Broken Resolutions

Hungrily she acquiesced as he alternately nipped and grazed at her mouth, every now and then her tongue meeting and dancing with his, her breasts burning into the hard granite wall of his chest. She was certain of one thing and one thing only…that she never wanted this sweet, irresistible agony to end.

Unbelievably, Jake turned up the heat. Now their invisible passion dial hovered somewhere between boiling and the point of no return. As he rocked his hips deep into hers the solid ridge of his button fly was testimony to his driving, hungry need, and when he suddenly broke contact to look down at her Caitlin glanced back at him in surprise.

It was a shock to witness the depth and strength of desire contained in that blistering gaze. His pupils were almost totally black, ringed with just the slimmest band of devastating blue. From his lips his breath issued hard and fast, and there was a thin sheen of sweat on his ridged brow.

‘I don’t want our first time to be up against a door. You’ve got to tell me what you want, baby.’

As he finished speaking he reached behind him and shot the bolt, enveloping her in a dizzying cloak of heat and his disturbing, sensuous male essence.

‘Do you want to stay with me tonight? We can go to bed now and finish what we started. I can keep you up all night and give you pleasure like you’ve never dreamed. Is that what you want?’

With deft fingers Jake freed the top three buttons on her coat and jerked the material aside to cup her breast through the thin material of her T-shirt. Her nipple, already rigid and tingling with need, pressed helplessly, wantonly into his palm.

Why did he have to stop and ask what she wanted? Caitlin thought. Why couldn’t he just carry on the way they were going and take what she was so ready to give him?

She was shocked at the desperation of her wild thoughts. What he was doing—his long fingers now circling the nipple of her other breast, alternately nipping and squeezing—was making her womb throb with an almost unholy ache. If he took her right now she’d welcome the possession and count herself blessed. That was how much she wanted him. She was hungry to feel his sex deep inside her, to complete the electrifying bond that had been slowly and devastatingly drawing them together since the very first moment they had met.

But this was crazy—and not just crazy, but completely and utterly reckless. Jake must surely know that? He was the one who’d sternly advised Caitlin against ‘fraternising’ with the band out of hours, and as he was their manager he had to include himself in that warning. The potential pitfalls of turning a working relationship into a personal one could only spell disaster.

And, anyway, it was wrong to assume that Jake even wanted a personal relationship with her. A hot and fast seduction in a hotel room didn’t usually pave the way to something deeper and more meaningful, did it? Was sex all that he wanted from her? If it was, then it was nothing less than an insult—because she was sure he could get that from any woman.

Realising how close she had come to throwing away something precious—namely her self-respect—Caitlin flung Jake’s hand away and straightened her T-shirt. As she did so her heartbeat accelerated so hard she was momentarily dizzy. Seeing the spasm of confusion in his eyes, she sensed tension of another kind radiating from his body.

‘What’s wrong?’ he ground out.

‘I’m not going to sleep with you, Jake.’

‘Sleeping isn’t exactly what I had in mind.’

His words made her flinch. Her body hadn’t stopped aching for him, and her mouth throbbed and burned from his unbelievably passionate kisses, but the idea that he would bed her simply just to ‘scratch an itch’ hurt her deeply. Having already had the soul-destroying experience of being used by a man, she wasn’t about to set herself up to play the same old destructive tape again…

‘All right, then, let me put it this way.’ Impatiently she pushed back a drifting strand of hair from the side of her face to unwaveringly meet his gaze. ‘I’m not going to have sex with you. I won’t jeopardise my relationship with the band and neither will I be used by you because I happen to be “convenient”. And, contrary to what you might believe, I didn’t come here tonight because I had something personal in mind. All I wanted was a little reassurance because I was nervous about the performance tomorrow.’

Jake cursed softly beneath his breath. His disturbing blue eyes raked over her features, pinning her to the spot. It was clear to Caitlin that he was immersed in a deep inner tussle between utilising his common sense and trying to curtail his desire. Like her, he was still reeling from the throes of the incendiary passion they’d ignited. There was a thin film of sweat on his brow and it was evident he was still turned on. With the fulfilment of his desire evidently thwarted, now he was frustrated and angry as well as aroused.

