Broken Resolutions

CHAPTER FOUR

AT THE END of an emotionally fraught day, Caitlin sank back into a hot steamy bath and exhaled a heartfelt sigh. Flickering candles cast dancing shadows on the walls of the small, once shabby bathroom she’d sought to transform with some pink paint, pale blue curtains and accessories. She was genuinely pleased with what she’d achieved.

Closing her eyes, she breathed in the exotic perfume that filled the air from the scented candles and her favourite aromatic bath oil. Trailing her fingers idly in the water, she let her thoughts whirl. Electing to leave her job, she hadn’t exactly burnt her bridges, she reflected, because Lia had promised she could have a job with her any day. But it was still a scary thought to realise that she was giving up something relatively stable and secure for something that was its direct antithesis.

Splashing a handful of water across her shoulders, Caitlin opened her eyes and absently watched the droplets roll down her warm, scented skin. Frowning, she thought about the afternoon’s rehearsals and how Jake had regularly berated her for lack of concentration—not to mention for pretty much everything else. He’d yelled at her so often that the rest of the crew had cast each other quizzical glances, as if to ask, what’s going on?

Was he behaving like that because he regretted kissing her? She hadn’t asked him to kiss her! Her concentration might well not have been what it should, but despite the rights or wrongs of that inflammatory kiss how did the man expect her to react when she’d just left the job that she’d been devoted to for the past five years? It just wasn’t that easy to detach herself from a person or a place she cared about.

At least Rick and the others had been more understanding. They had even brought along a bottle of champagne to celebrate her ‘release’, although Jake had declined to join them in their impromptu toast during the break. Instead, he’d collected his leather jacket and gone out for a while… ‘To get some fresh air,’ he’d tersely explained.

‘Blast you, Jake Sorenson! I’m doing my best here. Give me a break, can’t you?’

Grabbing the innocent plastic yellow duck bobbing about on the water, she flung it down in temper. It made a very sad little splash. Not nearly enough impact to vent the anger that was bubbling up inside her.

Then, as if on cue, the doorbell rang.

Caitlin cursed out loud, determined to ignore it. But when it rang for a second and then a third time her resolve crumbled and she hauled herself out of the bath, grabbed the blue terry robe off the peg behind the door and struggled into it, littering the air with vague mutterings of irritation as she did so…

Stomping through the living room, then down the cold linoleum-covered stairs, she wondered who could be so inconsiderate and foolhardy enough to disrupt one of her favourite pastimes.

‘Jake.’

All the strength seemed to drain from her limbs as she came face to face with her unexpected visitor. His lean, athletic frame was clothed entirely in black, and his long legs and broad shoulders were outlined by the filtered orange glow of a nearby street lamp. No other man had the power to disturb her as much. Jake had a presence that scrambled her thoughts into a muddled tangle and almost made it hard to breathe. All compelling lean angles and shadows, his gorgeous cheekbones were almost impossibly perfect.

Meeting his bold gaze, she asked, ‘What is it? Is something wrong?’

‘Can I come in?’

Because the request had caught her off guard, Caitlin found herself nodding. Then she stepped back into the dimly lit hallway, with its unfortunate flocked gold wallpaper and worn red carpet, to let him enter. The damp hair that she’d screwed up so carelessly into an improvised knot hung loose and heavy behind her head and several long ebony strands had worked free to glance against her cheek. Beneath her robe her body was still slick with moisture because she hadn’t had time to dry herself. And she was stark naked beneath that robe…

It was a fact that did little to add to her confidence. Not when Jake edged past her with an enigmatic little smile that made all the strength ooze out of her limbs like sherbet through a straw.

‘Up the stairs,’ she instructed weakly as he turned and waited while she closed the front door.

Glancing briefly up the narrow staircase that led to her flat, he said, ‘You go first.’

Caitlin had been afraid he might say that. With her face burning she squeezed past him, inadvertently inhaling the heady scents of cedarwood and leather and the fresh smell of the outdoors that clung to him as her body brushed briefly against his. It was like coming into contact with a power supply, she thought as she began to ascend the stairs. There wasn’t a cell in her body that hadn’t felt the effect.

Every step she took in her slim bare feet with their scarlet-painted toenails was pure agony because she was acutely aware of Jake, just inches behind her. The belt round her waist had been fastened so tightly he couldn’t fail to be apprised of her shape beneath the perfectly innocent terry robe, and Caitlin squirmed inwardly all the way up into her living room.

‘Come in,’ she invited.

