house, she didn’t want the moment to end.
Ralph moved first and helped everyone down, including Tracy. That was good. She didn’t dare get that close to Carson again tonight. He’d kept the engine idling and said he’d see them in a minute before he took off around the back of the house. Everyone hurried inside to wash up.
Soon Carson joined them, bringing sodas from the kitchen. He sat on one of the leather chairs while the rest of them gathered round the big screen on two large leather couches. Fortunately, they had the game room to themselves.
To the boys’ disappointment, Rachel chose The Princess Bride, but Tracy enjoyed it and got the feeling all the grownups did, too. Before it was over, both Sam and Johnny’s eyes had closed. Ralph took his son home, leaving Rachel to finish the film with her mom.
Carson eyed Tracy. “Johnny’s had a big day, too. I’ll walk you to your cabin.”
Her heart jumped at the idea of being alone with him, but to turn him down would cause attention. Instead, she said good-night to the others and followed him out of the ranch house while he held Johnny’s hand. Her son was pretty groggy all the way to the cabin.
Tracy had to laugh when he staggered into the bedroom. Carson looked on with a smile as she got him changed into pajamas and tucked him into bed without a visit to the bathroom. “My son is zonked.”
He nodded. “Johnny’s gone nonstop all day. This altitude wears a man out.”
She turned off the light and they went into the front room where another bout of coughing ensued. Tracy darted him an anxious glance. “You should be in bed, too.”
Carson cocked his head. “Is that your polite way of trying to get me to leave?”
She hadn’t expected that question. “No—” she answered rather too emotionally, revealing her guilt. “Not at all.”
“Good, because I rested earlier and now I’m not tired.” He removed his hat and tossed it on the table.
“Please help yourself to any of the snacks.” She folded her legs under her and sank down on the end of the couch.
“Don’t mind if I do.” He reached for the pine nuts. The next thing she knew, he’d lounged back in one of the overstuffed chairs, extending his long legs. “We need to have a little talk.”
Alarmed, she sat forward. “Is there something wrong?”
“I don’t know. You tell me.” Between narrowed lids his eyes burned a hot blue, searing her insides.
“I don’t understand.”
He stopped munching. “I think you do. You need to be honest with me. Are you uncomfortable around me?”
She swallowed with difficulty, looking everywhere except at him. “If I’ve made you feel that way, then it’s purely unintentional. I’m so sorry.”
“So you do admit there’s a problem.”
Tracy got to her feet. “Not with you,” she murmured.
“Johnny, then?”
Her eyes widened. “How can you even ask me that?”
The question seemed to please him because the muscles in his face relaxed. “Does your family wish you hadn’t come?”
“I know my in-laws were astounded you and your friends had made such an opportunity available in honor of their son. They were really touched, but I believe they thought Johnny would want to turn right around and come home.”
One brow dipped. “Is that what you thought, too?”
“When I first told Johnny about the letter, he said he didn’t want to go. I knew why. Wyoming sounded too far away.”
“What did you do to change his mind?”
“I asked him if he at least wanted to see the brochure you sent. He agreed to take a look. The second he saw that photo of the Tetons, he was blown away.”
Their gazes fused. “Those mountains have a profound effect on everyone.”
“Then he wanted to know about white water. But something extraordinary happened when he saw that gigantic elk with the huge horns...” Carson chuckled. “He looked at me and I felt his soul peer into mine before he asked me if I wanted to go. He always asks me first how I feel when he wants something but is afraid to tell me.