‘Is that what you think? That I’d take advantage and use you just because I wanted sex?’ A muscle flexed warningly in the side of his exquisitely carved cheekbone. ‘If you think that then I seriously underestimated you, Caitlin. You’ve listened to all the less than flattering stories about me, bought them as fact, and condemned me even though I told you the truth about what happened between me and my ex. Don’t you remember that it was my reputation that got dragged through the mud because of the lies she wrote in that blasted article? Not hers?’

Caitlin hardly knew what to say. Was she guilty of judging Jake without trial? Without even giving him the chance to prove his character? After all, it wasn’t just him that had suddenly found himself driven by the libidinous desires of the body. She was in exactly the same position!

Sighing, he agitatedly drove through his fingers through his already mussed hair.

‘Anyway, perhaps you’d better just leave before my “questionable” character contaminates you even more. You’d better get home and get some rest. You know what’s ahead of you tomorrow and I want you to be at your best.’

Her heart almost thudded to a stop. Tomorrow would be a big day…perhaps the most important one of her life so far. It was a shame that she’d spoiled things by coming over to Jake’s and starting something she couldn’t finish.

‘I’m sorry that I—that I…’

‘Don’t beat yourself up about it. You’re going to be just fine, Caitlin. That’s what you want to know, isn’t it? All you have to do is concentrate on the songs, the music. Blue Sky is a great band and they’ll be helping you every step of the way. It’s not going to be as hard as you imagine. Trust me. You’ve got a great voice and you’re a stunning-looking girl. In terms of fulfilling the criteria for success in this business, you’ve got it all. You can’t fail.’

If Jake had meant to reassure her he’d done it in a strangely reticent way. Caitlin still felt ill at ease. Plus she could easily sense the anger that simmered beneath his thin veneer of civility.

‘I was going to say that I was sorry for—’ Blushing, she was unable to complete the sentence when he was all but eating her up with his eyes.

‘Turning me on?’

‘I think I should go.’

‘As much as it pains me to agree with you, you’re probably right. Though that doesn’t mean I wish you weren’t.’

His words taunted her as Caitlin turned and fumbled with the bolt on the door. Then she fled from the room with a breathless ‘goodnight’ before she could change her mind.

Right then it was tempting for Jake to search for solace in the bottle of bourbon he had opened, but he couldn’t fool himself that it would help. He’d been through enough heartache in his life already to think that it would.

His ex’s wasn’t the only betrayal he had endured. His mother had given him up for adoption when she’d found herself pregnant at just sixteen, and the home where she had placed Jake hadn’t been able to find him adoptive parents due to his having a heart murmur. He had been in and out of hospital from birth up until he was eight years old for regular check-ups, by which time he had become quite used to being a bit of a loner. As he’d grown up and become stronger physically the heart murmur had corrected itself and he had resigned himself to living in the children’s home until he reached sixteen.

Jake hadn’t viewed it as a negative thing because by necessity it had taught him to be self-reliant. The only friends he had depended on had been his books. He had developed an insatiable curiosity about the world and had genuinely enjoyed reading and studying. Having done well in his exams, he’d managed to get himself a place at college, and then he’d found himself at university, studying cultural anthropology.

It was during that time that he had also developed an abiding interest in music. Jake’s time at college and university had been his saving grace—along with a couple of genuinely caring and interested tutors who had encouraged him to go for his dreams and never to give them up.

Now, he stalked across the thickly carpeted floor and threw open the window onto the night. He was definitely in need of some fresh air. A fierce gust of wind hit him straight in the face, startling him, but it didn’t remotely leech any of the heat from his body. He knew himself to be too far gone for that.

Even though Caitlin had left, he still burned from their passionate embrace. It was as though every nerve in his body throbbed with electricity and tension. Taking a cold shower was the obvious answer to try and ease his discomfort—but, frankly, it would be like putting a plaster on a third-degree burn. No…Jake would just have to wait it out. At least that or wait for some degree of common sense to return.

Caitlin Ryan had turned his whole world upside down. Here they were, at the start of the band’s tour, and he had fallen like a ton of bricks for their new lead singer. He wouldn’t go so far as to fool himself that he was in love with her—more in lust—but he was aware that one or two quick hot tumbles in bed were never going to be enough to satisfy the bone-deep yearning he had developed for her. Not for one moment had he meant for such a thing to happen, but somehow, in some way, Caitlin had got into Jake’s blood and there wasn’t much he could do about it.