His heart thudding, because his senses were still infused with the memory of their kiss the other night, Jake trained his gaze on his surroundings in a bid to divert his aroused recollection.

He immediately registered what had once been an ornate Victorian fireplace that was now home to a small electric heater that surely wasn’t big enough to heat the whole room. There was a large pink ceramic vase with palm fronds in it just to the side of the hearth, and a large squashy red sofa with multi-coloured cushions arranged against the wall. Above it was a large gold-framed print of Flaming June by Frederic Leighton. The vivid orange of the lady’s dress was clinging like a sunburst to her pale reposing figure.

Jake absorbed all of this in just a few short seconds, but inevitably his gaze was helplessly drawn back to Caitlin. In her charming state of dishabille, how could it not be? What was that scent she was wearing?

With her face scrubbed clean of make-up, her silky black hair escaping all attempts at confinement, and wearing nothing but a plain terry robe, to Jake she was temptation personified. If she had the power to make him hot when she was dressed in tight jeans and a T-shirt it was nothing compared to the effect she was having on him in her present get-up. He just prayed that her pretty green eyes wouldn’t stray far south of his stomach, because right then he was fighting a losing battle to keep his lustful stirrings to himself.

So much for his promise to maintain a professional distance. He’d already broken that vow by stealing that incendiary kiss the other night. One taste of pure, unadulterated heaven had ensured that sooner or later he would be back for more. He’d already had to make himself scarce once this afternoon, because two hours of Caitlin up on the stage wiggling her hips as she sang, her breasts bouncing ever so slightly in her hot pink T-shirt, had almost made him crazy with want. Professing a need for some fresh air had just been a handy euphemism for what he really needed…a cold shower so icy it would freeze an ordinary mortal into a cryogenic trance.

When Jake didn’t immediately speak, Caitlin nervously wiped her hands down her robe and motioned vaguely towards the sofa. ‘Why don’t you sit down? I just need to go and dress. I was having a bath when you rang the bell.’

‘Don’t get dressed on my account,’ her visitor drawled, making no discernible move to sit down.

Her face flamed red.

‘I’m still wet,’ she gulped, immediately wishing she could take back her innocently meant remark, because Jake’s glance was all but stripping her naked. Want, need and lust swirled between them. ‘I mean I need…’

Caitlin’s hand trembled as she saw Jake’s eyes grow tellingly dark. Now his glance was focused on her mouth, on the soft, plump lower lip that her tongue had just innocently dampened.

‘What are we going to do, Caitlin?’ he asked softly, his gravelly voice reeling her in with its disturbing undisguised intonation of heat and sex.

‘Do about what?’

‘About us. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean. For God’s sake, the kiss we shared the other night when I walked you home was no innocent kiss goodnight. I got the distinct impression that you enjoyed it as much as I did. Was I wrong?’

‘Look, I really need to go and put some clothes on. If you wait here I’ll make us some coffee once I’m dressed and then we can talk.’

Jake smiled. She was gazing at him as though hypnotised. As she studied him her bewitching emerald eyes were dazzled—glazed, almost. Whatever she felt about him, she couldn’t deny there was a combustible attraction between them. And he couldn’t think of another woman who had the ability to send his pulse sky-rocketing and his libido raging with just a simple glance.

It wasn’t just her beauty that drew him to her. There was a refreshing innocence about Caitlin. Having met so many women whose hunger for fame and success made them employ any means possible to get what they wanted—his ex-wife being a case in point—he found Caitlin was like a breath of fresh air. Jake had never wanted a woman more in his life…wanted her with an ache that was the sweetest agony from the moment he woke up in the morning to when he lay down to sleep at night.

‘Good. Because it won’t go away,’ he continued. ‘Sooner or later we’re going to have to deal with it.’

Caitlin’s already pink cheeks flushed even pinker. Then she turned and fled into the bedroom to get dressed.

Sighing, Jake dropped down onto the squashy red sofa, picked up a cushion, then angrily jettisoned it onto the floor. Just what the hell did he think he was doing? He’d called in on her because he’d wanted to apologise for being so uncompromising at rehearsals, but as soon as he’d set eyes on her in that innocent terry robe of hers he’d known immediately that she wasn’t wearing anything underneath it. Somehow his rigidly imposed self-control had gone out of the window and all he’d been able to think about was how soon he could get her into bed.

He wanted to bury himself so deep inside her he’d assuage every ache he’d ever had…hers too. Yes, he’d had the odd one-night stand since Jodie had done the dirty on him—how else could he satisfy a healthy libido—but nothing could have prepared him for a hunger so primal, so insatiable, that it threatened to consume him body and soul if it wasn’t satisfied.

Dragging his fingers through his hair, Jake slowly shook his head. To add to his frustration Caitlin’s provocative scent lingered in the room, tormenting him. Where was she, for goodness’ sake? How long did it take to throw some clothes on? Longer than it would take him to tear them off that was for sure…

Restless, he got to his feet, his long legs taking him to the other side of the room and back again as he paced the floor. The living room was ridiculously small—almost oppressively so. A few family photos sat on the mantelpiece, along with a small glass jar full of assorted coloured crystals.

Jake was far too distracted to examine the photographs more closely, so he turned away to survey the rest of the room. A large pine bookcase dominated an entire wall, and there wasn’t a shelf on it that wasn’t crammed to bursting point with books. He barely stole a glance at the titles he was so keyed up, but he couldn’t fail to notice that most of the literature dwelt on self-development or philosophy.

Had Caitlin been interested in those subjects before or after her catastrophic relationship with the drug addict? Jake was curious. Clearly she must have been driven to seek out some sort of guidance after such an ordeal. Somehow he felt chastened. Living with a drug addict and alcoholic would certainly be no picnic. He himself had had friends and associates who’d been drawn down a similar destructive route. He’d told Caitlin that the music business was full of such casualties.

But she’d confessed to him that she’d lost everything, including her home. That must surely be the reason why she was living in this rabbit hutch. Jake would go stir crazy, living in such a confined space. Being the grateful owner of spacious homes in London, New York and LA—which were admittedly empty most of the time, due to his peripatetic lifestyle—he doubted he would manage even half as well if he had to live the way Caitlin did. Even his room at the quaint Pilgrim’s Inn was three times the size of this one.

Without realising it, his hands had curled into fists down by his sides.

He’d remarked to her that addiction was a disease, not a weakness, but by God he’d like just ten minutes with the jerk who’d ripped her off so badly that she was reduced to living in two shabby rented rooms.

‘What would you like to drink? Tea or coffee?’

Caitlin’s voice took Jake by surprise. Turning round, he avidly noted her long shapely legs, which were encased in soft worn denim, and the pretty pink top she’d donned, which was fastened at the front with little pearl buttons. In her apparent haste to get dressed the top two buttons had been left undone, inadvertently revealing the creamy cleft between her breasts, and the arresting sight made him catch his breath.

But she might not have left the buttons undone deliberately—she hardly needed to resort to feminine wiles to get his attention. All the woman had to do was glance at him with those bewitching emerald eyes and Jake was all hers.

‘Neither,’ he answered. ‘Why don’t you just come and sit down so we can talk?’

Caitlin acquiesced, her brows puckering when she noticed that one of her multi-coloured cushions was lying on the floor. Inside her chest, her heart was galloping at what felt like a worrying breakneck speed.

When Jake had asserted that sooner or later they would have to ‘deal with it’, had he been saying that it was inevitable that they had an affair? Because if he had then he hadn’t reckoned with her iron will. It didn’t matter how attracted she was to the man, she wasn’t the type to jump thoughtlessly into bed with him. Sean was the only man she’d ever been intimate with, and to be honest it hadn’t been anything to write home about even when she’d foolishly imagined herself in love with him.

Being a singer and a member of Blue Sky was far more important than having a hot little affair with the band’s manager, she told herself.

‘I was rough on you today.’ Still standing in the centre of the room, Jake rubbed a hand round his beard-darkened jaw. ‘I feel like I owe you an apology.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I pushed you too hard.’ He flinched as though genuinely regretting it.

‘You don’t have to apologise. I know I’ve still got a long way to go and I need all the help and guidance I can get. Rick says that you’re the best, and so do the others. I’m hungry to learn, Jake. You shouldn’t lose any sleep over the fact that you had to yell at me a few times.’

Gritting his teeth, he silently cursed the ache in his groin that refused to be tamped. It wasn’t the fact that he’d lost his temper a few times that he was losing sleep over. She was sitting on her sofa, looking about as tempting as Eve in the Garden of Eden, and her soothing velvet voice rolled over him like honey. She might not know it but she was seducing him as thoroughly as if she sat there naked, beckoning him to come to her.

‘Are you always this reasonable?’ He quirked an eyebrow.

Although he’d apologised, he was still spoiling for an argument—anything to defuse the sexually charged tension between them.