How in hell was he supposed to keep a clear head and do all the things he normally had to do to help support and motivate the band? Get them out on the road with all guns blazing? Just seeing her every night for the next six weeks up on stage was going to be the sweetest torture. He already had to feel sorry for Rick and the others, because his mood sure as hell wasn’t going to improve if he couldn’t touch Caitlin in the way he ached to touch her. He’d either end up having to take religious vows or quit managing the band. Either way, his libido was definitely going to come under some serious duress.

* * *

The first shock Caitlin had received on reaching London was the discovery that she was going to be put up in Jake’s flat in Chelsea for the two nights they were there. It had turned out that the rest of the band all had homes in the capital, including Rick. But Jake had quickly vetoed his friend’s suggestion that Caitlin stay with him.

It had been too late for her to protest at the arrangement and organise an alternative, so she’d kept her doubts to herself and agreed. The most important thing was the coming performance, and she absolutely had to make a good impression…for all their sakes. But when they’d arrived at the fairly compact popular West London venue, Caitlin had found herself having to change into her stage gear in the ladies’ room, because by the time they’d rehearsed, done a sound-check and had a meeting with the venue manager there had been no time to go back to Jake’s place and get ready.

Frowning into one of the less than pristine mirrors, she had applied her make-up with a thumping heart and trembling hand, inadvertently spilling the contents of her make-up bag into the porcelain sink when she’d yanked out a tissue too hard to pat her lipstick dry with.

Now she stood in the wings with the rest of the band, feeling a bit like a little girl playing dress-up in her mother’s best clothes, only partially tuning in to Rick’s animated pep talk as he paced up and down in front of them, like an army sergeant pumping up his platoon for battle. In front of the small raised stage the crowd had swelled and the anticipation that crackled in the air was not dissimilar to the lightning strike before a torrential downpour.

There was a rumour going round that many of Blue Sky’s fans who had supported them from the beginning with Marcie had turned up to support the band’s return, in spite of their disappointment that she had walked out. Naturally Caitlin fretted that she would never pass muster.

Rick had told her that her style was quite different from Marcie’s but that that was a good thing. Her strong vocal suited the band’s music perfectly. Like a match made in heaven, he had assured her with a smile. But, while she welcomed the compliment, and was glad that the relative intimacy of the venue was perhaps not as intimidating as a much larger one might have been, her stomach was sick with nerves at the thought of being put through the ultimate baptism of fire for a new singer.

And where was Jake? He had been with them up until about half an hour ago, when he’d murmured something about ‘last-minute arrangements’ then disappeared. Caitlin found that now, when it came to the crunch, she needed his assurance more than ever.

‘Is everyone okay?’

And suddenly he was there, his grin lighting up the dim little space to the side of the stage like a beacon shining in the dark, his misty blue eyes immediately seeking her out as though it was implicitly understood that she was the one who needed his assurance the most.

‘You look terrific,’ he told her.

Even as he spoke, Jake was thinking that she looked much better than that. She looked nothing less than drop-dead gorgeous. The purple velvet top she had selected on their shopping trip clung to her body in all the right places and her long black skirt skimmed the flat plane of her stomach and the soft swell of her hips as though it had been exclusively designed for her shape and her shape alone. Inevitably, his blood headed immediately south. Even if Caitlin couldn’t sing a note, the men in the crowd were going to give her a lot of rope and that was a fact. It heartened him to know that they were all going to be pleasantly surprised.

‘Trust me. You haven’t got a thing to worry about. Just go out there and sing like you do in rehearsals, but even better. If you get nervous, then just focus on me…I’ll be out front as soon as you get onstage.’

‘Okay. I’ll do that… I can do that.’ Caitlin managed to summon up a smile from only God knew where.

Eager to add his own brand of reassurance, Rick ran his hands up and down the sides of her slim arms and planted a sound kiss on her cheek. ‘Just for luck, beautiful…not that you’re going to need it.’

She barely opened her eyes during the first few bars of the opening number. It was much easier to simply shut out the sight of the crowd so that she could sing. She had been taken aback by the vociferous welcome they’d received from the fans when they walked onto the stage, somehow not expecting it to be quite as effusive as it had been. They didn’t know her yet, and Caitlin had a lot to prove…

However, she was quickly swept away by the music and the need to sing, and as the wall of sound crashed over her she patted her thigh in time with the beat and started to enjoy herself. She was sure that performing in front of an audience must be an even bigger adrenaline rush than shooting rapids, and nothing had ever felt so right or so perfect.

That was when she finally opened her eyes. That was when she saw Jake…

He was clapping along with the rest of the crowd, watchful and silently assessing, his features so handsome and compelling that several women in the audience furtively glanced his way whether they were with someone or not. Releasing a long breath, Caitlin gave him a brief smile, then turned her attention back to the avid sea of faces in front of her.

Many people were capturing her and the band with their mobile phone cameras. She could almost feel the tangible sense of surprise in the air, the pleasure—and beneath the cool black satin of her long flowing skirt her legs couldn’t help trembling. Steve Bridges gave her an extra drumroll to indicate his approval, and to her left Mike Casey muttered low, for her ears only, ‘You’re going to have them eating out of your hands, Cait.’

And she did. By the time they’d finished the final number of the night the crowd was with her all the way, cheering and clapping and stamping their feet for more. As baptisms of fire went, Caitlin couldn’t have wished for a more favourable flame.

Backstage, she ran the gauntlet of well-wishers, road crew and fans alike, arriving in the small room the band had been allocated to more back-slapping, applause and champagne…courtesy of Jake. She barely registered the burst of bubbles on her tongue because everything felt so surreal. However, she did register the satisfying feel of Jake’s strong arm wound possessively round her waist.

If anybody speculated on the ‘extra-special’ attention she was getting, no one dared voice it—least of all Rick, who was watching them with a stern ‘headmaster’ scowl as he bellowed to no one in particular that he needed another beer and fast.

Outside, as the venue emptied and the road crew loaded the van with Blue Sky’s equipment—‘Tank’ and Dave, stalwarts of the industry, who had worked with Jake many times before—Rick pulled Caitlin aside as she was about to step up and get into Jake’s familiar black car.

Jake had given her his keys and told her he wouldn’t be long. He was still inside, checking arrangements for the following night when they would play their second and final London gig. There would be an even bigger crowd the next night, he’d told her, because the press would have got wind of her performance via the comments posted on social media sites and would come to check it out.

As Caitlin stood waiting to hear what Rick had to say, right on cue it started to rain.

‘Is something the matter?’ she asked warily.

‘I don’t know. You tell me.’

‘Now you’re being cryptic.’ She started to smile, but straight away saw Rick wasn’t in the mood to be placated.

‘Is something going on between you and Jake?’ he demanded.

Her stomach plummeted to her boots.

‘And don’t tell me you don’t know what I mean.’

His hazel eyes were accusing and his shaggy blond hair was beginning to wave even more in the rain. Tugging up the collar of her raincoat, Caitlin shuddered.

It had been an amazing night. She had not only overcome her trepidation at singing in public, she had really begun to live her dream. She was bursting to talk to Lia and tell her all about it. Up until just a moment ago she’d wanted to shout out her news to the whole world. I did it! I really am a singer in a bona fide rock band! But now, as she gazed anxiously back at Rick, she felt as though someone had got a pin and deliberately popped her balloon.

‘There’s nothing going on between me and Jake other than him looking out for me and helping me settle in…with the band, I mean.’

‘We can’t afford another screw-up after the Marcie debacle. If you end up walking out on everyone because you got too involved with Jake then it will have serious implications for the band. I don’t think they deserve that after all their hard work…do you?’

‘No. Of course I don’t.’

Caitlin knew what Rick was saying was only right, and she had no intention of letting anyone down. Just because Jake had put his arm round her when she’d come off stage and bought champagne to celebrate it didn’t mean that the man was any more trustworthy than Sean. She had already intuited that f she had a physical relationship with him then her heart would seriously be at risk—because any woman with an ounce of common sense could easily see that he wasn’t the type of man to commit to anything more meaningful. And Caitlin wasn’t the type of woman to be intimate with a man and then forget it…as if were no more important than a trip to the hairdresser…

She lifted her chin. ‘Don’t worry, Rick. I promise you that the band comes first. Besides, I’m not looking to get personally involved with anyone.’

Liar. Nobody wanted to be alone for ever. And she wasn’t the only girl in the world who hoped to find love again after the heartache of a failed relationship.

‘Then we understand each other?’ Rick reached out his hand to wipe away a raindrop glistening on her cheek.

‘Understand what, exactly?’ a deep male voice intoned.

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