‘No.’ An amused smile played at the corners of her mouth. ‘Sean used to accuse me of being unreasonable all the time.’

‘Sean?’

‘My ex-boyfriend.’

‘The drug addict.’ Jake hadn’t meant to sound cruel, but the fact was he wasn’t in the mood to be magnanimous. A stab of jealousy had sliced through his insides at Caitlin’s reference to the man she’d previously been in a relationship with.

Suddenly rising to her feet, she let her fingers toy restlessly with the little pearl buttons on her blouse. The gesture inevitably drew his gaze.

‘Amongst other things he was a painter and decorator by trade. Not that he was in work very often…For obvious reasons.’ Her expression was briefly pained. ‘But, like you said, just because he was an addict, it didn’t mean he was a bad person. He was easily led by some unsavoury friends, that was the trouble.’

Caitlin dipped her head and Jake found himself automatically taking a step towards her.

‘So, you were “unreasonable” because you tried to warn him off those so-called friends?’

‘Yes… That and because I didn’t give him money as often as he liked to buy his drugs. I was struggling to keep the roof over our heads as it was. I had a lovely flat that I’d bought with a legacy my grandmother had left me and I was eventually forced to sell it because of Sean. He was in so much debt due to his drug habit.’

‘And where is he now?’ he asked. A million miles away, he hoped. Outer Mongolia wouldn’t be far enough.

‘When we broke up he said he was going to London. His brother lives there and he was going to stay with him to try and straighten himself out. I hope for his sake he was able to. But, that said, I’m just so glad he’s out of my life. Being with him had me fearing for my sanity. I hardly knew who I was any more. Sometimes I can’t believe what a fool I was to trust him and believe that he would change. One thing’s for sure…I’ll never give my trust so easily to a man again.’

Her emerald eyes glistened briefly and Jake swallowed hard. He hated the idea that she wasted even a second of her time thinking about her ex and what he had put her through.

‘Anyway, I don’t know why I’m standing here telling you all this,’ she finished.

‘I asked you to. What about your family? Were they supportive when they found out what was going on?’

‘My parents and my brother are in America. He moved out there first and they followed. They’ve started up a business out there. Anyway…’

With a shrug Caitlin briefly met his eyes and then looked quickly away again.

‘I didn’t want them to worry about me so I didn’t tell them. I made my bed and I had to lie in it. They gave me the chance of going with them when they left but I opted not to take it. Besides, they always taught me it was important to stand on my own two feet, and I wasn’t going to go running to them the moment I was in trouble. I wanted to prove to myself and to them that I could turn my life around and be proud of myself.’

‘Whilst that’s commendable, I thought families were supposed to help each other out when one of them was in trouble?’

‘Do yours? Help you when you’re in trouble I mean?’

Jake hadn’t expected her to turn the question on him. For a dizzying moment he found himself awash in a sea of feelings that he usually tried to submerge…feelings of pain, confusion and a sickening sense of being abandoned by life.

His mouth drying, he answered, ‘No… They don’t. They can’t. I don’t know who they are. I was raised in a children’s home.’

Caitlin’s bewitching green eyes immediately softened. ‘Oh, Jake…I’m so sorry.’

The suggestion of concerned sympathy in her voice was like a gun pointed straight at his heart. He immediately sought to deflect it.

‘Don’t be. I learned very quickly not to depend on anyone else for either my happiness or my wellbeing. I survived the experience—that’s all you need to know. That’s all anyone needs to know.’

Twisting her hands together, she took a few moments before commenting, ‘You’ve done more than just survive, Jake. You’ve made an amazing success of your life.’

‘Is that how it looks to you?’ The question was painfully ironic.

‘Anyway, regarding my own family, we’re…let’s just say we respect our differences. They have their life and I have mine.’

‘You mean you haven’t told them that you’ve joined the band?’

‘I will tell them…eventually. But, just not right now.’

Jake shrugged. ‘It’s your call.’

‘You said that you learned not to depend on anyone else to make you happy. What about romantic relationships, Jake? Have you had maybe one or two that haven’t worked out?’

‘Who hasn’t?’

A reticent smile suggested that discussing his own experiences was the last thing he wanted to do. It wasn’t hard to understand why he should feel that way. Nobody welcomed talking about the things that had hurt them. Yet Caitlin couldn’t help wanting to know more. Despite her vow never to easily trust another man, the idea of perhaps trusting Jake was strangely compelling. After all, he knew what it was like to have been badly hurt by someone and wouldn’t knowingly inflict similar hurt on someone else…would he?